{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":1.334,"endTime":9.5,"body":"For any of you that follow the podcast, that follow me, that listen to me, you know that I"},{"startTime":1.334,"endTime":9.5,"body":"do things differently, that I see things differently."},{"startTime":9.5,"endTime":23.132,"body":"And despite the fact that I am a conventionally trained physician, a conventionally"},{"startTime":9.5,"endTime":23.132,"body":"trained surgeon, a conventionally trained oncologist, I had my own experience that allowed"},{"startTime":23.132,"endTime":30.018,"body":"me to step out and see this world of breast cancer."},{"startTime":30.334,"endTime":31.835,"body":"in a different way."},{"startTime":32.235,"endTime":39.461,"body":"And it gave me tremendous perspective and led me to the path that I'm on."},{"startTime":39.762,"endTime":44.526,"body":"And I'm so grateful for that."},{"startTime":44.526,"endTime":57.576,"body":"Certainly not for my diagnosis and not for having to be sick and not for having to claw my"},{"startTime":44.526,"endTime":57.576,"body":"way back to health, but for the opportunity to see the world and see my profession and see"},{"startTime":57.576,"endTime":60.078,"body":"my potential in a different way."},{"startTime":61.063,"endTime":75.541,"body":"I have someone here with me today who is so special, whose story is so touching, so"},{"startTime":61.063,"endTime":75.541,"body":"amazing, so moving, and you're gonna get to see her story on the big screen because the"},{"startTime":75.541,"endTime":89.683,"body":"movie of the book that she wrote, which is a fictional, truthful depiction of the journey"},{"startTime":75.541,"endTime":89.683,"body":"that she went on, is coming out in March."},{"startTime":89.683,"endTime":92.545,"body":"So first, let me welcome Christine Handy."},{"startTime":92.545,"endTime":99.141,"body":"I am so delighted to have you here, deeply, deeply touched and honored."},{"startTime":99.141,"endTime":104.285,"body":"And I'm excited for my community to get to hear from you."},{"startTime":104.44,"endTime":105.086,"body":"Thank you."},{"startTime":105.086,"endTime":106.665,"body":"It's nice to be here."},{"startTime":108.796,"endTime":124.246,"body":"So if you haven't had the opportunity to read your book, walk beside me for all of you"},{"startTime":108.796,"endTime":124.246,"body":"that are watching and not listening, this is a really, really moving story and it"},{"startTime":124.246,"endTime":135.913,"body":"triggered a lot of things for me, mostly because I'm really a surgeon at heart and your..."},{"startTime":135.921,"endTime":139.723,"body":"experience with surgeons was not good."},{"startTime":140.724,"endTime":146.028,"body":"And it really, it deeply, deeply bothered me."},{"startTime":146.028,"endTime":151.392,"body":"I mean, it was really troubling for me to read your book and hear your story."},{"startTime":151.632,"endTime":164.721,"body":"So I know obviously you can't summarize it all, but can you give us like the podcast"},{"startTime":151.632,"endTime":164.721,"body":"version of your story so that for those who haven't had a chance to read your book yet?"},{"startTime":164.802,"endTime":165.566,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":165.708,"endTime":172.749,"body":"they can get some insight into what you went through and don't leave the juicy stuff."},{"startTime":174.239,"endTime":182.362,"body":"Well, you know, what I went through is a good way to start because I'm not a victim and"},{"startTime":174.239,"endTime":182.362,"body":"the whole victim mentality is not part of my life."},{"startTime":182.402,"endTime":189.765,"body":"But I will say that I immersed myself in a profession starting at a young age in the"},{"startTime":182.402,"endTime":189.765,"body":"modeling industry."},{"startTime":189.765,"endTime":199.689,"body":"I started modeling when I was 11 years old and it ultimately became my life's journey"},{"startTime":189.765,"endTime":199.689,"body":"through that."},{"startTime":200.57,"endTime":201.336,"body":"Well,"},{"startTime":201.336,"endTime":206.518,"body":"through that profession, but also the background of the profession, right?"},{"startTime":206.518,"endTime":209.019,"body":"It's very externally based."},{"startTime":209.019,"endTime":217.453,"body":"My whole world was externally based, but that's not to say that the industry forced me to"},{"startTime":209.019,"endTime":217.453,"body":"be completely externally based."},{"startTime":217.453,"endTime":222.775,"body":"I as well was focused mostly on materialism, the things outside of me."},{"startTime":222.775,"endTime":229.588,"body":"And I missed the stage of my life that was more introspective when we become young adult"},{"startTime":222.775,"endTime":229.588,"body":"women."},{"startTime":229.644,"endTime":235.109,"body":"where you realize that the external isn't as important as how you feel about yourself."},{"startTime":235.109,"endTime":237.291,"body":"I completely miss that season of my life."},{"startTime":237.291,"endTime":239.337,"body":"correct me if I'm wrong."},{"startTime":239.862,"endTime":245.525,"body":"But I kind of got the sense that that was very much part of your upbringing."},{"startTime":245.545,"endTime":261.203,"body":"That there was a lot of focus on the external, on what people saw, on the perception of"},{"startTime":245.545,"endTime":261.203,"body":"what your appearance was, what your person was, what your house was, what your"},{"startTime":261.203,"endTime":263.802,"body":"neighborhood was, what your school was."},{"startTime":263.802,"endTime":269.357,"body":"I got the sense that that very much came from your upbringing."},{"startTime":269.432,"endTime":271.923,"body":"Well, was a stronghold in my life for sure."},{"startTime":271.923,"endTime":273.713,"body":"But part of it was self-induced."},{"startTime":273.713,"endTime":282.326,"body":"Yes, of course I had the means to live a certain way, but when it becomes your focus,"},{"startTime":273.713,"endTime":282.326,"body":"that's self-induced."},{"startTime":282.326,"endTime":289.948,"body":"so I try, again, a lot of my, I try to take responsibility for my portion of what happened"},{"startTime":282.326,"endTime":289.948,"body":"in my life."},{"startTime":290.028,"endTime":292.129,"body":"And my life is not flattering."},{"startTime":292.129,"endTime":296.782,"body":"know, people think, this was a international model, very successful."},{"startTime":296.782,"endTime":300.282,"body":"And yes, that's lovely and that's part of my story."},{"startTime":300.342,"endTime":307.042,"body":"But, you know, I became, I was hospitalized for anorexia and bulimia when I was 21."},{"startTime":307.042,"endTime":309.662,"body":"And that was a big part of my story."},{"startTime":309.662,"endTime":313.062,"body":"And ultimately I started to have some pretty major illnesses."},{"startTime":313.062,"endTime":316.482,"body":"And that started about the age of 35."},{"startTime":316.702,"endTime":324.282,"body":"First, I had a colon resection, which, you know, I didn't even know what that meant until"},{"startTime":316.702,"endTime":324.282,"body":"I actually had it."},{"startTime":324.282,"endTime":326.57,"body":"And I woke up with a port in my neck."},{"startTime":326.57,"endTime":328.518,"body":"Again, I'd never seen a port in my life."},{"startTime":328.518,"endTime":331.882,"body":"I lived this very privileged life and felt like."},{"startTime":331.882,"endTime":334.118,"body":"what the colon resection was for?"},{"startTime":334.208,"endTime":336.721,"body":"So I had a twisted colon."},{"startTime":336.721,"endTime":339.064,"body":"know, when you're a surgeon, you'll understand this."},{"startTime":339.064,"endTime":345.653,"body":"When you have babies and you're very thin, that can put a lot of pressure on your colon."},{"startTime":345.653,"endTime":347.095,"body":"It can stretch it out."},{"startTime":347.095,"endTime":351.88,"body":"So mine became very stretched out during my pregnancies and it ultimately twisted."},{"startTime":352.102,"endTime":352.609,"body":"And"},{"startTime":352.609,"endTime":356.109,"body":"to be honest with you, I never heard of"},{"startTime":357.608,"endTime":371.662,"body":"And before I had decided to specialize in breast cancer, I actually matched at the"},{"startTime":357.608,"endTime":371.662,"body":"Cleveland Clinic, I know you spent a lot of time there, I matched at the Cleveland Clinic"},{"startTime":371.702,"endTime":373.763,"body":"for colorectal surgery."},{"startTime":373.763,"endTime":376.863,"body":"That's the fellowship I was going to do."},{"startTime":376.863,"endTime":381.084,"body":"So I've done a lot of colon resections."},{"startTime":382.877,"endTime":388.48,"body":"I never heard of the colon stretching because of pregnancy and thin women."},{"startTime":388.48,"endTime":399.985,"body":"So that was a part, I was dying to ask you why that was done because when I was reading"},{"startTime":388.48,"endTime":399.985,"body":"the book, was like, I'm not getting why she needed it."},{"startTime":399.985,"endTime":405.848,"body":"Now, some people have redundancy, like too much, and they have motility problems."},{"startTime":405.848,"endTime":408.109,"body":"So, okay, all right, please continue."},{"startTime":408.109,"endTime":409.229,"body":"Sorry for the interruption."},{"startTime":409.229,"endTime":412.744,"body":"I'm sure, like this is so, all of it is so"},{"startTime":412.744,"endTime":423.833,"body":"fascinating to me because I have my surgery hat on throughout the book and I'm like, my"},{"startTime":412.744,"endTime":423.833,"body":"god, I wanted to crawl out of my skin."},{"startTime":423.896,"endTime":427.848,"body":"So, okay, we'll go back to the colon part of the story."},{"startTime":427.848,"endTime":438.347,"body":"And interestingly enough, I wake up with a port in my neck and a blood transfusion, one of"},{"startTime":427.848,"endTime":438.347,"body":"two, I just had one during surgery, and I almost bled to death in the surgery."},{"startTime":438.347,"endTime":445.402,"body":"And the doctor comes in and he throws himself on my hospital bed and is like, I'm so"},{"startTime":438.347,"endTime":445.402,"body":"sorry."},{"startTime":445.402,"endTime":450.116,"body":"Now that's a guy that doesn't have an ego complex, doesn't have a God complex."},{"startTime":450.116,"endTime":451.136,"body":"And I thought,"},{"startTime":451.254,"endTime":452.749,"body":"Okay, the guy made a mistake, right?"},{"startTime":452.749,"endTime":457.331,"body":"He nicked a bone, a bone, he nicked a vein in one of my bones and"},{"startTime":457.331,"endTime":460.303,"body":"Yeah, that part didn't make sense to me either."},{"startTime":462.266,"endTime":463.086,"body":"What did he hit?"},{"startTime":463.086,"endTime":464.408,"body":"What vessel did he hit?"},{"startTime":464.408,"endTime":466.189,"body":"Did he hit the Eliac?"},{"startTime":466.189,"endTime":475.692,"body":"something in my pelvic bones, and I didn't even know you had blood in the, okay, so I,"},{"startTime":466.189,"endTime":475.692,"body":"yeah, my perception."},{"startTime":476.81,"endTime":478.361,"body":"hit the iliac vein."},{"startTime":478.361,"endTime":483.404,"body":"That's why you think it's a bone because we do have an iliac bone."},{"startTime":483.404,"endTime":489.506,"body":"But he hit the iliac vein that's lying in the posterior part of the pelvis."},{"startTime":489.506,"endTime":492.408,"body":"I mean, that's what I was thinking about the whole time."},{"startTime":492.408,"endTime":495.989,"body":"Like, my God, did he hit the iliac?"},{"startTime":497.368,"endTime":499.006,"body":"Well, must have, because I almost bled to death."},{"startTime":499.006,"endTime":501.507,"body":"Yeah, so that's a disaster."},{"startTime":501.507,"endTime":505.069,"body":"I mean, the only thing bigger than that is the vena cava."},{"startTime":505.489,"endTime":508.181,"body":"And I've been in on vena cava repairs."},{"startTime":508.181,"endTime":509.882,"body":"You'd like try to put a stitch in."},{"startTime":509.882,"endTime":512.073,"body":"It's like sewing tissues together."},{"startTime":512.61,"endTime":519.652,"body":"Right, well not only did I wake up with a port in my neck, I also woke up with from hip to"},{"startTime":512.61,"endTime":519.652,"body":"hip of staples, stitches, you name it."},{"startTime":519.652,"endTime":528.694,"body":"And I said to him before the surgery, because I was still modeling, I was like, you know"},{"startTime":519.652,"endTime":528.694,"body":"those ads in the newspaper, you know those billboards of women in bathing suits and"},{"startTime":528.694,"endTime":530.475,"body":"lingerie, that's me?"},{"startTime":530.495,"endTime":532.356,"body":"Don't cut me wide open."},{"startTime":532.356,"endTime":535.156,"body":"And of course he had to, right?"},{"startTime":535.417,"endTime":540.748,"body":"But for me to put pressure on a surgeon,"},{"startTime":541.048,"endTime":548.63,"body":"To be careful with the scars because of my modeling career is a little insane, right?"},{"startTime":548.947,"endTime":550.357,"body":"No, I get it."},{"startTime":550.357,"endTime":552.998,"body":"I totally 100 % get it."},{"startTime":552.998,"endTime":562.231,"body":"At the same time, when he realized the injury, that should have been the last thing."},{"startTime":562.231,"endTime":570.203,"body":"And I think about, do you remember when Nikki Taylor was in that major, major, major car"},{"startTime":562.231,"endTime":570.203,"body":"accident?"},{"startTime":570.303,"endTime":573.904,"body":"And you know, she has a laparotomy scar."},{"startTime":574.164,"endTime":575.885,"body":"Did she model much after that?"},{"startTime":575.885,"endTime":577.185,"body":"I don't remember."},{"startTime":577.185,"endTime":580.507,"body":"she, you know, of course the industry has shifted, right?"},{"startTime":580.507,"endTime":586.219,"body":"And I, you know, and I'll get to that part of the story later that I'm still in the"},{"startTime":580.507,"endTime":586.219,"body":"industry."},{"startTime":586.34,"endTime":594.304,"body":"But I think because the industry has shifted, it allowed for people like her and myself to"},{"startTime":586.34,"endTime":594.304,"body":"continue in the industry."