WEBVTT 00:00:01.022 --> 00:00:03.629 Good morning again and I'm so glad that you are here today. 00:00:03.629 --> 00:00:06.048 It's our second week of the you Pick series. 00:00:06.048 --> 00:00:07.947 It's a fun series to be a part of. 00:00:07.947 --> 00:00:12.125 It's because you're asking us questions and we're doing our best to answer them. 00:00:12.125 --> 00:00:21.370 That being said, if Ryan, myself or Ben or anyone would suggest to you, or maybe not answer your question the way you want, give us a call. 00:00:21.370 --> 00:00:29.044 We'll take you up for coffee, ryan will take you up for a burrito and we will do our best to work through whatever is concerning or weighing on your heart. 00:00:29.044 --> 00:00:34.609 We love this series because it tells us that you are embedded in whatever God is stirring in your heart. 00:00:35.119 --> 00:00:42.567 Last week, ryan talked about what is faith, and next week, we're gonna hear about how to hear from God, which Amy talked about. 00:00:42.567 --> 00:00:47.603 This morning, she heard from God to do something in her life and she listened. 00:00:47.603 --> 00:00:54.009 And then the following week, ben is gonna be talking about what does it mean to be lukewarm or have lukewarm faith? 00:00:54.009 --> 00:00:56.387 Speaking of warm, how warm is it today? 00:00:56.387 --> 00:01:00.627 Ugh, no, it's not, it's gross. 00:01:00.627 --> 00:01:01.810 How warm was it yesterday? 00:01:01.810 --> 00:01:03.485 Did you get outside and have fun in it? 00:01:03.485 --> 00:01:07.289 This is what I did yesterday with this little nugget. 00:01:07.289 --> 00:01:11.725 Look at my little baby girl I know, isn't she the cutest? 00:01:11.725 --> 00:01:12.909 Super hot. 00:01:12.909 --> 00:01:14.667 She's gonna be one in two weeks. 00:01:14.667 --> 00:01:17.308 Aw, her name is Kyrie. 00:01:17.308 --> 00:01:19.147 Don't you feel like we've been talking about her for a year? 00:01:19.147 --> 00:01:22.448 We have, because she's gonna be one in two weeks. 00:01:22.448 --> 00:01:23.311 It was super hot. 00:01:23.420 --> 00:01:29.864 Her favorite thing at the fair yesterday was they have those watering troughs that you can go and wash your hands after the petting zoo and stuff. 00:01:29.864 --> 00:01:33.500 But she kept pointing at it just to put her hands underneath that. 00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:34.323 It was really fun. 00:01:34.323 --> 00:01:38.766 So we started a new tradition with her Closed off a tradition with my dad. 00:01:38.766 --> 00:01:44.248 He passed away just about a month ago and for 49 years the fair has been such a big part of our life. 00:01:44.248 --> 00:01:56.600 So in the grief we are finding joy and we would encourage you as a community to walk through your grief and push through those hard times, because as much fun as a Steel County Free Fair is whoof-deh. 00:01:56.600 --> 00:02:00.066 It was hard to walk through those gates yesterday not seeing my dad in his golf cart. 00:02:00.066 --> 00:02:07.326 So anyway, it was a great day and if you're gonna be outside today in the heat, I hope you can find a little bundle of joy like that. 00:02:07.346 --> 00:02:11.168 Okay, so today I'm gonna be talking about forgiveness. 00:02:11.168 --> 00:02:16.568 There was a question or really a statement asked of us that just said talk about forgiveness. 00:02:16.568 --> 00:02:18.205 I'm like okay. 00:02:18.205 --> 00:02:23.429 But there was a side question that said, how do I forgive and not become a doormat? 00:02:23.429 --> 00:02:34.768 I thought, well, I can do that, because forgiveness is definitely something that we talk about over and over again and I don't think there's anybody in this room that wouldn't argue it really could be a sermon series. 00:02:34.768 --> 00:02:44.366 Amen, we don't have to just talk about it one day and I struggled a lot this week with this topic and I would text, ryan, I don't wanna do this, and then I would be okay, I'm not this. 00:02:44.366 --> 00:02:49.507 But I just had to keep my focus on what is forgiveness and how do we not feel like a doormat. 