Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 141: The Ace Ring
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Hey what's up hello! This week we talk all about the ace ring: its history, what it is, why people wear it, and if we have ever worn one!
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[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, ace rings
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: Shit, someone sent me like a bunch of suggestions the other day
SARAH: M’oratorium
KAYLA: I don't even know what that means
SARAH: It's like if you put a moratorium on something like you're making people stop talking about it
KAYLA: Sure, okay
SARAH: I don't know, it just came to mind
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Okay, cool are you going to say one are you just going to let me m’oratorium…
KAYLA: I just… like every week m’milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard
SARAH: I think you have said that
KAYLA: I know I have but it's always what I want to say every week because it's so funny, so I guess we'll just leave it
SARAH: Okay, um, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, so we were in our discord the other day asking people what they wanted us to do episodes about because even though we've been going for almost three years there are still things we haven't covered but also, we can't think of them it's… you know
SARAH: It happens
KAYLA: You know, and people were talking about like and we've done an episode kind of about this but like how like the stereotype of like Bi people cuff their jeans you can like tell who around you is gay by what they wear and they were like talking about like kind of ace symbols for that and we did an episode a while ago I think called like dressing queer where we like kind of talked about that I think
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But… I'm yawning
SARAH: Wait, so am I, oh no
KAYLA: Oh no, no God um
SARAH: Does the yawning phenomenon work via telephone?
KAYLA: I think it did
SARAH: Or were we just really in sync?
KAYLA: No, I think it did it
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Maybe we're the Backstreet Boys
SARAH: Backstreet’s back all right! What does that have to do with it?
KAYLA: Huh?
SARAH: What does the Backstreet Boys have to do with us yawning?
KAYLA: Uh, because we were in sync
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I have no idea if I'll be leaving this in or not, you'll find out
KAYLA: Thanks. Uh, okay
SARAH: No, you won't, you don’t listen to this podcast
KAYLA: I don’t listen to this podcast. Um someone will tell me though but we've never talked about the ace ring specifically which I think is really kind of the only established like dressing ace anything or like a symbol anything really, so
SARAH: Yeah, so we're going to talk about some things to do with the ace ring. I feel like a lot of people who listen to this podcast probably know what it is but for those who don't, what is the ace ring
KAYLA: Yeah, so I guess we can do some history first and then I thought we could talk about like why me and Sarah do slash don't wear it and…
SARAH: Do we wear it? Do the children know?
KAYLA: Well, they'll have to keep listening to see but not see because it's audio medium, um, anyway. So yeah the history of it and there's a lot of really great videos and articles I personally watched Embly99’s video from like two years ago about the ace ring, Slice of Ace put out a video I think last year about him wearing the ace ring and then there's a bunch of articles and such about the history but basically the ace ring is a black ring of any kind just has to be black that you wear on your right middle finger and it's basically just a symbol of like hey I'm asexual, here I am
SARAH: Yeah, I think… I mean it's also… it kind of represents all aspec identities
KAYLA: Well, yeah
SARAH: But it did kind of start as being a specifically asexual thing but it has kind of expanded beyond that, you don't have to be asexual specifically to wear it you just have to be somewhere under the umbrella
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I mean you could technically wear it even if you weren't under the umbrella but people would just know it's…
KAYLA: Simply no one is stopping you
SARAH: No one is stopping you
KAYLA: A black ring on your right middle finger, I don't think you're going to get attacked or anything
SARAH: No, unless there are some vicious and well-informed aphobes out there
KAYLA: I guess, you'd have to be like a very like well-informed aphobe I feel like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: To know even
SARAH: Yeah, to have to recognize that
KAYLA: If an aphobe does that must research and knows that much I just… someone needs to get a hobby
SARAH: They may need to get a life
KAYLA: Anyway, but the history of it is actually interesting I thought so back in the day in 2005 which is a long time ago actually, did you know?
SARAH: It depends on your frame of reference but sure
KAYLA: I feel like… I mean it's in like 15 years
SARAH: Yeah, I mean in 2005 I was… well this happened in June 2005 so in June 2005 I can't do math I was seven…
KAYLA: I was… wait, I can't have been nine, was I eight?
