The Feral Crone Podcast
The Feral Crone Podcast is unapologetic, unfiltered, and gloriously untamed. Hosted by sisters Karen and Deborah—two fierce women over 50 who revel in their wisdom, wit, and wildness—this podcast refuses to soften the edges of aging. Each episode dives headlong into the messy, magical realities of midlife and beyond, weaving sharp humor with raw honesty and a healthy dose of rebellion. From provocative conversations to feral detours, Karen and Deborah reclaim the word crone as a badge of power, inviting listeners to laugh, rage, and rise with them in the second half of life.
The Feral Crone Podcast
Episode 6: The Fleeting and Inspiring Life of Harold the Balloon
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We chase wonder and keep it honest, from Mall World’s shared dreamscape to the science of sleep, then ground it with grief for a beloved ash tree, rage at state violence, and the quiet revolution of saying no. A Stranger Things moment unlocks a new take on power, while decluttering and boundaries give it room to land. And finally we welcome a new member to the Norton family, Harold the balloon. He was here for a good time, not a long time.
An Ode to Harold...
Harold, floating chaos sprite,
Ceiling goblin, gleaming bright,
You weren’t “just” party décor,
You were the guy who saw it all and more,
A shiny spy, a lazy lord,
Our household’s hovering celing ward.
Until one day, your shift was done—
You drooped, you wrinkled, lost your sun,
And with a gentle, papery fall,
You left your post and said, “That’s all.”
So here’s to you, dear Harold balloon,
Patron saint of the living-room,
May every random bit of trash
Live half as large before it crashes.
Unicorn Names And Holiday Humor
SPEAKER_03Welcome to the Feral Chrome Podcast, where we discuss whatever the hell we feel like. I'm Karen, and I'm Dinkel Binkler Intellect. It's my unicorn name. So uh next week, everything is either falling apart or mysteriously aligning. We're diving into dreams, synchronicities, terror revelations, unicorn names, and whatever the hell ball world. So you would be pink or yeah, any turn is gonna start with kinkle, you just bow out.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. You replace any vowel with inkle. Well Karen would be kinkle or kinkler.
SPEAKER_03Kinkle wrinklin.
Solo Outing, Taco Bell, And Small Joys
SPEAKER_03You know, it's kind of funny because yesterday I I went out all by myself because my husband is sick. And so normally it's very typical of me that if I don't have a partner in crime, I stay home. And but I was stir crazy because I had been sick and then I got well, and then it was like holidays and shit, you know. And then I so I have not had any like poop around outings, you know, that's what my husband and I call it when we go just like look at shops or just do some errands. We call it poop around days. So I hadn't had that in a while, and I was starting to like lick the drapes. I mean, it was like time link. And so I was like, all right, I'm gonna go out. And they we had Market of the Strange in town and holiday markets in town, and so I went bopping around and I was thinking, oh, I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to be more engaged with community. And I'm I driving through Taco Bell to get a burrito because I hadn't eaten anything except a piece of pumpkin pie all day, and it was like three o'clock. And the guy in the drive-thru goes, I love your sunglasses. And I said, Oh, thank you. And he goes, They're very movie villain. And I said, Well, I gotta be careful with that because with a name like Karen, I'm to be careful about villain, he goes, Oh no, I can tell you're a good Karen. And I was like, it was it was very cute. But if I was named Kinkle Rinklin, Kinkle Rinklin, then I wouldn't even have to worry about that.
SPEAKER_04That's right. And and I will say, your husband, Peter, Pete. Oh, we laughed about that last night. He's Pinkle Tinkler, pinkle tinkler. He goes, Could it be worse? I think Pinkle Tinkler is one of the best.
SPEAKER_03Did you notice my response to your response to dad's?
SPEAKER_04I laughed so hard. So I put this on Facebook last night, and so our father he said, I hope that you will excuse me from this exercise and utility, because I said I shall henceforth be known only as Dinkle Binkler Inkela. So I said, Of course, dad, of course you're excused. And so Karen puts an asterisk by dinkled. If that would be dad. Can you imagine if we called dad dinkled? Dinkle.
SPEAKER_03Hey Dinkled, how you doing?
SPEAKER_04Some of these are so funny. My friend Teresa is Tinkle Wrinkle Tinkle.
SPEAKER_02And my my hus my husband is is what is it?
SPEAKER_03Jinkle Stinkle and
Paper Chain TikTok And Cozy Crafts
SPEAKER_03what would be really funny is when uh wrapping gifts for the holidays this year is to use unicorn names for everybody. I love that idea. Oh, I may have to I may have to do that because at the end of the day, it produces a little jolt of serotonin. And god damn it, I need some of that.
SPEAKER_04I mean, you find it where you can get it, and I think this is a a very easy way to, you know, make make that little release in your brain that makes you giggle.
SPEAKER_03It's the truth. I mean, it's so funny. I don't know if you wound up on paper chain TikTok or not, but my my daughter and I have, if you inadvertently or on purpose send a video about making paper chains for the holidays, because everyone's now like, fuck big businesses. I'm not gonna go out and buy a bunch of Christmas decor, I'm gonna make paper chains and hang because it's very homey and old school and whatnot. So my daughter and I had made the decision we were gonna make paper chains this year. And uh, and so the minute you share a couple of videos about it, you are then on paper chain TikTok. And it's like it's it's just a whole thing. And so she and I got together. I actually bought a book at the Dollar Tree for $1.25, and I'm just making I'm tearing out the pages and making a paper chain.
SPEAKER_04But um, you want to be the exact opposite of that this year, but we'll get to that when we get to our list.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes. But anyway, it it's like the unicorn names and paper chain tick tock and all of that is kind of that's pretty much my holiday this year.
SPEAKER_04Well, that works. Yeah, I'm actually doing Christmas decor this year, as long as all the other decor.
Topic Lists And Unicorn Name Bit
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's well, we should share our list. Yeah, okay. So you share your list and I'll share mine. Okay, so I've got who even am I anymore? And then I have Domestic God X, retired edition. Ashes to Ash Tree. Money motivation and mayhem. Creativity now with 50% less mojo. The vampire queen will see you now. Yes, and people, ugh. Oh wait, I also have light in the dungeon. My list is kind of long. We may not get to all of these. And synchronicity slaps you with a clue by four.
SPEAKER_04A clue by four.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Okay, your list is more creative.
SPEAKER_03Well, I had help, but go ahead.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Linus Mallworld. Robotifa.
SPEAKER_03I know I can figure that one. I've no under Burbank. Uh-huh. Bad eggs.
SPEAKER_04Question mark. Question mark. Group seven. Craig or synchronicity.
SPEAKER_03And decor. Decor. Decor and all kinds of things. Okay. What if decor had a unicorn name? Dinklinker. Dinkle Kinkler. Dinkle Kinkler. I am going to avoid translating all of our topics into unicorn language. Yes, because that would get pretty weird.
SPEAKER_04I think people would start dropping off quickly. I know, right? Um, I think what works well is when I pick one off yours and you pick one off mine. Okay. All right, good. All right.
SPEAKER_03So I'm picking one off yours.
Mall World: Shared Dreamscapes
SPEAKER_03What is Maul World? Okay.
SPEAKER_04All right. Mall World is a TikTok rabbit hole that I know. I highly recommend this rabbit hole. There's probably a Reddit rabbit hole for this, but and I am very interested in this Mall World rabbit hole only because you know I have these crazy dreams where I go somewhat sometimes back to the same place. Okay. So these but this doesn't seem to be happening a whole lot for Gen X boats. This seems to be a millennial space, mostly.
SPEAKER_03That's weird considering that I think Gen X probably spent more time in malls.
SPEAKER_04Well, the reason they call it mall world is because a bunch of people dream about the same place, and it is a mall, but there's more than a mall because they but they they all just start describing places within mall world that have the same places within them, and they even have like certain people who work at certain stores in the mall as like NPCs, and they're they're the same people in other people's dreams.
SPEAKER_03Okay, I fucking love this. Yes, and some do you do you remember when we were doing shamanic journey work and we were meeting up? Yes, yes, it's like shared consciousness. Well, and it also reminds me of if you listen to the podcast The Telepathy Tapes when they talk about the hill, the hill.
SPEAKER_04That's what got me interested because I need this rabbit hole. I'm fascinated by the hill and by the telepathy tapes, and that they these are just everyday people, these aren't people on the spectrum, nonverbal people. These are folks who are just who are not non-verbal people, right?
SPEAKER_03Right, right. Well, okay, yeah, I shouldn't even say autistic, they're just not non-verbal, right?
