Hey what's up hello! This week, we discuss things that the world has deemed as traditionally sexy and romantic. From chocolate syrup to underwear, we give a definitive* aroace review of what's hot and what's not.
*This review is not definitive. It is, in fact, very subjective.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/an-aroace-review-of-sexy-and-romantic-things
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
Hey what's up hello! This week, we discuss things that the world has deemed as traditionally sexy and romantic. From chocolate syrup to underwear, we give a definitive* aroace review of what's hot and what's not.
*This review is not definitive. It is, in fact, very subjective.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/an-aroace-review-of-sexy-and-romantic-things
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, sexy things.
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Oh God, M’ike. There’s a Mike's can, sitting right there
SARAH: Mike's Hard Lemonade.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. I'm legal. It's fine.
SARAH: Kayla…
KAYLA: I'm an adult. I'm an adult.
SARAH: Is legally allowed to be a person.
KAYLA: I… yeah surprising as it may seem. It's the truth.
SARAH: Truly. Okay. Kayla. Yeah. How are you doing?
KAYLA: Well, we're on Wikipedia now so we're doing famous I guess
SARAH: We are, we are on Wikipedia. If you guys hit up the history of asexuality Wikipedia page or we are in hang and lose
KAYLA: We are right there in the 2017.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And now it has rekindled my desire to have our own Wikipedia page. So, I was looking at how to do that today. If anyone has any knowledge.
SARAH: Make us famous.
KAYLA: Make us famous.
SARAH: I hope everyone out there is doing well. I hope everyone's hanging in there. If you ever feel down just look at the Wikipedia page we're on Wikipedia.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And that’s pronounced now
KAYLA: And that'll make them feel better?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Especially if you pronounce it Wikipedia.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week Sarah wanted to discuss and have us as aro aspec people discuss things that the world thinks are sexy or romantic or at least that like you know the society or like I don't know Hollywood whoever the like big person is and see what we think about it. And
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: This is the official aspec ruling on whether traditionally sexy or romantic things are actually sexy or not.
KAYLA: I don't know if it's like official that seems rather…
SARAH: It’s official for me. It's…
KAYLA: Rather bold to speak for the entire community.
SARAH: It's like hot or not but with conflicts.
KAYLA: Yes, and we posed this question to our Discord to get some ideas and they already like had a whole discussion about a lot of them about like oh someone put something in and everyone talked about it. So, I know that you guys already had the discussion but now we are having it and you have to listen to it, so
SARAH: I didn't really read any of the discussion so…
KAYLA: I didn’t either
SARAH: Maybe I'll bring in a new perspective.
KAYLA: But either way thank you to the people of Discord for giving us your ideas.
SARAH: Indeed.
KAYLA: And for posting dog pictures, that has been happening a lot today.
SARAH: Love that for us.
KAYLA: Yes. We have a classic throwback disclaimer right at the top.
SARAH: We love to disclaim things here on Sounds Fake But Okay
KAYLA: I like to claim them and then disclaim them. We just want to say that we're not shaming people for things that they think are sexy or that they're into or generally shaming at all. I know for me when I was thinking about these things I was speaking from my own personal preference of like if I think this is a fun thing or not.
SARAH: I know I said that this was the official aspec ruling but this is extremely suggestive. Wait, whoa, subjective. My brain was on sexy mode.
KAYLA: As I said right after Sarah said that, this is not the official ruling at all. Actually.
SARAH: Okay. Let's just dive in.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: The first one I thought of was chocolate syrup, question mark question mark or something question mark?
KAYLA: I think just like food...
SARAH: Chocolate.
KAYLA: Chocolate. I also think like whipped cream goes in this category.
SARAH: Ugh. That was a sneak preview of my thoughts on this.
KAYLA: Well, do you want to give your thoughts first for this one? Me and Sarah wrote out our notes beforehand but blacked them out so we couldn't see. It looks like a real FBI redacted document over here in our Google Drive.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Sure. I think this is objectively unsexy because messy.
KAYLA: No, stop being objective. Stop that.
SARAH: Messy.
KAYLA: Yes, messy and sticky. I think that's what I wrote. Let's see. It seems highly uncomfortable and sticky is what I said. I mean, I feel like this is one of those things that like in a porn, I don't know, I don't watch porn to be honest with all of you about what I do in my free time. Or like in a movie that they make it look all like, ooh, I'm going to lick this off of you. But then they don't show what happens at… Classic movies, they don't show you like the awkward part after.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: They just like romanticize it. They don't show that you have to like, it stains your bed probably maybe. Or like you have to shower it off. Sticky.
SARAH: I once had a whipped cream put in my face.
KAYLA: That's no good.
SARAH: And there are two reasons I didn't like this. One reason was that I had never had whipped cream before and I decided I didn't like it.
KAYLA: Classic you.
SARAH: The other one was I didn't want it to be in my face. A third bonus reason was it was June but it was pretty cold out. And we were at a pool party and I was like, if I want to get this off of me, I have to go in the pool. But it’s cool
KAYLA: What if you like suddenly didn't know you were allergic to something and then all of a sudden during a sexy time, you're like hives…
SARAH: Oh, I was thinking pool party, sexy time is even worse.
KAYLA: You were thinking chocolate syrup at a pool party, that's sexy?
SARAH: No, I was just still thinking about my situation at a pool party.
KAYLA: Okay. Alright. Also, what if it like gets inside? That's not supposed to happen.
SARAH: If it's going to get inside it should be via your like esophagus?
KAYLA: Mouth. Mouth first then esophagus.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: You can't just go, you can't just cut a hole in your neck so that you can get it right…You can't do that.
SARAH: Next, we have flowers.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I want you to do yours first because I have some thoughts on that.
KAYLA: Okay, let me see what I wrote. I don't remember, I did it yesterday. Okay, so let me see what I wrote. I don't think flowers are like inherently romantic because like you can give flowers at a funeral and that's not a very romantic time.
SARAH: Unless you're trying to hit on the newly widowed person.
KAYLA: That's fair. But also like my parents usually gave me flowers at like dance recitals. I don't think that was romantic. I could ask my mom what her intentions were.
SARAH: Yeah, no I had… when I lived in Germany I had, you could get really cheap flowers at the grocery store by us. And so, one time one of my friends came and bought me, brought me a bouquet of flowers and my other friend a bouquet of flowers. And at the time she was dating someone and she told us that she did bring flowers to both of us. So, if that was meant to be romantic.