SARAH: You were eight
KAYLA: I was eight, crazy. Anyway, so on the AVEN forums which is you know the part of AVEN where you can just go on the forum and chat so back in 2005 there was a post and someone was like hey is there anything that like you can wear that like signifies you're asexual and some people are talking about like the AVEN logo and like wearing merch with that on it but some people are like I don't want to be that out and like be so out that people are going to like know from my shirt that it's AVEN and then I'm asexual um so someone had… oh… yes
SARAH: I was just going to say I… when I'm looking at that uh forum right now and one of my favorite things on it I think is someone was like I also like the idea of those Livestrong type bracelets with AVEN or something like written on it and someone goes I don't know those things are nearing their end I think they'll be considered kitsch in a few months
KAYLA: Which is…
SARAH: It's just here in the Lord's… the Lord's year 2020, looking back at that so you're right
KAYLA: They were right, but honestly will they come back like now probably because everything is coming back
SARAH: Bring back silly bands
KAYLA: No. I had so many silly bands dude. So, yeah so there's… you can actually too like yes Sarah said she's looking at the thread you can find it on AVEN there's… I was looking at an article or like a blog post by um The Ace Theist
SARAH: That's where I got to it from
KAYLA: Yeah, and they have a link to it and you can go look and they also kind of talk about what they think about the ring and such. Um, so yeah then one of like the very first people that comments says that oh my friend actually wears a ring on her left middle finger and her explanation is that apparently which I didn't know this was a thing but wearing a ring on your right middle finger means you're currently single um and then if you have like your left ring fingers like you wear a ring there when you're married if you have a wedding ring or whatever so their logic was like oh if you're wearing a ring on the left middle finger…
SARAH: Wait, I just got confused about what hand is on
KAYLA: Well so yeah that was the thing is originally people were saying it should be on the left middle finger because then it's basically talking about how you're like permanently single
SARAH: Yeah, because this person was saying that like their friend has it in like their right middle finger means they're single because their right ring finger means they're taken and then your left ring finger is like where you put wedding rings so the conclusion was the left middle finger would be like permanently single
KAYLA: Yeah, which like obviously isn't the most accurate because obviously asexual people can like date and get married and so I think that's actually… I haven't gone through this like whole long thread but what I… what Embly said in her video was then later in the thread that people didn't want the ring to like, if you have a big black ring on your middle finger right next to your wedding ring if you're an ace that's married that won't look very good aesthetically
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, they moved it then to the right middle finger
SARAH: The right, that makes sense
KAYLA: Yeah, and it also I think kind of moves away from that thought of like permanently single because I think that's more of like an aro thing if anything
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But also, like aro people can also be in like long-term committed QPRs and relationships and such
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: But… so, that's like the general history, um but I don't know what I think is cool about it is kind of like the idea of how covert it is anyway because I don't know like it makes it very easy for people to wear and easy to identify other ace people that are around them without outing themselves to anyone who's like not in the inner circle
SARAH: It's not like you're wearing a shirt 24/7 that's like, I'm asexual
KAYLA: Yeah, it's kind of like… isn't it the phrase that people would ask like is she or is he like in the family? Have you ever heard of that? Let me…
SARAH: Yeah, that sounds familiar, yeah
KAYLA: Well, now I'm not finding anything but I feel like this could be completely wrong but it's something that like you know like queer people would say to each other to figure out like oh is that other person like also queer without like…
SARAH: Yeah, there… I know that there was some kind of terminology that was used, I don't know exactly what it was but yeah
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Yeah, but I feel like it's kind of that where you can kind of like be walking around and see that someone has the ring and like you don't have to because like I mean being asexual as we've talked about this like such a straight passing kind of thing that it's kind of like a way… yeah it can be where it's kind of a way that you can like I don't know secretly tell like a secret club
SARAH: It just keeps making me think of you know that like Tumblr post from like 2012 um where someone was like how do you know if you see someone out in the wild like and you think they might be a Tumblr person
KAYLA: Oh yeah
SARAH: You don't know for sure so you tell them that you like their shoelaces and if they answer thanks, I got them from the president um they're… they know, it just makes me think of that
KAYLA: I do remember that
SARAH: I'm like I still remember what the code is for some reason
KAYLA: Did you ever use that on anyone?
