Episode #144: Helping LGBTQIA+ Women Get Over Their Exes, Heartbreak As A Form Of Self-Abandonment And Healing Generational Trauma, With Sara Webb, Resilience Coach + Author

INTRODUCTION:

Sara Webb is a Resilience Coach, empowering women revive their innate power with meditation, breathwork, and body awareness. 

Having been engaged three times, divorced twice, and coming out of the closet at 40, she understands the pain that’s possible through big life changes. She believes that a “life of thrive” is possible for everyone regardless of circumstances. 

Sara teaches pocket-sized techniques her clients can use anywhere to process stress and improve daily happiness, so they can bring the best versions of themselves to their own lives.

INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):

·      Female Empowerment

·      Religious Abuse & Trauma

·      Heartbreak As Self-Abandonment 

·      How Breakups Are Life Death

·      The Need For Queer Therapists 

·      Healing Generational Trauma

·      How The Body Processes Stress

·      The Subtilties Of Epiphanies 

·      Goodbye Alcohol 

·      Manifest Enlightenment

CONNECT WITH SARA WEBB:

 Website: https://www.sarawebbsays.com

Look Lush Book: https://shorturl.at/bpGH9

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HealingLesbianHeartbreak

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SaraWebbSays

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/SaraWebbSays/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarawebbsays/

CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON SERÁPHINO:

 Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com

Website: https://www.DownUnderApparel.com   

Donate Via PayPal: https://shorturl.at/gq068

CashApp: $DeVannonSeraphino

Venmo: @DeVannon 

Patreon: https://patreon.com/SDJPodcast

TikTok: https://shorturl.at/nqyJ4

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM

Facebook: https://shorturl.at/gqrAV

Instagram: https://shorturl.at/gwAP1

Twitter: https://shorturl.at/oyLZ4

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon

Pinterest: https://shorturl.at/bqB26

Email: DeVannon@SDJPodcast.com

Transcript

Episode #145: Helping LGBTQIA+ Women Get Over Their Exes, Heartbreak As A Form Of Self-Abandonment And Healing Generational Trauma, With Sara Webb, Resilience Coach + Author

Sara Webb

De'Vannon Seráphino: [00:00:00] Sarah Webb is a woman after my own soul. She is an out and proud lesbian after being engaged three times, divorced twice and coming out at the age of 40. Now Sarah is a resilience coach who focuses on helping queer women to get over their ex and get back to themselves. 

Sara Webb: As a lesbian, heartbreak started early with just abandoning myself and not being true to my authenticity. Cause I was afraid I was raised in the Baptist church. I was there every single Sunday, twice, twice on Sundays. I was in school there.

Sara Webb: I was in the youth group. And it just. I was afraid to be me. And so I didn't come out for decades. 

Sara Webb: And, and see, that's the beginning of healing is just being with that little child that we have inside and saying, it's [00:01:00] okay. And I hear you and working out like we, we continue these patterns in our adult romantic relationships, attachment styled, all these things, and we don't understand it. The people who are doing breakup in the heterosexual space are just not speaking my language. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Everyone I present to you, Sarah Webb.

De'Vannon Seráphino: hello, all of you delicious truffles out there and welcome back to the sex, drugs, and Jesus podcast. My name is Savannah Serafino. I have with me today are the lovely and talented, delightful and luscious lip rocking the Sarah Webb. How are you doing today?

Sara Webb: I am fabulous. Thank you so much for having me. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Absolutely. I, just, I mean, it's taken us, it seems like a fortnight, look year or two to try that. It feels like you get this. I had things going on. You had things going on, but we both agree [00:02:00] everything happens when it goes to. And so we are here for such a time as this.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You're in Florida. 

Sara Webb: I am. I'm in Saint Petersburg, Tampa Bay. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Okay. Yeah. So send us some warm weather. I have learned a lot. My body has adjusted to this cold so much. So if it's like 35 degrees outside, it feels warm to me now. 

Sara Webb: Oh my gosh. Wow. Yeah. It's been a hard winter and even here I've been like, why is it 40 degrees multiple days in a row?

Sara Webb: Usually we have like 70 degree days then. So yeah, we've gotten it too. This winter has been like for Floridian, 

De'Vannon Seráphino: pretty harsh. And I see your pink flamingo back there. Before we got on, we were talking about how we're both from Louisiana, Sarah's from Slidell, which is basically New Orleans, from Baton Rouge.

De'Vannon Seráphino: In Baton Rouge, we have Spanish Town, which is what's happening. It's a part of Baton Rouge, but it's also a big Mardi Gras thing. So like, we have the Spanish Town balls, Spanish Town parade, [00:03:00] and the pink flamingo is the mascot. So in the Spanish Town district, which is near downtown Baton Rouge, you'll see people with all these pink flamingos in their yard.

De'Vannon Seráphino: On the day of the parade, everyone has on like pink, this pink, that flamingo hats, flamingo shirts, pink, everything's like that. So is that pink flamingo kind of like reminiscent of Baton Rouge or is flamingo a Florida thing too? 

Sara Webb: Yeah, it's Florida. Yeah. That little guy. I don't know. I think I bought him or her them for my daughter at the airport one day and then she decided she wanted something else.

Sara Webb: So he got a spot in my office. He's he's duct taped to the, to the shelf so that he doesn't fall off, you know? Yeah. He's just representing over there. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: He sure is. That's Mingo's gangsta son. Okay, so I'm going to read the portion of your background and then we will go from there. So Sarah Webb is a resilience coach, or she likes [00:04:00] to call herself a spiritual activist, empowering female professionals to get over their ex and get back to themselves so they can focus on their lives and livelihoods.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Sarah specializes in healing heartbreak from big breakups and divorce by teaching clients to heal from within by reviving their innate power. Sarah says we have strategically cultivated an inclusive culture to serve all women, especially marginalized members of the LGBTQIA plus community worldwide. Sarah's been engaged three times, divorced twice, and coming out of the closet at 40.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So now she understands the pain that's possible through big life changes. Sarah believes that a life to thrive, wait, a life of thrive, is possible for everyone, regardless of circumstances. Goddamn, let me see. Where shall I start with this? So let's talk about these. Was there anything that you want to say about your [00:05:00] own history before I begin to Getting to dissect this.