00:02:49.507 --> 00:02:53.204 Because we could talk a lot of different avenues on this subject. 00:02:53.780 --> 00:03:03.724 Forgiveness is always there, it's definitely a part of our life, it's ongoing, it's challenging, it tests our faith, it can set us back often. 00:03:03.724 --> 00:03:10.568 It's secular and it's religious, it's worldly and it's private, it's political and it's non-political. 00:03:10.568 --> 00:03:29.389 In fact, I would guess that there are millions of dollars spent on topics annually about this, through books and studies, through media, through newsprint, through therapists, through life coaches and so many other facets, all in the hope to free us from our brokenness. 00:03:29.389 --> 00:03:30.461 And why? 00:03:30.461 --> 00:03:39.486 Because it's hard stuff, but the good news is that the best things, often in life, are on the other side of the hard stuff. 00:03:39.486 --> 00:03:41.724 So let's begin this morning in prayer. 00:03:41.724 --> 00:03:44.987 Father, forgiveness is hard stuff. 00:03:44.987 --> 00:03:48.149 I don't know that anybody could argue that fact. 00:03:48.149 --> 00:04:15.344 It's hard because it is personal and this morning, as I share your word and all of the frustrations that have come through this week in creating this message, god, if there is someone here that needs to come to this altar and give up something that has been weighing on their heart, this morning, we ask that it happen today, that forgiveness is a part and a new start of their relationship with you and their relationship with others. 00:04:15.344 --> 00:04:18.206 We trust this into your hands, jesus. 00:04:18.206 --> 00:04:20.146 In your name, we pray amen. 00:04:20.146 --> 00:04:29.788 Well, fresh out of the gate, let me ask you because it's hard stuff, let me ask you a hard question what or who has hurt you? 00:04:29.788 --> 00:04:32.343 Who has deceived you? 00:04:32.343 --> 00:04:36.653 Who has lied to you or about you? 00:04:36.653 --> 00:04:39.987 Who has taken advantage of you? 00:04:39.987 --> 00:04:44.490 Where is their pain in your life and who is to blame? 00:04:44.490 --> 00:04:57.966 What has a hold on you that keeps you from an unhealthy life or from a healthy life mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, do you have something in your mind? 00:04:57.966 --> 00:05:04.839 And now let me ask you where does forgiveness play a part in it for you? 00:05:07.107 --> 00:05:19.579 The other day, I was at my mom's house cleaning and vacuuming because that's my love language and I was thinking of forgiveness in preparation for this message, and I became fixated on a piece of lint that was on the front rug at her house. 00:05:19.579 --> 00:05:26.850 And I'm vacuuming, and I'm vacuuming and I'm thinking of this message, and this piece of lint Just won't be lifted up by the vacuum. 00:05:26.850 --> 00:05:29.100 So I change it like I changed my strategy. 00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:34.678 I'm gonna vacuum this way, like I'm gonna go the other way, and it would just stay stuck in the carpet. 00:05:34.678 --> 00:05:40.190 And Finally I bent down and I picked up that piece of lint and I raised it to the cleaning gods. 00:05:40.190 --> 00:05:42.742 Ah, I win, right. 00:05:42.742 --> 00:05:44.843 Then what did I do? 00:05:44.843 --> 00:05:56.339 I dropped it back down on the carpet and all of a sudden, there was this aha moment like this is what forgiveness, the struggle of forgiveness, is in our lives. 00:05:56.339 --> 00:06:03.961 Right, we pick it up and we throw it back down, no matter what part of forgiveness spectrum you are in, and that's how I see it it's a spectrum. 00:06:04.543 --> 00:06:12.199 The idea of forgiveness is this annoying piece of lint that just doesn't seem to go away, even when we attempt to pick it up and get rid of it. 00:06:12.199 --> 00:06:19.112 It has this static cling in our souls and in our minds and in every piece of our being. 00:06:19.112 --> 00:06:19.593 And why? 00:06:19.593 --> 00:06:25.019 Why do we let the harm consume us as it does rather than work through with the goodness? 