The Ring — Grief is a well you’ve been thrown down

So — have you heard about this tape?

Let’s talk about The Ring (2002) and its portrayal of grief, nature vs nurture, and the psycho-therapeutic theory of emotional dwelling.

There are many readings of what the metaphors in this movie are really about. And for a lot of people this movie is about technology — viral media and misinformation, technology as a virus, technophobia etc etc — but for me, this movie is so much about grief! Like — it just is! Miscarriages! Murder! Hauntings! Girls in wells! Grief.

Mental Health is Horrifying is hosted by Candis Green, owner of Many Moons Therapy.

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Sources:

Psychoanalytic Dialogues 26: 103-108 Walking the Tightrope of Emotional Dwelling by George E. Atwood, Phd and Robert D. Stolorow, Phd

Undergoing the situation: Emotional dwelling is more than empathic understanding by Robert D. Storlow

Epigenetics and Child Development: How Children’s Experiences Affect Their Genes

How "Ringu" (1998) Embodies Cultural Fear by Daniel Hess

'The Ring' at 20: Millennial Horror That's Still Infecting Movies Today by Beatrice Loayza

You Won’t Regret Rewatching The Ring by Kevin Townsend, Sophie Gilbert, David Sims, and Lenika Cruz

Transcript

Welcome ghouls to today’s episode of Mental Health is Horrifying. I’m your Horror Barbie host of darkness — Candis Green— Psychotherapist and all around spooky bitch podcasting from my bat-filled cave in Toronto, Canada. On today’s episode, I’m going to be talking about the movie that made me deathly afraid of all available technology in 2002, The Ring. 

So — have you heard about this tape? 

As much as I wanted to do an episode on The Ring, I also really didn’t want to rewatch this movie! My memory of this movie is that it made me completely afraid of my TV and landline after seeing the movie as a teenager at the theatre. So I did what I often do when I want to watch something that I’m worried will be very scary but still want to watch it anyway — I watched it in the middle of the day, with the curtains pulled all the way up to let in as much sunlight as possible, and chased it with a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls. 

Now — there are many readings of what the metaphors in this movie are really about. And for a lot of people this movie is about technology — viral media and misinformation, technology as a virus, technophobia — but for me, this movie is so much about grief! Like, it just is! She gets thrown down a well by her mother! (sorry, spoiler alert but like… it came out in 2002) She doesn’t want to be forgotten! Infertility! Murder! Hauntings! Grief.

Okay so let’s get right into it. Let’s talk about The Ring and its portrayal of grief, nature vs nurture, and the psychotherapeutic theory of emotional dwelling.


Movie synopsis:

Teenagers Katie and Becca are having a cute girls night where they discuss an urban legend about a cursed videotape that causes whoever watches it to die in seven days. That night, Katie, who watched it a week ago… dies in the jumpscare of the century that still haunts my dreams.

Katie’s cousin, Aiden struggle with Katie’s death as Katie was his best friend. He draws creepy drawings of circles and funerals and death at school.  

At Katie's funeral, Katie’s mother asks her sister Rachel, who is a journalist, to investigate her daughter's death because the doctors have no plausible answer for what happened to her. Rachel discovers that Katie's friends all died in bizarre accidents at the exact same time and night of Katie's death. Creepy! Rachel goes to the Shelter Mountain Inn, where Katie and her friends watched the tape, where we scream at the screen as Katie herself finds and watches the tape. This tape is super messed up — it looks like a high school film project gone awry and has all sorts of frightening imagery on it like a woman spooky brushing her hair, a centipede, a ladder, a woman jumping off a cliff, a girl who needs a haircut, a horse’s eyeball. It’s giving — Un Chien Andalou. She immediately receives a phone call from some creepy girl who whispers, "seven days". Exhibiting the sort of skepticism that allows most horror main characters to walk directly into the path of oncoming carnage, Rachel quickly begins to experience supernatural occurrences linked with the tape.

Rachel recruits the help of her ex-boyfriend Noah. He watches the tape and Rachel makes him a copy. She identifies a woman on the tape: horse breeder Anna Morgan, who killed herself after some of her horses drowned themselves off Moesko Island. Rachel and Noah's young son Aidan ends up watching the tape. Aidan also seems to possess some spooky, supernatural abilities, which he uses to help with Rachel's investigation. Convenient! 

