*DISCLAIMER: If you are sex repulsed or are uncomfortable with discussions of genitals this may not be the episode for you.
Hey what's up hello! This week we discuss how being on the aromantic and asexual spectrums influences the relationships we have with our bodies.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/our-relationship-with-our-bodies
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
*DISCLAIMER: If you are sex repulsed or are uncomfortable with discussions of genitals this may not be the episode for you.
Hey what's up hello! This week we discuss how being on the aromantic and asexual spectrums influences the relationships we have with our bodies.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/our-relationship-with-our-bodies
Donate: patreon.com/soundsfakepod
Follow: @soundsfakepod
Join: https://discord.gg/W7VBHMt
Buy our book: www.soundsfakepod.com/book
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl that's me, Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, the human body.
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: M’two front teeth.
SARAH: M’arghzata Frazier.
KAYLA: What was yours?
SARAH: M’arghzata Frazier. She's a gymnast.
KAYLA: Okay, I don't know about all that.
SARAH: Also, I was double checking what her last name was. She's only 5'1". Which, I mean, not surprising. But like, you know?
KAYLA: That's her last name?
SARAH: Frazier?
KAYLA: Her last name is she's only 5'1"?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That's so crazy.
SARAH: Her last name is she's only 5'1".
KAYLA: Bro.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: What ethnicity is that?
SARAH: All of them.
KAYLA: Wow, that's crazy.
SARAH: It's pod o'clock. How are you doing?
KAYLA: Well, this is the first podcast we've actually recorded since the fundraiser. Last podcast was after the fundraiser, but we hadn't done it yet. In hindsight, we should have recorded a 5-minute something after the live stream and put it in or something.
SARAH: See, but that would have made too much sense.
KAYLA: Exactly. But yeah, it was really cool. And there were so many people and we raised over $4,000. And David Jay showed up.
SARAH: $4000, David Jay showed up. I sweated, sweat, sweat. I was very sweaty.
KAYLA: I had the biggest headache after and I was so sweaty just from the intensity at which I was staring at my screen. It was insane.
SARAH: And Kayla and I were very stressed because we didn't have anyone helping us out…
KAYLA: Yeah, which was a mistake
SARAH: Behind the scenes. And so, when David Jay messaged us and was like, hey, I can join, we were trying to deal with that and the fact that…
KAYLA: While talking to people.
SARAH: While talking to people.
KAYLA: Which was just rude, but also we had to…
SARAH: We had to…
KAYLA: I mean, I didn't think there was going to be any reason we would need someone behind the scenes.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: I didn't think David Jay was going to show up.
SARAH: I didn't either, but it was a lovely, lovely time. I had a great time. I hope all of you watch it or did watch it or plan to watch it again on our YouTube channel. You can check it out. By the time this comes out, the fundraiser is closed, so thank you all for your generous donations. It was very kind of you and I'm so glad that donating $4.20 with the comment, nice, worked.
KAYLA: It really did.
SARAH: It did. I mean, Alex Boniello says it works every time and it really did.
KAYLA: We proved it.
SARAH: Yeah. So, still not over it, but here we are.
KAYLA: And it was my birthday yesterday, so thanks.
SARAH: That's true. If you're listening to this the day it comes out.
KAYLA: If you're a patron and you're listening to this on Saturday, it's my birthday, you're welcome. I gave you this present of my voice.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay. What are we talking about today?
KAYLA: This week, we're talking about everyone's favorite item, the human body.
SARAH: Item?
KAYLA: Object. Thing.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Skin.
SARAH: Noun.
KAYLA: Noun.
SARAH: So, the reason this came up was… Kayla, I told you I was going to say this part, you can't stop me.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: And I'm the one who edits it, so you can't stop me. The reason this came up…
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm the one who uploads it though, so I could feasibly re-edit it.
SARAH: As if you would.
KAYLA: You listen, you don't know.
SARAH: You're so lazy.
KAYLA: Fuck you, dude. I take back all the presents I gave you on Animal Crossing yesterday.
SARAH: Too late, I already have them. Shit. And either way, my sister was going to give me them anyways. She was like, what did Kayla give you? And she was like, oh, okay.
KAYLA: Oh, it was everything? Oh, okay.
SARAH: Oh, it was everything? Anyway, I texted Kayla the other day because I realized what it is about penises that I hate so much. That makes me so afraid of them.
KAYLA: I guess, trigger warning if you just don't like human anatomy on this episode.
SARAH: Yeah, just for this part. I mean, I'm not getting into crazy anything later. I don't know about you.
KAYLA: I mean, who knows what's going to happen.
