KIC S2E3 "Yes I Can: Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Inclusion" Featuring Dr. Paul Wichansky

In this episode of Karten's Inclusion Conversations, Dr. Wichansky joins Toby Karten to discuss the challenges and opportunities of living with a disability. Paul shares his personal story of overcoming adversity and achieving success, and he offers advice on how to create a more inclusive world. He also discusses the importance of education and advocacy, and he encourages listeners to get involved in their communities.

Websites mentioned in this podcast:

www.justthewayyouare.com. He encourages readers and listeners to visit the website for more information about him and how to contact him for speaking engagements or other inquiries.

Dr. Paul Stuart Wichansky on Growing Through Cerebral Palsy

Dr. Paul Wichansky's Book "Yes I Can":
https://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Learned-Ordinary-Black-white/dp/B0BJTJ34J7

#TobyKarten #DrPaulWichansky #Karten’sInclusionConversations #KIC #Inclusion #InclusionMatters #DisabilityAwareness #PositiveAttitude #SelfLove #Inspiration #SelfConfidence #Empowerment #PersonalGrowth #InclusiveEducation

For more information please visit https://inclusionworkshops.com/

Transcript

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I am here today with Dr. Paul Stewart, Paul Wichansky, who I had the fortune of knowing when I was working in a school district in New Jersey, and I was doing something to increase awareness of differences. And I connected with Paul. Paul, I know you, and we figured out for over almost 30 years, right? I don't know how that happened and the years flew by, but it's been a wonderful connection and we are reconnecting now, but I know you, but our listeners don't. So maybe could you just tell a couple of things about yourself that you think it would be important for our podcast listeners on Karten's Inclusion Conversations to know? Thank you Toby, thank you for having me on the show today, and I was born with cerebral palsy and have a hearing loss, but I think these challenges do not have me because it's our attitude that makes it all the difference in the world. If we have a positive attitude, we develop the capability to rise above these challenges, any challenges that we have, like an illness, adversity, a divorce, anything we face in our lives can be overcome with a positive attitude. And that is what my parents first instilled in me when I was born over 50 years ago. You know, I had this disability my entire life and I know that today's teens, today's kids face adversity and they don't know how to deal with it. They're lonely, they're depressed, they're frustrated, and I like to give them tools to overcome that disability, that adversity, and rise above it and succeed, because we can all do that. I think my disabilities are gifts. If we see our challenges as gifts, we have the capability to change the world, starting with ourselves. Paul, I love that. You are such a role model and that's one of the reasons that you are so successful at presentations that you give to others, and that's how our story began when you were helping students to understand difference as not an anomaly, but as something that is to be embraced. So many things that you just said define who you are, and that is something that's not easy. And I like also the fact that you broaden that definition of a difference or what is perceived as a disability beyond physical, what you have experienced, and then you include emotional, you include social, behavioral, and things that might affect attention. And someone who doesn't do the same thing, none of us do the same thing as one another, who wants to, right? Because when you take the word disability and you take the first three letters on that word, what are you left with? You highlight ability, Paul. Exactly. Look what I have, a lovely book and it's entitled, Yes I Can, Lessons Learned from a Life Less Ordinary. Paul, I read this book and I was just taken apart by all of your insights and your matter of fact way of embracing who you are and where you want to go in life. And I think you said that very importantly, that the people we meet along the journey, including our family and our friends, they help and they support us. And I know it hasn't always been easy for you and I will include the link for this book so readers can appreciate everything once we publish the podcast. But Paul, Dr. Paul, you were a former special needs student in New Jersey public schools more than 40 years ago. What perspective do you and your parents maybe have that ensure that success in time before the word inclusion became that guiding hallmark in our education? Toby, you've been involved in inclusion and you've written books about it, so you understand what it is now. Now, I grew up in the public schools before that word was even known. Back then, my teachers were initially reluctant to have a student with a disability. They wanted me in another school and not be in my mainstream classes. My parents insisted I stay in classes and have adaptations that helped me learn with my peers. My teachers had to overcome that fear at first that they thought it was a liability issue. How are we going to get him out of school if there's a fire? We can't lift him up. I guess my parents taught me about independence from a very early age and they