EP142: Be Her Now: Why You Don’t Find Yourself… You Design Her

This episode is THE one. If you listen to nothing else this week, listen to this, because this is the one where everything clicks.

Over the last few weeks, here on the Reinvention Era, we’ve gone all in on….

Your Inherited Self; who you were taught to be before you even knew about it.

Your Survival Self; who you consequently became to operate and cope…. but also succeed.

Your Sovereign Self; who you actually are underneath it all…. Your Queen self 👑

But this week? This is where it changes.

This episode is about your Designed Self.

Your Alter Ego (but with a crown darling, so your Alter Queen)

This is the version of you that you don’t just fall into…

This is the you that you get to choose. 

Because the thing is, you don’t need to ‘fix’ yourself (you’re not broken). It’s not about needing more confidence or feeling ‘ready.’

It’s about designing a different identity.

Because identity always wins. 

You don’t rise to your goals. You fall to the level of who you believe yourself to be.

And right now?

Whether you realise it or not… You are still being the version of you that was shaped by your past.

In this episode, I break down:

• Why personal development alone doesn’t create real change
• How alter egos actually work (and why they’re not fake)
• The neuroscience behind identity and confirmation bias
• Why waiting to feel ready is screwing you over
• How to start designing and installing your next-level self
• And how to become her… before it feels natural

Because the shift isn’t, ‘I’ll become her when I’m ready.’

It’s:

‘I become her… and that’s what makes me ready.

This is identity in motion, making moves. This is reinvention done properly.

👑 Want to take this further?

If you’re listening to this thinking, ‘right, bring it on…..I’m ready to actually change this.’

I’ve opened 3 exclusive VIP Identity Design spaces.

This is high-level, 1:1 work where we:

• strip back the identities that have been running you
• design your Alter Queen properly
• and install her into your life so that you can change anything.

This is not surface-level. This is the work that changes everything.

📩 Email me directly to apply: sarah@thequeenofreinvention.com

(Or drop me a DM on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/queenofreinvention/)

If you’re ready… don’t sit on it. Those spaces will go.

