Ep-66: The Apartment Episode | 20 Topics in 20 Minutes

Welcome back, Demon Babies! This week your hosts are talking everything apartments. Apartment living, bad leases, security deposits that were never getting returned, and the very specific chaos of trying to coexist with other people in a shared space. From crazy roommates to questionable amenities, we’re breaking down the highs, the lows, and the moments that should have ended in eviction. And yes… all in 20 topics in 20 minutes.

We are not giving advice. Let’s be clear. This is not a how-to guide. This is a collection of experiences, mistakes, and lessons that were absolutely not learned. If you’ve ever fought over fridge space, dealt with thin walls, or wondered if your neighbors are okay, you’re in the right place.

Expect hot takes, roommate horror stories, lease delusion, apartment drama, and a full breakdown of why apartment living builds character whether you like it or not.

If you’re new here, Demon Babie is your weekly comedy podcast where we rapid-fire 20 bite-sized topics in just 20 minutes: pop culture, relationships, life spirals, and whatever else we can cram into a caffeine-fueled countdown. And believe us, today Emma is CAFFEINATED.

Listen for:
🏠 Crazy roommate stories and shared space chaos
🏠 Losing your security deposit for no reason
🏠 Apartment amenities that sound better than they are
🏠 Thin walls, loud neighbors, and survival tactics
🏠 The fastest, funniest, most chaotic 20 minutes of your week

Subscribe for more weekly chaos:
New episodes every week. Deposit not guaranteed.

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Transcript

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Welcome to another episode of the Demon Babie Podcast. I'm Demon Follywood, aka Joey Lombardo, and I'm sitting here with my roommate, Blond Babie, Emma Nilsson. Roommates till we die. Soon. Well, we're on that path. We are on the right path. I don't, I'm not moving out. Oh. Are you? No. Are you a victim? I thought you meant we're dying soon. Sorry. That was miscommunication. We're working on communication here. Trying not to die soon. Trying. Doing our best. Trying to live. So we don't die. So we don't die too soon. Too soon. Fun. Living on the edge. I miss that. I don't know the rest of it. Love glory. This show we take one topic break it down into 20 mini topics spend about what 20 minutes on it Maybe 30 Depends on the day. It's a bad day 15 if it's a worse day. We're not filming And today's topic is What apartments you had them you live in them you're still there you're stuck. What can you do? That's life. Welcome to the show. That's Steven, Babie. How are you? Why are you looking like that? I don't know. I felt like you had a lot to say. I don't I was confused. It was like a lot was going on in your eyes, and I was just Tell me what you're feeling. Tell me what you're thinking. I'm feeling like we're gonna have a good episode. Yeah! Not a good one, though. Mid. Mid. I think we're gonna have a par episode. Hey, I would just like to hit par. I don't want to be subpar. We're batting. Batting low, but we're batting. But we're up. Alright. How are you? I'm good. I've got a lot of energy today. I've had like two coffees with Celsius. Damn. Yeah. Might as well snort it. Why's your nose dripping? I don't know. Can I have a tissue? Yeah, you're way caffeine'd up. Yeah, I feel great. Good for you. Yeah. I knew we were filming. I said, let me get ready. Alright, you're in. I'm in. Let's go. First topic. Do Our apartment. Critique. The style's just off. Size? Great. Price? Square footage? Great. Price? Fine. Let's go good first. Price? Good. Cheap. Cheap. Ish. For a one bedroom? We have a bedroom. We have a bedroom. We have a separate bedroom. Yes. With a closet we share. Yes, but we have a bedroom. I hate that. Okay. I would love my own closet. We'll get there. Calm down. Okay, okay. Positive. We're critiquing Kitchen. Great. Great kitchen, great appliances, great electricity here. We don't short out fuses ever. No. Two parking spots. Yes. A dog. Well, two parking spots for free. Yes. Dog. For free. No additional payment. Yes. We're up. Yeah. We're up. Now, Critique. Cons. Cons. Popcorn ceiling. Popcorn ceiling. Hate. No in unit laundry. No balcony. No balcony. Uh, no overhead lighting, period, at all. Except for in the kitchen and the bathroom. Basically no overhead lighting. Yeah. Very dark. Yes, we're poor. Fuck! We tried not to do that. Yeah, well, here we are. We're also doing a podcast. Like and subscribe. We're begging people just to watch. So we can have a balcony one day. One day we'll have an outdoor area. Holy moly. That's ours. No. Yeah. One day. But we did commandeer the outside next door. We put some stuff outside. We're terrible