Sounds Fake But Okay
Sounds Fake But Okay
Ep 377: Dating Tips for the "Libido Crisis"
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Hey what's up hello! This week we learn that there's apparently a libido crisis going on. News to us. We read what Them has to say about the crisis and rate their 69 dating and sex tips that are supposed to "help us navigate love and sex during decidedly unsexy times." Much to unpack.
Episode Transcript: www.soundsfakepod.com/transcripts/dating-tips-for-the-libido-crisis
Sources:
https://www.them.us/story/libido-crisis-dating-sex-in-real-life
https://www.them.us/story/69-hard-and-fast-rules-for-dating-in-real-life
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SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode: Love and Sex Tips for Unsexy Times.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hello!
SARAH: Hi, everyone. How are you?
KAYLA: Would you like some hot off the press more Winter Olympics news?
SARAH: How hot off the press could it be?
KAYLA: Well, I learned it today. So, I don’t know.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Canadian pop star Tate McRae confirmed dating Jack Hughes
SARAH: Is dating Jack Hughes.
KAYLA: What are we doing?
SARAH: She's Canada down.
KAYLA: Canada down?
SARAH: But she's dating Jack Hughes.
KAYLA: I had just been telling people like earlier this week, because she showed up on a festival lineup and I was like, I don't really get the hype, I don't know, I just like… something about the vibe doesn't seem right. And then you know who was right? Me! Me!
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: First of all, why would you date him? He's stinky. Second of all, why as a Canadian girlie are you dating a US hockey player?
SARAH: Listen…
KAYLA: Embarrassing.
SARAH: I don't know what to tell you.
KAYLA: I don’t either
SARAH: I also saw a video on the internet of two players in the PWHL who play on opposing teams but are dating and it was a video where they were playing each other like the day after Christmas. So, on Christmas, they were like exercising, and one kept being like, “no, you should go eat more cookies.”
KAYLA: That's funny.
SARAH: And like, “no, don't do a plank, you should lay down and relax.”
KAYLA: I like it.
SARAH: That's the real Heated Rivalry we've all been asking for.
KAYLA: It is.
SARAH: Anyway, hi, everyone! Do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: I'm asking the people, not Kayla.
KAYLA: Oh. All right
SARAH: Guys, do we have any housekeeping? Okay, thanks.
KAYLA: Any housekeeping in the comments. I know one of you every week is putting a bug fact in the comments.
SARAH: Oh, that's fun.
KAYLA: Last week's bug fact was that a bug has never, to our knowledge, never competed in the Olympics, but there could be bug Olympics and we wouldn't even know about it.
SARAH: Do you think they're like a bug speciesist?
KAYLA: Probably, I don't know, man.
SARAH: Like, are arachnids and mosquitoes allowed to compete against each other?
KAYLA: Probably not. I mean, bugs are in a wide variety of sizes, some have many more legs, I just don't think it would physically be fair if they have completely different bodies. That would be like making a mammals Olympics and being like, yeah, and put the whales in with the orangutans and that'll be fine, they can compete together.
SARAH: Yeah. Just be like, let’s have a race between rhinos and worms
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's not a mammal. Rhinos and gerbils.
KAYLA: It's not a mammal. and I agree with you. Yeah. So yeah, I think you would do probably… there'd be like a spider Olympics and a worm Olympics.
SARAH: Do you think that daddy long legs would be allowed in the spider Olympics?
KAYLA: I don't know, girl. There's probably a lot of drama about it.
SARAH: Imagine you're a centipede athlete, how many shoes you'd have to buy?
KAYLA: I don't think they wear shoes. Have you ever seen a centipede wearing shoes?
SARAH: Like, imagine you're an ice-skating centipede, like, ice skates aren't cheap.
KAYLA: I don't think they'd need skates, I think they could just do it.
SARAH: What like fun bug-specific events do you think they have?
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: Do you think they have a triathlon where one of them is flying? They have a quadrathlon, whereas a triathlon, but also flying.
KAYLA: Well, but how would they… a flying bug that also swims?
SARAH: Yeah, they have skills.
KAYLA: Right. I was just about to ask if they could breathe underwater as if that's what allows humans to swim in a triathlon, right.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: I think that a bug-specific, I think there would be one for fleas and it'd be like, how many dogs can you get?
SARAH: Okay. What about cats? People? Lice?
KAYLA: Nope, just dogs.
SARAH: Okay. Is a wolf a dog?
KAYLA: Well, you called it a wolf, so
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I don't know, is it?
SARAH: Okay, I appreciate these bug facts. At first, I was worried because I was like, listen, I love and admire those who have a passion for bugs, there's a really good fan fiction that is in my bookmarks where there's a child that really likes bugs. And I support you, but that is not my interest. But this fact I think is a good one.
KAYLA: Yeah, the other ones I think have been more real.
SARAH: Dogs have played in the Olympics.
KAYLA: They did, but not bugs.
SARAH: Was that a wolf?
KAYLA: It was a dog.
SARAH: It was a dog, okay.
KAYLA: It was a person's dog.
SARAH: Okay. Anyway, so… Kayla?
KAYLA: Yes?
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Okay, now that I'm looking at the last two weeks’ ago bug facts, I feel like we're starting to run out of bug facts. Because two weeks ago it was, insect fact; humans are generally not insects since we do not have six legs nor an exoskeleton nor a thorax. However, humans and insects can form beautiful friendships.
SARAH: Like in Ant-Man?
KAYLA: Okay, here's the thing. When I get notifications that we get comments on Spotify, I usually just kind of skim them. And so, I think these started as real bug facts many weeks ago and…
SARAH: Are they always like right at the beginning? Are they like mid-episode?
KAYLA: It doesn't give a timestamp.
SARAH: Oh, okay. Oh, it's not like SoundCloud.
KAYLA: But three weeks ago it was that; many insects have listened to this podcast because they fly past me when I go for a walk and listen to it, and I think that's really beautiful.
SARAH: Me too.
KAYLA: So, let's see, but they used to be real. Anyway...
SARAH: They are real, those are all real facts.
KAYLA: No, they're real. Sorry. Sorry. CJC of Spotify, I love you and your facts.
SARAH: Thank you for your facts.