Sara Webb: Hmm. Well, I mean, I think you kind of touched on some important things there. As a lesbian, heartbreak started early with just abandoning myself and not being true to my authenticity. Cause I was afraid I was raised in the Baptist church. I was there every single Sunday, twice, twice on Sundays. I was in school there.

Sara Webb: I was in the youth group. And it just. I was afraid to be me. And so I didn't come out for decades. I stayed in the closet and resisted my urges for a long time and tried to fit into the mold that I knew my parents wanted me to fit into. What they expected and [00:06:00] what I knew because of what I was taught intrinsically, extrinsically, socially, that I wouldn't be accepted.

Sara Webb: And it's true today. Still, I'm not accepted. My parents break my heart every day, sending me hate mail, essentially trying to proselytize and change and assert their opinions on what I do and how I do it. And so, yeah, now being a resilience coach. In the queer space has really changed the way that our relationship sits.

Sara Webb: And I, I just, I can't apologize for myself anymore. I can't squelch myself into a corner anymore for someone else and for someone else's expectations and stepping into my truth and living my authenticity. And moving into this space of using meditation, cause I've been a [00:07:00] meditation coach for years and I use to heal from heartbreak, not just once, but twice.

Sara Webb: And I learned the first way, how to do it a little bit. And then the second time I really had the tools honed and sharpened and really learned how to do this and be able to apply it to a program to help others. I'm a teacher. I've always been a teacher. I have a master's degree in education and more certifications than you can shake a stick at.

Sara Webb: And I've put all these, all this study with experts and my nerdy, my nerddom into helping people heal from within because heartache is such a grief. It's sometimes we go through those four stages of denial. And anger and bargaining, [00:08:00] you know, Elizabeth Ross, I believe she outlined those stages of grief and, and sometimes heartbreak can be like, I don't want to say worse because somebody dying is horrible, of course, but it is likened to that because.

Sara Webb: We don't have that same contact that we desire, you know, in one case, somebody is actually like physically not there anymore, but there is this idea that there's like this death of the relationship and this death of the connection. You're, you're physically separated from them, maybe not totally physically separated, but in the way, you know, you're no longer intimate with them.

Sara Webb: Or there might be those confusing stages where you are intimate with them. And then it's like, Even worse on your head because there's one person who's trying to make it work and one person who's really still in the relationship. So yeah, heartbreak is such a, a [00:09:00] visceral trauma bound thing. It is a trauma.

Sara Webb: So it's a, it's an amazing space to be in. And when I graduate clients and when they leave a session with me, I feel expansive. They're like, this was so helpful. This program is changing the way I experience all of my life because the tools that we use can be applied in other areas of our life. Of course.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Well, I'm sorry about the Baptist upbringing. I was raised Pentecostal. And so somewhere, you know, in that same realm I get it, you know, being, invalid, you need to change, you know, 

Sara Webb: I am so sorry, honey, 

De'Vannon Seráphino: like, where's the church fan?

De'Vannon Seráphino: That's a tough [00:10:00] one. Right. And so I thought it was interesting that you were, you were speaking about heartbreak as a form of self abandonment. And I just, I don't need to add anything to it. I just wanted to reiterate it so that people can sit with that for a moment. Because y'all, Sarah said that she broke her own heart by not being true to herself, under the influence of the church and all the voices that weren't her own.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So basically, we can break our own hearts You know, by not telling ourselves the truth, we're not seeking our truth and living authentically. So, people could be literally breaking their own hearts every day, well into old age at any point. And this has nothing to do with having successful jobs, or having sex all the time, or dating all the time, or having a marriage.

De'Vannon Seráphino: This is about just you with yourself. If you're not living your true truth in every possible way, then you're breaking your own heart. And so, I'd never heard it said like that before, and so I wanted to To just [00:11:00] take a moment to to to point that out the death, the feeling of death in relationships with something like that, that, that I experienced through, you know, through breakups in, in, in the past, it, it just, I don't see any difference in between going to a funeral, you know, I've been to, to several funerals in my day and time.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know, the, the, you know, breakups to me fit, fit, have felt just like that. It's this cold, it's this space that's devoid of emotion. And, it's just like a numb, you know, it was like super numb and it was a lot of understanding and never going to talk to this person again and everything like that.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And I, I believe that I've processed through it the same way that I, that I have when somebody has physically died. I don't, I've never subscribed to this, you know, breaking up with someone and then being friends with them still, I guess, [00:12:00] I guess this would be different if somebody is still like friends with them, but that's not always possible.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And so, you know, it is like, it is like death. And I don't think it's something that anybody should try to go through alone.

De'Vannon Seráphino: The other thing I was going to comment on, you had said, 

Sara Webb: I do want to circle back to that Devan. And if you're, if you're open, yeah, of course the whole staying friends, it's actually statistically true that members of the LGBTQ population on average, are more likely to try to stay friends with exes because it's such a small community.

Sara Webb: And because of our social nature, we're going to run into one another and we're gonna cross paths. And same is true for LGBTQIA plus. Members of our community who have separations from their parents. They, they are so motivated to repair and to [00:13:00] be gentle and be kind, even when there's situations like mine and way worse, I'm sure where, you know, there's a, an over rejection and a lot of that has to do with the heartbreak too.

Sara Webb: This has to do with our physiological beings. As homo sapiens, this is our social animal that's speaking, you know, millennia ago, even hundreds of years ago, centuries ago, when we were in a tribe or in city walls, if you are ostracized, if you're kicked out, that's certain death, you have no access to food, no access to water, no way to trade.

Sara Webb: It's this. idea that I am no longer part of. I'm not allowed. And they would banish people outside the city walls or outside the tribe in rare circumstances. But this is activating some of those same survival mechanisms in our brain. And we go into severe fight or [00:14:00] flight. I mean, like, we feel like we're being dismembered.

