EP143 Becoming Her: How to Actually Use Identity Design to Change Your Life

This episode is where the whole Reinvention Era identity series finally comes together.

And honestly? If you’ve spent the last few weeks listening thinking, ‘OK Sare… but how do I ACTUALLY use this in real life?’

THIS is the episode for you.

Because this is where we stop talking about identity theory… and start talking about what actually changes when you consciously redesign who you are.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve gone ovaries deep into:

👑 Your Inherited Self: The version of you shaped by conditioning, expectations and all the ‘good girls do this’ bullsh*t.

👑 Your Survival Self: The version of you that learned how to cope, perform, please, protect yourself and belong.

👑 Your Sovereign Self: The deepest, truest, most authentic part of you underneath all the damn proving energy.

And finally…

👑 Your Designed Self (your Alter Queen): The version of you that you consciously choose to become.

In this episode, I break down what this actually looks like in REAL LIFE.

So whether:

• you secretly want to leave your job
• start the business
• become the CEO
• reinvent your health
• stop repeating relationship patterns
• raise your standards
• or finally become the woman you KNOW you’re capable of being…

this episode will hit. Hard.

Because identity always wins.

And the version of you that got you here? She’s probably NOT the one who takes you next.

Inside this episode we cover:

🔥 Why you keep repeating the same patterns
🔥 Why confidence isn’t actually the issue
🔥 How identity rehearsal changes your brain
🔥 The REAL reason you stay stuck
🔥 How to consciously create your Alter Queen
🔥 Why waiting to feel ready is screwing you over
🔥 And how to start becoming her NOW

Because reinvention doesn’t happen when life magically changes.

It happens when YOU do.

👑 Want to go deeper into this work?

You can DM me directly on Instagram: @queenofreinvention

Or email me: sarah@thequeenofreinvention.com

And if this episode hits you?

Share it to your stories and tag me.

I LOVE seeing who’s listening and what lands for you.

🔥 DOWNLOAD FREEBIES TO FUEL YOUR REINVENTION

📲 FOLLOW on Instagram and Facebook

🩷

Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hola and welcome, welcome. Welcome to the reinvention era podcast with me. Your host, Queen of reinvention and identity, designer for fellow queens. I was gonna say for the stars, but you're all stars, darlings. I'm Sarah Elizabeth, and this, this is the podcast where we stop with all the trying to fix ourselves nonsense and start intentionally designing who we actually want to become, so that we can finally, finally build a life that actually bloody works for us instead of against us. Now, over the last four weeks, we have gone deep. Ovaries deep instead of balls deep. Ovaries deep like accidentally started questioning your whole fucking identity in the shower, kind of deep. We've talked about your inherited self, your survival self, your sovereign self, and finally, your designed self, your alter Queen, if you will. And quite honestly, I think this might be one of the most important like mini series I've ever done on the pod, because once you see this stuff, and the importance of understanding the impact of your identity on you, the results that you're seeing in your life, you can't unsee it, and it's honestly the game changer for everything. So today, I thought, I bring this all together. I wanted to bring it all together because maybe you've been listening along the last few weeks thinking, okay, Sare, this all sounds great and all that love, but what does this actually look like in real life? For me? Excellent question. Gladys, let's go into it. So first, very quickly, let's do a recap. In case you're new here, and if you are, Hola, okay, your inherited self is who you were taught to be. This is all the beliefs, the good ones and the shit ones, all the experiences, all the expectations from everyone around you, all those grown ups, the social conditioning, the identity conditioning. This is like shit like and good girls do this, and successful women look like this, or, or people like us don't do that, and that, that is the energy of the inherited self. So then along comes your survival self, which is the version of you that adapted to that inherited self, the one who learned how to perform, how to please, how to cope, how to achieve, how to protect yourself, how to freaking belong, right? That's the survival self. But underneath all of that, your gorgeous, sovereign self, the truest, deepest, most authentic part of you. This is the part who knows exactly what feels aligned and she's sitting inside you going, Hello, have you forgotten I'm here, you know, whilst we go through life with all the proving energy and our survival self leading the fucking show, and finally, your designed self, the version of you that you consciously and intentionally get to choose to create exactly how you goddamn want it and this, this is where the magic of reinvention actually happens. This is where she hits her reinvention era. Because this is the thing, right, most women seem to think that they need more of something or other, whether that's more confidence, more clarity, more motivation, more discipline, more guts. You just need to design a different identity, because identity will always win always. That's what's guiding you. So what I thought today was bringing all of those selves together. 