KAYLA: Okay, this week I will tell you what happened.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I saw an email from the publication Them, which is a queer online magazine, whatever.
SARAH: We've been in it.
KAYLA: I've been in it.
SARAH: People more important than us have been in it. Okay, so you're making it all about you and not us?
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Wow!
KAYLA: And I saw in one of their like newsletters of like, here's what the news is, that there was an article called, ‘Is this a libido crisis or a crisis of humanity?’ And I said, “Whoa! Hello!?” And so, I clicked it
SARAH: I see it in our inbox, there it is.
KAYLA: Yep. I didn't delete it because I was like, “what in the hell is that?” And so, I read it. And first of all, this article is like a cover letter for a series of articles that are about like… what did they say? ‘Our Field Guide to the State of Love and Sex During Decidedly Unsexy Times.’
SARAH: Yeah, because I was going to say you sent me a different article.
KAYLA: Yes. So, the article I sent you is like one of this package of articles, the one about the libido crisis is like the introduction article by like the editor being like, here's our articles. So, we'll get into the article that I sent Sarah that we can dive deeper into, it is ‘69 Hard and Fast Rules for Dating in Real Life,’ which I just think will be interesting to react to. Because I skimmed through them and some of them, I'm like, “yeah,” and others I'm like, “hmm.”
SARAH: “Huh!?”
KAYLA: But first I want to discuss this title, ‘Is This a “Libido Crisis” or a Crisis of Humanity?’ Okay, nowhere in this article does it discuss libido or a supposed crisis, even a little bit, at all.
SARAH: Uh-oh
KAYLA: Listen, it's basically talking about this package of articles is like, hey, modern dating is terrible. And a big problem with it is like online dating and algorithms and AI and people just like wanting their lives to be easier. But like dating isn't supposed to be easy, which it's like, okay, yeah, work. And so, they're like, oh, times are unsexy right now so here's our tips. Okay, correct and I agree. Where's the libido crisis?
[00:10:00]
SARAH: I see the word libido used once and it says, “when the Them staff set out to create a series of stories about the libido crisis, we spent an hour rattling off our frustrations and hang ups in the dating world.” That's the only time libido is mentioned.
KAYLA: And I looked up libido crisis, because I was like, well, maybe a lot of people are discussing this and I just wasn't aware of that.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: No. I mean, I know that there has been a lot of news within the last year or two about how young people are like having less sex than ever and Gen Z isn't having sex, blah, blah, blah, where, I think we've talked about that.
SARAH: Oh, no! What will become of all the teenage pregnancy?
KAYLA: Nooo! I love teenage pregnancy. So, I guess I kind of assume that that's what they're referring to.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or this is their way of being like, hey, the world is really bad right now, but we still need to write about dating and sex, so, this is how we're going to spin it.
SARAH: So here it is.
KAYLA: I just don't know how I feel about like the clickbaity title of a libido crisis, I'm just not a huge fan of that.
SARAH: Yeah, they don't actually engage with it and so I don't... It's not my favorite.
KAYLA: Even if they did engage with it, I would probably have to… That's like why I looked into this article, because I was like, great, an article about libido that I'm going to come on my podcast and disagree with, because usually when people talk about libido, they do it really weird.
SARAH: Also, if we're talking about libido crisis, people don't have enough libido, the alternative is crisis of humanity.
KAYLA: Right. So, is this a libido crisis or a crisis of humanity? At the crisis of humanity, they seem to be talking about… So, the beginning of this article is that almost everything wrong with the current state of dating and intimacy among young people in the modern era comes down to an astonishing drop in our threshold for friction, I mean that figuratively more than literally, but I mean it literally too. And then it talks about like the algorithms and online stuff and AI and how we're like, you know, we want everything to be easy.
SARAH: Okay, on one hand, I understand exactly what they mean by an astonishing drop in our threshold for friction, because I get it, because people want things to be easy.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Counterpoint, everything is so polarized and calcified that everything is friction. And so, people are just looking for a place where it is not hate, hate, angry, angry, and maybe they're looking for it in the wrong places.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But I think there is both a drop in our threshold for friction in certain contexts and we are being forced to amp up our threshold for friction in certain political and interpersonal global contexts. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
KAYLA: You're so welcome. I think that makes a lot of sense. I think dating is the wrong place to do... I don't know what the right place is for where to ease your life.
SARAH: I don't know, like a hobby, like maybe, even if your hobby is competitive, maybe don't take it so seriously.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's okay if you lose a badminton game.
KAYLA: It is okay.
SARAH: It's sad, but you know, it happens to the best of us.
KAYLA: It’ll be okay. I've been seeing more and more pickleball on my TV and I'm not sure how to feel about it, like ESPN2 Pickleball
SARAH: The Ocho.
KAYLA: The Ocho. Anyway, I don't know that that's a libido thing though. I don't… like, people wanting their dating lives to be easier and turning to tools, like digital tools that maybe aren't great, I don't think it means they have a low libido.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like I think… I mean, I know they just did it for clickbait, so, there's really no point in picking it, but…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I just don't like the bad clickbait they did.
SARAH: Right. I'm looking at this author's other articles.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And the most recent one is, ‘The Great Queer TV Character Smackdown, Elektra from Pose versus Jack from Will & Grace.’ Now, I don’t…
KAYLA: Hard-hitting journalism.
SARAH: I have not seen any significant amounts of either show, but these characters seem to be very different.
KAYLA: Yeah, those are not… I've seen a decent amount of Will & Grace, I don't know much about Elektra…
SARAH: This was apparently from a bracket, but I don't know how that's a whole article. Listen...
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know what that did to warrant an entire piece, but…
SARAH: I support journalism, I support queer journalism, I'm not even going to name this person because I don't want to be mean, you can figure it out if you want. Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway. So, there are several articles in this package of bad clickbaited articles. I'll read you the titles and then we'll go into the one that I think we can get the most content out of.
SARAH: And that's where we are, we're content farmers.
KAYLA: It's true.
SARAH: Aura farmers.
KAYLA: We have, ‘do women really want their men a little fruity?’
SARAH: Probably.
KAYLA: Yeah. we have, ‘just ask the fucking question, gay guys ask trans guys anything,’ that seems helpful, that one actually seems helpful.
SARAH: Yeah, that seems interesting.