👑

🔥 DOWNLOAD FREEBIES TO FUEL YOUR REINVENTION

📲 FOLLOW on Instagram and Facebook

🩷

Transcript

Hola, hola and a huge, massive welcome to the reinvention era podcast. I'm your host, Queen of reinvention and identity, designer for fellow queens, Sarah Elizabeth, and this is the place where we stop with the whole fix yourself bullshit, because you ain't broken love. Here we start intentionally, intentionally designing who we actually want to become, and then installing that identity into our lives so that you can be her now, and even more so, get the freaking life you want now, Queen. So over the last few weeks, we have gone a bit deep. Yes, we have. We've talked about your inherited self, which is the identity that you absorbed from early childhood without even realising it, all the cultural beliefs, the societal expectations, family expectations, the behaviours, the patterns, all the ways of being that were placed on you before you bloody knew about it. Then we talked about your survival self. Oh now, this is the version of you that adapted, that coped, that performed, usually according to the inherited self, and you then subsequently built your whole identity, your whole life around it, and who you had to be or felt you had to be, to belong, to be accepted, to be Here, quotes, successful, whatever that look like for you. And then last week, we unveiled the beautiful, sovereign self, which is the quiet, deeper part of you that you might not even realise is there but is the identity of who you are, who you actually are. Underneath all the rest of it, there's a lot layers to this identity business. And so today, we bring it all together. Yes, we do. This is my ultimate Fave and the core of the work that I do with amazing women just alike. So get excited. Today we're talking about the designed self, your alter ego, or your alter queen, as I prefer to call it, because we love a bit of sovereignty, the designed self is the version of you that you don't just stumble into, you don't just fall along, you don't just passively go along with this is the version of you that you get to choose. You get to choose. How fucking cool is that? See, because most people don't get this. They think that who they are is fixed and unchangeable, and so they kind of think reinvention. When I talk about reinvention, I think it's about fixing themselves or improving themselves, self development or becoming better. It's not, it's not because you can improve your habits. You can set brilliant goals, you can upgrade your mindset, you can work on your confidence. You can do all of that, all of that shizzle, and yet still be operating from an identity that doesn't actually work for you. You've grown out of it love. But if you don't realise that, and stay living from these old versions of you, then nothing really changes, because identity always, always wins always. You don't rise to your goals. You fall to the level of your identity. So you need to design her, to upgrade her. You need to design her, because up until now, your identity has been shaped by what you were taught, what you experienced, what you saw, what you heard, what you needed to survive, who you needed to be to survive. Life. But what no one really tells you, the secret is that you don't have to stay there. You don't you don't have to stay there. There comes a point where you can stop asking, Who the fuck am I? Who am I? And you start asking, Who do I want to be? Who do I want to be? Yes, that's the designed self. Honestly, I don't know why more people aren't talking about this. I call this your alter queen, as in Alter Ego, but with a crown, darling. And this is absolutely not about becoming someone fake or you pretending. It's none of that. It's about that you are consciously designing a version of you that already exists in you, but that aligns with where you're going now, with who you're being now, and then you get to instal her. Sounds simple, right? I mean, I think that's because it doesn't mean to say it's easy. Simple doesn't mean easy, but it is simple. Alter Egos really bloody work. So let's talk about this properly. Alter egos are not new they're not a new thing. The term was actually used by the Romans? Yes, it was the Romans. Don't ask me when the Romans were around, because history's not my strong point. But it originally was used by the Romans to describe this trusted second self, and more often nowadays, alter egos are used in psychology to describe a different version of you, of different version of your identity. But again, importantly, this is not a fake you. It's a version of you that already exists. Look at me clapping my hands. It's because I got two hands again now, oh, if you can't see me, I just, I'm getting very, very movement with my hands now I can, anyhow, let's think about alter egos just for a second, right? Okay, probably one of the most famous is Beyonce, who has Sasha Fierce. Now, Beyonce knew that she needed to become the sexier, more free spirited version of herself in order to get really get to where she wanted to be on the global stage. So when she first started going on stage and singing as a, you know, shy young thing, she didn't only just she got a costume on, she got a makeup on, but she didn't just do that. She also literally stepped into the Sasha Fierce version of her. And all I'm saying is I think that worked out pretty well for her just saying. She's probably the one of the most famous ones. But athletes as well. Athletes often will step into kind of a different version of themselves on the pitch. They have, like a pitch ego, if you like a pitch identity, think about Dwayne Johnson right the rock, who apparently is a really humble, nice guy generally, but that wrestling persona. You aint messing with the fucking rock. I mean, we're not going there. Actors, actors as well. They embody all sorts of completely different identities. Heath Ledger famously stayed in the role of the Joker offset for so fucking long. I think his family and friends were probably a little bit scared, but there are so many more stories about actors staying in character, becoming in character offset. They're not on set. They're not filming. And they're doing this long before filming even starts, they start the accents. Six months before the filming starts, they start living like them. They dress in like them, being them. So there's lots of examples of alter egos and why they bloody work, right? But what all of them, every single one, has in common is that they don't wait to feel ready. They don't play the when I then I game like when I'm confident. Then I'll do it when I've ticked every box, then I'll go for it. No, no, they step into the identity first, because this is how the brain works, right? Your brain doesn't respond to what you say you want, you can beg, you can plead, but your brain will only respond to what you repeatedly show it is normal, because only then can it trust it to be safe when it's familiar. Doesn't give a shit about your happiness. It doesn't give a toss about your need for fulfilment. It just needs to be safe and familiar predictable, right? So if your current identity is like, I'm an overthinker, Oh, not that confident. I'm the type of person who does that, then your brain will keep proving that right. It's called confirmation bias. It's the RAS, the reticular activating system in the brain. All it's doing there's millions and millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of bits of data around the world coming into your senses any every second, right? And there's too much for your brain to absorb, way too much for your brain to absorb in every sense, right? Smell, sight, hearing, there's too much information out