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_03They're verbal, they're verbal.
SPEAKER_04So they and then the coolest thing, and and the probably the best way to get introduced to Mall World is just to do a search on TikTok or Mall World. I'm gonna do that a hundred percent. People have people have drawn maps, and and then they compare their maps, and their maps are similar, and they have like a whole terrain, so it goes beyond the mall. And then there's a whole area like in the top right quadrant where there were like where there was like um a tsunami, and that's like the tsunami zone. And I mean, I I could go on and on that that I don't have it like I only went through this rabbit hole like a couple nights on TikTok, and then it kind of faded out of my algorithm. How did you not send this to me? Oh my gosh, how did I not send this to you?
SPEAKER_03Because this is like I'm not sure what I sent my alley.
SPEAKER_04It really is. Maybe I thought I wanted to bring it up on the pod.
SPEAKER_03Oh, well, that would make sense.
SPEAKER_04And so I wanted to save it, but yes, you definitely need to look at it, look into it. It's probably on Reddit, I would imagine. This is kind of a Reddit type thing, but but in on TikTok, people are actually showing their maps and talking about it and be on video, so it's even more compelling.
SPEAKER_03That's so interesting. Cause I've done like with again with shamanic journey work, my astral space or whatever you would call it, like I have a map in my head, yeah, of it. Like I know where different tunnels go or where a staircase goes, or you know, which path to take to get here. And so I I get that piece of it. But the idea, because I used to um try to meet up with a I had a uh boyfriend years ago, and we would try to meet up. We we would make an agreement, like we're gonna try and both look for warehouse 23 in our dreams because we were trying to have dream link ups. And we never, I think the closest I got was actually getting to a place called warehouse 23, but I never actually made contact.
SPEAKER_04Um okay, I have a synchronicity with that because a couple months ago I had a really, really weird dream that actually ended up being what what a dream for someone else that that about someone else, like for someone else. It was I've had that happen. This is a and this is a bigger topic, which I don't know I want to go totally go into, but it was basically a
Science Of Sleep And Consciousness
SPEAKER_04dream about my husband's cousins. We talked about it on the pod last week. Oh, we did talk about okay. I think so. So in that dream, when I so remember, I I woke up on the bus and I thought I was really on the bus and I was in a story, I was completely far away from home, but I ended up walking around the corner and I was in a row of warehouses. Okay, okay, okay, those warehouses, there is a row of warehouses in Maul World. Oh, yeah. So that was the one synchronicity that I had with Maul World beyond the tsunami zone, because I've been in a world, I have been in the in a tsunami like type aftermath as well in some of my like catastrophe dreams.
SPEAKER_03That's interesting. Uh, because I've definitely had what I I call them tidal wave dreams because I mean same thing. Yeah, although it's weird because when I see tsunamis, like actual tsunamis video footage, the wall of water is never as tall as it is in my dreams.
SPEAKER_04Well, but you see tsunami dreams, you see tsunami videos from the top, you don't see them coming out. You're gonna see them from people from above from hotel rooms or their apartments.
SPEAKER_03You're never seen from and I'm always ground level in my dream.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. If you you would never see a video from the ground because those people would be dead or running, yeah, or running, or the video would be destroyed.
SPEAKER_03Like you would never see that. True, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Okay, well, yeah, okay. So that's well, and that's interesting because like I've always considered my tsunami dreams to be it's usually like being swept away by emotion kind of feelings. Like when I've got some massive emotional thing coming at me, that's usually when I have water dreams, and those are usually the tsunami dreams.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Um, so you gotta go in the street. Interesting. Well, maybe next time we can talk about what you discover from your from your dip into Mall World.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for sure. Because did you? I think I sent you also sent you a video uh, and I need to dig into this a little bit more about how they've started there's some sort of scientific research now and caveat. I've done no investigation to find out how valid any of this is, but I I because I didn't know we were going to be talking about it or I would have. Yeah. But there was there's something about how they're starting to measure uh the human brain in sleep, and they can detect the moment that your consciousness actually goes bye-bye in the world. I know and they go to a central location. Yes, okay.
SPEAKER_04I just have to calm down. I just peaked, I just peaked on the meter into the red, and I'm gonna have to edit this later. Okay, I was just telling Justin about this yesterday, and he's giving me the big, like, yeah, right eyes. But I told him I was gonna spend the weekend on this and I will be doing this today. This is on my list of things to do the today was to read more and more and more and more about this. That that we do, we go somewhere else, yeah. And I I I don't know what that actually means, like in a science. And I want to that's what I want to dive into.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I want I want more understanding of the science to because I've had the experiences. Have you ever had dream visitors? Yeah, like interacting with external entities in your dreams, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_04Yes, and I have more dream stuff on my list, by the way. So do I. Um, but yeah, so yeah, so that's that this goes along with Mall World. I just don't have I haven't read enough about it to speak intelligently yet. More topic, but otherwise I would have had more to say today, but yesterday kind of got away from me. Um, but yes, I'm gonna do some more research and studying on exactly like the the science of it because I don't want to get woo-woo on it, I want to be real about it, you know. I want to do both. Well, yeah, but I could be woo-woo now. I want to also have the science. Well, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's super that's super cool. Well, because I mean, like there's so much bullshit in the world right now, there's so much just conflict and
Woo-Woo Vs Data: Staying Grounded
SPEAKER_03strife and discomfort that the idea that we can actually legitimately connect in another like space, maybe a purer space, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04I mean, it feels it feels pure, more pure. Yeah, it's enticing, and I feel like it's the kind of thing that I think you and I and people like us have been looking for our whole lives. Uh-huh. I know that space, like a space like Mall World, or or whatever this space is, or the hill. And now that it's it's seemingly starting to materialize in some way, I'm more and more like careful because I I don't know. I think I think maybe it's a little bit of the whole Neptune finally moving into Aries that I I'm trying not to get carried away by speculation. I'm trying not to get carried away by woo-woo anymore. I'm trying to be grounded because I don't want to get on it, go on another trip anymore. I want to stay real. I want to know what's real. I'm I'm like I'm like past, I don't know how to describe it, but I'm I'm kind of like fed up and past the point of being taken for a ride anymore.
SPEAKER_03That's that's interesting. I I think I I process it differently. Yeah because well, yeah, because any because I believe that the only reality we have access to is via our own experiences. Agree. So that's real, right? So it my dream experiences, my shamanic journey work experiences, my meditation experiences, you know, any of that kind of stuff is my reality. That is real to me. So when I'm in that, I actually feel more like myself than I do. So maybe I'm equating real and grounded with mundane, and I'm less interested in mundane.
SPEAKER_04No, I I'm not talking about mundane. I am saying, hmm, what am I saying? Okay, for example, last week, and I'm gonna get into this topic when I talk about Burbank, because I went down to Burbank for work and had some incredible experiences just having conversations with my coworkers, which is always a cool experience because I work with really cool people. But one of my coworkers was talking about the bandela effect, and something like the Mandela effect. I used to be like, oh my god, you know, this is so cool. It's so weird. And now I look at the Mandela effect and I'm like, eh. So it's things like that. It's like I'm not as willing to get taken for a ride by things like that. And so I'm just more careful. I want to read up more about what they figured out about the brain. Like, so I always want to say, okay, this is the concept small world, but now they have this whatever discovery about the brain and consciousness. So I want to read up on that too. It's kind of like it's kind of like three eye atlas. Like I see these fantastical videos on on TikTok about three eye atlas that they did, they're discovering this and that and this. I immediately go on on and read the real NASA website. And I so I'm counterbalancing myself constantly with the fantastical and the and then the opposite of that, which is the very dry. Facts that happened. That's what I'm trying to say.
SPEAKER_03Okay, that makes sense to me. I'm just trying to say that it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean you're pushing away the incredible. It just means that you want to have a more rounded understanding of it.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. I don't want to push away the real science aspect of what's going on and get pulled into a delusion. I'm trying to surf round it.
SPEAKER_03We started when we started our first podcast, it you we were looking into the whole Schumann residence thing, right? Yes. And everyone likes to get all, you know, have their buttholes blown with hot air over the Schumann residence when all it really has to do is with like electrical storms or whatever. You know what I mean? And so I get that. And I I think that that's kind of where
Telepathy Tapes And NDE Curiosity
SPEAKER_03I am generally. Like that's kind of how I because I mean I I work in you and you do too in a realm of data, right? And so I always like to have the data, but the minute the data is matching up with some of my more spiritual experiences, that's when I light up for sure.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. That's when it gets very exciting and interesting. I mean, that's why the telepathy tapes so I I know.
