Speaker 1: What is up everybody?
Speaker 1: My name is Ryan and I want to say welcome to our Reflections podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm here, as I always am in Mike's Beats Laboratory, here with my buddy, mike, and yeah, you know Mike.
Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you a story.
Speaker 1: I was in worship not too long ago and a dear friend of mine was there in worship and this friend of mine had recently lost a loved one and there's just an overwhelming sense of grief for this man, this dear friend of mine, and when he came into worship not too long ago, I could see, right when he got there, his eyes were full of tears.
Speaker 1: And so he comes into the sanctuary and I saw him and I wanted to go sit with him and I wanted to talk to him.
Speaker 1: I felt like gosh, as a pastor, I should go and talk to him and say something to him, and so I did.
Speaker 1: I walked over and you know as awkward as it is, I just wanted to make some small talk and just sort of engage with him, as he's got his eyes full of tears.
Speaker 1: And so I sat down and I was like, hey, man, yeah, I never want to be like hey, how's it going?
Speaker 1: Because it's not going well, clearly.
Speaker 1: But I was like, hey, buddy, and I guess it's good to see you, and I go how was your weekend?
Speaker 1: Anything you doing, doing anything interesting?
Speaker 1: And and he began to tell me, but he like literally was choking up as he was telling me he's like I, and then he just stopped, he's a grind, I just I can't talk, I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to talk right now.
Speaker 1: And I was struck by the fact, like I like hey, brailey, just shut up and just sit with him.
Speaker 1: And so it was one of those moments where I was like at least smart enough to know, like I don't say anything else, just sit there.
Speaker 1: And all the while, actually Mike was there, mike was in the band and they were rehearsing for the next gathering and there was music going and it was me and this, this guy and maybe a couple others sprinkled into the sanctuary.
Speaker 1: But, and so I did I go hey, listen, you don't have to talk at all.
Speaker 1: Why don't I just sit here for a minute and we can enjoy the music?
Speaker 1: And he just sat there.
Speaker 1: So I put my arm around him and we just sat there and I don't know, a couple of Minnesotans just kind of sitting there.
Speaker 1: It might feel kind of awkward, but I felt like there's nothing else I should be doing right now than just sitting here with him as he cries for his, his you know, for his love beloved one that he lost.
Speaker 1: And I was reminded that many times in our faith and life the best thing we can do to minister to other people is just to be with them and to sit with them.
Speaker 1: There's this great tradition in the Jewish tradition, in Judaism, that's called sitting Shiva, and Shiva comes from the Hebrew word that means like seven, and so saying Shiva, shiva was a period of mourning in Judaism, for the first, you know, for the first seven days after a loved one was buried, and it was an invitation to all like that, what they call back the first degree relatives, so immediate relatives would come over to the house of the person who lost a loved one and they would sit with them, like literally sit with them for seven days, and they still do it to this day, and they so for seven days.
Speaker 1: The mourners just sit with them and they sit low to the ground, oftentimes in these like special, you know, low cut chairs, in order to be closer to their loved one who's now buried in the ground, and it was a requirement for parents and siblings and spouses and the kids of the person who has died.
Speaker 1: And which also reminds me, there are these rings of grief.
Speaker 1: You know, you have the person who has died and then like the inner ring right outside of them, that would be like a spouse or a parent or a sibling, and then one ring out might be a neighbor or even a church family member or, like you know, friend, and one ring out might be a friend of a friend.
Speaker 1: And so when someone's died, you know, if it's like a friend of a friend of a relative of mine, I'm not gonna call that person directly, probably they don't know me, but what I do is I minister to the ring just inside of where I am.
Speaker 1: And so if, for example, my cousin has a neighbor who lost a daughter, I'll minister to my cousin, and so, anyway, it's always good to think about the rings of grief and just to minister to one, you know, one ring inside of where you are.
Speaker 1: But anyway, during Shiva, these mourners would sit low to the ground and they would just simply offer comfort in all kinds of ways.
Speaker 1: They'd share meals and they would just be there to focus, you know on their loved ones, their family, as they grieve the loss of that loved one, and in that time they're not trying to fix each other, they're not trying to overwhelm each other or the one who's lost their loved one.
Speaker 1: They're not trying to overwhelm them with good advice or trying to, like, help them, hurry up and heal, or to answer the why question.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we, as people of faith, wanna be like here's why God allowed that or why God did that, which is really not ours to answer.
Speaker 1: Nobody really knows why.
Speaker 1: First of all and secondly, man, that's one of those moments like it's a sacred, divine thing.
Speaker 1: It's probably not up to us to comment on that Cause.
Speaker 1: How the heck would we know?
Speaker 1: Anyway, sometimes, and I would say many times, we just need to be with each other.
Speaker 1: And also one other thing I've learned is, whenever there's a moment like this, where there's tragedy or loss, it's overwhelming when you're the person who's experienced it to have you know, dozens or sometimes hundreds of loving people say let me know how I can help, because for them they're so overwhelmed with grief they don't know what they need or want or who to call or when to call.
Speaker 1: So I think what I try to recommend is, if you know someone who has gone through some kind of loss or grief or trauma or tragedy, just show up and do something for them.
Speaker 1: You know, go shovel their driveway, bring them a casserole, bring them a pizza, go mow their lawn.
Speaker 1: Don't ask, just go over there and do it.
Speaker 1: And I would say err on that side of things.
Speaker 1: Pastor Paul, my predecessor, used to tell me sheep who are stuck in the bushes.
Speaker 1: They don't know what they need or want, they're in chaos, they're stuck in the bushes.
Speaker 1: Just go help them.
Speaker 1: And so I think you can take it upon yourself and be a bit brave and just go over.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be intrusive, you don't have to go over there.
Speaker 1: And you know, bring eight friends and but you can just maybe go over there and, like I said, shovel their sidewalk or just go mow their lawn or go take out their garbage and just quietly help them in ways they don't know how to ask for it.
Speaker 1: So but also just be there for them and sit with them and grieve with them.
Speaker 1: So in this time, yeah, may you know that your presence with people is valuable and worthwhile and just as lovely as anything else, and that God can minister to them just through you being there, as he's done for so many years with his people.
Speaker 1: So, all right, bless you guys, love you peace.
Speaker 1: Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends.
Speaker 1: And don't forget, you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River, at 830, which is our local gathering, or at 10 o'clock, our modern gathering, or you can check us out online at clclkriverorg peace.