SARAH: No, no definitely not
KAYLA: That's good
SARAH: But I just still remember it
KAYLA: Yeah, no it is kind of like that, I also think like from what I was reading like the videos I was watching I think the main people… main reason a lot of people I think wear it is because so much of the ace community is online and I think it's definitely moving away from that more which is really great like there's more like meetups and groups and everything obviously not right now which is sad
SARAH: Yeah, everything's online right now
KAYLA: It's fine um but like so many people I feel like don't know any like ace people in their real lives they like they never interact with them like face to face and so it's kind of like a physical like grounding reminder to like be able to look at rather than on a computer screen that's like actually right there in front of you
SARAH: Yeah, well that's what I liked about the ace theist article that we like blog post that we both read um this person was talking about how like aphobes are like wearing an ace ring is in your face and they were like it's really fucking not
KAYLA: It’s quite the opposite actually
SARAH: Um, you know what's in the face? Your fucking allonormativity, but I like the way that they um they end this blog post where they said “as usual, allo whiners, you've got it backwards. It's not about proclaiming we're different, it's about carrying on our hands a reminder that there are others somewhere who are the same.” I was like that's nice
KAYLA: It is really nice because I feel like… I don't know, I've never experienced this and I think maybe this is like a less common like feeling to have now but I remember I was listening to David Jay's interview on AOK which is a good podcast you should listen to it especially um this month maybe, I don't know, listen to it
SARAH: Um yeah so, this month just seems like a good time to start
KAYLA: It just seems like a good month to start AOK, I don't know why it just seems like a good time to start
SARAH: It’s just fun, you know
KAYLA: Anyway, uh but he was talking about like when he very first founded AVEN in like 2000 you know there was like a bunch of people that kind of like on their own came up with the word asexual and like it wasn't until they found each other on the internet that they realized like other people were using the same word and like felt the same way and I feel like especially in those times where like you couldn't easily find anyone else who felt the same way as you that like… I feel like it would be very easy to second guess your sexuality at all, like if you're the only one around you that seems to be experiencing that and you can't see it visually face to face like with eyes or you can't you know like sense it physically around you then I can like reason that some people would feel like very dissociated from it at all and like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's like so many obnoxious arguments now that are like demisexuality was just something that was like invented on Tumblr blah blah blah but which like bitch even if it was who the fuck cares but…
SARAH: And also, that's not even true, so where the fuck are you getting your information from?
KAYLA: It’s just simply actually not even true just go away but like to have a physical reminder of like even if there aren't people physically around me who like… who I can see experiencing this like it's like there is something physical there if that makes sense
SARAH: Yeah, and I know that a lot of times people talk about how like queer kids find each other even before they know they're queer and like I think that's definitely true of like me like obviously not everyone I've ever been friends with is queer but like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Of the people who I went to high school with who weren't out in high school but did turn out to be queer I was like okay yeah that makes sense or like we knew a ton of people in college and like we had a lot of queer friends in college and then a lot of my friends out here in LA which are also kind of from college but a lot of them are queer and so it's like we find each other but the thing about being a part of the ace community is just that it's harder for us to find each other in-person even if we find other queer people the odds of us finding other aspec people are lower just because it is a smaller community and so I think having that ring like as a reminder that like there are other people in this community like is a thing that helps people
KAYLA: Yeah. Well, because I feel like… and maybe this like isn't the case now since we live so much of our lives on the internet and it's like normal but like I feel like sometimes it's really easy to feel like the things you see on the internet just like aren't true at all or like aren't based in reality does that make sense? Like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like something on the news and it feels so far away that you're like that's not happening in real life
SARAH: It exists in the liminal space that is the void of the internet it doesn't always feel grounded in the way that things that you see with your eyes in real life or that happen to you in real life feel
KAYLA: Yeah, and like especially with orientations like asexuality where it's like a little bit based in the lack of something which I know isn't a great way of describing it and not… I don't know, not the most correct way of describing it.
SARAH: But it is the easiest digestible for a lot of people.
KAYLA: Yes. You all know what I mean. But it's not like if you're gay you can tangibly be like oh I'm physically feeling this or like there's this other person but when you're ace like it is this very much so this experience of like something is not happening to me and so that can make it I feel like even more difficult to grasp if your only community is online you've learned about this orientation online all of the people you talk to are online you've never met a person who's like that in your real life at least you don't know that you have, I feel like it could be very difficult to kind of like really take it on as part of your identity, like it would almost be kind of like here's my online identity and here's my like in-person identity
SARAH: Right, I mean even now as like we host this podcast we talk about this all the time but any time that in real life I stumble upon a person who is aspec which is not very often and usually has to do with this podcast but like anytime that I like actually meet someone and interact with them like in real life it's weird, like it gives me this feeling of like oh like there are people that like you know listen to the podcast that have the same identities as me that like you know and so I think even now in 2020 like obviously the internet is definitely a place where we spend more of our time than the standard was in 2000 but I think you know still having a physical in real life reminder of that is still something that is powerful here in 2020.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean it's just like a way of linking your online and your real-life experiences and even if you are someone that knows a ton of ace people in real life if you're lucky enough to be in an environment where that's the case I think it's still like I said like I don't know I think it'd be cool to see someone out in the wild wearing an ace ring and I could just be like I see you bitch. I see you
SARAH: Yeah, it's like when I was at that protest recently and I saw someone with like an ace themed sign and I was like oh my god it's one of us.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's like if you're at a pride event and you see an ace flag like I remember I was at a pride event and some people I was with had ace flags and people like came up to us and were like oh my god like I love your flag because it's just like so uncommon unfortunately to see that physically that it like makes it even more exciting.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah, tea.
KAYLA: Tea.
SARAH: I would be interested to know how much of the aspec community of people who are confident in their identities actually wears an ace ring somewhere all of the time.