SPEAKER_03And I think I think their next season may be out. I haven't listened to it yet. So I'm you haven't? Oh, I've been listening. I've listened to the previous seasons plus the talk tracks, but I haven't listened to anything since it's out. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I have I've already listened to like three episodes. Nice.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, I'm excited about that because again, that's they're they're marrying it with science. It's not just speculation and it's not just woo-woo, it is grounded.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they've they cover near-death experiences.
SPEAKER_03Oh, and you know, oh, I'm so glad to know that because my son was having a uh an ex existential crisis, like mortality fears about a month ago. And my son is not what I would consider, he's not a spiritual seeker, but he definitely has a lot of fear when it comes to the idea of the extinguishment of identity or like the non-existence. He has a real issue with non-existence. And so the way he soothed himself was delving into near-death experiences, and that's how he started feeling better. And so that means if there are some episodes about that, I can send those to him.
SPEAKER_04I would there's one and I think he should send that that episode to him. I think I mean honestly, I think he would find the whole podcast interesting, but that particular one I would send him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. That's good
Ashes To Ashtree: Grief And Safety
SPEAKER_04to know. All right, all right, let's get the tough one out of the way and do ashes to ashtree.
SPEAKER_03Ashes to ashtree. I'm really sad. I'm sad too. It's it's a this is a it's a pretty quick topic, but so and it kind of ties in slightly with with something else. But okay, so the day that you and I and my husband and your husband and some other members of the community were going to be putting on our conclave of the sovereign, the the sovereign court or whatever, that morning, I it we were having a pretty major rain and windstorm. In fact, they had to move the entire event indoors because of it, because the winds were so blustery that trying to put up an outdoor enclosure would have been a fool's errand. Right. It was pretty nasty, it was really nasty. And so I, for whatever reason, oh, I know. I looked out my window. I have this little tiny greenhouse that has like the the roof of it are flaps that can open and close. And I noticed that the wind had blown the top open. And so I stepped outside in the gale to go close it and kind of lock it down. And I literally took two steps when all of a sudden I heard this cracking noise and a giant limb from my ash tree just fell, bounced off the power lines and sparked and then hit the ground with a huge thud. And our power went out for just a few seconds, like it was like less than 30 seconds, and then it came back on. I cannot believe it didn't actually down the power line altogether. Cause for a second, I thought we were gonna really be fooked. And it was a bad day because we had like this big commitment that evening, you know? And um, and I was like, great, now I'm gonna have like everything on fire and everything, but then nothing happened. It was just so weird. And yet my nervous system was dysregulated for the rest of the day, right? So um we had this giant branch like laying in our backyard, and so we need to have something done. And we wanted to find out about the safety of the tree. I have a deep, deep love. It, but it's also situated such that should it fall, it will fall on my bedroom. So we had a um we had someone come out to take a look at it, and they confirmed that we're gonna have to have that tree taken down because it's lost all of its weight on the side facing away from my house. And so the only remaining weight is toward my house, and it's already leaning a little bit toward my house, and so it's gonna have to come down. They said there's no weight, so beautiful, it's beautiful. The leaves turn in the fall, they go from green to purple to orange. I mean, it's just glorious, and like it's one of those where you come around the corner when you're driving home, and I could see it from houses and houses away, and I'd be like, that's home. So when the person came out to give us an estimate, he said that the limb that fell was roughly 2,000 pounds, which really helped because I I felt a little dumb for being so dysregulated for the rest of the day. But when I realized that what I saw was 2,000 pounds hitting the ground and bouncing off power lines, I was like, oh, it's fair. I feel like vindicated, justified, you know, I mean validated. So, and so anyway, then I had a conversation with your son, who works as an arborist, because we're gonna get a quote from him too. And then he told me an even sadder piece of information that there is a a beetle, an emerald borer beetle or something like that, that is attacking ash trees in Oregon. And eventually there will be no ash trees in Oregon at all anymore. And that I don't know, it hit me like I don't know. I I'm in a place of deep mourning for my tree and for the ash trees of Oregon.
SPEAKER_04It is really sad, really sad.
SPEAKER_03And so I don't know. And the thing is, it's like for someone who has a deep love for my garden, this changes everything because one of the biggest things you have to take into consideration with a garden is the amount of sunlight. Of course. I my gar my there will be sunlight in new places. It's it's literally going to change the entire basic, you know. I I don't even know. I I and I've been working, I I had my my stepson came and he helped clear out our mugwort patch. And so we were getting ready to reset in our garden anyway, but we were going to do it in a way where it was, you know, with the light that we understood, you know, and now it's all different. And so I don't even know. I've never seen my backyard without that tree. Oh, and then when I came home from New Orleans and the leaves had all fallen, I suddenly realized I had seen
Burbank Trip: Ideology, Empathy, Change
SPEAKER_03its leaves for the last time and didn't know it was for the last time. So I'm just I I mean, and some people probably would think I'm a dork for being this sentimental and and emotional about a tree, but fuck you. I loved my trees. No, I think it I mean how long have you lived there? 18 years. Almost 19.
SPEAKER_04That's like a member of your family. It is a member of my family. I actually think more people would understand than you think, Karen, because I think people who have lived in homes for that long would definitely understand. Because it you look outside, and that's that's what you see every day for 20 years. I don't know. I think people, I think more people would understand than you think.
SPEAKER_03The branch that fell is the branch that we had attached to my 18-year-old kitty's dope on a rope setup. Oh, and so it was like a oh god, I'm gonna cry. It was like a final blow, you know.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because that was part of how he enjoyed the backyard.
SPEAKER_03Yep. If it would string a line up that he you attached him to, so yeah, so he he could run around about half of the backyard, but without any, I mean, and obviously we never left him out there by himself, but that he loved going outside, but it wasn't safe because there are assholes in my neighborhood who shoot cats with BB guns. Yeah. And so to keep to allow him to have, I mean, it's like some of my last moments with him were in the shade of that tree. Oh carry. Anyway, so that's Ash's task.
SPEAKER_04I mean, it's okay to feel sad and it's healthy to have your feelings, so are all part of it.
SPEAKER_03You know, feelings are dumb. I don't like them.
SPEAKER_04Well, let's pick a silly topic then to move on to.
SPEAKER_03Um, let me find one of yours. Well, let's do Burbank.
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay. Since we already teased Burbank.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so this is really interesting. So I may have talked about this at some podcast, but basically I work with it's a small group, but in particular, two guys who are fascinating guys. One is a army veteran, and the other is and and he's maybe mid-40s, and the other is evangelical, maybe close to 40, and uh very different, very different guys. I'm gonna I'm gonna give them different names. I'll call the younger one Jay. No, you mean Jinkle. Jinkle. And the other the older one is Binkle.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Jinkle and Binkle.
SPEAKER_04Okay. So Binkle is more of a leftist, I'd say like a libertarian leftist. Got it. Um, more of an anarchist, if anything. And Jinkle is a toe-of-the-line evangelical conservative family values guy. But with a good heart, okay, not a crazy one. So we were when we visited oh, and every time we're there, we're like a crazy trio. Like we will be chatting and talking and smoking pot in the parking lot of the hotel for all hours and making each other laugh and solving the world's problems and talking about stupid shit. Like we just have a good time, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So all three, even the straight as an arrow. Yeah, oh yeah, all three of us. Yeah, got it.
SPEAKER_04We just we just have a blast together. But he smokes weed. He didn't actually he didn't smoke any weed this year, but he uh, but sometimes um he's not he's not straight laced. Got it. Okay, yeah, not at all. He just really, really loves Jesus. Okay. So we so three years ago, we had a lot of times it's we talk about politics. So three years ago, we talked a lot about politics. It was my first trip down. That was the inaugural trip, where we really realized that we have this great vibe and we enjoy chatting. Uh, and then he told us that he did not vote for Trump. And so we had a good conversation, and and I taught him about what trans people really are and what that means, because he was very confused about it. And I taught him about pronouns because he was confused about that, and like it was interesting, and he listens, he listens to me. And Binkle has always got interesting things to say about his experiences in the military and the way he looks at the world, and so a lot of it ends up being me and Binkle teaching Jinkle about the real world. But Jinkle has been very open and and and interested. And then we also listen to Jinkle as well. You know, he's more of a prepper type, um, and he talks to us about why he he's a prepper and what he sees and how he sees the world. So then last year we had a meetup again, and we were in the parking lot smoking, and um, we got about a little ways into the conversation until Jinkle admitted that he voted for Trump. And it was two weeks post-election, and my heart fucking broke. And and that's when I realized that Jinkle has some racism issues because it was literally like never Harris. Like, what a terrible candidate, you know, and I could just tell. Wow, now Jinkle would never hear.