tenants. No, we're good. They liked it. They said, can you put prettier stuff out here? Can you make it nice? And we said sure. Yeah. Done. Done. And we've decorated it nice. Yeah. Good furniture. I think my critique, we got to do better art. And that's a critique on me. This girl is all your art of. I hate it. It looks like shit. Get real art. Fuck you. Next topic. You know what I mean. Next topic. Uh, your first apartment. Uh, San Diego. We were neighbors. Yeah. We were neighbors. We were neighbors down in San Diego in the same apartment. We had balconies. Yes. But we shared. We were, we were roommates. We were apartment complex. Um, let's go to your apartment first because your apartment situation was crazy because you bounced around before you settled in. Oh, yeah, when I got there The room was destroyed like utterly destroyed By the other guy and then we were just like no, I can't live like this can't be my roommate. I'm absolutely out So I switch apartments to a hypochondriac super freak germaphobe Like complete day and night. Yeah, which I didn't mind and I wasn't there that much. I was always in your apartment So it was fine. It worked out. Um Yeah, so I had Malik as my in room roommate and then in the other room I had a guy from Tennessee from the south. I forgot about him. Casey. I Think his name was. Yeah. And then Antonio. I was never there. Antonio the Sao Paulo Brazilian. Gonna see him soon. Gonna go to Brazil and see him. Yeah Rah And he was the first guy to get me drunk. First time I was ever drunk, San Diego. Blame him. Blame him. Nice. He was a good guy. Good guy. Good guy. Yeah. Um, my room was crazy. So I lived with a woman. Not gonna name drop her, but uh, she was a hooker Pretty sure. Pretty sure. At least a stripper. She was a stripper. At the minimum. No, she was a stripper Yeah, she was a stripper and I think she was an escort. Yeah A lot of time in the Dominican Republic. No, she escaped to the Philippines. No, no. I think they are No, it was in the, what's one of the Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Keep it going. Anyways. So she, she would bring random men over and let them sleep in our living room and I was 17 at the time so this was wild. Really cool. Really cool first roommate experience, but I didn't share a room with her. She had her own room. And then you took her room over. After she moved out because she got kicked out of school. And went to the Philippines. We'll just say Philippines. And then my other roommate, um, She was cool. She was whatever. She worked at, um, Big Girl. Yeah, yeah, she was like four, almost 400 pounds probably. Big. No, I'm talking about Irene. That was Alexis. Oh. Irene was the girl that I shared the room with. She was nice, yeah. She was really sweet, really mellow, older girl. No stories. Did whatever, no stories. And then the other girl was 400 pounds. Mm hmm. And yeah, that was fine. She was nice. Twin bed though. Twin bed, yeah, that was a problem. Yeah, that was crazy. Um, yeah, but other than that, those two were nice. Yeah. The apartments were fine. Yeah. They were whatever. There you go. Yeah. Done. Done. Hit me. Next topic. Renting versus owning. Um, renting is cheaper than owning right now. So I mean, yeah, it's cheaper. Like, I'm sorry. You want me to have 200, 000? Yeah. Who, I mean, most of the population of the world doesn't own, doesn't own, no. And especially for this generation of people, we're not owning. We're not owning. I mean, let's be real. Until this podcast blows up, like and subscribe and comment below. We're not owning. Sorry. Uh, we're not Mr. Beast. I'm giving away one apartment. You have to pay for it. Uh, yeah. What do you think? Renting or owning? I mean, I prefer to own, but I rent. But we rent. But here we are. Here we are. But, you know. Um, I treat it like I own it. Sorry. I mean, yeah, we tear this shit up. Yeah. Next. Next topic. Studio apartments. One, as a couple, I don't think we're allowed to do that. Um, I think we're allowed. No, I don't think we're allowed. I think we're lucky to be able to pay for a one bedroom apartment. We're very lucky. Yeah. I think we would kill each other. No, we would murder. I don't think, and a dog? It's not enough space. It's not enough space. No. Unless it's a thousand square foot, giant wear like warehouse style studio where you can make a room. I still don't like that.'cause when you have like people over, then people are just kind of in your room. You're like In my room, bro. You're sitting on my bed, get off my bed. People go in your bed anyway when you have people over and you're like, why are you in my room? It's more intimate if they make their way to that room. Yeah. Then they're like having a little conversation. Yeah. We can do a little convo in there or