EP131: The Role You Outgrew Years Ago (And How to Finally Let It Go)

In this episode, I’m talking about something most women never actually do.

We resign from jobs.
We leave relationships.
We move house, change careers, reinvent our wardrobes and our routines.

But we almost never resign from the identities we built to survive those eras.

So we leave the marriage but stay the fixer.

We change the job but stay the over-functioner.

We start a new chapter but carry the same emotional baggage into it.

And then we wonder why life still feels flat AF.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why reinvention doesn’t work unless you deliberately let go of the internal role you’ve been playing for years. This is identity construction in real time. Not abstract. Practical. Structured. Psychological. And slightly dramatic because your brain loves a bit of ceremony 👑

I’m sharing:

• Why high-performing women get stuck in outdated identities even when their external life changes
• How survival roles like “the strong one”, “the responsible one” or “the peacekeeper” actually keep you small
• The neuroscience behind why your subconscious needs structure and ritual to create lasting change
• The gap phase of reinvention and why it feels uncomfortable, disorienting and sometimes boring
• How to move from survival energy into expansion without burning your whole life down

You’ll also hear me talk about my own current reinvention moment. Breaking my arm has forced me to face a role I’ve clung to for years. Hyper-independence. The belief that needing help equals weakness. And how this has become my real-time Thought Detox and Energy Rehab in action!

This episode includes a practical exercise I want you to do on paper. A formal resignation letter to the identity you’ve outgrown. Not in your head. Not one day. Now.

Because you don’t become your next level self by thinking about her.
You become her through aligned action and deliberate identity shifts.

If you’ve ever felt like your life looks fine on paper but something inside you knows there’s more, this episode is for you.

If you’re ready to stop rebuilding the same life with different wallpaper, this is your invitation.

If this resonated, please do come and tell me which identity you’re resigning from. I’d genuinely love to know. You can find me on Instagram at Queen of Reinvention.

And if you’re ready to go deeper into this work, keep listening because we’re building this together inside The Reinvention Era.

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Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello, hello, and welcome to the reinvention Eva podcast with me, your host, Sarah Elizabeth, Queen of reinvention, if you will. And yes, that is a self imposed title. But also I was born freaking reinventing, literally born reinventing. I was placed in foster care actually follow my birth and subsequently adopted. Now I was born Emma, and within a few weeks, became Sarah. So I told you, literally reinventing from birth. Who would I have been if I'd have stayed Emma? Well, I didn't. I became Sarah, therefore queen of reinvention. But you know what I actually find fascinating about reinventing our identities and the deliberate construction of new identities, it's actually what we don't do. And I think one thing we should do that we don't do is resign, because I mean by that, we are really very, very good at resigning from things like we resign from jobs, we resign from communities, we resign from relationships. Some of us have even dramatically resigned from whatsapp groups  so we have, I think, but, but so we resigned from all these things we almost never, ever resign from identities. Do we? We just quietly carry them, like emotional carry on luggage that we refuse to check in. Oh, my God, like it's fragile or something. Oh, precious. We don't want to let it out of our sight, you know? And I feel like we just carry it with us so unnecessarily. So today we're talking about resignation. Resignation, not from your life, not from your responsibilities. Can't help you with that one, but from the identity that you've outgrown. Because the truth is, you can leave the marriage, you can leave the job, you can leave the frickin postcode, you can leave the country. But if you don't resign from the version of you that survived those seasons, those eras, you're just going to end up rebuilding the same life with basically different wallpaper. And we ain't doing that anymore. We're not this is identity construction. This is the reinvention era, and this is the Edit Code in action. And today we're handing in notice to old, you, exciting, huh?

Sarah Elizabeth  02:57

So right picture this. It's early in the morning. The house is quiet, the heating hasn't quite kicked in yet, and it's chuffing cold, and you're standing in the kitchen in your dressing gown, holding a mug of tea with both hands, you know, and you made it to warm you up, but it's already got a bit lukewarm, because you got distracted again by that day's to do list, and you just feel this kind of flatness. It's, it's like quite strange, bit weird. It's sort of, it's not a major alarm, but this weird, low hum of something like, know where I'm going. Like, there must be more than this. I'm not even sure this life fits me anymore, and the maddest part about that is, on paper, your life looks absolutely fine, like you've ticked all the life boxes, and you're competent and capable and reliable and respected, and you're financially stable, and you've got money In the bank to pay your bills, and you've got a car outside that starts, you know, you're fucking exceptional at holding everything together. But inside, inside, it just kind of feels like you're playing out some role that you nailed years ago, you freaking nailed it, and that was all unfamiliar at first, but now you could kind of do it standing on your head, and the script just feels stale. Familiar, comfortable. Yeah, absolutely, but also meh. Yeah, and the thing is, what's happened is that you've resigned from any number of situations over the years leading to this, but you never actually resigned from the identities that you gathered along the way, and you're still carrying them. You're still the strong one, the responsible one, the fixer, the over functioner, the people pleaser, the emotionally regulated adult and the the it's fine, I'll handle it, woman and that identity, it served you right. It's really looked after you. It's protected you, it's built shit. It's got your through shit, but it was designed for survival, not for expansion, not for growth. And when you're walking around in a outdated identity, it kind of feels like you're wearing, I don't know, say, a blazer that technically it fits, you know, you can get it on, but you can't breathe properly anymore, you know? And when you get here, you don't need to burn it all down. You don't need a whole new life. You just need a new internal role.