KAYLA: It wasn't.
SARAH: Then there's a discussion that needs to be had.
KAYLA: I don't know. I enjoy flowers very much. I like getting them. If Dean is listening. Not like you can go out and get them anyway right now. But, so like, I think this is my answer for a lot of these things is like if a romantic partner gives it to you, then it's romantic.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: But… you know?
SARAH: Yeah. So, my thoughts on this are… I also like flowers. Here's the problem with flowers. If it's like a bouquet of flowers, they will die.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And that's not very sexy.
KAYLA: No, that's sad.
SARAH: What's more sexy is gifting someone a live plant that they hopefully won't kill.
KAYLA: Oh, see, I highly, I very much so disagree.
SARAH: A nice succulent? Very sexy.
KAYLA: I can't keep it alive. And then it's... okay. Also, it's not se-… I feel like flowers are something that like, if anything, are romantic, not sexy, Sarah.
SARAH: I'm referring to everything as sexy or unsexy.
KAYLA: I wish you wouldn't. I really wish you would not.
SARAH: You know those posts where people are like, you know what's really sexy? Washing your hands.
KAYLA: What's the post you sent me about like having three Capri Suns was sexy?
SARAH: Yeah, three Capri Suns were really sexy and then they drank one and they were like, this is less sexy. Then they drank another one and they were like, oh no. And then they drank the last one and they were like, oh no, it's not sexy. It's very unsexy now.
KAYLA: I hate you so much.
SARAH: That's how I'm approaching this.
KAYLA: Well, I wish you wouldn't.
SARAH: Too bad. Okay, so flowers... sexy?
KAYLA: Well, no. I think... I don't know. I disagree. I don't want a live plant because I will kill it. And that's just frustrating. I don't want someone to give me a thing that's more work. Like, no.
SARAH: Well, either way you're going to end up with something that's dead, so you might as well at least have something you can try and keep alive.
KAYLA: Yeah, but that's a lot of... like when I... Or if it's…
SARAH: In the case of Todd, something you literally can't kill.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, but like, if I just get a bouquet, it's not work. I'm not trying to keep it alive or anything. Like, someone giving me a plant, I have to at least try, and it's just... a lot. And then I'm sad once it dies because I'm a failure. Like, that's not cute.
SARAH: Good alternative. Buy them a fake plant.
KAYLA: But like a nice looking one.
SARAH: I saw a post on the internet about how someone's... one of their parents died, and they told their spouse, like the parent told the other parent, like, there's this plant in the bathroom, you need to water it, like, or however, whatever.
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: And so, they diligently did this for years
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: And it wasn't until years later that they found out that it was a fake plant.
KAYLA: Oh, God. What a good prank.
SARAH: And it was just like, that is the best thing ever.
KAYLA: I hope it was on purpose that they lied, because that's a very good prank.
SARAH: It was. This person was fairly confident that it was on purpose.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: So, anyway. Next one is strawberries. What are your thoughts here? This falls under food, but like, it's a different type of food.
KAYLA: I just, I mean, I don't know that they're any more like romantic or sexy than any other food. Like…
SARAH: I said…
KAYLA: Okay, I don't know that they're canceled.
SARAH: I… yeah, Kayla's just reading what I wrote. I said, not sexy. I don't like them. The texture is bad. Strawberries are canceled.
KAYLA: I like strawberries, and I like chocolate covered strawberries even more, which is supposed to be like a romantic thing. You know what else is supposed to be romantic? It's like strawberries and champagne. They do that in Pretty Woman, the movie and the musical. Are they aphrodisiacs? Is that what it's supposed to be? Like an oyster?
SARAH: I have no idea, but the texture is just bad of strawberries. Strawberries flavored things are also bad sometimes
KAYLA: Also sometimes… sometimes the seed will get sucked in your tooth, and that's not cute.
SARAH: Yeah, that comes from the bad texture.
KAYLA: Well, I disagree, but I do think it's not very sexy if you're making out with someone and you're like, “What's that I feel?” A seed in your mouth. That's kind of gross.
SARAH: It's a strawberry seed.
KAYLA: It's pretty gross. And then a strawberry tree or bush or whatever grows in their mouth, and you're like, I can't make out with them anymore, there's a whole plant in their mouth. That's not very sexy.
SARAH: Okay, well, I just remembered that, nope. Damn it. I just mixed...
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Sorry. Sorry, wait. My brain just did something really stupid.
KAYLA: Shocking
SARAH: Um, give me a second, I got to check this. My brain was like, what's the word for strawberry in German?
KAYLA: Oh no
SARAH: I don't know. Um, it's Erdbeere, like earth berry.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: But, uh, my brain supplied me with Erdbeben, which is earthquake.
KAYLA: Oh, well those aren't the same at all.
SARAH: No, they're not. Um, so my brain was like, earthquake. Anyway, the next one is lace. What are your thoughts on lace?
KAYLA: I think my thoughts on lace, and I have similar thoughts about a topic I think that is coming up later, I think, or it's related, I don't know. My thoughts are that I think lace can look nice, and like, I get it, like, from an objective standpoint, if it's like, lace underwear, then it's like, ooh, you can see through it, sex bits, but also, I don't…
SARAH: Sex bits, I’m sorry
KAYLA: Okay, no, you heard me, let me keep going. It’s not inherently sexy because there is also the other kind of lace that’s like I’m an old southern lady which I’m not trying to kink shame but I don't personally find old southern ladies sexy.
SARAH: Okay. I feel like I have similar thoughts. It's too itchy.
KAYLA: I mean, it's… I don't know, it depends on the kind.
SARAH: I know, but lace for reasons of sexiness just seems cancelled. I think lace as a concept itself is not horrible. It's just I feel like it… you run the risk of it being itchy at all times, and that's a concern for me.
KAYLA: I think it depends on how, like, the shirt or clothes are made. Like, I've had, like, shirts that are loose that are lace, and those aren't itchy. It's only if it, like, is tight on your body. Like, I've had dance costumes that were tight on your body lace, and those weren't fun.
SARAH: Yeah, so I would agree. I think it depends.
KAYLA: Okay, good consensus.
SARAH: The next one is pasta. I was thinking of, like, that scene from that…
KAYLA: Lady and the Tramp?
SARAH: Lady and the Tramp. I was about to say 101 Dalmatians, and I was like, that's wrong.
KAYLA: That's a different dog one.
SARAH: I haven't seen either of those movies.
KAYLA: Oh, good.
