Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 362: Listener Lore pt. 6
Hey what's up hello! More listener lore m'lord? This week we've got large game, horrifying gifts from crushes, pepper spray, annoying dudebros, and more!
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Listener Lore.’
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. How was everyone's ace week? Okay, for the record, I remembered that it was ace week because someone said something to me like a week and a half prior. And I was like, during this… I was like, “that's aphobia.” And then I was like, “wait, it's October, isn't ace week in October?” So, I googled it and I was like, “oh, it's next week.” So, I texted Kayla, I said, “next week is ace week.”
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Both of us forgot.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And we talked about fucking.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Happens to the best of us.
KAYLA: Hey, asexuality comes in all forms, including fucking.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I think what better way to celebrate ace week than to just continue on as your normal ace self.
SARAH: Exactly. And that's what we were doing.
KAYLA: And we decided… we did it on purpose. Unrelated, as we were just doing the intro, I had a, what's a good word for it?
SARAH: Spasm.
KAYLA: No. I had a moment of like, “oh my God, I have a podcast.”
SARAH: A moment of realization.
KAYLA: Like I kind of like zoomed out a little bit and I saw my setup with my recording and my… Sarah on Zoom on the other thing and my microphone in front of me and my big headphones on and I was like, “oh my God, how embarrassing.” How embarrassing, what is this?
SARAH: It took you what? 360-something episodes to realize?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I was like, “oh my God, what are we doing having a podcast? That's so silly.”
SARAH: We're going to hit 365 soon so you could listen to one every day in a year.
KAYLA: That's fun, I wouldn't.
SARAH: I wouldn't either. Anyway, here's more of speaking us, talking sounds, whoaaaaa!!
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I'm just giving them more content to listen to, the day that they listen to this it is going to be crazy.
KAYLA: Oh, I see.
SARAH: Whatever day this is that they hear this one.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: It's… yeah… Whoa, oh, I have to ask you… I have to instigate…
KAYLA: Yeah. I don’t…
SARAH: I have to kick things off with a really crucial question, which is, ‘Kayla, what are we talking about this week?’
KAYLA: This week we are returning to our listener lore, I think, what episode of listener lore is this?
SARAH: 500.
KAYLA: I want to say six, but… this is listener lore six, I'm a fucking genius.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Oh, wait, I need to look... Okay, I had an update from someone from last week, I have to go get... I wrote it down, I have to go find my notes.
SARAH: Oh no. Okay, while she's gone, let's talk shit. Guys, so did you know that if you look at your phone too much and you're trying to get yourself to look at your phone less, put it on black and white, your brain will fucking hate it, it works too well.
KAYLA: I'm back. I think I said last week what I meant was last listener lore.
SARAH: I told them something while you were gone and you'll never know what it is.
KAYLA: I won't because I won't. I won't.
SARAH: Maybe you'll read it.
KAYLA: Maybe. Probably not though.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: Okay, the note I wrote down for myself was who gave an update in Discord, so now I have to look up.
SARAH: Jesus Christ.
KAYLA: Well, I didn't want to write out the whole thing. How do you search?
SARAH: You should have just taken a screenshot and been like, “it's in your phone.”
KAYLA: Now, wouldn't that have just been something?
SARAH: You know, the thing about doing the thing that I suggested you do when Kayla was gone, that I'm not going to tell her what it is, it takes more steps to achieve than you would think. Like, it wasn't intuitive at all, I had to Google how to do it.
KAYLA: I found it, fuck you.
SARAH: Oh, okay. Harsh.
KAYLA: Okay. Last time, we had C write in about their friend from high school who met her boyfriend online and then they very quickly got married. And the writer was maybe going to witness their wedding and then it just didn't work out, but they got married very quickly and then didn't tell their family right away that they got married.
SARAH: And then they moved to Missouri or something?
KAYLA: And then they moved, then they moved. And we were like, “that's crazy.” I was like, “I'm afraid.” Good news.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, we were wondering if C and the friend were friends from home or from high school, yes.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Okay, long story short, relationship going great.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I think they didn't tell the family exactly when they got married.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: They just said that they were married and let them assume that it was more recent than it was.
SARAH: That it had been recent.
KAYLA: But it was only a month difference that the family would have thought it would be. So, I guess it's not that big of a deal.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then we were wondering the school situation because they were in school, the friend will be doing their last year of community college there, so.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Fine.
SARAH: Okay. Thanks.
KAYLA: So, long story short, don't worry about it.
SARAH: Okay. Thanks.
KAYLA: That was an unhelpful, I feel like I didn't explain any of that well, but it was all very long, so.
SARAH: Not really, but thank you for trying.
KAYLA: TLDR, we had concerns and we needed to be concerned.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Okay, in a stunning turn of events, I actually skimmed some submissions beforehand.
SARAH: Whoa! I was still driving home when she did this.
KAYLA: I know, it's true. I was like, you know what? “I can look from my phone from the couch, it's really maybe an ounce of effort.”
SARAH: Maybe. Incredible.
KAYLA: So, most of the ones I'm reading are from the last couple of months because we got some real juicy ones.
SARAH: Okay. Juice.
KAYLA: This is from Vera, she/her. Okay. So, this is about something I did when I was nine or so, and it gets more hilarious every year because I figured out now that I'm definitely ace and maybe aro too.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, at school we were assigned permanent desk partners and I always sat with this boy because apparently girls sitting with boys was to help with the class discipline. So, nobody would be wilding too much, boooo!
SARAH: Like I know that works, but also, I fucking hate it.
KAYLA: I hate that.
SARAH: And obviously it working is like a generalization, but like…
KAYLA: Well, what I think is not so much the boys being paired with girls, but like the good-behaving kids are often paired with the bad-behaving kids.
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: And then it, unfortunately, yeah, it probably does work, but that... What a burden on the nice child.
SARAH: I know. There was a problematic child in my class in elementary school and her last name was right before mine in the alphabet.
KAYLA: Tough.
