A Doula is a must!

Join us for the next episode of "Save Yourself First Mama" where we discuss the importance of having a doula for a safe and supported pregnancy. We will explore the role of a doula, the benefits of their care, and how they can advocate for you and your health during this crucial time. Hear about real-life experiences to discover why every mother should have a doula by her side. Don't miss out on this eye-opening discussion – because your health and well-being deserve the best support possible. Tune in to "Save Yourself First Mama" and learn why having a doula is a must for safe and empowering pregnancies. 

Be sure to check out "Save Yourself Mama" guide on Amazon for even more tips and advice on how to confidently navigate the healthcare system and prioritize your own well-being. Let's make your next healthcare visit a truly empowering experience.

Thank you for tuning in to today’s episode ! Don’t forget to grab your copy of her empowering, life saving book, "Save Yourself Mama" – the essential guide for every woman aiming to understand and mitigate the risks of maternal mortality. Stay informed, stay empowered, and let’s continue this journey together!

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Transcript

0:08

Hello, and um, welcome to another episode of Save Yourself First Mama. Um, I am going to be talking about a, you know, a topic that I've been actually wanting to shoot for a long time, and it's, you know, about doulas. You know, one why. You should definitely consider using one. Um, I actually think it could be a must for some of us. And, um, yeah. And so, you know, I, I titled this like, 'cause I want people to understand one, the positive impacts of that. But, um, but I also wanna be a realistic, right? Because there's always risk to any decision you make in life. Nothing is a hundred percent. So I don't wanna come on here and say that, you know, look, a doula is gonna like, change everything and there's absolutely no way that a doula, um, you know, there's no absolute negatives. There's always a pro or a con to something, right? And so I do want to bet. I want to share one, honestly, why it does seem like that that doulas, you know, have been touted as one of the best decisions that you can make for your pregnancy journey. Um, and if you were like me and you lived under a rock and you didn't know that when you were navigating your pregnancy, um, I wanna unpack that for you. And in this episode I'm also gonna talk about, you know, some ideas for some of us that maybe this is just not a possibility for, um. For various reasons that we can review later, um, you know, and what you can do and still hopefully get that same benefit that you would get, you know, from using one. But I will honestly share here that to this day, when I think back to my pregnancy with my twins and the complications that I had, um, and just navigating this whole process, you know, I didn't, I'm not someone that grew up with my birth mom. I have a lot of surrogate moms. Um, but if for anyone that didn't grow up with, with a, um, a mother and who nurtured them, I was there all the way through, you know, to Being a mother yourself, you know that there is a gap that, you know, I don't care how many surrogate mothers you, you, you have, um, it can be really hard to fill that. Um, you know, even people that I know who've been, who are adopted and have had incredible amazing moms who have literally taken, uh, and they are their moms. I mean, they are their, their moms. They have, they feel that void in every way. They still feel a gap. There's still something that they say they feel, um. When, you know, they think about it. Um, obviously that's a very different set of, uh, different void, but, and, and probably not the people that I want to compare to, but this is for people that just have not had that, you know, that that gap, that had a bigger gap where they haven't had that person who's taking on fully that role of I am your mother. You are my daughter, um, for whatever reason. And there's even people that do have their birth moms and they grew up with them. But we all know that not everyone has the capacity to be, you know, the, the, to fill that need, um, that a mother daughter bond should have for whatever reason, mental health reasons. Um, the way that, you know, they themselves were raised, um, that affects the way that that bond develops. So. When I look back on my experiences in my own life, it, it showed me that having had a doula would've Could have been a really, really powerful decision that I could have made. And it's one of my biggest regrets for not taking that maybe a little bit seriously. 'cause I do count myself very fortunate and blessed that it's something that I could have considered and I could have possibly even afforded, um, had I really understood. Um, you know, sort of the pros, the cons a little bit better, their role. And that's the whole purpose of, you know, coming on here and talking about this today is to If you're like me, you may be on the fence or have no idea, or you thought you thought like me, that it was just this fancy luxury thing. Kind of like you would have someone drive you these days like, oh, I have a driver. Um, you know, to me that's kind of how I saw a doula as like just some fancy set of thing that you had, um, because. You know, I think I just thought like, well, everybody's doing it. Everybody gets pregnant. How hard could it be? And, you know, our moms done it. I have enough, I had enough moms around me. Um, you know, they only had their husbands, it seemed like to me. And so I was like, you know what, what, what? I thought a doula was just like this nice city to have. But before we get into that, I do wanna stop here and just. I gave a little background on myself. I know not everyone who you might have just picked this episode to, you know, listen to, um, because something about the title called out to you. So you might be like, who's this? Even speaking? Um, well, I'm Ivy. I, you know, wear a lot of hats. Um, as you've heard before, I'm a. Mom to twin girls. Um, I'm an author of the book, save Yourself Mama, which is what I named this