Welcome to Next of Kin: The Parents Podcast. I'm your host Emma, I'm a British expat living in Dubai, UAE with my partner and baby girl. Join me on my expat motherhood journey, I'll be discussing different topics each week and will be joined by some wonderful guests. Now, if you're a Mum you're short on time so let's jump right in
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 Welcome back, and thanks for listening. This week it's official, Next of Kin, my new baby has been born, I have the trade license here and I feel like a real grown-up business owner, I can't believe it. For those of you who are interested in this side of my life right now I recently quit my full-time job and am on week 4 of working for myself, I'm still breastfeeding, I know in my Mumllema last week we were discussing how to get my baby to take a bottle but these first few episodes are going to be recorded a month or 2 in advance of the launch so thats why I haven't got any advice yet. That being said my girl has suddenly started loving drinking water with her meal from a bottle. I was giving her sippy cups, open cups, straws, I know they're all great to give and get her used to but she does ultimately always end up spilling it down her and breathing it in and coughing and spluttering so I went back to the bottle and she bloody loves it. Do we think this will convert to milk though, I'm actually hesitant to try. I think I'm traumatized from trying to get her to take a bottle before and how dramatically that whole situation ended with work that I have a bit of PTSD when it comes to bottles. So really I should try it because being able to get stuck into work without being interrupted for milk constantly could be a game changer. But then we've also come this far. For ages, I didn't understand why people said they would be upset about giving up breastfeeding but we've done 7 months now and I actually would be so sad to not have those 2 hourly check-ins for milkies and cuddles, I think its also around this age that you get the realization that they're suddenly gaining some independence when they start to wean and my baby is desperate to crawl, in no time all that I've gone through with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, caring for her and keeping her alive is going to be forgotten and she'll decide she's a Daddys girl won't she! Anyway, on the business end I'm also starting to see designs come to reality, anyone who listened to the pilot will know my background is as a fashion Buyer, most recently for a luxury Italian brand for their stores here in the Middle East although I'm not looking to launch a luxury brand because I've noticed a gap in the market here for the kind of everyday baby clothes I want to buy, so I decided to make them. Anyway, I actually have suppliers now and samples in progress, even a bank account and finance system getting up and running. So I guess we're doing this and I'm excited to bring you along for the ride.
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 In the pilot episode, I told you I have a pregnant best friend and gave you my rules for talking to pregnant people, this was after telling you I wouldn't be preaching, but I stand by that, I think it's worth the preach. I mentioned in that episode about baby name etiquette, but I thought for this episode I would jump on the baby names I love but won't be using trend. I absolutely love baby names, names and baby clothes are my 2 guilty pleasures when it comes to being a Mum, so if you're interested too or we have enough pregnant listeners who need the inspo I would very happily make something around names a regular feature. I also think I'm the opposite of a lot of people, I always hear Mums saying they have big long lists of girls names but struggle with the boys names and I'm completely the other way round, my name style is probably rediscovered names that aren't too popular, so I don't like the name to be in the top 10 but I don't really go quirky. My little girl is called Bonnie, this was the only girls name I liked enough to go with and that my partner agreed but it filled my other requirements of having good nicknames and being able to grow throughout life with her so right now she mainly gets called Baby Bonnie or Bonbon, but how fab will Grandma Bonnie be, or if I can totally approve of her going by Bo as an adult. Then for the middle name, I'll tell you first what we went for and why first, she's Bonnie Lilah. Lilah was a last minute choice and the only name I said and my partner actually loved, he's one of those who vetos everything but has no ideas so I was so surprised that he loved Lilah and would even have gone with it as a first name, I'm so glad we went for Bonnie because she is absolutely a Bonbon, there's something mischievous about it that she absolutely embodies. But I came up with Lilah after seeing it on both an Arabic and Filipino name list and this was my requirement for her middle name. Bonnie really doesn't have any meaning for us, it's Scottish and I've never been to Scotland other than flying in for a few hours for supplier meetings and then straight back out. But we obviously live in Dubai and she was born here so I liked the idea of something Arabic her Grandma is Filipina so I wanted to honor that in her name. I've only just now realized I could have done this in 2 separate middle names but I