Episode #137: Sexual Freedom, The Power Of Nudity, Finding Sexual Balance & The Banishment Of Shame, With Casey Donatello, OnlyFans Creator + Erotic Book Author

INTRODUCTION:

I believe in breaking rules and pushing against what society considers to be normal behavior for women. I am proud to lie a non-traditional life as a 41 year old married, childfree, non-monogamous Hotwife. I am also a nudist, exhibitionist, slut, erotic author and adult content creator. I created In Bed with Strangers Inc. to inspire others to become confident, empowered, rebellious and unapologetic while embracing their true selves.

It is my mission to help normalize alternative lifestyles so that less people will endure the guilt and shame that I have experienced. “Normal” is whatever YOU define it as and self-acceptance is priceless. If you can master the art of not caring what society considers to be appropriate, then maybe you can attain true freedom as well!

INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):

 ·      Sexual Freedom

·      An Introspective Look Into The Lifestyle

·      Catholic Shade

·      Be Cautious Of Sex Addiction

·      Evolution Within The Lifestyle

·      The Power Of Nudity

·      The Impact Of Intentions Going Into Sex

·      Respecting Sexual Partners

·      Safety Implications

·      Sexual Reputations

CONNECT WITH CASEY DONATELLO:

Website: https://caseydonatello.com

OnlyFans: https://onlyfans.com/hotwifelife869

FetLife: @CaseyDonatelloOfficial

Twitter: https://twitter.com/hotwifelife869

Instagram: @CaseyDonatello.offiicial

Telegram: @CaseyDonatello

Telegram (Free): @CaseyDonatello

Email: InBedWithStrangers@Outlook.com

CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON SERÁPHINO:

Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com

Website: https://www.DownUnderApparel.com   

Donate Via PayPal: https://shorturl.at/gq068

CashApp: $DeVannonHubert

Venmo: @DeVannon 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/SDJPodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexdrugsandjesus

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.es/SexDrugsAndJesus/_saved/

Email: DeVannon@SDJPodcast.com

Transcript

Episode #137: Sexual Freedom, The Power Of Nudity, Finding Sexual Balance & The Banishment Of Shame, With Casey Donatello, OnlyFans Creator + Erotic Book Author

Casey Donatello

De'Vannon Seráphino: [00:00:00] heLlo everyone. This is Devan and Serafino, a host of the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. I really appreciate everyone's patience with me as I'm still in the process of releasing the last few episodes that I have left from last year. I believe everything happens exactly when it's supposed to. So thank you so very much for your understanding.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Casey Donatello is your friendly local neighborhood, hot wife, adult content creator, erotic author who wrote the books in bed with strangers. Swinging my way to self discovery. She also wrote Scarlet Swings Higher, The Sexual Saga Continues, and Scarlet Surrenders, Swinging Into Love. She is also a ghostwriter who can help you write your own book.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And she is the host of the In Bed With Strangers podcast. You can find her on OnlyFans, you can find her on FetLife, and now you can find her on the Sex, Drugs, and [00:01:00]Jesus Podcast, baby, yes. Take a listen. 

Casey Donatello: So even when I first got into it, it was so overwhelming. I'm going to lifestyle clubs. I'm meeting all these people. Like you are just surrounded by nakedness and sex and fetish and like all these crazy things are happening. So it didn't take long until I was just like, I was totally consumed by this world Well, it's interesting because after spending so many years single and having, like, these unattached experiences, when I started dating my husband, I had a very hard time having, like, normal, intimate sex with him. It freaked me out, and he was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I hope you enjoy that appetizer, now get ready for the main course.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Hello. Hello. Hello. Are you delicious and magical truffles out there? Welcome back to the sex drugs and Jesus Christ of Nazareth podcast. I'm your host. Devannon have with me the lovely sexy and a [00:02:00] multi faceted multi talented Jesus Christ. Take the motherfucking will Casey Donatello. What a cool ass last name Donatello.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I am giving you Ninja Turtles as you're giving me How often do you need a fucking Donatello? Are you like a mafia boss, bitch? Or do you need to leave for this conversation after we get off the 

Casey Donatello: call? No, nothing to worry about here. That was a lovely intro, though. My God, I'm so flattered. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Hells yeah, y'all.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Casey's, I mean, just to kind of wrap it up, a love and life coach. However However, you can also find her over on OnlyFans under HotWifeAlife869. Her website is CaseyDonatello. com. This, this woman has about as many damn jobs as I do. She writes, Gotta stay busy. You gotta stay hustlin A hustler's work is never through.

De'Vannon Seráphino: She is working on the In Bed [00:03:00] podcast, which is upcoming, right? forthcoming, she does virtual sessions, fetish sessions. She has her only fan. She teaches other people how to live. She does lifestyle guidance and everything. And I'm gonna let her go into more details about that. So basically this woman has found her balance giftings and callings, and now she's also humble enough to help other people do the same thing.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Casey, how are you today? 

Casey Donatello: I'm doing so great. Finally got together. I'm so excited. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Can we get together? I better stop singing Madonna. I don't know. Get all gay and shit. As I am. But so, Quick shout out to Dr. Darian Parker from the Dr. D social network. A website and podcast. His website is drdarianparker.

De'Vannon Seráphino: com. And that was how I met this beautiful, lovely, talented individual sitting right here in front of me. Hey, Dr. Darian, how are you? [00:04:00] Love you. Hey, Hey, Hey. So tell us about, like, in your own words, your history and whatever it is you want to fucking say about yourself. 

Casey Donatello: So it's really interesting how I became, very out in the public now about being in the lifestyle, about having an alternative relationship and having an OnlyFans and all these things, because many, many years ago when I was younger, this is the complete opposite of anything that I would ever imagined I was doing.

Casey Donatello: I was very shy about sex, I was very uncomfortable with sex, and like, nudity, I did go to Catholic school, I wasn't raised in like, a really crazy, strict family, but, you know, after you go to Catholic school for most of your life, you are given these ideas that You know, sex before marriage is bad, it's a sin, masturbation is bad, porn is bad, just everything is not okay that is [00:05:00] fun in life, you know, and I remember also being very aware that there was this double standard where guys could, you know, have all the sex they want and it was great, but then girls were, you know, Trashy slutty whores if they wanted to be promiscuous and I just had all of these Conflicting, you know battles going on in my head because I wanted to be this slutty girl But I was so nervous to be this slutty girl And then eventually I stumbled upon the lifestyle and little by little I started to meet people and get exposed to This community where it was okay to be like this, but at the same time, it was okay to be like that in the lifestyle, but not, you know, openly in your everyday life, you still have to have these two sides to you where you can be free in the lifestyle, but in your vanilla life, you want to still be, you know, respectable and classy.

Casey Donatello: So you have these two worlds [00:06:00] that you're battling between, and I found it very hard to try to date and have a relationship. Knowing that I wanted to be out there, you know, fucking everybody that I could and be going to, you know, parties and doing all this crazy shit. But you don't want to admit that to a new guy that you just met because you don't want to be judged.

Casey Donatello: So, eventually, I ended up marrying someone that I met in the lifestyle, and through being with him, it really made me confident and just not give a fuck anymore. Because, he married me the way I am. We're both doing this, you know, crazy sex When you have somebody by you, it makes it way less scary to talk about it and have other people know this about you.

Casey Donatello: But if he's proud to be married to me, and I'm like this, there's really no Reason to be embarrassed about it, and I'm 41 now, like, I don't understand why sex is such a [00:07:00] big deal, and it's so Embarrassing to talk about, and people hide their kinks in their fetishes. You know, if if you don't care, then other people can't shame you anymore.