did not allow other people to help me up if I fell down. I had to get up on my own. I didn't think that was very important until about 25 years ago. I was giving a presentation in a class, a New Jersey class, of ninth graders and in the back of the room, there was a girl who had her head down for that whole hour. She wasn't even looking up at me while I was talking. I thought she was playing Game Boy or something. I mean, why wasn't she looking up until the end of the program? The program ended, all the students left, and it was just her, the teacher, and me. She finally looks up at me, stares at me, and then walks a little unsteadily towards me and says, Paul, I also have cerebral palsy, and it occurred to me that she was listening for that whole hour, but was just uncomfortable about how to react to her disability. So I responded, but it doesn't need to have you. That was the first time she had ever thought of her disability that way, because I learned three years later she was nominated the Student of the Year for the entire state of New Jersey, something happened when she was a freshman, and I gave her the gift of confidence, and that is an important gift. I think you also validated that it's okay to have a label, but the label doesn't have you. Yes, and it's okay, but you should not define yourself by that label. Nor should others, Paul, correct? Exactly. Super teens, young adults, and parents of special needs kids are so frustrated and feel so alone when in fact they are loved more than they could possibly know. I mean, they are super teens, they are super parents, super mom and super dad, and that book that you have in your possession, I wrote it, and it's essentially a book about self-love and loving others unconditionally, because we have to accept our disabilities first as the greatest gifts that we have in life. Thank you. Thank you for reminding our listeners of what matters most, and when you look in the mirror, you have to see yourself as a viable, accomplished person, not defined by other things that others perceive, or maybe they don't have awareness about, they've never encountered. Just the way you touched that young person in the audience, I remember you brought back a story in my mind that I had someone speak who was blind, and we had a blind student at the school at the time, and she appeared uninterested just as this girl did. And then afterwards, she had a para, an assistant who was helping her, and she told her para and myself that she wants to talk to a younger grade about her difference of blindness, and she had that other person who was her model. So Paul, I thank you for being a model to countless individuals in schools and adults who sometimes need to know what they don't know, or never experienced on different levels, or like you said, that word inclusion, hey, I'll age myself here. I began my career in special ed before there was IDEA, it was called PL 94142, so you could do the math on that one, that was a few years back. And I taught across the LRE continuum from the least restrictive environment, and I'm not saying one placement is better, but it has to be right for each individual. And you define that important part of the inclusion pie, which is attitude, because research says that if you have the attitude that things will go positively, you can influence that outcome, whether you are a teacher accepting a student and saying this student will succeed in the class, or whether you are the student, him or herself, and you say, I will succeed. I have, like you said, several books on inclusion, and one of them was my inclusion coaching book. I consider myself, Paul, like you, a facilitator. We don't tell people what to do, but we kind of give them kind of a framework. And in that book, I have a lot about these icons of structure, like a ruler, measuring, having compassion, increasing your awareness, collaboration, and reflection for students and yourselves. So if you had to pick maybe one or two or as many as you'd like, could you touch upon which of these you think are important for our listeners to promote in their inclusion environments? I think the first one, the most important one of those is compassion, as well as awareness and the reflection. So the three of them are so important because when we walk through the school door every morning, whether we're a student, a teacher, a staff member, we embrace, we represent more than ourselves and are added to, we represent our families. So I cannot understand why there's bullying going on in schools because the students are representing their families as well as themselves and their perspectives. So when we learn about our differences, we get rid of fear and we increase knowledge, right, Paul? Accurate facts, knowledge. But we also become comfortable around those who are different in disability, culture, heritage. You know, it doesn't matter what it is. And the fear can be transformed into kindness, respect, and perhaps even admiration for those who rise above adversity because we could all do that. And letting go of fear, as I mentioned in the book, that ushers in a period of hope, a future, and hold on possibility to this, H-O-P-E. Amazing. You know, you mentioned bullying, and unfortunately, as an educator, as a coach, and in my educational experiences, I've had to intervene in different ways to teach students not just the