Sarah Elizabeth  05:20

Let's go through a few ways this might work in practice for you. Okay, so let's say, first off, you're a woman who secretly, or maybe not so secretly, really wants to leave her fucking job. And honestly, this is so many women. This was me a few weeks ago walking away from a well paid, high status gig because it, quite frankly, didn't align with my values anymore. There was shit going down and it wasn't aligned, and that was fucking hard to walk away from. And I get it, you know, and this might be you as well, you know, you're a huge fucking success on paper, at least great job well paid, you're trusted, you're reliable, you're respected in your area of work, but inside, internally, it doesn't add up. Like it might be that you're bored at your freaking skull or just restless as fuck, like spending your whole day daydreaming all the what ifs what if, you know, wish it could have been different kind of thoughts. And maybe there's that little idea that you keep thinking about, you keep coming back to. It might be a business, that idea that you've got, or maybe a creative project, or just something that you know actually fucking love, love, love to do who you'd love to be, but immediately that old, bloody inherited self, she pipes up, didn't she? Oh, that's a bit risky. You need security. You need a proper job and all that. Oh, God, what a waste of all that hard work you did to get here. Should be grateful you've got a job so many unemployed nowadays. Who do you think you are like? You're better than what you've already got, and then the old fucking survival self joins in like a freaking shitty committee here in your head, don't embarrass yourself. Love, Don't you think he's a bit old for that. It's a bit like changing your career. Innit. What if you screw it up, though, if people judge you, What if you lose money? So what happens? You say exactly where you are, and none of that, none of it, is because you can't do it. It's purely because you're still being driven by the identities that were built for safety, for belonging, for protection. So this is where the designed self identity design comes in, right? So instead of asking, How can I do this? How can I feel less scared, you ask, Who is the version of me that would do this. Who is the woman who takes the risks, who fucking backs herself to make bold and audacious and courageous moves? Who's the woman who trusts herself to fucking do this? Who's she and then will you start rehearsing her mentally like an identity practice, man, like you're an actress. Love, you don't have to quit your job overnight and move to fucking Bali after one podcast episode. alright calm down. Love, calm down for a minute, but maybe you could start speaking a bit differently, making decisions differently, introducing yourself differently, showing up a bit differently, because then you're no longer reinforcing to your brain. Fucking hate my life. I'm stuck where I am. You're reinforcing. You're teaching your brain a new pattern of this is who I am now. This is who I'm becoming. You do that. Watch how shit changes. Believe me, I've just done it myself. 

Sarah Elizabeth  10:06

Or maybe, maybe it's not about a job. Or I will tell you another one, another one. I see a shit tonne of in the online world, like you're a founder, like a business owner, that you just don't feel like a CEO. This one's bloody good, and with the shitty committee, so many women start businesses fucking amazing women with so much skill and experience and knowledge, all the things, or the shizzle, but still psychologically identify it as an employee, like you're waiting for some permission from an invisible boss, even though you are the boss now, like you're waiting to be validated, waiting to feel legit. What a fucking legit CEO bloody looks like meanwhile, you are the business, and this is where the designed self matters so freaking much, because there's a huge, huge difference between someone running a small business, oh, it's just a little, little business, I forgot, you know, and a goddamn CEO, same woman, totally different identity, a CEO identity. She fucking makes decisions. She's off. She stops with this, apologising constantly. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I exist. She raises her prices. She leads. She has her standards. She delegates. She thinks long term. And the wild thing about this in the women that I see, particularly online, try, they try and build the successful business first before becoming the CEO identity. But it works the other way around. You become her first, then the business starts changing. 

Sarah Elizabeth  12:17

Or maybe you're thinking, Oh, I'd quite like to use this like alter queen, Alter Ego, design, self business for health and fitness. Say, this is one I'm 100% using at the moment myself constantly got my alter ego, my alter queen, on this one, because so many women approach health and fitness, like I need to force myself to exercise. Oh, I fucking hate it. I'm not an actual fitness gal. Oh, God, I'm so unfit, I just don't enjoy it. And why? Purely because internally, inside, they identify as someone who struggles with fitness. And I get it. Listen, after a year being unable to work out, after just getting to a point where my was running without dying, it's fucking hard to start again, right? I get it, but what I'm having to do is to redesign my identity to be the person who looks after herself. I'm the woman who prioritises her fitness, prioritises exercise now, I'm someone who understands I need to be fit and healthy, to run around after the grandkids. Whatever your why, whatever your reason might be, that sort of identity, again, completely different energy. When you've got that suddenly, you know movement, exercise becomes just a natural part of your routine. It's normal. You start craving nourishing foods instead of fucking shit like rest suddenly becomes non negotiable, you know? And it is not because you're forcing it. It's just because that's who you are now. It now aligns with who you believe yourself to be now, in your designed self, in your alter queen. 