podcast after. Um, and, but it's, it's a deeper calling. I, my background is I'm a clinician. I've got some psych, social work, public health backgrounds, and I try to use all of that. Um, to serve the needs of others and guide them through different spheres, whether that be, you know, wellness, creativity, leadership, uh, and of course maternal health advocacy, um, to improve maternal health for everyone. And so, um, including myself and my, and my, and my, and my family. Um. And, and so yeah, writing Save Yourself Mama was a labor of love. And, um, it's a platform that I want to continue to use to, you know, spread positivity for change and redesign of the system. And so you'll, you'll see any future episodes that you, you listen to. Are really kind of, you know, based on that. So, um, obviously when I do these types of things, I, there's so many ways that you can support for anyone who's looking to do that. Um, you know, getting, uh, the book Save Yourself Mama is a great one. And offering it to someone who you think you know needs to hear that information. Um, and you don't have to be a mom to read it. I really think you, I, I, I feel like you're never more than six foot away from a mother. And so I, I think it's important that everyone in the community around knows how to serve, uh, you know, moms around them, um, better and to keep them safe. Because sadly, one of the, you know, Biggest costs for motherhood, for some people is their lives. Um, and when you hear more about my story, you'll, you'll learn that. So I just wanted to, to say that. So I do appreciate any support that you offer, um, with, with, um, with the book. Um, thank you. Thank you, thank you. So, going back to, to doulas, um, so First of all, I just wanted a base when, when I actually looked up the definition of a doula, I hadn't really done that. It's actually, uh, rooted in a Greek work, which means serving a woman to serve a woman. Um, so obviously I would, um, you know, put that with serving a woman or a mom, uh, a mama on her journey to accomplish this. Incredible feat, which is to bring life to this world. Um, it's dates, centuries, centuries, um, you know, ago. And it, there's lots of evidence in Asian cultures, Egypt, Greece of, you know, women of African, you know. Women being supported during labor and delivery and also postpartum. Um, it's very, very recent. And our culture, you know, now sort of makes it as this sort of, you're strong, you're amazing, do it yourself. You've got this, um, and women, you know, sort of being boastful that, you know, how they navigated these, these things and, and what time shows that? No, it's supposed to be one of the most supported times in our lives as, as women. Um, and, and it sadly isn't for a lot of people. Um, a lot of people don't have partners in the process. They don't even have parents, you know, nearby 'cause they live in other countries or they're deceased. Um, or not present and all of these things while, while juggling the personal things that they are. So, so just from that. That, um, you know, definition alone, I like to have people think about a doula is like, you know, if you were gonna go climb Mount Everest, which to me is not that big a feat when you compare to caring and growing a life in your stomach for nine months and then bringing it into this world and then having to raise it for the rest of your life, right? So it's like, okay. That's way more incredible than going to climb Mount Everest. But if you were going to, if you decided today, oh, I wanna go climb Mount Everest, what would you do? Um, I would hope that you wouldn't just like, Hey, I'm gonna read some books and, um, I'm just gonna do my best and I'm gonna, you know, buy the gear that I think I should get. Maybe talk to a few people who've climbed it and then just go and wing it. No, most likely, just like if you were gonna play a new sport, or professionally at least, you would try to get some kind of a guide, right? Like a tribal guide. Um, you would get a coach if you wanted to play football, and you, you, you need that. Why? Because you already know that you're gonna get way better outcomes, right? If that person that you hire as your coach or your expert guide. The, what you're, what you're purchasing them for or hiring them for is to provide you with support, with guidance and most of all, expert knowledge, right? To help you navigate the challenges and obstacles, um, that may arise. And you might say, oh, but I have my mom, I have my aunt. I have my sister. Yes, you do. But possibly not experts. I mean, unless they've had like 16 children and, you know, but they don't, they haven't navigated Different pregnancy. They're not keeping up to date, they're not certified. They haven't learned the tools of the trades. They don't necessarily learn remedies. Some have been passed down. Again, I don't wanna say that that can't be offered to you by those that are around you. It can be, but the reality is that for, for most of us, especially for like moms and aunties that are around us, it they've, it's just been so long since they've done it and they may not know of like current Things that can be done, um, you know, or they're just like forgotten. I just remember being frustrated with some of, like my friends who had, maybe their kids are like teenagers now. Um, the moms that are in my life, my surrogate moms. Yeah. A lot of the time I'll just get, I don't remember. I don't know. I don't remember. So I'd have to go back into the books and research and go on the internet to look for things and, you know, just the, gosh, the peace of mind and the time I could have saved by, you know, having someone who Inherently should have a lot of that knowledge and would be able to guide me better. And not that, not only that, not just guiding, but also tailoring it for you, right? 'cause also, sometimes it might be a lot of pressure to sort of do something as someone says they did it, but a doula is sort of trained to make sure that they're prioritizing you, your likes, dislikes, your, your, your, your preferences, right? Um, that's something that is, you know, um, Possibly a little bit hard for, for, for a family member or even a friend to, to meet, um, So, yeah, just know, having, knowing that you have that trusted and experienced person to guide you through all of that, and especially the journey of childbirth, um, that's what the research is showing that it has so many positive effects on not just the mom but the baby, um, and the family around. 