Sara Webb: And they've actually mapped that in the brain neurologically, that some of the same activation systems are like. literal pain in the body and that this idea of this person no longer, it, it causes it, whether it's death, whether it's heartbreak, romantic, or otherwise it causes this motivation. We're very motivated.

Sara Webb: This is Dr. Andrew Huberman's, synthesis work. He does that podcast Kuberman lab. com. And he talked, he like combines meta studies and puts together like studies from various, not industries, but you know, from psychology and biology and different, lines of thinking, phases of literature, and just summarizes them to [00:15:00] talk about like how these things are actually similar and what happens in the brain.

Sara Webb: There's also this. almost addictive. It's activating some of the same chemicals in the brain as somebody who's going through withdrawals. It's like, we're addicted to having this person. And, and especially For lesbian relationships, or I should be more inclusive, queer women who love women relationships or people where there's more estrogen involved on average, we are so prone to nesting and to being each other's support system in every way.

Sara Webb: We are constantly in touch when I looked for resources on how to heal breakups. The people who are doing breakup in the heterosexual space are just not speaking my language. That's not how it is. You can't I remember, like, Jordana Michelle saying that this one lady went on 200 dates. She just got on Tinder and all these different apps.

Sara Webb: She went on [00:16:00] like 200 dates. You can't There's I don't know 200 lesbians. I don't There's no way I, and they're all coupled up, but there's no way for me to do that. It doesn't, it doesn't apply. It's just different. And I've sat on that therapy couch where they say they're an ally. They say they're fine with it, but then when you really get down to the talk, I'm shifting in their seats.

Sara Webb: They're just like, trying to act like they're not bothered by it or like, you know, so I think it's really important for us. women to feel safe so that we can actually dig in and heal and figure out what's the pattern? What is it that I, because I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. I can't control other people.

Sara Webb: You know, I am the common denominator. So yeah, if I want to be friends with [00:17:00]people, then great. I need to work on my own stuff. And that's where the healing comes in. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Here's the healing man. When, when you, when you, got divorced, I remember your last breakup. Do you remember about how long it took you to feel like, okay, I'm whole again.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I'm ready again. I'm good again.

Sara Webb: Yeah, it comes and goes. I felt like I was ready after about six months. And so I, then I went on this like speed dating thing and I left early. I was like, I, I am not ready. Even though that was very non committal, I wasn't swiping. I wasn't like making any dating profiles. It just, it was a clear signal that I still had work to do.

Sara Webb: And. You know, I, I have been more [00:18:00] open to like calling in the one I bought the book and, and things seem to be shifting in that arena, but I'm not, I'm just in flow and I'm not trying to force it or change it. So I'm listening and. Going within and very open to what the universe might bring to me. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: How long ago has it been since your last breakup?

De'Vannon Seráphino: And are you with someone now?

Sara Webb: Well, that's, that's probably kind of, it's a, it's a situation ship for sure. And you know, we, we shall see, but yeah, it's, it's such a process healing, , you know, we, we all have trauma, big T trauma, little T trauma, whatever you want to call it. We all have these core wounds, original wounds from childhood, from adolescence, [00:19:00] where we had the ability to have experiences, but we didn't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex here to be able to decipher.

Sara Webb: What something actually means and to understand. that our parents actually do care about us, but that it's this situational thing and we're feeling unworthy or not like a priority or like we're being sidelined. This, this feeling of unworthiness is rather pervasive within our species of, of just not feeling empowered.

Sara Webb: or feeling like we have to become a parent at a young age because our one of our parents are not, you know, there's all these different iterations of the same kind of thing where we feel misunderstood. We feel like. We're not being cared for in the way that we need to be. And, and parenting has changed so much.

Sara Webb: The parenting books I read, the Instagram accounts I follow, I get down to my daughter's face and say, your feelings are important to me. Tell me more. [00:20:00] I never had that happen. My parents didn't do that. And. This is healing generational trauma. It starts with us and we can only do that for our children.

Sara Webb: Once we've actually listened to our own inner child and said, what do you need? How can I serve you? I want to listen. Your feelings are important. And how do you want to feel? Let's work on that. So it's that whole mindset of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset that Carol Dweck talks about in her book.

Sara Webb: And, and see, that's the beginning of healing is just being with that little child that we have inside and saying, it's okay. And I hear you and working out like we, we continue these patterns in our adult romantic relationships, attachment styled, all these things, and we don't understand it. And so once we start to work with it and break it down, then it starts opening in this beautiful way and we're able to [00:21:00] be like, Oh, I know what that is.

Sara Webb: Once we have a lot of body awareness, this is what I work on in my coaching programs, whether it's meditation or high functioning anxiety or trauma healing. It's all about getting in touch with the body. Making sure that we're modulating our breath in order to be able to actually think and then watching our thoughts on a daily basis, a moment to moment basis to see what the itty bitty shitty committee is saying inside of our head.

Sara Webb: Cause it says really fucking disempowering things. Sorry about the F bomb, but it, it, I figure sex, drugs, and Jesus, I'm safe.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yeah, you can. So yeah, this is, this is, this is the. Freest place on earth, the sex drive, you do what the fuck you feel. Can you, you mentioned like stress and like the body a couple of times. Can you give me your take on how the body processes [00:22:00] stress? 

Sara Webb: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we have these bodies that are.

Sara Webb: centuries old, that we used to not have all this technology and fast paced society, we would perhaps have a stressful situation where there was an invading tribes person, or we were being chased by some sort of a predator. And so when we go into these fight or flight states, our heart rate increases, our hands sweat.

Sara Webb: We feel like we can't breathe. We feel like we can't swallow. We feel like we want to run. We feel like we can't move all kinds of, you know, whether it's fight, fight, freeze, or that fawn, that's the people pleasing because we're going into that fawning stage trying to keep ourselves safe. But it's our ancient physiology that just kicks in and we're in this automatic protective state [00:23:00] where it feels like we're being chased by a bear.