KAYLA: ‘You do, in fact, need to leave the house: A guide to finding friends and lovers IRL,’ that also seems helpful.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: ‘Don't be scared of friendcest. How to date your friends without mess.’
SARAH: Mh
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: It seems like it really is situation-specific, but I understand the need for some broad overarching advice on this matter.
KAYLA: We have, ‘the dating apps ranked by efficacy.’
SARAH: See, at first, I read that as efficiency and I was like, “huh!?” Grindr number one.
KAYLA: I mean, efficiency makes sense, efficacy, I don't, maybe I don't quite know what that word means, but it seems like a weird…
SARAH: I think like how successful you are on the app, but success is defined by what you're looking for and the different apps are four different things. So, is it like…
KAYLA: I'll tell you what, I clicked into the article, not a number in sight, this isn't a ranking
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: Clickbaited again.
SARAH: Clickbaited again.
KAYLA: It's just like a description of all the apps.
SARAH: Some of them are alphabetically listed, some of them are not, confused.
KAYLA: Anyway, this is a Them hate podcast, no, it's not.
SARAH: Sorry, it's not, Them, you're important.
KAYLA: Them, you're doing…
SARAH: Fine.
KAYLA: Sometimes great and other times mediocre work like any other journalism.
SARAH: Like any other publication.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Except for like Fox News, they're never doing great work.
KAYLA: They're never doing good work. And on this podcast, we're always doing good news and work, so we're not like them.
SARAH: This is a journalism podcast.
KAYLA: Let's switch the genre of our podcast to news and journalism.
SARAH: Journalism. I'm going to interview bugs and ask them about the Olympics.
KAYLA: I would listen to that.
SARAH: Bzzzzzz, that's a preview of the conversation.
KAYLA: Oh, can you translate?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Great. Okay, now we'll get into the article that will be something. I'm afraid, it's ‘69 Hard and Fast Rules for Dating in Real Life.’ Ha ha ha. The tagline of this is, we asked the smartest people we know…
SARAH: They literally already said it's just everyone in their office.
KAYLA: I know. To help us navigate love and sex during decidedly unsexy times. I also, I don't know, man, maybe I'm like the woke police, but trying to sell me an article about dating by being like, “ha ha, times are really unsexy out there right now, huh?” I'm just kind of like, I'd rather you not comment on it.
SARAH: Yeah. Don't mind me.
KAYLA: I'd rather you just stay out of it. Anyway.
SARAH: I also don't think about times as sexy or not sexy, personally.
KAYLA: Wait, this article explains the libido crisis. Thank God.
SARAH: What!?
KAYLA: Well, thank God one of them did.
SARAH: You had to go through all of them, you had to go through the chain of everything to unearth the libido crisis?
KAYLA: Yep, the libido crisis. All right, well, let me tell you about it. If you haven't heard our culture is…
SARAH: I haven't, because you didn't put it in your main article.
KAYLA: If you haven't heard, our culture is experiencing something we in the Them office. Okay, so this is an office inside…
SARAH: That's a crazy pronoun.
KAYLA: An office inside joke that now I'm reading an article about, great.
SARAH: We in the Them office, I love grammar.
KAYLA: We in the Them office have been calling the ‘libido crisis,’ people seem unprecedentedly horny. Oh, okay. Under increasingly unhorny conditions and all at the same time, we've never felt more isolated. Okay, so, I took this…
SARAH: So, this is not what we thought it was at all.
KAYLA: Okay. So, take everything I said at the beginning, forget all of that, apparently, we're too horny.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Okay. Maybe if they had said it.
KAYLA: Maybe, you know, that's a good point. I guess they just assumed, me, an aspec, would know that I guess everyone else is too horny.
SARAH: I mean, I guess I understand like in the wake of Heated Rivalry, it's horn town out there, but like…
KAYLA: To me though… I mean, I guess I don't know what allos are doing with their like feelings about Heated Rivalry. But to me, it was like, yeah, it's hot, I'm not going to like go out and fuck someone about it, I don't know.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: To me, that was like a very internally horny experience, not an externally horny experience.
SARAH: I have heard about gay men watching this show…
KAYLA: That makes sense to me.
SARAH: And then being like, sorry, I had to take some breaks, which like, okay, on one hand, I get, on the other hand, it's a television program, watch the television program, immerse yourself in the television program, keep your dick out of it, your dick can worry about that later.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know, I think this is a question for the allos, I don't know.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway. I guess people are too horny but it's unhorny conditions out there and we're feeling isolated. I just also… I know that no one can control their libido...
SARAH: Speak for yourself. I got my libido… you know those like…
KAYLA: Oh, right, at Claire's, you got it removed?
SARAH: Oh, no, I meant like those cars, those like cars that you control with a remote, a remote-controlled car.
KAYLA: Yep. I know a remote-controlled car.
SARAH: The really powerful can control their libido like a remote-controlled car.
KAYLA: Right. It's like the movie Clicker.
SARAH: Click?
KAYLA: Yep, it's like the movie Click.
SARAH: I've never seen Click, but I do know someone who has a DVD of Click who takes it everywhere and takes photos of it everywhere.
KAYLA: I feel like I've heard about this.
SARAH: I don't think I've told you about this.
KAYLA: Okay. Well, I think I'm thinking of… I feel like I saw a picture once of someone that owned like 30 DVDs of Click.
SARAH: This is not that person, this person only owns one.
KAYLA: Well, they should think about getting 29 more.
SARAH: Anyway, I'm just saying that I can control my libido like an RC car…
KAYLA: I do not believe you
SARAH: Except the car just doesn't usually go anywhere.
KAYLA: Okay, well, what I was going to say is that I know no one can control their libido, however, I feel like libido is affected by mental health.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I feel as though everyone is really sad right now.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And so, if I had to guess on average where the world's libido is right now, it would be lower. I feel like people en masse must be less horny than usual, or am I just projecting?
SARAH: See…
KAYLA: Like, to me, if I'm sad, I guess maybe some people are sad and they're like, oh, fuck, and it'll make my sad go away. But to me, I’m like, I'm busy being sad.
SARAH: See, here's the problem I have…
KAYLA: You don't know.
SARAH: Whenever I'm at a doctor and they're like, oh, this medication might cause a change in libido, I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to notice.