KAYLA: I would be… I mean is that our poll this week bitch? did we already do it?
SARAH: Oh my god we've done it. I know some people like wear it as a ring I've heard of people wearing it as like a necklace I believe Yasmin does.
KAYLA: Like some people just like can't do rings on their hands it like just doesn't work.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I would be interested to because I feel like more and more, I've seen people like talking about it online I know like two years ago when Embly made her video, she was saying like I don't think many people know about this and I think in the last couple years it's like re-becoming a big thing. I've definitely seen people like in our discord talking about like I just ordered my ring or like asking for people's opinions on like where they got their ring and stuff. I'd be very interested. Sarah?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Do you wear a ring?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Why?
[00:20:00]
SARAH: It doesn't match my aesthetic.
KAYLA: See here's the thing you texted me that when we were talking about doing this episode and I don't agree which I know it's your aesthetic so you get to decide if it fits your aesthetic but as your co-host and the other member of your body.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I just… don't you feel like when you're a co-host of a podcast with someone that you kind of like share a body you know?
SARAH: Not at all no.
KAYLA: Oh, um well I do so I personally feel like it does fit your aesthetic.
SARAH: Here's the thing it doesn't not fit my aesthetic on an objective level
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: But I… black jewelry I just I'm so pale.
KAYLA: That is fair you're very pale.
SARAH: That like it would… I don't know there's something about it that I'm just like it… my brain just can't do it, and it has nothing to do with the meaning of it, it's just literally like…
KAYLA: I feel like though when I picture like what your aesthetic is I picture like your black leather jacket and your like ripped jeans and I feel like it does fit like if I had to like describe like if I picture you in my mind I feel like if someone was like picture a Sarah outfit that would be the one I feel like it would match with that.
SARAH: I also just like don't put rings on my middle fingers.
KAYLA: I've never seen you really wear rings that much at all I don't think.
SARAH: I wear rings occasionally. I like rings but they annoy me. So, like I like how they look but it's… they just like… if I like have to wash my hands I'm like oh I don't I feel like I should take this off or like I'm always afraid of it just falling off of my person. I do like rings they… I can't wear them all the time.
KAYLA: I mean it's a good thing you're not going to get married then huh?
SARAH: Yeah, right um but you know uh it's just, I don't know like my reasoning for wearing… for not wearing an ace ring has nothing to do with the meaning or the purpose of it and everything to do with um aesthetics which is like kind of dumb but also like my prerogative.
KAYLA: It's very vain of you Sarah.
SARAH: Well, someone in the ace community has got to be just to break some stereotypes.
KAYLA: I guess, I think it makes sense though if it was like something else would you wear it?
SARAH: I don't know… I don't know that I would… that is the really, the weird thing for me about my aceness is I again I've said this so many times on the podcast and I feel like it definitely still surprises some people is I don't feel the need to advertise it despite the fact that I have a podcast about it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: If you go on my personal social medias you won't really find much about my identity. Some people really focus on that and they have it on their bio or whatever and I just don't. Because, I mean it's a part of me but I feel like it's not something that I feel the need to make clear necessarily. And I feel like in some ways wearing an ace ring would do that. At least to other aces are people who understand what it means. And like that's just me being like, I also just don't want to invite the conversation necessarily. And I know that sounds dumb coming from someone who again has a fucking podcast about all this but it's just like I want to bring it up on my own terms. And if I'm wearing something that people recognize then that's a whole other thing. Sometimes it can be good because if they recognize it they're probably woke enough to not be dicks about it. But I don't know, I have a weird relationship with my asexuality in terms of it being a public facing thing.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean you're also not just the most outgoing person. You're not someone that's going to talk to strangers or that kind of thing anyway.
SARAH: I'm an outgoing person but I am a shy person at the same time.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, you know, it's like when I saw those people at the protest who had ace stuff, I didn't approach them. I just looked from a distance.
KAYLA: You just perceived respectfully
SARAH: Yeah, and so I mean… I perceived respectfully. And I mean, I think, will I ever wear an ace ring? Honestly, I doubt it. At least not consistently. I don't necessarily feel the need to be tethered to a physical reminder of community because I have this podcast and I'm reminded of the community all the time.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like for us, because we are so active, in terms of posting once a week in like the discord and everything, the need to have that reminder and that tether to remind us that other people are there like us isn't super necessary because it's kind of a constant thing we're thinking about.
SARAH: Yeah, but some people like to have that and by all means, do it.
KAYLA: Do it. You won't...
SARAH: Kayla, do you wear an ace ring or anything related to your sexuality?
KAYLA: You know what I was thinking recently is I don't even have like an ace apparel, which like...
SARAH: The only reason I have an ace shirt is because you gave it to me.