Sara Webb: Or a leopard. It feels like there's an invasion. We can have an email come through. And go into full sensation like we need to run, but we don't actually need to run. However, our heart rate has increased. We've begun breathing from the top of the chest. Instead of activating the diaphragm and fully inflating our lungs.

Sara Webb: When we activate the lungs and fully breathe in, then we can oxygenate the heart, which can carry vital oxygen all over our body so that we can actually bring the prefrontal cortex online. This is the brain CEO, so that we can Think about how we want to respond with a logical brain. Like when emotions are high, logic is low.

Sara Webb: I heard an expert say that somewhere else. So it's not my quote, but it is so true. When stress is high, logic is low. We are not able to think clearly. And so the breath is such an important [00:24:00] aspect of that. It's one of the only things that we can control out of our autonomic nervous system. We have the autonomic nervous system that breathes and digests.

Sara Webb: We have the, And sure, you can, you can modulate your digestion. You can put yourself in a sauna to make yourself hot or make yourself sweat. By and large, we don't have to think about blinking or like how to use our tongue to talk. These are all aspects of the autonomic nervous system that run behind the scenes without us having to think about it.

Sara Webb: And Our tongue specifically, as well as our breath are the two things that we can actually control we can choose to. I love it when it throws a party. I, so yes, the, the breath is one of those things that we can control and it's a good barometer for us to be able to pay attention, so that we can recognize Oh gosh, they're calling it.

Sara Webb: Tech apnea [00:25:00] or email apnea, where we're sitting there checking our emails or working and we're holding our breath because we're like bracing ourselves for that next moment. It can even happen when we're scrolling, like doom scrolling, right? Reading about all the horrible things that are happening in the world.

Sara Webb: This makes us. Not be able to think clearly because we're not breathing properly. To me, the way to modulate stress, control stress, is to be in touch with and aware of and control our breath.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Well, I'll just go ahead and do me a little exhale on that one. It gives a whole new meaning to it. It gives a whole new meeting to, to the name of my, that movie I love so much. Waiting in to exhale. Good God almighty. Mm-Hmm, . And y'all, I just wanna remind you from the massage therapist point of view, I agree with everything Sarah said, but remember when that stress, because I'm a licensed massage therapist too, when that like you, I hold about a million different licenses.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And so [00:26:00] just remember that stress can get bottled up in you like that. And you're training your brain for that stress with the doom scrolling and the, the emails, you know, you're teaching yourself how to be. So not only can you break your own heart by not being true to yourself, but you can also teach yourself to co exist with stress that should not be in your life in the first place, and then that can turn into tumors.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Cancers, all kinds of things in a weakened immune system because that stress has got to go somewhere. But then you can go and see people like Sarah to help guide you through that forest. What we are saying is that our parents, generally speaking, are so fucked up that they don't know how to help us. And we're not judging them for that.

De'Vannon Seráphino: We're just acknowledging what is and saying we got to go somewhere else for that help. Okay? We're, you know, growing up, my parents are not on board with the gayness and all that. I wanted to take dance classes. They're like, you know, it was like a, it [00:27:00] wasn't well received. My dad actually told me I am not allowed to be angry at adults or anything like that.

De'Vannon Seráphino: You know, he made it his life's mission to the, to stamp the emotion out of me. So there was no looking at me and going, your emotions are important. I, I, I tell that to my cats because I want, because I want to do better. You know what my parents did, you know, emotions 

Sara Webb: healing. That's beautiful. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: As so what, what do you do with the way that you deal with people?

De'Vannon Seráphino: Is it, that makes them feel so safe? So we're specifically focusing on queer women. Are you seeing straight women too? Is it all over zoom? Is it in person?

Sara Webb: Yeah, I mean, if somebody came to me and they really needed help and they were just a woman and they were feeling like they had some sort of a more attached relationship like lesbians can, I'd be happy to work with them or if they just wanted to work with me [00:28:00] personally.

Sara Webb: Right now I just, I feel like There's just nobody in this space that's because I looked, I looked for somebody and this is why I became a resilience coach in this space because I had done a lot of the work and I understand the value of coaching. I've had many coaches and therapists, of course, and, and I think that there's a lot of value in therapy, the clients who come through my door, who are the most successful.

Sara Webb: And to answer your question directly, yes, we meet via zoom and we also use other applications that have audio visual back and forth. modes where we can send actual videos very quickly, like Marco Polo, some people really like others or just using text messaging. So we're in touch throughout the week.

Sara Webb: So that while, cause I give them custom meditations. I record them on my phone and then email them like a five or 10 or 15 minute personalized with their name in it, with some of the language that we've talked about [00:29:00] so that they can practice that during the week. And it's designed to slowly lift up the layers.

Sara Webb: And then as they come to realizations, they can pop on an app and say, Hey, I just had this realization. Let's work through this. So that way they've got, it's not just like. Going to a therapy couch once a week and waiting all week to tell your therapist what you processed. We're actually working in, in somewhat real time.

Sara Webb: I'm feeding them journal entries or giving them additional breath works or tweaking their understanding of the methodologies that I've offered. Because everything is custom tooled according to what they need, their health risks, the areas of the body that are actually being called into question. Cause that's what we do.

Sara Webb: We're really like rooting into, and I'm, I'm releasing a book called Queer Hearts Break Harder. And in that book, I outlined some of these methods. I break down myths and I offer. New ways of [00:30:00] thinking about heartbreak and some actual methods that people can use to get through it.

Sara Webb: So custom meditations that I've intuited, I should say for that specific purpose and other tools of embodiment and things like that, just watching the mind. Some of the things that we've talked about here, you know, This is how we heal. We listen to this body that we have. We are, we are human beings, but really we're, we're spirit having a physical experience is, is what I believe.

Sara Webb: And that may resonate with people. It may not, but I believe that the body is the key. If we, we're always distracted in this 3d world, deny, distract, associate, you know, look at this, buy this. Go with this person, but I'm at that intersection of science and spirituality. I believe that the quantum field exists within us and that that's where you find all knowledge, all [00:31:00] creativity.