SARAH: Okay. Dicks are basically sentient beings is the conclusion I've come to, and I don't like that. Okay, here's the thing. My understanding of dicks is they can just move without you telling them to. You don't have control over them. Dicks are sentient.
KAYLA: I don't know if sentient is the right word, but from my understanding, they do move without you telling them to. But also, I think that they can move a little when you do tell them to.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I think I...should I get Dean? I feel like I...
SARAH: If you'd like to, go ahead.
KAYLA: Hold on. Let me see. But I feel like it's true.
SARAH: Okay, okay.
KAYLA: True or false, can...
DEAN: Am I on the podcast?
KAYLA: Yes. True or false, can you move your penis with intention? He's just looking at me.
DEAN: Why…
SARAH: I love this silence.
KAYLA: It's important. If you're like... Like when you move your finger, you're like, okay, finger, move. Can you do that with penis?
DEAN: Not really.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: That makes me feel much better.
DEAN: Like, you can to an extent...
KAYLA: Like a little, right?
DEAN: Right. if it's...
KAYLA: That's what I thought, just like a little.
SARAH: I take it back. I don't feel better anymore.
KAYLA: I think it's just a little.
DEAN: Do you want me to go into detail? Do I have to go into detail?
SARAH: Dicks are sentient, Dean.
KAYLA: Sarah thinks that dicks are sentient. True or false?
DEAN: Bye
KAYLA: Well, he's leaving. Okay.
SARAH: Bye, Dean.
KAYLA: Bye. Take the cat with you. Well, I guess no definitive answer for us. This was the Dean segment of the podcast.
SARAH: I like how he's just a recurring guest star.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, if he's going to live with me, he's going to need to be called in as our male correspondent. I don't know. He's in the field with the male population.
SARAH: He's in the field of men.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I mean...
SARAH: Okay, conclusion. Dicks are sentient and I really don't like that. But then we were like, can we make an episode out of this? And Kayla wanted to ban me from saying that dicks are sentient, but I told her that I was going to.
KAYLA: It makes me think of a dick with little eyeballs hopping around or something. I don't like that for me.
SARAH: That's very funny.
KAYLA: Like it's not attached to a human anymore. It's just like…
SARAH: Jumping around?
KAYLA: Like the little balls are its little feet.
SARAH: Yeah, I was going to say, are the balls still a part of it?
KAYLA: Yeah, the balls are like the feet.
SARAH: I hate it.
KAYLA: I think it's pretty good.
SARAH: Amazing. So, we really did a real switch there. But what are we actually talking about? What did this inspire?
KAYLA: So instead, I was like, well we could do another silly episode where we just talk about our least favorite parts of the human body.
SARAH: Conants.
KAYLA: Fair. But then I was like, we could actually have a discussion about what being asexual or aromantic, but I think asexual might be a little bit more relevant here.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like how it affects the relationship you have with your body and other people's bodies because no matter what sexuality you are, I think the world just like, as we grow up it conditions us to not only objectify other people, but then you objectify yourself. That's something that they've actually found in studies. There's this famous bathing suit study or something where they find that women actually are sexually objectifying themselves, which is fucked up. So, I'm just interested in your perspective, or the ace perspective on like if the way you look at your body and the way you interact with your body is different when you're asexual and the way that you look at other people's bodies. You know?
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, this is something we've touched on a little bit on this pod before, but I think… like I definitely, or maybe I've just talked to you about it, I don't know, it all blurs together.
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH: But I mean, for me, people have their ideal of what they want to look like, and my standards of how I want to look like are a lot of times… are very based in the fact that I did gymnastics, and my brain is like, you should look athletic. My brain is not like, you should be sexy, my brain is like, you should look like you could throw a man across the room. And I wonder if that has anything to do with my being aro-ace. Like, wanting to look “attractive” so that other people are attracted to you is something that is just not on my radar and it never has been. And anytime anyone has so much as implied that I was dressing a certain way to impress people in a romance-y sex way, I've been offended.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: I mean, that's like the hard thing for me with this topic is that I think we're being told so much that… and it's true, that you should dress for yourself and if you put on makeup it doesn't have to be for whoever you're trying to attract or you don't need to dress a certain way, which is all obviously true. You can and should do that kind of stuff for yourself and just want to look good so you feel good, but it's also, for me at least, impossible to erase the idea of sometimes I do want to look good and put on makeup or dress a certain way to look good to other people. That's just a fact.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, like, if I, like, okay, I was talking to Kayla earlier today, I was like, should I go to the grocery store today? And like, one of the reasons pro going to the grocery store was because I was wearing decent pants. I'm wearing like an okay outfit considering that it's quarantine. So, I was like, I'm going to wear it, I must be seen. I mean, I still have that, like, my brain still does that because of what the social norms are. I just view it as a very much not sex-based at all.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it's… for me it's kind of hard to parse out because sometimes, like, the way I dress or even just like the shape of my body, it's like I want to look this way or I don't want to look this way because, like, I'm uncomfortable or it's because, like, society won't like this. Or it's like other people… Like, for me it's hard to kind of differentiate between, like, what will, for me specifically, like, what will other girls think because I think usually it's like my friends that are girls that are commenting most on my appearance anyway, like, oh, you look nice or, like, oh, whatever. This is all very confusing. But like, for me it's like, especially kind of hard to parse out now that I've been in a relationship for like over a year because it has kind of gotten to the point where it's like I don't really need to impress you with what I look like. Like, obviously I still want to look good and not for my boyfriend not to be like, what an ugly hoe. But I think when I was like actively trying to date or like attract or whatever, like I cared a lot more about what I looked like. Like it was like, oh, this kid in my class is cute. Like I'm going to dress nicely to go to this class whereas other classes I was like, I'm going to wear whatever the fuck I want. You know?