KAYLA: Try me, bitch.
SARAH: I'm just not going to notice. So, when people talk, like, I guess you would notice that, it's something that I struggle to comprehend.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: Like, if I'm sad, do I really want to fuck? No. If I'm happy, do I really want to fuck? No.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: I eat a cookie either way.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Only a cookie that I like.
KAYLA: Okay. So anyway.
SARAH: Not a euphemistic cookie, I mean a cookie
KAYLA: I knew that. I know that. I just have trouble believing that people are hornier than ever right now, given the circumstances.
SARAH: What the fuck is second wave hetero pessimism?
KAYLA: What are you looking at?
SARAH: This article.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: The next sentence; in an age of tech-fueled parasocial relationships, the apex of gooning, Gen Z this, Heated Rivalry that, second wave hetero pessimism, Hitachi, et cetera, et cetera.
KAYLA: Second wave, this must be another word that they're just coming up with.
SARAH: Made up things from the Them office.
KAYLA: Hetero pessimism consists of performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality. Oh, so it's like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm straight, so embarrassing.
SARAH: Oh, you should be embarrassed. I looked up Hitachi and it says that it's a premier global conglomerate specializing in operational technology, IT and infrastructure that's based in Japan and founded in 1910. I'm not sure this is what it meant. I don't know what Hitachi means in this context.
KAYLA: Now I'm just researching hetero pessimism. But perhaps this is a topic for a whole other day
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because it seems like people have a lot of strong feelings about it. All right, we'll pin that for later.
SARAH: Okay. I'm sorry, I kept reading. Okay. Look, the gist is our sexual and romantic connections appear to be royally fucked, we don't really know what we want, but we still want. Deep down, you know this is true. Talking to strangers in real life, especially in a romantic context, seems to only be getting more difficult. But fear not, as always, we have our own answers. Queer people famously invent and shape relationship transverses across the globe as centuries-long arbiters of love: Polyamory invented that. Hookup apps did it first. Looks maxing to impress your crush, baby, that's called gender-affirming care, and we've been doing it since the 1920s. You're telling me…
KAYLA: I can't do this.
SARAH: That gender-affirming care was invented in the 1920s?
KAYLA: Are they trying to talk about when marketing people tricked everyone into starting to shave their legs?
SARAH: I don't know. But trans people have been gender-affirmingly caring since the beginning of time.
KAYLA: No, it was the 20s.
SARAH: Okay. It's like how hockey RPF started in 2020, famously.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: It's true. As we’re one to do, LGBTQ+ people are going to have to fix the libido crisis too. Interesting that there's no A in that, you're not asking the asexuals to fix the libido crisis? Interesting.
KAYLA: I think they would be the most equipped, to be honest though, from an objective standpoint.
SARAH: The Them staff sat in a war room and cobbled together a framework for modern dating by establishing a slightly serious and also slightly unserious list of rules. That, of course, was just a start, so we then reached out to 20 of the smartest people we know and asked them for their own hard, fast rules. Carry the two, divide by trans, and voila, without further ado, here are 69 rules to guide you, some with further reading material, courtesy of the Them, let each one be a machete swing through the overgrown jungle of dating.
KAYLA: I just can't do this.
SARAH: Okay, here's the first one.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Please stop asking if you can kiss someone, you're literally on a date, go 90% and see if they come 10%. On one hand, I understand this, on the other hand, I don't think we should be shaming people for asking if you can kiss them.
KAYLA: Yeah, here's… I have complicated feelings on this, because I also was looking at Them's Instagram and they posted a teaser of this article and one of the things they tease included is, rule or tip. And everyone in the comments was like, not passing the vibe, like, you should always ask for consent, like, they were just not pleased.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. There are multiple ways to give consent and not all of them are like verbal. Like, can I kiss you?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or may I kiss you? Yes, you may. Please proceed now.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like also saying stop asking if you can kiss someone, don't tell people to stop doing consent things.
KAYLA: Yeah. The one reason I have mixed feelings on this is that my first kiss went a little like this… No.
SARAH: And twist.
KAYLA: And twist. My first kiss, my boyfriend asked, “can I kiss you?” Which I guess is sweet, but also just made it way more der-fracking and awkward and I was like, “why?”
SARAH: Yeah, I can see that sending you into a wave of anxiety.
KAYLA: Me!? Me!?
SARAH: You!?
KAYLA: No. Not me, the chillest person on earth. So, like… I don't know. I think there can be a cute way to ask someone that's not awkward, I don't think you should just be like, I don't know. You've got to like catch the vibe to, you know, make sure that's what the other person is wanting.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay, number three. I'm going to read this subhead before I read the head on this one. This is from James Factora. It says, my fellow trans men pay the bill on that first date with a beautiful woman. Okay, I can see why a trans man might want to do that and why they might feel good about doing that. However, here's how it is described as the header. Gender roles on occasion are fine and sometimes even hot, that's not how I'd describe that.
KAYLA: Um, I... Because to me, what is like hot in that situation is not the gender part, like, it is not the performance of gender.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It is like, ah, they're paying for me, that's very sweet.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: And like, I understand if you're a trans man, like it may feel gender-affirming to do something that is traditionally associated with masculinity, even if the reason that it is associated with masculinity is absolute bullshit, the funerary, whatever. Like, I can understand that.
KAYLA: Yeah, I get that.
SARAH: But what do you mean gender roles on occasion are fine and sometimes even hot? What are you talking about?
KAYLA: I would love to hear another example because name one other time.
SARAH: Yes. Excuse me, Them, please give another example of when gender roles are fine and sometimes even hot.
KAYLA: The only time I could think of it making sense is with a trans person who's like performing a role in a way that feels affirming. And like, that would be hot in a way of like, oh, they're so… like, they're getting so much joy out of this and like feeling confident, I think it's hot that they're feeling confident.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, I don't know, I don't know that we need to be like… I don't know what the word is, like, promoting gender roles at a time such as this.
SARAH: Right. At a time such as this, exactly. Number seven, I think is right. Assume everyone is gay until proven otherwise, it's simply the courteous thing to do.
KAYLA: I do like that one.
SARAH: That's good.
KAYLA: I do like that one.