SPEAKER_03No, wait, no, but Binkle is the evangelical?
SPEAKER_04No, Jinkle is. Jinkle voted for Trump. Jinkle. Okay, okay, yeah, had not had not voted for Trump in 2016, but did vote for Trump this time. Wow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so Binkel and I were so he waited until af till he could vote for a felon.
SPEAKER_04I mean, yeah. Because it was either a felon or a black woman. Right? Last time it was, you know, uh last time it was a non-vote, no vote, didn't vote. Didn't vote for Hillary, just didn't vote. This time it was an actual vote for Yeah, definitely want a felon instead of a woman. Instead of a black woman.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03He didn't vote for Hillary, no, just didn't vote. Yeah, so he so I'm sorry, it's it's misogyny and racism. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Would not ever admit that, but it's there. And Binkle and I know that. So now Binkle is super smart and obviously has the vantage point of the military. And so I lasted about a half hour as opposed to like three or four hours in the conversation because I was so upset. And uh I was so upset, I had to like pace my hotel room for a while. Like I was so upset and heartbroken. It was two weeks post-election. Um, so so Binkle went quite
Gaza, ICE, And Resistance
SPEAKER_04into like telling Jinkle, like, this is what you're gonna see in the next year. And and next year, when we are standing in this very spot, you were you will you will you admit if you're wrong? And Jinkle was like, Yeah, I will. So fast forward to going to Burbank this year. And so I see Binkle this year before I saw Jinkle. And I looked at him and I was like, Hey, are we gonna have a good time this year? And and and then Binkle's really quietly is like, Okay, I sat next to Jinkle on the plane in from Dallas because they're both from the south. One uh Jinkle is from Tennessee and Binkle is from North Carolina, so so Binkle's like, so I I I immediately was like, Hey, Jinkle, now last year we said that you would admit, and before he could even get it out, Jinkle was like, I was wrong. I was absolutely wrong. Wow. So we had a good time this year. So so this year we did. We had we actually had an epic experience. It's not always about politics either. We just the three of us are just crazy together. It's just really fun. So, but yeah, this year Jinkle admitted he was wrong. Um, he really believed the lies. He believed that Trump was going to put like quote unquote America first. And and and and what was interesting about his perspective, and he says his perspective along with so many people he knows in Tennessee, is that what he what he believed was that we were gonna stop sending money abroad and that we were gonna keep the money in in America. And his he is angry and pissed off about Israel. He absolutely calls Gaza a genocide.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_04So there are a lot of people, Christian people, who look at Gaza and say that is an absolute genocide. More people than I think we might know look at that and see what is happening and can call it what it is. So that's that was very encouraging. Um, and and absolutely see Israel for what it is. They hate Mike Johnson because they see that, you know, in their faith and their belief system, none of that is going to be orchestrated by a person. Like there's no one person that's gonna bring on the end times. Like you can't like, you can't like you can't manufacture the end. Right. And they and they are they're offended by that. They think that that's showing hubris, that's showing, you know, sort of a lack of respect for God, in a sense that you can't be God, you can't make that happen. And you know, we've talked all about the red, the red heifer and all that stuff, right? Right. This all ties into that. So um I was super surprised and refreshed by that perspective coming from him, and then also very, very, very, very upset about ice, very upset about what's happening. And so, in the course of Jinkle talking about, because I asked, I'm like, what about ice? You know what they're doing, and and Jinkle is like, fuck no, like awful.
SPEAKER_03This morning, my husband showed me a photograph from the French quarter in New Orleans and with tanks, the National Guard in the French quarter. And I just want the spirit of Marie Laveau to whip up and snap them into another world altogether. I am I know it's I have to say, I was I was heartwarmingly surprised by Charlotte's reaction to ICE, North Carolina. Yeah, they really rose up.
SPEAKER_04I was really, really encouraged. Like, yeah, that's the one thing that we always have to remember about things like this and about how history moves, and about the bigger picture of just humanity, is that in times like this, people will surprise you. Yeah, and it does engage a certain part of humanity that would otherwise stay dormant. And that energy of resistance is important for evolution and progress. Progress. And I am not saying that it's a good thing by any means that we have these moments. It's not good or bad. It's like, but these moments will always happen. But at the same time, the moments of like Charlotte and and and Frog Tipa. Yes, we'll get to that. Will also always happen. And so that's why it's important to keep keep health alive. That's why it's important to keep your eyes open and like Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers.
SPEAKER_03Yes. And isn't I think the quote from man, anyone who is freaked out by the things that are happening right now needs to watch Andor, uh just saying, but I believe it's rebellions are built on hope, is one of the quotes from that. Oh, I need to watch that. You haven't watched Andor? It's a it it lights that rebellious fire in you, you
Domestic Labor, Mental Load, And Rage
SPEAKER_03know. I mean, and but it's it's not it doesn't pull punches, you know. There is sacrifice that comes along with it, but it definitely is fortifying, like in inwardly fortifying to see. I mean, and and when it's interesting because you look at like some of the most popular media, and it's always people rebelling and fighting back against oppressive systems, right?
SPEAKER_04I mean, Hunger Games, even you know, Turf Land and uh even Stranger Things and you know Star Wars and that's what's so wild because a lot of the people who voted for this bullshit love those stories.
SPEAKER_03They think that they're on this on the good side, they don't realize what they're doing. I mean, like if if the side you're on is all about removing the liberty, the ability of other people to just live their lives, if you are trying to kick them out of your country or your city or your street, you are on the bad side, yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know, I mean, yeah, I mean, some of these, you know, a lot of smaller communities in Oregon, like Hillsboro, if you would listen to some of their city council meetings, and these kids are getting up there and talking about how terrified they are. Like, I mean, how can you listen and be aware of that shit and think you're on the good side? I like how how is that possible?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Watch, watch these ice agents take down these mothers in front of their children and listen to the crying. I can't. Some of the videos uh if you've seen some of the videos with these kids that are like in the car and their moms are like on the ground, like they're hurting them, they're like abusing them, like right in front of their kids.
SPEAKER_03Like, I keep it's weird because this is the issue that the one and only issue thus far in 18 and a half years of working from home that makes me wish I didn't, because I'm not out there. I'm not out there, I'm not in a position to see something happening and leap out of my vehicle and take all of my rage and point it at someone. Uh, you know, I mean, I get it.
SPEAKER_04Because when I was with dad last week at Covina, when I know they're around a lot of at Home Depots and we were driving past Home Depot, I was warning dad. I was like, Dad, if I see him, I'm out of the car, be prepared. I will start screaming out the window. And I was like, I don't know if he thinks I'm serious, but he probably knew I was serious. But but yeah, I was ready. I was ready. I was like, I've got so much rage inside of me. Like, let me at him. Like, as if I'm gonna do any damage at all. I'm like, and nothing, but but I I mean that's why that's why No Kings was a great, a great event, and there is gonna be another one. So that's why we got to get out in the streets when we can to get out our our rage. Like that's yeah, that if you aren't around and you don't, and you're not able to like do what you can if you see things happening, then going to these marches is something we can do to collectively rage against the machine.
SPEAKER_03Well, absolutely. And I mean, it's like one of my topics coming up later has to do with engaging with community and and my and what the way I'm talking about it in like for my list is very lighthearted. It's like very personal, but it's important to engage with community so that you know who you're shoulder to shoulder with, so that you know that if you were going to face off, you would have people standing by your side helping you do that, you know, because otherwise it's so isolating, it's so easy to feel like you're the only one, or you have your tight little knot of people who are willing to stand up in resistance. But there, if I'm not mistaken, they said that the most recent No Kings was the largest protest in American history or something. I mean, civil war is going on right now. It is, yeah, it just isn't going on with muskets, you know. I mean, right. Where'd it go from here? How did we this is such a we just talked about something that turns my blood to ice whilst calling two of the people involved Jinkle and Binkle? I don't know how to go on from here.
SPEAKER_04I mean, let me see. I have to pick something, I need to pick something off your list. Okay, let's do domestic goddess tired edition. I'm exhausted. Is that all that is? Next.