Sara Webb: It's that state of consciousness and that's, you, you reach that through meditation by going within, turning off all the sensory holes that we have and listening. And we do that first just by acknowledging the feelings that we're having. It's like, I, I'm all about positivity, but that's because I've done the work.

Sara Webb: That's because I've felt the feelings and I've, I've cried the tears and I've processed. So to really, for example, I had a call earlier today with someone who I just said, you know, you're doing all the right things. She just started therapy. I'm like, once you've really been able to voice what you're going through, call me.

Sara Webb: And then we'll work on it because I think there needs to be some groundwork laid of just being to a place of. awareness. And then we add in these really powerful meditative techniques to go even deeper. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: I love how well curated and personalized and white [00:32:00] glove your approach is. I have looked into or researched or found out about certain people in like the spiritual healing space that do like pre recorded messages and they send them those same messages to the same people and I always thought that that was bullshit.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And so I'm happy to see that you're taking the time to actually Record and speak something directly to that person rather than trying to capitalize on financial gains by having a preset of pre recorded things that you send to the same people. So I think that that's a nice touch and I've not seen that before.

De'Vannon Seráphino: The only way to 

Sara Webb: do it. I mean, every heartbreak is different. Every person is different and, and eventually I'm not going to have the ability to meet clients one on one. I'll have to offer like group sessions as well, and just have a few one on one coaching slots. But for right now, this has been really freeing and.

Sara Webb: People are [00:33:00] sending other people to me. They are recommending their friends. Cause they're like, Hey, this is a ubiquitous problem, no matter your gender or sexual preference, it's going to happen in some way. And I know that part of my own healing work is to eventually move into that heartbreak healing from parental rejection.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So congratulations on the new book coming out. I love the title. Do let me know, because we'll have to have you back on to talk about that. I'll 

Sara Webb: send you a copy. You 

De'Vannon Seráphino: bet. Thank you, Baby Cakes. Now, let's see. I wanted to Y'all sort of mentioned, like, having, like, realizations. And then her clients will inform her when they've had, like, a breakthrough, an epiphany, a realization.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I'm not trying to insult anybody's intelligence, but I want to be sure that you understand What we're talking about, because sometimes those epiphanies, those lightbulb moments, those aha moments can [00:34:00] slip right through our minds and we don't really understand that it's happened or latch onto it. On to it, and then, or we might understand that it's happening and then labor under the delusion that we can handle it by our self.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So having a realization, like say for me, I had, I wrote like I had to stop drinking all alcohol and everything, you know, very recently. Today is same. Today is Wednesday, February the seventh. So we're talking about within like the last month or so, and I had to do that. Congratulations, your new frown.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Woo. Freedom . And I had to do that in the right high five because moving here to New York like four months ago and all that it takes to become a New Yorker, which is, which is an intense process. And yes, still trying to work through all the emotions of, of everything and everyone who I left behind in Louisiana, and it was quite a lot of people who I detached from, [00:35:00] it was too much of a barrage of emotions going on, and the alcohol was depressing me, and I've heard that alcohol is a depressant, but this was the first time in my life that I could feel that way.

De'Vannon Seráphino: feel me going lower because of all of the burdens of everything that were on me and I was praying about it and everything and I started having very beautiful dreams, you know, sent to me from from heaven about it. And when God flipped the switch, I, I lost the taste for alcohol, you know, I just don't, I don't want it anymore.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And it's changed because I look at it now, like when I'm flying first class as I do, or if I'm out somewhere, I went from cringing and thinking, how can I not sit here and order alcohol? You know what, I'm going to be the most powerful person there, not comparing myself to people, but I wouldn't be in a position of power because I'm able to do what most people don't, which is to not.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Drink, and I feel like it's a strength and not a weakness this time around. However, [00:36:00] that thought came to me like, You know what? Maybe this alcohol is not good for me. It was such like a almost a fleeting kind of like in the back of my head realization. I didn't realize. That that was the linchpin to me being able to turn everything around up here and get grounded.

De'Vannon Seráphino: It was such a fleeting, barely there realization in the background. That's why I wanted to really, to, to, to take a moment to just like marinate with, with what you were saying about these realizations. Cause they may not be something that just walks up and hits you in the face. It might be that still small voice whispering to you, like, maybe it's time to let that go.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Maybe it's time to do this. Maybe it's time to do that. Yes. 

Sara Webb: Yes, absolutely. And, and that is what I wholeheartedly know, Devanen, is that human beings have, we say five senses, but really [00:37:00] we have six because we can talk to ourselves inside of our head. And sometimes we can argue with ourselves, not in a crazy way.

Sara Webb: I mean, sure, if you've done a lot of therapy work, you might have parts and be able to talk to the parts and all of those delicious things. But, but typically, you know, we, we hear this voice, we are the observer of this voice and sometimes we attach to it. It's that magic of meditation, that power of meditation, of going inside and really being able to listen to the whispers of our soul.

Sara Webb: That's where we really get those nuggets of truth. We have to slow down, quiet down to be able to really hear it. Yeah, I agree with you that intuition it's inside. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: And you, you, you were talking about how you're not, you don't drink alcohol anymore, either. Do you Four years. Four years. Why did you stop?

Sara Webb: Oh, I was using it to [00:38:00] medicate and to stay in the closet. I mean, I, I came out, it was, it was synonymous with me coming out. I feel so sorry for my baby daddy, my ex husband. I was in denial. I didn't Bamboozle him. I didn't trick him. I was tricking myself. I was abandoning myself. And when I got pregnant, I was sober for the first time in years.

Sara Webb: And did I started realizing it was like, it was like, I kind of, I knew how much I drank, but all of a sudden when I was like, Oh, I've got a baby inside of me, I would have this automatic thought at five o'clock. Like I'm going to have a, no, I'm not going to have, no, I don't want, no, of course I don't want to, you know, And it was like having that thought every single day.

Sara Webb: I'm an intelligent person. How did I not realize I'm having a drink every day? And it was like, okay, I need to really look at this. And I had [00:39:00] just hired a meditation coach to teach me a very specific meditation technique, transcendental meditation. You learn for several days. I've done like Four different levels up.