whatever. Yeah, that's okay, that's fine. But if it's just one big room. Then you have to sit on the bed sometimes. And I can't Yeah, a studio is just sometimes you want to go in the other room and be on the phone. There are nice studios, but I'm not saying they're not nice, I'm saying it's not great for a couple. I don't think you can do it. No, great for a single person though. Yeah. Love it. Hit me. Next topic! One bedroom apartments. Perfect. I think they should just not make studios. Yeah, like it's an asshole thing to do. Give everyone a bedroom. And charge studio price. Please. It can be small. It can be a small bed. But give them a bedroom. Give them a wall. A little respect. I need a wall. Give some respect to the people renting. They're literally paying you to live there. Give them two rooms. A living and a sleeping. Yeah. That's all you need. That's all you need. Um, if I was a builder, I think I would do that. All one bedders? No studios. Bare minimum. Bare minimum. Out of respect for your tenant. Yep. Well, aren't you just a generous? An angel. Beautiful landlord. Yeah. Hit me. Next topic! Two plus bedroom. So two and up. I think that is a flex. It is a flex. But Especially if it's a guest room. That's what I'm saying. That's a flex. What would you do with a second bedroom? I'd make it a studio for this. Really? Yeah, mostly studio, mostly studio with like, and then sleeping options, maybe. Yeah, like I have a pull out couch or something. Oh, I see. So it'd be like a couch to film on and then it's also could be a pull out. What really wets my whistle with a second bedroom is the idea of two big closets. I would love a second closet. Yeah, that'd be nice just for coats or something, you know. No, you get your own closet then. I get my closet, you get your closet. Own closets. Uh, I'm gonna have to backtrack. Okay. Uh, I'm gonna have to say. Hear me out. I don't want to leave my bedroom to go get dressed. Okay, fine. I'll take the other room. I don't care. Give me my own closet. No, I wouldn't. Cause I was gonna say, if you have a three bedroom, that third bedroom, all closet. All closet. You don't have, no, cause there's already a closet in there. You have three closets then. And the third room is the walk in closet. No. Yes! That's such a waste of space. What would you do with the third bedroom? That's a guest room. The second room's a guest room. Second one's a studio. Don't care. It's my house. I don't like your house. I don't like your rules. You don't have enough clothes for that. I would get them. That's bad. I would love to have that many clothes. No. I would, yeah. That'd be awesome. No. Yes. That's bad. That's my money. That's hoarder. It's not your money. Hoarder! Sorry. Hit me. Next topic. Apartment pets. Like bully dogs. Bulldogs are a good apartment pet. They're kind of lazy. Pomeranians are good apartment pets. They're little. I heard Great Danes are good apartment pets because they don't like to walk a lot. They take up a lot of room. Okay, just because they don't like to walk doesn't mean they don't need to walk. they need to walk much. They have bad hips and stuff. Really? Yeah. They're not like an athlete dog. I thought they were. No, I don't think so. They're just built like a horse. Hmm. Not actually horses. Yeah, I think if you're gonna have an apartment dog, it needs to be a dog that doesn't need a lot of exercise in the day. I mean, unless you're willing to take it on big hikes and big walks all the time. And let's be honest, all cats. Cats are fine. All apartment. Okay, hot take. Cats make apartments smelly. That's a mid take. I think that's a pretty normal take. People love cats. People love cats. Your apartment smells. Your apartment smells. And ours might smell like dog, but we're accustomed to it, so we don't know. I don't think it smells really. You don't know. I don't get any change from hallway to doorway, and we vacuum a lot. We do. We clean a lot. But if you don't, and your place smells like dog, that's gross. Yeah, you can't smell, some places smell like dog. Apartments that smell gross. I've smelled dogs at places. I'm gonna have to say, I don't think you can have fish as a pet in an apartment. Too much contained smell. I don't know. No, I don't know. I just don't like the idea. You just don't like fish. I love fish. Oh, gladly have a big aquarium, but I live in an apartment. You wouldn't have like a fishbowl? No, I just feel like that you need, I don't know. You got different, you need different priorities. All right. Turtles? I don't think you have turtles in an apartment. I hate turtles as pets. Yeah. But I grew up with them, so I'm allowed to say that. Birds? Nope. No birds as pets. I feel like you could have a bird as a No, put the birds in the wild. Stop keeping