SARAH: And so, we were always together and she would like eat Kleenex and stuff
KAYLA: Great, of course
SARAH: And lie about houses burning down.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Anyway, a couple of years ago I Googled her to see where she was.
KAYLA: Jail.
SARAH: Yeah. She had been arrested multiple times.
KAYLA: It's not funny.
SARAH: In a different state.
KAYLA: It's not funny.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: It's not funny.
SARAH: It's a little tough.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: All this to say, I was the good kid. Although there was a kid in fourth grade, there was this kid named David, he and I would just kick each other under the table, I don't know why.
KAYLA: Oh, I mean, sometimes.
SARAH: No, but like that's the only… like, I don't understand.
KAYLA: Oh. I was about to say I got arrested, no, I got sent to the principal's office in like third grade for kicking a boy on the playground. And I was like, “well…”
SARAH: Well, what are you going to do?
KAYLA: You know, sometimes you have to kick a boy. I think, good for me. Anyway.
SARAH: Good for you. I would have never dared to do so on the playground. Apparently, just under the desk at David, I don't understand what was going on. Because like usually people would be like, “Oh, you had a crush on him.” Like I really fucking didn't.
KAYLA: No. Maybe you just had to get some kicks out, you know?
SARAH: I don't know. Continue.
KAYLA: Some wiggles. Okay. Anyway. So, she was sat at the desk with this boy.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I did not really remember him bothering me in any way until one day it was the 14th of February.
SARAH: Ooh, it's Valentine's Day.
KAYLA: Yes. I was an unassuming sweet summer child, minding my business when this boy came up to me during break with people all around the horror and presented me with a gift bag. Would I tell you I was terrified, but I took the gift and brought it home and inside there were three cursed objects.
SARAH: Wait. Okay. Hold on. Do we have any context for how old Vera is?
KAYLA: Nine years old.
SARAH: No, no, no. How long ago this happened? Like how old Vera is now?
KAYLA: Yes, they are 30 now.
SARAH: Okay. Because I was going to say, even when, by the time we were in school, like you couldn't give a gift to someone else on Valentine's Day that you didn't give to every other kid in the class.
KAYLA: I don't remember having specific rules around that. I remember doing Valentine's Day in class and you would bring in one for everyone, but I don't remember there being rules.
SARAH: I remember at least at some point them being like, “if you bring in Valentine's, you have to bring them in for everyone.”
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: Mm, yeah.
SARAH: Which is why I assumed that it was a little bit before us, before they got that woke in school.
KAYLA: Well, also, I guess it was during class. I would say like, then you just don't do it during class, but they did, I don’t know.
SARAH: Right. You would just do it, but like if this happened in class, yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay, here are the three cursed objects.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: A chocolate bar.
SARAH: Okay, cursed.
KAYLA: A card.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: And the worst culprit, a talking plush heart that said, “I love you,” if you pressed on it.
SARAH: No. Noooo.
KAYLA: So, me being me, I had to, one, hide everything so my mom would never find it.
SARAH: Right, because that's shameful.
KAYLA: Right, it's shameful. Two, dispose of everything eventually, because having these in my possession was filling me with too much dread.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So chocolate, I tossed it in the trash bin immediately.
SARAH: You didn't eat it?
KAYLA: I thought it would poison me. She just thought it would poison her. Listen, we’re nine.
SARAH: Great. I mean, I wouldn't have eaten chocolate…
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: Because I didn't eat chocolate, but like, you know, if you like chocolate.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I understand it's poison.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Do you remember what kind of chocolate? Like, was it like a Kit Kat bar? Hershey's?
KAYLA: It just says a bar.
SARAH: Was it like a generic off-brand chocolate bar?
KAYLA: Who is to say?
SARAH: Cadbury.
KAYLA: The other things had to wait for the right moment. When the summer holidays rolled around, so mind you, this was in February, we're waiting until summer holidays.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: I took them to our summer cottage and plotted their ruin. Eventually…
SARAH: Sorry, do we know what the card said? Was it just like, “ooh, I like you” or just…
KAYLA: No. I don't know. I assume it was like a generic Valentine's.
SARAH: Yeah. I wonder if it had a temporary tattoo in it.
KAYLA: Ah, I hope so.
SARAH: Those ones were always the best.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: No. The candy was the best.
SARAH: Oh no. But like the cards that had like temporary tattoos.
KAYLA: Oh, I liked the ones that, you know the little like shifty pictures that they're like kind of like ribbed?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: When you turn them a different way, sometimes they had those, that was fun.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway.
KAYLA: Eventually when I was alone, I burned the card in our fireplace, what a relief.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: When my mom was not looking. And then here comes my favorite part, I went to the farthest part of our garden where the fence was facing a sort of murky swampy pond and I threw the goddamn talking heart into the pound. We love a swamp moment.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: So yeah. Fast forward to now, I'm 30 and acespec and I've never dated, the signs were always there if you think about it. I love the drastic actions that were taken.
SARAH: Vera, when this was handed to you, I assume you just kind of like took it and ran away, but like the next day, did this boy say anything to you?
KAYLA: Yeah. I know that is the… because you have to keep sitting together for the rest of the year, what do you do?
SARAH: Yeah. Do you ask to be moved and when the teacher is like, “why?” You say, “I can't tell you, it's secret and shameful.”
KAYLA: “I can’t tell you, it’s shameful and I'll get poisoned.” I love everything about this story.
SARAH: This boy tried to poison me and annoy me to death with a little heart that talks.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's serious.
SARAH: Do you think the kid bought that with his own money or was he like, “mooooom?”
KAYLA: No, he was nine. Oh, or like his allowance or something?
SARAH: No, like his mom was like, yeah, I'll get you this weird talking-heart to give to your crush so she can throw it in a swamp in six months?
KAYLA: That is the thing is like, that costs money.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know if my nine-year-old was like, I want to… I don't know, what do you say? I guess you… what do you say to that?
SARAH: I don't know, run away screaming.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: Well, I just have this fear though that because Vera just like threw the thing in the swampy pond, like did it resurface like human bones, you know?