'cause, you know, it's not as stressful for, for, for the partner or dad, you know, whoever is, you know, supporting you in that pregnancy. And it's, I mean, it There's just that sense of like community and that it's, it's powerful and I think that's why this is a practice that has just been around for a long time. Um, the studies also even showed that people who use doulas have experienced shorter laborers. Very, very decreased likelihood of even needing, like certain medical interventions such as c-sections, decreased need for pain medications, um, because you know, they provide a wide variety of things. They provide emotional support, um, and all of that support. Because if you've read, save Yourself, mama support is the thing that will save you during your pregnancy. And it's something that no one drives home to women because we're expected to do this stuff on our own. Um, you know, to to, to us mamas. You know, we wear it as a badge of honor that, you know, we've navigated these things, but no support, support, support. And that's what most, many, and most doulas, if not all of them provide, are trained to provide that emotional support. And that is directly linked to in every study out there to reduce the rates of postpartum depression. Um, increases your success with other things too, with bonding, with your baby breastfeeding because they have that ability to take on a lot of that stress and anxiety. Um. That, that, that support, that's the antidote, is the support. Um, and, and not only that, they, you have that extra voice because one thing I learned in my privacy is in my pregnancies, I lost the ability mostly, uh, in a very weird, sharp way to advocate for myself, you know? And yes, I had my, my mom and my, um, I'll have to edit it, edit all the bad out, but my battery thing came off. Okay. Let me back drop then. Okay. So yes, I had, you know. One of the skills that I, I, I, I feel like, uh, really diminished greatly during my pregnancy was the ability to advocate for myself. Um, there's just, you know, you're focused just on that baby and you, you are not even able to focus on your own needs. The hormones, um, you know, which you talk about in the book, you know, just your growing life and, and a lot of your priorities shift because of this hormonal influence to just. Being literally focused on the baby. It's very, very hard for a mom to advocate for themselves to focus on their own wellbeing. And I think that's why building this support of community around the mom is something that's crucial. Um, because that doula can advocate for the mom's wishes, they can provide them with, again, that, you know, critical information that they may need to make better informed decisions during their birth. Um, and then You know, for us vulnerable mothers, right? And I, I had a list of that if you, you are lower income marginalized, you know, maybe you don't have access to all the resources and support, right? Um, it makes sense that, you know, without that support you would be more at risk, um, for, for complications. Um, and, and so. That's why the benefits of having a doula for, for, you know, people like, like that is, is incredible. Um, you know, and especially, you know, bipoc mamas, right? Um, mamas of color, um, where we know that we're entering a system where we may not be heard. So, you know, having that support with your, already, with your family, it's, it's, honestly, I think it might be something that would It's priceless. Um, and I wish someone would've explained that to me, and that's why I wanna take the time. Uh, you know, again, I'm not like, I, I, I know some doulas, honestly, I don't actually know a lot. I, I hope through, through this community to, to, to, um, really sort of get to know them. I'd love to invite any, any to my podcast. If you're listening, you're a doula, I would love to chat with you because. I like to hear how doulas work because the other part I do wanna talk about is I don't wanna, again, make this seem like, oh, there's no doulas out there that may be lacking or may not have done. I'm sure someone has a negative review of their experience with, um, you know, with the doula out there. And, um, you know, as, as much as I, I wanna also go over some scenarios where, you know, You might encounter some potential negatives, right. With working with the doula? I think again, we are, we're, we're all in this culture and society where we are meant to be independent and you know, we, we, we, we are not very trusting, you know, we only trust people. We know our family, our right friends. Um. It can be hard for some women to establish that bond with, with someone they don't know. Right. Um, and then also, you know, trying to find one in, in a timely manner, um, you know, um, having that extra person there sometimes I know can be described as like kind of intrusive. 'cause it's like, who are you? But I think that also is just this. Skills of the skills of that particular doula. So if the skills may not have been trained, if that doula may not have been trained appropriately, um, or maybe they cut corners in their certification, um, you know, and that's, that's in every practice, right? So any job out there, you can get a bad plumber, a bad roofer, a bad doctor, uh, a bad PA nurse right there. There's just, there's humans at the end of this. So, you know, um, that's why, and any Any basic you know, person that you're looking to hire, you have to do your research. You have to choose them. Carefully as a professional. So any doula that you hire should make you feel very comfortable and confident and trust in their abilities. Um, by talking very openly and transparently about their experience, who they've used getting reviews, what they could have done better, um, you know, how they've grown, how they, they'll honor you during your birth. So, yeah, open communication, open and, um, open. Um, honesty. It's the same thing I talk about with even your healthcare providers, right? Consider them a part of your healthcare team. Um, your maternal care team, right? Um, so they need to be, you need to be able to talk to them about your expectations, your concerns, your preferences. Um, it needs to be a trusting relationship that they will be there for you to support you. 