SARAH: Start a convo…
KAYLA: I want to talk about number nine first.
SARAH: Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I almost did that one. Hit me with it.
KAYLA: Eye contact longer than four seconds means you have to buy them a drink.
SARAH: Does that mean you have to buy each other drinks because you both eye contacted?
KAYLA: Exactly, I was like, who started it? I get what they're… again, I understand what we're saying here of like, oh, you're in a bar and you like meet eyes. And so, you should talk and buy them a drink, whatever. My problem with this is what I like to do when strangers stare at me is I will never be the first one to break eye contact, I will be looking at you.
SARAH: Well, maybe that's why you get free drinks.
KAYLA: It has never worked for me. Unless it feels dangerous. I most often do this if I'm like in a car or like walking by, like, I'm on the move so they couldn't possibly get me.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or like in a very public place. But I don't… that's just because they're being weird. And I'm like, “all right, we're being weird, I guess.”
SARAH: Okay, here's a pro tip to saving money in this difficult economy…
KAYLA: Stare.
SARAH: Be autistic, you'll never have to buy someone a drink.
KAYLA: Mm, very good.
SARAH: Just an idea.
KAYLA: Just an idea.
SARAH: Start a convo by complimenting their scent. Okay, when I encounter people, I don't smell them, this is not an alpha beta omega situation, personally.
KAYLA: I'm trying to think of how I would react if a stranger…
SARAH: How would you describe… like, I'm not an expert in perfume and cologne smells. Like, if someone's like, “ooh, that's a woody smell.” I'm like, “girl, sure.” And so, if I smelled someone and they were like, “how would you describe the scent of this person?” Unless it was like something super obvious, like vanilla, I wouldn't know what to say, you smell like a person, you smell fun.
KAYLA: I did not take this rule as saying that you needed to like… I think they were saying just say that you smell good, not say the notes.
SARAH: With notes of bergamot and tobacco. No, I mean, yeah, no, that's probably true. But then it's like, if you're not being specific, then you're just telling everyone that they smell good.
KAYLA: Here's my thing, I don't mind the compliment of like, “oh my God, you smell so good.” Like, that is not an uncommon compliment in my office. Like, there's people in my office that like wear nice perfumes.
SARAH: No one has ever told me I smell good, but that's because I don't wear scented things.
KAYLA: You fucking stink, you're fucking stinky.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: But those are all people that like know each other and it's usually like between women of like, “oh, my God, did you wash your hair? Your hair smells so good.” Or like, “your perfume, you smell so good.”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: If a stranger, especially a man walked up to me and was like, “you smell good,” I don't know how I would take that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I could see it… it's just we're so aspec. I could see it in a flirty way. Like someone gets close to you and they're like, “ooh, what are you wearing?” Blah, blah, blah. I just don't know if I want that.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. I'm going to skip to 20, is there anything you want to hit in between? ‘You are not the main character’ is good, I think.
KAYLA: That's a good one.
SARAH: Number 20, talk about something that isn't your job. Now, this assumes the person in question has a personality, perhaps hobbies. We can't all have a personality and hobbies in life, that's too difficult. What if their hobbies are really embarrassing?
KAYLA: Then I would like to know about that on the first date.
SARAH: What if all they have done since they were 11 years old is write hockey RPF.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: About Sidney Crosby dating everyone in the NHL.
KAYLA: That's great.
SARAH: Who do you want him to date?
KAYLA: I just think that that's like… oh, I think that that is a level of obsession with one single person that is like, no, thank you, for me.
SARAH: We should all be gently obsessed with Sidney Crosby, I say as someone who has only known…
KAYLA: That is not gentle, what you just described, writing a fanfic for this player every single…
SARAH: I didn't mean it literally.
KAYLA: That's the example you gave.
SARAH: I didn't mean like literally every single player in the NHL.
KAYLA: It’s what you said
SARAH: I just meant like you're not married to a single ship.
KAYLA: How many? How many fanfics are they writing?
SARAH: Well, they've been doing it since they were 11, how old are they now?
KAYLA: Old enough to be reading this article.
SARAH: I just thought to myself, I thought, what year did Sidney Crosby debut? That's not how you say it in hockey. What was his rookie year?
KAYLA: So, the person in our Discord who was like, “between the Olympics episode and the Heated Rivalry episode, this is becoming a hockey podcast.” Here we go again, just for you, your two interests collided.
SARAH: ‘05/06 is his rookie season. The reason hockey keeps coming up is because it is tangentially related to my hyper fixation, you're welcome.
KAYLA: Okay, so if that player started in 2005 and they were 11, they would be 20 something now.
SARAH: That is so not true.
KAYLA: Why not?
SARAH: I'm sorry.
KAYLA: Oh, 30-something.
SARAH: I'm sorry, were you 11 in 2005?
KAYLA: Um, no.
SARAH: I didn't think so.
KAYLA: Okay, so 30-something.
SARAH: I didn't think so.
KAYLA: But that's like 20…
SARAH: Hi, this is Sarah from the future. I really need you to set this straight, that's not the beginning of a Fergie song, it's the beginning of a Nelly Furtado song, it is ‘Promiscuous’ by Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland. Thank you, that's what I needed to say. Thank you.
KAYLA: That's like 20 years of this person playing hockey, that's 20 years of writing fanfic. They’ve been doing it for 20 years, they've probably covered a lot.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I don't want to date them about it.
SARAH: But it doesn't have to be that every single fanfic is a different pair.
KAYLA: That's what you said.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: No, I'm sorry. I don't know… Okay, cancel me, I don't care. If someone has spent 20 years of their life writing fanfiction about one real person, I don't know.
SARAH: I think you don't have whimsy.
KAYLA: I think that I'm afraid.
SARAH: I think you lack whimsy.
KAYLA: I don't think that's whimsy, I think that's an obsession.
SARAH: I think you lack whimsy and imagination.
KAYLA: I just don't know if that's true.
SARAH: As long as they're not weird about it.
KAYLA: But I think they are.
SARAH: I don't think they have to be.
KAYLA: The person I've created in my mind is being weird about it.
SARAH: I think we've created two different people in our minds, in our mind's eye.
KAYLA: This week's poll. Do you think this imaginary person we made is a fucking weirdo or not?