Casey Donatello: And that was the reason that I ended up doing OnlyFans, Because I just wanted to take that power into my old ha my own hands, And just be like, fuck it, I really have nothing left to hide. I don't care. My face is there. My husband's face is there. You know, we really are living out loud and proud now, and it's so exciting and refreshing and liberating, and I absolutely love it.

Casey Donatello: I wish I did this a long time ago. Yeah, your husband has 

De'Vannon Seráphino: nice nipples, by the way. 

Casey Donatello: My husband's very attractive. As are 

De'Vannon Seráphino: you. Maybe the three of us will have to hang out sometime.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So, okay. So much, so much, so much, so much, so much there. Did you have a profession before you [00:08:00] became OnlyFans? 

Casey Donatello: Yeah, I used to be a chef, like, a long time ago. And then I just, it was so much. It was exhausting. It was overwhelming, like, physically and mentally. And I just, I don't know, it just sucked the life out of me.

Casey Donatello: And I found that I was not really enjoying life anymore. I was working too hard. I had no life. And I don't know. I just kind of had. Like an early midlife crisis, I guess, and I just fuckin left the industry. And ever since then, I've just been doing random, like, jobs and gigs. It wasn't all sex related, it was just like normal, random jobs, where I could freelance and have work life balance.

Casey Donatello: And then last year, my husband and I were talking and For some reason, it just felt like the right time to have an OnlyFans page, and now, all these other jobs have stumbled upon me through that, and now I am full time in, you know, the adult lifestyle [00:09:00] industry, I guess you could say. But, we did not plan this, it just kind of fell into my lap, and we are going with it.

Casey Donatello: It's been a crazy rollercoaster, and It's funny because I probably dedicate as much time to my sex related jobs as I did to the kitchen, but I'm so much happier doing this job than my old job. Like, I don't feel like this is work anymore. I love doing this. I live it 24 7. I work it 24 7. So, I and they say if you do what you love, it's not work, and that's exactly how I feel about it.

Casey Donatello: I feel so happy and blessed that I can do something this fun and creative with my life. Like, finally. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Hallelujah. Finally. I, I feel you on all of that. You know, I've, I've been in the service industry from, you know, working in the, you know, as a busser, as a bartender, server, delivery food driver, service industry is [00:10:00] very damn toxic.

De'Vannon Seráphino: There's a lot of bitter people. I mean, besides the stupidly long hours that you work. It's something, there's this spirit of oppression that is there when you're dealing with people who feel like you have to do what they say, especially here in the United States, so there's still this whack ass tipping system that they have, but it creates this environment where it's like the restaurant workers kind of can turn, or totally fucking turn against the customers because they're angry and shit, and it's just nasty, and I don't fool with it anymore either because of the energy.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Everything is energy. I heard you when you say, like, the church restricted everything that was fun. I grew up Pentecostal, and yeah, the masturbation was the thing that I was like, I'm like, why the hell can't I, like, wank my fucking dick? Because you told me not to have sex with anyone, not to masturbate.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I cannot pray blue balls away. I mean, I could, but the Lord They don't 

Casey Donatello: give you any, like, alternatives or any options. They just rule [00:11:00] out every single thing. And I remember, you're a young kid, and in Catholic school, we had to go to con confession, and they'd give you this pamphlet of all the potential sins you may have, you know, um, um, done, and you would have to go tell this random old guy face to face, and I'm just like, what?

Casey Donatello: This is so awkward and uncomfortable, and we always lied, like, no one actually tells the truth, you know, because you're not going to go in there and admit all these dirty things to some man, that's at least how I feel about it, but there was just always There's just shame around it and having to wait till you're married to have sex.

Casey Donatello: I never understood that one. I don't think sex is for procreation only. Me and my husband are proud to not have children and we have a shitload of sex. And I don't understand why one is like mixed up with the other. I think that's so crazy. The 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Catholic Church, like all religions, seek to control. I was once at a seminary in Houston, Texas, the Houston Graduate School of Theology.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I [00:12:00] don't even consider this to be shade because it's true. One of the professors was like, yes, we want to control the congregation. And I was the only person in there going, no, we should not be controlling the congregation. But they lead into it with that. It's not, you know, movies like The Golden Compass and things like that all talk about this.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Books like Dune, you know, the, you know, all of that is about that very thing. The Catholic Church is bullshit and I, I encourage everyone to leave it because it is not about, the Catholic Church is about the people, it's not about Christ. You know, you don't need a human to stand in between you and the Lord that was already done and accomplished.

De'Vannon Seráphino: The Catholic Church is about ritual control and getting you distracted with everything, but actually an intimate personal relationship with the Lord. So I stand against the Catholic Church. And it's unfortunate because so many people I talked to have been damaged by that church. And it's like a whole fucking shitshow when they leave it and try to get disentangled from the religious trauma and the mental health [00:13:00] trauma that they leave it with.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So, I'm very, very sorry that you had to go through that. I am happy you found your freedom. 

Casey Donatello: When I, I, Oh, sorry. I was gonna say, I'm definitely not Catholic. I have not been Catholic since I was a teenager. I don't identify with anything. I don't know if I'd be more atheist or agnostic at this point. But, I don't believe in any actual religion.

Casey Donatello: I just believe in karma and you should be a nice person just because, like. That's it. It's very simple to 

De'Vannon Seráphino: me, right? Having a conscious is a good thing and understanding that we all will reap what we sow is very interesting. Um, you know, it's like, like, you know, a lot of people have that innate sense there, even if they don't have any kind of relationship with God or religion or anything.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know, there's some very, very good people, such as yourself, who I feel like exhibit a lot of the Christian qualities, even though you don't fuck with it or anything like that, more than the people who go to church. It's like, it's like, you're more like Christ [00:14:00] like than the churchgoers, like, what the fuck?

Casey Donatello: Yeah, I'm the same way, and I don't want to like, shit on anybody that's listening to this that's really religious, but I don't believe in the same thing, like, Going through another person to be religious or going to a special building to be like if you are religious It should just be within you and you are religious all the time Not just because there's so many Catholics that are only Catholic on Sunday or Easter or Christmas and the rest of year They're total assholes, you know, so 

De'Vannon Seráphino: you're right.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You're not wrong about that I don't I like you said I don't try to shit on anybody who feel like they have to go to the big building that to see the big be the fucking preacher on stage, but It's unnecessary. It's completely unnecessary, but, 

Casey Donatello: it's just that you have, you have some people that are like, true, and if we talk about Catholic, like true Catholics, they, you know, live by the Bible, and they do the right thing.

Casey Donatello: And, yes, they go to church and all that, and that's fine, but then you have these other people that pretend to be religious [00:15:00] but just go once or twice a year and call themselves Catholics but don't actually, you know, like, follow any of the commandments or any of the ways that Jesus would like you to be, and that's what I have a problem with, there's so many hypocrites about religion.

Casey Donatello: I guess that's what I don't like. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Get sure in the hell is and we all just because you check those boxes going to church and high fiving sister Susie and shit That don't mean that you live and write yourself So I when I got out disentangled when I left the Pentecostal So when I let's go to the military and I had some freedom, you know, though I was still technically Pentecostal I began to explore sexually and everything And really took it way out of control, because I went from being super restricted, coming from Baton Rouge That's what happens though!

De'Vannon Seráphino: So, so you mentioned the word slut a lot. I want to bring clarity in between what the fuck sex positivity is, versus [00:16:00] destructive sexual behavior. Like, I need to, I need to, I need to clarify that there is a difference. Because some people might hear this and think, Oh, I can just go sleep with whoever I want, however I want, in whatever the case may be.

De'Vannon Seráphino: That when, so when she says slut in the fetish world, that, that word slut is not used in the same meaning because I'm on like fetlife. com and I'm going to give you an example in, in, in the realm of society that takes a very disciplined, structured approach to sex, even though there may be a lot of it for some people is not for me, but you know, I'm looking into it, you know, for education at this point.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So when you say, I need you to explain to people Like a healthy sexual exploration versus not healthy. 