Sarah Elizabeth  14:29

Or maybe, maybe you want to apply this to relationships personally, not but you know what I mean. You might want to try this with relationships. This is a hot one, right? If your identity is the one that says, Oh God, they always leave me in the end, I'm always the one rejected. They never pick me. I'm too much, or I have to prove my worth, or whatever. I'm not enough all of that shit, right? Guess what your brain is going to do? It's going to keep finding the evidence to prove you freaking right. So what happens if you consciously created a designed self, an order green to become I'm deeply valued, no matter what anyone else thinks. Emotionally, I'm safe. I choose healthy. Love. You're making the decision. You are making the decision for different standards, Queen standards, as I call them, you're making a decision, a choice, for different behaviour, which means different relationships. And look, the important thing about any of these examples, or any other way in which you might want to intentionally design a new identity for yourself, and this really fucking matters. The important thing is your design self is not a delusion. It's not delulu. It's not pretending. It's not slapping affirmations over some unresolved trauma and hoping for the freaking best. That's why we go through the other selves first, because if you skip the inherited self, the survival self, not even know about the sovereign self, then your alter Queen just becomes another freaking show, another mask to fucking hide behind, and that ain't reinvention. This, this work. It works because your brain learns through repetition, your current identity only exists because you repeated the thoughts, the patterns, the emotional patterns, the behaviours, enough times that your brain went, Ah, yeah, this is who we are. This is who we are. We're staying as this now, oh, we're not now. You get, you get to consciously choose new repetitions. That's identity installation, and quite honestly, why I fucking love the alter Queen concept. So damn much, because you can feel it. Yeah, there's been a version of you that has overthought shit or been shrinking or people pleasing or doubting yourself. But then there's her, then there's her, Oh, she's the woman who walks into the room differently. She's the woman who speaks differently, she moves differently, she decides differently, she holds herself to such a better standard, shows the fuck up as that. She already exists right inside you already you're not inventing her from scratch. You're activating her. 

Sarah Elizabeth  18:13

But the biggest mistake I see women make is fucking waiting like waiting for something magical to happen, to come flying through the air and knock at your front door, waiting to feel ready, waiting to feel confident, waiting to feel worthy enough, meanwhile, your next level identity is sitting there like bye. Hello. We could have started this shit six months ago. Love. So your challenge for this week is to stop focusing on what do I need to do, and ask yourself, Who do I need to be? Just try it, even just once, one decision, one little shift, one standard, because that is how reinvention actually fucking happens. Yes, your inherited self shaped you and yes, your survival self protected you, your sovereign self, though she's in there, she knows you and your designed self. When you put it all together, she changes everything, literally everything. And if you're listening to this thinking, right, I'm ready, I'm done, I'm done being the old version of me, set that's the work that I do, exactly the work that I do, whether that's through the podcast, the journal, privately inside my VIP identity design spaces, darling, this is all about helping you become the woman that your next level needs you to be. Because you don't find yourself you fucking design her. Her, and then you be her. You become her. So if you do want to get involved with consciously designing her and fucking being her now bitch, then just drop me a DM on Instagram at Queen of reinvention. And if you're not following me on Instagram, I'm sorry. Why not? At Queen of reinvention on the old Instagram, on the old gram, or drop me an email Sarah at the Queen of reinvention.com or send me a fucking pigeon whatever you need to do, just don't be the woman who sits back and let shit happen to you and then be still sitting there in a year's time wondering what could have been, what could have been if you just actually designed your next level self? Don't be that woman. Be your queen. Be your queen instead. And on that note, thank you so much for being here as always. I appreciate you more than you know. I'm just so freaking grateful. I freaking love you being here. If you have enjoyed the episode as well, please do share it with your mates, or tag me in a story on Insta or whatever. Just share the love. All about sharing the love, love, and then I will be back in your beauts badass earbuds again. Next week, if I've got my timings right, I think we've got a guest next week. We haven't had a guest for a while. Get yourselves ready, love. I think if I've got my timings right next week, we might have a guest. Get excited for that, with our crowns on. So much love. My loves. Bye.