00:06:25.019 --> 00:06:31.363 It's hurtful, it's destructive, right, it's evil, tim Keller shares. 00:06:31.363 --> 00:06:37.934 If we don't defeat evil through forgiveness, evil wins in the world, in the perpetrator and in you. 00:06:37.934 --> 00:06:42.963 And doesn't that just sound awful Like who wants evil to win, right? 00:06:42.963 --> 00:06:48.009 If we know that that's true, then why do we struggle with it? 00:06:48.009 --> 00:07:01.199 Is it because we don't understand it, or the world has convinced us that we don't need it, or forgiveness is shameful, or it looks different than how God intended for it to be as a healing gift. 00:07:02.310 --> 00:07:16.838 The characters in today's story that Robin shared, surely, were confused by the act of forgiveness, starting with Peter, who asked Jesus the question how many times should we forgive to the slave who was granted forgiveness but would not return it to the man who owed him money? 00:07:16.838 --> 00:07:21.920 In this story, we hear what forgiveness is and what it is not. 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:24.014 So what is forgiveness? 00:07:24.014 --> 00:07:29.341 Well, in logical terms, it is to cease resentment against an offender. 00:07:29.341 --> 00:07:34.500 In biblical terms, it's giving others what God gave us. 00:07:34.500 --> 00:07:38.478 It's giving others what God gave us. 00:07:38.478 --> 00:07:42.831 Doesn't that sound simple and freeing Right? 00:07:42.831 --> 00:07:46.218 Then why do we hold on to our hurts? 00:07:46.218 --> 00:07:51.581 Or, often, why do we feel like a doormat if we are in the act of forgiving? 00:07:51.581 --> 00:08:02.240 I think it's not about understanding what forgiveness is, but understanding what it is not, because I sure tend to get stuck in the carpet in the things that it is not. 00:08:02.870 --> 00:08:13.615 For 45 years, I was hung up in my hurts from my biological father, dale, and this man is not to be confused with the sweet man that raised me for 45 years and who recently passed away. 00:08:13.615 --> 00:08:31.021 Dale, my biological father, was not a kind, loving father figure, or a person for that matter, and although his life was not a part of my life since the time I was 6 years old, the child in me desperately sought his approval, his acceptance and his love. 00:08:31.021 --> 00:08:38.460 So I became a doormat often, as did my mom and my siblings, to his cutting words and his harmful actions and choices. 00:08:38.460 --> 00:08:57.956 And although he didn't seek forgiveness, I often attempted it, only to have more barks and brass behavior come out, making me angry, making me feel more hurt and frustration, and it grew and grew until eventually we decided that we needed to be apart from one another, not for days, not for weeks, but for decades. 00:08:57.956 --> 00:09:09.655 My attempts to forgive him didn't work because I was making forgiveness more about him and seeking his approval, which is the opposite of what forgiveness is, and that is the key to our struggles. 00:09:09.696 --> 00:09:12.655 In forgiveness, we focus on what it is not. 00:09:12.655 --> 00:09:14.995 So what is forgiveness not? 00:09:14.995 --> 00:09:23.480 Well, first of all, it's not a free pass into our lives, not for me, not for you, not for the others in our lives. 00:09:23.480 --> 00:09:27.541 God did not design forgiveness so we can give and receive it flippantly. 00:09:27.541 --> 00:09:28.813 It's more than that. 00:09:28.813 --> 00:09:35.940 The slave in our parable was quick to receive it from the king, but not so quick to give it away to the man that owed him a debt. 00:09:35.940 --> 00:09:38.096 He thought it was a free pass. 00:09:38.096 --> 00:09:44.115 I can't tell you how many times, when Jeff and I were raising the boys, that we experienced this. 00:09:44.115 --> 00:09:49.256 They would be at each other and finally one of them would get hurt and I would say you need to apologize to him. 00:09:49.256 --> 00:09:51.236 Fine, I'm sorry. 