Casey Donatello: Well, so okay, female empowerment is very big for me. I mean, sexual empowerment for everybody, but especially as a girl because that's the stuff that I struggled with mostly. There is a fine line between being empowered and Violated being proud of what you're doing [00:17:00] versus feeling used by what you're doing and most of it comes from Basically, like how you feel and what your intentions are and what your motivations are I fuck a lot of people because I enjoy it Turns me on, I like it, I'm in control of it, I don't fuck a lot of people so that I will be popular, or I will be liked, or, you know, so it's kind of the reason that you're doing it, if you're doing it for reasons that are positive to you, then it's empowering, if you are doing it Out of like, desperation, or to try to save a relationship, or things like that, then you go the other route where it's not helpful to you anymore.

Casey Donatello: And if you call yourself a slut, it's like a badge of honor. But, you know, it depends how other people are calling you a slut. It could be degrading, or it could be flattering. So, it really depends who you're with and how it's being used. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I [00:18:00] heard you when you said Oh, go ahead. 

Casey Donatello: No, I was gonna say, but there is this movement now where women are taking back the word slut and they're embracing it, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Casey Donatello: Because people always want to slay shame you for being a slut, but if you're not ashamed of it, then there's no shame in it. If that makes any sense at all,

De'Vannon Seráphino: right? I can get behind the no shame squaring that with how you said about intentions, intentional everything and everything that you just said revolves around people knowing who they are.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yes, it's a huge thing in this world in general, especially if you're going to start dabbling and mixing energies with people through sex and things like that. You got to 1st know who you are and why you're going about the business of doing it. So, since there is a lot of sex and everything do you feel like, you know, in the world that you live in and in the FetLife world, that people with sex addictions can get lost in this 

Casey Donatello: world.

Casey Donatello: Absolutely. [00:19:00] Absolutely. You need. So even when I first got into it, all of this was so brand new to me and it was so overwhelming. I'm going to lifestyle clubs. I'm meeting all these people. Like you are just surrounded by nakedness and sex and fetish and like all these crazy things are happening. And I already have an addictive personality.

Casey Donatello: I know that So it didn't take long until I was just like, I was totally consumed by this world, and I was going out all the time, I was meeting people all the time, like constantly. This was my life. And when it starts to affect your real world, where, like, you're not hanging out with your regular friends or your family, or, you know, you're not doing things you're supposed to be doing in your daily life, you have to take a step back and go, Oh, shit, like, I need to rein it back in a little bit.

Casey Donatello: I need to control myself. And once I got over that initial, like, the high feeling of all this sex and stuff going on, Because before [00:20:00] that, when I was younger, I did do a lot of drugs. And once I stopped doing drugs, you kinda need something to fill the void. And then I found this crazy world of sex, and I was like, Oh, this'll do, this'll do the job, I could like, go overboard in this.

Casey Donatello: But you want everything in balance. You never wanna lose sight of what's important and who you are, to live out these fantasies and stuff like that. So, after, you know, the first year, probably, or something like that, I was like, okay that first initial wave of craziness is gone, and now I need to do this in a responsible way, and a mature way, and a way that is bringing something positive to my life, and not You know having a negative effect on me, and now everything is good with me.

Casey Donatello: I'm totally in control of everything that's happening, and I am I wouldn't say I'm a sex addict because people always ask me that. I have an addictive personality, but I am not a sex addict [00:21:00] because I say no to a ton of sex. My husband and I, you know, take breaks from playing in the lifestyle for extended periods.

Casey Donatello: Our vanilla life always comes before the lifestyle. We're very careful with that now. So it just takes a little time to find that sweet spot. And, you know, for some people, some couples might only play once a month. Some couples might play twice a week. It really depends on who you are, what your relationship is like, what you are looking to get out of it.

Casey Donatello: So there's no, you know just basic template, like, you should do this, you should do this, this often. It really is trial and error for people. But if you ever feel like you are kind of getting overwhelmed by it, just take a break, step away from it. It's always gonna be there, you can always go back to it.

Casey Donatello: But your sanity and your peace of mind is very important. You don't want to lose that while you're trying to have fun. [00:22:00]

De'Vannon Seráphino: Right. Some people really act like they can't go out, go without sex, or whatever their creature comforts are. You know, and it's really quite sad, because the only things we have to have in this life are like air, food, water, and clothing.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Everything else is like literally negotiable, and you don't have to have it. Even though it's good, and if it's hurting you, then stepping away for as long as you need to is the responsible adult and mature thing to do. The 

Casey Donatello: other thing that I found to be a bit of a struggle in the beginning was, when you're in the lifestyle, a lot of the lifestyle is based on, like, NSA sex random hookups, you know, you're just meeting people for sex.

Casey Donatello: Not that you can never be friends with them and stuff like that, but generally speaking, It is, you know, no strings, no emotions involved and stuff like that. So when I started having all the sex with all these different people and you weren't supposed to have your emotions It starts to feel a little like hollow and empty, [00:23:00] especially when I was single because now you're just giving and giving and giving a part of you and you're not really getting that, I don't know, something special part back that if you were in love with someone or you were dating someone you would get back.

Casey Donatello: So I struggled with that a little bit when I was single. Now that I have a partner, it's a lot easier because I get all of that intimacy, all of that love, all the affection. You know, the cuddling, the hand holding from him. And then we're able to still go out and do all this crazy stuff on dates. But now I have balance.

Casey Donatello: And for someone like me, I need that other part. I need that intimacy. Or you start to feel lonely, you start to just feel like, what is the point? Like, you know, other people might love that, they don't want any attachment. But it was very complicated in the beginning to separate feelings from sex, because I was used to having very long term relationships and being monogamous.

Casey Donatello: So your brain needs to adapt, and some people handle [00:24:00] it very well. Some people don't handle it so well. So even with that, you need to figure out where you fall on that scale and learn what your limits are, what your boundaries are, what your expectations for people are. You know, I had some friends that we were definitely weren't dating, but we were hooking up for years.

Casey Donatello: So you get a little closeness from that person, but you still can't cross that line into relationship. You know, so, some people have no kissing rules, no cuddling rules when they're on playdates. Other people don't care. It really is open to interpretation. And that's the really The coolest part about the lifestyle, I think, is that it really becomes what you want it to be, and everybody's journey is going to be different.

Casey Donatello: I've had people read my books and they go, Oh, that book was horrible. That's not what swinging is to me. No, that's what it was for me, not for you. My books are like a diary. They're my story. They're not telling you what to go out and do. You know, no one ever said [00:25:00] that. But people can understand that if you're not in the lifestyle in the same way that they're in it, Then you're doing it wrong, and that's not true.

Casey Donatello: There's so many variations now, and ways to be in the lifestyle. You know, originally swinging was couples and couples only, like, back in the day. Now you have all these variations, you have poly people, you have, like, ethically non monogamous. You have triads, you have throuples, you know, you have all different gender identities, all different sexual identities and it really is, you know, you have the fetish world, the BDSM world, this is all in the lifestyle and you are allowed to be as mild or as wild as you want to be, there is no Like no textbook for this.

Casey Donatello: It's it literally is a journey and it's always changing. I am not the same person I was when I started in the lifestyle. I'm not the same as I was five years ago in the lifestyle. You're always evolving. [00:26:00] And that's the beauty of it. You can decide, Hey, I don't want to do this anymore, or, Hey, I want to try that.

Casey Donatello: But I didn't want to try it before, but now I'm ready. You know, you meet these new people and they open your mind up to different things. And it really is amazing how, from sex, you really do learn so much about yourself and you grow in this crazy way. And even my husband and I got into nudism now, and that's another empowering thing.