SARAH: Or do they just have a passion for Sidney Crosby and want him to find love on the ice?
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: You know, he's 38 years old, I think maybe he has a girlfriend. There's something about him refusing to get married.
KAYLA: Maybe he was 11 writing fanfic about himself.
SARAH: Now that is compelling.
KAYLA: Now, am I weirded out by someone writing fanfic about themselves for 20 years? Yes.
SARAH: Well, yeah, because if it’s with people they know
KAYLA: Or is that just a dream journal? Is a manifestation journal perhaps just self-fanfiction?
SARAH: 26, ‘you learn a lot about sex on a first date’
KAYLA: Mm, okay, I understand what they're saying…
SARAH: Yes, I suppose.
KAYLA: No. Yes, but what they've said under it, immediately refutes their point, I think.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: You learn a lot from sex on a first date. For example, does that top care about you? Do they put a pillow under your head when it bangs against the wall? Do they towel you off after or turn over and stare at their phone? That is information I could get from sex at any time, it doesn't have to be on the first date, bad writing. Bad writing, James Tom.
SARAH: I think it's mostly just saying in this context like you learn it early, therefore, you learn what kind of person they are from the journal.
KAYLA: Well, they should have said that, they should have said that.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Two bottoms can have great sex, two tops too, there's an article about this.
KAYLA: Yeah. ‘Can two bottoms actually have good sex? An investigation.’
SARAH: Aww, they've investigated.
KAYLA: And I love the picture we're using for this.
SARAH: Yes, it's two outlets like you plug a plug into.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: And fun fact, in film and television, there are certain types of cords that they go together and to describe which end of the cords you have, you call it a male or a female end, based on the anatomy of the cord.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Now this is interesting to me, just on… I think this is for another time, I don’t think we have time to go into this, but I will be reading this article.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Just because you're dating multiple people doesn't mean it is polyamory, sometimes it's just dating. Thoughts?
KAYLA: I do agree with that. When I first read that one earlier, I was like, “huh?” But I mean, it’s I think very common for people to have like rosters or for when they're very early in dating and not exclusive of people to be casually dating a lot of people. And that's not polyamory, I don't think. So, I do agree with that.
SARAH: ‘Second date idea; take a tab of acid, go to the gay bath house, and give a twink a new experience.’ I have a lot of questions, I clicked on the name of the person who said this, and it brought me to an article that says, becoming my father's daughter. My dad and I never really understood each other. Then he took care of me after my gender affirming surgery. Whiplash I've got…
KAYLA: What a deeply complex person.
SARAH: Here's the thing. I guess if that's your thing, go for it.
KAYLA: Interesting to put that as like your rule for sex. Like, this is an article of 69 hard and fast rules.
SARAH: What if you don't have access to acid? What if you're not near a gay bath house? What if you live in dumb fuck Tennessee and they don't have gay bath houses?
KAYLA: I didn't know we were doing gay bath houses still, I was unaware.
SARAH: I'm sure there are lots of them in LA.
KAYLA: Yeah, that makes sense.
SARAH: What do you mean by give a twink a new experience?
KAYLA: I guess you have to find a twink that has never done it before so that you can give them a new experience.
SARAH: What is it? Acid? Gay bath house?
KAYLA: Acid at the gay bath house.
SARAH: I don't understand.
KAYLA: I assume is the experience in question, I don't know.
SARAH: Do twinks always have to be bottoms? I don't think so, but I feel like that's the assumption.
KAYLA: I think that's the assumption, but I don't think that has to be true.
SARAH: Me neither. The next one says there's nothing wrong with a little PDA. I don't know that I agree. Then let desire...
KAYLA: I will say, as someone who has never done this, the wording under… that there's nothing wrong with a little PDA is dance floor makeouts are becoming a lost art. As someone who has literally never participated in that, I do agree that it's a lost art and that should come back. Because I've been... Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out.
SARAH: I just made a face that y'all can't see because this is an audio medium.
KAYLA: She doesn't believe me. Hear me out. I have been in clubs with friends where friends have had dance floor makeouts, and they've had a great time. And I'm like, I love that for you.
SARAH: Here's the thing, if someone is making out with someone, what am I supposed to do?
KAYLA: Period. Question mark.
SARAH: Like, your eyes are drawn to it because you're like, oh, shit, that's happening. But then you're like, I have to look away, they need privacy, but they're doing this in public, no, they don't, but I don't want to be a weirdo staring.
KAYLA: I mean, they're doing it in public, so, they must know. I'll also say, especially if it's someone I'm friends with, I'll be looking, I'm going to be pointing.
SARAH: Checking that out.
KAYLA: I'm going to be like, “haha, good.”
SARAH: What's going on there? Let's look at the technique.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. I'll be looking and supporting, but I'll be looking.
SARAH: Okay. ‘Let desire guide you, not preconceived notions about identity, including your own.’ I think that's fair.
KAYLA: I like that one, I think that's good.
SARAH: I think that's good. I think… I don't have any problem with James Factora, who said this and also the same thing about paying the bill on the first date, I do have a problem with whoever wrote the heading for the pay the bill on the first date, but I don't think that was James Factora, so.
KAYLA: No, I don't think so.
SARAH: ‘Sometimes girls like their boys a little fruity.’ Yes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I have a friend who only dates slightly fruity boys, and she does have second wave hetero, whatever that is, where she's like, “damn, what am I doing being straight?”
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, I get it.
SARAH: ‘Having a boyfriend isn't embarrassing, but branding it online is.’ Yes, that's true.
KAYLA: That's wild.
SARAH: ‘No social media is a green flag, it used to be suspicious if someone had little to no online presence, now it's undeniably horny for a date to refute algorithmic ego boosting.’ On one hand, I get this, on the other hand, if they do not exist on the internet, they're a serial killer.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: They don't have to be super-active, but like maybe they have a private Instagram that they have three total posts on, maybe they have a Facebook from 2011.
KAYLA: What do you do on your phone if you don’t have social media?
SARAH: They play Angry Birds.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: They read Reddit.
KAYLA: That's a social media.
SARAH: But if you don't have an account, you're just a visitor.
KAYLA: I guess. I think it depends on why they don't have social media.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, if you're going to be really elitist about it, then I don't know. And also, it just makes stalking them harder, which is annoying.