00:09:51.236 --> 00:09:52.956 Like, are you familiar with that? 00:09:52.956 --> 00:09:58.572 But boy, if he got hurt, he was very quick to say he owes me an apology, right. 00:09:58.572 --> 00:10:02.577 That's what life is and that's where it's a free pass and it's flippant. 00:10:02.577 --> 00:10:06.909 Forgiveness is also not conditional or a bargaining chip. 00:10:06.909 --> 00:10:09.447 I'll forgive you if you do this. 00:10:09.447 --> 00:10:15.350 I'll forgive you when this happens, or I will forgive you if you jump through enough—oops, right. 00:10:15.350 --> 00:10:21.788 We negotiate in our lives what we think forgiveness is and that is not true forgiveness and how it works. 00:10:22.760 --> 00:10:26.130 Forgiveness also does not minimize what has happened in your life. 00:10:26.130 --> 00:10:31.710 The hurt is real, so the wrongdoer does not have power to reduce it or dismiss it. 00:10:31.710 --> 00:10:43.370 Now, there are differences between wounds and wrongs, and only you can define if you have been wounded, which typically is an accident, or if you have been wrong, which is intentional and then needs forgiveness. 00:10:43.370 --> 00:10:46.567 My dear friend struggles often with minimizing. 00:10:46.567 --> 00:10:58.808 She is often hurt by words or actions by an offender, and when she feels hurt by this person and she expresses it to him, he dismisses it, making her feel as if it's her problem. 00:10:58.808 --> 00:11:05.346 So if there is an apology, if there is an apology offered, it just doesn't feel real. 00:11:05.346 --> 00:11:07.426 It doesn't feel valuable. 00:11:08.679 --> 00:11:10.847 Forgiveness is also not forgetting. 00:11:10.847 --> 00:11:13.368 It's not saying it never happened. 00:11:13.368 --> 00:11:14.885 It doesn't sweep it under the rug. 00:11:14.885 --> 00:11:18.129 It's not saying it wasn't hurtful or it's not a sin. 00:11:18.129 --> 00:11:20.826 It's not saying it was okay that it happened. 00:11:20.826 --> 00:11:24.649 We don't have to forget, but we also don't have to live in it. 00:11:24.649 --> 00:11:29.149 We can learn to live out of it, focusing on the lens of grace and discovery. 00:11:29.149 --> 00:11:31.745 That is what forgiveness is not. 00:11:31.745 --> 00:11:39.148 It's not a free pass, it's not conditional, it is not to be minimized or forgotten about. 00:11:40.620 --> 00:11:42.166 So what is forgiveness? 00:11:42.166 --> 00:11:45.066 Well, first of all, it's personal. 00:11:45.066 --> 00:11:47.765 No one can deny that right. 00:11:47.765 --> 00:11:53.668 It's personal on all levels, from the pain itself that you feel to the act. 00:11:53.668 --> 00:12:00.265 It's about you, your heart, your being, your relationship with others and your relationship with Jesus. 00:12:00.265 --> 00:12:03.769 It's about your life and how you are to live it. 00:12:03.769 --> 00:12:06.145 Forgiveness is personal. 00:12:06.145 --> 00:12:10.307 Say that Forgiveness is personal. 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:14.188 It's also a process and a transaction. 00:12:14.188 --> 00:12:19.027 When I think of the steps of forgiveness, I can't help but think of buying a house. 00:12:19.027 --> 00:12:21.106 There is a process, right. 00:12:21.106 --> 00:12:22.659 There are steps that take place. 00:12:22.659 --> 00:12:28.927 You fill the paperwork, you meet with a banker, you meet with your closers, and then there is the actual transaction. 00:12:28.927 --> 00:12:31.624 The moment it is done, it's a decision. 00:12:31.624 --> 00:12:35.067 You sit at closing, you make the deal and it's done. 00:12:35.067 --> 00:12:36.846 Not before, not after. 00:12:36.846 --> 00:12:39.028 It's done right then and right there. 00:12:39.640 --> 00:12:47.729 And true forgiveness is just that it's receiving the blood of Jesus as payment in full for every wound I've ever had or ever will suffer. 00:12:47.729 --> 00:12:54.269 Tim Keller best describes this transaction as forgiveness is death, but also a resurrection. 00:12:54.269 --> 00:12:59.488 Something in your life has to die so you can live in the resurrection. 