there, right? So your brain, the RAS has to filter it to what it thinks that you want to what it thinks that you need. It's looking permanently for the evidence. So if you're telling your brain that you're an overthinker, your RAS is going filter. Oh, that the overthinking, overthinking, bring it in. Bring it in. She likes a bit of overthinking. This one. Oh, over there, overthinking. Oh yeah, on us, on us, on us, because it just looks for evidence, right? But if you introduce a new identity, everything shifts. Everything moves because then your brain and your RAS starts to look for that evidence. It starts to filter for that evidence. And then it goes, guys, oh, she's repeating this. This is safe. This is familiar. Now, oh, I know this one. I know this one. We're gonna get more of that. Beyonce did it so much with Sasha Fierce that she totally became her, and eventually she didn't need to step into her in the same way as she did in the early days, because her brain got data after data, after data, evidence after evidence to prove that she is who the fucking hell she says she is now. And see, in my view, this is a lot of the problem with a lot of the personal development work. And don't get me wrong, I love a bit of personal development, but where most people get it wrong is that they think I'll become her when I feel ready. I'll do it when I feel ready. No no, you become her by rehearsing her, by thinking like her, deciding like her, moving like her way before it feels natural, way before it feels normal, because that repetition creates familiarity, and the familiarity creates the identity spacing. Neuroscience, your neural pathways are being built all the time. Your brain is just adapting to what you give it. Your current identity only exists, and the versions of you that you live by and operate by now only exist because of repetition from your inherited self and your survival self. You didn't wake up one day and go, do you know what I've got to be an overthinker. I'm going to be an overthinker today. Or I. I know I'm gonna be a people pleaser. Oh, I think I want to be a perfectionist. Oh, oh, I'm gonna go and get myself some of that imposter syndrome. No, it didn't do any of that. You became her because you repeated the patterns that you learned over and over and over and over again until they became this is just who I am now. So the designed self works exactly the same way, but for you instead of against you. You don't wait for your identity to change. You create her through designing her, installing her, and then the repetition of her. But here's the catch side. Slight catch. You cannot design a powerful as fuck identity from a place of survival, you just can't. You just can't if you skip the sovereign self and ignore that beauty, your alter queen, your alter ego, just becomes performative. She's just another mask, another role, another way to prove yourself. And that's not what we're doing here. That's not what we're doing here. We are designing your alter queen, your alter ego, to be one powerful badass, because this is where it gets powerful. Your alter queen is not who you think you should be, not who looks good on Instagram, not who your parents would approve of. She's the version of you that feels true, authentic, expanded, aligned and like the fucking Queen you are inside. So ask yourself if you stripped away all the shit, all the what makes sense, all the what's expected of you, all that well, I've always done it. That's why then strip away all that shit, then who would you be? So just start simple, think about, is she the kind of woman who makes decisions quickly? Is she the badass that speaks up in rooms no more shrinking over here? Is she the queen who backs herself, who makes moves long before she feels ready, just start thinking about who she might be. Doesn't have to be all at once, but just the key traits that start to change how you show the fuck up and then actually instal her. Because a lot of people stop here. They might design them a little bit. They might think about they might journal a bit on a dream about her, even, and then go back to being who they've always been. That quote that's often attributed, I think, to Henry Ford. I think it's often his. Whether he deserves or not, I don't know if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. Well, you've probably heard that it's, it's an old one, but a good one. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got for identity, if you be who you've always been, guess what? You're always going to go back to being her, default back to being her. You're going to be who you've always been, because you're being who you've always been. Installation is where this changes, and you bring your alter ego, your alter queen, to life, just like Beyonce did with Sasha Fierce so that installation might look like choosing her in the small moments, or catching yourself defaulting and then go, oh no, shift that acting before you feel like it. And you do this, you be her over and over and over and over again until one day you don't have to think about it anymore because she is you. How fucking beautiful is that you don't become your alter Queen by waiting for her. She ain't coming knocking at your door and forcing herself up on you. You become her by deciding and repeating. This is identity Making Moves. So here's a bit of an experiment for you this week. What I want you to do is to choose one version of her of your own alter, queen, not 10, not. A full identity overhaul overnight, just one, just one, and ask yourself, what would she do here? Or, more importantly, who would she be here? And then do it, then be her. Now, straight away, even if it feels a bit unnatural, especially if it feels a bit unnatural, because that's the point you have to create the evidence be her to see her. Your inherited self shaped you, your survival self protected you, your sovereign self knows who you are if you stop ignoring her, but your designed self, she's the queen that leads you. She is the one that will make the difference to all of it. Remember, you don't find yourself, you don't fix yourself, you design yourself, and then you instal her, and then repeat. And if you're sitting there thinking, Okay, I'm ready for this. I want to be her, but I need someone to actually walk me through it. Hello, I'm the identity designer, Queen of reinvention. I've opened up three very exclusive places, and very exclusive This is where you get VIP treatment for me, one on one. I'll even do it in person. If you're near me, we can go to a nice bougie spot, make it a whole, whole experience, either way, though, even online, it's the goddamn experience. It's a whole vibe. Now you can stay as you are, if in a year, five years, 10 years, you're more than happy to stay exactly the same than you do you boo. But if you want different, if you want a different life, you have to be different, and that's where I come in as your personal premium identity designer. Drop me an email at Sarah at the Queen of reinvention.com it's in the show notes, Sarah at the Queen of reinvention.com if you want to snap up one of the three exclusive places before they disappear, and they will disappear so your queen, your designed self, remember, this is not about thinking differently or doing different. It's about being different, and that's what I help you do so for now. Thank you. Thank you for being here listening to the reinvention era podcast. I know you've got a million things you could be doing, so the fact you're here, thank you so very much. It'll be worth it. It'll change your life, love and I will be back in your beauts badass earbuds again next week. Keep that crown on. Go become her. Loads of love. Bye.