Casey Donatello: Like, being able to strut around, butt naked, and socialize with people in a non sexual environment was very hard at first. It's weird. And people always say, oh, but I'm not hot enough to go to a nudist place. I go, it's not even about that. No one cares what you look like. It's just the ability to be confident and be free and be liberated and just hang out naked.

Casey Donatello: It's one of the most fun things I think we do now. Like we absolutely love it. We go nude camping all the time and [00:27:00] to be naked in a non sexual environment can really mess with your head at first. You have like nothing to fidget with. You can't fix anything when you're nervous, but I truly believe that when you're naked.

Casey Donatello: Everybody kind of feels like they're equal. You can't judge people. You can't assume anything about people. There's kind of this like equality that's happening when everybody is already naked and you become more Like friendly you let your guard down a little bit And I think it's something that everybody should try at least one time.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Right, I'm gonna circle back to that. I wanna, I wanna ask about like, in terms of like, so you have your stable relationship, which is super great, and so y'all are experimenting, experiencing different things with different people. Do you feel like that you respect everybody that you have sex with? 

Casey Donatello: I try to.

Casey Donatello: The intention is to, going into it. But, you can't [00:28:00] control the outcome of all your dates. And just because you think, you know, via texting or a website, you guys are gonna hit it off. Some people are assholes when you meet them. And it's, doesn't always go well. But, even if the sex is horrible, if the person is nice, then I absolutely respect them.

Casey Donatello: We try to make the best of a worse, of a bad situation. You know, we try to always be respectful of people's feelings because You know having sex with someone is a big deal Even if we act like it's not a big deal because we are so sexually active Like every person I have sex with I take seriously whether or not people think I do I absolutely do because every time you have sex with someone you are giving them a part of you.

Casey Donatello: You know, it's a different amount for different people, but it does matter and it does add up and it does have this impact on you after a long time. And I think the fact that we're all in this lifestyle and we're trying to [00:29:00] live out these fantasies and explore together, you need to be respectful of each other because some people need a little more guidance.

Casey Donatello: Some people are unsure what they need. You know if you're trying something new with someone, it There might be some problems or awkward situations that arise. And you don't want to embarrass anybody, you know? And so as long as the guy is not an asshole, then we're very nice to them. Once in a while you meet a guy that is rude and vulgar and I have no problem telling him how I really feel about that because that is not the right attitude to come at somebody with in the lifestyle.

Casey Donatello: It's not about that. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Right. I that, that, that all sounds like clarity to me. Everything you're talking about has to do with being conscious. And with the sex, with all the sexual exploration, so much of the world today seems to run on autopilot, especially like with hookup apps and things like that.

De'Vannon Seráphino: It's like it's just square, click, send nudes, go get [00:30:00] naked, rinse, wash, repeat. It's not, there's no like emotion, there's no intent, there's no like. And people literally don't care about the people they sleep with. Tell me what you think about this. I was in New York the other week, talking to, across the little pond from you, because y'all, she's up there, North Joisey, North Joisey, talking to this girl, who, who, who is, who I think is a sex addict, and she was telling me, how she's, you know, how she's not very happy, but she likes to have a lot of sex with people.

De'Vannon Seráphino: She's, Like on the witchy scale, and so when she has sex with people, she intentionally imagines that she's siphoning energy out of them in order to drain them, which makes her feel strong. It leaves them infatuated with her. And then she, per her word says, she doesn't give a fuck about the people she sleeps with.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And she does it regularly. And so, how do you shield yourself from coming across someone like [00:31:00] that? And what do you think about people who will go and get naked and go through all the rituals to sleep with people and in their head be like, I don't give a fuck about that person. 

Casey Donatello: I mean, you can't control people from being like that.

Casey Donatello: I mean, sometimes within a few interactions before meeting someone, you can kind of get a vibe. Like, okay, and this is what people find very fascinating. I fucked hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. I love anonymous sex, I love random hookups, but if a guy's first message to me is a dick pic or something really graphic and vulgar, I don't answer that message, and people go, Why does that offend you?

Casey Donatello: I go, Because it's the approach. Just because I am, you know This, like, huge, like, slut or whatever, which is fine. You still need to treat me with some kind of respect. And people in the lifestyle sometimes, when they're new, they don't understand that this is a world based on respect and etiquette and you are not entitled to [00:32:00] anything.

Casey Donatello: Just because I'm on a swinger site or a sex site, Does not mean you are entitled to fuck me, I can still say no to whoever I want, and I don't need a reason to say no to you, other than the fact that my answer is no. So, that's how you feel it out by people, the way they respond to you, the way they approach you.

Casey Donatello: You know, sometimes you politely say no to someone, and they start begging you, like non stop, and that's a weird one. Move on to somebody else, or they get angry, and then they start saying rude, obnoxious things because I won't fuck them, like, It's very easy for me at this point, because I've been doing it for so long, to kind of spot the people I don't want to associate with, But once in a while, obviously, somebody slips through the cracks that you shouldn't have met.

Casey Donatello: But, I would say that's the biggest thing for people that are curious about the lifestyle, is that you really need to have respect in this world. You should treat people like you would in the vanilla dating world, But just know that we are more open minded, and, you [00:33:00] know, sex is a bigger part of our agenda.

Casey Donatello: But we are still regular people, and you still need to have some kind of class and consideration when, you know, you deal in the lifestyle. If not, it's just like trashy and weird and I don't like that part about it. This isn't like a free for all where you just get to do whatever you want. You still have to meet the right people Find the right pieces and it's actually a lot of work and very time consuming to find the right people It could you know, I could spend all day looking for one person sometimes And that's what makes it more serious for us versus somebody that doesn't care If I didn't care, I would just open an email and say, Fine, you're next on my list, but I don't.

Casey Donatello: I search for people that I think we are gonna be compatible with, that I think we're gonna have good energy with, that our vision of a sexual experience will align with. For example, [00:34:00] you know, a lot of people think sex is sex, and that's it, you have a hookup and you're done. But at this point in our relationship, and like, we've both been in the lifestyle a long time, my husband and I, We want specific kinds of dates, we want a specific kind of experience and an outcome, so we really take our time to look for those people.

Casey Donatello: Like, we love hardcore, nasty, graphic, like, porn sex. We don't want to meet people that want to have romantic sexual sex. It's not gonna work with us. So, you know, people have to understand that people want different things out of sex, and you need to find the proper people. If not, it just becomes a mess and a disaster, and then you are just having sex for the sake of sex, versus having sex to have this intense experience and You know, have something happen from it.

Casey Donatello: There's a very big difference to me and other people might disagree. They might feel like it's all the same. You just fuck [00:35:00] people and that's it. But I think there's a very big distinction. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I think people sort of just self deceive themselves when they try to reduce sex to just a physical. Action. I take a more spiritual side to it.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I always say God invented sex. It's spiritual, energetic exchange, emotional exchange, whether you think it is or not, and humans don't have a right to change that. What you're saying is along those same lines, to the extent, or at least it runs parallel to it, in the sense that it's not just two husks of flesh bumping together.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Like, there's so much more at play, and it matters who the other person is. Do you have sex to make you happy, or are you already happy, and the lifestyle you live is an extension of that happiness? 

Casey Donatello: Maybe in the beginning, I was having sex to be happy, now I'm having sex because I'm so happy. And I can't contain myself, and I just need to have sex.

Casey Donatello: But there is a very big difference. Because in the beginning, I was figuring [00:36:00]myself out, I didn't even know what I liked. I was just, you know, and I actually started in the lifestyle with a different guy. End. It started because, like, he wanted to meet other girls to play with and stuff. So I did a little bit of that, and then along the way I realized that I'm very straight, and I don't want to be doing that part.