00:12:59.488 --> 00:13:08.846 It's a choice, it's a decision that happens right now, in the now, when we apply it to our life and to the ailments that require it. 00:13:08.846 --> 00:13:19.849 And, as Jesus said on the cross, it is finished and no human, no human can ever have power over you when Jesus shares in this transaction. 00:13:20.221 --> 00:13:22.445 Amen, and isn't that just? 00:13:22.445 --> 00:13:24.806 Forgiveness is just. 00:13:24.806 --> 00:13:28.485 John 1 9 reads when we confess our sins. 00:13:28.485 --> 00:13:32.167 He is faithful and just, will cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 00:13:32.167 --> 00:13:34.044 Cleanses us from what? 00:13:34.044 --> 00:13:42.044 From all unrighteousness, all of it, what we have done, what others have done to us, that weighs us down. 00:13:42.044 --> 00:13:49.409 It cleanses us from our thoughts, from our actions, and all will be cleansed because he is just. 00:13:49.409 --> 00:13:53.024 We don't need justice, he does it for us. 00:13:53.780 --> 00:13:59.424 The slave didn't need justice in this parable today he was already forgiven, but he missed that, didn't he? 00:13:59.424 --> 00:14:15.168 He ended up in prison, internally and literally, just like you and I, when we hold onto things that imprison us and it spills into other areas of our lives I lived that I was so mad and angered and hurt by Dale. 00:14:15.168 --> 00:14:30.126 Often in my young adult life I would assume that people were going to treat me the same way and I let it consume parts of my life, my marriage, how I was as a parent, who I worked with, how I worked with people. 00:14:30.126 --> 00:14:35.947 I assumed the worst and I was consumed by the unforgiveness. 00:14:35.947 --> 00:14:45.168 I didn't work through my forgiveness and when I did that, evil won in my world, in the perpetrator and in me. 00:14:46.400 --> 00:14:47.523 Forgiveness is personal. 00:14:47.523 --> 00:14:49.005 It's a process. 00:14:49.005 --> 00:14:54.405 It is transactional and it is just, but it is not easy. 00:14:54.405 --> 00:14:59.068 It takes practice, it's a lot to swallow and it is not fair. 00:14:59.068 --> 00:15:00.926 But life isn't fair. 00:15:00.926 --> 00:15:06.231 In fact, in the words of my dad and many dads I'm sure, the fair only comes once a year. 00:15:06.231 --> 00:15:10.850 So if you're waiting for fair, you're going to be sitting around for a long time. 00:15:11.861 --> 00:15:25.948 Our story reminds us of that unfairness when Jesus tells Peter we are to forgive 70 times, 7 times, not once, not twice, but time and time again, a number given symbolically, not literally. 00:15:25.948 --> 00:15:30.905 It's a never-ending way that we ought to forgive and that doesn't sound fair, does it? 00:15:30.905 --> 00:15:34.548 And one may think this is why we become doormats. 00:15:34.548 --> 00:15:38.269 But was Jesus a doormat when he forgave others? 00:15:38.269 --> 00:15:43.210 Was Jesus a doormat when he hung on the cross and forgave those who beat him? 00:15:43.210 --> 00:15:47.229 Was he a doormat when he forgave the robber that hung next to him? 00:15:47.229 --> 00:15:49.363 No, he was perfect. 00:15:49.363 --> 00:15:53.427 Even in his death, jesus modeled forgiveness for us. 00:15:53.427 --> 00:15:59.985 And 70 times, 7 times, sounds and feels really hard, but it's not about the math. 00:15:59.985 --> 00:16:05.711 It's about cleansing ourselves so we can live rich lives and bring his kingdom here to earth and to others. 00:16:06.659 --> 00:16:07.764 His prayer taught us that. 00:16:07.764 --> 00:16:08.706 We said it earlier. 00:16:08.706 --> 00:16:13.770 Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. 00:16:13.770 --> 00:16:15.623 Thy kingdom come. 00:16:15.623 --> 00:16:18.549 Thy will be done on earth as it is into heaven. 00:16:18.549 --> 00:16:27.472 Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. 00:16:27.472 --> 00:16:30.225 An easy prayer to say, isn't it? 00:16:30.225 --> 00:16:32.164 But not so easy to practice. 