SARAH: But I was just thinking of Lady and the Tramp, which is why I put that down. What are your thoughts?
KAYLA: You go first. I went first last time.
SARAH: I said that very sexy, I love carbohydrates.
KAYLA: See, I said not sexy or romantic because no one looks good eating pasta.
SARAH: That's fair.
KAYLA: It gets loud and it's slurpy, and I feel like it's one of those, like, Cosmopolitan tips of, like, never order pasta on a first date, because you'll look nasty.
SARAH: Which is why I think it's extra sexy because it's what you're told to not do on a date, very sexy
KAYLA: Okay, so like you're resisting. That's fun. I mean, that can be sexy if I'm confident in doing whatever I want, I guess.
SARAH: Also, carbohydrates are really tasty.
KAYLA: I mean, I do love a pasta.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I guess maybe if you love pasta and your partner is like, “Here, I brought you the most fancy pasta in the world.” That's pretty romantic, I guess.
SARAH: If you get a pasta that isn't like a long noodle, it isn't like a spaghetti or a linguine or something. It's like a rotini or a penne or a roti… Yeah, that's less... you look less dumb eating that.
KAYLA: I guess so. But then you take away the part of like, we're sharing this noodle like Lady and the Tramp. So, then it's like, why are we talking about it anyway?
SARAH: I still think the carbohydrates are sexy.
KAYLA: Okay, well.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Don't they like make you tired and bloated? That's not very cute.
SARAH: Very sexy.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Candles. I said sexy so long as they don't have a gross scent. But I have my Google Docs to autocorrect gross to gross with an S set in German. So, it autocorrected that. And I just thought it was funny and I would share that with you.
KAYLA: So, okay. Why do you... I guess maybe we should have at the top talked about what our definitions of sexy are.
SARAH: Like the fun thing is that I don't have a good definition of sexy.
KAYLA: So, what I'm really getting from this is you're saying whether you like things or not and if you like it then it is sexy.
SARAH: Not necessarily.
KAYLA: We’ll it seems like that’s the case with candles
SARAH: Candles can set the mood. But please don't burn yourself. Matches are also very sexy as long as you don't burn yourself.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: There's a nice mood setting with candles as long as you don't fucking burn yourself. And if they smell gross, that's not sexy.
KAYLA: That's fair. I think I said that they have a nice vibe but again it's not inherently. You can have a platonic candle but I think if you're already in a romance situation then it can do a nice mood.
SARAH: Yeah, I like a good candle in the most platonic of ways.
KAYLA: Yeah, we used to record with a nice platonic candle right between us.
SARAH: Yeah, I was burning a platonic candle earlier today.
KAYLA: Me and my dad had a platonic familial candle at our desk today.
SARAH: Love a familial candle.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Yeah, I think that it can be romantic or sexy if you present it in a certain way but I don't think they're inherently sexy. But I still think they're sexy even if they're not supposed to be sexy because candles are sexy.
KAYLA: Because you like them?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Okay, so now we're starting to understand what your definition of sexy is. It's not like it has to do with sex or sets the mood, it's just Sarah likes this.
SARAH: Yes, but also it's a double edged sword.
KAYLA: Lord.
SARAH: The next one we have is underwear slash lingerie but when Kayla first spelled lingerie she wrote linger and it was funny.
KAYLA: It's like the lady from The Bachelor that was like lingery.
SARAH: I'm going to say mine first. All I wrote was no I'm busy.
KAYLA: Okay. I have complicated...
SARAH: You have a lot of thoughts about this, accuracy
KAYLA: I have longer thoughts. I have four and a half lines of thoughts. My thoughts are... it depends. Because if it's just like regular underwear, and especially like men's underwear, maybe it's just because men are stinky and gross, sorry. But, like, no. I think if you're wearing just like you're nasty, I bleed in this every month because I certainly don't have a pair of underwear without blood stains in them. I don't know about you. Which shocked Dean. I told Dean that the other day and he was like, you're disgusting. And I was like, I'm a woman.
SARAH: It's literally what our bodies do.
KAYLA: Yeah. But I think as we talked about, or as I have recently discovered, I think I'm much more aesthetically attracted to women. And I've been seeing a lot of women in underwear on Twitter recently because as we discussed last week, there's a lot of horny people out there.
SARAH: Horny on mian
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: And I think women look nice in like nice underwear. And I think that's sexy because it's like I'm confident and look at my body.
SARAH: That's fair. Yeah, I think it really depends on what is the kind of underwear. I think also it's seen as a more feminine thing, like if you're talking like lingerie. And so, it's normally associated with women. So, when it's men, it's like either people are like, that's weird and feminine or it just doesn't exist. And it's like so I don't really have any thoughts on men and lingerie.
KAYLA: I've never seen a man, like I've never even seen a picture of a man in lingerie, I don't think.
SARAH: That's the world we live in.
KAYLA: Does that exist? I don't know. I think it depends. I also think I saw a bit of this discussion on Discord about people talking about underwear. I don't think like women don't need to wear it. Like I think there's a whole thing of like, oh, my husband wants me to wear lingerie, but I don't want to. Then that's not sexy because then you're like uncomfortable.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like you need to be comfortable. Because if you're like itchy…
SARAH: Like it’s only sexy if you want
KAYLA: Uncomfortable, then the vibe is gone. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. You know what really freaks me out?
KAYLA: Is it the underwear with the hole in it? Because that freaks me out.
SARAH: No, I wasn't thinking about that, but now you put that in my head.
KAYLA: But I was. I was thinking about that. I don't like it.
SARAH: You know how like those things that are like fucking called like silk teddies or whatever?
KAYLA: Oh, like a little nightgown?
SARAH: Actually, wait, no, I'm thinking of the wrong thing. I'm thinking of like, hold on, give me a minute.
KAYLA: I think a teddy is like a little tiny nightgown. Maybe?
SARAH: I'm thinking of a baby doll teddy.
KAYLA: What's? Oh, with like the poofy sleeves?
SARAH: No, just Google it.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: I don't like those because it makes it, it literally has baby doll in the word and it makes it seem like children. But it's supposed to be sexy.
KAYLA: So, you just don't like the name or what it looks like? Because it looks fine.
SARAH: Both. Because I think I just associate them with each other.
KAYLA: They look like a normal, like, I'm wearing a sexy shirt though. It's not like...
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: See here's what I don't like, and again not kink-shaming, this is my personal preference, is ones where like, there's like a hole where the butt is or where the vajeen is.