KAYLA: I know because like I just feel like it's like a utility item I need to have. Like what if I'm going to like a pride or an event or something? Like I need… I keep looking for like demisexual wear and I feel like it's harder to find than like just like the asexual flag or colors in general.
SARAH: Now did you know that we have a merch store and we could add it ourselves?
KAYLA: Huh.
SARAH: Did you consider that?
KAYLA: You know I didn't. Even though I spent like an hour on our merch store yesterday adding image descriptions for accessibility yesterday. I spent a lot of time looking at our shirts and no I hadn't considered it, Sarah.
SARAH: Maybe you should consider it.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I'm also not good at art.
SARAH: Or you could consider it because don't should.
KAYLA: Don't should but like I… we would also need to find someone to art and like I'm lazy.
SARAH: I mean you've found people before.
KAYLA: Who wants to make me a shirt?
SARAH: We can't pay you in money but we'll pay you in love and stickers.
KAYLA: And one day when we're rich we'll pay you in money. Anyway, uh for… back to the ace ring for a while I was wearing I think… how do you pronounce it? Hematite? Hematite?
SARAH: I don't know how to pronounce it. You should be the one who knows how to pronounce it.
KAYLA: Well, fuck you.
SARAH: No, I'm ace.
KAYLA: That doesn't mean you can't, fuck Sarah.
SARAH: But I'm not interested in it.
KAYLA: Okay I don't know how exactly to pronounce it. I think it's hematite or hematite. Anyway, it's a type of metal and I don't want anyone's thoughts or feelings on this. But it is said that like wearing it on your person can help with headaches. And I have a lot of headache issues and I have found that sometimes it does help fuck you. And so, for a while I was wearing those type of rings but they're very fragile the metal is and so they break very easily. But for relevancy they are black so I don't know if I ever had one that was like the size that would fit my middle finger.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I guess I like almost wore one for a while but it wasn't for the purposes of aceness either.
SARAH: I mean it can have a double purpose.
KAYLA: Well yes but…
SARAH: Double meaning.
KAYLA: Yes, it just like wasn't the express reason I was wearing it.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean for me if someday I find a ring that could function as an ace ring that I really like, sure. But I'm not actively looking for it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't think it's something I'm actively looking for if I was able to like go to the store, I like that sells these type of rings and get one in the size of my right middle finger I would. But it's also this weird thing for me though where like obviously at the top of this episode we talked about like it's not just for people who like only use the label asexual it's for like anyone under the spectrum or umbrella can use it.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: But for me like it just feels very weird like outwardly in public having something that's like I'm aspec because like if you look at me publicly in-person I am incredibly straight passing because I am straight and so it just like feels weird and like a kind of like and this isn't me putting those feelings on anyone else obviously anyone that's aspec is aspec and like is totally fine to have relationships and sex obviously that's fine, I do it. It's just like this weird internal like self-consciousness that I've always grappled with since taking on the label of like not quite feeling ace enough and so it like feels weird for me to like use an asexual symbol because I feel like I'm almost like not there enough to do it which isn't true and it's not a reason anyone else shouldn't wear it and I don't want you to take these feelings and put them on yourself but…
SARAH: Yeah, I mean that's part of the reason why it kind of took you so long to accept that you wanted to use the term demi, right?
KAYLA: Yeah, well yeah it's just like I'm a serial monogamist like if you listen to this podcast front to back you'll know that, like it's just true and so like from the outside like my deminess doesn't play a huge role in how I actively pursue my personal life because like I'm usually in a long-term relationship so it just like it feels… it feels weird especially if I'm like… I'm someone that wants to like get married and so then it almost feels like a weird thing to have both like an engagement ring or wedding ring and an ace ring like it almost feels like they cancel each other out somehow which isn't true and isn't the point of that ring so yeah I don't I think like I am very much still on my like acceptance journey of myself and probably always will be because that's just how it works so I don't know yeah
SARAH: TLDR is that you know everyone's still on their journey even us
KAYLA: We're all
SARAH: Even us
KAYLA: On a journey
SARAH: We’re all just doing our best um but yeah I mean I don't think like whether or not a person wears an ace ring has any reflects in any way upon how ace they are
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Or like you know like obviously that's not a thing
KAYLA: No, not at all
SARAH: Um, but I think you know if you don't wear an ace ring you're not a lesser ace than other people even if you do identify as asexual like it's just a thing that some people like to have and some people choose not to and uh that's that
KAYLA: Well, yeah you could be like the most confident in your sexuality that anyone has ever been in their life and just like you be like rings aren't my thing like I just don't want to
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I do like the idea though and like I don't think I pay enough attention to anyone's hands to like ever notice if someone around me was wearing one but I think it'd be cool to just be like walking around one day and like spot it and be like… I probably wouldn't go up to them because I don't like talking to strangers