00:16:32.264 --> 00:17:03.767 When you have been wronged, when you have lost your job, when someone lied about you, when your spouse hurt you, when someone has hurt your child, when someone has shamed you on social media or cut you out of a friendship without a reason, when a parent abandoned you, when someone has died in your life, maybe too early, maybe in a tragic way, I don't want to forgive when that stuff happens. 00:17:03.767 --> 00:17:06.105 I want what is fair, right. 00:17:06.105 --> 00:17:14.429 But he calls us to forgive, as he forgave us, and he has done that time and time again. 00:17:14.429 --> 00:17:17.067 And I don't know about you, but I don't deserve it. 00:17:17.067 --> 00:17:26.548 I have hurt people, I have lied, I have cheated, I have cursed the name of Jesus, I have thought horrible thoughts about other people. 00:17:26.548 --> 00:17:34.452 I don't deserve his forgiveness and yet he hung on the cross for my sins and my transgressions. 00:17:34.452 --> 00:17:43.768 So the least I can do is to forgive, or attempt to forgive as he forgave me, so I can live in his plan and in his perfection. 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:48.468 Friends, we don't always see the perfection God has planned for us. 00:17:48.468 --> 00:17:53.409 When we are wronged, our reflections of this world look dirty and cracked. 00:17:53.409 --> 00:17:57.789 But the word of God reminds us that we will one day see clearly. 00:17:57.789 --> 00:18:00.487 1 Corinthians 12-13 reads. 00:18:00.487 --> 00:18:07.307 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections on a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. 00:18:07.307 --> 00:18:13.310 Paul is telling us that we don't see or know God the way he sees and knows us. 00:18:13.310 --> 00:18:25.607 So we can be mad and we can be disappointed in the outcome of our lives and people, but as his followers we need to lean into his clarity and trust that he will see us through to better days. 00:18:26.700 --> 00:18:29.828 I was able to forgive my father, dale, in his final years of life. 00:18:29.828 --> 00:18:31.242 Was it easy? 00:18:31.242 --> 00:18:38.329 No, and to be honest with you, I really didn't want to, but he had had a stroke and he ended up in a hospital in Iowa. 00:18:38.329 --> 00:18:49.848 My siblings were out of town and typically they would have been the ones to go to his rescue, but my husband and I were called down there and I fought and I screamed and I cried the whole way from Minnesota down to Iowa to that hospital. 00:18:49.848 --> 00:19:00.384 But God did something in my heart through prayer and screaming and crying and through my conversation with my husband, and he healed us. 00:19:00.384 --> 00:19:03.125 I was able to forgive my dad. 00:19:03.125 --> 00:19:22.269 We were able to reconcile and he was able to ask for forgiveness and in his dying days three years ago, I was able to say goodbye confidently, knowing that I would see him again, because we both shared forgiveness and love through Jesus for one another. 00:19:23.641 --> 00:19:40.761 So, central, let me ask you again today who has hurt you, who deceived you, who lied to you or about you, who took advantage of you, and where is their pain in your life Today? 00:19:40.761 --> 00:19:45.567 I encourage you really, I beg you to find your resurrection. 00:19:45.567 --> 00:19:48.026 You're cleansing through forgiveness. 00:19:48.026 --> 00:19:52.630 Don't let another day go by without seeking forgiveness in your life. 00:19:52.630 --> 00:19:57.868 You are worthy of it and God is waiting to have this conversation with you. 00:19:57.868 --> 00:20:00.105 It's not about the other person. 00:20:00.105 --> 00:20:02.468 Don't worry if they haven't asked for forgiveness. 00:20:02.468 --> 00:20:03.884 This is about you. 00:20:03.884 --> 00:20:08.730 In fact, that person or that thing doesn't have to be anywhere around you. 00:20:08.730 --> 00:20:11.643 It could be dead and gone, it doesn't matter. 00:20:11.643 --> 00:20:19.785 Let this peace be a cleansing resurrection for you so you can start into a new life and enjoy his kingdom Amen.