Casey Donatello: So when I became single, eventually I focused on, like, groups of guys and multiple guys. And I was like, oh, now I really love this. Like, this is definitely what I'm supposed to be doing, and how I should be spending my free time. Versus I'm doing this because my partner wants to do this or because I want to make my partner happy I don't want them to break up with me and I feel obligated to do this I also don't think you know, it's funny because my husband and I talk sometimes about because i'm very big on consent Especially in the lifestyle consent can be tricky right because you're meeting people to fuck them But you can still say no whenever you want it's not guaranteed and some people think by meeting them for a drink off the website like You're a [00:37:00] done deal.

Casey Donatello: And that is not true. You can walk away from anything at any point. But even in a relationship, like, I'm married, but my husband still kinda needs consent to fuck me, like, obviously he's not gonna ask me every single time, but I am allowed to say no to my husband if I'm if I don't wanna have sex, or I'm not in the mood, or if I don't like what he wants to do to me.

Casey Donatello: And I think sometimes that gets tricky because you feel like you need To keep your partner happy, and you need to do what they want so they don't cheat on you. You know, it could get a little complicated where you are having sex for the wrong reasons, versus you're having sex to, like, make your connection stronger.

Casey Donatello: That's different than doing it to save a relationship. So there's, everything is a fine line with sex. You know, You put, you just push a little too hard and it goes from a good thing to a bad thing. You switch one little thing, it could go from a bad thing to a good thing. But it really is all about, like I said before, your intention and your motivation.[00:38:00]

Casey Donatello: And I think people really need to spend more time thinking about what they're doing, and why they're doing it, and I think they'd be in a much healthier headspace for that. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: So this is not a world for people to get into if they don't know who the fuck they are, because they're going to get lost. 

Casey Donatello: I mean, you don't have to know exactly who you are, because that is the point, right?

Casey Donatello: It's a journey, you are searching and stuff, but you need to have Some kind of stability and be able to stay grounded while you're figuring out who you are, you know You need I didn't if you have like a support system Or there's somebody you could talk to because it's hard when you're in the lifestyle.

Casey Donatello: You don't want to tell your friends You're embarrassed. You don't want them to judge you. They think you're weird. So if you can find someone you can talk to whether they're in the lifestyle or vanilla friend Or you're doing it as a couple It's a lot easier sometimes because you can balance each other out.

Casey Donatello: You can be like, okay, we need to take a break What do you need? [00:39:00] When you're a couple, there's a lot of aftercare that goes into a play date when you're single you miss out on that so you don't need to know who you are, but You just need to be logical enough to know, you know, how you're, how you're doing.

Casey Donatello: And if you're doing a good job, or you're fucking it up, and you need to like, work on some things, and that's okay. It's, being in, on this journey, it's all about obstacles and problems, and how you deal with them, and how you grow from them. Like, but that's about life in general, right? Like, you learn from the hard times.

Casey Donatello: You don't really learn from the good times as much, right? You have fun in the good times, but when something goes wrong, or when you're feeling down about something, or you're struggling internally, that's when you really have to reflect on yourself and say, Okay, why am I feeling like this? What do I need to do different?

Casey Donatello: What's happening? You know. And that's how you really grow, and then you figure out, Okay, [00:40:00] this isn't working. I think that would be a better path. And then you can eventually find happiness. You know, that way, but it really just is paying attention to the signs and being self aware. I would say, you know, right.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So you've mentioned a couple of times, like meeting somebody like for drinks first or whatever the case may be. So is that the way that, that you usually go about it? You'll meet in a public space first. Do you ever just go over to the person's house? 

Casey Donatello: I do everything in the very beginning. I only met. at a bar first to make sure, and then you go to play right after.

Casey Donatello: Some people meet for a drink, but then they will set up a second date to play if they like you. We've been doing this for so long, like, we don't do that, like, if we're setting time aside, our intention is to play, so we're gonna play on the first date if we hit it off. But I also love going straight to people's hotel rooms, You know, when I was single, I did go straight to people's houses.

Casey Donatello: I had [00:41:00] them come to my house. I've tried every option out there, but generally me and my husband, we do meet at a bar and then like go to hotel or something. If we know that if we've met the people before, then we'll go straight to the hotel. I'm a little more daring than my husband. Cause that, that part turns me on like the anonymous part, but he really prefers to meet the people before we play.

Casey Donatello: So we compromise on that. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: But y'all are always 

Casey Donatello: together, right? Yes, I am. So I'm in the hot wife category, so like, he shares me with other guys. And he has no problem if I want to go out on my own, but I don't want to, like. So we're considered stag and vixen, he's always with me. But that's for us, that's the fun part, is experiencing it together.

Casey Donatello: I don't want to go on a date and then come back and have to tell him about it. Like, it could be hot, but I'd rather him be there first hand to not miss anything. And also, people think it's kind of crazy to be at the point where not only is your partner sharing you, [00:42:00] like, he's watching me fuck other guys, but he's holding my hand, he's holding my hair, we're saying I love you when another guy's inside me, like, it is so crazy for people to think that you could get to a place where, like, That's a romantic moment, like watching your wife get fucked, but it totally is, you know?

Casey Donatello: And then we have all these protocols for like aftercare and to make sure that we stay on track because you never want Being in the lifestyle to interrupt your relationship. That's the last thing you want, right? Like he is the most important thing to me. All of this other stuff is fun. And even though we respect our dates like They don't matter at the end of the day.

Casey Donatello: My relationship matters, you know. And you need to keep that in mind. You and your partner always need to be talking, always need to be communicating. You need to be on the same page. If one person isn't feeling it, you shouldn't be doing it, you know. You have to really take your bond seriously because the point is to make your bond stronger, not to damage it.

Casey Donatello: And it's very easy to 

De'Vannon Seráphino: damage it. [00:43:00] What I love is that you have the option to do something which is to go out by yourself and you're not using it. I think that it's a beautiful thing that even though you could, you're showing that you're still putting your husband first. Having options and not using them.

De'Vannon Seráphino: It's something that it's, it seems like it's so hard for me to get through to this current generation, because it seems like everybody's like, Hey, I have this option, clearly I have to use it. And I'm like, no, you don't. It's, it's a very beautiful thing to be able to do something and choose not to just because you can, doesn't mean you 

Casey Donatello: should.

Casey Donatello: Well, what's really hilarious is we've been together for four years now. When we first met, we were both in lifestyle. And I said, hey, listen, I want to be a hot wife that goes out, fucks guys, comes home, fucks my husband, you know, and he's like, I don't like that idea at all. And then four years later, he's the one going, I think you should go out and fuck someone and come home to me.

Casey Donatello: And I'm like, but I don't want to go without you, you know, like, I would miss him too much. We are so into [00:44:00] each other. But our, that's what I mean, like, our ideas of our relationship completely flipped from how we first met. We both, you know, changed our views. But we meet in the middle now and he's like, fine, like I'll be everywhere with you then.

Casey Donatello: Like, I can't imagine doing something without him there. Like it would just not

De'Vannon Seráphino: be fun. I love the fact that that's so romantic and cute and lovely and adorable. I love the fact that you understand that the extracurricular things that you do with other people are never supposed to take the place of the relationship.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You're supposed to schedule time with your partner and always make it a priority. And even in the midst of the sex. session that y'all are having, you're still strengthening that bond. What do you have to say, though, about, like, safety? So you said that you used to go out by yourself. People still get hurt going out on hookups to this day in time.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Speak to me about the safety implications, because at the end of the day, you don't really know the people you're going to go meet if it's [00:45:00] the first time, 

Casey Donatello: especially. You don't. But we're on sites where people get verified. Or they get, like, reviews from other users and stuff. So we only meet people that have some kind of credential.

