Speaker 1: What is up everybody?
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Ryan.
Speaker 1: Welcome to our Reflections Podcast.
Speaker 1: This is part two of the episode that we called you Mad, bro.
Speaker 1: If you didn't hear part one, go back and listen.
Speaker 1: But ideally I ended.
Speaker 1: I think it was a dramatic cliffhanger and it was.
Speaker 1: Hey, you know, we are this mixed bag of emotions that we don't always even know.
Speaker 1: There's a lot going on in our lives beneath the surface, what Carl Jung calls the unconscious self, and so we're always trying to be aware of the, of like the different parts of ourselves, like in different, like the variety of emotions we could feel.
Speaker 1: We're not either just mad or not mad.
Speaker 1: We could be a whole number of things, and there's a number of things that influence how we want to behave.
Speaker 1: If you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired, those things can cause you to act.
Speaker 1: You know, crabby, that's what those hangry commercials are so funny, cause we're like yes, totally, if you're hangry, eat something, it'll kind of change your mood.
Speaker 1: But have you ever noticed that how your mood could be up one minute down the next?
Speaker 1: And it could be dependent on if you have or haven't eaten, if you didn't get a lot of sleep, if it's cloudy out or snowing, or if the dog is barking, and there's a number of things that impact how you want to behave in any given moment.
Speaker 1: And the question is like how do you not just be driven by your emotions, or the neighbor's dog that won't shut up, or your kids that won't quiet down, or the fact that you're hungry and you can't even eat for a while?
Speaker 1: How do you still know how to behave despite all the craziness in the world around you?
Speaker 1: And so that's kind of how we ended.
Speaker 1: So here's what I want to say.
Speaker 1: That's a great question, because many times, look as kids, kids do this all the time.
Speaker 1: Kids are totally driven in their behavior by whatever is like going on in their bodies physically.
Speaker 1: If they're tired, they can be cranky, you know.
Speaker 1: If they haven't eaten, they're crying or they're acting like maniacs.
Speaker 1: They're totally carnal beings.
Speaker 1: They're so funny, they are like you can totally tell oh, something is wrong with them and they're behaving like a miscreant because of it.
Speaker 1: You know, but as you grow up, ideally you want to like learn how to manage that, because you're an adult, you're not a baby anymore.
Speaker 1: But how do you do this?
Speaker 1: So the other day look, I was.
Speaker 1: I had a long day at work I was crabby, I was kind of, I was stressed out and I got home and there were some things going on at home and I'm like, braylee, don't be a knucklehead.
Speaker 1: But everything inside of me wanted to let go and just be a voracious monster.
Speaker 1: I'm like I don't care, I'm crabby, I'm going to yell and scream and be, but I'm going to put this Ryan on the shelf and just be this other Ryan and just let loose and be a maniac because I'm tired, I'm crabby, I don't care what happened in your life or your day, I'm going to be however I want to be, or sometimes, as a pastor, I'll be out at Target and I'm like, I'm not in the mood.
Speaker 1: It's very, very, very rare, I'm telling you.
Speaker 1: I love seeing people, but sometimes you know what?
Speaker 1: I've had a weird day.
Speaker 1: I don't want to run into anybody.
Speaker 1: I know this happens about maybe once a year and I'm just not in the mood to be Pastor Ryan right now and it's like how do I know how to behave in those moments when I'm not feeling myself?
Speaker 1: Well, here's what I think I've discovered, and I'm 45.
Speaker 1: I'm just discovering this and I'm still learning how to implement it.
Speaker 1: We've got to have some kind of a guiding light in our lives.
Speaker 1: You know something deeper than my own physical.
Speaker 1: You know sense sensations like deeper than I'm tired or hungry, deeper than it's cloudy out, something stronger than oh, I'm.
Speaker 1: You know I haven't slept in a, you know, or I slept poor last night A deeper anchor than these things, because these things will often happen.
Speaker 1: Slept poor last night a deeper anchor than these things, because these things will often happen.
Speaker 1: You know, like I always say I love you know we are emotional beings.
Speaker 1: It's totally fine.
Speaker 1: But our emotions can't drive the car because they're terrible drivers.
Speaker 1: They can ride shotgun or in the back.
Speaker 1: They can't drive.
Speaker 1: Something that's driving has to have a deeper root than these emotions or my physical sensations.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So these are what we would call values.
Speaker 1: Like, if I asked you, hey, sit down tonight and write down five things that you value deeply as a person and take some time and think about it.