Rachel heads for Moesko Island to speak to Anna's widower Richard, while Noah travels to Eola Psychiatric Hospital to view Anna's medical files. Rachel discovers that Anna had adopted a girl, Samara, who possessed the ability to psychically etch images onto objects and into people's minds, tormenting her parents and their horses. Noah finds a psychiatric file on Samara that mentions a missing video record last seen by Richard.

Rachel and Noah return to Shelter Mountain Inn, where they are led to a well beneath the floorboards. Rachel then falls down the well and experiences a psychic vision of Anna dumping Samara into the well, where she survived for how long? Seven days. Samara's body surfaces from the water. After Rachel is rescued, they arrange a proper burial for Samara. Ugh I hope Rachel took a shower right after this. 

So now everything appears to be fine! Samara is at peace, psychic murders are over and everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Except not because Aidan is like mooooooom why did you help Samara you idiot!! She’s evil! She’ll never stop! Rachel realizes that Noah's seven days are up and frantically tries to contact him to no avail.

Meanwhile at Noah’s place, the tv turns on to an image of a well that looks suspiciously familiar! Suddenly, Samara begins climbing out the well which is creepy enough on its own except then she just keeps on crawling on out of the TV! Ahhhhh! Rachel arrives at Noah’s house post-mortem to find Noah dead with his face all gnarly just like Katie from the beginning of the movie!  More lifelong trauma for teenage Candis. Unable to deduce why she was spared, Rachel realizes that the tape seen by Aidan was a copy she'd created. It’s not that you die when you watch the video — it’s that you die if you don’t pass it on. Samara wants to spread her story/curse as far and wide as possible. Rachel saves Aidan by having him make another copy to show someone else. 

The film ends with Aidan asking what will happen to the person who watches the copy they're crafting, to which Rachel does not answer.

And Aidan is asking about us, dear listener. WE are the ones who just watched the tape! AHHHHHH! End movie, begin therapy.


Movie background info:

The Ring is of coursed based off the original Japanese Version from 1998 Ringu, directed by Hideo Nakata which was at the time, the highest grossing horror movie ever in Japan. That version was based off a graphic novel released in 1991 by Koji Suzuki and apparently there was also a 1995 tv movie adaptation. That’s a lot of adaptations!

Which isn’t really too surprising to me because the concept and imagery of this movie, at least for me, is groundbreaking. I will never in my life ever forget being shown the scene where the girl climbs out of the tv by my best friend without any notice, explanation, context, or warning and feeling absolutely terrified beyond measure. If I remember correctly, this happened in English class too! We were doing some assignment on horror movies and there I was all sweet and innocent just sitting in English class and then BAM Reiko is just climbing out of the tv with her hair all up in her face, hands all gnarly like what the fuck! Keep in mind too — this was the early 2000s. There was no social media and the internet was in its infancy so you didn’t have the benefit of seeing the scariest clips from movies beforehand as viral reels or Tik Toks. Sheer terror. And then of course my dumb ass went to see the American version when it came out in theatres in 2002 and couldn’t go anywhere near my TV or house phone for like 6 months. 

I’m not kidding — like when the phone would ring, I would absolutely HIT THE ROOF and refuse to answer it, lest it be Samara telling me I had 7 days to live. I wouldn’t go anywhere near the TV unless it was already turned on to like Entertainment Tonight or something and was under adult supervision. Once it was turned off? GOODBYE FOREVER! NOT GOING NEAR THAT THING! And of course, my friends thought it was hilarious to just whisper in my ear “7 days” and drawn circles in my notebook or like, chase me with their hair hanging down in front of their faces… ugh teenagers man. 

Also for some reason I don’t understand — the Ring is rated PG-13! You know I love a PG horror, but this movie is not appropriate for children! It has incredibly disturbing imagery and i don’t know who was in charge of film ratings in the early 2000s but like… buddy. 

So this version was released in 2002 and was directed by Gore Verbinski who was actually a music video director, having done videos for bands like NOFX and Bad Religion, the directed The Mexican and after The Ring, three Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Rango, The Lone Ranger, and A Cure for Wellness (which I actually really want to see — is it any good?)


To market the movie, the cursed tape was played without any context during late night TV programming —- eek! Can you IMAGINE?! Just watching like Jay Leno or whatever and then this freaky tape comes on without any explanation?! 