birds as pets. It's weird. Your bird's gonna peck your eyes out. No. There are parrots outside right now. There's no dogs really alone outside. Coyotes? That's a coyote! Wolf? That's a wolf! It's not a bulldog. You think Blue would survive? He'd, yeah, he'd sell his body. He would. And he'd make money. He would be richer than us. He'd probably be better off. He wouldn't have popcorn ceiling, I'll tell you that much. True. Yeah, he'd be living under the stars. Dream. Next topic! Luxury apartments. I always want to, like, upgrade and move to one, but I never feel like they're that worth the price. They're always disappointing, I think. Yeah, I agree. It I've been in some of the coolest, nicest ones, and it's just not It just falls short. Yeah. I mean, sure, you get a few Like, you probably feel better day to day. Wait, do you, though? Because, like You might have more pride walking around in the halls. Yeah, I don't have any pride walking around here. No, the halls on ours look like, uh, meth lab. Yeah. Um, But. Yeah, like you're proud to have people walk into your building. Yeah, that's what, I think that is something. That's the biggest part of the flex. We don't have that, yeah. No, I'm like, okay, I know it looks scary, just get inside. Not a lot of curb appeal. No. But the curb appeal is probably nice, if you have it. In a nice apartment. And I don't think they ever use the gyms ever. I think you get over it. I think they're always empty. I think you just get over it. No, in my second college apartment they use, no. We kind of use the gym, but not really. That's what I'm saying. It's weird. Yeah, it feels wrong. It feels Unclean and like inappropriate. Yeah, there's something about it. There's something inappropriate. Yeah I don't, there's nothing inappropriate about it, but it feels, it does feel wrong. Yeah, it's like not cool. The pool's okay. Pool's allowed. Our pool sucks, actually. Well now, it used to be great. It's so cold. It's not heated. And they got rid of the net and I can't clean it. Yeah, they're losers. Next topic! Dream apartment. What does your dream apartment have? Dream apartment has floor to ceiling windows. Okay. That's all. What level? Eight and up. I wanna be high. Eight and up. Yeah. Why not pen, just penthouse. Then I would dream. Okay. Yeah. Penthouse fine. Penthouse no one above. You penthouse and I get a rooftop. Yes. Yeah. I get a rooftop balcony. There's that one apartment down the road that has a rooftop and it's not that expensive, but it's really small. Yeah. But I'm like, the rooftop might be fucking worth it. It might be fucking worth it. Yeah, it might be moving. Whoa. Uh, rooftop's perfect. Rooftop's. Great fresh air. You need a fresh air at least. For a dream apartment, you need a pool somewhere. Dream apartment that's got a rooftop and a pool. I think it's two bedroom. Yep. Three bedroom seems too much, even. Yeah. I'd rather just own something else at that point. If I can afford a three bedroom, I can afford to own something. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. I agree. Um, two bedroom, What else? A barbecue outside. Okay, on your roof? On my roof I can barbecue, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And a gas stove. Gas appliances. Six burners. Six burners and a big ol fridge. A big, non white, stainless steel fridge. Yep, and a walk in closet. And good water pressure. And a good shower. Yeah, separate bathtub. Whoa. Now we're talking. Now we're cooking. We're cooking. Now we're cooking. Yeah. Next topic. Apartment parties. Oh, it feels so silly. But it's LA. It's past our I think we've out aged, we've aged out of apartment parties. It's okay until you're 30, and then it's like, you're not What are we doing? Rent an Airbnb. What are we doing? Buy a house, rent an Airbnb. You gotta do something here. You gotta do something. We gotta upgrade the system. Have the party somewhere else. Can't be here. Can't be here. After party, okay, we can all go to your apartment, hang out. Yeah, drink, all that stuff. Party party. Party party, the main events there. Tough. It's a little. Let's go to the bar. It feels, let's just go to the bar. Yeah, let's get out of here. Quick pregame. We'll get into that. Pregame's cool. We'll get there. All right, next topic. Apartment pregames. Fun. A lot. So allowed. Yep. Even better than a house pregame. Because at a house, you're almost like, why even go? Where am I going after? Why even? No, why leave? Why go to the bar? Oh, yeah, we're in a house. We're in a house. Why would I leave? We're in a pregame? Yeah. You're like, I can't wait to get out of this cage. Yeah. I can't wait to get out of here. You're like a wild animal. Woo! You guys ready? You ready? I'm ready. Let's go. Who's got the Uber? Yeah. Oh, and then