Sara Webb: So it's been, it's been a big investment in, in my spiritual healing. And I love having someone that's why I, I coach meditation and heartbreak healing in the way that I do, because I think that it's really valuable to have a sounding board, to have someone who really understands. What might happen when we start.

Sara Webb: Unpeeling these layers of ourselves and really looking within, cause I didn't have anybody except for that meditation coach to really unpack some of these things that occur as we go within. And yeah, so I think it's so important to be able to tap in and listen and be able to, you know, I call it this like folding within.

Sara Webb: So [00:40:00] that we can unfold into our most authentic self. And it's the daily folding within all the studies about meditation say that like it's regular meditation. You can't just like be stressed and try to sit down and meditate. That's, that's not going to work. Right. So that's why I teach heartbreak healing in the way that I do in these really incremental steps so that we don't abandon ourselves.

Sara Webb: So that we like learn to listen to those whispers, you know, everything that we've talked about today. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Mm hmm. And I, I concur. I also want to say like, with letting go of certain habits in people or whatever the fuck it is you're trying to get away from, it is again like death. So I had to process through and write down and talk to, to, to, to, to God and therapists about like, you know, letting go of the the social expectations that come along with certain drugs I used to [00:41:00] use.

De'Vannon Seráphino: They're drinking and I find that it is okay to mourn the loss of my perceived value of drinking or crystal meth or crack or cocaine. Those are the four things that I don't do anymore. And and I just, and I just, I gave myself space to not judge myself. I'm like, you know, at one point you had a social network.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Revolving around all four of these substances and it is okay to be sorry that that's gone. However, you understand why it has to go. And once you let that go, then you get to gain all of these, these new things over here and it, and it was a lot. It was, and I used a Zoloft for a second. To help deal with all of the emotions of letting all of that go, plus with my trying to integrate into New York, I'm not like, say, like a fan of depression medication, but I'm not against it either.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And for the first time in my life, I found one that didn't make me feel like a zombie, and I just, I went into it with the mindset of I'm going to use this Temporarily to be sure that I don't go out there and do anything to hurt myself while I'm [00:42:00] letting all of these things go since I since I'm up here and I did such a huge shift and I don't know a lot of people in New York and made sense and I was telling the doctors all of all of this.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So, because in the past, I've really, really, really, really been against like, say, anti like, like depression medicine, but I found that it can be useful with the right intention. For me, that was like a temporary thing, and I made sure the dose wasn't super high. So I'm not promoting it, but I'm also not standing against it.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And I heard about Transient Transitional Meditation. We have that up here in New York, obviously. We have everything in New York, and I'm looking for it. Yeah, 

Sara Webb: there's so many different kinds. I mean, we, we don't really have to subscribe to any particular kind, you know, we can try this and try that. I did send a message to you within our communication here that naltrexone is something that's something that I used when I was.

Sara Webb: Cause I, I struggled for years [00:43:00] after I, so the first time I was sober was when I was pregnant. And then I stayed in the marriage and knew, I knew then I was gay cause I cut, I had trouble being intimate with my now ex husband and realized that I kind of needed that wet blanket of alcohol, what I call it, to, to step into that.

Sara Webb: And so, yeah, me coming out and getting sober, it was all so intertwined in it and it took a little while because like you say, there is this social acceptance of it. Everybody says like, Oh, it's been a hard day. You gotta have a strong one or especially in the mommy community at stay at home. Mom's like playdates at 10 a.

Sara Webb: m. With. And that starts you out for the day and not that we're like getting, but it's, it's, it's pervasive and it's insidious. And it's socially accepted. Whereas like some of the other dry goods that you mentioned, [00:44:00] aren't so, and easier to put down for that reason. And so naltrexone, I, if any of you're, I mean, I'm not a doctor, obviously, please consult your physician.

Sara Webb: But it is something that I heard about and used myself. It doesn't make you throw up or anything when you, like there's, there's one where if you drink alcohol, you'll puke. But this one, Just takes away the desire somehow. I'm not sure how exactly it works physiologically, but I took it for like a month or so.

Sara Webb: And then I kind of forgot about it one day and I went back to my doctor and he's like, yeah, that's what happens. Like, you'll just kind of forget to take it. And then, you know, you don't need it anymore. So. Yeah. Anybody that's struggling with that, like there are fantastic resources, whether it's your partner who's struggling with it, there's Al Anon, you know, you can obviously go to AA, NACA, there's SA, all kinds of different support systems out there for people who are going through.

Sara Webb: I mean, this adds a whole nother [00:45:00] layer, a whole nother wrinkle to the heartbreak situation. And it's, it's not a space. Where I help or coach or can offer it like I have my own personal experience, but I am not specialized in coaching someone through that kind of transition, whether it's them or their partner abuse all these things like the the coaching I do is for people who are kind of like They're recognizing, listen, I've been in therapy.

Sara Webb: I'm recognizing some patterns and I really want, I'm ready to work through this and move into a more enlightened space in my life so that I am in control so that I'm not being controlled so that I'm not just in control. Operating off of this programming that was instilled and that was instilled very slowly methodically through our data, through our experiences, but being able to look at it holistically and step back from it and take ourselves out of the emotion.

Sara Webb: It's like some of the things you were talking about, like the, these entrenched ways that the [00:46:00] substances have their tendrils all over our lives, right? That we have to piece by piece. Just say, nope, this is not serving me and begin to peel away these spidery fingers that are just not there for our best good for our, you know, talk about the highest and best good.

Sara Webb: This is not serving my highest and best good. This is not allowing me to contribute to the unfolding. Of the human collective consciousness so that we can become more involved, more evolved and, and really usher in this new era of healing and wholeness and peace and understanding and oneness and equanimity and equality.

Sara Webb: So important, you know, for, especially for us, marginalized members of like, like women and, and members of the BIPOC community and members of the LGBTQIA plus community, like. This idea of accepting ourselves [00:47:00] first so that we can accept others. You know, I, my parents are, this is an ugly word, but they're bigots.