},{"startTime":594.304,"endTime":604.98,"body":"Had it, Nikki and myself, when we were modeling when our early twenties that you never"},{"startTime":594.304,"endTime":604.98,"body":"would have seen somebody heavier with scars, tatted up."},{"startTime":604.98,"endTime":608.825,"body":"All of this has been in the last like five to 10 years."},{"startTime":608.825,"endTime":612.592,"body":"Yeah, I still don't know how I feel about it."},{"startTime":612.592,"endTime":617.259,"body":"But in any event, that's not what this is about."},{"startTime":618.141,"endTime":626.285,"body":"Yeah, I was just trying to put myself in that place and think like, what would I have done"},{"startTime":618.141,"endTime":626.285,"body":"in that situation?"},{"startTime":626.285,"endTime":638.07,"body":"And I'm nearly certain that you would have gotten a midline laparotomy scar because at"},{"startTime":626.285,"endTime":638.07,"body":"that point I was about damage control, making sure that nothing further happened."},{"startTime":638.07,"endTime":648.208,"body":"And surgeons just aren't used to, general surgeons, gynecologists do it all the time, but"},{"startTime":638.07,"endTime":648.208,"body":"general surgeons are not accustomed to operating"},{"startTime":648.208,"endTime":653.19,"body":"through that fan and steel incision, which is what you're talking about, that hip to hip."},{"startTime":653.911,"endTime":669.774,"body":"Yeah, so I would have said like, in an uncomplicated world, sure, I will try to respect"},{"startTime":653.911,"endTime":669.774,"body":"your lack of incisions on your abdomen, but the second that field filled with blood,"},{"startTime":669.774,"endTime":672.174,"body":"because it was a laparoscopic colon."},{"startTime":672.174,"endTime":673.251,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":673.251,"endTime":680.684,"body":"The second that field filled with blood and you couldn't see anything, you take that"},{"startTime":673.251,"endTime":680.684,"body":"camera out and you open."},{"startTime":680.686,"endTime":683.006,"body":"Yeah, that was his mistake."},{"startTime":683.386,"endTime":683.766,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":683.766,"endTime":695.526,"body":"In fact, my next door neighbor who worked for that hospital, who's an anesthesiologist,"},{"startTime":683.766,"endTime":695.526,"body":"who I asked to be in that surgery with me was there."},{"startTime":695.526,"endTime":696.666,"body":"Thank God."},{"startTime":696.666,"endTime":700.826,"body":"Because he said to the guy, open her up now."},{"startTime":701.086,"endTime":702.806,"body":"Which ultimately he did."},{"startTime":703.546,"endTime":708.364,"body":"Anyway, so that was the first, well, that's what my neighbor said."},{"startTime":708.364,"endTime":712.346,"body":"That was the first kind of major brush with death and major surgery."},{"startTime":712.346,"endTime":716.588,"body":"And then fast forward, okay, so that should have been a full stop for me in my life."},{"startTime":716.588,"endTime":728.443,"body":"Like, okay, maybe we shouldn't care more about the yoga classes than the people in your"},{"startTime":716.588,"endTime":728.443,"body":"life or the body, maybe, you it's your 35, maybe let it go, nothing."},{"startTime":728.443,"endTime":731.465,"body":"I was like, absolutely not, getting back in shape."},{"startTime":731.465,"endTime":732.765,"body":"I have to look a certain way."},{"startTime":732.765,"endTime":735.326,"body":"I have to, this is my job."},{"startTime":736.29,"endTime":745.593,"body":"Fast forward five years, I have a torn ligament in my right wrist and it's not an injury"},{"startTime":736.29,"endTime":745.593,"body":"that happened quickly."},{"startTime":745.593,"endTime":747.353,"body":"It wasn't a car accident, it wasn't an accident."},{"startTime":747.353,"endTime":759.977,"body":"It just was damaged over time, lifting my son's baseball bags, laundry, driving, whatever,"},{"startTime":747.353,"endTime":759.977,"body":"I have small wrists and it was completely torn by the way."},{"startTime":760.337,"endTime":764.638,"body":"And so the doctor, here's where I think"},{"startTime":765.21,"endTime":770.311,"body":"I went wrong because I didn't go wrong on anything other than this."},{"startTime":770.312,"endTime":775.473,"body":"When people tell you that they have the best doctor in town, you need to see that doctor."},{"startTime":775.473,"endTime":776.753,"body":"That's where we go wrong."},{"startTime":776.753,"endTime":779.034,"body":"There's no best doctor."},{"startTime":779.114,"endTime":785.476,"body":"Everybody is human and they come with their own style and personality."},{"startTime":785.736,"endTime":792.358,"body":"But I thought that this guy could do no wrong because he was the Dallas Mavericks."},{"startTime":792.596,"endTime":799.13,"body":"surgeon, orthopedic surgeon, he came from places, people that really admired this guy."},{"startTime":799.13,"endTime":801.771,"body":"And I thought, I am great."},{"startTime":802.311,"endTime":812.137,"body":"So he repaired the torn leg, men and six weeks after the surgery, they take the pretty"},{"startTime":802.311,"endTime":812.137,"body":"pink cast off and my arm balloons and my arm literally looks like my thigh bone."},{"startTime":812.137,"endTime":813.557,"body":"is so swollen."},{"startTime":813.878,"endTime":814.898,"body":"I can't get out of bed."},{"startTime":814.898,"endTime":822.602,"body":"I stopped eating and drinking anything because any movement with my arm is so the pain is"},{"startTime":814.898,"endTime":822.602,"body":"grotesque."},{"startTime":823.042,"endTime":828.29,"body":"So a few days later, he diagnosed me with RSD, which ultimately was not the problem."},{"startTime":828.711,"endTime":832.702,"body":"Then he did a blood test, which he buried."},{"startTime":832.702,"endTime":836.404,"body":"It was positive for a infection."},{"startTime":836.404,"endTime":838.185,"body":"That came out later."},{"startTime":838.368,"endTime":840.103,"body":"He buried it?"},{"startTime":840.258,"endTime":841.439,"body":"He buried it."},{"startTime":842.402,"endTime":849.054,"body":"And that's actually why, how we even like won the, probably won the lawsuit because of"},{"startTime":842.402,"endTime":849.054,"body":"that."},{"startTime":849.269,"endTime":850.332,"body":"Wait, what?"},{"startTime":850.332,"endTime":852.936,"body":"That's psychopathic shit."},{"startTime":853.7,"endTime":859.438,"body":"I mean, that is really, really sociopathic stuff."},{"startTime":859.438,"endTime":867.367,"body":"Well, and it's interesting because that, first of all, I've in chronic pain literally"},{"startTime":859.438,"endTime":867.367,"body":"every moment of every day since this happened."},{"startTime":867.808,"endTime":877.419,"body":"And, but when he took the blood test, it could, it would have sent me in the hospital for"},{"startTime":867.808,"endTime":877.419,"body":"24 hours and my arm would have been completely fine."},{"startTime":877.7,"endTime":879.888,"body":"So for months and months and months, this."},{"startTime":879.888,"endTime":887.333,"body":"to have a post-op infection on his, like that is, well, was it measured then?"},{"startTime":887.333,"endTime":895.248,"body":"I don't know if it was measured then, but they were keeping track of orthopedic surgeons"},{"startTime":887.333,"endTime":895.248,"body":"who had post-operative infections."},{"startTime":895.248,"endTime":901.071,"body":"That was one of the indicators that hospitals were tracking."},{"startTime":901.55,"endTime":905.933,"body":"Well, and was kind of a specialty clinic in Dallas."},{"startTime":905.933,"endTime":907.574,"body":"Yeah, it's just the whole thing."},{"startTime":907.654,"endTime":910.195,"body":"Looking back, it was like the perfect storm."},{"startTime":910.576,"endTime":920.303,"body":"Ultimately, I finally went to see a second opinion eight or nine months into this deal,"},{"startTime":910.576,"endTime":920.303,"body":"and I had osteomyelitis, bone infection."},{"startTime":920.303,"endTime":922.104,"body":"Every bone in my wrist was broken."},{"startTime":922.104,"endTime":924.346,"body":"I had no cartilage left."},{"startTime":924.346,"endTime":929.309,"body":"And all the bones in my wrist had dropped into a pile, and it had partially fused."},{"startTime":929.63,"endTime":930.432,"body":"And so..."},{"startTime":930.432,"endTime":937.304,"body":"I went up to HSS Hospital in New York, found a wonderful orthopedic surgeon that would"},{"startTime":930.432,"endTime":937.304,"body":"take a botched job."},{"startTime":937.304,"endTime":939.424,"body":"Many doctors, as you know, won't."},{"startTime":939.865,"endTime":941.315,"body":"And he said, okay, game over."},{"startTime":941.315,"endTime":943.546,"body":"This has to be fully fused."},{"startTime":943.546,"endTime":952.428,"body":"And I was 41 at the time and he was like, we never ever fully fuse a 41 year old woman's"},{"startTime":943.546,"endTime":952.428,"body":"wrist."},{"startTime":952.428,"endTime":953.608,"body":"We just don't do it."},{"startTime":953.608,"endTime":958.47,"body":"We'll do anything to prevent that because you have no movement."},{"startTime":959.05,"endTime":960.04,"body":"Game over."},{"startTime":960.106,"endTime":972.96,"body":"And so when I was up in New York, because I didn't live in New York, at a hotel for my six"},{"startTime":960.106,"endTime":972.96,"body":"week post arm fusion appointment, with a cast from my fingertips to my shoulder trying to"},{"startTime":972.96,"endTime":977.772,"body":"figure out how am going to live the rest of my life with no wrist on my right arm?"},{"startTime":977.772,"endTime":982.133,"body":"And at no point at that time did I know I'd be in chronic pain as well."},{"startTime":982.793,"endTime":986.036,"body":"And I was in the shower."},{"startTime":986.036,"endTime":993.349,"body":"and I was had for months and months and months with these casts on, I had been pouring"},{"startTime":986.036,"endTime":993.349,"body":"liquid soap over my shoulder and just letting it wash my body."},{"startTime":993.509,"endTime":997.831,"body":"Because if you've ever had a cast from your fingertips to your shoulder, it's very"},{"startTime":993.509,"endTime":997.831,"body":"limiting."},{"startTime":997.831,"endTime":1000.032,"body":"It's you can't even describe it."},{"startTime":1000.072,"endTime":1003.023,"body":"And so that particular hotel didn't have any liquid soap."},{"startTime":1003.023,"endTime":1010.116,"body":"So I took a bar of soap and I tried to wash my breast and I ultimately found a lump when I"},{"startTime":1003.023,"endTime":1010.116,"body":"was washing it with a bar of soap."},{"startTime":1010.316,"endTime":1015.374,"body":"Five days later, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and"},{"startTime":1015.374,"endTime":1017.526,"body":"could not start chemotherapy, right?"},{"startTime":1017.526,"endTime":1022.12,"body":"You get breast cancer and you're diagnosed and you're in shock and you're paralyzed."},{"startTime":1022.12,"endTime":1024.322,"body":"At least I was paralyzed emotionally."},{"startTime":1024.402,"endTime":1026.934,"body":"And then a doctor says to me, well, we can't start chemo."},{"startTime":1026.934,"endTime":1037.974,"body":"We can't start any treatment because your arm, your newly reconstructed fused arm with"},{"startTime":1026.934,"endTime":1037.974,"body":"bone grafts will dissolve."},{"startTime":1038.735,"endTime":1042.018,"body":"So for 30 days, I had to sit tight."},{"startTime":1042.306,"endTime":1048.815,"body":"with all this fear and anxiety waiting to start chemotherapy because of my arm."},{"startTime":1054.228,"endTime":1054.79,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1054.79,"endTime":1055.972,"body":"And, and yeah."},{"startTime":1055.972,"endTime":1057.898,"body":"And then the whole story shifted."},{"startTime":1057.898,"endTime":1059.831,"body":"The whole story shifted."},{"startTime":1059.831,"endTime":1061.692,"body":"yeah."},{"startTime":1061.692,"endTime":1075.278,"body":"So at the risk of being totally reductionist, you know that you got breast cancer because"},{"startTime":1061.692,"endTime":1075.278,"body":"of years of pain and anguish and..."},{"startTime":1075.346,"endTime":1092.932,"body":"your immune system was completely depleted because it was trying to keep you alive and not"},{"startTime":1075.346,"endTime":1092.932,"body":"let you die of overwhelming infection from the untreated infection in your wrist, right?"},{"startTime":1093.152,"endTime":1095.542,"body":"So, like."},{"startTime":1095.542,"endTime":1098.875,"body":"the way, that's comforting to me because I think, okay, well, I'll never get it again."},{"startTime":1098.875,"endTime":1101.227,"body":"That's like my, that's my stronghold."},{"startTime":1102.409,"endTime":1104.103,"body":"I'll never go there."},{"startTime":1104.103,"endTime":1108.685,"body":"your body's way of saying, this is not working."},{"startTime":1109.366,"endTime":1109.716,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1109.716,"endTime":1112.047,"body":"Like, this is not the plan."},{"startTime":1113.228,"endTime":1117.29,"body":"And there's really no other way of saying it."},{"startTime":1118.911,"endTime":1123.734,"body":"when we get these things, these are our messages."},{"startTime":1123.734,"endTime":1127.196,"body":"These are our messages saying that this is not it."},{"startTime":1127.376,"endTime":1127.786,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1127.786,"endTime":1129.224,"body":"Take a different tack."},{"startTime":1129.224,"endTime":1130.035,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1131.508,"endTime":1133.811,"body":"Did you end up having chemotherapy?"},{"startTime":1133.922,"endTime":1135.843,"body":"I had 28 rounds of chemo."},{"startTime":1136.643,"endTime":1139.584,"body":"was 90 pounds wet."},{"startTime":1139.584,"endTime":1143.486,"body":"had Taxol, Adrian Myerson, and Herceptin."},{"startTime":1143.486,"endTime":1145.947,"body":"So I had the red devil to start."},{"startTime":1147.348,"endTime":1151.649,"body":"And by the way, as you know, I'm completely depleted at this point."},{"startTime":1151.749,"endTime":1152.81,"body":"I've lost weight."