The Ring is a big deal in horror. It popularized J Horror in North America, with other movies like The Grudge, Audition, One Missed Call, Pulse, House, Battle Royale, among many many others. Do not sleep on J Horror!

Along with the 1999 hits “The Sixth Sense” and “The Blair Witch Project,” the popularity of “The Ring” represented a shift from the fascination with teen-slasher fare that had dominated the previous three decades. The Ring doesn’t rely on gore or a high body count to tell its story, but instead a sort of ambient anxiety that proliferates the film and its viewer, having been made in a post 9/11 America. 

The Ring’s influence can continue to be seen today in modern horror films like It Follows where teens must pass on a supernatural STD, and Smile where a cursed woman has one week to outwit an evil entity that feeds off trauma and drives its target to a bloody demise unless of course — you pass it on to someone else.

I think one reason why The Ring continues to have such a massive cultural impact is because it’s a true millennial horror. Kids like me who saw it were teenagers at the time, and were actually admitting to the theatre because like I mentioned this movie was rated PG-13 for some reason! And for those born a bit later and unable to see it in the theatre, like the cursed tape itself, either rented it from the video store, or relied on the storytelling of elder millennial siblings or friends to relay the folklore contained in this bizarre, spooky, haunting film.

Grief:
 
The cinematography in The Ring really echoes this feeling of deep grief and depression throughout the movie. And they filmed it in the State of Washington too — specifically for what Gore Verbinski described as its “wet and isolated” atmosphere. The colours in this movie are very blue and grey and sad in feeling. Like Twilight — but sadder. It’s like the water that Samara drown in is flooding everything. Well water, tears, pain everywhere. Which is quite representative of many people’s experience with grief — as this all-consuming experience that leaves them feeling like they are drowning or under water.

And total sidebar — how is Samara so tech savvy? Like how did she even make that tape and edit it? And how does she control TVs and landline phones and know everyone’s phone number?! Okay I digress.

Okay but — how did you feel the first time you saw Samara’s tape? I felt so deeply unsettled, scared, sad, and like it was a message that something completely horrible had happened. I think this is reflective of the experience of grief. There’s a weight to the experience, an unsettledness, and a finding yourself in a reality that you suddenly don’t recognize.

I think it’s important to define here what grief is. The dictionary definition is a deep sorrow, especially that is caused by someone’s death. And I think that’s true — grief is often most associated with the experience of losing someone to death. And grief can also be the loss of something else — losing a person to something other than death like the end of a friendship or romance, the loss of a place like a home, the loss of a hope or dream, the recognition that we lost something maybe we never even had like a happy childhood, or even the recognition that we are going to lose something in the future. Perhaps then, it makes sense to define grief as experiencing the recognition of loss. 

Sometimes, when we grieve the loss of something that falls outside our societal norms associated with grief, this is referred to as disenfranchised grief. 

Another important point about grief that I’d like to mention is that it’s not an emotion — it’s an experience. While we may traditionally associate grief with the feeling of deep sadness or sorrow, the experience of grief actually contains (often) literally every single known emotion, sometimes several happening at the same time! Grief is paradoxical in that way — in one moment we may be feeling intense anger at the unfairness of it all, and in another may be feeling a sense of joy or gratitude for life and what remains. 

Grief is shown in numerous ways throughout the film. We witness Katie’s mother’s grieve for the loss of her daughter, but also at not knowing why her daughter died; pleading with Rachel to investigate why she died, as doctors were not able to provide any clear reason. Aidan also grieves Katie’s death; she was his best friend and how now feels lost and alone and is having weird premonitions. Aidan also grieves the absence of a father, who we later learn is actually Noah who himself had an absent father and thus the cycle of broken families continues. There is grief within the Morgan family; for wanting to have a child and experiencing miscarriage after miscarriage and then maybe/ maybe not/ nature vs nurture debate we’ll explore this in the next section getting a demon child! The Morgans also grieve all their horses that were apparently driven to suicide by Samara.

What is perhaps one of the most enduring takeaways from this movie, is the ghostly “seven days” whispered on the phone. Blegh! We later learn the significance of this time period — it was how long it took Samara to die down there in that well. Can you imagine her terror? Can you imagine her suffering? By letting viewers of the tape know that they too had a mere seven days to live before their demise, Samara wanted us to feel what she felt. She showed us her nails; nearly worn off from trying to climb out, her sopping wet hair and clothing, her skin turning blue and grey from being submerged in filthy water.