subjects, concepts, but how to interact with others who might be different. And you had shared that during one of your assemblies, you actually related a story about a bullying experience where a bully lifted you and dumped you in a wheeled garbage can and paraded you around the school cafeteria. Paul, this can't be true, right? It is true. It is true. Right. What takeaway would you want for the children and teens? And you're sharing a very difficult experience, but you're doing it for a reason, Paul. Please share with our audience. Yes. It was difficult at the time. I couldn't fight back against this shock. How old were you, Paul? How old were you? I was about 15. Seriously? I was a freshman in high school, and I was having lunch in the cafeteria, laughing and chatting with my friends, and I did not see the shock coming up behind me, lifting me up and dumping me in the garbage can, and my friends were too scared to react. They were stunned, but I couldn't fight back. When I got out of the garbage can, the first thing I did was brush myself off and go to the principal's office. Good for you. And I explained to Mr. Hayden that I did not want the shock punished. I just wanted to let the principal know what went on in the cafeteria, but I added, please don't punish him. I want Lainey and Jean. So for the rest of that year, I chose to eat in the school cafeteria, in a school library by myself, because I didn't want to face him again. Eventually the school jock asked for my forgiveness 20 years later, and he apologized. Seriously? He found me on Facebook and did not add me as a friend. Instead he sent me a message apologizing for his actions all those years ago, because he was learned and changed from that experience. He said it kept him down. It kept him depressed all those years, and I couldn't understand why. He learned and he changed from that experience. He asked if I forgive him, please add me as a friend. So I smiled and I clicked add friend. We both can change when we become educated about the differences we all share, and I believe those differences should be celebrated, never ridiculed. So well stated, Paul. And forgiveness is a two-way street. I forgave him, but I also needed to forgive myself, because 35 years ago when he did that, I had so much anger inside, and I let that anger go. And when we let our anger and our anxieties go, we feel so much more brighter and hopeful about ourselves. Paul, I thank you so much for sharing this experience, because I think there'll be a couple of 15-year-olds who are listening to this, or maybe families of 15-year-olds or adolescents or younger or older, who in some way are bullied, whether it's cyberbullying or face-to-face, the effects are just detrimental. But you took this story and you didn't let it define you, instead you spun it in a direction that says, I'm not only going to help myself grow from it, I'm going to help the bully grow too. Exactly. I brought him up to my level. I did not stoop down to his level, his negativity. I brought him up to mine, because I realized that something's wrong here in this situation, and it's not me. I wanted him to experience love. Well, you couldn't have done it in a better way. And you also exhibited something called patience, because sometimes people want things to happen as soon as they say it. And kids lie the same way, impulsivity, it's got to happen one, two, three. But two decades later, you were okay, as long as the mission was accomplished and the patience and your willingness to reflect on it, and his willingness to reflect on it and reach out to you. So, you know, sometimes we don't realize the impact we have on others until many years later. And that's why I think... Some students even respond years later that I saved their life. What could be more important than that? Nothing. Dealing with a district like Paramus, Paramus, New Jersey, the middle school. I had a student, when I go home after a program, this happened years ago, when I went home after a program, I would get 250 friend requests, all from one district, and I would add them all. But I would need to make sure my profile stayed positive all the time. And I had this student from Paramus, he's now 27, when he was 13, I spoke at his school, and he added me as a friend, but never commented on any of my pictures, none of my posts, not even like them. But he admitted, he read every single one of them, and he finally understood what life was all about. And he thanked me for saving his life, because he was going in the wrong direction. And again, this kind of social media, the positive social media that helps encourage students to go in the right direction, just appreciate their challenges, and accept their own challenges as gifts. And I think that the book you wrote addresses the challenges, the negativity, and you share so many experiences in there, growing up with conditions that others would consider a disability, but you turned it into a positive and enriching experience. Did you recognize that every chapter ends on a triumphant note? That is purposeful. Right. And that's part of who you are. That's a huge slice of Paul that you put on the pages in the book. That's not easy to do. Resilience, positive attitude, self-esteem, fear and love is all there, but each chapter ends on an uplifting note. I don't want people to feel depressed when they read it. I want them to feel