},{"startTime":1152.81,"endTime":1156.931,"body":"My hair is thinning not from cancer, from the infection in my arm."},{"startTime":1157.152,"endTime":1163.582,"body":"And so I'm going into chemotherapy already a reduced version of myself health-wise."},{"startTime":1163.582,"endTime":1164.705,"body":"you were not at your best."},{"startTime":1164.705,"endTime":1166.11,"body":"You were at your worst."},{"startTime":1166.11,"endTime":1179.27,"body":"threw me into this whole tailspin with chemotherapy because there were three nights, one"},{"startTime":1166.11,"endTime":1179.27,"body":"in March of 2013, one in April where I'm not sure, I definitely didn't know if I was gonna"},{"startTime":1179.27,"endTime":1181.75,"body":"wake up the next day and either did my doctors."},{"startTime":1182.25,"endTime":1188.81,"body":"So you add a bunch of chemotherapy to a depleted system and you, that's very risky."},{"startTime":1190.01,"endTime":1190.426,"body":"So."},{"startTime":1190.426,"endTime":1191.787,"body":"for sure."},{"startTime":1192.147,"endTime":1203.45,"body":"So just out of morbid curiosity, what happened to the doctor that essentially did this to"},{"startTime":1192.147,"endTime":1203.45,"body":"you?"},{"startTime":1203.45,"endTime":1207.991,"body":"I mean, there was no reason that this had to happen."},{"startTime":1207.991,"endTime":1215.389,"body":"the infection been properly identified when it first happened?"},{"startTime":1215.389,"endTime":1220.454,"body":"you would have gone on a course of oral antibiotics and that would have been the end of"},{"startTime":1215.389,"endTime":1220.454,"body":"it."},{"startTime":1220.454,"endTime":1222.476,"body":"Although wait, you had hardware in there."},{"startTime":1222.476,"endTime":1227.86,"body":"I remember you saying that like something was spit out though."},{"startTime":1227.886,"endTime":1228.425,"body":"yes."},{"startTime":1228.425,"endTime":1228.966,"body":"So, okay, yeah."},{"startTime":1228.966,"endTime":1232.966,"body":"So going back to the original arm story, it kept opening."},{"startTime":1233.066,"endTime":1235.306,"body":"The surgical site kept opening."},{"startTime":1235.306,"endTime":1240.646,"body":"And one day, I'm in the bath, I'm just trying to, the pain was so much."},{"startTime":1240.646,"endTime":1244.926,"body":"And all of sudden the opening, it's like spurted out this little silver thing."},{"startTime":1244.926,"endTime":1247.886,"body":"It looked like a staple or a stitch or something."},{"startTime":1248.206,"endTime":1249.826,"body":"Like a clip."},{"startTime":1250.106,"endTime":1251.566,"body":"Like a clip."},{"startTime":1251.826,"endTime":1252.448,"body":"And..."},{"startTime":1252.448,"endTime":1258.31,"body":"We put it into a little bottle, a prescription bottle, and somehow it got thrown away."},{"startTime":1258.31,"endTime":1260.1,"body":"So we didn't have that."},{"startTime":1260.1,"endTime":1265.682,"body":"But two weeks later, something else came out of my wrist, like a little clip."},{"startTime":1265.822,"endTime":1272.094,"body":"And so after these things started happening, that's when I was like, okay, you have to see"},{"startTime":1265.822,"endTime":1272.094,"body":"another doctor because this doctor is not paying attention to you."},{"startTime":1272.094,"endTime":1275.144,"body":"He sent you far away from his office to do PT."},{"startTime":1275.144,"endTime":1277.658,"body":"He doesn't want you anywhere around him."},{"startTime":1277.658,"endTime":1279.806,"body":"And that was very obvious."},{"startTime":1279.846,"endTime":1280.886,"body":"And so"},{"startTime":1280.896,"endTime":1283.272,"body":"Ultimately, yeah, I did finally see another doctor."},{"startTime":1283.272,"endTime":1284.333,"body":"Thank God."},{"startTime":1285.397,"endTime":1286.859,"body":"I might not have an arm."},{"startTime":1287.881,"endTime":1293.571,"body":"Yeah, I mean, I think you hung on to him way longer than I was."},{"startTime":1293.698,"endTime":1294.319,"body":"no, for sure."},{"startTime":1294.319,"endTime":1295.98,"body":"And that was a self-esteem issue."},{"startTime":1295.98,"endTime":1302.385,"body":"And it was also like, I was holding onto this best doctor mentality, which is why I'd like"},{"startTime":1295.98,"endTime":1302.385,"body":"to talk about it."},{"startTime":1302.385,"endTime":1304.046,"body":"There is no best doctor."},{"startTime":1304.066,"endTime":1306.908,"body":"If somebody says you have the best doctor, listen to them."},{"startTime":1306.929,"endTime":1309.33,"body":"You listen to yourself before that."},{"startTime":1309.332,"endTime":1314.626,"body":"Yeah, well, I mean, we talk about this all the time and thank God, thank God, thank God."},{"startTime":1314.626,"endTime":1317.178,"body":"I've been a doctor for a very long time."},{"startTime":1317.178,"endTime":1320.611,"body":"I have never had one legal issue."},{"startTime":1320.611,"endTime":1323.793,"body":"And it's because you have to communicate with people."},{"startTime":1323.954,"endTime":1328.902,"body":"You just have to communicate with people and mistakes will happen for sure."},{"startTime":1328.902,"endTime":1335.824,"body":"I am so fortunate that all my time in the operating room, I never had a major"},{"startTime":1328.902,"endTime":1335.824,"body":"complication, never not once."},{"startTime":1335.824,"endTime":1337.122,"body":"Thank God, thank God."},{"startTime":1337.122,"endTime":1337.651,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":1337.651,"endTime":1339.805,"body":"But have I made mistakes?"},{"startTime":1339.805,"endTime":1342.981,"body":"For sure, 100%."},{"startTime":1342.981,"endTime":1343.29,"body":"100%."},{"startTime":1343.29,"endTime":1345.614,"body":"And they haunt me."},{"startTime":1345.614,"endTime":1346.997,"body":"But you own up to them."},{"startTime":1346.997,"endTime":1348.538,"body":"And you fix them."},{"startTime":1348.679,"endTime":1350.882,"body":"And you fix them quickly."},{"startTime":1350.983,"endTime":1352.061,"body":"Quickly."},{"startTime":1352.061,"endTime":1352.5,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1352.5,"endTime":1365.116,"body":"Like I'm haunted by this woman who I could feel her lymph nodes before surgery and I"},{"startTime":1352.5,"endTime":1365.116,"body":"somehow missed it in the operating room."},{"startTime":1365.116,"endTime":1376.61,"body":"And that was like on a Tuesday and on Friday when I got the pathology report and I"},{"startTime":1365.116,"endTime":1376.61,"body":"realized that I missed it, I was like, we have to go back to the operating room tomorrow."},{"startTime":1376.61,"endTime":1377.901,"body":"And I'm so sorry."},{"startTime":1377.901,"endTime":1381.513,"body":"I mean, I was horrified and embarrassed, embarrassed."},{"startTime":1381.513,"endTime":1382.473,"body":"Like here I am."},{"startTime":1382.473,"endTime":1387.889,"body":"big-deal surgeon and people are coming from all over to use me and I missed it."},{"startTime":1388.43,"endTime":1392.054,"body":"So no one is perfect."},{"startTime":1392.054,"endTime":1397.684,"body":"No one ever ever ever but what you need to be is humble right?"},{"startTime":1397.684,"endTime":1398.475,"body":"in the way."},{"startTime":1398.475,"endTime":1399.335,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1399.535,"endTime":1406.738,"body":"And by the way, and I tell people this all the time, what you guys learn in medical school"},{"startTime":1399.535,"endTime":1406.738,"body":"is first, do no harm."},{"startTime":1407.478,"endTime":1410.26,"body":"First and foremost, and he did harm."},{"startTime":1410.26,"endTime":1423.225,"body":"He harmed me for the rest of my life and he harmed my family and he harmed my friends"},{"startTime":1410.26,"endTime":1423.225,"body":"because the amount of time, attention and resources that we needed for me to be, well, I"},{"startTime":1423.225,"endTime":1425.046,"body":"mean, I'm handicapped in my right arm."},{"startTime":1425.046,"endTime":1425.626,"body":"So."},{"startTime":1425.626,"endTime":1435.07,"body":"and he robbed you of years of your life and experiences and time and all of that."},{"startTime":1436.49,"endTime":1440.492,"body":"But you're in a different place and you have a different perspective."},{"startTime":1441.492,"endTime":1446.274,"body":"And this is all getting told on the big screen."},{"startTime":1446.274,"endTime":1452.676,"body":"So first of all, I want to hear just how was it to write the book?"},{"startTime":1452.857,"endTime":1453.917,"body":"Was it?"},{"startTime":1454.569,"endTime":1457.312,"body":"Was it emotionally cleansing?"},{"startTime":1457.353,"endTime":1459.797,"body":"Did it bring it all back and make it worse?"},{"startTime":1459.797,"endTime":1462.3,"body":"I want to hear about that experience."},{"startTime":1462.606,"endTime":1471.048,"body":"So I had a mountain of women show up for me during these seasons of my life, including the"},{"startTime":1462.606,"endTime":1471.048,"body":"colon, including the arm, and including the cancer."},{"startTime":1471.048,"endTime":1477.95,"body":"And I thought, isn't it interesting how women show up for you, but maybe I wasn't really"},{"startTime":1471.048,"endTime":1477.95,"body":"showing up for myself, right?"},{"startTime":1477.95,"endTime":1479.861,"body":"I allowed this man to bully me."},{"startTime":1479.861,"endTime":1481.961,"body":"I took his word over mine."},{"startTime":1481.961,"endTime":1490.154,"body":"You your intuition is what you should cling to, not somebody else's opinion of something"},{"startTime":1481.961,"endTime":1490.154,"body":"that you know inherently is off."},{"startTime":1490.634,"endTime":1491.474,"body":"And"},{"startTime":1491.52,"endTime":1501.696,"body":"So when all these women showed up for me over and over for 15 months of chemo and 20 plus"},{"startTime":1491.52,"endTime":1501.696,"body":"surgeries, nine on my arm and breast surgeries and all these things, I said to them one"},{"startTime":1501.696,"endTime":1505.428,"body":"day, said, why are you giving up so much for me?"},{"startTime":1505.428,"endTime":1512.081,"body":"And they said, well, someday you're going to learn that showing up for people is the"},{"startTime":1505.428,"endTime":1512.081,"body":"greatest privilege in this world."},{"startTime":1512.081,"endTime":1518.844,"body":"And you're going to be able to live a strong, healthy life when you get through all this"},{"startTime":1512.081,"endTime":1518.844,"body":"stuff and you're going to do that for other people."},{"startTime":1519.085,"endTime":1521.606,"body":"And so the book to me was,"},{"startTime":1522.016,"endTime":1527.808,"body":"was an opportunity to serve and I could show how I did it wrong."},{"startTime":1527.808,"endTime":1536.03,"body":"It wasn't like, I had all these beautiful friends show up for me and everybody in my house"},{"startTime":1527.808,"endTime":1536.03,"body":"showed up for me and I had this great life that was actually the opposite of what was"},{"startTime":1536.03,"endTime":1537.07,"body":"happening."},{"startTime":1537.07,"endTime":1543.332,"body":"I had a very limited help coming from home and which is why all these women showed up for"},{"startTime":1537.07,"endTime":1543.332,"body":"me."},{"startTime":1543.332,"endTime":1551.244,"body":"And I also wanted to show the vulnerability of I did this wrong and then show how I"},{"startTime":1543.332,"endTime":1551.244,"body":"shifted."},{"startTime":1551.424,"endTime":1556.779,"body":"and why self-esteem matters so much and why what you focus on dictates your life, et"},{"startTime":1551.424,"endTime":1556.779,"body":"cetera, et cetera."},{"startTime":1556.779,"endTime":1566.847,"body":"And so I felt like if I could write a book that touched people, maybe I could prevent"},{"startTime":1556.779,"endTime":1566.847,"body":"somebody from doing, have the things happen what I happened, happened to me."},{"startTime":1567.227,"endTime":1574.764,"body":"And so it wasn't cathartic and it wasn't like this major emotional roller coaster."},{"startTime":1574.764,"endTime":1575.855,"body":"was neither."},{"startTime":1575.855,"endTime":1578.737,"body":"It was just an opportunity for me to give back."},{"startTime":1578.737,"endTime":1580.078,"body":"And I knew"},{"startTime":1580.226,"endTime":1592.213,"body":"Because, you can probably attest to this, may be different because I'm not a doctor, but"},{"startTime":1580.226,"endTime":1592.213,"body":"when you are diagnosed with something or you have an illness, everybody is inundated with"},{"startTime":1592.213,"endTime":1593.584,"body":"a lot of medical information."},{"startTime":1593.584,"endTime":1596.195,"body":"And a lot of it we don't understand, obviously."},{"startTime":1596.595,"endTime":1608.142,"body":"And so what we seek out as a patient are stories about this disease I'm about to go"},{"startTime":1596.595,"endTime":1608.142,"body":"through, whether it's in media, whether it's in books, whether it's in TV, whether it's in"},{"startTime":1608.142,"endTime":1608.982,"body":"film."},{"startTime":1608.982,"endTime":1617.209,"body":"And what I was seeking out when I was diagnosed with breast cancer were films, terms of"},{"startTime":1608.982,"endTime":1617.209,"body":"endearment, just illness films, know, stepmother."},{"startTime":1617.209,"endTime":1622.133,"body":"And what I found to be true were most of the films, the patient dies."},{"startTime":1622.214,"endTime":1625.075,"body":"And I thought, well, gosh, I'm going to die."},{"startTime":1625.136,"endTime":1628.079,"body":"There's very little hope in what I'm watching."},{"startTime":1628.079,"endTime":1632.663,"body":"And so I thought, well, that is one narrative, but it's not every narrative."},{"startTime":1632.663,"endTime":1635.185,"body":"There's more people surviving this than dying."},{"startTime":1635.185,"endTime":1637.276,"body":"And why isn't this being shown?"},{"startTime":1637.484,"endTime":1643.276,"body":"And so I thought if there was ever an opportunity for me to get my book made into a film,"},{"startTime":1637.484,"endTime":1643.276,"body":"wouldn't that make a splash in the world?"},{"startTime":1643.276,"endTime":1648.937,"body":"Wouldn't that change the direction of no hope in these films to a direction of hope?"