Sarah Elizabeth  06:19

So let's take this comfortable identity that we all know so well, and let's make it ever so slightly uncomfortable, because if your old identity had a job description, it would probably look something like title, the responsible one department everyone else's needs. Salary. Oh, approval, that's what I get. Oh, with a bonus of avoidance of conflict. Forgot the bonus, 24/7, are the hours and the benefits, burnout, resentment, mild, superiority, complex, if that was the fucking job description, and you laugh, but tell me, I'm wrong, because that identity, I know I see you. This identity has been working overtime for years. She knows how to keep the peace. She knows how to anticipate disappointment and make sure it doesn't happen. She knows how to over deliver so that no one dare question her worth. But what's ironic is, you don't get promoted in life by doing the same job forever. Do you? You evolve, you get promotion. And this is the same this is identity, Alchemy, my love. Because reinvention isn't about becoming someone new. It's about constructing the next version of yourself, the next level of you. It's about retiring the fucking role that kept you small. We're done with that, and I'm trying to keep it like because we need a bit of humour, you know, and also, if we don't laugh, we'll cry. But honestly, you can't step into your next era, your next level self, while still clocking in as the martyr and the Peacekeeper and the low maintenance girlfriend or wife and the hyper independent woman who doesn't need anyone, but secretly just wants to be held that identity said, a fucking good run, amazing run. But jeez, we did to look at her contract, don't we, so let's ceremoniously resign, shall we?

Sarah Elizabeth  09:00

And I want you to actually do this, not in your head on paper. We're formalising this because your brain loves a ceremony. It's the sovereign queen in us. You know, your subconscious loves structure. And let's face it, reinvention without structure ain't sustainable with it. So let's do it right. We're going to title it resignation letter Effective immediately, and we're going to write Dear old identity, whichever one it is, people pleaser, perfectionists, whichever one you might be, like me and the multiple resignation letters, dear old identity, thank you for your service. You got me through what? What did it get you through divorce, motherhoods? Or whatever you got me through. Thank you for your service. You got me through, yadda yadda. You protected me from. What rejection, abandonment, what's it protected you from? You taught me. You taught me the boundaries I want, or you taught me how I deserve more. Whatever it is, be specific. Thank her. Thank her, because we don't shame past versions of ourselves, because this girl got you through some shit. So we thank her, we thank her very much, and then we write, however, I'm no longer available for this role. I no longer need to please everyone make sure everything's 100% I no longer tolerate people walking all over me or saying yes when I mean No, I'm no longer willing to lower my standards to meet other people's expectations. It's just thought detox at all. We're interrupting the new loop that says this is just who I am. Nah, nah, no. It's not. It was you who you had to be. But we're laying that version off now we're making a redundant. So finish your resignation with effective immediately, I am stepping into your alter Queen identity, the alter ego of you, the version of you who is everything you're becoming. And describe her, not the fantasy version, the next level version. Is she calmer? Is she clearer? Is she more self trusting? Is she less reactive? More decisive, more playful, more magnetic. Whatever it is, this is your internal job transfer, your promotion. And then the important part, you sign it. Sign it with today's date. This is not new year, new me. We're not waiting. We're not waiting for the first this is old me. Thank you. You're retired. Thank you, bye. Thank you bye. Love now, because you can't really just resign energetically and then continue behaving the same way. You know, we can't do that. You have to serve notice, right? So even though the resignation is effective immediately, we're going into our notice periods. So actually, this is where we do the damn thing. We do it. So what does your notice period look like? It might look like catching yourself mid pattern. So let's say you're about to say yes to something you really, really don't want to do. And the old identity says, Don't be difficult. Just do it. Just be kind. Just do it. New Identity says, I'll check my calendar and come back to you as you notice periods you're being your altar queen. You're not flipping the whole table and throwing all the contents on the floor. You're transitioning into your newly constructed identity. You're clearing the table bit by bit. Or it might be that the old identity spirals when someone doesn't text back Oh. New Identity says their behaviour, says all it needs to done. Bye, notice served. Oh, another one old identity over explains over, justifies over performs, because we do like to be a high performer, right? We like to be the best at everything. New Identity just pauses, breathes, says, less notice served. And this is also we've actually done a bit of identity alchemy, a bit of thought, detox, better do the damn thing, because this is also energy rehab in action. We've got the whole edit code in here, babes, conditioning our new identity in action, if you like. Because by doing this actually, you are also recalibrating your nervous system to a whole new baseline. That thermostat, you're raising the level. Look, you know what? Yes, it will feel uncomfortable. It will because survival identities are loud as fuck that. And they'll try and talk you out of it. They do the voices in your head. They'll try to convince you, oh, no, this is dangerous. Oh, you're being selfish, you know that, don't you. You're being selfish. You're gonna lose people. And you know what? Yeah, actually, you might. You might lose people, but you'll lose the ones who only benefited from the old version of you that ain't lost. That's alignment. It's their loss, but it's not yours. So now I want you to do something slightly dramatic, because your brain loves about drama. It remembers drama, and at the end of your 30 days notice period, or whatever it is you've imposed on yourself, I want you to ceremonially let that identity go like a funeral. Yes, really like a funeral. Burn the letter, rip it up, bury it, delete it. Do what you fucking want it. Just get rid play a song that feels like your next era, your next level queen. Stand in your kitchen or your garden or your bathroom, in your towel, say it out loud, I'm not her anymore. I am not her anymore. I am not her anymore. Subconscious response, ever so well, it's a bit of embodiment, really does you can't just think your way into reinvention. We have to deliberately construct this new identity, and then you become it through repeated aligned action. Again. This is the Edit Code in full swing. Bloody love it energy rehab, regulating nervous systems, getting your energy on track. Do the damn thing the behavioural shift that really put in place your next level Queen really cement her, the identity alchemy, consciously choosing who you're, becoming a thought detox, interrupting those old narratives and rewiring our neural pathways. This is not surface level change. This is internal restructuring.