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Or people in general
SARAH: Just spotting it and being like oh
KAYLA: But I would just think it to myself and probably text Sarah
SARAH: Yeah, she would definitely text me
KAYLA: Which is enough, for me, I think
SARAH: That would be enough
KAYLA: That would be enough
SARAH: Yeah, I mean ace rings are cool I'm glad that like we have like some sort of symbol that is grounding for some people uh wear it if you want don't wear it if you don't want, the gift and the curse of ace rings is that not a lot of people outside the community know what it means and…
KAYLA: Yeah, it would be like… it obviously would be like a pro and a con to this but like I'm sure some people would like some symbol where they could just like outwardly be like I'm ace so don't like hit on me or try to like do whatever like I think in some situations it would be nice to be able to have which obviously like isn't a thing for any sexuality that someone can just be like no look at this bracelet I have I'm gay go away from me
SARAH: This is my gay bracelet
KAYLA: This is my gay-slit
SARAH: Go away
KAYLA: But yeah, it's like a… it's nice because it's covert and like only people on the inside are going to know but also if you want a symbol that's going to outwardly be like go away, I don't want to flirt with you then that's not really what you're going to get
SARAH: Then wear a shirt that says go away, I don't want to flirt with you
KAYLA: I… yeah, I mean yes
SARAH: Um, I also think because it is not broadly known outside of aspec communities like it is something that people if they want to wear it they can wear it like even if maybe they're a minor and they're living with people who they're not out to or they're not sure would be receptive to their aceness like it's something that you can wear and you can still have that tangible reminder of your identity physically on you and with you all the time even if the people around you aren't necessarily um accepting or they're… they just don't know like you can still have that with you all the time which I think for some people is a beneficial reminder
KAYLA: Yeah. Like if you're younger and you still live with their parents and they aren't great about it this is something you can be like mom I’m going to Claire’s and I’m buying this and there's no reason that your mom would be like no because I hate your sexuality unless your mom very well and well informed
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't know. But if that's the situation, I’m sorry
SARAH: I’m very sorry
KAYLA: I hope you're doing okay
SARAH: I’ll buy you a ring from Claire’s instead of…
KAYLA: I’ll buy you a ring… oh boy is Claire’s even like around anymore?
SARAH: I don't know
KAYLA: I think they went out of business
SARAH: I think it's still around but it's like on the on the downward decline
KAYLA: Bye Claire’s, the place I got my ears pierced
SARAH: I got my ears pierced at the doctor's because my mom was like, Claire’s is not trustworthy
KAYLA: What? they do that?
SARAH: They do
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Yeah, I mean they don't do like… like it was just a regular ear piercing like if I wanted to get my septum pierced I don't think I could get that pierced at the doctor's office but my mom is like very concerned about like stuff being like sterile and stuff and so when me and my sister got our ears pierced we did it at the doctor and then when my sister got her nose pierced which is not pierced anymore, I don't know my sister has a couple of piercings and now I can't remember what they are, anyway she got it done at like a tattoo place because…
KAYLA: Yeah, that's… I feel like…
SARAH: There's a very sterile environment
KAYLA: Yeah, a lot of tattoo places just do them anyway
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I had a thing and then I forgot
SARAH: Did my sister had her nose pierced? I think she did, I don't know
KAYLA: It's a very gay thing to do. Do you think I would look good with a nose piercing?
SARAH: I never thought about it, I’m trying to picture your face… what does your face look like?
KAYLA: I don't know, I've never actually seen my face because in the mirror it's the wrong way, so
SARAH: That’s so true. No one has ever seen their face unless you're an identical twin
KAYLA: Even then though
SARAH: It's not your face
KAYLA: It's not your face
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: I feel like I really did have something, oh how old… did you have an age where you were allowed to get your ears pierced?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Me too
SARAH: Um, I think I was… when I was in fifth grade I was allowed to
KAYLA: I was allowed to when I was like 12 or 13 and what that did is it made me think I really wanted my ears pierced because it was something that was held from me
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then I got them pierced and I never wear earrings, so
SARAH: I also never wear earrings. Honestly, I was thinking the other day I was like is there even still a hole there? I’m not sure
KAYLA: I don't… sometimes very rarely I’ll wear them for like special fancy occasions and it makes my ears sore because they're so not used to it
SARAH: Oh yeah, I mean when I first got my ears pierced, I did wear earrings I wore those Claire's fucking earrings all the time
KAYLA: Oh, you have, which Claire’s earrings did you have? I remember my starter earrings vividly but like your starter ones the ones that like stayed screwed in for months
SARAH: Oh, I don’t remember. Well, no because I got it at the doctor's office
KAYLA: Oh, okay well I remember vividly like the… because they would put in like the first set of earrings, we had to keep them in for like months and I vividly remember what I had
SARAH: Incredible um, what was I saying?