},{"startTime":1648.977,"endTime":1656.179,"body":"Because at the end of the movie, the protagonist, she walks off the screen and she's"},{"startTime":1648.977,"endTime":1656.179,"body":"healthy and she survived and she's thriving."},{"startTime":1656.179,"endTime":1666.422,"body":"And so that's what all these things that I'm trying to do with the book, with the film,"},{"startTime":1656.179,"endTime":1666.422,"body":"with speaking, et cetera, is an opportunity to serve and to show people."},{"startTime":1666.466,"endTime":1668.528,"body":"This is the right way to do it."},{"startTime":1668.528,"endTime":1676.744,"body":"Giving back, showing up, showing a hopeful narrative versus the wrong way, which is what I"},{"startTime":1668.528,"endTime":1676.744,"body":"think too many movies are."},{"startTime":1676.874,"endTime":1678.435,"body":"Yeah, yeah."},{"startTime":1678.856,"endTime":1691.558,"body":"Well, I will just give a shameless plug for my book, The Smart Woman's Guide to Breast"},{"startTime":1678.856,"endTime":1691.558,"body":"Cancer, because when you are in that vulnerable state, I mean, this is exactly why I wrote"},{"startTime":1691.558,"endTime":1692.406,"body":"my book."},{"startTime":1692.406,"endTime":1692.961,"body":"Exactly."},{"startTime":1692.961,"endTime":1702.8,"body":"when you are in that vulnerable state and you are unknowing, you are not a doctor, not a"},{"startTime":1692.961,"endTime":1702.8,"body":"surgeon, and you're not married to one, and your cousin's not one, or your neighbor's not"},{"startTime":1702.8,"endTime":1703.055,"body":"one."},{"startTime":1703.055,"endTime":1711.297,"body":"I mean, not everyone has a doctor on speed dial who they know and trust and can help them,"},{"startTime":1703.055,"endTime":1711.297,"body":"right?"},{"startTime":1711.538,"endTime":1714.581,"body":"And I wrote this to be your doctor on speed dial."},{"startTime":1714.581,"endTime":1719.765,"body":"But from a completely different perspective, because while I know"},{"startTime":1720.33,"endTime":1725.534,"body":"what the pathology report means and what all the standard treatments are."},{"startTime":1725.534,"endTime":1730.53,"body":"And I acknowledge that they have a time and a place."},{"startTime":1730.53,"endTime":1744.306,"body":"I am also giving people all of the tools that they need to put into place to take them to"},{"startTime":1730.53,"endTime":1744.306,"body":"recovery, to take them back to health."},{"startTime":1744.306,"endTime":1749.029,"body":"And for some women, it's the first time that they've ever been healthy in their lives."},{"startTime":1749.39,"endTime":1750.43,"body":"That's beautiful."},{"startTime":1750.43,"endTime":1761.919,"body":"that is really why I wrote the book, because almost no one has the opportunity to make an"},{"startTime":1750.43,"endTime":1761.919,"body":"informed decision, because they don't have the information."},{"startTime":1761.919,"endTime":1763.921,"body":"They don't have the information that they need."},{"startTime":1763.921,"endTime":1770.686,"body":"Maybe they're getting the story of, I'll just cut out the tumor, and you'll be fine, and"},{"startTime":1763.921,"endTime":1770.686,"body":"it's no big deal."},{"startTime":1771.087,"endTime":1779.123,"body":"And you've heard that narrative before, or I've done thousands of these, which admittedly,"},{"startTime":1771.087,"endTime":1779.123,"body":"I did say."},{"startTime":1779.294,"endTime":1780.694,"body":"And it was true."},{"startTime":1781.235,"endTime":1787.057,"body":"And you know, for everyone who was on my table, it was no big deal."},{"startTime":1787.057,"endTime":1789.338,"body":"They did well and they sailed through."},{"startTime":1789.438,"endTime":1802.343,"body":"But there are many, many women who undergo surgery for breast cancer, who undergo"},{"startTime":1789.438,"endTime":1802.343,"body":"treatments for breast cancer, that have no idea what they're getting into."},{"startTime":1802.363,"endTime":1808.315,"body":"They have no idea what to expect in the short term and in the long term."},{"startTime":1808.425,"endTime":1816.952,"body":"Because a lot of these treatments have long-term consequences that people have no idea"},{"startTime":1808.425,"endTime":1816.952,"body":"about and they're so scared."},{"startTime":1817.073,"endTime":1820.295,"body":"just, doc, tell me what to do."},{"startTime":1820.456,"endTime":1821.947,"body":"Tell me what to do."},{"startTime":1822.011,"endTime":1825.814,"body":"I have a lot of long-term effects from chemotherapy."},{"startTime":1825.814,"endTime":1827.585,"body":"have heart issues from the Herceptin."},{"startTime":1827.585,"endTime":1830.437,"body":"I have a liver spot from the Adrian Misen."},{"startTime":1830.437,"endTime":1833.138,"body":"I lost three teeth when I was going through chemo."},{"startTime":1833.319,"endTime":1836.63,"body":"I'm the poster child for what can happen."},{"startTime":1836.63,"endTime":1843.345,"body":"And if I didn't use my voice, maybe people would feel alone and that's not acceptable to"},{"startTime":1836.63,"endTime":1843.345,"body":"me."},{"startTime":1843.986,"endTime":1845.206,"body":"And same with you."},{"startTime":1845.318,"endTime":1849.68,"body":"And you never want to be the cautionary tale."},{"startTime":1851.141,"endTime":1855.004,"body":"But it is important to get the stories out there."},{"startTime":1855.164,"endTime":1861.769,"body":"And it's also important to get the information out there so that people know that there"},{"startTime":1855.164,"endTime":1861.769,"body":"are alternatives."},{"startTime":1861.769,"endTime":1865.03,"body":"And I'm not talking about alternative medicine."},{"startTime":1865.091,"endTime":1868.524,"body":"I'm talking about alternative ways to do it."},{"startTime":1868.524,"endTime":1868.937,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":1868.937,"endTime":1879.186,"body":"it's more effective, that there are less side effects, that you don't have to sacrifice"},{"startTime":1868.937,"endTime":1879.186,"body":"your health for the purpose of treating the disease."},{"startTime":1881.028,"endTime":1892.658,"body":"And that's why it was so important for me to use my voice and tell my story and my"},{"startTime":1881.028,"endTime":1892.658,"body":"experience so that I could help millions of women do it differently."},{"startTime":1892.658,"endTime":1896.588,"body":"And hopefully, God willing, God willing, prevent."},{"startTime":1896.588,"endTime":1899.157,"body":"Yeah, well you have a unique voice for sure."},{"startTime":1900.425,"endTime":1901.824,"body":"I'm going to take that as a compliment."},{"startTime":1901.824,"endTime":1902.494,"body":"It's true."},{"startTime":1902.494,"endTime":1903.382,"body":"You do."},{"startTime":1904.48,"endTime":1916.646,"body":"So I want to get to the movie, but before that, your story really emphasizes the"},{"startTime":1904.48,"endTime":1916.646,"body":"importance of a strong support system, particularly female friendships, because that's"},{"startTime":1916.646,"endTime":1918.837,"body":"what you needed to rely on."},{"startTime":1918.998,"endTime":1921.849,"body":"And I think that this is a big part for people."},{"startTime":1921.849,"endTime":1931.284,"body":"First of all, women, and you had some of this, women feel badly leaning on their"},{"startTime":1921.849,"endTime":1931.284,"body":"community."},{"startTime":1931.564,"endTime":1933.365,"body":"They don't want to burn at anyone."},{"startTime":1933.365,"endTime":1935.106,"body":"They don't want to be anyone's problem."},{"startTime":1935.106,"endTime":1938.088,"body":"They're supposed to be the doers, not the receivers."},{"startTime":1938.088,"endTime":1938.439,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1938.439,"endTime":1941.371,"body":"I mean, this is a real and true issue."},{"startTime":1941.371,"endTime":1947.274,"body":"And I have so many people who say to me, listen, I'm not telling anyone."},{"startTime":1947.315,"endTime":1948.516,"body":"I'm not telling my friends."},{"startTime":1948.516,"endTime":1949.997,"body":"I'm not telling my family."},{"startTime":1949.997,"endTime":1955.92,"body":"I'm just going to, you know, they're going to white-knuckle their way through this alone"},{"startTime":1949.997,"endTime":1955.92,"body":"and just get through it."},{"startTime":1955.921,"endTime":1956.201,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1956.201,"endTime":1957.522,"body":"Just get through it."},{"startTime":1958.102,"endTime":1961.284,"body":"And this is very pervasive."},{"startTime":1961.345,"endTime":1962.165,"body":"So"},{"startTime":1962.899,"endTime":1971.303,"body":"What do you think is missing in the conversations about friendships and healing,"},{"startTime":1962.899,"endTime":1971.303,"body":"especially when women face life-altering challenges?"},{"startTime":1971.704,"endTime":1975.717,"body":"Well, think society teaches that we can do it alone."},{"startTime":1975.717,"endTime":1977.358,"body":"And I think they're wrong."},{"startTime":1977.358,"endTime":1982.952,"body":"I think society also is very much into competition."},{"startTime":1982.952,"endTime":1985.503,"body":"I'm very much into collaboration."},{"startTime":1985.624,"endTime":1988.926,"body":"I think society is a judgmental community."},{"startTime":1988.926,"endTime":1994.75,"body":"I think we need to teach women that judgment is divisive."},{"startTime":1994.75,"endTime":1999.223,"body":"And so I think it starts in middle school and it perpetuates."},{"startTime":1999.223,"endTime":2001.194,"body":"And I think social media has a"},{"startTime":2001.194,"endTime":2009.028,"body":"a part in this, which is why I think stories of honesty and vulnerability are so crucial"},{"startTime":2001.194,"endTime":2009.028,"body":"in the world that we live in."},{"startTime":2009.028,"endTime":2018.122,"body":"And I think this story, especially because I rely on so many other people, where you just"},{"startTime":2009.028,"endTime":2018.122,"body":"have to get rid of your pride and your ego."},{"startTime":2018.122,"endTime":2022.284,"body":"And in the beginning of my diagnosis, first of all, I would not have survived."},{"startTime":2022.284,"endTime":2025.205,"body":"If I had said, you know what, I can do it alone, I couldn't have."},{"startTime":2025.205,"endTime":2027.666,"body":"I was down to nothing."},{"startTime":2028.096,"endTime":2033.231,"body":"And if they didn't help rebuild me, I would never be here and sharing the story."},{"startTime":2033.492,"endTime":2035.451,"body":"so, and plus because I had."},{"startTime":2035.451,"endTime":2040.567,"body":"was by design and intention in that you didn't have a choice."},{"startTime":2040.567,"endTime":2041.437,"body":"No, for sure."},{"startTime":2041.437,"endTime":2044.968,"body":"Because I had to get down to nothing to get rid of my pride."},{"startTime":2045.748,"endTime":2051.13,"body":"I was so caught up in I have to look a certain way in society."},{"startTime":2051.13,"endTime":2057.111,"body":"I was so caught up in carrying a certain bag, which I could no longer carry because I had"},{"startTime":2051.13,"endTime":2057.111,"body":"a fused arm."},{"startTime":2057.151,"endTime":2065.774,"body":"I was so obsessed with what I weighed, what I look like, who liked me, who my friends"},{"startTime":2057.151,"endTime":2065.774,"body":"were, exactly what you said in the beginning, what street I lived on."},{"startTime":2065.774,"endTime":2067.654,"body":"None of that mattered anymore."},{"startTime":2068.384,"endTime":2074.336,"body":"And so, and by the way, my friends said to me, you're not a burden, you're a privilege."},{"startTime":2074.496,"endTime":2082.438,"body":"And if you change your mentality to actually think that, like the modeling industry, as an"},{"startTime":2074.496,"endTime":2082.438,"body":"example, is very transactional."},{"startTime":2082.438,"endTime":2094.942,"body":"When I was a child, when I was in my eight, you know, twenties working, the photographers"},{"startTime":2082.438,"endTime":2094.942,"body":"would say to me, if you do this free job for me, I'll introduce you to this client."},{"startTime":2094.942,"endTime":2096.532,"body":"That's transaction."},{"startTime":2097.002,"endTime":2100.724,"body":"My friends weren't there because they could get something from me."},{"startTime":2100.724,"endTime":2105.475,"body":"They weren't there because they could get some thing later when I was healthy."},{"startTime":2105.475,"endTime":2109.007,"body":"They did it out of sheer selflessness."},{"startTime":2109.387,"endTime":2119.691,"body":"And when you are exposed to that, you realize that the world really does work better on"},{"startTime":2109.387,"endTime":2119.691,"body":"selflessness, not on transaction."},{"startTime":2119.691,"endTime":2124.493,"body":"And so I live my life now serving without any transaction."},{"startTime":2124.493,"endTime":2126.274,"body":"I don't want anything for what I'm doing."},{"startTime":2126.274,"endTime":2128.655,"body":"I'm not asking for anything in return."},{"startTime":2128.655,"endTime":2130.696,"body":"I just want to give freely."},{"startTime":2130.896,"endTime":2141.1,"body":"And so when you get to that place and you believe people, when they tell you that, and"},{"startTime":2130.896,"endTime":2141.1,"body":"they keep showing up and they're teaching you that, then you realize how important"},{"startTime":2141.1,"endTime":2144.821,"body":"collaboration is and you realize how important community is."},{"startTime":2145.542,"endTime":2150.584,"body":"And so for me, I had, lived it and I, and I started to really understand it."},{"startTime":2150.584,"endTime":2153.325,"body":"And then I focused on that and it became my life."},{"startTime":2153.445,"endTime":2156.006,"body":"But so many people get caught up in"},{"startTime":2156.13,"endTime":2161.223,"body":"You know, looking at, as an example, social media, looking at the highlight reels and"},{"startTime":2156.13,"endTime":2161.223,"body":"thinking that actually exists."},{"startTime":2161.223,"endTime":2162.493,"body":"It doesn't."},{"startTime":2162.774,"endTime":2170.688,"body":"And if you focus on those stories, then you're going to think, you know, you're less than,"},{"startTime":2162.774,"endTime":2170.688,"body":"none of us are less than."