encouraged, because when they share themselves with others and their gifts, that's the best feeling in the world. Thank you. I totally agree. I think that this was a very important book for you to write. Do you want to expand on that a little bit more? Okay. Many readers have self-doubt, and they need to transform that into self-confidence, because they don't know how to face their challenges. An illness, an adversity, a cultural divide, maybe a divorce for parents who are going through a divorce and have unusual challenges in front of them, but they're not unusual. Everyone faces them, and they're all different in one way or another. A book about self-love and loving others. Thank you. We've noticed, and we've spoken a little bit about this, that sometimes we could figure things out ourselves, and sometimes we need a little bit more help to understand things that we don't understand. In the book, I emphasize a part where it's make sure the sun rises and it sets with you. In fact, when the sun is high in the sky, you feel good about yourself. Everything is going your way. You're happy, you're content, you're getting good grades in school, but there comes times when the sun sets behind you abruptly, and then it gets darker. That is anger, frustration, depression coming to the forefront, but the key here is to never lose sight of the future. Keep your gaze focused toward the east, because your sun must rise again. It has to. That means the good times are ahead for me, for you, for everyone, and it's a fantastic journey in a dream called life. Everyone is experiencing that dream. Paul, I don't know if I agree with the dream part, because I think you've made it a reality. Well, we can have that dream. We can have that heaven right here on earth. Love it. And that positive attitude and the visualization of how to accomplish your goals isn't always a straightforward path. We've also spoken about different tools, people, resources along the way that help us, and I think technology, especially if it's some physical differences, has been such a game changer. I remember when I first saw the PVC wheelchair on the beach, and they were able to move and to roll. I'm going, wow, what a great idea. Why shouldn't that be? Why shouldn't we have standing up wheelchairs so people are on eye level, or you just had a cochlear implant? Amazing. I mean, all of these things, I don't think speech was easy for you initially. I don't think language written and spoken was what you excelled at at the beginning, but somehow, and you can tell us more, what tools or technology, be it low tech or high tech, helped you to succeed? Well, in school, I couldn't write too well. So I would listen to focus on the teacher and get notes from somebody who was sitting next to me who was a good note taker, but that was before computers. That was before anyone had an iPad. That was before everyone had their own device. So peers were helpers too. I love that. Yeah, exactly. By the time I was in high school, I used a typewriter in school. It was like a portable laptop, but it wasn't a laptop directly because it only had one line for a screen. And I would type out on the keyboard what was showing up on the screen, but one line only. That was a full screen. And when I pushed return, it would print out by heat transfer. So it never struck the paper. Really hum. That was the only sound it made, and I used that throughout high school and college. Hey, Paul, Etch A Sketch was technology when I was younger, you know what I mean? And there's nothing wrong with things like that, but you were able to maximize whatever was available at the time and use it in a productive manner. And these were all tools and resources, but I think, I don't know, you correct me if you agree or disagree that the people you meet along the way and what you take out of those experiences are part of what helps you to maximize your strengths. You know what? In college, it was different worlds because there wasn't just one building, it was many buildings. Paul, could you tell our listeners you went to, it's Rutgers, right? I had a tricycle to ride around campus and a disability van service that would have a schedule for my classes. They would pick me up in my apartment 30 minutes before class, take me to class and drop me off in the building. So I made it much smaller when I used the van service, but I also discovered physical exercise. I liked the exercise at the gym and my friends noticed I was walking a little better, but they were afraid to tell me directly and compliment me because they weren't sure about how I'd react to that. So they would tell my roommates anonymously and my roommates would tell me, friends, viewers came to us and told us you were walking better, what are you doing? And it's just so motivating to get that. You know, college provided a new environment and adaptations that are so important. We must adapt and learn to adapt and become comfortable in adapting to a new environment because we are always a miracle and the miracle of technology, whether it's a cochlear implant, a computer that allows for better communication in class and in life and helps improve our social interactions as well. Agreed. Thank you. So I'm going to ask you one question that might be interesting. Suppose you could be the emperor of inclusion and you could rule the country or maybe even the world. What