SARAH: Yeah, no, I feel that. And like, I mean, I still get that to a certain extent of like, if I'm seeing someone who I think is like, cool, I don't want to look like a scrub. But also like, I think I think it's just like, I just view it in a much more like, I want to be friends with this person rather than I want to bone this person.
KAYLA: That's fair
SARAH: Like, there's just… there's just like a very hard line for me where that's concerned.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I know often too, like when people are like, considering like what the standard is of like what women should look like, don't should, but you know, people are like, boys like big boobs and I'm like, bitch, I ain't a boy. So, I don't see why it matters. Big boobs seem like they would just get in your way. So, I don't want that.
KAYLA: Yeah, for me, I have very small boobs. And for me, more of my wanting for big boobs is just like, I think it would look better. Just when I like, I don't know, I just think sometimes I wear things and I'm like, I look like a small boy because my boobs are so not there.
SARAH: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can have some of mine. And my boobs really… we don't have that much difference in boob size.
KAYLA: No, but you have… we've talked about this, your ribs are wider, so yours look bigger.
SARAH: I do, I got big boy ribs.
KAYLA: We've talked about this.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sarah and I… it was definitely after a podcast episode, we measured each other's butts to see whose was bigger.
SARAH: We did. And then Evan walked downstairs, he was like, what the fuck is going on?
KAYLA: He was very uncomfortable.
SARAH: We are like, don't worry about it.
KAYLA: And mine was bigger. I don't remember why or what episode that came after. But we did do that.
SARAH: I don't know. But yeah, and I understand that society wants you to look a certain way and I understand feeling pressured to look like that. Like as I said before, it's not like I avoid feeling that pressure entirely. And I can understand giving in to that pressure, but the thing that I just can't wrap my head around as an aro-ace person is just changing your appearance to try to attract people romantically or sexually. Like boob jobs? I don't get it.
KAYLA: I don't think boob jobs are always necessarily about attracting other people though.
SARAH: Not necessarily, but I think they often can be or they're often construed as such.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think, or often it might be someone that's very self-conscious about what their boobs look like, but if you look at the real societal reason about why they even feel self-conscious, that it's just beauty standards which plays into sex appeal.
SARAH: Yeah, well and we've mentioned this before, I don't really own much clothing where you can see any cleave, as they say.
KAYLA: Cleave.
SARAH: Cleave. And that's partially because I just don't feel comfortable in it, because I don't want to encourage other people to sexualize me, which like there's nothing inherently sexual about having boobs, right? But like just the way that the world works, if you can see more boob, people are probably going to sexualize you more, and I'm not comfortable with that.
KAYLA: Yeah, and that… I mean, notably, and I guess just like, what's it called, disclaimer for this whole thing, like we're obviously talking about our experiences, like you have someone like Yasmin who's a lingerie model, and she's wearing things that are traditionally like this is a sexual thing or a sexy thing. Like, obviously being aro-ace or just ace isn't going to like… it's not going to make everyone who is ace not want to dress a certain way or not want to look at their body a certain way.
SARAH: Yeah, and everyone is going to view it differently and obviously we're not speaking for all aro-ace people, we're not even speaking for Yasmin. But Yasmin has said that she views it as like she is modeling the product, not herself, which I think is a very aro-ace way to look at it.
KAYLA: Well yeah, because I think especially with modeling it is seen so much as like you're selling what you look like, so it is a very interesting way to look at it.