SARAH: Did you see that?
KAYLA: That makes me uncomfortable.
SARAH: That thing where the guy was like, I'm going to use this old pair of shorts to make a mask. And then he did, but then he put the shorts back on and there was just like a giant hole in the butt and it was really funny.
KAYLA: Oh my god, where his ass was I did see that. That was really funny. Like in the mirror you could see behind him.
SARAH: Yeah, you could just see his ass.
KAYLA: He had no bottom pants. Oh yeah that was funny. That's a good lingerie.
SARAH: It is great.
KAYLA: That's sexy.
SARAH: I just think the use of the word baby doll Teddy freaks me out because it makes me think of children.
KAYLA: Interesting. Well, no one get one for Sarah.
SARAH: Yeah, please don't, Jesus. So that's the tea. The next one is something we've kind of discussed before, Valentine's Day.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Personally, I just wrote stop that.
KAYLA: I have more nuanced feelings about it.
SARAH: There's a couple in a row where I don't have very nuanced things.
KAYLA: I think it is, I don't know, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it and like make it a whole production. I think you can if you would like to use it as a day to like celebrate your relationship. I think that's the one thing I appreciate about Valentine's Day is like here is a set day where you like have to like spend time with your significant other and like appreciate that you love them. But I also wrote that you should technically be doing that every day.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know. I don't have that many bad feelings about Valentine's Day. I think if you want to do it, you can. If you don't want to...
SARAH: I feel like I've made my thoughts on Valentine's Day clear on this pod.
KAYLA: I guess there's another thing is it like depends on you and it shouldn't be inherently romantic even though everyone thinks it is, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. The next one is Christmas, which I said is very sexy because I like Christmas.
KAYLA: Okay, see, so here's another thing where you didn't answer the prompt correctly. I'm going to take some points away. I said it was more platonic or family time, though I do know that my dad proposed to my mom on Christmas Eve or Christmas.
SARAH: My dad also proposed to my mom on Christmas Eve.
KAYLA: See, but here's what happened. My mom told him, if you propose to me on Christmas, that ring had better not be my only gift because that's lame. It's like having your birthday near Christmas and you don't give me gifts. Like that's lame. And she told him, don't do that. Get me presents too. Like that's stupid. And you know what he did? He didn't… He just gave her a ring and didn't give her any other presents.
SARAH: My dad had been telling my mom that the only thing he was going to get her that Christmas was plaid, feetie pajamas.
KAYLA: So, did he get her also plaid, feetie pajamas and a ring?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Oh, that's good. Were they like in the plaid, feetie pajamas?
SARAH: He set the bar low. I don't know if he for sure got them.
KAYLA: It would have been good if they were like in the toe of the feetie pajamas so she's like reluctantly putting on her shit feetie pajamas and she's like, what's that I feel? It's a ring.
SARAH: It's a ring.
KAYLA: That would have been good. Tell Jack that he should redo his proposal.
SARAH: Okay. I could give you his phone number. You could just text him.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: No, I agree. I definitely think it's a very family-oriented holiday. I know a lot of people do tend to get engaged around that time because it's about like engagement.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s true
SARAH: It's like you're joining the family. I don't know that it's inherently super romantic or sexy, but it's just sexy in the sense that it's Christmas.
KAYLA: I do think TV and commercials try to tell us it's romantic though because around Christmas there's always like the Every Kiss Begins With Kay commercials where it's like the lady looking out the window and then the man is like here's this box of shiny.
SARAH: And there's always like Christmas romance movies. Why aren't there Easter romance movies?
KAYLA: I mean I will say though Christmas romance movies are terrible which makes them amazing. The Hallmark movies are excellent to watch if you like making fun of bad TV.
SARAH: Why aren't there Ramadan romance movies? I don't know that that would be appropriate.
KAYLA: Ram-com-a-don.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I mean that was good.
SARAH: Wow. That was pretty good.
KAYLA: Is what that was. That was good.
SARAH: Yeah, I don't think Christmas is very romantic but it is sexy.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay. Cuddling. You go first.
KAYLA: What did I say? I said…
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: I don't think it has to be romantic because like you can cuddle.
SARAH: Make it so I can see it bitch.
KAYLA: I'm telling you though, because you can like cuddle with a friend or like moms cuddle with their kids and dads cuddle with their kids all the time. That's not romantic.
SARAH: Right when a baby is born you got to get that skin to skin.
KAYLA: Yeah, and that's… you're not trying to date your baby I don't think.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Hopefully at least.
SARAH: I should hope not.
KAYLA: I should hope not. But I think people perceive it as always romantic especially if it's with the opposite gender and it's extra not okay when it's with the same gender. Especially I think girls can cuddle platonically but when men do it it's gay. But I think that's another thing where it's like if you're doing it with someone you're romantically interested in then it's romantic.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But if you're not it's not.
SARAH: It like means something more.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I wrote that it is permitted to be sexy once a week.
KAYLA: Once a week?
SARAH: No more than that.
KAYLA: Um... okay. I don't like your answers very much. I feel like this is definitely not an objective ruling because you aren't even ruling on things.
SARAH: This is extremely objective.
KAYLA: Oh Lord help me.
SARAH: The next one is picnics. What do you think?
KAYLA: I said that like it's a nice date idea and it would be fun with a romantic partner but it would also be fun to picnic with a friend. So, I think that's another thing where it's like if it's romantic it's romantic, if it's not it's not, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. I just wrote, um, this is a really niche joke. I wrote, do you want ants?
KAYLA: You want ants? That's fair.
SARAH: This is how you get ants.
KAYLA: This is how you get ants. I do, now that I'm thinking about it though, like if I had a guy friend and a friend that was a girl who were just friends but they were like we're going on a picnic together, I would be like, mmm. Because it's like a large production.
SARAH: I think, here's the thing, I think when it's one on one it feels more romantic.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think of any gender, unless you're like best friends, and like everyone knows it's platonic, I think one on one, yeah, is different.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: I don't know, I think it's the gender thing too because I'm catching myself being like, well if girls picnic together it's fine, but if it's a guy and a girl it's not. And that's just society making my brain bad.
SARAH: It's the worst. The next one we have cooking.
KAYLA: Yes
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Now, my thoughts are, having someone cook for you, sexy. Having to cook for someone else, unsexy. Cooking quote unquote with someone but making them do all the work, sexy.