},{"startTime":2171.699,"endTime":2173.271,"body":"Yeah, I agree with you."},{"startTime":2173.271,"endTime":2180.939,"body":"But again, it is hard because it feels like what you're seeing is real."},{"startTime":2181.646,"endTime":2182.827,"body":"It's not hard for me."},{"startTime":2182.827,"endTime":2186.229,"body":"And maybe that's because I was so pruned."},{"startTime":2186.27,"endTime":2189.152,"body":"All of my limbs got pruned, right?"},{"startTime":2189.152,"endTime":2190.253,"body":"I lost money."},{"startTime":2190.253,"endTime":2191.274,"body":"lost my ex."},{"startTime":2191.274,"endTime":2192.435,"body":"I now have an ex-husband."},{"startTime":2192.435,"endTime":2196.148,"body":"I lost the relationship that I thought I would have forever."},{"startTime":2196.148,"endTime":2197.569,"body":"I lost my beauty."},{"startTime":2197.569,"endTime":2199.782,"body":"lost everything was stripped away."},{"startTime":2199.782,"endTime":2203.444,"body":"But all of those things are built on sand."},{"startTime":2203.705,"endTime":2205.897,"body":"Everything outside of us can be taken away."},{"startTime":2205.897,"endTime":2209.049,"body":"Friendships, relationships, money, beauty, whatever."},{"startTime":2209.049,"endTime":2210.19,"body":"We age."},{"startTime":2210.328,"endTime":2212.459,"body":"But if you, depends on what you rebuild it on."},{"startTime":2212.459,"endTime":2218.521,"body":"If you rebuild it on serving, if you rebuild it on materialism, you're going in the wrong"},{"startTime":2212.459,"endTime":2218.521,"body":"direction."},{"startTime":2218.521,"endTime":2220.492,"body":"If you build it on serving, you're going in the right direction."},{"startTime":2220.492,"endTime":2224.023,"body":"If you build it on hope, you're building the right foundation."},{"startTime":2224.023,"endTime":2228.804,"body":"If you build it on fear, you're building a very big roller coaster."},{"startTime":2229.105,"endTime":2230.125,"body":"And it's a choice."},{"startTime":2230.125,"endTime":2233.506,"body":"How we respond to trauma and pain is a choice."},{"startTime":2236.243,"endTime":2239.776,"body":"Yes, I completely agree with you."},{"startTime":2241.898,"endTime":2252.016,"body":"And we can't always respond in real time because the visceral response is to experience"},{"startTime":2241.898,"endTime":2252.016,"body":"the pain or bury the pain."},{"startTime":2252.016,"endTime":2254.728,"body":"And that's the same thing with trauma."},{"startTime":2254.749,"endTime":2260.494,"body":"The visceral response is either to feel the pain or bury the pain."},{"startTime":2260.494,"endTime":2264.056,"body":"And so many people bury the pain."},{"startTime":2264.494,"endTime":2268.116,"body":"But exactly what you just said is so important for people to hear."},{"startTime":2268.116,"endTime":2276.461,"body":"Because if they hear me saying, just focus on hope, then they're like, yeah, but in the"},{"startTime":2268.116,"endTime":2276.461,"body":"moment, it doesn't feel like I can focus on hope."},{"startTime":2276.461,"endTime":2280.543,"body":"But what you're saying is it doesn't happen in that moment, and that's the truth."},{"startTime":2280.642,"endTime":2290.809,"body":"And so if you can say to yourself, OK, right now, this season of my life may not be"},{"startTime":2280.642,"endTime":2290.809,"body":"hopeful, but I'm reaching for that, and I'm going to start focusing on the hope, even if I"},{"startTime":2290.809,"endTime":2293.62,"body":"don't feel it, that's what we should do."},{"startTime":2294.833,"endTime":2305.622,"body":"And my friend, Givora, reminds me often because the life of an entrepreneur is, my path is"},{"startTime":2294.833,"endTime":2305.622,"body":"not a linear one, right?"},{"startTime":2305.622,"endTime":2308.585,"body":"It's like, hi, low, low, low."},{"startTime":2308.585,"endTime":2314.13,"body":"One step up, two steps back, two steps up, four steps back, and."},{"startTime":2314.13,"endTime":2319.534,"body":"She just constantly reminds me, because I'm changing an industry."},{"startTime":2319.534,"endTime":2327.42,"body":"I'm taking on the mammogram industry, which has been firmly-footed for 50 years."},{"startTime":2327.641,"endTime":2332.925,"body":"So she constantly reminds me that everything is for the good."},{"startTime":2333.426,"endTime":2334.418,"body":"In that."},{"startTime":2334.418,"endTime":2344.625,"body":"when you have these challenges, when these roadblocks are being put in front of you, it's"},{"startTime":2334.418,"endTime":2344.625,"body":"only because that's what you need to get to the next step."},{"startTime":2344.625,"endTime":2347.267,"body":"It's what you need to get to the next level."},{"startTime":2347.267,"endTime":2350.728,"body":"It's what you need to move things forward."},{"startTime":2351.138,"endTime":2352.129,"body":"Yeah, correction."},{"startTime":2352.129,"endTime":2352.669,"body":"Correct."},{"startTime":2352.669,"endTime":2354.661,"body":"Illness is not a death sentence."},{"startTime":2354.661,"endTime":2355.722,"body":"Illness is not."},{"startTime":2355.722,"endTime":2356.663,"body":"It's a season."},{"startTime":2356.663,"endTime":2358.844,"body":"It doesn't have to be a lifetime."},{"startTime":2359.285,"endTime":2366.652,"body":"And when we think about seasons of our life and put it into perspective, it's like, it's"},{"startTime":2359.285,"endTime":2366.652,"body":"like thinking about what we're going to do a year from now versus today."},{"startTime":2366.652,"endTime":2368.073,"body":"We're meant to think about today."},{"startTime":2368.073,"endTime":2370.255,"body":"We're meant to live today, not a year from now."},{"startTime":2370.255,"endTime":2372.316,"body":"It's the same thing with illness."},{"startTime":2372.497,"endTime":2378.784,"body":"We have to build a house in an illness in an uncomfortable space, but eventually we're"},{"startTime":2372.497,"endTime":2378.784,"body":"going to get"},{"startTime":2378.784,"endTime":2389.895,"body":"as much of a white picket as we want, as we can attain, scarred and all with, you you"},{"startTime":2378.784,"endTime":2389.895,"body":"know, it doesn't have to be perfectly white, but we can reach for those things and that's"},{"startTime":2389.895,"endTime":2390.866,"body":"called hope."},{"startTime":2390.89,"endTime":2393.591,"body":"Yeah, and perfection isn't real."},{"startTime":2393.811,"endTime":2394.951,"body":"It's not."},{"startTime":2395.011,"endTime":2396.491,"body":"It doesn't exist."},{"startTime":2397.112,"endTime":2403.673,"body":"So I want to get to the movie a little bit."},{"startTime":2405.014,"endTime":2415.256,"body":"I was having this fascinating conversation with a very, very, very dear friend of mine"},{"startTime":2405.014,"endTime":2415.256,"body":"whose name I will not mention because she does a lot of TV."},{"startTime":2416.693,"endTime":2424.653,"body":"She basically said to me something that I knew was true but didn't want to believe that it"},{"startTime":2416.693,"endTime":2424.653,"body":"was true."},{"startTime":2424.773,"endTime":2432.813,"body":"And she said, if you want to get to that level, you either have to pay or play."},{"startTime":2432.813,"endTime":2436.393,"body":"And by play, she means..."},{"startTime":2436.393,"endTime":2437.629,"body":"know what you mean."},{"startTime":2437.736,"endTime":2449.394,"body":"She means being playful in a place that you normally wouldn't do, but with your partner or"},{"startTime":2437.736,"endTime":2449.394,"body":"spouse or, yes, yes, yes."},{"startTime":2449.795,"endTime":2457.59,"body":"And so you have been educated in the movie industry."},{"startTime":2457.59,"endTime":2460.886,"body":"This is a really big deal for you."},{"startTime":2460.886,"endTime":2463.584,"body":"I wanna hear about the experience."},{"startTime":2464.13,"endTime":2474.218,"body":"Yeah, so my book was approached to be a film by three different entities in 2017 and 2018."},{"startTime":2474.218,"endTime":2482.485,"body":"Ultimately, I signed a contract with an entertainment lawyer to do it with Hamza Films."},{"startTime":2482.525,"endTime":2486.188,"body":"But the two before that were interesting conversations."},{"startTime":2486.188,"endTime":2493.674,"body":"One was an entertainment lawyer who did projects with all the big platforms, Netflix,"},{"startTime":2486.188,"endTime":2493.674,"body":"Amazon Films, et cetera."},{"startTime":2493.878,"endTime":2496.42,"body":"And he was almost going to be kind of a sales agent."},{"startTime":2496.42,"endTime":2503.644,"body":"And I had three, four months of conversations with him, but it just didn't pan out the way"},{"startTime":2496.42,"endTime":2503.644,"body":"I thought it should."},{"startTime":2503.705,"endTime":2513.772,"body":"And then a second group out of Miami approached me and said, okay, we're going to put a"},{"startTime":2503.705,"endTime":2513.772,"body":"bunch of marketing money into you and we're going to then write the screenplay for your"},{"startTime":2513.772,"endTime":2514.072,"body":"book."},{"startTime":2514.072,"endTime":2518.294,"body":"And then we're going to announce it to the world when you're kind of a household name."},{"startTime":2518.295,"endTime":2520.316,"body":"And I was like, well, that's kind of seductive."},{"startTime":2520.316,"endTime":2521.547,"body":"That's kind of cool, right?"},{"startTime":2521.547,"endTime":2523.436,"body":"You're going to pay for all this."},{"startTime":2523.436,"endTime":2524.406,"body":"great."},{"startTime":2524.566,"endTime":2529.438,"body":"So they started to we started to make videos and PR stuff."},{"startTime":2529.438,"endTime":2532.448,"body":"And then they then they gave me the script."},{"startTime":2532.689,"endTime":2538.59,"body":"And the script to the to my book was had a sci fi element."},{"startTime":2538.59,"endTime":2545.782,"body":"And I said to them, wait a minute, my book has nothing to do with aliens and sci fi."},{"startTime":2545.782,"endTime":2547.823,"body":"And they said, Yeah, but that's kind of what the market is."},{"startTime":2547.823,"endTime":2550.033,"body":"And I said, I'm out."},{"startTime":2550.193,"endTime":2553.534,"body":"I'm not going to sack even if this is the only"},{"startTime":2553.538,"endTime":2557.5,"body":"Book, movie, film deal I ever get, not doing this."},{"startTime":2557.621,"endTime":2559.712,"body":"And they were like, I can't believe you would pass this up."},{"startTime":2559.712,"endTime":2564.585,"body":"And I was like, okay, we have to kindly separate."},{"startTime":2564.605,"endTime":2573.3,"body":"And then ultimately Ziet Hamza, who's Hamza Mystique Films approached me and he said, I'd"},{"startTime":2564.605,"endTime":2573.3,"body":"like to collaborate with you."},{"startTime":2573.3,"endTime":2577.753,"body":"I'd like to buy the rights to your book to have a film."},{"startTime":2577.753,"endTime":2579.414,"body":"And I just trusted him."},{"startTime":2579.47,"endTime":2592.37,"body":"And so we both hired entertainment lawyers and we came to an agreement and we signed the"},{"startTime":2579.47,"endTime":2592.37,"body":"contract in 2018 and we raised money and we were supposed to start filming in 2020, May of"},{"startTime":2592.37,"endTime":2593.65,"body":"2020."},{"startTime":2594.21,"endTime":2599.95,"body":"Well, of course COVID happens in March of 2020 and the people that put up the money lost"},{"startTime":2594.21,"endTime":2599.95,"body":"their money."},{"startTime":2600.29,"endTime":2605.95,"body":"So now we're back to zero and most projects"},{"startTime":2606.35,"endTime":2611.69,"body":"I mean, most projects that were started in 2020 never resurrected."},{"startTime":2612.01,"endTime":2617.47,"body":"And people said to me all the time, people in the industry, out of the industry, your"},{"startTime":2612.01,"endTime":2617.47,"body":"projects is dead."},{"startTime":2617.47,"endTime":2620.11,"body":"And I was like, I don't think so."},{"startTime":2620.11,"endTime":2625.71,"body":"Yeah, cause I have faith and I have hope and I don't think so."},{"startTime":2625.71,"endTime":2635.462,"body":"And I'm, I'm really not somebody, I'm alive because I'm not really somebody that says,"},{"startTime":2625.71,"endTime":2635.462,"body":"okay, I'm just going to lay down and not work on this."},{"startTime":2635.991,"endTime":2647.337,"body":"So ultimately it was resurrected and it took a lot of energy and perseverance,"},{"startTime":2635.991,"endTime":2647.337,"body":"determination."},{"startTime":2647.817,"endTime":2651.439,"body":"And then the writer's strike happened."},{"startTime":2651.439,"endTime":2656.382,"body":"And then the actor's strike happened."},{"startTime":2656.382,"endTime":2661.644,"body":"And both of those set us back and cost us money and cost us time."},{"startTime":2661.644,"endTime":2665.266,"body":"And we were in a hurry to get this movie out because as you know,"},{"startTime":2665.368,"endTime":2668.12,"body":"There are so many women that are diagnosed with breast cancer."},{"startTime":2668.12,"endTime":2671.202,"body":"There's ultimately going to be a film about breast cancer."},{"startTime":2671.202,"endTime":2675.184,"body":"And we want it to be ours because we can control the narrative."},{"startTime":2675.885,"endTime":2687.653,"body":"And so by the grace of God, it was filmed last January in Boston and we have an incredible"},{"startTime":2675.885,"endTime":2687.653,"body":"cast of people and we have incredible crew of people."},{"startTime":2687.894,"endTime":2694.118,"body":"And it is a project that is, it was done actually more beautifully and better."},{"startTime":2694.414,"endTime":2697.754,"body":"represented than it would have been in 2020."},{"startTime":2697.754,"endTime":2703.774,"body":"So I'm actually very grateful for the pause because the screenwriter wrote a better"},{"startTime":2697.754,"endTime":2703.774,"body":"script."},{"startTime":2703.774,"endTime":2705.254,"body":"was perfected."},{"startTime":2705.254,"endTime":2709.374,"body":"It was changed over time to be a better script."},{"startTime":2710.843,"endTime":2713.396,"body":"amazing and I'm so glad to hear it."