SARAH: Yeah, I had to read something recently for work where this girl was like, I'm wearing my hair in a ponytail because my boyfriend likes how it looks when my hair is in a ponytail. And I was like, okay, but do you want to be wearing it in a ponytail? Or are you just doing it for him? Because if he doesn't like you as much when your hair is down, maybe you shouldn't be dating?
KAYLA: Well, okay.
SARAH: Is that too aro-ace of me?
KAYLA: No, I can see the concern, and I think it depends on the relationship. Like, if… that's a controlling, weird relationship in other aspects, then that probably is a red flag. But also, like, I don't know. I don't think it's unreasonable that it's like, I like what you look like when you dress this way, or like, do your hair this way, or do your makeup this way. And she might not necessarily be doing it for him. It might just be like, oh, we're going on a date and I want to look nice, and I want him to think I'm pretty so I'm going to do this. Does that make sense?
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. I just... because I can never imagine doing it myself. I understand it objectively, but it's hard for me to take it that way
KAYLA: I don't know. Kind of like, reverse of everything I've been saying, there is... like, whether you want to be looked at as sexual or romantic way, there is a power that comes with knowing you look good. Like, even someone that's aro-ace dressing so you feel like you look really nice, that's going to bring confidence.
SARAH: When I wear a leather jacket, bitch, I will fight you.
KAYLA: Exactly. So, I think there's a certain power that can come from, like, I know that this person likes when I look this way, so I'm going to look that way, and then I know that they think I look really good. And that's a big confidence boost. Like, I know this person is looking at me and thinks I look really hot. Yeah. And I want them to think I'm hot, so it's like, it's a tension that I'm wanting to bring to myself.
SARAH: Yeah, like I feel good about myself so that I can understand why other people will also like how… like, I was just thinking, like, for the live stream, I put on makeup for the first time since quarantine started for the live stream.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: It's not like I'm… obviously I'm not trying to date anyone on the live stream. Like, that's obviously not what it is…
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: But it was like, I feel better about myself when I'm wearing makeup and there are a lot of, there's a whole other set of baggage that comes with that because, you know, society. But that's still the case.
KAYLA: Yeah, it makes sense to me.
SARAH: Okay, I believe you.
KAYLA: Thanks.
SARAH: Another thing that's pretty timely is there has been a lot of discussion about Adele recently.
KAYLA: Oh, Lord.
SARAH: I am not going to say anything about whether, like, some people are like, it's not healthy that she lost that much weight so quickly, like, should be concerned about other things. Other people are like, she looks great, like, whatever. I'm not going to take a side there. What I will say is that some of the tweets I've seen about it that I have liked most are the ones that have been like, okay, like, because for context, Adele lost a lot of weight and she posted a picture recently where she had lost a lot of weight.
KAYLA: She's teeny.
SARAH: Yeah. And it's a lot of people are like, oh my god, she looks amazing, like, blah blah blah blah blah. Like, people are like, commending her for having done this. But the tweets that I saw that I particularly liked were the ones that were like, okay, Adele has always been pretty. Just because she lost a lot of weight doesn't change that. But somehow, because she has lost a lot of weight, it makes her somehow more sexually desirable.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I just hate that. Regardless of what your thoughts are on the topic.
KAYLA: It makes me think, Sarah sent me this TikTok last night, I think, of this stupid teenage boy that was walking in circles in his room and was talking about different types of makeup that women wear and what it means. He was like, oh, if you wear mascara, then you're hot, or if you do this, you're ugly and I hate it. But something like… this is relevant. I remember him being like, if you wear blush or whatever, you look cute. You're not hot, but you're cute. And I feel like for some reason, society is like, yeah, a girl that's chubby or fat can be cute, but she's not going to be hot. But then once she's skinny, then she's super-hot and sexy.
SARAH: Bitch, have you seen Lizzo?
KAYLA: She's so hot.
SARAH: Like, what the fuck?
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: But yeah, I mean, that's definitely... I agree that that's a thing that happens. And it's not a good look for society.
KAYLA: No, but it is interesting. I forget what his name is, but the actor that recently got super buff because he's going to be in a Marvel movie.
SARAH: Kumail Nanjiani?
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, it was interesting to see that it also happened to him, that people were freaking the fuck out when he got super buff.
SARAH: He was recently on Love It or Leave It, and they were joking about how he no longer looks like a comedian. And so, he was like, yeah, I lost 30% of my funny when I became beefy.
KAYLA: That's… I mean, it's like a valid joke to make but like…
SARAH: Like part of the funniness of comedians is often because they're not quote-unquote hot.
KAYLA: Because they're normal looking.
SARAH: Yeah, they look like a regular person.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And he still looks like a regular person, just more buff now.
KAYLA: He just has a lot of muscles.