KAYLA: I said that I 10 out of 10 hate cooking, so if anyone cooks for me I love them so maybe it is romantic. And I agree, my dad just yelled, I don't know if you heard it.
SARAH: I didn't, but maybe the mic did.
KAYLA: Who's to say? So, I don't know, I think cooking is, but only if someone else is cooking for you. And it's not like your mom.
SARAH: If you're like slaving over a thing.
KAYLA: That's so unsexy, that's the least sexy.
SARAH: It's just not sexy.
KAYLA: Then you're all sweaty and tired and by the time you're done cooking you're not even hungry anymore because you're like, I'm sick of looking at this food.
SARAH: Or like you're so hungry that you just need to shove it into your mouth, one or the other.
KAYLA: Not good stuff.
SARAH: Yeah, so cooking is sexy if someone else does it for you, but not if you have to do it.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Some people who like cooking may think this is wrong, but you're wrong.
KAYLA: But you're wrong and we're being objective, so.
SARAH: Next one is dancing.
KAYLA: Um.
SARAH: I have some thoughts.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And my thoughts are as follows. Sure, I'll let the allos have this one. But don't be grinding in my face, that is not dancing.
KAYLA: That's fair. I think it depends on the kind of dance. I said I'm not good enough at dancing for it to be sexy if I do it. I think it depends on the kind of dance. Like waltzes, not sexy. Square dancing, I'm sorry, maybe you have a thing for it, but I do not.
SARAH: Very sexy.
KAYLA: I think ballroom dancing is sexy. Maybe it's just because they often.
SARAH: Because it's like meant to be.
KAYLA: Well yeah, because it's meant to be. Maybe it's just because they're wearing tiny clothes.
SARAH: Fringe.
KAYLA: But it's also like a lot of the moves they do are supposed to replicate sex. They're doing a body roll and making faces that are like sex.
SARAH: Yeah. Well and I think it also can just… Oh Jesus. I think it can also just be like a romantic thing where you're just like dancing. There's a reason that they do first dances at weddings and that sort of shit.
KAYLA: That’s true
SARAH: And I will let the allos have that. That's fine. But grinding isn't dancing.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Just the truth.
KAYLA: I do think like yeah slow dancing is romantic and also like I've definitely slow danced with people who like I was like no thank you. But then I was like uh this is awkward because I don't know what they want and I’m uncomfortable. So yeah.
SARAH: I was about to say I've never slow danced with someone I was into and I was like yeah I’m fucking aro-ace.
KAYLA: Oh my god you idiot. Of course you haven't.
SARAH: I was like have I really slow danced with anyone. Not really.
KAYLA: Miranda
SARAH: That's true. Me and Miranda have had some very romantic slow dancing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's true love. The next one is rain because there's the whole like kissing in the rain whatever. My thoughts are if you're near a space where you can dry off and change clothes. Sure. If not no because prune skin is not sexy.
KAYLA: Yeah, I wrote that I've never kissed in the rain so I'd have to get back to you. Now that I think about what you're saying I think it's another thing of like in the moment it's romantic but then immediately after everything is terrible.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: Because then your makeup is running.
SARAH: Your clothes are wet and cold.
KAYLA: You're wet, it's probably cold. Yeah, I think in the moment but then it's not worth it after.
SARAH: Prune skin is unsexy.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean again not kink-shaming but I'm not personally into prune skin.
SARAH: Looks like a prune. Singing. What are your thoughts on singing?
KAYLA: My thoughts are it depends on who is singing to you, if you have anywhere to look, and if they're good at singing because I think like if the person is bad and you're just like sitting like across from each other so you have to look them in the eye.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And they're not good that's very awkward. I have like Dean has sung to me before where he's like playing the piano I'm just sitting next to him so I can look at nothing and he's also good at singing so it's fine.
SARAH: That's news to me Dean why won't you sing to me?
KAYLA: Because you suck and you're not sexy.
SARAH: Oh okay.
KAYLA: So...
SARAH: Texts Dean. Dean do you think I'm sexy?
KAYLA: You please do. No don't sing you're so sexy. Uh huh. Yeah, I think it definitely depends because it can be very very very awkward.
SARAH: I actually have a very similar response. Mine is that personal serenades seem very embarrassing unless it is Patrick Brewer singing an acoustic cover of the best by Tina Turner to David Rose in which case it's still embarrassing but also sexy.
KAYLA: I don't think that was similar to mine at all.
SARAH: Well, okay if you were familiar with the scene in Schitt's Creek that I'm referring to.
KAYLA: Huh.
SARAH: Um I just think like it has the potential to be horrible but like if the person is talented.
KAYLA: Maybe that's why it's sexy of like it's the tension of like oh God is it going to be bad.
SARAH: Are you going to be horrible?
KAYLA: Just like heightened emotions and then if it's good you're like yeah.
SARAH: Also, eye contact seems horrible.
KAYLA: No, don't… see that's what I'm saying you have to like be sitting next to them or like a way you cannot be looking at they can't be looking at you. That's awful.
SARAH: Unsexy.
KAYLA: That's… eye contact unsexy. I know that many things say the contrary but I think never look someone in the eye ever.
SARAH: Yeah, I think it's probably going to in my opinion, regardless of whether it's sexy or not, it's going to be a little bit embarrassing, but you have to embrace it for the purpose of the sexiness.
KAYLA: But also, that can be sexy of like this person knows it's kind of awkward but they're like confident enough to get through it, unless they're like over confident.
SARAH: If you would watch Schitt's Creek, motherfucker.
KAYLA: I'm busy. Thank you.
SARAH: Anyway, the color red slash pink. Your answer is very short. What does it say?
KAYLA: It's just no.
SARAH: Okay. Um, I wrote just the word useless.
KAYLA: No. Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: So, glad we're on the same page.
KAYLA: I think like red lipstick can be sexy.
SARAH: I like a good red lip. Ruby Woo by fucking Mac is the best lipstick.
KAYLA: Sure, get, uh, offer code sounds.
SARAH: Hey Mac, give us fucking money.
KAYLA: Ugh, if only.
SARAH: I already have Ruby Woo so you don't need to give me Ruby Woo, but give me money.
KAYLA: What are your thoughts on sweat?
SARAH: Oh my god. I wrote a lot of question marks. And then I wrote, in the words of Jade West, sweating is gross and therefore I don't do it.
KAYLA: Except you do. You have recently started sweating. Even though you never used to before.
SARAH: It’s the worst
KAYLA: Sarah used to be a big bragger of the fact that like when she worked out she didn't sweat. But now she kind of does a little.