KAYLA: Oh, like petrified.
SARAH: No, I just mean like…
KAYLA: But things get all petrified in swamps.
SARAH: Yeah, but like did someone like find it like three days later and is like, “whoa, this is funny.” And then like Vera was like traumatized again, you know?
KAYLA: It's a great question.
SARAH: It's like when people dispose of bodies in bodies of water
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You gotta like put some fucking rocks on that shit.
KAYLA: That's true.
SARAH: Because it can come right back up to the surface and now you're in an episode of NCIS.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Anyway, this next one is from Cornbread, she/they
SARAH: Cornbread
KAYLA: A strong start here.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: How I accidentally pepper sprayed myself twice without realizing it.
SARAH: How I… sorry, say that again. I was Googling what NCIS stood for.
KAYLA: I...
SARAH: Cornbread.
KAYLA: The national criminal… no, the Navy criminal investigation.
SARAH: Naval Criminal Investigative Service. My brain kept saying Crime Scene Investigators, but that's CSI.
KAYLA: No. The same way that The Middle may have been formative for you as a child, NCIS was formative for me, I'm not kidding, we watched a lot of NCIS.
SARAH: Okay. Well, we talked about The Middle thing before we started recording the podcast.
KAYLA: Oh. We did.
SARAH: We did.
KAYLA: Okay. Well, news for everyone, The Middle was very formative for Sarah as a child.
SARAH: Not even as a child, I was like in like middle school by that time.
KAYLA: Okay, well.
SARAH: My family would watch it, it's very representative of who we are as midwesterners. Anyway. It used to come on ABC.
KAYLA: Okay. Are you listening now?
SARAH: I'm listening so hard.
KAYLA: I wish I could like lock down your computer when I'm the one like driving episodes because it's honestly crazy.
SARAH: I'm listening so hard, you wouldn't believe it.
KAYLA: Okay. Here's the title.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: ‘How I accidentally pepper sprayed myself twice without realizing it.’
SARAH: How do you not realize that?
KAYLA: Well, I have to assume we're about to find out.
SARAH: Okay. At the end of this, remind me to tell you about the girl who's allergic to pepper.
KAYLA: Okay. I also don't know if there's anything in this that will help you guess where this person is from, but they did tell me the state in case you wanted to guess.
SARAH: Well, I was already going to say United States because Cornbread.
KAYLA: Well, we're one step closer.
SARAH: It's not the West coast.
KAYLA: You haven't heard any of the story.
SARAH: Their name is Cornbread.
KAYLA: All right. Shall I begin?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I was about to go to college and like any reasonable five-foot-one person with no fighting experience, I decided to get pepper spray, fair. So, I ordered two pepper spray things, one backup and one for my purse. I put the one that was going to be in my purse on my desk while I waited to figure out how to best attach it. I went out of town for a few days and when I came back, the pepper spray canister was kind of shiny. I picked it up, but it seemed normal, so I didn't think much of it. A few minutes later, my eye was bothering me a little, so I rubbed it and then everything was pain.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: I ran to the bathroom, tried to flush the eye with saline. How? You just have saline in your house?
SARAH: You just have saline?
KAYLA: It's crazy. Y'all just have that?
SARAH: Wild.
KAYLA: Good for you, I guess. And when that didn't help, I just held it under cool running water. Hot water, as it turns out, makes everything worse. Okay, yeah. After about 15 minutes, the pain had started to die down. I told my mom that my eye had just suddenly started burning and she said, if it happened again, we would go to urgent care. Oh, so she doesn't realize what she did.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Cringe. Well, I went back to my room and decided to start an art project. I cleared off my desk and was sketching when my other eye started bothering me. And as the incredible smart person I am, I rubbed my eye. Pain again. Not as bad this time, but very much not pleasant. I did the same cold running water thing and that helped. And then I went to my mom who said, since I'd rubbed my eye both times, I should probably take a shower and wipe down my phone just in case before resorting to getting medical care. That's really funny to me because like that is the correct answer in this circumstance, but also kind of crazy to not be like, “hey, let's go to the doctor.”
SARAH: But I think the mom is very… it's very apt for her to be like, the fact that this happened twice and the exact same thing in the other eye leads me to believe it's user error.
KAYLA: That's true, you're the problem. Yeah, that's fair. So, I did all that and nothing happened for a bit. And I was walking past my brother who had heard about what happened and jokingly asked if I pepper sprayed myself. I immediately turned around and walked back into my room because of course it was the fucking pepper spray, the canister that leaked. What!? And I noticed the difference but didn't think to maybe connect that with the pain. I got pepper spray in my eyes twice without figuring out what it was, this bodes well for living on my own. They said, I used a plastic bag to throw away the pepper spray. I didn't throw away the backup pepper spray, but will be monitoring it closely to prevent further incidents. You should like report to wherever you bought that from that it leaked because that is so not okay and dangerous.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's very silly.
SARAH: I was watching/listening to a Jean-Marc Carisse crowd work…
KAYLA: You’re so silly
SARAH: Video on YouTube while I was making dinner the other day. And this girl, he was talking to this girl and she was like, “oh, I moved out here…” I think it was, it was either New York or LA, either way, one of the entertainment places. And was like, “oh yeah, I've been here a month.” And she was like, “it hasn't happened yet.” And he was like, “okay, well, you've been here a month, calm the fuck down.” And he was like, “so did you go to college for musical theater?” And she was like, “yeah.” And he was like, “where?” And she was like, “well, I didn't go to the known school in Michigan, but I went to another school.”
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I was immediately like, ooh, so the known school for musical theater in Michigan is Michigan.
KAYLA: Is Michigan, yeah.
SARAH: And I was like… but then I was like, what's the other school?
KAYLA: I know some people that went to State for musical theater.
SARAH: It's not State.