SARAH: Yeah. So, yeah, no, that's definitely a thing. But of course, for women, the goal is not to get buff.
KAYLA: Like, got, no, got, no.
SARAH: The goal is to get a Kardashian butt. There's a billboard near my house that whenever I see it, I just get so alarmed. It's a billboard for like a gym, like a workout place, whatever. The person in the picture has a very, very large butt. I would say that her butt is like solidly twice the width of her waist.
KAYLA: It's big.
SARAH: And that's like, that's the one picture on there of like, you should come to our gym. Like, they're putting it up there as like, that's what you should like, aspire to look like. And I'm like, okay, if you want to aspire to look like that, be my guest. What if I… like there's so many like fads with like, how you should look and like whatever your whatever. And I'm just like, bitch, I, why are you telling me that I need to have a big butt? What, because guys like big butt? Like, fuck off.
KAYLA: It is also interesting that like 20 years ago, like having a big waist or a big butt was like terrible.
SARAH: Oh, yeah.
KAYLA: Like, skinny eyebrows were the thing and like, yeah.
SARAH: Early 2000s, like they were fucking low-rise, like, jeans were like, if you had any fat whatsoever on your stomach, like, you know how like… on women, like, or people with uteruses, I guess that like, it kind of like sticks out a little bit at the bottom?
KAYLA: The FUPA.
SARAH: Because that's where your fucking uterus is, right?
KAYLA: I saw recently someone on the internet call it the fat upper pussy area, a FUPA, and I thought that was very funny.
SARAH: My god. But like, there's, there's a bit of a bump there because that's where your fucking uterus is, and like everyone is like trying to like get rid of it.
KAYLA: Yeah, to be fair with everyone, and open and honest, I hate that part of my body.
SARAH: Well, I mean, so do I, because like society is like, oh this is bad…
KAYLA: Because everyone says go away
SARAH: Yeah, and like even as like someone who… what my brain tells me my body should look like is like more athletic looking. Like I was very ripped as a child. And…
KAYLA: Sarah was so ripped as a child, it's insane. It's like concerning a little bit.
SARAH: And so… I should… remind me to tell them about the video after I tell this.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: But when I was little, like I had abs and I like… like they kind of like stuck out more at the bottom and I hated that. I was like, why does my stomach stick out like this? And I was like 10.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fucked.
SARAH: And like, it's like, that's just literally what your body does. Like…
KAYLA: The first time I remember ever being self-conscious about my body and I definitely probably had been before but this is like my first actual memory of it is I was with my mom, my friend and my friend's mom. And we were like shopping for dresses for like freshman year homecoming or something. And I tried on this dress that was like super tight, like just like it was like plain fabrics. You could like… could clearly see like your whole body. And I remember my friend's mom like looking at me and she was like, oh, you have like a little pooch hanging out. And I was like, oh, like I hadn't ever like thought about it. I was like, oh, this I look good. What a fun dress. And she was like, oh, God, get rid of that. And I was like, oh, what?
SARAH: Yeah, no, I am I was very lucky in like I did dance and gymnastics growing up. I was very lucky in that none of my like coaches or parents or anything were like you need to look a certain way. Because I know that is definitely an issue in both of those sports… arts, sports, whatever you want to call them, athletic arts. But… so, like everything is self-imposed just from like social norms and social pressure. And it's so dumb.
KAYLA: Sarah, tell them about the video.
SARAH: Okay, I actually think I'm fairly certain that this video has actually been taken down by the person who posted it.
KAYLA: Tragic.
SARAH: Probably a good thing.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I loved looking at it.
SARAH: So, there's this video of me. I was in fifth grade and we had a sleepover for one of the dances I was in. It was like a small group so there were only eight of us and we had a sleepover with all of us just for fun. And also, my sister because it would have been mean to not invite her. And the persons… my friend there who was several years older than me was just taking videos and just randomly putting them on YouTube. We were doing acro stuff and lifts and she was just recording.
KAYLA: You know, when you're a child.
SARAH: Yeah. And they had a hot tub and so in some of the videos we were wearing bathing suits. And they were obsessed with my abs.
KAYLA: Because they were insane looking. Like washboard, so ripped, looks fake. Like Sarah had abs. It's insane.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Like no boobs at all, but abs.
KAYLA: It's just like the most defined abs. And I think what's so wild to look at it about is just how young you are. Like you're not used to seeing a child with abs. Like an adult with abs, you're like, yeah, that's a person with abs.
SARAH: See, I'm used to seeing children with abs because I did gymnastics.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm just not. Like I know it's a thing, but like... what?