SARAH: Yeah, and it's literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I hate sweat. Um, it's, I hate it. Um, I think it's the worst. Uh, and I have a major anti-sweat bias.
KAYLA: She really does. I mean, I don't know. Well, I guess maybe some people do. My opinion is that I like get it of like, ooo, it's like if you have sex and you're sweaty.
SARAH: Keep listening
KAYLA: But it's sticky and gross.
SARAH: Yeah, I just hate sweat.
KAYLA: They're listening to Christmas music downstairs.
SARAH: Good for them.
KAYLA: Because it's snowing here and I said it looked like Christmas. My dad said we have to listen to Christmas music at dinner. They’re eating pizza without me and listening to Christmas music.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Yeah, I just, I don't like sweat. There's no way I could give an objective opinion on this because I hate sweat.
KAYLA: Okay. As opposed to all of the very objective answers you've been giving this whole episode.
SARAH: Oh yeah, the other ones have been extremely objective.
KAYLA: Okay, very good.
SARAH: Yes. The next one is poetry. I think it's not sexy unless it is a haiku about bees or it's the one poem about the icebox and the plums.
KAYLA: Um, I again wouldn't use the word sexy. I understand that you like that poem. But, no.
SARAH: I like the memes about that poem.
KAYLA: Those are good memes.
SARAH: So, plums are sexy, plums are not.
KAYLA: No, neither, neither. I think, I don't think poetry is romantic because a lot of poetry is not about romance. And also, even if someone I was dating, like say Dean was like really good at poetry and he wrote me a poem, I don't think I would like that. I think I would feel awkward.
SARAH: I think I'd be very uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Even if it was good.
SARAH: It's like being sung at, but there's no enjoyment of, like if you're being sung at and the person is really talented, you can enjoy the music. But I feel like if it's just poetry, you're just so focused on the words.
KAYLA: Yeah, and then if they give it to you on a piece of paper, you have that forever. At least if the song is bad, it's over after two minutes and you can forget about it. I guess you could burn the poetry, but like...
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Or if it's like, if a person is singing to you and there are other people there, it's like the other people can just enjoy the music, right? But if a person is reading poetry to you and there are other people there, they're all just hearing what that person is saying to you.
KAYLA: And that’s not good
SARAH: And that seems like an amount of emotional exposure that I would hate.
KAYLA: Yeah, you, um, yes, you would. And I also would hate it. Please don't read me poetry.
SARAH: Don't look at me.
KAYLA: Don't perceive me.
SARAH: Good. Um, I'll write you a poem and send it to you in the mail.
KAYLA: Actually, please do. I would love that.
SARAH: Okay, I will. I mean, I have written some Gek poems about you.
KAYLA: I wrote, yeah, Sarah, we wrote a Gek poem via text the other day. Well, me and Evan did.
SARAH: Yeah. If you don't know what a Gek poem is, you're missing out.
KAYLA: I would, I think platonic poetry is fine. I will take platonic poetry from Sarah, but no romantic poetry from anyone.
SARAH: I think it's, it's, I don't mind it if it's like a meme.
KAYLA: It has to be ironic. If someone, like even if Dean wrote me ironic poetry, that'd be funny. I don't want sincere poetry.
SARAH: No. Get your sincerity away from me.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't like that.
SARAH: Good. The next one is sleeping in the same bed slash next to someone. I said, get the fuck away from me, I need my space.
KAYLA: See, I said, no, sometimes I've slept in the same bed with Sarah and we're not in love. In fact, we hate each other.
SARAH: Good. Oh, an update from the allos. My sister is very annoyed with sharing a bed with Amanda because Amanda likes to sprawl out and then my sister keeps ending up in the crack of her bed.
KAYLA: Yeah, me and Dean sharing has been rough. We each have our own set of blankets now because…
SARAH: That’s good
KAYLA: I'm a blanket hog so we each have a fuzzy blanket in the comforter now that stays on our side of the bed.
SARAH: You got to do what you got to do.
KAYLA: You got to… I mean, desperate times, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, I still sleep on like, I had a twin bed for most of my life…
KAYLA: Tragic
SARAH: And it wasn't until I was a junior in college that I first had a full-size bed.
KAYLA: So sad.
SARAH: And now I do have a full-size bed here, but I still only sleep on the side of it.
KAYLA: See, I think that's the problem is I grew up with a full-size bed because we had bunk beds and for some reason the bottom bunk was a full and I was like too much of a baby to sleep on the top bunk because I would have died, I don't know. So, I grew up with a giant bed, so now I want to sprawl out and have the whole thing. So, I would actually say I have a definitive answer for this. It's very unromantic because there's nothing more annoying than like, I mean, unless it's the most giant bed in the world, like a California king, then I guess that's fine. But there's nothing more aggravating about your partner than when they steal a blanket or don't let you have whatever part of the bed you want. Because then you like hate them because you're tired and it's the middle of the night and you're like, fuck you, go away.
SARAH: According to the love of my life, Miranda St. Amor, I'm a blanket hog.
KAYLA: Um, probably.
SARAH: Have I been a blanket hog when we have shared a bed?
KAYLA: I can't remember. I feel like it's been a while since we shared a bed.
SARAH: Yeah, it's because we hate each other. We try to avoid it.
KAYLA: It's because we in fact hate each other. We're only in this podcast for the money.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. The next one is lollipop slash popsicles. I think tasty but not sexy. Too much sugar for regular consumption.
KAYLA: Oh, I think the amount of sugar is great. I love sugar. I get this one, it's like, ooh, phallic, I'm sucking a thing.
SARAH: That just makes me so uncomfortable.
KAYLA: But like sticky and drippy.
SARAH: Stickier. No, I fully agree. Because this is the aspec ruling, the discomfort with the phallic-ness is strong and unsexy.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Just so you know.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Beaches. I wrote pretty but not sexy. Sand? Listen to Anakin Skywalker.
KAYLA: God. I think having sex on the beach sounds like the worst thing you could ever do because it would get in all your crevices.
SARAH: Every crevasse.
KAYLA: Even if you just lay out in the sand.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. It’s everywhere
KAYLA: Not even just rolling around and being all naked in it. That's even bad. I think beaches are nice to walk on and sunsets are nice. I think watching a sunset could be romantic.
SARAH: A good sunset.
KAYLA: But it can also be platonic. It's another thing where it depends.