Casey Donatello: It's still not 100%, obviously, something can always go wrong. But we try to limit the risk by meeting people that we know, met other people. We also meet a lot of guys through guys that we know. There's this weird concept that we'll meet a guy and then, like, he wants to bring his friends next time. So, you verify them through other people.

Casey Donatello: Nothing is ever 100 percent safe. It is much safer now that my husband's always there versus when I was single. I never, you know, You can also treat a lifestyle date as a vanilla date and tell one of your friends where you are not say It's a lifestyle date just say hey i'm going out with this guy That I met online, you know on a vanilla site live whatever you need to do So that someone knows where you are.

Casey Donatello: A lot of stuff is gut feeling, though. Like, if you think something feels off, fucking leave. Don't [00:46:00] feel pressure to stay because you went on a date with somebody. And there have been so many times where I didn't sleep with the person, cause something, you just have this vibe, like they said something weird, or you don't like their energy, and it used to be weird at first for me, cause I'd be like, oh fuck, I have to turn them down, and now I don't care.

Casey Donatello: Like, if I don't like you for some reason, Not doing it. Doesn't matter why. And people need to understand that. Like, you don't always need to know why you have This voice in your head telling you it's not a good idea. I mean, but just like vanilla dating, obviously, like you said, something could happen, but I don't really see our lifestyle being more dangerous than the vanilla lifestyle, the way we run it, you know, if you're just hooking up with random people from all these apps without thinking twice about it, yeah, you're probably putting yourself at risk, you know, so you want, again, it's about being smart, trying to minimize the bad things that can happen.

Casey Donatello: And [00:47:00] the lifestyle community is interesting because when you live in an area, it's like word of mouth, a lot of people know the same people and word spreads. So if there's been people that have messaged me and I won't meet them because someone told me something I didn't like about them. Whether or not it's true, I don't even give a shit.

Casey Donatello: But if there's an inkling that they had a bad situation with that person, why would I even go near it? Like, there's so many other people to meet, why would I risk putting myself in a dangerous situation to have a hookup? Like, it just doesn't make sense to me. So, I don't know. But a lot of people in the lifestyle are really nice people, they're normal, they have amazing careers and jobs, and they're interesting, and we just do this as I don't know, something we look up to, it's an extension of us, but we're not out there, you know, like, horny and desperate, just like, willing to fuck anything, you get those people, but those aren't real lifestyle people, those are people that are confused about what's happening here, and [00:48:00] they're trying for the easy sex, but it's really easy to spot them usually, you know, so, it's a complicated question, you can't be 100 percent safe all the time, but you can try to be as safe as you can be, if that's a good answer, I don't know.

Casey Donatello: Oh, it's 

De'Vannon Seráphino: pristine, darling, pristine. What I'm hearing, like, in your relationship with your husband is that y'all have 100 percent transparency and 100 percent honesty. There are no secrets. 

Casey Donatello: But we've been together four years. It was not like that the first year that we met. And people are always surprised because we were both in the lifestyle when we met, so they thought it would be like, oh, no brainer, they should be together.

Casey Donatello: It was fucking hard at first, because we had different experiences in the lifestyle. We were on different paths in the lifestyle and to then mend ours to meet in the middle was really fucking hard. We used to argue all the time about stuff and it took so much communication and honesty and having really awkward painful conversations about things that you don't want to have with your partner and it really did help [00:49:00] and now we're at the point where nothing is embarrassing and awkward to talk about you know so it really it comes down to communication and honesty and trust you have to have faith that You can tell your partner things and they're not going to judge you.

Casey Donatello: You can tell them things you don't want to do. They're not going to force you, you know, it really has to be an equal partnership. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: And if you don't have that, that comfort with that partner, then you need to either get it or leave them. 

Casey Donatello: Yeah. And there's so many couples in the lifestyle where you can obviously tell one person is forcing the other person to do that, like, you know, or they're leading it and you're just like, nope, we're not going to deal with you.

Casey Donatello: Like, this is awkward. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Nope. You know, heck, I don't, I don't know. I'm so like comfortable talking about everything. And I, I think being homeless broke me of this, of whatever pride and ego that I had before, because I'm super comfortable talking about every fucking thing about myself. So [00:50:00]once we're talking about relationships, let me just go on ahead and put this plug out here for myself.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know, you all know I'm single as of the beginning of this year. And you know, I've done enough healing. I've done the mind work, the meditation work. I've done the ayahuasca. I've done the psilocybin. I've done the meditation with the shamans and everything to exercise the demons. And so yeah, if anyone's listening and you have a clear spirit and you know who you are and a clear conscious, do hit me up.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yes. And, and, and so the nudism without sexual intent. I just want to say, I think that that's very, very. It hits at the heart of, like, FetLife, you know, the the whole fetish and kink world, which is not the same as random just sex. It's all about discipline, respect, boundaries, self control, actually. As much as you're willing to do, it's as much about not [00:51:00] doing, as doing, and knowing why you're doing what you're doing.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And the nudism without sexual intent, I think, is the perfect example of that. You know, it's all there in front of you, and you could, but everybody's making a conscious choice to focus on something else right now. Something, a different sort of thing that's constructive, and I think it's just beautiful discipline.

Casey Donatello: Yeah, there's so many people that are comfortable being naked having sex, but they are not comfortable being naked doing other things. Like, when we go camping, we play tennis, we go bike riding, we go hiking. You know, you're doing all of these things, you're jumping around, you're like, Moving your body in weird ways where now, like, your stomach looks fat, your boobs are sagging, you know, and it doesn't matter, it's fine.

Casey Donatello: Like, there's no big deal, and it's very freeing once you can not worry about how you look. Because you have to remember, everybody else at that nude place is experiencing the same thing as you. You know what I mean? And that's when it becomes powerful. You look at someone that may be a few sizes bigger than you, and you're like, Wow, they're [00:52:00] walking around with their head held high.

Casey Donatello: Like, I can too. Or, you know, and I'm not saying, like, a certain body type or sh or size or anything is better than the other, but every time you feel like there's something wrong with you, there's somebody else who feels that way too. And they're dealing with it. They're working through it. And you use that as motivation.

Casey Donatello: You don't have to be a perfect size. You don't have to be a supermodel. You don't have to be young. You know, you get people of all ages, all body types, and you are all treated equally. And that's the really nice part about it. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Absa fucking lutely. So I have one more question, then we'll talk about the three books, then we'll do the three dad jokes.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So, thank you for going a little bit over time with me. Oh, sorry. Once I 

Casey Donatello: start talking, I get very chatty, 

De'Vannon Seráphino: so. No, no, I'm saying thank you for going over time, because I know, I know discipline and timeframes and everything are very important, you know, in the lifetimes of my lifestyle. So you mentioned having a high feeling [00:53:00] back in the, in the early days after you had sex, you really experienced a high feeling, and so you had to get control of yourself so you didn't let it turn into a sex addiction.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Can you talk to me about having sex from a wholesome place, how you feel when it's over, versus when it wasn't, when you were getting the high feeling? I want to, I want to hear more about this high feeling that you got from sex, because that tricks a lot of people into thinking that what they're doing It's helping them when really it isn't.

Casey Donatello: Well, it's interesting because after spending so many years single and having, like, these unattached experiences, when I started dating my husband, I had a very hard time having, like, normal, intimate sex with him. It freaked me out, and he was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm used to getting, like, fucked and just, like, hardcore se like, we had to learn to train my body to, like, Receive pleasure in like a romantic way again.