Speaker 1: Like, what do you value?
Speaker 1: Like, who's the ideal you?
Speaker 1: You can also say it this way I know we've asked this on here before Like, at your funeral, what kinds of things do you want folks to say about you?
Speaker 1: Those are your values.
Speaker 1: Like, for me.
Speaker 1: I love and value community.
Speaker 1: I love relationships good ones, healthy ones.
Speaker 1: I want to be a good person who's generative and encouraging and life-giving with my words and kind.
Speaker 1: I want to be strong, I want to be stable.
Speaker 1: I want to be, you know, a person who people can rely on and depend on my family, you know my neighbors, you know my friends, the church that I won't be kind of up and down and these are things that I value.
Speaker 1: I want to do the right thing, even when no one's watching.
Speaker 1: You know these are things that I value and so, okay, so write those things down and post them somewhere on a mirror in your car, on your computer, like, remind yourself, this is the thing that you're kind of aiming at, you know, and certainly as a Christian, like, for me it's like yeah, the teachings of Jesus, I value those.
Speaker 1: I want to be like that.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not suggesting that you need to just try harder and be like that and when you're crabby, just try not to be crabby.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that, I'm saying when the chips are down and when you feel like you're drowning, you know, sometimes you just need to remember.
Speaker 1: Okay, I know that I'm tired, I know I'm angry, I know I'm hungry, I know that Katie, you know, didn't smile when I came home and I wanted her to smile at me.
Speaker 1: Why didn't she smile at me?
Speaker 1: You know I remind myself okay, fine, maintain and be tethered to my values, despite my circumstances.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like, whatever's happening around me or in my physical body or whatever emotions I'm feeling, I can still not let those drive me or dictate my behaviors.
Speaker 1: But I can hold on to my values, like, no, you know what, I want to do the right thing.
Speaker 1: And even though I'm tired or that guy cut me off in traffic, I want to be a person who does the right thing, even when no one's watching or when everyone's watching.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean and I hang on to those things and let those things dictate my behavior.
Speaker 1: And then I would say so when things come along that like just get you, that like pull you off of center, that trigger you I know it's a hot button word, but like things that just upset you or like destabilize you, I get it.
Speaker 1: Okay, but pause for a second, don't go down the rabbit hole right away, don't go off the handle, don't jump into the river, but like, okay, hold up, what are my values?
Speaker 1: You know, you've got them taped to your rear view mirror.
Speaker 1: You've got them taped to your microwave or whatever your refrigerator.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is who I want to be.
Speaker 1: Then what's one step I can take towards those values that will help me and make it easier for me to kind of enter into being that kind of person here in this moment?
Speaker 1: Because what's the alternative?
Speaker 1: The alternative is like, no, forget it, I'm going to just be crabby, I'm just going to get mad and angry and let them deal with it.
Speaker 1: That's not a good answer.
Speaker 1: It's just not, because it's destructive.
Speaker 1: You're going to regret it later.
Speaker 1: If you're like me, why did I do that?
Speaker 1: When you've actually eaten your Snickers bar?
Speaker 1: You're like well, sorry about that.
Speaker 1: There's this great sign in my friend's cabin on the lake and it says I apologize for what I said when I was trying to dock the boat.
Speaker 1: If you're from Minnesota, you've ever tried to dock a boat in a windstorm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my bad, I'm sorry for all that language I used when I was trying to talk to the boat.
Speaker 1: That's a joke.
Speaker 1: Like, okay, okay, how do I not let these things really get the best of me every single time, because we know folks, I know people like that.
Speaker 1: They're just always giving their emotions or the whim of or the dog barking next door or the you know the wife not smiling how they wanted them to and I didn't get my way, whatever, and they just man, they're like, they're so unstable and I think, as we get older, it's so important what do I value?
Speaker 1: And cling to those things.
Speaker 1: Remind ourselves, hey, I want to be.
Speaker 1: And then whatever you need to kind of take one step towards those values in those moments, you know, try it and let's see what happens.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what are your values?
Speaker 1: And then how can you, in the moments that you feel the weakest or like things or the chips are down and times are tough, to just take one step towards those values?
Speaker 1: All right, let me know how it goes.
Speaker 1: Love you guys, peace.
Speaker 1: Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends.
Speaker 1: And don't forget, you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River at 830, which is our liturgical gathering, or 10 o'clock, our modern gathering, or you can check us out online at clcelkriverorg.
Speaker 1: Peace.