SARAH: Anyway. But they were taking a video just going around saying hi to everyone. And she was like, show off your abs. And I was like, okay. And then she was like, no, that made it look worse. But then I laughed. And then it like, you know, you can see all the abs when you laugh. And it was just a funny video and I would use it to tell like, when people are like, I don't believe you that you were ripped as a child. I would be like, well, let me pull out my receipt.
KAYLA: Look at these abs.
SARAH: But then one time, like years later, I went back to it and I realized it had like 27,000 views. And the title wasn't any, like the title was a joke. It was like Sarah's and then there was like a 12-digit number and then abs. And like it was a bunch of kids. Like the oldest person there was probably was maybe 14. And it was just a bunch of kids messing around. But it had 27,000 views. None of her other videos had that many views. And so, I looked in the comments and there were a bunch of creepers who were like, oh, like, let me see more whatever about me.
KAYLA: Fucked
SARAH: And I… very luckily, I didn't see that until I was older.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If I had seen that when I was still a child, I have no idea how I would have reacted. But I was at least… I was probably at least like 16 or I don't remember exactly when I saw it, but I was at least like late high school, college by the time I saw it. So, at that point, I was just like, oh, that's creepy. Like, whatever.
KAYLA: Oh, that’s fucked up
SARAH: But it was like, okay, so I am 10 in that video. And you have all these random creepers on YouTube who are sexualizing me in the comments on this video that was posted by like a 13-year-old of like her and her friends just messing around.
KAYLA: Yeah, like you can't even… and obviously this goes to like a much deeper thing of like creepy pedophiles and like, yeah, just a lot of stuff. But like the point here is that it just like starts so young.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like for you, you like hadn't even begun, I'm assuming, really thinking about your sexuality.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: You obviously hadn't figured it out yet.
SARAH: I hadn't hit puberty yet.
KAYLA: Yeah, exactly.
SARAH: Like, there were no boobs to be had.
KAYLA: No, not at all.
SARAH: And like, some of the other people in that video did have boobs because they were older than me, but the comments weren't about their boobs, which I mean I'm glad, like they were children. But still.
KAYLA: Yeah, it is all very odd.
SARAH: Weird. But yeah, it's dumb. And now I have weird... the abs will always... I will always want a six pack. My brain will always be like, you got to have that because as a ten-year-old that's what I had.
KAYLA: Yeah, I would also like a six pack.
SARAH: People thought it was cool. I want to... you know those people that have like, just a line down their stomach?
KAYLA: Mmhmm.
SARAH: I want a line. I remember my freshman year of high school. It was the very end of the school year, it was in June, my friend had like an end of the school year pool party. And one of the people there, at that point, that was like a couple months after I had done like my first stress fracture in my back. Long story short, high school was when I started getting less in shape because of injuries and things. But this was the end of freshman year and one of the people at the party was like, oh, my god, Sarah, you almost have a six pack. And I was so offended that she would say that I almost had a six pack.
KAYLA: Oh no
SARAH: I like… it turned my world upside down.
KAYLA: She meant it as a compliment too.
SARAH: She meant it as a compliment. And it fucked me up. And like ever since then I've been like, well, back in the day.
KAYLA: That is sad.
SARAH: You know what else I have to say on this topic?
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: We're going to pivot a little bit.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: As far as I'm concerned, I have no genitalia.
KAYLA: I was just going to make this point about other people not having genitalia.
SARAH: Yeah. Like, no.
KAYLA: So, you just don't?
SARAH: Yeah, no. People who are super sex positive oftentimes are like, get to know your body, find out what you like. And I'm like, you know what my body likes? Sleeping. My body likes to sleep.
KAYLA: So, you just see yourself as a Barbie?
SARAH: Yes. I'm like a Barbie. I'm like a Barbie with a dream of six-packs.
KAYLA: That's how I imagine all of the men in my life. I've definitely talked about this before, is I just like to not think about the men in my life having dicks.
SARAH: Oh yeah.
KAYLA: To me, I just don't.
SARAH: I was watching something for work recently and there was... It wasn't meant to be sexual, but at one point this guy was just naked sitting there and I was like, ah! That's just a dick!
KAYLA: That's also...
SARAH: For me
KAYLA: That's also what my reaction was when Ansel Elgort recently posted a nearly naked picture.
SARAH: I thought it was funny.
KAYLA: Well, no, it was very funny. And he was like, oh, go to my OnlyFans, I'm raising money for whatever, go look at my naked body.
SARAH: But then he was actually just raising money for a food bank.
KAYLA: Yeah. But it's funny because the picture was very... like he's a very aesthetically attractive person, but when I... I don’t know why… because it’s not like I haven’t seen naked people on the internet before. It's the internet.