},{"startTime":2715.48,"endTime":2727.569,"body":"Yeah and I know that you are a deeply religious and spiritual woman and I'm just curious"},{"startTime":2715.48,"endTime":2727.569,"body":"how much you think God played a role"},{"startTime":2727.569,"endTime":2732.089,"body":"in all of this, in your recovery, in the timing of this."},{"startTime":2732.089,"endTime":2740.855,"body":"I mean, there were a lot of barriers in your way, and yet you were still so sure that this"},{"startTime":2732.089,"endTime":2740.855,"body":"was gonna happen."},{"startTime":2740.855,"endTime":2744.456,"body":"I had this unnatural piece and that only comes from God."},{"startTime":2744.737,"endTime":2748.494,"body":"And I think, you know, I think God knew that I would write the story."},{"startTime":2748.494,"endTime":2752.7,"body":"I think God knew that I would not give up on the project."},{"startTime":2752.7,"endTime":2759.983,"body":"And I, again, I think this, this movie can help millions and millions and millions of"},{"startTime":2752.7,"endTime":2759.983,"body":"women."},{"startTime":2760.144,"endTime":2763.905,"body":"And so I felt like it was my responsibility to do it."},{"startTime":2763.905,"endTime":2765.806,"body":"Well, I wouldn't have."},{"startTime":2765.862,"endTime":2775.146,"body":"lasted this long if I didn't have faith in something bigger than this world, because the"},{"startTime":2765.862,"endTime":2775.146,"body":"world was throwing all these arrows at me saying, it's not worth it."},{"startTime":2775.146,"endTime":2776.386,"body":"It's not going to get done."},{"startTime":2776.386,"endTime":2777.807,"body":"You're up against Hollywood."},{"startTime":2777.807,"endTime":2779.408,"body":"You're not in the space."},{"startTime":2779.408,"endTime":2783.349,"body":"If I had listened to that, I would never have gotten it done."},{"startTime":2783.349,"endTime":2784.68,"body":"But I wasn't listening to them."},{"startTime":2784.68,"endTime":2786.14,"body":"My measure is not from this world."},{"startTime":2786.14,"endTime":2787.181,"body":"It's from eternal."},{"startTime":2787.181,"endTime":2788.211,"body":"It's God."},{"startTime":2788.211,"endTime":2792.173,"body":"And so at the end of the day, every day I say to God, did I do enough today?"},{"startTime":2792.173,"endTime":2793.223,"body":"Did I help enough people?"},{"startTime":2793.223,"endTime":2795.324,"body":"And if not, show me who to help tomorrow."},{"startTime":2795.67,"endTime":2806.465,"body":"And so when that is your measure and you're not worried about what is the arrows that are"},{"startTime":2795.67,"endTime":2806.465,"body":"thrown up against you, then I think you have a different type of mentality and passion to"},{"startTime":2806.465,"endTime":2809.316,"body":"work through things instead of giving up."},{"startTime":2809.396,"endTime":2813.778,"body":"I'm not one to give up, but especially when it can help millions of people."},{"startTime":2814.902,"endTime":2826.525,"body":"I mean, that is so incredibly touching and it's so, it's so resonates with me and aligns"},{"startTime":2814.902,"endTime":2826.525,"body":"with my mission because, you know, I'm not, I'm not taking on the mammogram industry"},{"startTime":2826.525,"endTime":2830.31,"body":"because I have nothing better to do or I like a good fight, right?"},{"startTime":2830.31,"endTime":2830.96,"body":"Like I."},{"startTime":2830.96,"endTime":2832.213,"body":"self-serving."},{"startTime":2833.381,"endTime":2834.162,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":2834.171,"endTime":2843.818,"body":"I get plenty of rebuke from all over the place, from my colleagues, from women, from"},{"startTime":2834.171,"endTime":2843.818,"body":"industry."},{"startTime":2843.879,"endTime":2851.465,"body":"And I do it because my mission and I know that I am just God's messenger."},{"startTime":2851.512,"endTime":2851.915,"body":"same."},{"startTime":2851.915,"endTime":2860.475,"body":"mission is to change the way that we do things and make this world safer and make this"},{"startTime":2851.915,"endTime":2860.475,"body":"world healthier."},{"startTime":2860.475,"endTime":2870.044,"body":"And I ultimately want to forever change the way that we do this so that our focus is not"},{"startTime":2860.475,"endTime":2870.044,"body":"on illness, but instead on health."},{"startTime":2870.083,"endTime":2870.432,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":2870.432,"endTime":2885.208,"body":"I want to make that change so that millions and millions of women can either prevent a"},{"startTime":2870.432,"endTime":2885.208,"body":"diagnosis or if they get a diagnosis, they can be treated with dignity and learn about"},{"startTime":2885.208,"endTime":2886.388,"body":"true health."},{"startTime":2886.829,"endTime":2887.179,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":2887.179,"endTime":2889.09,"body":"That is my mission."},{"startTime":2889.09,"endTime":2893.452,"body":"And you can't listen to the voices."},{"startTime":2893.452,"endTime":2895.622,"body":"You have to remember who you serve."},{"startTime":2895.622,"endTime":2897.273,"body":"And we serve God."},{"startTime":2897.4,"endTime":2903.312,"body":"Well, and it's funny because when this movie comes out, there will be people that will"},{"startTime":2897.4,"endTime":2903.312,"body":"say, whatever."},{"startTime":2903.312,"endTime":2904.892,"body":"They'll criticize it."},{"startTime":2905.252,"endTime":2909.924,"body":"Maybe from ego, maybe from jealousy, maybe from competition."},{"startTime":2909.924,"endTime":2910.63,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":2910.63,"endTime":2912.054,"body":"It doesn't matter."},{"startTime":2912.054,"endTime":2916.795,"body":"You know, I've kind of thrown out the highest highs and the lowest lows and I kind of live"},{"startTime":2912.054,"endTime":2916.795,"body":"in between."},{"startTime":2917.136,"endTime":2920.657,"body":"I don't care what people think of me."},{"startTime":2920.657,"endTime":2922.577,"body":"If I did, I wouldn't have written the book."},{"startTime":2922.577,"endTime":2926.016,"body":"I wouldn't be so out there, right?"},{"startTime":2926.016,"endTime":2926.806,"body":"And same with you."},{"startTime":2926.806,"endTime":2939.473,"body":"You can't take on an industry that is so tethered in money and in things that are harmful"},{"startTime":2926.806,"endTime":2939.473,"body":"to women."},{"startTime":2939.574,"endTime":2943.435,"body":"You can't take on that and be unscathed."},{"startTime":2943.596,"endTime":2944.976,"body":"It ain't gonna happen."},{"startTime":2945.897,"endTime":2948.158,"body":"So, good for you."},{"startTime":2948.291,"endTime":2956.957,"body":"So when you look in the mirror, and I'm saying that figuratively, not literally."},{"startTime":2959.241,"endTime":2966.348,"body":"What are the major changes from who you were before all of this happened to who you are"},{"startTime":2959.241,"endTime":2966.348,"body":"now?"},{"startTime":2966.712,"endTime":2971.185,"body":"What's funny, because when I look in the mirror, I'm literally scars."},{"startTime":2971.185,"endTime":2976.347,"body":"I mean, I have hundreds of scars on my chest because of the amount of surgeries I've had."},{"startTime":2976.408,"endTime":2979.739,"body":"I have major scars on my arm."},{"startTime":2979.739,"endTime":2982.011,"body":"I have major scars on my stomach."},{"startTime":2982.011,"endTime":2989.515,"body":"I don't feel like there's ever been a time in my life where I felt more beautiful, because"},{"startTime":2982.011,"endTime":2989.515,"body":"my beauty comes from within."},{"startTime":2989.515,"endTime":2995.378,"body":"My beauty is not tethered to whether I have a chest or not, or whether I have a wrist or"},{"startTime":2989.515,"endTime":2995.378,"body":"not, or whether I have all of my colon."},{"startTime":2995.712,"endTime":3000.064,"body":"my beauty is my perception of myself and who I serve."},{"startTime":3000.165,"endTime":3002.182,"body":"And that's all from within."},{"startTime":3002.182,"endTime":3014.252,"body":"So I've taken every stronghold that has, that used to be in my life that was outside of me"},{"startTime":3002.182,"endTime":3014.252,"body":"and only clung to what is inside of me."},{"startTime":3014.252,"endTime":3018.574,"body":"And so I never felt more beautiful as a human being."},{"startTime":3018.655,"endTime":3024.758,"body":"I've also never felt more confident in this world because"},{"startTime":3024.904,"endTime":3028.956,"body":"Again, my strength and my confidence doesn't come from society."},{"startTime":3029.076,"endTime":3030.597,"body":"And I'm still modeling."},{"startTime":3030.597,"endTime":3031.517,"body":"I mean, I'm a model."},{"startTime":3031.517,"endTime":3033.037,"body":"I model in Miami Swim Week."},{"startTime":3033.037,"endTime":3036.679,"body":"I'm one of Victoria's Secret's first ever breastless models."},{"startTime":3036.679,"endTime":3040.871,"body":"I'm out there in a very, society."},{"startTime":3040.871,"endTime":3042.061,"body":"I'm out there."},{"startTime":3042.302,"endTime":3046.684,"body":"But I'm out there shouting from the rooftops, you better work on your self-esteem."},{"startTime":3046.684,"endTime":3052.786,"body":"Because whatever you think of yourself, whatever you believe of yourself, that dictates"},{"startTime":3046.684,"endTime":3052.786,"body":"your life, that dictates your"},{"startTime":3053.42,"endTime":3058.152,"body":"Mine dictated my path to great illness and trusting people that I shouldn't have trusted."},{"startTime":3058.152,"endTime":3062.334,"body":"And I'm the perfect example of what it looks like to depend on society."},{"startTime":3062.334,"endTime":3063.675,"body":"Society's fickle."},{"startTime":3063.675,"endTime":3065.655,"body":"They're not gonna show up for you."},{"startTime":3065.716,"endTime":3071.208,"body":"You gotta show up for yourself and you have to be tethered into something that is a"},{"startTime":3065.716,"endTime":3071.208,"body":"stronghold that is not sand."},{"startTime":3072.991,"endTime":3082.404,"body":"We talk about this all the time in my world that you are a reflection of the five people"},{"startTime":3072.991,"endTime":3082.404,"body":"closest to you."},{"startTime":3083.264,"endTime":3101.169,"body":"What you describe in your book, which I know is a version of the truth, is that you lived"},{"startTime":3083.264,"endTime":3101.169,"body":"amongst people who were very externally focused and yet they were also deeply spiritual."},{"startTime":3101.553,"endTime":3103.887,"body":"and loving and caring."},{"startTime":3103.887,"endTime":3115.056,"body":"I'm curious, are those people still your people or did you have to find new people for"},{"startTime":3103.887,"endTime":3115.056,"body":"this new version of Christine?"},{"startTime":3115.384,"endTime":3126.939,"body":"You know, I think I got so lucky because I picked people way ahead of time that were more"},{"startTime":3115.384,"endTime":3126.939,"body":"emotionally mature, were more godly women than I was."},{"startTime":3127.159,"endTime":3132.601,"body":"And had I not set that up, it would have been a different ending."},{"startTime":3133.041,"endTime":3134.962,"body":"I think I caught up to them."},{"startTime":3135.582,"endTime":3137.683,"body":"So I didn't need to get rid of them."},{"startTime":3138.144,"endTime":3140.164,"body":"I needed to stick with them."},{"startTime":3140.284,"endTime":3142.405,"body":"And I'm lucky they didn't get rid of me."},{"startTime":3144.32,"endTime":3146.88,"body":"I don't even think that that was a possibility."},{"startTime":3146.88,"endTime":3148.891,"body":"No, they wouldn't have, that's the thing."},{"startTime":3148.891,"endTime":3151.854,"body":"Like you gotta find people that will show up."},{"startTime":3151.854,"endTime":3160.641,"body":"And I'd like to say that from age 10 to 40, I showed up for people, but I couldn't say"},{"startTime":3151.854,"endTime":3160.641,"body":"that authentically."},{"startTime":3160.641,"endTime":3163.203,"body":"I would say that I was more transactional."},{"startTime":3163.464,"endTime":3170.509,"body":"And then obviously when you feel great pain and trauma in your life, you have to choose a"},{"startTime":3163.464,"endTime":3170.509,"body":"path."},{"startTime":3170.509,"endTime":3176.494,"body":"I could have gone back to that, but that wasn't the right, that wasn't right."},{"startTime":3177.046,"endTime":3182.737,"body":"And I definitely knew what was right after that season of my life."},{"startTime":3182.779,"endTime":3184.842,"body":"And I wanted to do what was right."},{"startTime":3185.909,"endTime":3199.476,"body":"You know what's funny because I'm early on in my entrepreneurship, but that I'm still way"},{"startTime":3185.909,"endTime":3199.476,"body":"ahead of most people who are just starting out."},{"startTime":3199.736,"endTime":3207.2,"body":"And the people who I'm surrounding myself with are different and they're at a different"},{"startTime":3199.736,"endTime":3207.2,"body":"level."},{"startTime":3207.721,"endTime":3208.501,"body":"And."},{"startTime":3208.745,"endTime":3217.992,"body":"you can see that there are some people who are just entirely 100 % transactional."},{"startTime":3218.534,"endTime":3230.003,"body":"And the only role that you will ever have in their life is if you can do something for"},{"startTime":3218.534,"endTime":3230.003,"body":"them and you know in exchange they will do something for you."},{"startTime":3230.644,"endTime":3236.468,"body":"And then I've had the amazing, unbelievable privilege"},{"startTime":3236.884,"endTime":3246.237,"body":"to meet and have people in my life who are purely looking for friendship."},{"startTime":3246.278,"endTime":3262.534,"body":"And I've had this amazing, amazing experience in the last year to have three or four new"},{"startTime":3246.278,"endTime":3262.534,"body":"people come into my life who are so deeply meaningful and not transactional at all."},{"startTime":3262.534,"endTime":3266.275,"body":"And they have become the friendships that I have."},{"startTime":3266.325,"endTime":3267.825,"body":"that I have cherished."},{"startTime":3267.825,"endTime":3273.985,"body":"And I think, you you've dealt with fame for a really long time."},{"startTime":3274.185,"endTime":3281.845,"body":"So this has probably always been on your radar, but is it even more so now?"