Sara Webb: I love them exactly as they are. And bigots don't accept themselves. They've got, I don't want to know what it's like inside their head. I don't want to know how they're beating themselves up. Cause if they're treating me that way, it must be really tough in there. So I have a ton of compassion for my parents, you know, and that's.

Sara Webb: That's by going within and doing the work. One of my very first teachers, also Transcendental Meditation. This is my dog eared copy with all kinds of notes sticking out. One of my very first teachers was Louise Hay. You can heal your life. I would put myself on retreat once I got every other weekend of my life, I would put myself on retreat and just do her book all weekend long weekend after weekend, just repeating it.

Sara Webb: And she, [00:48:00] she coached me her, her book. She says like, this is like coaching with me. This is what we would do in sessions. And, and there's revenge exercises and resentment exercises and really powerful things that help us that, that sometimes I pull from. That's why it's sitting here on my desk. I used one last week.

Sara Webb: Sometimes something comes up with a client and I'm like, Oh, that's a good one. Let me go find that book. But I don't always use it because some people have worked through that and they really want their ex to be happy, but they just know that they're fixated on it and that it's hard for them to get over it.

Sara Webb: So then we worked 

De'Vannon Seráphino: there. Yeah. Luisa, I had bought her book Mirror Work, you know, years ago, so Luisa is a big name in like psychic clairvoyant intuitive meditations circle. So which brings me to my last question I had for you before we get ready to go over to our dad jokes. You know, Sarah wrote a book called a Look Lush book, and her website is Sarah Webb says.com.

De'Vannon Seráphino: She's on YouTube [00:49:00] Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, all that. We'll go in the showy notes because it always does. This book is like a collection of poems thoughts sayings, you know, from the mind of Sarah Webb. One stood out to me. It was about manifesting, and it's called Magic. I will read it. Read it if you don't mind.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And and in this book, Sarah says manifesting is the most beautiful form of self delusion. It is consciously choosing to accept only the reality of our creation. Now this here, which you've stated goes against a lot of what is spoken in esoteric circles, which, which promotes, you know, a lot of strong manifesting.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I have a view that's kind of more in line with yours about manifesting. I would like you to. Explain this and then I'm going to chime in because most people are very pro manifesting and I'm kind of like, not really all there with it. So, can you explain to us what you mean here [00:50:00]

Sara Webb: that that grit without the grip.

Sara Webb: It's. There's a law of physics that for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. You can actually feel the magnetism. There's this in, in anxious detached relationships, there's this push pull dynamic. And the same thing happens when we move toward something, there's an element of our energy that's actually being on that thing.

Sara Webb: But if we receive and allow. We have this intention. We have the focus, but we don't have to be chasing it all the time. We just have a gentle knowing almost and, and choose to embody. But I really want to hear about your take on it 

De'Vannon Seráphino: though. I wish that manifesting. That I would [00:51:00] hear more people talking about manifesting things like ascension, spiritual growth, a close relationship with whatever it is they call to be divine, manifesting higher spiritually, intellectually, esoteric knowledge.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I wish that there was a greater drive within people to learn about things of the spirit world. Instead, so much manifesting has to do with Yes, a lot of spiritual coaches have created markets about teaching people to manifest what they want. Those things are like relationships, children's trips, travel, money.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I mean, even better health and things like that. But, and these are some of the most supposedly highly spiritual people, but I don't really even see a lot of them encouraging people to manifest spirituality. And it doesn't matter if a person manifests those physical things, if that inner child work isn't done, [00:52:00] if those demons aren't named.

De'Vannon Seráphino: tamed and banished, then you get the house and the man and the women or however many people you want to be in a relationship with and you will not be granted by the divine peace to enjoy it because you did not put the divine first. 

Sara Webb: Preach, preach, drop that mic. I love it. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yes. Yes. 

Sara Webb: I can't fucking wait to meet you.

Sara Webb: I'm gonna plan my trip to New York tomorrow. No, I'm serious. Like this is, this is my jam. You are speaking my language. Absolutely. And I'm also very aware that some members of our population, no matter where you are or who you are, aren't yet ready to step into that because they don't even know about it.

Sara Webb: They're just. Coming into this idea of spirituality or, or they're coming away from the church or some sort of kind of cultish like society [00:53:00] or, or aspect of society that may be religious or not. And, and they're really trying to figure out what's up from down and what they really feel. And, and there's so much information out there and.

Sara Webb: Spirituality, I believe is that, that oneness, that all accepting, you know, like I talked to somebody about a year ago saying they were like, Oh, well, I'm, I'm not in demand to meditation because my preacher says that's dangerous and you're opening yourself up. And that kind of fear that they don't want people to find themselves, like, why can't we say both and yes, and let's just open arms and accept.

Sara Webb: No matter what you believe, as long as you're being true to yourself and not hurting anyone else, go for it. Let's all band together and find our own sense of enlightenment. I love [00:54:00] this goal of manifesting enlightenment. I mean, once I found out what it was, I was like, I want that. I don't know how I'm going to get it, but I want that.

Sara Webb: I know it. And will I achieve it in this lifetime? I have no idea. But It's that grit without the grip. Let me just see if I can like do everything I can to be the best person I possibly can be and to do the most good. Cause I think I'm here to really shake things up and I'm ready for it. I'm ready to manifest this ripple of change all throughout humanity.

Sara Webb: By going within instead of looking for the answers outside. And, and I'm, I'm glad I'm not the only one doing it, but let's plan a retreat or a workshop. Like, let's do it because this is, this is my jam. Absolutely. Like, this is what people need to be talking about. This is the next wave. manifest enlightenment.[00:55:00]

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yeah, I would love to plan something like that with you. Let's, let's do it. Let's make it happen. This is an echo what you said, then I'll give you like the last word. You can say whatever you want. And so while I'm speaking today, I would like your, your, your last word to target specifically women who are not in willing to come to terms with the fact that they are queer.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Cause you mentioned having urges and things like that. Stifling urges is not really like, you know, it's really denial. Some circles call it a deliverance when you have an urge, but you're not acting on it. To me, a deliverance is when you don't want it anymore. That's when you're, but an urge is different.