SARAH: You can’t avoid it
KAYLA: You scroll through anything and a naked person pops up at you.
SARAH: I'm sorry by being forever.
KAYLA: Yeah, Tumblr really did it to me. I saw some things. One time I was following a nice Harry Potter blog and all of a sudden they turned into a fisting blog.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: With no warning.
SARAH: That's a big turnaround.
KAYLA: It was. Anyway, so I...
SARAH: Well, that's not allowed on Tumblr anymore.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean good.
SARAH: Porn is disallowed on Tumblr. People were very displeased.
KAYLA: I mean good for some reasons and bad for some other reasons. I don't know. I don't really have an opinion. Anyway, when I saw... Sarah was like, oh did you see what Ansel Elgort did? And I went and looked and my reaction was just... out loud just went, ah! And Dean was sitting next to me and he was like, what? And I was like, I saw something on the internet! I was just so startled.
SARAH: Yeah, no, I had heard people talking about it so I was like, alright, you've got me, I'm going to seek this out now. And I was just like, well, I'm glad that I can't see anymore. Because his hand was covering anything that Instagram would have kicked him off for. But everything else was present.
KAYLA: I do wonder, because we talked about recently several times, that I'm like, oh, a half-naked woman, she looks nice, let me just look at this picture. But if I see a half-naked man online, I think I am much more freaked out than, you know?
SARAH: I think I just don't like the bottom half of the human body.
KAYLA: No, that's fair.
SARAH: Like, hips down, don't need it.
KAYLA: That's very fair. I think that just like, for some reason I'm more uncomfortable with like, nearly naked male bodies or bodies with penises, because it's like, I don't know.
SARAH: But you've also said that you hate vaginas as equally much as you hate penises.
KAYLA: No, vaginas are disgusting. But like, it's not like, okay, like if someone, if a woman, okay, so Ansel Elgort's picture is just him…
SARAH: You're not necessarily looking up someone's vagina at all.
KAYLA: Yes, the gross part of the vagina is when you're like, head on looking. I'm so sorry for anyone that's like, sex repulsed.
SARAH: This is not the episode for you.
KAYLA: Not the episode for you. Like, if you're like, facing…
SARAH: We can put a warning in the description.
KAYLA: Yeah, we should. If you're just like, facing a vagina, that's the gross part. Like, but often if like, a picture comes up on your Twitter timeline of like, a half-naked person, usually that's not the angle you're coming from.
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair.
KAYLA: Even so though, like, the picture of Ansel Elgort or like, anyone where it's like, just like, face on, I'm much more uncomfortable with that like, being a man rather than like, a woman standing there with her hand over her genitals. And I don't know if it's because…
SARAH: You normally see that much of a woman anyway, because women are more sexualized, so you're used to seeing more of their bodies.
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it's part that and part like, that body looks like mine so it's fine, and part like, since men are what I'm attracted to, it's almost like I shouldn't be looking at this…
SARAH: Mm, interesting
KAYLA: Even if I wasn't dating someone or anything. It's almost like, oh this is taboo because…
SARAH: This is the forbidden fruit.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's almost like, well this is the thing I'm supposed to be sexualizing, but now it just came up on my Twitter so now someone's going to see me.
SARAH: I just feel weird about it now.
KAYLA: Yeah, if it was just a woman and my mom was like, wow, why'd that come up on your Twitter on your phone, I'd be like, I don't know. But if it was a man, I'd be like, ah, I didn't do it. I don't know, it's weird.
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair.
KAYLA: It's like this weird embarrassment of like, oh no, a naked man.
SARAH: Oh no, a human form.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah. What a weird time. The TLDR is social norms mean that everyone, pretty much everyone, has fucked up thoughts on body image.
KAYLA: Yeah, pretty much.
SARAH: And also, genitalia? Thumbs down.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: That's what I have to say. Um, do you have anything else to add on this topic? This has been an interesting conversation.
KAYLA: Yeah, um, no, I don't know. I just think it's interesting.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: Kesh.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Um, does the human body make you uncomfortable?
SARAH: Okay. Should we separate it by ace and not ace?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: Okay. Also, I would be curious to anyone who is comfortable with it, um, just like knowing like if, as people who are aspec or not aspec, like what your relationship is with like, you know, dressing to impress someone or like trying to look a certain way to impress someone. I'm just very curious on that. So, if you'd like to tell us, go for it. I mean, don't say anything… I don't want a dick pic. Don't… or a pussy pic
KAYLA: I don't think that you would even put that on the table.
SARAH: No. I'm just saying if we're looking at all the things we talked about in this episode, I do not want to see a picture like straight up someone's vagina.