Casey Donatello: It was very bizarre and very [00:54:00] weird and now obviously we have no problem with intimacy But that's what I mean about finding balance. You can Do some damage by only focusing on one thing and not being, like, well rounded in your sex life. If you're only having unattached sex, you're only having rough sex, you know even if, like, you're always using a toy, like a vibrator or something, at some point, like, your body is gonna be like, I need that.

Casey Donatello: I can't function without it. I don't know how to get pleasure in any other way. So you wanna make sure that you are kinda mixing it up sometimes and making sure that you're not losing Any facet of sex because you're so into one. What was your original question though? Sorry 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I mean, I think that pretty much covered it.

De'Vannon Seráphino: We were talking about like, like the high feeling that you get, but like, you know, what you were saying basically is, is the truth. It's the whole truth. It's the gospel truth. [00:55:00]Actually, is that everything we do in this life conditions us in the hypnotherapy world. We call that, like, neurological pathways that are being formed.

De'Vannon Seráphino: We're training ourselves how to be. And so people who are just solely random and, and, and just basic with the way they go about it. Fuck themselves up, I've experienced this. A relationship that I've had in the past where the dude could only fuck, you know, only have sex in a hard way and I had to do the same thing trying to slow them down like this is called love making something that happens when you're in a relationship.

De'Vannon Seráphino: This ain't grinder no more and it's like, it's like they can't, it's like they thought they were just going out having fun and they didn't realize that they were training themselves to just be 

Casey Donatello: careful. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: And then they could not transition well into being in a relationship and some don't, unfortunately, and and they just stay in that hoe mode.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yeah, 

Casey Donatello: but now, like, I can get [00:56:00] that high, you know, going to a gangbang with 10 guys or from making love to my husband when I want, like, I've learned how to get that back and they could be equally as powerful at this point and that's really important. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: And y'all, y'all have variety, and y'all have a well rounded lives, like you said, the people who you meet up with, they have careers, you know, they're taking vacations, they are creative in their arts, you know, they're going forth in their giftings, they know who they are, and they're also super sexual.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Too many times I see people who are, don't really have a lot going on in life, but my God, can they go out and get laid. It's like, we need, we need a little bit more from you than just sex, like we gotta have variety and any addiction can cause, can cause a person to fall out of balance, be it drugs, porn, social media, work, whatever, can cause you to focus way too much on those, on those few things and not have enough variety in life.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know, we need variety people, there's a whole lot of things you can do in this world. 

Casey Donatello: Yeah, so for me, I would say being [00:57:00] In a relationship with the right partner though, not the wrong partner, the right partner has been really good for me to maintain balance because when I was single I didn't when I was single the lifestyle wasn't really dating vanilla anymore.

Casey Donatello: So my whole social life was dedicated to the lifestyle. So I was out 5, 6, 7 nights a week sometimes, like, in the lifestyle. Now, obviously, me and my husband have a very busy life. We have, like, other things going on, so it cuts back a little. We're still active, but I can't go overboard because he keeps You know, we keep each other in check and that's good for somebody like me.

Casey Donatello: If I was still single, I don't know what I'd be doing right now. But I like having that separation between real life and the lifestyle because it used to be very, very blurry to me. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yeah, I'd be open to that. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, maybe a girlfriend or boyfriend, and then we open and explore if he wants to be monogamous, whatever.

De'Vannon Seráphino: But I do understand that having that primary relationship. [00:58:00] is super important or somebody who, you know, you know, I go to. So again, throwing it out there for all of you who are listening. Yes. Yes. And so let's talk about your three books. The first one, let me just say the name of all three in bed with strangers, swinging my way to self discovery by Casey Donatello.

De'Vannon Seráphino: The second one, Scarlet swings higher. The sexual saga continues. Also by Casey Donatello. Scarlet surrenders. Swinging into Love, also by Casey Donatello. This is like a part one, part two, part three. I'm happy I was able to get such a chuckle out of you. 

Casey Donatello: That was very dramatic. I loved it. That was a better intro than I could do.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So I love it as part two. Thank you, my darling. So it's part one, part two, part three. So it's like a continual series. Is there anything that you would like to to say about any of these? So 

Casey Donatello: it is chronological. The first book gives a little bit about me [00:59:00] before the lifestyle, how I got into the lifestyle, and then me trying to find my footing, like, while I'm single.

Casey Donatello: Second book is, I've kind of got a hand on things now, and I discovered that I love multiple guys, gangbangs, all of that stuff. I'm still struggling with having a relationship. And then part three, I meet my husband and we end up getting married. So those are the three books. So they're the last one ended.

Casey Donatello: I guess like two years ago. Yeah, we've been married for two years. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: So I felt like that that would

De'Vannon Seráphino: Demonstrate a lot of people's paths going from you know Recklessly sexual or trying to figure it out to finding peace and balance because that's really what we all want You know, it's nothing wrong with stumbling Crawling before you learn how to walk. And so I love the fact that you've been so transparent to show your mistakes and errors and now you're, yeah, 

Casey Donatello: but that's the most important thing because everybody wants to like talk about sex, like how fun it is and how [01:00:00] great it's, and no one wants to talk about like what can go wrong and how it could have like a negative impact.

Casey Donatello: They just want talk about the fun stuff and that's so unrealistic. And. You know, if people can learn from my mistakes, or learn from, you know, things that I've said or I've done, then that's wonderful, because it will help you a little bit. But if you're not gonna talk about things honestly, and be real, like in my books, sometimes the guy's the asshole, sometimes I'm the asshole, and I admit that, like, I fucked up a lot of stuff, you know, I am not perfect, and that's okay, but we wanna be honest about that, we wanna, you know, Be transparent and not sugarcoat stuff and act like we're amazing all the time and we know all the answers Because that really doesn't serve any purpose, you know

De'Vannon Seráphino: No, it doesn't and I also would add that there's also diseases and stuff out there that can come about depending on what you're doing there's cures and fixes for most things but there are still some things that people tend to get a hold [01:01:00] of and it was like That didn't get a hold of that might not be so easy to banish There's one dude that I, that I had met off of an app ages ago.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Somehow, I don't know what the fuck was going on with him. Some, some shit bat tractor got into his fucking kidney or some shit like that. You know, and he, he had to like go away to like a hospital or some sort of some kind of, he had to like leave the city. Like, and then with HIV, especially in the queer world, there's a lot of HIV.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Don't forget. You can still contract other strands of that, and there is a specific special term for it. It can crossbreed your HIV and it can fuck you up so that your antivirals don't work anymore. These things might be rare, allegedly, but the point is, if it happens, people are not going to go into the sex apps and say that.

De'Vannon Seráphino: They're just going to disappear, act like nothing happened. Like you said, nobody talks about the bad side of things, but bad shit is still happening out here in this world where people like to go Have all the sex with each 

Casey Donatello: [01:02:00] other. I know, we are super, super strict about condom use. Even if people show us test results, I don't care.

Casey Donatello: Like, you know, not worth it to me. Because again, like, anything can happen. A condom can break or whatever, you know. But that's very, a small percentage compared to just not even trying. And there's a ton of people in the lifestyle that only have bareback sex. And that's fine for them. But we don't engage with those people.

Casey Donatello: I don't believe in that for myself, you know, I'm not saying it's right or wrong You can do whatever you want. But for us we feel like we're gonna at least try to be as safe as possible I'm on the pill so, you know There's that but we definitely Use condoms all the time and I hate when people try to pressure us to not use them They come like with their results.

Casey Donatello: I go that's fantastic. Like I don't care about your results. I'm glad you're clean, but That doesn't mean you don't have to use a condom now, you know, but I do think people in the lifestyle talk about, testing more than [01:03:00] vanilla people do. I've never had a vanilla guy show me his test results, but in the lifestyle, we post it on our profiles, like, we talk about it we discuss if we're gonna use condoms with people beforehand, whereas on a vanilla date, I don't remember ever having conversations about safe sex, like, You expect people to use condoms, but you didn't really talk about it before you got in the bedroom, at least in my experience.