SARAH: Yeah, no. I agree. I recently saw someone who had to change their kid's diaper on the beach. And I was like, this is the worst, this just encapsulates why beaches are kind of the worst. Because sand, it's coarse and it gets everywhere.
KAYLA: If it's a crowded touristy LA beach, that's going to be… What's the beach where all the skateboarders go?
SARAH: Santa Monica?
KAYLA: Yeah. And also, just a bunch of people that do drugs. Tourist people that do drugs and skateboarders are the only people that go to that beach.
SARAH: Santa Monica.
KAYLA: That's probably not a romantic time. I guess unless you're like two rival, two skateboarders from rival skateboard gangs who fall in love.
SARAH: Sexy as hell.
KAYLA: That's pretty sexy.
SARAH: What if you went on the Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier? You know what is sexy? Churros. I love churros.
KAYLA: I don't think they are sexy.
SARAH: They're delicious.
KAYLA: Oh. Okay.
SARAH: Okay, but what about Ferris wheels?
KAYLA: I think Ferris wheels can be romantic if you're with a romantic person.
SARAH: I think it could be romantic, but under no circumstances should they ever be sexy.
KAYLA: Do not. Do not have sex on a Ferris wheel.
SARAH: So, many things would be horrible about that.
KAYLA: I have a friend from work who broke up with someone on the Ferris wheel. And I think there were like other people sharing the little carriage with them. I don't know why.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: I don't know why it happened.
SARAH: What horrible timing.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know why it had to be that way.
SARAH: Good. Okay, the next one is lending slash stealing clothing. I wrote, I don't know? Convince me, Kayla.
KAYLA: I think, okay, if it's with a romantic, well, okay. I personally think that if it's like you're stealing your romantic partner's sweatshirt, that's very romantic and sexy because I like doing that because I like very big sweatshirts. If you asked Dean, he would be very angry because I keep taking his sweatpants.
SARAH: That's why I just buy sweatshirts that are way too big.
KAYLA: I mean, I also do that. I have a lot of sweatshirts that I bought for myself that are too big, but I also just like sweatshirts, so I like to have a large collection.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Also, Dean has a Patagonia, and I want a Patagonia, but they're really expensive, and he got his for Christmas, so it's pretty sexy when I steal that because I want one. And I think that's sexy.
SARAH: I know some people are like, it's sexy when I see my significant other wearing my clothes, and I'm like, yeah, I don't get that. Like, I'm sure it is.
KAYLA: I think the only time it's sexy is like a woman wearing like only a big t-shirt or something. Then you could construe that as like, ooh.
SARAH: But is that sexy or just comfy?
KAYLA: Well, it depends on what they look like, I guess. And if you find that they look like sexy, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, if it's like a man and a woman and the woman is a lot smaller than the man, there's a lot of reasons why it could be a little difficult there. For the man to be wearing the woman's clothing, you know?
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: But if it were two men or two women...
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Then it's just clothes.
SARAH: I recognize that other people think it's sexy, but I just, I don't quite, I can't quite understand.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: According to Dean, this is the least romantic, is what Kayla wrote.
KAYLA: Yes, it's true.
SARAH: Next one is public proposals. Not sexy. You're putting pressure on them to say yes in a public forum.
KAYLA: Yeah, I wrote that I only think this is romantic if the other person is fully aware that it's going to happen, or that a proposal is going to happen soon. Like if they picked out the ring together, because some people talk very openly about we're getting engaged soon.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, I think if it's fully like we're definitely doing this, and if the person wants a public proposal, then it's romantic. But if they're an awkward or shy person and they don't want it, then that's not good.
SARAH: I don't mean to bring it back to fanfiction…
KAYLA: But I will
SARAH: But I did read a fanfic recently where they decided that they were going to have a proposal off.
KAYLA: Oh lord.
SARAH: And the person who could make the other person cry first would win.
KAYLA: See, that's very sexy.
SARAH: So, like they knew that it was going to happen, and so they were fully prepared and intending on making the other one cry.
KAYLA: I think the most sexy public proposal are when both people propose at the same time.
SARAH: That is my favorite thing ever.
KAYLA: Or when one person proposes and the other person is like, oh my God, I was just about to propose at this.
SARAH: And then the other person pulls out a fucking ring and they're like, fuck.
KAYLA: That's the most sexy.
SARAH: You beat me to it. That's very sexy.
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: There's one more left.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: It is kissing.
KAYLA: Listen. I've said this about the Ray and Ben solo kiss. It was platonic.
SARAH: I don't know what you're talking about.
KAYLA: Yeah, it didn't happen, but if it were to have happened, it would have been platonic. I also think people in other cultures that aren't America at least, kissing on the cheek is really common. People kiss their families. I don't think it's inherently... I think you can have a friend kiss
SARAH: Yeah, I wrote that I get it enough to understand the appeal of kissing. I don't understand why wearing your significant other's clothing is sexy. I understand kissing enough. I can get that, but objectively, it's really weird.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's the thing. Objectively, there's nothing about it that's objectively romantic or sexy.
SARAH: No, you're smashing your mouths together. Don't we think that people originally started doing that because mothers would chew their food for their children and then put it in their mouths?
KAYLA: Yeah, probably, because they didn't have blenders back in the day.
SARAH: Yeah, so I think kissing, sexy yes, but also weird. Sexy yes, weird yes.
KAYLA: It's like hand holding. In other cultures, it's really common for friends to just hold hands all the time. I can't remember if it's India or... I can't remember, but it's very common for men to hold pinkies who are friends. It doesn't have to be, you know? You can do a friend kiss.
SARAH: Yeah, sounds like something I wouldn't want to do, but...
KAYLA: Yeah, probably not.
SARAH: That's just me.
KAYLA: I can't believe you don't want a friend to kiss me, Sarah. That's so sad.
SARAH: I don't. I also think, though, I have a weird... This is really weirdly specific. Because the only circumstances I have ever kissed someone has been for a musical
KAYLA: True
SARAH: I feel like I don't have skill at it. And so, I... So, if I were in a situation where I had to kiss another person, I would just feel very nervous.
KAYLA: Well, see, that's a very good point. Because if I think back to my first kiss, that is not sexy nor romantic. Because we were both very bad at it. It's something that you practice to get good at.
SARAH: To get better at
KAYLA: And some people just suck at it.
SARAH: So, I would because I just don't have the practice. I haven't put in the 10,000 hours on kissing.
KAYLA: 10,000?
SARAH: That's like a thing, you know, it's like 10,000 hours and you're good at something.