KAYLA: I can’t wait
SARAH: So, the conversation continues and he was like, okay, well, like what, you know, if this entertainment thing, she's an actor, so he was like, if this entertainment thing doesn't work, like what would you want to do? And she was like, “well, I would like to work in the restaurant industry, but I'm allergic to pepper.” And he says, “what!?” And she says, “yes, I'm allergic to pepper, all types of pepper.”
KAYLA: That's really tough.
SARAH: And he was like, “how did you find this out?” And she was like, “well, when I was in elementary school…” she was like, “I don't know if this is just a Michigan thing, but my school went on an overnight trip into the woods” and he was like, “that sounds like a Michigan thing.” And she was like, “yeah. And my classmate, her mom had packed her a really nice traditional Indian food.” And you know, she like opened it and ate it. “And then I passed out and I woke up in an emergency room.”
KAYLA: Oh my God, that's crazy.
SARAH: So, she's allergic to all pepper, which made me think of this. But the other thing is eventually…
KAYLA: How does she… I guess you just don't eat out. Like what do you do?
SARAH: I guess. Because it seems like a pretty severe allergy. Like it's not like an inconvenience.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But then they came back around to where she went to college and he was like, well, what is the name of where you went to college? And she goes, “Oakland University.”
KAYLA: Ah. I also know someone that went there for theater, actually.
SARAH: Oakland University is the school that… like that's where I took my ACTs. Like it's like…
KAYLA: Right there.
SARAH: It's very close to where I grew up. And it's a lovely school. It was my…
KAYLA: It is not a theater school.
SARAH: It was my backup to my backup. I would have lived at home. But it's not a theater school.
KAYLA: Noooo
SARAH: But when she said Oakland, I was like, “oh my God, go Golden Grizzlies.”
KAYLA: Go go.
SARAH: I have a master's degree from Oakland.
KAYLA: And I have one from Purdue.
SARAH: Look at us girl.
KAYLA: Look at us.
SARAH: Life starts at birth unless you're us.
KAYLA: Well, no, because mine, I went to preschool at Purdue's preschool, you were in your mom's tummy.
SARAH: I was a fetus
KAYLA: Yeah. So, one of us was actually alive and one of us was a fetus.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: When my dad was getting his master's degree at Purdue, I went to like the Purdue daycare that like students and faculty kids go to or whatever.
SARAH: Well, I have a master's of education.
KAYLA: I have a master's of engineering.
SARAH: That was the pepper story, it's not that good. And it was like a story that I heard on a crowd where... But I just thought of it because of pepper and also…
KAYLA: I feel bad for this woman because I don't think you can safely eat out even at like a McDonald's, because what if?
SARAH: What if? Yeah, that's tough.
KAYLA: I don't like that.
SARAH: And like there are many other things you can season your food with, but pepper is just such a staple that it's almost impossible to guarantee that it's not in any food that is served to you
KAYLA: I know. Like cooking yourself, I think you could hopefully be safe, but yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Speaking of safe things, there was a Seventeen concert last night, and someone at this show offered Mingyu a shot, and he just took it.
KAYLA: No, you're not supposed to do that.
SARAH: To be fair, you're not. It was very silly. To be fair, it was in the concert situation, the only drinks that are there were ones that were purchased in the venue.
KAYLA: You can bring in poison in a non-drink fashion.
SARAH: I know. He was too trusting, but he did take the shot, and he's not dead, so.
KAYLA: That's good for him, but he shouldn't have done that.
SARAH: Security helped the girl hand it to him.
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: I was like, “that's crazy.”
KAYLA: Speaking of security at concerts, and then we'll go back to the topic at hand, I saw a really funny video of a security guy at the Renee Rapp concert, one that was along the pit, and it was the part of ‘Poison Poison’ where everyone is screaming like, “fuck you, you dumb bitch. Fuck you.” Everyone in the crowd is just screaming, and the security guy was like…
SARAH: “Fuck me?”
KAYLA: He wasn't even scared. He was just like, “mm”
SARAH: “Oh, impressed.”
KAYLA: Just…
SARAH: Curious.
KAYLA: Yeah, curious, perhaps. Just… yeah.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: Another?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: This is from Oliver. He/him. Oliver says, I have two stories, and they're completely different. Okay, ready? These really are so different. I love them.
SARAH: I'm ready.
KAYLA: Okay. Oliver says, I met another trans guy at gay prom.
SARAH: You know, when you said Oliver, I was going to say, that sounds like a trans man.
KAYLA: Why would you say that? Does it? You know a lot of trans men named Oliver?
SARAH: I feel like Oliver is kind of a common name for trans men to pick.
KAYLA: Really? I mean, it's a good name. Solid.
SARAH: It is a good name. I don't mean to make fun of your name. I think it's a good name. But I was just like, oh, I bet that's a trans man.
KAYLA: I don't know that I would have had that same… But I also live in Somerville, which is like… or I live next… I live near Somerville in Massachusetts, which is like a huge queer hub. Like polyamory is like the most common anywhere here.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, the trans names here, I'll just say aren't Oliver, is what I would say.
SARAH: Fern?
KAYLA: Perhaps. I've not actually met anyone, but from what I understand, we're not picking Oliver around here.
SARAH: Okay. We're picking like more obscure?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah. Anyway.
SARAH: Like Fern would be tame.
KAYLA: No, I don't think so. I just think maybe like between Oliver and Fern.
SARAH: Okay. Betwixt them.
KAYLA: Betwixt.
SARAH: We support all of your names unless they're like offensive.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: For the record.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I just want to say that we support all names. If it's Oliver, if it's Fern, all of them are great names.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: They just might be a little more common. And that's okay, because my name is Sarah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay?
KAYLA: So, you really can't talk.
SARAH: It's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Continue.
KAYLA: Okay. So, he met another trans guy at gay prom. We'll call him Sam.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I have a crush on him, but he's in love with… and get this bitch. He's in love with his straight best friend who we'll call Ben, sad, who is dating Sam's twin sister.
SARAH: Oh, that's brutal.
KAYLA: Tragic. Tragic.