Casey Donatello: So, safe sex is also a little more easy to discuss with people in the lifestyle. I would say it's at the forefront because since we are so sexually active, we think about it more, and we try to be as safe as possible. But I tell people, You can get an STD the first time you have sex in the vanilla world, right?

Casey Donatello: You fuck one person that has something, that's it. So, it's not like you can only get an STD if you're in the lifestyle and you're promiscuous. It can happen anytime, anyplace, anywhere. And again, what are you doing to keep yourself safe? But there's no guarantees [01:04:00] in life. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Right, and even with test results, those test results are only good.

De'Vannon Seráphino: From the date that the blood was drawn. So if they, 

Casey Donatello: people will bring us a test result from two weeks ago, I go, how many people did you fuck in the past two weeks? So it's not like, it's a nice thought. And at least we, we get tested regularly too, but that's meaningless to me. Like, and even if you got tested that morning, I feel like a condom is a sign of some, it's like symbolic, like.

Casey Donatello: You need to earn the right to fuck me without a condom. You know, I don't think that's like a casual hookup thing. And again, this is my personal view. Other people will disagree completely and that's fine. But for me, you need to earn that. So like, my husband and I always talk about the fact that we would love to find a guy that we're friends with.

Casey Donatello: That could fuck me raw so they could, like, both cum in me and all this stuff. But it's been four years and we haven't found the right person yet, because we take it so seriously. You know, like, that's a big honor, I think. Especially when it's somebody's wife now, that you're getting to fuck without a [01:05:00] condom.

Casey Donatello: Like, I really take that mentally seriously. So maybe one day we'll find somebody, but until then, it's condoms for all. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Your bodies are very special and it, it saddens me the way people just kind of like fling them about without any kind of conscious thought. I also wanted to say before we get before we get over to our dad joke section, that, even with test results, there's like delays in terms of like the amount of time it takes for viruses to show up on test results.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Somebody could contract say HIV or hepatitis. In January, it may take till June or November for that shit to show up, even though that virus is already in their system. And so, so there's, there's a, it's a lagging indicator. So test results don't tell you necessarily what's living inside of somebody's body.

De'Vannon Seráphino: It doesn't matter how pretty the body is, or how, how attracted you are to it, what's living inside [01:06:00] that body could kill you. I also wanted to mention that this girl offers ghostwriting services too. Which all of that is on her website, CaseyDonatello. com. Like I said, she does it all. She can help you write your book.

De'Vannon Seráphino: If you want to express yourself sexually in some sort of way, she can do that. Too, she is here to service you, my dears. She is here to service you. That 

Casey Donatello: sounds very submissive.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Well, let's see, how would you flip it around and make it not sound submissive?

Casey Donatello: Help you fulfill your fantasies. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: She's here to guide you. There 

Casey Donatello: you go. That's better. She's 

De'Vannon Seráphino: here to guide you. So do you usually like to be on top when you're having sex with guys? Is that how you maintain your power? How do you maintain the power?

De'Vannon Seráphino: Is it because you're telling them what to do or how is that? 

Casey Donatello: It depends. I like, I like everything. I think that, like, [01:07:00] Some for me Submissive is more of like an attitude than Anything else so like people always laugh at me because I could be in a leash and collar you could be holding The leash, but I don't feel submissive like because i'm i'm still acting very powerful and dominant with a collar on like I kind of i'm somewhere in the middle, but a lot of things I do people look at me and they're like Oh, she must be submissive, but I don't think i'm submissive at all I'm, very dominant and I have no problem being in charge When I'm in, like, handcuffs and a blindfold, I'm still gonna tell you what to do, you know?

Casey Donatello: I just think, you know, toys and bondage and all these props and stuff are fun, but I wouldn't say, like, I'm really into dom sub stuff. With my husband, sure, but with other people, I don't even look at people in those categories. I think I like aggressive guys because I'm aggressive. I want people that are fun and [01:08:00] energetic and not shy.

Casey Donatello: So, I don't really feel like there's this, like I don't know, this difference. I think we're all on the same playing field, and whatever happens, happens. I just like sex to be fun and like, in your face, and I like to experiment and explore. Whatever. Bye. Yeah, I would never call myself submissive. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I know, that's right.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Look, I'm here for the power, woman. Be powerful. I think y'all should run everything. Just run shit. The world would be a better place. Okay, so today's dad jokes come from goodhousekeeping. com. I always like to do some dad jokes to kind of lighten the mood at the end. This has been kind of like a bubbly conversation overall.

Casey Donatello: Is it like a riddle and I have to guess the answer or you're just telling me the answer? 

De'Vannon Seráphino: So a dad joke I'm going to ask that the versions that I pose are the actual question kind of, and you know, and they're just like corny ass fucking jokes. That are not meant [01:09:00] to be like, 

Casey Donatello: I love corny jokes, so, and I love puns, right?

De'Vannon Seráphino: Right. So let's see. Why did the bicycle fall over?

Casey Donatello: It didn't have a leg to stand on. I don't know. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: That could work. You're so like, I know you can get at least one of these, but it's because it was too tired. 

Casey Donatello: Oh, that's a good one. Too tired. Okay. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: These work better sometimes if you've had a little bit of weed or an edible or 

Casey Donatello: cocktail. No, I love, I love bad jokes.

Casey Donatello: So this is perfect. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Okay. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

Casey Donatello: Because she lost her shoe every time she kicked her foot. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: She kept running away from the ball. 

Casey Donatello: Oh, I get points for like creative answers though, don't I? 

De'Vannon Seráphino: That's the fucking 

Casey Donatello: [01:10:00] loot, Leigh. I have a good sport, you know, good sportsmanship here. Okay, 

De'Vannon Seráphino: next one. You're gonna get this one, this is the last one. What do lawyers wear to court?

Casey Donatello: Briefs? 

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know what, if, 

Casey Donatello: if, that's a great answer, come on, that 

De'Vannon Seráphino: is a great answer, especially considering the world that you're in. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm going to consider this as like one that you got that you got to love that because it's, it's perfectly interchangeable. The answer that I looked up was lawsuits.

Casey Donatello: Oh, okay, but they could have briefs underneath their lawsuits, so. That's fucking 

De'Vannon Seráphino: lootly. They were briefs under 

Casey Donatello: the lawsuits. I definitely get a point for that one. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Absolutely. And I love, I love my fucking attorneys. I keep them around. So, her website is CaseyDonatello. com. Her OnlyFans is HotWifeLife869.[01:11:00]

De'Vannon Seráphino: She's also on Twitter, HotWifeLife869. All of this will go in the showy notes. Casey, is there anything that you would like to say? You get to have the last word being the powerful, dominant woman that you are. I think you need to, I need you to close out the show. 

Casey Donatello: Okay, that is a lot of pressure. I wasn't expecting that.

Casey Donatello: Any words, 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I mean, you can say anything you want, or nothing at all, you don't have to. I would 

Casey Donatello: just say Be bold enough to explore what you want to explore and smart enough to do it in a safe, a safe way. That's all I got. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know what? And that's the fucking tea. Thank you so much for coming on the show, girl.

De'Vannon Seráphino: We will see you next time. 

Casey Donatello: Thank you so much. Bye.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Thank you all so much for joining us today and for taking some time to invest into yourself and into the lives of your loved [01:12:00] ones. Please visit us at sexdrugsandjesus. com and check out our resource page, our spiritual service offerings, my blog, my books, and other writings that God has partnered with me to create.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Find us on any social media platform, stay strong my people, and just remember that everything is going to be alright. [01:13:00]