decided to set myself the challenge of finding a name which worked in Arabic, Filipino and English, oh and that we both agreed on. So Lila basically means Lilac or purple in the Philipines but I have used the Arabic spelling with a H on the end. The only other middle name which met my requirements was Tala, and have you figured out yet why I couldn't use it? I'll tell you first a bit about it as my first baby name I love but won't be using, maybe I will even use it one day, but it means shooting star or bright shining star in both Arabic and Philpino, how sweet and beautiful is that, however, my daughter would then be called Bonnie Tala, I'll repeat in case you haven't got it yet Bonnie Tala, like Bonnie Tyler! I mean I can't even tell you a Bonnie Tyler song off the top of my head so I definitely wasn't naming my child after her. My other baby name for a girl that I love but won't be using is Ottilie, I just love it, I love Ottie, Tilly all the variations, depending on the source its either an old English, French or German name meaning prosperous. My partner absolutely hates it and I think our families would too. I know the influencers Zoella and Alfie Deyes had a little girl Ottilie Rue Deyes and I just love the name I would have liked the middle name Rue as well, but would probably have gone for Wren, which means little bird as a middle name. Wren totally wouldn't have suited Bonnie, she's currently 97th percentile in weight and so their nothing little about her. So there's my 3 baby girl names I love but won't be using, Tala, Ottilie, and Wren.
Moving onto the boys, this is difficult because maybe I will have a boy one day, I've had to skim off the top the most likely names that we'd possibly go with that I could realistically get past my partner. Obviously we might have a girl as well one day but I don't think I'll go with any of those names now, maybe Tala, I still think it's beautiful and has such a lovely meaning. But for boys, as I said before there's loads I could go with. So one that I for sure would pick but my partner says no is Rafe, the meaning for this is old English for Wolf Counsel, which means nothing to me, I was totally influenced by Chris and Rosie Ramsey and their perfectly named children Robin and Rafe Ramsey, love it. Another R name I love is Ripley but again that got veto'd, its also old English meaning a strip of woodland between 2 towns, and can actually be for girls or for boys, I think it's sweet but I don't think I feel strongly enough to campaign for that one. Lastly, I just adore Theodore but it seems so does everyone else, for me it the perfect name, I love a long name you can shorten and also give a young playful name for so Theodore to Theo and Teddy, it's just so lovely however I know of a million and 1 Theos now so I just couldn't use it.
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 So I was the first out of my immediate friendship group to have a baby and when it comes to birth and discussing this I have recommended the Positive Birth Companys Hypnobirthing course to my friends. So this ones for my pregnant mummas or just those who are intrigued, I thought I would give my thoughts on Hypnobirthing, the pros, cons and who it might be useful for. I personally just did the online course, I found it useful to prepare myself and my partner and to breathe through contractions as much as possible but I didn't really use any of the other tools they discuss. I'm going to start off by explaining what Hypnobirthing is for anyone who doesn't know, firstly it has nothing to do with hypnosis, honestly I think it needs a rebrand because the name straight away gives hippy dippy hoo-haa vibes which put off a lot of people. Some descriptions I read focus on the labour and the tools it teaches for pain management such as deep breathing, relaxation and visualization, other sources say it aims to reduce the anxiety and fear around birth which I think it does. Obviously, my experience is based solely on the positive birth companys version of hypnobirthing, but what a lot of women dread is that they may be totally out of control and in so much pain during birth and I felt that this handed me back a bit of that control by arming me with a lot of scientific knowledge about birth and what was going to happen. I found this extra useful for my partner who told me he was glad he did the classes with me because it made everything a lot less scary for him being able to know what is going on and it also teaches you to make informed decisions. But with that said I don't think Hypnobirthing is for the kind of person who would rather go into birth oblivious and instead to put all the responsibility and decision-making into the doctors' hands, which of course is a very valid way to be. However for my personality type that would have been quite scary. So overall I learned a lot of very scientific facts and it empowered me to make my own decisions which were best for me and my baby during labour and on top of that my partner was also able to support me in the best way possible with a section of the course even tailored to how to be a great birth partner. The way I used this in my own birth was that I was offered a drip to speed things up at multiple points which I declined because although it was a very slow labour I intuitively knew that my baby and my body were doing just fine and I had that