SARAH: Yeah. Oh, this is from Dylan Mulvaney.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: ‘Post their dating app photos to your close friend's story, sometimes your makeup artist will recognize them and save you from having your laptop and dignity stolen.’ That’s really specific.
KAYLA: You know, I wasn't sure about this one, but if Dylan Mulvaney is saying it, then I'm like, yeah, okay.
SARAH: When I read the header, I was like, I don't know about that. But then I was like, this comes with a personal anecdote, I'm sold.
KAYLA: So, it must be true.
SARAH: ‘If their Insta is private, it's perfectly acceptable to screen grab their LinkedIn profile for a pinch and zoom.’ I agree.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: ‘Middle of the workday sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship.’ What if one of you works days and one of you works nights?
KAYLA: Integral is such an interesting word to use.
SARAH: Are you fucking in the office?
KAYLA: Integral.
SARAH: Are you meeting for lunch and fucking in the bathroom at Arby's? Why are you going to Arby's for lunch?
KAYLA: Not Arby’s
SARAH: I don't know why that was the first place I thought of.
KAYLA: They do have the meat though
SARAH: They do have meat.
KAYLA: They do have the meat
SARAH: ‘You don't always need to cut attention with humor.’ Disagree. I don't know what else to do.
KAYLA: ‘Stop overthinking the age gap.’ I'll be thinking about it.
SARAH: I'll be thinking.
KAYLA: ‘Everyone should be bisexual, grow up.’
SARAH: I was about to read that. ‘Don't worry, you can do bi stuff and still call yourself gay.’
KAYLA: Incredible.
SARAH: Exactly. ‘Just being in a femme for femme relationship saves you years of talk therapy.’ That seems really, really specific and I don't think should be applied generally.
KAYLA: And also, the next point is, ‘your lovers are not your therapists.’ So, I feel like those two next to each other, I don't know.
SARAH: Oh my God. ‘Moving in after a first date is totally fine and more people who aren't lesbians should do it. What's the worst that could happen? Someone moves out?’ The worst that could happen…
KAYLA: That’s not the worst that could happen.
SARAH: Is they are an ex-murderer
KAYLA: That’s why I was going to say, a murderer
SARAH: And they steal all of your belongings and money and they sell them on eBay and then they kill you and then they chop all your limbs off.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: What the fuck, Tommy Dorfman!? I think fewer people should do that. Send tweet. All caps. Nipple clamps. Nipple clamps. Nipple clamps. Nipple clamps. Nipple clamps. This is from the same person who dad gender affirming care…
KAYLA: What a life this person leads.
SARAH: Oh yeah. So, they want to take a tab of acid, go to the gay bath house…
KAYLA: With nipple clamps.
SARAH: Nipple clamps. This one from them is good though. ‘When you start dating someone new, make sure to play a really competitive game together and absolutely demolish their ass.’ I think that's a good idea.
KAYLA: That is good
SARAH: I think you have to be really confident in the game you choose though.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: Because you do not want to be embarrassed. Then you have to never see them again and maybe it was a really good date and you really liked them but you were like I'm going to beat your ass in Dance Dance Revolution and then they beat you and then you have to leave and cry and go home and never see them again and change your identity and move to the south of France where you will become a farmer of grapes.
KAYLA: It is times such as these that I'm like, I think Sarah not dating is the best for us all. I have another one from Tommy that I think… I think this one and the lesbian moving in one really show I think who Tommy is. ‘Don't date for marriage but do get married at least twice in your life. Ultimately third time's the charm so you've got to push forward.’
SARAH: That's a take…
KAYLA: Tommy seems very interested in quick commitment.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And you know, that's fine, I guess.
SARAH: Yeah, Tommy I have questions for you.
KAYLA: Tommy, I'd love to know how many times you've been married, Tommy.
SARAH: Tommy is 33 years old. How many times have you been married Tommy? Oh, twice. It shows me.
KAYLA: Huh, well I guess they're the experts.
SARAH: Tommy was married between 2016 and 2021 and then they got married between 2023 and 2024. Who are you… Are you dating someone now?
KAYLA: Third time is the charm Tommy.
SARAH: Third time is the charm. According to Martin Gutierrez, maybe Martina, ‘if it's not working out you can always change your gender.’
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Auguste Ponthier, ‘never go into a date feeling so grateful to be picked.’ True.
KAYLA: Tommy does have a memoir we could read.
SARAH: Oh, we could learn.
KAYLA: We could learn a lot, I think.
SARAH: I think the last one is a good one and it's from the same author who wrote the article that I have beef with, so, maybe they should focus on this, which is, ‘loving someone is not the same as wanting to be loved by someone.’ I feel like this is slightly undercut by the fact that it's number 69.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: But that's fine. What do you think of these hard and fast rules? Are they hard? Are they fast?
KAYLA: I don't know that many of them are rules.
SARAH: Nipple clamps, nipple clamps, nipple clamps, nipple clamps?
KAYLA: That's my favorite rule, so good.
SARAH: What does it mean? It means nipple clamps, nipple clamps, nipple clamps, nipple clamps?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Okay, cool. Thank you for coming to... It's not my TED talk, I didn't say any of this. You... Okay, that's enough. What's our poll?
KAYLA: What are your hard and fast dating tips in these unsexy times for the so-called libido crisis? Any aspecs out there feeling too horny in this libido crisis we're all having?
SARAH: The world is unsexy but you have a kink of finding the unsexy sexy and therefore this unsexy world makes you real horny.
KAYLA: You’re having the time of your life. Can you imagine? What an inconvenience.
SARAH: That would be wild. That would be really inconvenient.
KAYLA: At the funeral.
SARAH: Imagine someone's trying to be sexy and you're like, this is not doing it for me, can you like...
KAYLA: Tell me some bad news.
SARAH: I was about to say, do a backflip, that doesn't help at all.
KAYLA: Different, different, different, different, different.
SARAH: Okay. Well, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: Oh, brother. My beef is the weather. What's the deal, man? It'll be like 50 one day and then the next day it's freezing and snowing and raining on me. Pick a lane.
SARAH: Just like women, you know? Women are like that, because gender roles are fine sometimes and maybe even hot, therefore, generalizing about women having mood swings is fine.