},{"startTime":3281.845,"endTime":3290.025,"body":"you careful about who you let in and are you..."},{"startTime":3290.025,"endTime":3297.656,"body":"Do you have radar for those people who are purely looking for a transactional"},{"startTime":3290.025,"endTime":3297.656,"body":"relationship?"},{"startTime":3297.902,"endTime":3309.83,"body":"Well, it's interesting because when, as you know, when you write a book or you're on a"},{"startTime":3297.902,"endTime":3309.83,"body":"mission, with mammograms, you know who, if you call and say, I need you to help me with"},{"startTime":3309.83,"endTime":3318.216,"body":"this, I need to get the word out, I need to get the word out about the film or my book, or"},{"startTime":3309.83,"endTime":3318.216,"body":"can you show up for a book signing, whatever, you know who's going to be there and you"},{"startTime":3318.216,"endTime":3320.997,"body":"know who will do that."},{"startTime":3321.178,"endTime":3327.412,"body":"so I, I as well, part of the reason why I can know who's transactional is because I used"},{"startTime":3321.178,"endTime":3327.412,"body":"to be."},{"startTime":3328.086,"endTime":3329.437,"body":"And I used to have that mindset."},{"startTime":3329.437,"endTime":3337.531,"body":"So now I can see it so easily because I would not, that's not who I am at all, but I know"},{"startTime":3329.437,"endTime":3337.531,"body":"the mindset."},{"startTime":3337.612,"endTime":3349.388,"body":"And I think that because of being known and more known, it comes with responsibility,"},{"startTime":3337.612,"endTime":3349.388,"body":"right?"},{"startTime":3349.388,"endTime":3355.201,"body":"You can't just take everybody and say, okay, everybody's my friend."},{"startTime":3356.724,"endTime":3357.224,"body":"work that way."},{"startTime":3357.224,"endTime":3359.476,"body":"You have to spend time with each person."},{"startTime":3360.077,"endTime":3372.126,"body":"But there are people that you notice that want to hang around more or want to, hey, you"},{"startTime":3360.077,"endTime":3372.126,"body":"know, get your phone number from social media or from, and it's always a bit of a red"},{"startTime":3372.126,"endTime":3372.946,"body":"flag."},{"startTime":3375.829,"endTime":3387.809,"body":"So for people who read your book, and there are a lot of people who read your book, what"},{"startTime":3375.829,"endTime":3387.809,"body":"can they expect from the movie?"},{"startTime":3387.909,"endTime":3390.989,"body":"Are they going to have surprises?"},{"startTime":3391.989,"endTime":3395.249,"body":"Is it a different version?"},{"startTime":3395.96,"endTime":3399.473,"body":"Well, always book to film changes, always."},{"startTime":3399.473,"endTime":3405.777,"body":"Because first of all, in a book, you can have a great deal of characters that can't"},{"startTime":3399.473,"endTime":3405.777,"body":"translate into a film."},{"startTime":3405.938,"endTime":3413.783,"body":"And so if I have 20 characters of friends in my book, which I probably do, there's three"},{"startTime":3405.938,"endTime":3413.783,"body":"main friends in the film."},{"startTime":3414.424,"endTime":3422.77,"body":"I'm not gonna give away the ending because the ending is the last two minutes of the film"},{"startTime":3414.424,"endTime":3422.77,"body":"are going to change people's lives for the better."},{"startTime":3423.477,"endTime":3424.541,"body":"I just got chills."},{"startTime":3424.541,"endTime":3425.682,"body":"for the better."},{"startTime":3425.682,"endTime":3429.764,"body":"It's so important to show what we're showing."},{"startTime":3430.264,"endTime":3433.586,"body":"And I think that's going to shock a lot of people."},{"startTime":3434.006,"endTime":3438.548,"body":"And I also think that it's going to heal a lot of people."},{"startTime":3438.569,"endTime":3440.19,"body":"And that's not in the book."},{"startTime":3440.19,"endTime":3444.171,"body":"Because a lot of the stuff that happened to me is after the book."},{"startTime":3444.532,"endTime":3448.774,"body":"And so that portion is in the film, which isn't in the book."},{"startTime":3451.925,"endTime":3458.569,"body":"So you've become a mentor and an advocate for breast cancer awareness and female"},{"startTime":3451.925,"endTime":3458.569,"body":"empowerment."},{"startTime":3458.569,"endTime":3466.253,"body":"So what lessons from your personal experience do you most frequently share with women who"},{"startTime":3458.569,"endTime":3466.253,"body":"are struggling to see a way forward?"},{"startTime":3467.35,"endTime":3472.705,"body":"I talk a lot about your own thoughts and taking your own thoughts captive."},{"startTime":3472.705,"endTime":3479.661,"body":"When I thought my life was over, I was making decisions because I thought that."},{"startTime":3479.701,"endTime":3487.868,"body":"When I thought there was hope in my life and I could survive this, I was making decisions"},{"startTime":3479.701,"endTime":3487.868,"body":"that demonstrated that too."},{"startTime":3488.209,"endTime":3492.352,"body":"I think that self-talk can be so damaging."},{"startTime":3492.352,"endTime":3494.656,"body":"And I think as women, we do that a lot."},{"startTime":3494.656,"endTime":3495.616,"body":"I'm not good enough."},{"startTime":3495.616,"endTime":3496.677,"body":"I'm not pretty enough."},{"startTime":3496.677,"endTime":3497.868,"body":"Look at these scars."},{"startTime":3497.868,"endTime":3500.089,"body":"Listen, the list goes on."},{"startTime":3500.489,"endTime":3502.87,"body":"I can say that, but I don't say that."},{"startTime":3502.87,"endTime":3503.821,"body":"I'm beautiful."},{"startTime":3503.821,"endTime":3504.671,"body":"I'm loved."},{"startTime":3504.671,"endTime":3505.552,"body":"I'm worthy."},{"startTime":3505.552,"endTime":3509.154,"body":"I'm scarred and I am proud of what I've been through."},{"startTime":3509.154,"endTime":3511.375,"body":"Those are two different narratives."},{"startTime":3511.815,"endTime":3518.179,"body":"And so I think if people take their thoughts captive, if it's negative and say to"},{"startTime":3511.815,"endTime":3518.179,"body":"themselves, how can I turn this around?"},{"startTime":3518.179,"endTime":3521.921,"body":"That starts self-healing and that's a long road."},{"startTime":3521.921,"endTime":3523.922,"body":"And I'm not saying it's going to happen overnight."},{"startTime":3523.922,"endTime":3524.892,"body":"It's not."},{"startTime":3525.24,"endTime":3530.333,"body":"But I think if you can start that road and continue that road, you will become"},{"startTime":3525.24,"endTime":3530.333,"body":"unstoppable."},{"startTime":3530.493,"endTime":3535.376,"body":"I also think, like you said, who you hang around will also dictate your path."},{"startTime":3535.376,"endTime":3547.803,"body":"So if you have people that are saying to you negative things or you're, again, maybe"},{"startTime":3535.376,"endTime":3547.803,"body":"cutting you down or not lifting you up, then I think you need to eliminate those people"},{"startTime":3547.803,"endTime":3549.684,"body":"gracefully in your life."},{"startTime":3550.004,"endTime":3553.586,"body":"I also think that it's critical to serve."},{"startTime":3554.026,"endTime":3556.568,"body":"I've felt great happiness in my life."},{"startTime":3556.568,"endTime":3559.55,"body":"I never felt joy until I served other people."},{"startTime":3560.251,"endTime":3562.102,"body":"And that can come look in different ways."},{"startTime":3562.102,"endTime":3570.1,"body":"Whether you run a write a check to a charity or you want to go serve at a food, you know,"},{"startTime":3562.102,"endTime":3570.1,"body":"in a food bank and things like that."},{"startTime":3570.1,"endTime":3571.471,"body":"I speak in prisons."},{"startTime":3571.471,"endTime":3572.812,"body":"I speak all over the world."},{"startTime":3572.812,"endTime":3577.525,"body":"I've spoken in front of parliament in Berlin recently on patient advocacy issues."},{"startTime":3577.706,"endTime":3583.24,"body":"Whatever you do, if it's for one person, it's serving, you will feel joy."},{"startTime":3583.638,"endTime":3587.467,"body":"And when you serve other people, there's purpose in that."},{"startTime":3587.528,"endTime":3589.814,"body":"And everybody has to have purpose."},{"startTime":3592.758,"endTime":3594.398,"body":"You know, it's amazing."},{"startTime":3594.478,"endTime":3599.958,"body":"I think it's a Harvard study, but I'm not 100 % sure I need to look it up."},{"startTime":3599.958,"endTime":3607.278,"body":"But there is a study that shows that people with cancer who volunteer have longer"},{"startTime":3599.958,"endTime":3607.278,"body":"survival."},{"startTime":3607.998,"endTime":3613.138,"body":"And it has to do with the act of service."},{"startTime":3613.378,"endTime":3619.818,"body":"And also, when you are serving others, you are fulfilling great purpose."},{"startTime":3619.938,"endTime":3621.67,"body":"And yeah."},{"startTime":3621.67,"endTime":3622.61,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3623.21,"endTime":3623.95,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3623.95,"endTime":3626.15,"body":"And you're also getting out of your own junk."},{"startTime":3626.37,"endTime":3629.91,"body":"Like if you just, if you're serving yourself, you're like, oh, I'm in pain."},{"startTime":3629.91,"endTime":3631.21,"body":"My arm hurts."},{"startTime":3631.33,"endTime":3635.51,"body":"I don't look like I used to look and all these other things because you're self-serving,"},{"startTime":3631.33,"endTime":3635.51,"body":"right?"},{"startTime":3635.51,"endTime":3639.79,"body":"But if you're serving other people, you're like, I should, really want to help this"},{"startTime":3635.51,"endTime":3639.79,"body":"person."},{"startTime":3639.79,"endTime":3643.27,"body":"It's getting out of your own mentality in your own stuck."},{"startTime":3644.853,"endTime":3652.52,"body":"So I'm curious because the place that you are now is a very different place than you were."},{"startTime":3653.362,"endTime":3656.524,"body":"So what was the turning point for you?"},{"startTime":3656.525,"endTime":3660.847,"body":"Where did you find this?"},{"startTime":3660.847,"endTime":3663.271,"body":"was down to nothing."},{"startTime":3663.892,"endTime":3669.656,"body":"And I said to myself, if I'm gonna fight for my life, I'm gonna do this differently."},{"startTime":3669.656,"endTime":3677.206,"body":"And I have no idea how I'm gonna do it, but I'm not gonna go through what I went through,"},{"startTime":3669.656,"endTime":3677.206,"body":"which was very confusing."},{"startTime":3677.206,"endTime":3679.665,"body":"I was very lonely in my life."},{"startTime":3679.665,"endTime":3681.866,"body":"And I didn't wanna go back to that."},{"startTime":3682.038,"endTime":3685.01,"body":"And so I just really did a lot of introspective work."},{"startTime":3685.01,"endTime":3692.956,"body":"Obviously I had people show up for me, but there's a lot of times when you're going"},{"startTime":3685.01,"endTime":3692.956,"body":"through chemotherapy or illness where you're alone and you feel alone because people"},{"startTime":3692.956,"endTime":3694.887,"body":"around you don't understand."},{"startTime":3695.287,"endTime":3701.031,"body":"And it was during those times where I did a lot of introspection and figured out what was"},{"startTime":3695.287,"endTime":3701.031,"body":"I focused on?"},{"startTime":3701.031,"endTime":3702.992,"body":"What were the tenants that were my strongholds?"},{"startTime":3702.992,"endTime":3704.893,"body":"What were my false idols?"},{"startTime":3705.214,"endTime":3706.225,"body":"I got to get rid of those."},{"startTime":3706.225,"endTime":3707.926,"body":"What can I replace those with?"},{"startTime":3707.926,"endTime":3711.258,"body":"Those are a lot of, that's a lot of self-reflection."},{"startTime":3711.84,"endTime":3715.632,"body":"And I think it takes a huge amount of courage to do."},{"startTime":3715.893,"endTime":3719.715,"body":"And oftentimes we don't have the courage to do it because we want to quit."},{"startTime":3719.836,"endTime":3724.599,"body":"But if you don't have that courage, lean on other people and you can borrow their courage."},{"startTime":3724.599,"endTime":3728.992,"body":"I think that was one of the smartest things I ever did was borrow courage from other"},{"startTime":3724.599,"endTime":3728.992,"body":"people."},{"startTime":3729.801,"endTime":3734.343,"body":"Yeah, I love that term and I think about that often."},{"startTime":3735.321,"endTime":3749.802,"body":"I want to talk to you about something that was particularly vulnerable for you, but it is"},{"startTime":3735.321,"endTime":3749.802,"body":"a very common thing because as women go through breast cancer treatment and your breast"},{"startTime":3749.802,"endTime":3758.657,"body":"cancer treatment was on the heels of years of illness and debilitation, right?"},{"startTime":3759.879,"endTime":3763.331,"body":"It takes a tremendous toll on your relationship."},{"startTime":3764.032,"endTime":3776.111,"body":"And lots of people, by the time they arrive at their breast cancer diagnosis, part of the"},{"startTime":3764.032,"endTime":3776.111,"body":"reason why they arrived at their breast cancer diagnosis was because they were in a"},{"startTime":3776.111,"endTime":3778.884,"body":"difficult and failing relationship."},{"startTime":3779.185,"endTime":3785.389,"body":"Can you talk about your marriage and what happened and..."},{"startTime":3786.127,"endTime":3790.474,"body":"how it affected you throughout this process."},{"startTime":3790.766,"endTime":3803.906,"body":"Well, I think if you read my book, it's fairly obvious, but I think that for me, I was"},{"startTime":3790.766,"endTime":3803.906,"body":"allowing scraps in my life and scraps were enough for me until it weren't enough for me."},{"startTime":3803.906,"endTime":3808.106,"body":"And now when I choose a partner, I'm not relying on scraps."},{"startTime":3808.106,"endTime":3811.026,"body":"I'm relying on somebody that wants to be all in."},{"startTime":3811.026,"endTime":3814.646,"body":"And so my marriage did dissolve over a long period of time."