SPEAKER_03No, it's I mean, the thing is, is like all of my all of the things that are going on with me um are woven together. I mean, obviously, they have me as a common denominator, but I I you know, when when you start thinking about the things you want to do with your life, you know, when especially when because I'm on my birthday's coming up, I'm about to be 58 years old. My mother lived to be our mother lived to be 67, right? So if I start ticking down from there, should I have an end similar to my mother's? I've got nine years left, right?
SPEAKER_04Why are you thinking that way? That's crazy. I never think that way. We are nothing, nothing like our mom.
SPEAKER_03And when we woke up when I woke up on my birthday last year, I thought 10 years.
SPEAKER_04Are you serious?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, please stop that shit. I've been have to bitch
Decluttering, Systems, And Small Wins
SPEAKER_03slap you. I have been morbid since I was a child.
SPEAKER_04But you I know, but please come on, Karen. You're my person, you are not allowed to ditch me.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, I I can feel that sense of a tick-a-tacka, tick-a tacka ticket tackle. Oh my god. You know what? I don't like this topic. Well, this that's just the that's where the pressure comes from of okay, so my life is well and truly over halfway done, right? Sure. Yes. So what the fuck am I gonna make of the rest of it?
SPEAKER_04Well, that's better. I like it. And there because therefore you think in terms of 30 years, not 10.
SPEAKER_03No, I don't I that's a big question, Mark. We have no dad. We have I am his child. Dinkled. Anyway, when I think about that, you know, then there's like all of these things that you want to do, you know, you want to travel, you want to make some art or whatever it is, you know, you want to forge deeper connections with the people you love or whatever. And therefore, I am fucking frustrated by how much of that time goes into fucking doing the dishes, sweeping up cat litter, washing sheets, just trying to get yes, because I just feel like the burden of keeping well, part of it is that my house is too inefficient. Like I need a more efficient setup so that things are easier to maintain. So that's on my mind also.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I can help you with that. Now I have to get rid of my shit. Yeah, this goes hand in hand with decor. Okay. So let's blend our topics. Okay. I was feeling that way a few months ago, and I decided to get on top of it. Okay. I am now feeling the opposite of that. Okay. Because I went through a purge.
SPEAKER_03I a massive purge, a massive purge. A massive purge is definitely on my agenda, especially for 2026. I have got to get rid of shit. And this again ties into like my trip to New Orleans, where I had a a really interesting reading done. And even though I had already kind of set that as something I need to work on, it came up in the reading. And that it's so important to do it in order to have the time, energy, and motivation to engage with my creative projects.
SPEAKER_04Because I'm at the point now where I can look and I know what's in every, I can name what's in almost every drawer and every cupboard now. Like that's how little I have. And there's space in everything for whatever else might need to go there eventually. Like I'm exaggerating. It's not quite that great, but it's close. Like I'm even looking right now at a garbage bag full of another round of clothes that I got rid of yesterday when I purged my closet again. Wow. Like for the third time in the last few months. I'm like, there's still more I can get rid of.
SPEAKER_03Part of my issue is that I have a very small house. Yeah. And therefore, storage is a big issue. And I also, I and I don't know, you can tell me, astrologer, but having Venus on my ascendant, I think it means that the way things look is always vital to me. Like not just me, but everything around me has to look a certain way.
SPEAKER_04And so I think that's true. And I am I am the same, but I have a Venus ruled chart. So yeah. So I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_03Do you know I also have a Venus ruled chart, but in detriment. My I think when I did my dispositor tree, my Venus and Scorpio comes up as like what's kind of steering the whole ship, and it's in its detriment.
SPEAKER_04So so so because I have so much Taurus, I can be very practical about this type of thing. And you have a very it's very difficult for you. So this is my advice. And if you follow my advice, things will work for you. Okay. I can be very sure of this. What you have to do is is start with one thing. And by one thing, I mean one cabinet, one drawer, one right shelf. And you say, Today I'm only doing like back behind you, I see all those books. One, just for example, one shell today, the whole day. Just one shelf. Try that. Try that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I well, and I I can completely agree because my like yesterday I focused predominantly on like just cleaning off all of the shit that's standing sitting on top of my dryer. Um but part of my problem is is like, for example, everything that is sitting on top of my dryer is all supplies for the kittens. So I need a good place to put that that isn't on top of my dryer, and there isn't a place. And so I need to add a shelf. And so then I'm in, okay, now I have to get the supplies for shelf and blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_04Nope. You drop that, drop it there. Because now it's now you've moved beyond the scope of what your current project is. Okay. So drop that and put put that, put a pin in it. I love that. Put a pin in it. Okay. I use this all the time in my head. I'm putting a pin in that. I'm gonna need to do that and think about that tomorrow. I'd be
Gendered Outbursts And Hidden Costs
SPEAKER_04Scarlet O'Hara. So now you think, okay, we're just doing surfaces, just we're only on surfaces. Okay. So just compartmentalize it, make it small, tiny things. Like, and like if, for example, you're like, okay, now I'm doing drawers. Okay. And if you do one drawer and then you're like, hey, I've got another drawer in me, it's okay to move on to another drawer. Because sometimes you can be like, hey, I have more energy now because I got one drawer then. So if you do a whole set of drawers, there's that's okay. But don't feel like you have to do more than one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04And then if you get tired and start feeling like then stop.
SPEAKER_03I need you to build me an app. Because I need the dopamine hit of checking something off. Well, that's just a checklist. You don't need an app for that. No, I want an app.
SPEAKER_04I want an app that when I like there are likes for that. There are I need one that goes, yay! Yeah. There's absolutely I see them all the time advertised on TikTok for um people with people who are neurodivergent. Yeah, there are apps for that. Like for especially ADD people, it's like it says a whole organized way to keep your house like moving. Um, like different things that you clean each day. Like, there's all kinds of apps for that.
SPEAKER_03So I did yesterday I did fill a bag of cat food that I need to donate to Green Hill, the same shelter where I adopted the babies and where I adopted Dippy Dew.
SPEAKER_04So the best thing to do then is because it's going to be a good thing. I need to go put it in my car. Put it in your car. I have cat food too that I bought uh kitten food because someone had a huge kitten find in our area. And I told him I'd bring him kitten food, but then he ended up getting way too much. So I called a local rescue and I need to drop it off at a certain pet store. That is the hardest thing for me. But I'm getting it, yeah. But I at least put it in my trunk now, so I'm that much closer, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So well, I think for me, like because in order to bring my house to the place where I want it, I am going to have to make structural changes. My current obsession is between the studs storage, and which is fine. That's just, you know, my husband's going to retire at the end of this school year. So he will have a list. Oh, yeah. He's gonna get a lot to do. Yeah. And so I just have to plan those things, make those changes, and then as I'm like, for example, in my pantry, I'm going to add pullout shelves, you know, the kind that so I just need to clean off the shelf that's there, and then I can, you know, add the pullout shelf and then put the things back, and then that will be one thing that's now functional. And it's gonna take a long time, but yes, because my goal is to have a house that is easy to care for because everything has a place where you can access it without making a bunch of other things fall down on you. Because when there's something that will fall down, and my husband needs it, I know that I will handle the frustration better than him. And so then I go and do that thing, whatever it is, so that he isn't walking around the house going, God damn, son of a bitch. I don't like I don't like that. I don't like it either. It's bad, and it's not it's not, it's not reasonable.
SPEAKER_04That's reinforcing the patriarchy.
SPEAKER_03I know, and I'm doing it, but you know why I do it? I just don't want to hear bitching.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, Karen, I totally know. I do the same thing, sis. Like, okay, this is opening up something else, but this is really important topic for women. I've been seeing TikToks where people are recording the now. I'm not saying I'm gonna do that or you're gonna do that, but I have been watching women record those moments in their homes with their husbands who do these, do this shit, and it makes you realize that it's so common, and that women are basically saying, like, and I wonder why my nervous system is triggered all the time because of these little outbursts that men like to have over the stupidest shit, like the dumbest shit, you know, they trick over something, and it's like you know, like bullshit stuff. And in the meantime, we're sitting there like, oh, yeah, that shit. So then we take on we take on traditional love labor.