SARAH: It's like best friend's brother, but like way worse.
KAYLA: Way worse, that's your twin.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And the guy likes your twin instead of you.
SARAH: Oh, that's crazy.
KAYLA: Okay, his sister, who I've heard about from mutual friends, I've never met her in person, is really toxic to both Sam, the boyfriend… no, Sam…
SARAH: Yeah, the boyfriend
KAYLA: No, Ben the boyfriend
SARAH: Oh, Ben, the boyfriend and Sam
KAYLA: And Sam, her brother
SARAH: The crushy.
KAYLA: Who we have a crush on.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And has also accused another girl in their friend group who I've become friends with through Sam of hitting on Ben. She also knows that Sam is in love with Ben and flaunts it in his face all the time. Her only brother, by the way.
SARAH: Her twin?
KAYLA: Her twin, her twin. I'm not super torn up about the fact that Sam doesn't like me back because I find friendship just as if not more valuable than romantic relationships, slay
SARAH: Tea
KAYLA: But it pisses me off that Sam's sister treats him the way she does, especially since he's an incredibly kind person, that is fucked up, your twin?
SARAH: How did they end up so different?
KAYLA: I don't know. Well, I guess Sam is trans, so maybe they were identical and now they're not. And so maybe she's sad they're not identical anymore.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: No, I don't think that's anything.
SARAH: I know someone who has a twin and their twin is trans. Isn't that fun? It is fun.
KAYLA: It's fun.
SARAH: It's fun.
KAYLA: I hope it's not these people.
SARAH: It's not.
KAYLA: That’s good.
SARAH: Their names are not Ben…
KAYLA: Well, these are fake names.
SARAH: I believe the genders are wrong anyway.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I actually know for a fact the genders are wrong anyway.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: So
KAYLA: The second story that Oliver has is about his brother, Oliver's brother
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: And I will redact the state that is mentioned that this happened in and then you can guess.
SARAH: Okay. Okay. Okay.
KAYLA: Oh, you never guessed where the pepper spray one happened based on absolutely no clues.
SARAH: Virginia.
KAYLA: Colorado.
SARAH: Oh, that would make sense.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: I just like feel like Colorado is the kind of place where you have pepper spray. Like you have pepper spray anywhere, but like in Colorado, it could be useful for a man or a bear, you know?
KAYLA: Or a bear, I was thinking that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Speaking of bear.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: My brother works for the National Park Service, so he spends a lot of time in remote areas.
SARAH: Wyoming.
KAYLA: One time where he was working out in blank state, he hit a bear with a Honda Fit and then when he got it repaired from hitting a bear, he hit a deer with it and then he had to get a new car.
SARAH: I was going to say, I don't think a car can withstand both of those things.
KAYLA: Wait, hold on, I'm not done.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: He gets this new car due to his other car getting totaled by large game, and then he hits an elk with it. And Oliver ends with, “just thought everyone should know.”
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: I’m gonna look at this, Honda Fit, I would not want to hit a deer or a bear in this, that is a small car.
SARAH: It's also known as a Honda Jazz.
KAYLA: That's silly.
SARAH: It's a small car manufactured and marketed by Honda since 2001.
KAYLA: It's also very pointy-shaped, it really slopes down to a point at the front. So that would make it very interesting to hit something.
SARAH: For context, they have this car pretty much everywhere in the world, which is really proof that it's a small car because for it to be in both the United States and elsewhere. In the UK, it's considered a supermini. In the United States, it's called a subcompact car, and in Australia, it's called a light car. I don't know why we all have different classifications, but…
KAYLA: Oh, of course, of course
SARAH: Okay. Do we know what kind of bear?
KAYLA: It does not say.
SARAH: And did he hit all of these things or did they hit him?
KAYLA: It says he hit a bear, he hit a deer, and then hit an elk. So, the wording is that he hit it, but I guess you never do know.
SARAH: It's not necessarily his fault that he hit it.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Because I have the most experience with hitting deer. I personally have never hit a deer, but I am from a suburban area in Michigan that has the highest number of deer accidents per capita.
KAYLA: I know you hate deer. Sarah hates deer, she hates them.
SARAH: I don't like deer. My backyard growing up was a deer highway. They would rub their horns on our trees and kill our trees, and they would eat the crab apples and scare the dog if the dog could see them. She doesn't see them unless they move.
KAYLA: Right. Of course.
SARAH: And now she doesn't see them at all because her eyes don't really work.
KAYLA: She’s blind.
SARAH: Anyway, but like if you hit a deer, if you hit a buck, even if you're only going 35-40 miles an hour…
KAYLA: You could die
SARAH: Yeah. You could have… I've seen doors that are completely caved in, indented completely.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like there's always however many deaths from deer car accidents. That's why they have signs that always say, “don't veer for deer” because it is better to hit a deer than to swerve into another car.
KAYLA: Yeah, both bad, but…
SARAH: Both bad, but. But like that in and of itself is bad enough. A bear is likely heavier than a deer.
KAYLA: Yeah, I cannot fathom running into a deer. But that's the thing, is hitting the bear did not total his car.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: He got it fixed after that, and then the deer totaled it.
SARAH: So… I don't want a reindeer's running speed, I want a… yeah, a white-tailed deer, okay, so they can run up to 30 miles an hour, I don't know what that is in kilometers, just guess.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And they are between, in the summer, a female is 100 pounds, a male is 150 pounds. Pretty compact actually.
KAYLA: Actually wait, yeah.
SARAH: But they can move pretty fast, so if you collide like that's a problem.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Let's say it was a brown bear. A brown bear can go up to 35 miles an hour.
KAYLA: Well, you know, if you guessed where this took place, you might be able to decide which bear it probably was.
SARAH: Wyoming, Alaska, Colorado.
KAYLA: I'm going to need a real one guess.
SARAH: Well, my first guess was Wyoming.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Alaska.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Colorado.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Why didn't you just say no to all of those?
KAYLA: I don't know, it was Michigan.
SARAH: It was in Michigan?