KAYLA: Yeah, definitely if you're bad at it, it's not good.
SARAH: Yeah, so I'm just very self-conscious about the fact that I… not that I like ever kiss people, but if I had to, you know.
KAYLA: That's fair. Like if they were like, I'll kill you if you don't kiss me really good, you would probably die.
SARAH: Yeah, or like if for some reason I ever acted in my life again and I had to kiss someone, like I would fully warn them ahead of time how bad it was about to be because.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: Like I would just be like, I need you to understand what's going on here.
KAYLA: That's very kind of you, Sarah.
SARAH: Thank you. I didn't do that last time though because I was like, I'm not telling this person it's my first kiss, that's going to be weird.
KAYLA: Yeah, I remember you like deciding like I'm not going to tell anyone like I knew and some of our friends knew but you were like I'm not telling our director, I'm not telling the person I'm kissing, they do not need to know.
SARAH: Yeah, I was like it's that… it would make it more awkward.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If I were like, hey, I've never kind of kissed anyone before
KAYLA: Yeah, that's how we make it.
SARAH: You're about to be my first kiss. That's all the sexy things.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: In conclusion, if I like it, it's sexy. If I don't like it, it's not.
KAYLA: That's just not, I don't think what we were really going for.
SARAH: That's what I was going for.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week? What is the sexiest thing?
KAYLA: That's good.
SARAH: What is the least, or like what is the least sexy thing that is considered to be traditionally sexy? What should we put? Christmas.
KAYLA: Well, that's romantic though. You can't keep doing this.
SARAH: Ugh! As has been established. Aro, ace, it's all the same to me. No, I'm much better at telling romantic and sexy apart…
KAYLA: Can I say… can I just make the poll, can we make the poll sexy or romantic?
SARAH: Yes, we can.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: We can do them. Christmas. Sweat. Poetry.
KAYLA: Oh my god, you're going so fast.
SARAH: Uh, should we go lollipops or public proposals?
KAYLA: Lollipops.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Sweat is going to win, that's too easy.
SARAH: I don't know what people's thoughts are.
KAYLA: I feel like sweat is going to win.
SARAH: Alright. That's the fastest we've come up with a poll in a long time, you're welcome.
KAYLA: It's like we're back in the old days.
SARAH: I know. What is your beef in your juice this week?
KAYLA: Um, my beef is that it's been snowing here. It is April 17th today and it snowed so much. And that's stupid. Not that I'm really going outside anyway, but like, I could at least go like eat lunch on my porch, but not now.
SARAH: Yeah, wasn't it like 70 last week and then this past week it snowed like three times?
KAYLA: Yes, exactly. That is what happened.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Um, so that's my big beef. And my juice is that my mom has been sewing face masks. And she sewed me one and I embroidered it and I embroidered on it back the fuck up and I made it very pretty with nice flowers. And I just think it's very funny. I'm just very pleased with myself.
SARAH: It’s good. Catch that on her Instagram.
KAYLA: I think it's my most liked Instagram currently.
SARAH: Good.
KAYLA: Big stuff happening.
SARAH: Um, I have some quick-fire beef and juice.
KAYLA: Oh boy.
SARAH: I'm also, for the beef, I won't give any context.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay, quick-fire beef. My fucking fire alarm. Dreams. I can't stop watching pimple popping videos on Instagram. Someone help me decorate my walls. I don't exfoliate enough. I've been given more to do at work in the past few days and to no one's shock I'm having a real bit of trouble actually doing it. That was my quick-fire beef.
KAYLA: Okay, that was a lot that you've had pent up.
SARAH: My quick-fire juice, a little more context. The realization that Kayla is the Ryan Bergara to my Shane Madej.
KAYLA: That is a big juice that we have recently come to terms with.
SARAH: Yeah, wonderful. Next quick-fire juice is the Jonathan Larson project. I think I mentioned this before, but Feinstein 54 Below has been live streaming old shows that they've been doing. They recently re-live streamed the Jonathan Larson project one yesterday. Not yesterday, a couple days ago. It reminded me of just how good it is and how much of a talent that man was. And also, like fuck the reaction to HIV and AIDS in the 80s because it was shitty.
KAYLA: Now we're getting into beef territory.
SARAH: Sorry. Next quick-fire juice is the Evan Hansen Jackbox live stream, it was very funny. The next quick-fire juice is shuffling your entire nearly 3000 song music library and just seeing what you get. I used to do this a lot and then for a while I didn't but recently, I have been again and honestly, it's a great time because you'll get like Billy Joel and Hannah Montana and Wiz Khalifa all back-to-back.
KAYLA: Oh boy
SARAH: My last juice is Republicans tried to steal an election in Wisconsin for the state Supreme Court by forcing them to hold an election in the middle of a pandemic and it fucking failed and Jill Karrowski won by 10 points.
KAYLA: Tea.
SARAH: That's my beef and my juice.
KAYLA: That was beautiful.
SARAH: Thank you. You can tell us about your quick-fire beefs juices, sexy on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. We are @soundsfakepod everywhere including patreon.com/soundsfakepod. If you'd like to support us in this time, we will happily accept your money. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Fenny, Perry Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, BookMarvel, Changeling MX, Derek and Carissa, Simona Simon, Jamie Jack, Jessica Shea, Rhea Faustino, Daniel Walker. Did that person ever tell us how we were mispronouncing their name?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Or even what, who they were?
KAYLA: No, but I will say… oh, who was it? Carissa.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: We asked last week how she was doing. She said she's doing well. She's sewing a dragon backpack, which is very cute.
SARAH: Very good. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin @tessa_m_k, Arcness who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games from a distance, Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween from a distance, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote podcasts from a planet weird, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven, Cassandra who would like to promote their modeling Instagram @Liddowred, Doug Rice who has changed what he would like to promote, he's now promoting the book Native by Caitlin Curtis, which is about an indigenous… it's indigenous.
KAYLA: It's about indigenous women?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Indigenous people.
SARAH: Exciting. We support indigenous stories.
KAYLA: Yes.
[01:00:00]
SARAH: Maggie Capelbo who would like to promote her dog's Instagram @MinnieMuffin19. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, NathanielJwhittedesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs from 6 feet away, Sarah Jones who is @Eternallolli Everywhere, Dia Chappelle who would like to promote the podcast The Beacon, and Dragonfly who would like to promote napping.
KAYLA: Napping is very good.
SARAH: Yeah. Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]