SPEAKER_03Let me do that labor for you, honey. I let me do that for you, honey. We've sacrificed the precious time of my nine year nine remaining years. I and let's speak, let's be real. I really I love my husband. Like, I can't imagine being married to anybody else. But on Thanksgiving Day, we were supposed to take a couple of folding chairs with us to my daughter's house, and they were in the garage, and there's a bunch of stuff stacked in front of them
Stranger Things Synchronicity And Flight
SPEAKER_03because that's how I live my life. And I said, I need to get these chairs. Well, because I had cooked. I made a quiche and I was making, you know, this corn stuff and blah, blah, blah. So it's like, well, what can I do to help? You can go get the chairs. He walks out into the garage, sees where the chairs are, comes back in the house and says, That's impossible. So I went out and within 10 minutes, I had the chairs. And I'm like, I have accomplished uh because I brought in five. So I accomplished five impossible things in 10 minutes. Yeah. But yeah, and it and again, it's I don't, and what is that? What is that mechanism in women that we're like, that's not impossible. I see it all the time. Again, videos of women who are like, oh, I need to hang this thing. Well, and then they're pushing furniture around so they can stand on it and they and they still and we fucking get it done. Yeah, and fucking jingle doesn't want to fucking vote for a woman, and yet it's women who fucking get everything done. Yep.
SPEAKER_04No, I fuck you, jingle. I know, I know, I'm single. Yeah, no, I know sometimes it's just because you can't, it's because they can't find something.
SPEAKER_03I know. I can remember my kids when they were little walking through the house going, shoes, shoes. And I was like, You've got to be fucking kidding me. And yet I feel like that still happens with adult men. Yeah, like they're gonna come running out, you know.
SPEAKER_04No, yeah, I I'd been woken up at five thirty with anger because they couldn't find a lint remover.
SPEAKER_03Like a lint remover at five thirty in the morning? For what?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And then called a name. Because I didn't respond quick enough. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just like two weeks ago.
SPEAKER_04And the funniest part is I did get an apology though. Well, that's good.
SPEAKER_03I got an an all acknowledgement of my ability to do impossible things. But and you know, at least he then put the chairs back in the garage, not where they go. No, I had to do that. But he got him out of the living room. Anyway. Oh my god. I mean, it like you add on like the videos of the people take at Thanksgiving of all the women in the kitchen and all the dudes just watching TV. And I swear to God, the top of my skull wants to just blow right into space.
SPEAKER_04But and I got mad, I got mad. Listen to this. This is in Burbank. So it's a hotel uh and there's a bar. Um, and of course, they have games on because what else would they ever be playing on the TV besides some kind of fucking sports game? And we're in there and we're just, you know, having a nice conversation, right? And then, of course, from across the room, you hear yelling and screaming from the sports dudes. And it's like, if if this if this were any other topic of for screaming and yelling in the middle of a bar, and if especially if it was women, and then especially if it was black women hooting and hollering in the middle of a bar, they would be horrible, they would be kicked out or called the police. But if it's a sports team and it's a bunch of white, old white guys who are yelling and screaming about some stupid game with a ball on TV, you we think nothing of it. We think nothing of it. Like, oh, that's what's supposed to be happening because it's a game with a ball, and these are big, these are big fat white guys. Right? It just hit me like we we think nothing of it, except it was bothering me because I was trying to have a conversation, right? And it just hit me like we don't think anything of this. How fucking annoying is this? But if it was women, it would be different.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we're not gonna get to all our topics.
SPEAKER_04No, we're gonna have to not because this people will we've probably lost about half our listeners by now.
SPEAKER_03Not the men, not the angry women, no, no, all right, okay.
SPEAKER_04So what bat what on your list? Let's each do. Gosh, I have some stuff I really want to talk about, but I I will pick one more and you pick one more.
SPEAKER_03Okay. We just talked about me being tired. So what is yours?
SPEAKER_04My last topic that I have to get to is stranger synchronicity.
SPEAKER_03Okay, let's go.
SPEAKER_04Okay, this is spoiler alert, spoiler alert for stranger things. So if you have not watched the entire first four episodes of Stranger Things season five, then you want to skip this part, okay? But please come back to it because it's a really cool part. Okay. So all right, okay, Stranger Things, amazing show. It's especially cool for Gen X because this was our time. If you were born in 1971 like I was, you're the exact same age as the kids. We're talking Will, Mike, the kids, 11, those kids. And I'm the age of Nancy. Yeah, and if you were born in 1967, like my sister, you were the same age as Nancy and Steve, I think his name is, and those guys, all right. Jonathan, which is pretty cool because like it, they're the exact ages of Karen and me. So there's that, because just the fashion and the mall and the music and all of it is just so us. So obviously, you know, I watched them all as they first came out, but then it's been so many years that my husband and I started watching in early November to be caught up again for the season five, and we timed it so perfectly that we were watching the end, we had like 30 minutes to go of the end of season four when season five was released. So we were crazy.
SPEAKER_03We also re-watched it, but we finished it in early November. Like we we yeah, but still it was still fresh in our minds.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but we we didn't even plan it, it's just that's so wild. Because I was gone for a week in Burbank, so like we had it's like we were playing catch up, and I was like, we're gonna be really close, but I didn't think it would be like that day, right? Wow. So so we rolled over, we watched the first episode, and then we we watched this the last three, I think Friday night. Okay, so the end of season, the end of the fourth episode, which is of course, we're gonna get the last four episodes on Christmas, but no, not the last four, the next four, and then there's one that releases New Year's Eve. Oh, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, the final episode is New Year's Eve.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I did not know that.
SPEAKER_03Well, that's and you can see it in a movie theater. Oh, really? Oh, I just didn't know that. Yeah, look into that.
SPEAKER_04Well, then that's what I'm gonna be doing on New Year's Eve. Um, I'll be with dad. Oh, that's right, you will. Yeah, okay. So, all right. So, so I'm talking now about the last five minutes of episode four. And and if you've seen it, then you know this is the moment when everything about will changes. And and now, one thing my my husband, who is a horror aficionado, noticed is that Stranger Things manages to incorporate all the major, major themes of horror, like at in particular the losers club. Like, this is a major losers losers club, and and you I think most people would know what that means. And so, in particular, Will. Will is the loser, will is the weakling, will is the one that has no power. Will has no power over anything in his life, and and and especially being gay, even there, and especially in the early 80s, when that was just something you never talked about. Um, you can tell by the relationship between him and Robin that even even Robin is completely closeted.
Dream Logs, Symbols, And Boundaries
SPEAKER_04Like she's super bold and she's super, she's super strong, but even Robin is closeted, like to the instagree.
SPEAKER_03So just one second side note. How was it? It's strange for me to watch that and remember how that was because things are so I mean, I know things aren't perfect now, but they are so different.
SPEAKER_04And I don't think that it's yeah, I don't think it's possible for the gen for like Gen Z and even millennials to understand grasp no that like I think they're probably looking at like like what's the big deal, and it's like you don't have any idea, no how I mean that that there's no way there's no way for those generations to understand what that was like, and and I wasn't gay, so I don't even know, but I can tell you that it was something that like nobody ever talked about, ever.
SPEAKER_03No, I had friends that I reconnected with on Facebook decades after high school and found out, you know, some you might have suspected, others I didn't, and would have had no clue. Yeah, would have had no clue in high school because they were so locked down about it. Yeah, and it was it's almost uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable to be put back there because it it's like for them. Yeah, and well, but I mean, like in watching it on Stranger Things, and it just seems so weird and uncomfortable to see these characters who are not who don't feel the ability to be themselves, openly be themselves.
SPEAKER_04So for me, when Will accidentally sees Robin kiss her girlfriend, yeah, and he runs away. I was like, whoa, dude, like overreact. And then I realized I'm like, no, that's not an overreaction. Like, even me to having lived through that, I was like, that's what it was like. He he ran away. He literally ran away when he saw her kiss her. Like that's how freaky it was. So imagine like the turmoil, the torture that he's been going through over his own identity, and then beyond that, just all the powerlessness that he feels. And the look, I got chills. The look when when when um Vecna has him, he pulls him up and he's got him up in the air, and everybody's about to die. Everybody he loves is about to die. And and Will can see them all because he's in the body, he's in the consciousness of the hive of all the the demogorgons, like seeing through their eyes. Yeah, every single one of his best friends is about to die, and he can see them all, and he's in the grasp of Vecna, and that look of terror on his face, I cannot get that out of my head. Like that actor nailed that so well, like absolute terror and absolute helplessness. And and I know that I know what that feels like. I've been that terrorized before, and felt that power, it's just pure powerlessness, and then it all changes when he hears what Robin said to him, and it starts playing over again her words, and she says, like, how it feels to come out, how it really feels when you finally come out as who you are, and you embrace who you really are, and how that feels like flying, is what she says. And then suddenly the camera switches, and his face has completely shifted into power, like you see this hopeless, fear like terrorized look change and transform into this expression of absolute fucking fierce power. And then, of course, uh, he has control, and now he has all the power. Yes, and it's because he he claimed his identity, he claimed his authentic authentic, you know, power he just claims his he finds his power.