KAYLA: What the fuck? What in the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? My juice is that I've been really craving a grape pop and Dean was like, do you want to see this movie with me this weekend? And I was like, I don't know if I'm that interested in that movie, it seems kind of scary, but you have AMCA list.
SARAH: What movie?
KAYLA: The Bride.
SARAH: Oh, was it bad? I've heard it's bad.
KAYLA: I haven't seen...
SARAH: Oh, it's this weekend.
KAYLA: The juice is that I told Dean, I'll go see this with you, but I will be getting a large grape soda because usually we share a drink and so we have to agree on the drink. But I said, I'll be going.
SARAH: I don't like that you code switched when you talked about sharing a drink with your Californian fiancé.
KAYLA: Here's my thing, I'm a pop girlie, I do think grape soda sounds better than grape pop.
SARAH: I think you're wrong and you need to accept that.
KAYLA: Okay. So, I told him I will be… I'll go with you, but I will be getting a grape pop. And he said, okay. So, my juice is that this weekend I'll be having a large grape pop.
SARAH: I received a text from my coworker today during the workday, it is a Substack article called ‘The Toxic Airborne Fujo Event.’ And she said, “have you read this?” And I said, “no, but I keep meaning to read this.” And then I sent her another Substack article called ‘Why are men obsessed with women obsessed with Heated Rivalry?’ And then she sent me a People article that said, Aaron Rodgers says he stays in shape at 42, so his mystery wife will, ‘want to fuck me all the time.’
KAYLA: No, he didn't.
SARAH: And then she sent me a tweet… No, it's an article from the New York Post, it says, ‘The Bride Review. Jessie Buckley's latest is one of the worst movies I've seen in this job.’
KAYLA: Uh-oh.
SARAH: That's our interactions during a work day.
KAYLA: Well, I'll let you know.
SARAH: Okay. Great. I hope you enjoy your grape pop. Am I…
KAYLA: I'll be sending that Aaron Rodgers article to Dean.
SARAH: Do you need me to send it to you?
KAYLA: I found it, don't you worry.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: My people are all over it.
SARAH: Great. My beef is I had a very silly, crazy hive explosion, again.
KAYLA: Yay.
SARAH: And I had to go to urgent care. My mom wanted me to go to ER, and I really didn't want to. So I went to urgent care, which was also my doctor. And I said, please stab me with some roids. So now I'm on some roids, I got roid rage. The only thing I'm raging about is that the roids haven't fixed me faster.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And I made an appointment to see my allergist to say, “hello, please give me more drugs, this isn't working.” But I couldn't get in until the end of the month. Also, I had a doctor's appointment, and I was on the way there and they said, “wait, no, you don't.”
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: It was dramatic and dumb.
KAYLA: That's nice.
SARAH: My juice is, well, we went to Disney on Sunday, and I think this was the cause of many of my hives, but I ate some tasty items.
KAYLA: You had a hot dog?
SARAH: I had a hot dog. Oh, I got to put that in my notes. I had a hot dog?
KAYLA: That you ate a hot dog? You sent me a picture of a hot dog.
SARAH: If I did that, then I must have eaten it.
KAYLA: Maybe.
SARAH: I have a really bad memory.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: This is why I have to write down my hot dogs.
KAYLA: And I remember you sending it because it didn't look like a good hot dog.
SARAH: Oh, was it… I'm picturing the hot dog, but I can't picture the context in which the hot dog was consumed.
KAYLA: It might not have been at Disney, it was just like...
SARAH: It wasn't at Disney.
KAYLA: It's a bad looking hot dog, if I'm honest.
SARAH: Oh, yeah, it was the really thick hot dog.
KAYLA: Why did it look like that?
SARAH: Yeah. Also, the bun was disappointing, the hot dog itself was fine.
KAYLA: I can tell, the bun looks crazy.
SARAH: The hot dog itself was fine.
KAYLA: Wait, so you're also keeping a hot dog count this year?
SARAH: Yeah, just for you.
KAYLA: Well, we changed the rules, so...
SARAH: I don't have time for that.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I can't be capturing more data than I already am, I'm already unable.
KAYLA: I'm going to send you the rules.
SARAH: I'm already unable. Wait, what day? Wait, did I already count that hot dog? Now I'm stressed.
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: I need to be writing the dates with these hot dogs.
KAYLA: Well, you need to also be writing down the size of it and the location and circumstances in which you got it.
SARAH: I like don't have time for that.
KAYLA: Girl, I keep the hot dog count for 10 people, I think you can handle yourself.
SARAH: Can you keep my hot dog count?
KAYLA: Yeah, but you have to give me the data.
SARAH: But I don't know the data for the first three.
KAYLA: Well, that's okay.
SARAH: I have some of the data
KAYLA: Okay, we can talk about it.
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Yep?
SARAH: You can tell us about your hot dog data on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod, if you give us money there, we can fund our hot dog habits.
KAYLA: True. I haven't had a single hot dog this year.
SARAH: Okay. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Iris Tolosa, Jolly Lizbert, Katharina, Kelly, and Kevin. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Maff, who would like to promote the Don't Should sweatshirt. Martin Chiesl, who would like to promote his podcast Everyone is Special and No One Is. Purple Hayes, who would like to promote the musician Vinther. Quartertone, who would like to promote the World Central Kitchen & Doctors Without Borders. And Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote their YouTube channel rtwbarefoot. Our other $10 patrons are SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Clare Olsen, Danielle Hutchinson, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Eric, my aunt Jeannie, Johanna, Kayla's dad, and KELLER Bradley. Our $15 patrons are Ace, who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s Aunt Nina, who would like to promote katemaggartart.com. And Schnell, who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Changeling & Alex, who would like to promote their company ControlAltAccess.com, and Dr. Jacki, Dragonfly, my mom, and River, who would like to promote the fact that the hot dogs at the Kia Forum are so bad.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I think I've mentioned this before in the podcast, but I would like to reiterate, the hot dogs at the Kia Forum, I've never had a hot dog that was bad before.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, do not get a hot dog in a Kia Soul.
SARAH: In a Kia Soul?
KAYLA: Don't do it.
SARAH: Okay. Also, don't give a hot dog to a cow, that's cannibalism. Cownibalism, bye.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]