KAYLA: It was in Michigan. At least the bear was, I guess it's not…
SARAH: The bear was
KAYLA: At the very least, the bear was, if not all three, I'm not sure.
SARAH: Okay. That's so silly. Okay, so it was a grizzly bear. What kind of bear do we have here?
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: Brown bear? Black bear? Bears in Michigan.
KAYLA: I have absolutely no idea. I just know that when you go camping, you have to put your food in the bear box or the bears will come.
SARAH: Okay. It's only black bears, I lied.
KAYLA: Well, there you go.
SARAH: I don't know why I thought grizzly bears, I've never seen a grizzly bear in my life, why would I think that they have… Anyway, okay. So, a black bear. Okay. Michigan only has black bears. So, we're going to look up black bear speed. A black bear can go up to 35 miles an hour. A black bear, a female can be 90 to 300 pounds.
KAYLA: Oh, what a range.
SARAH: A man can be 130 to 500 pounds.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: We must have clipped the black bear and we collided with the deer.
KAYLA: Collided with the deer and the elk. We don't know what the elk did to the car, I don't know if it was totaled or not, it doesn't say.
SARAH: Elk speed, elk can go up to 45 miles.
KAYLA: Elk are pretty big too.
SARAH: They are
KAYLA: In the scheme of like…
SARAH: I'm getting there.
KAYLA: Okay!
SARAH: Elk can go up to 45 miles an hour
KAYLA: Fast
SARAH: And they… a female elk is 500 to 530 pounds.
KAYLA: Oh my God!
SARAH: That's a really small range. And a male can be 710 to 730 pounds. At their shoulder, a female elk is 4.3 feet tall, a male elk is 4.93 tall. Unless you're from a place with moose, I want you to picture how big you think a moose is, that's actually how big an elk is. A moose is like twice as big.
KAYLA: A moose is bigger. Moose are so scary. I want to see one really bad, but they're scary.
SARAH: Elk are, they're moose, they're in your brain moose size and then moose are fucking huge.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: According to this, here's a size comparison. Elk versus human versus moose versus horse versus white tail deer.
KAYLA: Thank God.
SARAH: They're not clearly labeled. I'm going to have to use my brain. Here it shows an elk being a little bit smaller than a horse. And when I say horse…
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Well, like height and size-wise, weight-wise, more.
KAYLA: Okay. All right.
SARAH: And when I say horse, I mean like your standard, like not like an Icelandic horse because those are basically ponies.
KAYLA: Your average spirit the stallion horse.
SARAH: Right. Elk is a type of deer. Moose versus elk size. Horse versus elk size. White tail deer, well, that's a baby white tail deer. Anyway, that's wild, literally.
KAYLA: Literally
SARAH: And I… Yeah, I really want to know what happened to the second car. Like did the second car get totaled? Like did we have to buy, like, does your car insurance cover that? Like if you have gotten into a… if you have a storied history of hitting wild animals, like does your insurance go up?
KAYLA: That's actually a great question because like…
SARAH: Was your car insured in Michigan because Michigan has no-fault insurance, like you have to have no-fault insurance in Michigan, which is unusual. And so, Michigan car insurance tends to be quite expensive. So…
KAYLA: It is not clear whether this person works, like lives in Michigan or was just there for like work.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Because they work for National Park Services, I don't know.
SARAH: That's so silly.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Not that the no-fault insurance would really matter in this case because like you can't make an elk pay you for damages.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But… anyway
KAYLA: I mean, I have to imagine that your insurance would go up no matter what, even if it like was the elk's fault.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean, because you got a bear, a deer and an elk.
KAYLA: And an elk. It's just like how, just how?
SARAH: Like what's next? A fucking moose?
KAYLA: Maybe?
SARAH: A mammoth?
KAYLA: Okay. Should we do one more?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. The person, she/her pronouns, says, come up with a name for me, make it as ridiculous, cursed as you want.
SARAH: Felicianelita.
KAYLA: Felicianelita?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. So, this is the story of how Felicianelita accidentally came out as ace to a good majority of my workplace to spite a dude bro TM.
SARAH: Oh. Okay.
KAYLA: I say accidentally not because I wasn't ready, but because it was the first time I said the word asexual out loud in reference to myself, LMAO.
SARAH: Ooh
KAYLA: So, like a true coming out. So, it was December, 2022 and me and my coworkers, coworkers were out for drinks at an outdoor beer garden.
SARAH: Sorry. When was it?
KAYLA: December, 2022.
SARAH: Okay. For some reason, my head heard 1972.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And that's very different.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Continue.
KAYLA: So, they're out in an outdoor beer garden and it says, “we live in a very warm state. Sarah can try to guess if she wants,” but I don't think they end up telling what the state is in the end. So, you could guess, but I don't have an answer for you.
SARAH: I think it's like really muggy Georgia.
KAYLA: Interesting. Okay.
SARAH: I need to close this tab. It's telling me what to do if I encounter a black bear.
KAYLA: Yeah. I wish you would just close all your tabs maybe. Wouldn't that be something?
SARAH: Hey, if you encounter a black bear fight, throw things at them.
KAYLA: What? No, I'm not doing that.
SARAH: Grizzly bear, lay dead, play dead
KAYLA: I don't know the difference. I can't…
SARAH: Grizzly bears are brown and I think they’re bigger.
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: I cannot go around carrying pictures of bears in my wallet just to like pull out on one of those big, like long strings of photos just to be like, “hmm, which bear is it? What do I do?”
SARAH: “Who are you?”
KAYLA: No, I'll just die, and that's fine.
SARAH: Okay. I don't know why you're supposed to… why are you supposed to fight?
KAYLA: Ma'am? I'm trying to end the episode.
SARAH: I want to know, okay, keep going. Beer garden…
KAYLA: No, because you're not listening. Ma'am!
SARAH: Beer garden in muggy Georgia.
KAYLA: For context, what are you looking at?
SARAH: Nothing.