KAYLA: Wow, really taking it back to episode one, huh?
SARAH: Yeah, really. We really are.
KAYLA: Full circle.
SARAH: Okay, cool. What's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My juices are the fundraiser, which was just crazy. And also, last weekend, so if you're listening to this on Sunday, a week ago, we were celebrating graduation and we've been very into the Amazing Race here. So, my mom and my dad set up a mini–Amazing Race in our backyard.
SARAH: In your backyard?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know why I said it like that. Hello? In just all of our yards, really. They set up a bunch of little challenges and things.
SARAH: Imagine having a yard.
KAYLA: Yeah, we have a pretty big yard. And not to brag.
SARAH: I live in LA.
KAYLA: But yeah, it was very wild and I almost passed out because I don't handle heat well and it was the one hot day we've had. And I also haven't exercised in 12 years, so I did literally almost pass out.
SARAH: How hot was it?
KAYLA: It was, I don't know, 80-something maybe.
SARAH: Was it humid?
KAYLA: The sun was just out. There was no clouds. The sun was out and we were running through the woods.
SARAH: Alright.
KAYLA: And I was wearing long pants and… listen, I just don't handle heat well. Anyway, I almost passed out, but I won anyway. I won the whole thing.
SARAH: That's exciting. It's gotten warm in LA and I don't like it. It's currently 84.
KAYLA: It's been still pretty cold here, except for that one day.
SARAH: According to my computer, my hometown is 61 degrees right now.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Okay, yeah. My juice, I had beef and then I decided to say it, so I'm just not going to. My juice is the, this is kind of beef, I went on an unfollowing spree on Instagram today.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: It was great, I feel great. I didn't actually check how many I was following before I started, but I definitely deleted over a hundred people. I felt great. My other juice is this article by John Paul Brammer where he interviews a murder hornet.
KAYLA: Whoa, okay.
SARAH: And he describes his interview with a murder hornet. Did you know that she's gay?
KAYLA: There's just one?
SARAH: Well, the one he interviewed.
KAYLA: Oh, that's very exciting.
SARAH: She's gay. It's an excellent article.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: I just thought you all should know. Alright, you can tell us about your beef, your joos, whether or not you would put your hair in a ponytail for your boyfriend on our social media @SoundsFakePod everywhere. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod, if you'd like to give us your money. I think we're getting close to the goal of being able to buy some of Ireland.
KAYLA: I think so. Now that seems like a pretty not great goal. Now that we're in the current state of things.
SARAH: Hey, we raised $4,000 for a good cause.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: We can buy a square foot of Ireland and make it the asexual capital of the world.
KAYLA: We have a new patron, did you write that down?
SARAH: I know, I already wrote it down. Oh, okay. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, BookMarvel, Changeling MX, Derek and Karissa, Simona Simon, Jamie Jack, Jessica Shea, Ria Faustino, Daniel Walker, Barefoot Backpacker, and Livy. Thank you, Livy, for joining this fun time.
KAYLA: Thank you, Livy
SARAH: Sorry that this was the episode where we first said your name.
KAYLA: Whoa
SARAH: Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin, @tessa_m_k. Actually, no, not sorry. Just sorry for some of the things at the beginning and the end. The middle was perfectly fine.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Arcness who'd like to promote the Trevor project, Benjamin Ybarra who'd like to promote Tabletop games, anonymous who’d like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who'd like to promote podcasts from a planet weird, my aunt Jennie who'd like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Cassandra who'd like to promote their modeling Instagram @liddowred, Doug rice who would like to promote Native by Caitlin Curtis and Maggie Capellbo who'd like to promote her dog's Instagram @minniemuffin19. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who'd like to promote free mum hugs from a distance still, we’re still social distancing guys, Sarah Jones who's @eternallolli everywhere, Dea Chappelle who would like to promote the podcast The Beacon and dragonfly. What is dragonfly promoting this week Kayla?
KAYLA: Dragonfly is promoting…
SARAH: Faster. Dragonfly is… Oh spaghetti. I was… the first thing that came to my mind was the bird I saw walking around my balcony yesterday.
KAYLA: Oh Good.
SARAH: I had never seen a bird…
KAYLA: Go follow that bird on Instagram
SARAH: I had never seen a bird on my balcony before but I had like my curtains closed because it was getting hot and I was like stop it and I… but my curtains are not long enough to cover my whole door wall. And so, there's like a foot at the bottom and I looked over and I was like, ha, there's a bird. I see a bird
KAYLA: What a wild time you're having
SARAH: Yeah, indeed. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears and also thank you for donating
KAYLA: Yes, and until then take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]