De'Vannon Seráphino: So I really want you to speak to that on your last word, particularly to women. And so I was just going to echo, [00:56:00] you know, in the Hebrew Bible. You know, Jesus, you know, Jesus Christ tells us, everyone knows, you know, I believe in God, you know, the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost in the most non church way possible.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I don't go to church. I don't promote Christianity, but I believe in the Trinity as a Trinity has anything wrong to me. So I don't, I don't throw the baby out with the bath water. I've been through the religious trauma and, and being distanced from God and not talking to him because of what church people did.

De'Vannon Seráphino: And I came back to him when I got some head on straight. So I am for the Trinity, I am not for churches or organized religion. And, but so in the Hebrew Bible, you know, you know, Jesus is telling us that if we seek the kingdom, then anything in this, all the other things will be added to us, which gets, you know, To that point of manifesting enlightenment, manifesting spiritual growth, focus on the divine, and you're gonna get, you know, those relationships and the money and all of those things.

De'Vannon Seráphino: But the thing is, if you get those things without a [00:57:00] spiritual foundation, then you're never going to get the spiritual foundation because you're not going to fucking want it because you're going to have all these physical things already. And so, so that, that is why I'm a big pusher for people going after the spiritual stuff first.

De'Vannon Seráphino: It's, baby, you don't have to worry about it. All the other stuff is gonna happen. So, that's just kind of like my little echo on that. So, last word from Sarah Webb to the, the closeted lesbians out there who just need to break free.

Sara Webb: That's right. The kingdom of heaven is within, and it's not within the closet.

Sara Webb: I think it's really important for us to step into our authenticity as women step into our power. We in the United States specifically have really done some work around this. I believe there are other countries where things are not as. Easy. And there are other countries who are doing it better as well, but it's about that people pleasing.

Sara Webb: If, if we're modulating our [00:58:00] personality, it's not for ourselves, it's for somebody else or a fear of what somebody else is going to think or do or say that getting down to the root of who we are and being honest. So that we can feel comfortable in our skin so that we can be around people and feel like we're being authentic.

Sara Webb: It's such a buzzword these days. Everybody's throwing it around, but there's not very many other ways to say it. You've got to get down to your roots and that can be accomplished by going within and being really gentle and compassionate and honest. With ourselves, because that closet is a tough place to be.[00:59:00]

Sara Webb: And I believe that things come along at the right place and the right time when we're ready to move through it. So if you're hearing this podcast, maybe it's time to look at, and I know coaches who specifically work with lesbians, you just a quick Google search, you know, coming out of the closet. Coach, they help with the transition and how to handle the emotional upheaval that is bound to occur when we let loved ones know.

Sara Webb: And we have a lot of expectations. Sometimes we think that one parent is going to be more understanding than the other. And then it's the opposite. Sometimes it's the friend or business partner that surprises us the most. Maybe they have an association with somebody in their past that has nothing to do with you.

Sara Webb: Yeah. I love the four agreements. Like everything that everybody's doing really has nothing to do with you. And so working with a coach, reading vicariously or I'm sorry, reading endlessly, not vicariously. That's not [01:00:00] the right word, but. Reading voraciously. That's what it is. So reading voraciously, finding resources on the internet podcasts.

Sara Webb: This is my advice. Go within to find out where you should go next. Because sometimes when we tap in, we can find that next breadcrumb. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Mm hmm. One step at a time, people. So let's switch to our dad jokes and then we'll close out the show. Today's dad jokes are from southernliving. com. I do these to lighten the mood after we, as we talk about such heavy topics on the sex, drugs, and Jesus.

De'Vannon Seráphino: I love it. And no pressure. If you take a stab at it, great. No big deal. Okay. Jokes are technically not meant to be answered. So when people do get them, though, it's like, like a really big deal. But So, what do you call a cold puppy? Cold puppy. 

Sara Webb: Hmm, I don't know. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: A chilly dog.

Sara Webb: Oh, I should have gotten [01:01:00] that one. That was the low ball. Okay, hit me again. 

De'Vannon Seráphino: Yeah. I think up here in New York when it's like 20 degrees, I think, I think, I think, I think, is it so warm down there? So no frame of reference. Why, why shouldn't pigs drive?

De'Vannon Seráphino: I don't know. Why shouldn't pigs be allowed to drive? Because they'll hog the road.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Oh, so true. Last one. Why did the stadium, the, the the sports stadium get hot? After the game, I don't know, because all of the fans are left.

Sara Webb: Oh, I love jokes. I love laughing. One of my favorite things around here. I don't have one. It's in the living room. I have a button. It kind of looks like that easy button [01:02:00] from years ago. It's a yellow, it's called a 32nd dance party. So whenever I'm feeling a little icky, you just pop the 30. It's like a little button you press and it plays like 30 seconds of a techno tune.

Sara Webb: And you can just have a little dance party in the middle of your day, shake it off, you know, get the wiggles out and, and move on. Laughter is the best medicine. Absolutely. So thank you so much for 

De'Vannon Seráphino: that. It's an incredible vibration to be in laughter, gratitude, forgiveness. Compassion. So y'all, the website is sarahweb, that's two b's, sarahwebsays.

De'Vannon Seráphino: com, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, all that will go in the showy notes, as it always does. Look out for Sarah's new book I will announce it. And thank you so much for coming on the show and being such a dazzling, glistening, glittery, bubbly soul. 

Sara Webb: Thank you for the warm welcome. I had a fucking blast.

Sara Webb: Thank [01:03:00] you so much.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Thank you all so much for joining us today and for taking some time to invest into yourself and into the lives of your loved ones, please visit us at sex drugs and jesus. com and check out our resource page, our spiritual service offerings, my blog, my books, and other writings that God has partnered with me to create.

De'Vannon Seráphino: Find us on any social media platform, stay strong, my people, and just remember that everything is going to be all right. [01:04:00]