Sarah Elizabeth  17:27

And the weird thing is, once you resign from an old identity, there's actually a weird kind of gap, almost where it's it's like this strange, quiet space where you're not quite who you were, but you're not yet fully who you're becoming, either. And this, quite honestly, is where most women panic because it feels off right? You're high achieving, you're here. You like clarity, you like knowing who the fuck you are, but I don't see the invention has this. It's almost like a liminal phase. It's almost like Twixtmas, you know, where you just it's just an in between. You might feel a bit untethered, a bit bored, and a bit spacious, and a bit more observant as well. And it might sort of feel like a weird regression, but it's not. This is integration. This is integrating the alter queen, your new next level identity, into you. You're not operating on autopilot anymore. No, you're not. So in that space, you get to consciously build and consciously construct and redesign your new self, not from trauma, not from proving energy, not from fear, not from survival, but from alignment. So this next era version of you. Let's fast forward 12 months, right? You've resigned, you got noticed, and now you're in your new auto queen. She's comfortable. You've embodied her, you've been her, and now you see her. So let's fast forward 12 months. You walk in a room, you're not scanning for approval, you're shrinking to make others comfortable. You're not over performing to justify your existence. You're just there, grounded, calm, certain. You make decisions faster. You apologise less. You laugh louder. You rest without guilt. You date differently, you lead differently, you show up differently, not because you had a whole. Personality transplant, but all because you resigned from the role that kept you small. That is identity construction. This is reinvention, love, precise, deliberate, energetically, clean. So here's your questions I'm going to leave you with today. Where are you still clocking in for an old role, like an old job? Where are you still clocking in? Where are you still performing in a role you outgrew like three seasons ago. Who are you still trying to be for people who only knew the old you? You feel almost forced to go back who? Who's that version? And you know, let's say you don't need to burn your whole freaking goddamn life down. You just need to resign properly with gratitude because it served you. It's got you here with clarity, with courage, because it is uncomfortable. But then you step into your next era, like a woman who knows a woman who knows that confidence doesn't come from staying loyal to identities that you've outgrown from outdated identities. It comes from choosing yourself when it will be so much easier not to, but you do it anyway. So go write the letter love, serve the notice, retire the mole, and remember you're not starting over, you're starting forwards. So Long live the next era. Yo. Long live the Queen. So I've enjoyed that little ceremony to let me know how you found it.

Sarah Elizabeth  22:06

And now I think I'm gonna go and write a resignation letter on the whole hyper independence, hate asking for help thing personally, although writing is a bit of a challenge with this arm. But anyway, you might have seen on my Instagram, if you're following me, if you're not following me, why the fuck not at Queen of reinvention, get yourself over to the gram. Anyhow, I did this post on Instagram about my broken arm, and what hurts even more than arm itself is asking for help, opening things, carrying shit, washing me out, washing my hair left, handed over the bath with a bottle of water when we water was off, an old now that was a low point, exacerbated by my refusal to show weakness. Asking for Help made it 10 times worse. I hate asking for help, and so with surgery on said broken arm happening imminently, I figure I need to resign from that one. That's my role that I'm resigning from big time. So that's mine. Don't forget to tell me yours and enjoy the resignation ceremony. I will be back in your beauts badass earbuds again next week for more on our identity construction and royal invention. So until then, I'm sending you so much love. Bye.