SPEAKER_03Well, at the moment it is so power that was only accessible to him because of his trauma.
SPEAKER_04Yes, yet he finds the power in his in what Bekna saw as his weakness, yeah, and he transforms his own, you know, weakness, quote unquote, into his power. Like yeah, that that is that is the defining moment. And every every human being on this planet has that opportunity at in their lives is to transform their their supposed weakness into their power. And and I work like that's what I do with astrology. I'm always trying to find the ability to assess out what is your your supposed weakness and how can we transform that into your power superpower? That's that's my whole the whole basis of what I do with astrology. So, but anyway, the point I'm trying to make though is is bigger because for me, I had to play it back. So I was like, I was so taken away by this moment that I had to go, I had to play it back because I was like, Did she just say you feel like you can fly? Because as I was watching this moment play out, I was having a synchronicity with my own dreamscape. Because I often talk about my dreams as being horrifying. Like my dreams, I'm always in a space of horror or all like out absolutely everything's out of control. I have I have no power, like I cannot get control or power over this chaotic situation, whatever it is. Sometimes I'm lost. You know, I've told I've talked about it before. City's on fire, there's chaos. I a lot of times just lost. I just can't find my way home. And in the maybe three or four times that I
Brother Harold The Balloon And Fluffy
SPEAKER_04have ever, ever, in all night after night, every night, every fucking night, I have the dream like this. And maybe three or four times that I have ever gone lucid, I've always chosen to fly every single time. And it's not just put my hands up like Superman and fly. That is not what happens when I fly in my dreams. It takes everything in me to believe that I can fly. It's not simple. I have to first wrestle with my consciousness that I'm aware. I have to really work to to recognize the fact that I'm dreaming. That's hard. And I go in and I go out. It slips away. And then I so it takes some time for me to first go into lucidity. Then when I'm lucid, I have to look around and think, can I do it? Can I do it? Do I have enough room to run? Where am I? Which direction am I gonna run? Where am I gonna go? And then I have to run and feel like and believe it's a sense of like, I believe I can't. I believe my body will lift. And it's a it's a moment of lift. And I've had false starts where I go to lift and I don't, and I go to lift and I don't, and I have to start over. And then when the body lifts up, I've had it lift and then not and then go down. Like it's not simple. And then when I finally lift, I've got it to where I can get just away, but not like sore, you know. And there's only like maybe twice that I've actually soared. So that's interesting. I recognize so when I heard, so I was really resonating with the language and the moment of this, because I had I I really, I really do feel I have felt like that weakling. Like I felt that way through most of my childhood. As you well know, I was a littlest one and all of that in our neighborhood. And so when I heard when it echoed back in my head, that did she say I like what? And I watched it back again. I was like, this is real, like this, this happens, this happens to me. This is what is happening in my consciousness. This exact thing is happening to me in my consciousness, and I just flipped out. Like, I just don't even like, I mean, you can tell, like I was just so wow, so fundamentally tripped out by that. Like, yeah, and and so then what this is all leading to is that I I've been having I've had a few opportunities for some readings lately with tarot reading. And my question is, what is the point of all these dreams? Like, when will I ever stop? When will they ever stop? Like, what is the point of all of this chaos and all of this destruction and all of this? And I finally realized, oh, that's the point. Um to strengthen that is to for me to have a a way to learn how to fly. Wow, it's a way for me to strengthen the muscle to empower myself to get my shit out of that situation by flying away. Is it's to give me opportunities to practice getting out and finding my and channeling and finding my own power to get out of that situation.
SPEAKER_03That's really cool and very interesting.
SPEAKER_04I it hasn't clicked in so much that I couldn't fly out last night. You know what I mean? It's not that quick. It's because you're wrestling with your subconscious, it's not like you flip a switch, like it's gonna still take some time, but that's what I think, anyway. That I think is the point of the dreams, is that's interesting, a practice place to strengthen that muscle of whatever that is, which is empowerment. I think it's just raw empowerment, is to be able to do that in my dreams, meaning in my and so in my waking life, I am more empowered in general.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I love that. And I and it also it's interesting to me. I would I would always be curious to know from anyone who cares to tell me how if you've ever flown in a dream and how you get there, because I I've never achieved lucidity that I'm aware of. But anytime I fly in a dream, I don't run and take off from the ground. I climb up somewhere high and I have to jump. Interesting. And so, in order to fly for me, I have to jump off of something and be hurtling toward the earth and then swoop, I'm flying. And so I I can't that's fascinating. Well, that it basically is saying you have to take a risk, right? I mean, like for me, like taking a risk is what allows me to fly. And when you think about it, like I took a risk moving to Oregon, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. And so flying isn't like for you, you're having to like overcome all of this stuff and lift my weight up and lift up off the ground. That's a very different dream symbol than leaping off of the ground.
SPEAKER_04Very different.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's really cool and very. So we'll see what happens. Now I want to add this is the the question. People have been saying, I've seen a lot of people saying, here's some questions you can ask people to stimulate conversation that has nothing to do with like politics or whatever. So if you're at a social gathering and you want to really want to get into someone's sub like their subconscious mind, ask them, have you ever flown in a dream? And if you have, how did you achieve it? Yeah. Um, and that would probably tell you a lot about something. I mean, yeah, yeah. Fascinating. Really? That's yeah, that's pretty interesting.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So, yeah. So yeah, uh, I'm still tricking out because this was just like yesterday that I was really like, whoa.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
Redefining Feral And Closing
SPEAKER_03That's it's interesting because I would say, like, other than you know, the the inconveniences of daily living uh and frustration with there being stuff everywhere and whatnot, my life right now and my life lately has been very solid, very good. You know, I my job is good, it's less stressful than my old job, it's more financially rewarding than my last job. So that's Good. I'm not in financial distress. I have gone through some loss, but I my babies, my baby kittens are so sweet and lovely, and they just really fill my life with so much joy and humor and whatnot. I my husband and I are connected. I mean, yes, there are things that frustrate me at times, but but the things that matter the most, being seen as a a full human being and having someone that I'm spiritually connected to is what I was always wanting. And he is my person in that regard. And my dreams are a mess. And I don't understand why my dreams are a mess if my life is pretty good. And but mine I I I've so I started I took a page out of your book and I started logging my dreams in Chat GPT so it can keep a running log of what I'm dreaming and it can help me take all of these themes and kind of get at where I'm coming from. So I actually asked it to give me a summary. So that's what I'm gonna share. All right. So this is my summary from AI about kind of my dreams. So it says looking at their recent dreams as a whole, what stands out is a very clear psychological and symbolic progression. The cycle began with a series of overwhelm dreams, the kind where you're packing frantically, caring for too many animals or children, navigating cluttered spaces, which I'm that does relate to my real life, or trying to get somewhere but can't. Those themes typically arise during periods of internal reorganization, even when daily life feels calm on the surface. I've had a ton of dreams of I'm traveling, like I'm in a plane, and I, for whatever reason, the plane has a cabin, and I'm in like an individual cabin, and I'm in my cabin and I have unpacked, but the plane is landing, and so I have to get all my shit together in order to be able to get off the plane. Or I've dreamed about having to take care of like mounds of kittens or other people's children, or you know, I mean, um, but I had this one dream with a lioness and her cub where I got to hug the lioness. Like the lioness and I were in an it was very cool. So it says the tone shifted dramatically with the appearance of a lioness and her cub, a classic empowerment symbol representing serenity, instinct, and the emergence of a new inner self. Then I had a dream, and you'll find this interesting. I I don't remember the all of the context, but I was on a city street and I was looking for an Uber in order to get home. And no matter what I tried, I could not find an Uber. And then I walked past a car that had an 1111 sticker, but it was backwards. Like you could only read it like looking in a mirror, you know, it was the ones were backwards.