KAYLA: I think we were trying to wrap this shit up
SARAH: Oh, yeah, my ears just… I have very sensitive skin and uh it got to the point where it was like okay you can only wear earrings that are like… have like gold uh like things and then I was like… so I just stopped
KAYLA: What if… I have a friend who like makes earrings, what if I had her make me demi earrings and then I solved my problem
SARAH: What would the demi earrings look like? Would they look like the triangle on the demi flag?
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: Would they be a physical manifestation of not being sexually attracted to someone until you're romantically attached?
KAYLA: Yeah, it'd actually just be like a little me
SARAH: Oh, just a tiny Kayla
KAYLA: Just a tiny me in my ears
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Can you imagine? I hate it
SARAH: I'm like imagining it as just made out of um like metal because when you said that you have a friend who makes earrings, I also know someone who makes earrings but they're like just like metal like shapes and stuff but now I'm thinking about like if it was if it actually looked like you
KAYLA: No, she makes ones that are more like out of like clay or something like that so they're like big and chunky she made ones that like look like strawberries so it's like flat but it's like clay so it's colored
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, it would literally be like a small me
SARAH: That's alarming
KAYLA: Thank you
[00:40:00]
SARAH: And disturbing
KAYLA: Thanks
SARAH: But you know what? If someone wants to represent their demisexuality by that
KAYLA: Then we're not going to stop you
SARAH: I'm not going to stop you
KAYLA: You want a small you on your ear? that's… listen, moral of this episode really is just like wear what you want
SARAH: No one cares and if they care shove them out the door
KAYLA: If there's one thing, I learned this quarantine it's that I no longer care what I look like, so
SARAH: Yeah, I mean I do a little bit
KAYLA: No, the thing is I do but my body forgets that I do and so I just go outside looking insane
SARAH: Yeah, everyone does, it's just where we're at as a society, except New Zealand
KAYLA: We live in a society
SARAH: We live in a society. do we have any New Zealand listeners who like every time we mention how like I wish I were in New Zealand right now do you understand?
KAYLA: I know we have several Polish listeners
SARAH: That is simply not the same as New Zealand in any way
KAYLA: Well, it is in the sense that it is a country that isn't here
SARAH: Well, we could name a lot of countries in that case
KAYLA: Well then let's do it next episode we just list countries, tune in, Sunday at around 10-ish E.S.T.
SARAH: What's that um… that song that's like Panama… Brazil… yeah, it's the songs that's in so many countries
KAYLA: Oh, the one that’s on… It's on TikTok?
SARAH: I wouldn't know if it's on TikTok, this song is like decades old
KAYLA: Well, I’ve seen it on the TikTok
SARAH: Okay, well, okay. I mean, it's not accurate now because it's decades old but it's mostly accurate uh it's just going to be us singing that song with some minor changes. Um, okay…
KAYLA: The state song?
SARAH: Yeah, the state song slaps, I can go through all the states alphabetically but I have to do it to the same cadence of the song like I don't have to sing it but I have to say it in a way like that is correct and there's one state… I can't remember which one it is now that they pronounce a little bit weird to fit the song and so whenever I like say it, it just sounds a little bit weird
KAYLA: I hate it here
SARAH: Just when I’m reciting all the states, I can do it very quickly, maybe that'll be next week's episode. Um, okay so our poll this week is would you slash do you
KAYLA: Wear an ace ring?
SARAH: And also, if you want to tell people why or why not in the replies go for it
KAYLA: Or if like you have some hot racks of like here's where I got my ace ring and I like it drop… you could drop some links
SARAH: If uh any of our listeners out there make ace rings feel free to plug yourself
KAYLA: That's fun
SARAH: Plug them rings
KAYLA: Do it
SARAH: Do it, all right um Kayla what is your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: Um, I guess we'll do beef first, my beef is that I can't tell if I am physically ill, if I have an iron deficiency, if I am depressed, if it is a time zone thing because I’ve been in California this week visiting step-Dean
SARAH: Not me, step-Dean, it shows who she loves more
KAYLA: You could easily come here if you wanted
SARAH: It's a five-hour drive
KAYLA: Well, then why are you getting mad at me for not visiting you, it's the same five-hour drive for me bitch
SARAH: I’m just saying, you could have made plans to fly out to visit me but no you made plans to fly out and visit step-Dean, very allo of you
KAYLA: I don't…
SARAH: I’m not actually mad, just so you know, so this doesn't get in your head
KAYLA: Well, now I’m never going to visit you ever again…
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: And you're just uninvited from my life, so
SARAH: Oh, I’m uninvited from you visiting me?