},{"startTime":3814.646,"endTime":3816.406,"body":"And in all fairness,"},{"startTime":3816.992,"endTime":3826.009,"body":"I had years and years of illness and we don't always, although we say that at the altar,"},{"startTime":3816.992,"endTime":3826.009,"body":"know, in sickness and in health, it's a little different when it's reality."},{"startTime":3826.13,"endTime":3827.531,"body":"And we are friends."},{"startTime":3827.531,"endTime":3829.522,"body":"are, I care about him."},{"startTime":3829.522,"endTime":3831.914,"body":"I would drop everything if he needed me."},{"startTime":3832.515,"endTime":3837.278,"body":"And so we have a good relationship, thankfully, but we do that for our children."},{"startTime":3838.18,"endTime":3846.186,"body":"I just think that I chose, I chose somebody that modeled my family."},{"startTime":3846.728,"endTime":3852.202,"body":"And I chose somebody that was never going to be the guy that showed up for me."},{"startTime":3852.643,"endTime":3855.144,"body":"And instead of being a victim like, he didn't show up for me."},{"startTime":3855.144,"endTime":3856.055,"body":"He should have showed up for me."},{"startTime":3856.055,"endTime":3857.356,"body":"I take responsibility."},{"startTime":3857.356,"endTime":3858.307,"body":"I chose this person."},{"startTime":3858.307,"endTime":3859.288,"body":"I knew it."},{"startTime":3859.288,"endTime":3860.408,"body":"I knew it."},{"startTime":3860.729,"endTime":3862.699,"body":"And he played out who he was."},{"startTime":3862.699,"endTime":3864.071,"body":"We all do."},{"startTime":3864.191,"endTime":3865.933,"body":"We all play out who we are."},{"startTime":3865.933,"endTime":3868.595,"body":"And inherently, I don't think you can change people."},{"startTime":3868.595,"endTime":3871.757,"body":"You can change yourself, but you can't change other people."},{"startTime":3871.877,"endTime":3872.94,"body":"And me,"},{"startTime":3872.94,"endTime":3880.062,"body":"holding out for years for this person to change because I needed him to change was never"},{"startTime":3872.94,"endTime":3880.062,"body":"gonna happen."},{"startTime":3880.524,"endTime":3886.601,"body":"So I ultimately cut ties and we moved on and he's happy and I'm happy and I'm very"},{"startTime":3880.524,"endTime":3886.601,"body":"grateful for that."},{"startTime":3886.601,"endTime":3890.625,"body":"Yeah, but this is not an uncommon scenario."},{"startTime":3890.625,"endTime":3907.663,"body":"And so for the people who are in it, and it happens so often where I see the whole breast"},{"startTime":3890.625,"endTime":3907.663,"body":"cancer experience, and there is an underappreciation for the..."},{"startTime":3910.357,"endTime":3922.302,"body":"how much the relationship before the diagnosis contributed to the diagnosis, because"},{"startTime":3910.357,"endTime":3922.302,"body":"oftentimes it's a result of that relationship that's not working."},{"startTime":3922.402,"endTime":3930.065,"body":"But so many people lose their relationship along with this diagnosis."},{"startTime":3931.186,"endTime":3936.949,"body":"it's amazing to me that we have this shining example of"},{"startTime":3937.662,"endTime":3955.448,"body":"triumph of personal triumph after this diagnosis, that there is a better place and you can"},{"startTime":3937.662,"endTime":3955.448,"body":"move on and you can be a whole complete person and you don't need, I love that you didn't"},{"startTime":3955.448,"endTime":3961.53,"body":"settle for scraps because it was palpable throughout the book that you were like just."},{"startTime":3961.716,"endTime":3963.227,"body":"Here's a little bit of me."},{"startTime":3963.227,"endTime":3964.478,"body":"Here's a little bit of me."},{"startTime":3964.478,"endTime":3965.209,"body":"Deal with that."},{"startTime":3965.209,"endTime":3966.159,"body":"That's all you're getting."},{"startTime":3966.159,"endTime":3969.392,"body":"And that's happening a lot."},{"startTime":3969.812,"endTime":3975.817,"body":"And marriage is really, really, really hard, even in the best scenarios."},{"startTime":3975.891,"endTime":3977.631,"body":"You know, I love my husband."},{"startTime":3977.631,"endTime":3980.892,"body":"have the best husband imaginable."},{"startTime":3980.892,"endTime":3983.883,"body":"He's certainly the best husband for me."},{"startTime":3984.263,"endTime":3990.365,"body":"And as I'm frequently told, you either marry your work or give birth to it."},{"startTime":3990.365,"endTime":3995.246,"body":"And I definitely married my work at the same time."},{"startTime":3995.341,"endTime":3997.787,"body":"You know, it's it is not easy."},{"startTime":3997.787,"endTime":4004.649,"body":"mean, we work on our relationship all the time and you have to work on your relationship"},{"startTime":3997.787,"endTime":4004.649,"body":"all the time."},{"startTime":4004.92,"endTime":4005.253,"body":"you."},{"startTime":4005.253,"endTime":4011.936,"body":"And I'm not saying that all marriages should weather this storm."},{"startTime":4011.936,"endTime":4022.16,"body":"There are many times when maybe the right thing is to not weather the storm and to realize"},{"startTime":4011.936,"endTime":4022.16,"body":"that you are entitled to so much more."},{"startTime":4022.16,"endTime":4024.642,"body":"And I think that that was your realization."},{"startTime":4024.642,"endTime":4026.709,"body":"Yes, I was entitled."},{"startTime":4028.527,"endTime":4033.766,"body":"So tell us about the movie because it's coming out soon, right?"},{"startTime":4033.902,"endTime":4035.762,"body":"The movie's called Hello Beautiful."},{"startTime":4035.762,"endTime":4039.162,"body":"It's coming out this spring, 2025."},{"startTime":4039.902,"endTime":4041.902,"body":"Seven years into this thing."},{"startTime":4043.382,"endTime":4046.776,"body":"And again, no."},{"startTime":4046.776,"endTime":4053.96,"body":"COVID definitely like put a whole wrench into that whole timeline, for sure, for sure."},{"startTime":4054.008,"endTime":4059.684,"body":"But no, movies take years and sometimes a decade."},{"startTime":4059.684,"endTime":4072.697,"body":"So no, it's pretty much on par to what is normal in the industry I'm learning, but it is,"},{"startTime":4059.684,"endTime":4072.697,"body":"you know, it's gonna take a community of people to promote this movie."},{"startTime":4072.697,"endTime":4077.976,"body":"And I'm gonna lean on the breast cancer community, because again, you gotta get it rid of"},{"startTime":4072.697,"endTime":4077.976,"body":"your pride."},{"startTime":4077.976,"endTime":4079.917,"body":"But those are the ones that I want to see it."},{"startTime":4079.917,"endTime":4081.948,"body":"Those are the ones that it's going to help."},{"startTime":4081.948,"endTime":4091.426,"body":"And so we have to ask for help because as you can imagine, there are so many platforms,"},{"startTime":4081.948,"endTime":4091.426,"body":"there are so many different avenues and so many movies."},{"startTime":4091.426,"endTime":4094.328,"body":"And you want to get it to the people that need to see it."},{"startTime":4094.328,"endTime":4098.218,"body":"And so I'll be sending all the stuff to you."},{"startTime":4098.218,"endTime":4099.723,"body":"that's why I'm here."},{"startTime":4099.881,"endTime":4105.785,"body":"And you can lean on me and my community because we are going to be here for you."},{"startTime":4105.926,"endTime":4112.15,"body":"And we're going to shout it from the rooftops because this is a story of triumph."},{"startTime":4112.291,"endTime":4121.308,"body":"And it doesn't mean that it was easy or that it wasn't filled with pain because I don't"},{"startTime":4112.291,"endTime":4121.308,"body":"think that I remember hearing a story."},{"startTime":4121.308,"endTime":4129.264,"body":"And I certainly have never experienced this firsthand as a practitioner."},{"startTime":4129.292,"endTime":4130.078,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":4130.141,"endTime":4134.488,"body":"So it doesn't mean that it was easy, but it is triumphant."},{"startTime":4134.488,"endTime":4136.8,"body":"But we show the pain of a diagnosis."},{"startTime":4136.8,"endTime":4138.151,"body":"We show the pain in the family."},{"startTime":4138.151,"endTime":4150.329,"body":"We show the pain of chemotherapy because people don't want to be represented on film in a"},{"startTime":4138.151,"endTime":4150.329,"body":"way that's like a down pillow."},{"startTime":4150.85,"endTime":4154.072,"body":"They want to see themselves represented accurately."},{"startTime":4154.072,"endTime":4155.693,"body":"And that's what we're showing."},{"startTime":4156.074,"endTime":4156.685,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":4156.685,"endTime":4160.845,"body":"Well, I say all the time, you know, and I'm guilty of it, right?"},{"startTime":4160.845,"endTime":4167.045,"body":"I surround myself with pink and everything's pink and even my car is pink."},{"startTime":4167.045,"endTime":4169.685,"body":"But the truth is that breast cancer is not pink."},{"startTime":4169.805,"endTime":4170.785,"body":"It's not pink."},{"startTime":4170.785,"endTime":4171.765,"body":"It's not pretty."},{"startTime":4171.765,"endTime":4172.805,"body":"It's not soft."},{"startTime":4172.805,"endTime":4174.265,"body":"It's not lovely."},{"startTime":4174.285,"endTime":4176.025,"body":"It's anything but."},{"startTime":4176.565,"endTime":4177.805,"body":"It's not."},{"startTime":4177.885,"endTime":4179.785,"body":"It's not a bow or a ribbon."},{"startTime":4180.445,"endTime":4182.178,"body":"It's not a present."},{"startTime":4182.178,"endTime":4182.984,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":4183.21,"endTime":4184.971,"body":"But it is an opportunity."},{"startTime":4185.912,"endTime":4192.616,"body":"And it is an opportunity to make your life afterwards better than it was before."},{"startTime":4192.736,"endTime":4201.922,"body":"For me, women, if you can choose to see that, if you can choose to embrace that"},{"startTime":4192.736,"endTime":4201.922,"body":"perspective, it is an opportunity to be better."},{"startTime":4204.784,"endTime":4206.725,"body":"So where can people find you?"},{"startTime":4207.118,"endTime":4209.599,"body":"So I'm on all socials."},{"startTime":4210.999,"endTime":4216.12,"body":"On Instagram, which I'm more visible, I think on Instagram, it's Christine Handy one."},{"startTime":4216.261,"endTime":4220.421,"body":"And the one is there because somebody was already Christine Handy before I got on there."},{"startTime":4220.502,"endTime":4226.023,"body":"But my book is on all, know, wherever you can find books, it's there."},{"startTime":4226.203,"endTime":4228.424,"body":"Amazon is an easy way to get it."},{"startTime":4228.564,"endTime":4231.005,"body":"And the book is called Walk Beside Me."},{"startTime":4231.005,"endTime":4232.535,"body":"The movie is called Hello Beautiful."},{"startTime":4232.535,"endTime":4233.555,"body":"They're different titles."},{"startTime":4233.555,"endTime":4236.716,"body":"That happens a lot from books to film."},{"startTime":4237.056,"endTime":4242.418,"body":"And Hello Beautiful, when you see the movie, you're gonna understand why it's titled that,"},{"startTime":4237.056,"endTime":4242.418,"body":"and I'm not gonna give it away."},{"startTime":4242.418,"endTime":4247.845,"body":"Okay, don't give it away because we are all so excited for this."},{"startTime":4248.207,"endTime":4251.772,"body":"And make sure that you get a copy of the book."},{"startTime":4251.772,"endTime":4253.875,"body":"It's Walk Beside Me."},{"startTime":4254.818,"endTime":4256.078,"body":"And..."},{"startTime":4256.178,"endTime":4264.086,"body":"make sure that you follow Christine Handywan on social and we will all be there to support"},{"startTime":4256.178,"endTime":4264.086,"body":"you."},{"startTime":4264.086,"endTime":4276.897,"body":"And the truth is that breast cancer affects nearly everyone because if it's not you and"},{"startTime":4264.086,"endTime":4276.897,"body":"not your mother or your sister, it's going to be your neighbor or your teacher or your"},{"startTime":4276.897,"endTime":4280.669,"body":"friend at church or synagogue or."},{"startTime":4280.669,"endTime":4281.109,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":4281.109,"endTime":4287.752,"body":"know, or your cousin, I mean, it literally touches everyone and it's going to affect"},{"startTime":4281.109,"endTime":4287.752,"body":"everyone."},{"startTime":4287.752,"endTime":4290.303,"body":"So I think that this is so important."},{"startTime":4290.303,"endTime":4292.094,"body":"I love your perspective."},{"startTime":4292.094,"endTime":4295.776,"body":"I love how you came out on the other side."},{"startTime":4295.776,"endTime":4300.049,"body":"It is empowering and a message that we all need to hear."},{"startTime":4300.049,"endTime":4301.379,"body":"So thank you so much."},{"startTime":4301.379,"endTime":4303.16,"body":"Thank you for your time today."},{"startTime":4303.16,"endTime":4306.446,"body":"And I am rooting for you all the way."},{"startTime":4306.446,"endTime":4307.01,"body":"Same."},{"startTime":4307.01,"endTime":4308.043,"body":"Thank you."},{"startTime":4308.317,"endTime":4311.938,"body":"And thank you to all who joined us today, who listened."},{"startTime":4311.938,"endTime":4322.111,"body":"If you like this, share it with a friend, a colleague, make sure that you're following me"},{"startTime":4311.938,"endTime":4322.111,"body":"and that you like it and give us your comments."},{"startTime":4322.111,"endTime":4331.383,"body":"And if you have questions and you want to know more, make sure you send them to me because"},{"startTime":4322.111,"endTime":4331.383,"body":"I actually want to give people follow up."},{"startTime":4331.383,"endTime":4336.325,"body":"know a lot of people have been asking for follow up on YouTube and I am happy to give it"},{"startTime":4331.383,"endTime":4336.325,"body":"to you."},{"startTime":4336.325,"endTime":4338.205,"body":"So send me your questions."},{"startTime":4338.351,"endTime":4342.093,"body":"and know that I will be back next week, same time, same place."},{"startTime":4342.093,"endTime":4342.635,"body":"It's Dr."},{"startTime":4342.635,"endTime":4343.516,"body":"Jen."},{"startTime":4344.06,"endTime":4345.061,"body":"Bye for now."},{"startTime":4350.616,"endTime":4351.61,"body":"I love it."}]}