'cause that the whole point is they're there for support. So. You know, you need to do a thorough interview. Start early, you know, if you are already thinking about getting pregnant, start now. You know, um, I, one of the things is I think we wait too late and we feel the pinch to, to make this, but again, I. I don't wanna water the fact that it's a very personal decision, you know? And I don't know that it's the right choice for absolutely everyone, but I do think there are a ton of people, and I mean a ton that could benefit from, um, choosing to work with one. And for those of people who choose to work with a doula and take the time to pick the one that best fits them, that benefits can be again, priceless. I mean, insurmountable I, me measurable, um, you know, that support is, makes such a big difference in not just your experience, but you know, how informed, confident, empowered you feel. And I think it can save your life. Um, you know, because doulas more and more, their certifications are rigorous. They're, they're trained also to be that extra set of eyes for you to notice when something you know might be going wrong. Outside of, you know, say your doctor or your midwife who may not see you as frequently. So, um, yeah, again, I just want you to know that if you take anything from this episode, even if you're like, ah, I don't think doles are for me, that's okay. I just want you to know that, um. What's important is the support and the community you build around there. So about around yourself when you're pregnant. This is not a small game like you are doing way more than like climbing Mount Everest, like you are performing one of the biggest feats that there are. And what's gonna happen to you in your body is going to make it very hard to care for yourself. And so you need a community around you. I'm so sorry about your partners. You know, males, you know your family. They may not be prepared to provide that support for you, or they might not be as informed or confident, um, you know, as you might think. And so, so I hope that this, you use this episode to choose either way. Now, I wanna also touch on the fact that for some people it is. Physically impossible for them to even have a doula. Use a doula. I know personally I've had family members, friends who live in areas where there's like none, or they're all booked up or, or the ones that you feel like are a fit, you know, just the timing of it. Right. Or you just can't afford one. Um, you know, I know that hopefully in the future this is something that will be covered by insurance and there'll be more access to them. But I wanted to touch on that too, while, you know, for those of So you that, that, you know, don't have that option. I, I want you to know that you can recreate those benefits for yourself. Just like if you've read, you know, the book, save Yourself Mama. You can build a community around you. You just have to start early. It's not something I would start in like the second trimester. I would start it as soon as you find out that you're pregnant, even well before if you can. And you need to have trusted, knowledgeable friends. Family members that can act as support persons during your, your labor and delivery, even if it's virtually, um, you know, any of that. So whether it's people that have had children before, um, people that are knowledgeable on, on having children. So maybe you have friends that are in the medical field, nurse something, you know. Use any of it to your advantage. Um, and you can even attend classes together with your family or friends that you want them in that role to support you better, right? So that you can all learn from it. Um, obviously your partner as well, but I would say think broader than just your partner. You know, add a, add some friends, add some. Parents in there, grandparents and anyone that you trust and that is in, in some aunties, you know, that are, you know, are invested in taking care of you. Um, they're not flaky, you know, you're not sure how much they like you. Like no. This is someone like, who truly caress about you, have a good relationship with, you know, enlist them. Say, Hey, I really, I don't, you know, I can't get a doula for whatever reason, and you know, I really need, this is the support I need. Um. Again, don't forget that there are virtual doula services, so that can be enough. Just having that someone you can keep on FaceTime by phone that can offer offer you support and guidance remotely also has been shown to be, you know, just as beneficial. Um, so As always, I hope that anything that you take away for, the main thing again, you take away is that whatever situation you find yourself, you just have to be able to communicate your needs and your preferences with anyone in your care team. Um, and so, yeah, I really appreciate you listening to this. Um, again, you know, there's so many more amazing packed advice, lifesaving advice, um, in, in the book. Save Yourself, Bomba. It's available on Amazon anywhere that you get your books. Um, and I'm hopefully working on an audio version very, very soon. Um, so if you'd like to help support in any way, leaving an Amazon review is so helpful. Um, I do have a tip jar on my social media. Save yourself, mama. Dot com, um, and on, on, um, Instagram, it's, it's at Save Yourself Mama. Um, and if you, you know, any of that goes to providing more and more tools, um, and resources that are helpful to, to people like you who are about to go on this incredibly amazing journey of bringing life to this world and being a mom and. And we want you to be here long, for a long time to take care of children, and it starts with how you take care of yourself in before and during your pregnancy journey. Until next time, take care.