KAYLA: I don't trust you. For context, we're all ballet dancers... She's shielding her eyes. Okay. Context, we're all ballet dancers and therefore quite a bit closer than one might normally think of coworkers being and a lot of us are very physically affectionate. We're all sitting around a fire pit, okay, so, warm, but not too warm to have a fire pit.
SARAH: Anywhere can have a fire pit.
KAYLA: Whatever. And I'm hanging with my friend.
SARAH: Except Southern California.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true. Don't do that there. Don't do that. Okay. She's hanging out with her friends M, he/him, and T, any pronouns, but is presenting femme at this moment.
SARAH: Are they in a place that has a ballet company?
KAYLA: I would assume so.
SARAH: Is the place that they are in where the ballet company is? I guess that would make sense.
KAYLA: I have no idea.
SARAH: Anyway, I just wanted to…
KAYLA: But I would guess so.
SARAH: Okay. Continue.
KAYLA: Importantly, there's nothing romantic between us and M is in a happy and stable hetero relationship with someone else. The three of us are being pretty cuddly. Like I've got my head on M's shoulder and he's got his arm around T, because we're friends.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I added that. Note that. Enter dude bro who comes over to warm his hands by the fire pit uninvited. Uninvited.
SARAH: Uninvited
KAYLA: How dare he!? He makes some conversation with the group. Seems fairly normal. And then looks at M and says, “damn, what a player.” Because M is the male-presenting one.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: T, without missing a beat, is like, “well, I'm gay, so.” And without thinking, I go, “and I'm asexual.” Dude bro looks vaguely alarmed and beats a rather hasty retreat for the fire pit. Which also, like, how could you be so… like, you're… sorry, but you're all ballet dancers. Like, some of you are going to be queer, I feel.
SARAH: Well, but dude bro is not a ballet dancer, dude bro is just a guy at the beer garden.
KAYLA: Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. No, you're right.
SARAH: Dude bro doesn’t know their dynamics
KAYLA: For some reason I thought that it was like only all the ballet people here.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: But no, you're right. Okay, that makes more sense why he was uninvited. All right. So, he leaves. At which point I realize the rest of the company is sort of staring. So, they are in a company. Thankfully, no one made a big deal out of it. And if anyone said anything, it was supportive, at least in the moment. The most notable reaction was a couple weeks later when my least favorite coworker asked, completely unironically, how it was possible that I didn't have a sex drive when I'm a Scorpio, and whether it was possible that my parents lied about my birthday.
SARAH: Of all the reactions to have? That's so funny.
KAYLA: And someone that you're clearly not close to, your least favorite coworker, and not in a fun... Because there's one thing if that's your friend, and they're like, “ha ha ha.” But no. Lied? Hey.
SARAH: Do you think…
KAYLA: Do you think you parents lied about your birthday because of your zodiac sign?
SARAH: Do you think my parents lied about me being a Libra?
KAYLA: I think they did, because Libras are supposed to be all sex too.
SARAH: But I'm like, I'm solidly a Libra. Like I'm not on the border.
KAYLA: Yeah, you're like in the middle. So, they end by saying, so yeah, this is my cuddling can in fact be completely platonic PSA.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: So, there you have it.
SARAH: That's nice. It could be Houston. Houston has a fairly warm ballet.
KAYLA: A ballet?
SARAH: Yeah, I'm looking up like...
KAYLA: Places with a ballet?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Warm places with a ballet
SARAH: Yeah. So many of them are in New York.
KAYLA: Huh!
SARAH: Because New York has... This is like the best one, supposedly. American Ballet Theatre, New York City Ballet, and Alvin Ailey are all in the top nine.
KAYLA: That makes sense, I feel. We have a ballet here, but it's not warm here. So, I doubt it's here.
SARAH: This list ranks companies by the size of their operating budget. Oh, it won't let me go, it won't let me go.
KAYLA: It doesn't want you to have that privileged information.
SARAH: Oh, this person copied and pasted it. Cincinnati Ballet has a decent size, operating budget, Kansas City, Sarasota Ballet of Florida.
KAYLA: That could be it.
SARAH: Could be it.
KAYLA: But again, yes, anywhere can have a fire pit, but the dude bro came up to the fire pit to warm his hands.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Cold enough to warm your hands.
SARAH: I just saw Ballet Arizona.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: Now, Arizona gets very hot, but it gets cold at night.
KAYLA: And it's December, so is that your final guess?
SARAH: Is that a dance theater? I don't know. They didn't say, did they? So, I don't have to have a final guess, you can't make me.
KAYLA: Okay, well.
SARAH: Detroit doesn't have a ballet.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: I don't think so.
KAYLA: You know what Detroit does have now? A Frita Batidos
SARAH: Oh, cool.
KAYLA: I mean, there's like the Detroit Opera House, which is where ballet stuff happens, but who does them?
SARAH: Who does them? Detroitballet.org. But are you… Detroit Ballet Birmingham Dance Academy? Birmingham is not fucking Detroit. Birmingham could not be further from Detroit. I mean, not physically, but emotionally, vibe-wise.
KAYLA: Spiritually.
SARAH: Spiritually. Anyway, let's stop this.
KAYLA: Great. That was our lore. If you want to submit lore or updates on if we read your lore today, I'll put a link in the description of this episode.
SARAH: Yeeh
KAYLA: And you too can submit your lore.
SARAH: Cool. Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: What would you have done with the gifts that the person was given for their nine-year-old Valentine's Day?
SARAH: I would have taken the heart, this talking heart, and just ate it in front of him.
KAYLA: Right. That makes sense. Or another poll could be, have you had a similar reaction to someone showing you like…
SARAH: A visceral reaction.
KAYLA: I mean, I know you have.
SARAH: Have I?
KAYLA: Well, your equivalent story would be when you were asked out in high school and you just ignored the person.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Instead of like...
SARAH: I eventually was very passive-aggressive.
KAYLA: Right. And that's great.
SARAH: Anyway. Great. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My juice is that over the weekend I had girly time with some of my girly friends.