KAYLA: Yeah, I’m actually going to visit you but you can't be in your apartment, I’m just going to hang out with James
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: No, yeah, I’m going to come visit you but really I’m visiting James and staying in your bed anyway the point of all this I don't know what my problem is but I am so tired when like… just the most intense fatigue in the world and it's really um just killing my vibes
SARAH: Vibes dead
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: What's your juice?
KAYLA: Oh, my juice uh the weather here is good, it's not as humid, which is nice
SARAH: What is the temperature up in San Francisco?
KAYLA: Let me look, right now it's 64
SARAH: Oh my God that would be so nice. Oh my God, fucking socal
KAYLA: Fucking socal
SARAH: Fucking socal. Uh it's… it's uh… this week though it's not supposed to hit 100 at all, which is great
KAYLA: Oh, well
SARAH: Uh exciting, exciting stuff just uh Sunday 94. Um, anyway my beef is that um my building has fire alarms that like to go off when there's no fire and yesterday it happened thrice in a single day um luckily it was the second one was right after I got out of a work meeting uh but we had to like go outside and then the first time it was like 9 a.m. and the second time it was like 11:30 and different firefighters came and they were like we can't get the thing to turn off but like it's safe so you can go inside and we were like the alarm is still blaring what?
KAYLA: Hello
SARAH: And then it went off the third time but I was like I’m not leaving this fucking building because I know there's not a real fire and so I just put my headphones on and I barricaded myself in my closet
KAYLA: I love that for you
SARAH: My other beef for you is that I worked out and it didn't cure my depression, my juice is uh a beautifully foolish never by hank green I finally started reading it because uh sometimes my brain is just like I want to read this thing or watch this thing and then the other part of my brain is like fuck you no uh…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: So, that was happening for a little while but I finally started it, it's a wild time so far, my other juice is um a person on Animal Crossing named ü my turnips were like 466 bells yesterday and um I had already sold turnips but I was like… oh, man, that’s a great price, so I posted about it on Twitter, some pod listeners came and sold their turnips on my island um and this person named ü it's you with an umlaut um they came four times and they left me tips every time and they left me so many tips that I was able to pay off my basement
KAYLA: How many turnips did they have?
SARAH: Four trips worth
KAYLA: That's insane, that’s insane amount of turnips
SARAH: They left me like a million bells in tips which means… and… which means that the number of bells that they got from selling the turnips, insane uh my other juice is that video of Simone Bile's where she does a round off handspring double lay double tuck off a rod floor and she fucking over rotates like what the hell?
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: Have you seen that video?
KAYLA: I don't know if I have
SARAH: Simone like posted it on twitter she was like I haven't done a double tuck since I was like 13 but… and she literally does round off that handspring, double layout, she hits the ground and then goes straight into a double tuck
KAYLA: Me too
SARAH: My god, anyway that's that. Um, you can tell us about your beef, your joos, you can answer our poll you can sing a song on our social media @soundsfakepod, I don't know how you would sing, I guess you could record a song, I don't know um… don't worry about it. Um, we also have a patreon if you'd like to support us there patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fierro, Dee, Purple Chickadee, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, BookMarvel, Changeling MX, Derrick and Carissa, Simona Simon, Jamie jack, Jessica Shea, Rio Faustino, Daniel Walker, Barefoot Backpacker, Livy, Madeline Askew, Lily, Corinne, Aliceisinspace, Sky Simpson, Brooke Siegel, and Ashley W. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyuncleKevin at underscore… nope at underscore that's just at underscore no she's at @Tessa_m_k, Arcness who'd like to promote the Trevor project, Benjamin Ybarra who'd like to promote Tabletop games, anonymous who’d like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who'd like to promote podcasts from a planet weird, my aunt Jennie who'd like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Cassandra like to promote their modeling Instagram @liddowred, Doug rice who would like to promote Native by Caitlin Curtis and Maggie Capellbo who’d like promote her dog’s Instagram @minniemuffin19, and H. Valdez. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who’d like to promote free mom hugs, only in some places, the rest of them from a distance. Sarah Jones who is @eternallolli everywhere, Dea Chappelle who would like to promote the Underrealm series by Garrett Robinson, Andy A. who likes to promote Being in Unions and the IWW, and what Dragonfly like to promote today, Kayla?
KAYLA: Dragonfly is promoting what I forgot we should have said was happening but we're going to be at the UK asexuality conference
SARAH: Oh yeah, we are
KAYLA: Which is online this year so anyone can go if you go to bit.ly/acecon2020
SARAH: Are there any capitalizations in that?
KAYLA: I don't think so
SARAH: Because I recently learned that with bit.ly's capitalization does matter
KAYLA: That's very annoying, but I think it's all lowercase
SARAH: Okay, yeah, that's a thing, I forgot about that too. Okay, thanks for listening tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