SPEAKER_04Oh, because they had a little tail on them or a little tail.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, they weren't just straight down lines. They had like the little swoop or whatever. And so I could tell that they were backwards. And so it said, what followed was especially interesting, a dream in which the familiar 1111 synchronicity appeared backwards, paired with transportation problems. In dream work, inverted symbols often show up immediately after an inner breakthrough, almost like a psychic recalibration or reboot energy, while the unconscious integrates the shift. Uh, taken together, the sequence suggests a movement from grief and overload toward a renewed sense of power and clarity. The dreams are essentially documenting an internal transition in real time, a move from carrying too much to stepping into a more sovereign and instinctive version of the self. And I because I I think that what my dreams are really relating to me again and again is that I'm constantly taking care of other people's bullshit. And there's just uh too much cluttery chaos around me. And it's like I can't I can't get out of it, you know. I mean, and so um I'm uh making an effort to take care of my shit and let other people take care of their shit. You know, and I'm gonna encourage any women, I mean, and maybe some men too, I don't really know. I think it happens more to women that if to start really paying attention to the things that you are are carrying or the labor that you're doing, and how much of it is really yours, and how much of it belongs to somebody else, and if it belongs to somebody else to not do it, put it the fuck down. I'm here for that. Uh I went I'm gonna work on that too. I do not want to spend my remaining nine years dealing with other dealing with other people.
SPEAKER_04I'm really gonna have to, I'm really gonna hit you next time I see you.
SPEAKER_03You can't because we're recording this from our own homes.
SPEAKER_04But next time I see you, I'm going to I'm going to thump your gourd.
SPEAKER_03I can't believe we're not going to talk about our brother Harold.
SPEAKER_04Well, let's wrap it up with Harold. So I visited our father last weekend because he lives near Burbank, and I had a lovely long weekend with him and our and our lovely stepmother. And um, we had a wonderful visit. But when I walked in, I had been there in the kitchen for maybe five, 10 minutes when all of a sudden this half-deflated mylar balloon entered the space, and it it was tied with a with a weight, so it's just kind of tugging the string is hugging the ground, and it just kind of wanders around the house. So it had wandered into the the kitchen where we were all sitting, and my dad looks at it casually and says, Oh, this is your brother Harold. And I was like, Oh no, he didn't say Harold because he hadn't named it yet. He's like, Oh, this is our this is our new brand. And I was like, What? And he's like, Yeah, um, I found this in the uh the uh backyard a couple days ago and brought it in and put a little weight on it. It's been quite a nice companion.
SPEAKER_03It was more than that though. He it was deflated when he found it outside.
SPEAKER_04Yes, because it was cold, yes, but when he brought it into the house, it it clumped up a little and then was still had life in it. So dad, of course, you know, did what any either of us would have done and and embraced and made it a part of the family. And so I said, What is his name? And then dad was like, Harold. His name is Harold. And I so then Harold became has quickly become part of our family, and dad now sends us progress photos.
SPEAKER_03That's correct.
SPEAKER_04And Harold, they cut the ballast. I thought they took off the ballast. Now Harold is is floating at the ceiling level. Yeah, um, I'm not sure what prompted that, but Harold needed to fly. Yeah, that's what dad said on theme. Exactly. So yeah, this is probably the aspect of our father that I love the most.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's the same, it's the same part of his personality that caused him to put a lampshade on his head when they asked if he needed a bag. And he said, No, I'll wear it home. Yes. I mean, like that. When I I showed, because you sent me some pictures and an explanation via text message, and I showed it to my husband, and he said, That man is definitely your father.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_03Well, I showed it to my I showed it to my daughter too, and she's like, I need screenshots.
SPEAKER_04Well, I I then quickly added, you know, Karen has a life-size plastic skeleton sitting at her dining room table named Rodney. So this is not all that unusual. I have a caterpillar named Fluffy that I have been raising since September when I found him on our driveway. Is it black? It's a woolly bear, so it's black and brown. Did I tell you about Fluffy?
SPEAKER_03You did not tell me about Fluffy, but what I need to know most is how big is the brown. I mean, it's like it's like a woolly bear. I understand that woolly bears are indicators of winter. The more I think the more brown, the more brown, the the milder the winter, or something like that. But there's actually like a it's a prognosticator of weather.
SPEAKER_04I will I will take a picture of Fluffy. So I found Fluffy really small, but all alone on our own. And so I decided to pick him up. I haven't done this since I was a child, but I decided to pick him up and and and take care of him. And so I fed him and fed him and fed him until he went dormant. And now he is dormant, meaning he doesn't need more food. He just lays in the box in his little habitat I built in a shoebox until he cocoons and will come out as a moth in after winter.
SPEAKER_03So a the a wider black band suggests a colder, harsher winter, while a wider brown band indicates a milder winter. Well, I will tell you. Scientists say it's determined by its age size in the previous growing season. But folklore. But the the folklore says that. So I I'm gonna, I'm gonna oh wait, here we go. A wider black band is colder, snowier, and more severe. Whiter brown is milder. A black band at the head is a harsh beginning to winter, and a black band at the tail is a harsh end to winter.
SPEAKER_04Well, it's definitely a black band at the front, at the head. I know that. Okay, and the black band is definitely bigger than the brown band. I know we should buckle up. That I know. So we'll see. We will let Fluffy be our guide, and then we will come back, we will circle back and see. I am still like when the when the caterpillar goes dormant, it's scary because you do stop feeding them, you know. Wow. And it's a I've been I've checked on him a couple times and expected it to be gone, like dead, you know. But it's been still he's I checked on him several times and he's still alive. He's just doesn't move, you know. So anytime now he'll go how can you tell he's still alive because he's not shriveled up.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04He looks alive, he just doesn't move around.
SPEAKER_03He you did this as a child. I can remember him. I remember releasing the moths, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so I only remember one time getting to moth because they always got out of my box somehow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but I definitely remember releasing a moth with you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and that is my core memory with mom. It's because I remember one time getting there, and I was so excited because I never ever got to the end. Yeah, and I'll never forget that mom and I went out onto the I'm so glad you were there because I didn't remember that you were there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04And we went out onto the brick patio in the backyard and it was on mom's hand and it didn't want to let go. I remember it was just on mom's hand, and I can still see it's like a poor memory. And it was, it was it took a minute for it to kind of get its wing and fly away, but it because it was just sticking to her hand. And I remember thinking, like, oh, it it's afraid to leave mom, like it's it's afraid, you know, like a like a baby bird kind of a thing. And it's my probably one of my absolute most cherished memories of our mom. Um, because she was there for that. And I'm so happy to know you were there because that's a special memory. And so that's when I saw it this year, and it was just one, just one woolly bear. And I've seen them, but I've never done this since I was a child. And so it's just been a really special experience for me. And I, you know, I'm trying to not be attached, like if I were to go look in there today, and you know, I have to just let nature be nature, but I know I did everything I was supposed to do, as I was very diligent about it. That I fed the live dandelions like every single day, and I made a cute little habitat. So I will check, I'm gonna check on. I'm always afraid to check.
SPEAKER_03Does your woolly bear have a name? Oh, Fluffy. Fluffy. So yeah, I will we need we need uh updates on Fluffy for so long.
SPEAKER_04Okay, yeah. Well, I will um I will check on Fluffy after we meet. I'm I'm always afraid.
SPEAKER_03I'm always afraid I don't I don't blame you. I when I was when I was very young, it's probably either when you were a baby or possibly before you were born. Our grandma Norton got me a kit to raise monarchs. I remember that. So okay, so you weren't a baby. No, I remember the the kit. Yeah, and we I successfully raised a monarch that we released. And so but just talking about it is makes it me feel like maybe that's something I should look into for my grandchildren because it is such a special experience.
SPEAKER_04It's so magical. Like, yeah, it's it's it was like I already have 11 pets, it's a whole nother pet to feed and take care of every single day. And I was like, never, why do you do this? But it's been a special experience for me. That's really cool for me. Um, and it's been a way for me to like connect to mom too. Um every day I'm thinking about mom when I'm feeding it because every day I'm having the memory of her, and it has been it has been really special. That's really cool. Yeah, so we'll see.
SPEAKER_03That's a nice way to end our episode, even though we didn't get to our whole list. It's all that's okay.
SPEAKER_04None of the other things were all that important.
SPEAKER_03So all right, Sissy. Well, I love you. I love you too. So, everyone, you got to listen to my sister and I catching up with each other because we haven't we've kept in touch via text message and such, but we haven't had like a long talk in a while. And so you got to basically eavesdrop on that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we hope you're all having a happy season of holidays and family, and um, we'll hope to get back to you guys soon. And otherwise, uh be yourself, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Well, and and be yourself, because I think I I was really thinking about the definition of feral earlier this morning, and wondering if we need to create our own definition of feral. Um, so that's something to consider about because it's basically the dictionary definition is a wild state, especially after escape from captivity or domestication. And I think that escaping from at least the domestication of having to take care of other people's bullshit accounts. I but very we need to maybe come up with our own death when we say feral. What do we mean by feral? So maybe we could honor that before that. I love that. Take feral whatever it needs to be. That's right.