confidence. It also gave my the tools to make an informed decision when it came down to deciding whether I should get in the birthing pool or do the opposite and have an epidural. I also tuned into staying as calm and relaxed as possible, staying in the zone and was ultimately able to labour for a very long time unmedicated. Now a few points from my course which I wasn't so fond of. Firstly would be that it is mentioned that pain is not a part of birth and that if you feel pain then that is your body telling you something is wrong, I think that in itself can give you cause for concern, I'm sure there are people who were so relaxed and in a zone that they didn't find labour and birth painful but I am personally yet to come across one. Secondly, and this is a point that my midwife bought up too, is the idea that you do not need to push you can just breathe your baby out. Apparently, this is possible for subsequent children but pretty unlikely for your first, your body pushes itself quite a lot but there is that last little bend that you'll need to give a helping hand and a push for. Interestingly the author didn't use hypnobirthing for her first child so I wonder if that's why she thinks that you can breathe them all out. Third is equally a pro and a con, the course is super empowering to tune into your own intuition and decision making but I think sometimes it is maybe overly so and you are just going to end up saying no to everything when maybe you need to listen to your doctor. But if you are in the UAE you can find yourself a fab doctor who will respect your birth wishes and leave you to hypnobirth without unnecessary intervention, my doctor even told me that he will let me get on with it and may make suggestions but he will also let me know when he is serious about something and that was very reassuring. If anyone does want my doctors name just DM me I wouldn't have wanted anyone else he was incredible. So that's my round up of hypnobirthing. Very interested to hear some stories from our community on this topic. And I'm most intrigued to hear from the Mums who didn't experience any pain and breathed their baby out
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If you didn't listen to the pilot you might not already know that 2 segments to the podcast that I want to end with every episode are a Mumllema and a recommendation. If you have a mum-llema that you want me to throw out to the next of kin family DM me on Instagram I'm @nextofkin.ae on there. Equally, if you find a great hint, tip, or product that you'd like me to share as a recommendation. My Mumllema this week is around routines, I really thought you got your baby into a routine pretty quickly, you just adapted it as they grew up and that all babies love routines, but my Bons just isn't bothered by a routine. So as I said before shes moved herself firmly into our bed and refuses to leave so before I was going to bed super early with her because I couldn't for the life of me get her into a cot and I mean we really had some standoffs on that one but shes clearly more stubborn than me, so I decided to make the most of the lovely snuggles, go to bed with her, sit on my phone until I was ready to go to sleep to but we'd have the whole routine, pajamas, new nappy, she'd go for a little walk with Daddy whilst I got ready then a story altogether before bed. Anyway, I've obviously been sacrificing my evenings for months and thought I was fine with that but then there was a new season of selling sunset, I didn't watch it for a while but as soon as I watched one I had to carry on and Bonnie had napped late so she bedtime was all up in the air anyway and she ended up falling asleep on me in front of the selling sunset, I thought ah well we'll get back into her little routine tomorrow... and then I thought or I can do the same and get in a few more episodes of selling sunset. It's not just the bedtime routine either, I've tried different routines in the day it just never sticks. Apparently, this is quite typical for high needs or velcro babies so I wonder how our next of kin community have experienced routines, should I just scrap it stick to wake windows and let her fall asleep on me infront of the tele til I carry her to bed or am I setting myself up in a really bad way. Bear in mind shes 7 months old so did you have a routine hating baby who then got into a routine later on? I'm really interested to know.
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 And after putting out that mum-llema I like to try to give back in some way. Seeing as we've spoken about baby names this week I have another app for you, which is the Kinder app. I didn’t use this myself when choosing Bonnie's name but I really wish that I had known about it because as I said my partner veto'd all names but had no ideas or enthusiasm for names. The kinder app is basically tinder for baby names, so you both download it and swipe away at the different names then you'll know if you have a match. Genius!
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Thanks for joining me today! If you enjoyed the podcast and want to support you can do so by rating and reviewing and sharing with friends. Please join our community on insta @nextofkin.ae and DM me with your questions and suggestions, you can also email podcast@kextofkin.ae, I'd really love to hear from you. See you next time