would be one of the first decrees Emperor Doctor Paul Stewart would do? I would try to, this is a job that I've been doing my whole life. I've been speaking for 42 years. I don't think I'll ever stop because I see the effect that these assemblies have on students. Schools might be looking for disability awareness or anti-bullying, building self-esteem and self-confidence and even substance abuse prevention because cigarettes and addiction are a new hazard when it comes to teens. You don't want them to become addicted to opioids and everything. I never experienced that but I know what it feels like to lose someone who did and I want them to understand that those are dangers. They don't build self-esteem and self-confidence at all. They destroy it and they destroy it in more than just physical sense. They destroy our families, our connections, our emotions by isolating the students who sadly choose to participate. And it's a choice, each of us has a choice and it's important to make positive choices. They help us succeed, I think. I think thrive and I'm just delighted to see you after a few years and to see how you're thriving and how you are continuing with this positive message, this can-do attitude. It's not just schools. I may be invited to host district keynotes for all administrators in the district, K-12, who are experiencing these challenges in class and they need tools and they need somebody who's been there and done that. Inspiration. Inspiration to say that, I was saying, you know, the road that you traveled wasn't always paved smoothly. No one goes through life on a road that's always paved perfectly and what we need to do is figure out and what you have done, what you share so many times with so many thousands of individuals across our state in New Jersey and- It's over one million people. Paul OMG, wow. That is something you should just be so proud of because what you have experienced might have had someone else, as you mentioned, the motions of being depressed or anxious or thinking this is all I could do in life and you spin that and you spin it in such a way that you want it replicated. It's not only okay that you did it. You want to share your insights with others and what do you hope that the listeners will take away from this story? I wrote it down. I always write things down. That's why I'm a writer. That's why we do things like that and that's why we decide to publish books like the one that you did, the Yes I Can, because it's all bound. I love when my books are bound because I know where my information is. It has a table of contents. It has an index, you know? It's all good. We want listeners to take away from this podcast and from the book itself if their positive attitudes can change the world. This is your incredible life journey, even with all those challenges, and it can be an uplifting experience of growth and opportunity. Once you have optimism, once you have a positive attitude and a strong support group, once you build your self-esteem and get rid of fear, maybe you want to go skydiving. If you have a fear of heights, jump out of a plane or be pushed out of a plane and that generally gets rid of your fear, your conqueror, and you no longer have that fear, but the best thing is to live life like it's your last day. How do you want to be remembered 100 years from now? It's not the kind of car you have. It's not the size of the house, but it's the love, the inside love and inner strength that you give to others. That will be your legacy. That will always be your legacy. And my mom, she passed away about five years ago, but I still feel her to this day, and she's given me strength when I can't be on stage. Maybe I'm challenged that day, maybe I'm too anxious, but she's given me strength. She's right beside me on stage, and she's given me strength so I could share that with students so that they can believe in themselves and believe in their dreams. You define inclusion in such a matter-of-fact way with an attitude that says we can, we will, and you make plans for that to happen. So Karten's Inclusion Conversations thanks you so much for sharing your dreams, aspirations, and challenges that you spun into opportunities for growth, not just for yourself, for everyone. Is there anything else you'd like to say, Dr. Paul Wichanski? I'd like to encourage readers and listeners to go to my website. It's my favorite Billy Joel song, justthewayyouare.com, spelled out, www.justthewayyouare.com, and there you'll find my personal website and information about me and how to contact me. If you'd like me to speak to your students, to your teachers or colleagues, to your district, I'm continuing to change the world, and we all are. Well, please, just the way you are, Paul, just the way you are, and I will put all of those links on our website for Karten's Inclusion Conversations. Thank you so much, Dr. Paul Waschansky. Thank you so much, Toby, and it's a pleasure to be here. If there's one thing that I like to leave your listeners with, never let your attitude become a disability. Thank you, Dr. Paul Waschansky. Agreed. And he can feel the stares and hear the words unspoken, not so unaware of a world that thinks he's broken and who never even knew, a kid with a different point of view. Copyright MMXXIII Karten's Inclusive Conversations. Thank you for listening. Check out other episodes on all major platforms.