SARAH: Girly time.
KAYLA: And it was just very sweet.
SARAH: Yay.
KAYLA: Sweet girl time. And my, I guess it's like a gravy kind of, but last week I shipped my engagement ring… Wow, Sarah is making some expressions.
SARAH: I was yawning.
KAYLA: That was a very passionate...
SARAH: And I made it weird.
KAYLA: Passionate yawn.
SARAH: Kind of turned into a chipmunk at the end.
KAYLA: It did, yeah. Anyway, last week I shipped my engagement ring back to where it was born to be resized.
SARAH: To the homeland.
KAYLA: And that was scary, it was scary. But it made it, and now it's on its way back. But I have to sign for the package. So, I've been trying to plan my work week around that. And so usually it's supposed to… it said, first of all, first it said it was coming on Wednesday. And then it said, “just kidding, Friday.” And I was like, oh, usually I go into work on Fridays, but I'll just switch it. And I'll work from home that day and I'll go into the office on Thursday. So, as I was leaving the office today, I was like, “okay, I'm going to leave my work laptop because I'm going to come back tomorrow. And I really probably shouldn't, because what if it changes? But I'm going to do it anyway.” And now the thing is saying it might come tomorrow.
SARAH: Hehe.
KAYLA: But knowing it, it'll say that and then not. And then…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean, I guess the good news is my boss said it was fine if I worked from home both days.
SARAH: Hell yeah.
KAYLA: To like make it work. Because she was like, “yeah, that's really scary.” Like when I told her what the package was, she was like, “oh my God.” She was like, afraid.
SARAH: Yeah, that's fair.
KAYLA: But I'm just like, it's very annoying. Because you know what's going to happen? Is they're going to look at my apartment building, make no effort to contact me at all. And then say, “oh, we couldn't do this.” Like, do I have to sit in front of my building all day? Do you think? I should just like sit there? Because like I live in a building, so you have to like walk in and then you would go to my door.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But there… should I just… you know?
SARAH: I don't know, man.
KAYLA: Hopefully by the time you're listening to this, I have it. But also, probably not. I don’t know.
SARAH: I mean, if you're not there when they first do it, will they try again the next day? Who is the carrier?
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: FedEx.
SARAH: Okay. FedEx is a little...
KAYLA: I know. I think they would either try again or what I would just prefer is them to give it to a FedEx location and I could just go and pick it up.
SARAH: Go and get it.
KAYLA: At my leisure.
SARAH: But usually, you can't do that until like however much time later. And then you're just like waiting for it to show.
KAYLA: Well, I would just rather them do that.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, we'll see. I'll check right now when it says it's going to get here.
SARAH: Okay. While you're doing that, my beef is that it's fall time, which is great, but here fall doesn't exist. And I keep being like, “ooh, it's only going to be 79 today.”
KAYLA: That's so sad.
SARAH: And then I'm like, “I'm going to wear a sweater.” And then in the morning I go to get dressed and I'm like, “it's too fucking hot for a sweater.” And then I can't, and then it's sad, that's my beef. My juice is I got a Halloween costume for my child.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: It's very silly. You’ll see it, I'll put it on my social media, but I will also try to remember to put it in the Discord.
KAYLA: That's very nice of you.
SARAH: I'm very thoughtful.
KAYLA: I just looked and apparently two… no, three minutes ago, my package departed the FedEx facility in Middletown, Connecticut.
SARAH: Do you think it's going to make it?
KAYLA: I don't live in Connecticut
SARAH: No, you don’t
KAYLA: And they're claiming it's going to get here between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. tomorrow.
SARAH: But Connecticut is not that far from you.
KAYLA: It's not. But like when I tell you, things will be like out for delivery at 9 a.m. and will not get to me until like 5 p.m. And that's just in my city.
SARAH: Because you're just at the end of the day of the deliveries.
KAYLA: Right. But if you're telling me you have to get here and then? No.
SARAH: Yeah. If it arrives at midnight, the person…
KAYLA: Well, it's midnight right now. So, they’re leaving Connecticut right now
SARAH: If it arrives at 3 a.m…
KAYLA: I just don't trust these bitches.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I'm just mad because I can do my work from my personal laptop, it's not that big of a deal, it's just inconvenient.
SARAH: Here we are.
KAYLA: And so, I'm just annoyed.
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your thoughts on bears, on our social media…
KAYLA: If you work at FedEx, I'm sorry, but be better.
SARAH: Listen, FedEx to me has been like, they've left a thing that has been like, “tomorrow.” And then you like look up the number and it's like, “I'm in Afghanistan.” And it's like, “how did you end up there?”
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah.
SARAH: It’s like, what are you doing there? That's not where you're supposed to be. Anyway, okay. We also have a Patreon if you want to support us there, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Rachel, Rebekah Monnin, Rick Turpin, SammyO, and Scott Ainslie. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Alastor, who would like to promote the podcast ‘Shadows and Shenanigans,’ Ani, who would like to promote the importance of being kind to yourself and others, Arcnes, who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra, who would like to promote Tabletop Games, and Clare Olsen, who would like to promote Impact_Frame. Our other $10 patrons are Danielle Hutchinson, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Johanna, Kayla's Dad, KELLER bradley, Maff, Martin Chiesl, Purple Hayes, Quartertone, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, and Val. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla's aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Changeling & Alex, who would like to promote their company, Control alt Access and Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom, and River, who would like to promote that you're supposed to fight back against the black bear if it attacks you because the attack is likely predatory, meaning the bear sees you as prey, and playing dead would not be effective, as it is with grizzly bears. So, unlike an offensive attack from a brown bear, where playing dead is recommended, a predatory black bear attack requires you to be aggressive and fight back to show the bear that you are not easy prey. So, jot that down.
KAYLA: Again, I'm not going to remember all that.
SARAH: It's like the earthquake thing, where it's like, you're either supposed to go in a door frame or you're not, but I can't remember which.
KAYLA: Or you're not supposed to, yeah.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