the Uber's so easy because you're in a big city. Apartment free game? Perfect. So nice. Yeah. And you can tell, you can lie in the Uber. Ah, I'm just waiting for the elevator. I'm gonna be there any second. Sorry. And you're yelling at all the girls. Get ready! You're not ready! You gotta go! Katz are here! Katz are here! Nice. Thank you. Next topic. Um, noise complaints. A huge part of your apartment living experience. Yeah, cause if you can't play music, and you can't do stuff, If you're getting a lot of complaints, you're fucked. Yeah, if you're, if you're, Someone who throws parties. Yeah, you're fucked. If you're us. If you're us, you're fucked. You're fucked. Unless you live in a cool spot. Another pro for this place. You don't get noise complaints. We got one noise complaint once. Once, right when we moved in. Right when we moved in. Never happened again. They tried to flex on us. They're like, we'll call the cops right on you. We're like, cops, knock on the door. Test! I open the door. Whoa, what are you guys doing? Hey, you guys are being kinda loud. What? Sorry. We'll chill out. Sorry about that, officer. I think it was only like 9. 30. It was early. It was super early. And then I was like, shut the door. Never opening that door again. Six years later and we're chillin Yeah. Eh, be nice to your neighbors. Be nice to your neighbors. You'll probably be alright. Try and be nice. Yeah. They didn't know us. Not yet. They didn't know our sweet, angelic. Angel beauty faces. Yeah. They didn't know who was playing music. Then they saw us and they went, obviously they're gonna play music. Oh, it's them. They're fine. It's fine. What do you think they're up to? They're just Hollywood kids. Yeah. Next topic! One bathroom, depression. Oh, I was big depressed on that today. Yeah, you, you, two, two bedroom, two bathroom. Yeah. Get my own bathroom. Get your own bathroom. It almost feels like you don't even want to live with me at this point. I want my own bathroom so I can do my makeup and not be disturbed. Closet, bathroom. Yeah, I like doing my makeup I don't want to have to leave so you can use the bathroom while I'm doing my makeup. Yeah, that would be a dream! Dreams do come true. Dreams! Well, we'll see. Next topic! Last topic? Yes. As all apartments come to an end, so does this next topic. Okay. The security deposit. Okay. We're not getting ours. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, and? We've drilled a hole in every single wall. Every wall has at least 12 holes in it. We've Done. I mean, at this point, why don't we just paint? We ripped out the blinds, we threw them out. The original blinds. They were broken and they weren't going to replace them. We threw those shitty I requested them to come fix a bunch of shit and they aren't fixing it. I'm like, what do you want me to do? You're not going to fix it? I'm not paying you. We're still paying. No, we're paying them, but I'm not. Getting a security deposit back, I just feel like it's just like, why don't we just call that a move in cost and just fuck off. And just, yeah, fuck, cut it in half, call it a move in cost, and call it a day. I like that. Cut it straight in half. Yeah, it doesn't need to be the full month's rent. I've obviously fucked this place. Yeah. Give me half that. But also it's not gonna cost a full month's rent to fix how we fucked it. You're gonna get some plaster, you're gonna do a bunch of patchwork, and you're gonna paint it. a fault. No, it's not. No, it's not. They have to get new blinds for all this. That's like a, they're fine. They have a whole bunch of them. They literally have a billion buildings. They'll be fine. Literally. They will be fine. They basically had to replace them all anyways because they were all fucked up. Because they're cheap. I hate those plastic blinds. Vertical blinds are the worst. I hate them. The plastic ones. Yeah. Yeah. They are hell. Hate, hate. Um, so yeah. Less move. I don't have any hope. But good luck to everybody looking. I feel bad for the people that are relying on the deposit coming back. Oh, that's never coming back. Yeah, if you're relying on it, why are you relying on it? That money's not yours. Don't. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. You kissed her goodbye long ago. Yeah, you said, oh, thanks for letting me live here. And that's the show. And that's it. Thanks for watching. That was Demon Babie. Yes, it was. And if you want a better topic for next week, tell us. Give it to us. Give us an idea. We do everything here. Talk about it all. Yes, we do. Do it all. Thanks for watching. Like, subscribe, comment. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, not Facebook, not Facebook. Fuck Facebook. Fuck you. How old are we? Uh, that's it. Love you guys. Bye