It’s not that you die when you watch the tape — you die if you don’t pass it on. Samara wanted to be known (for better or worse), wanted the truth about her life to be exposed, and refused to be forgotten. It’s like the Mexican grief holiday of El Did de los Muertos — a beautiful, annual grief ritual in which family members and friends who have passed are honoured, stories are swapped about them, and the families do everything they can to prevent the second death: that is, when you are forgotten by the living.

By creating an endless chain for her legacy of horror to be shared, Samara damn well ensured she would never be forgotten by the living either.

Nature vs. Nurture:

I want to touch briefly on an issue this film raises — that of nature vs nurture. The tail end of this movie begs the question — was Samara’s evil reign of terror created by poor treatment from her parents who shoved her away into a barn, and then a prison-like psychiatric facility, and then down a well, or was she born evil and she infected every person and horse she came into contact with?

In human psychology, we place a great emphasis on the role of childhood development to understand how a person presents in the world as an adult. This means, we look at the environment that they grew up in, the family structures, the beliefs, the quality of attachment and relationships, and the experiences that shaped the person they became. 

But The Ring brings up another important question about how humans are in the world, and that is one called epigenetics. Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Unlike genetic changes, epigenetic changes are reversible and do not change your DNA sequence, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence.

Samara’s parents detail these horrible psychic visions they and everyone in the town became afflicted with upon her arrival. The horses felt them too and eventually killed themselves, poor things. We then see, however, that Samara was shunned from the family home and forced to live isolated and alone in the barn; having to climb a tall ladder — that one that haunts the tape — to be kept way from the rest of the world. 

Rachel finds one of Samara’s doctors, Dr. Grasnik, she says this about her own son — “When Darby there was born, we knew something wasn't right with him. But, we loved him anyway. Takes work, you know. Some people have limits.”

Samara’s raises the question of evil — is it born, or is it created? I think that’s why people are so into true crime — trying to spot where it all went wrong, how a killer is created. And in particular, I think this is why the world continues to be infatuated with Ted Bundy. There has been documentary after documentary, book after book, nauseating movie adaption after adaptation trying to understand the man who had an otherwise happy, normal childhood. No major traumas, no signs of neglect, nothing. How could this man be so evil? Was he born that way?

We don’t have the full story of what went on in the Morgan household. Could her life have been different, and happy? Or was her evil created by a family who were neglectful?

Emotional Dwelling:

The thing about grief is that there’s no solution. That person can’t un-die (and we wouldn’t want that anyways because of zombies), and what has already happened cannot be altered. Of course we can learn to accept what happened which may bring us peace, but we cannot resolve it.

Grief is like water; ebbing and flowing. At times peaceful and calm, and others wild and unruly. There may be a moment, months of years down the road where it feels less heavy and then suddenly it comes back and crashes into you like a wave, pulling you under its current and it feels like the very first day. And this, to be honest, can last a lifetime and even transcend generations.

And while I believe there is no solution to grief, I do believe that we can learn to carry it over time. It is a practice, like any other practice we repeat and become proficient at. 

The psychotherapeutic approach of emotional dwelling is one such way therapists can truly be with those who are grieving. And the well in the ring for me is a great metaphor for emotional dwelling and also a perfect pun.

First, let me explain what emotional dwelling is. In the therapeutic process, three domains exist between client and therapist — the therapist’s experience, the client’s experience, and what is called the intersubjective field created by the interaction of the therapist and client’s experience. When a therapist expresses empathy for a client, they are engaging with their own introspective experience — meaning I’m sitting over here feeling for you, empathizing with you, but I am still entirely in my own experience. When a therapist remains grounded in their own subjective experience, they are protecting themselves from being plunged into a despairing reality. You can sort of think of it like — okay so now you’re super depressed too, fantastic, so how are we going to find out way out of this together?! While the maintenance and protection of the three domains (self, other, and intersubjective) is generally very helpful in therapy, there is a slight and often necessary degree of separation between client and therapist which again usually works — but oftentimes, something more is required when working with grief. 

Emotional dwelling is an approach that is more engaged; that is closer. In emotional dwelling, one does not merely seek to understand the other's emotional pain from the other's perspective. In dwelling, one leans into the other's emotional pain and participates in it. When we dwell with the unendurable pain of another, their shattered emotional worlds are enabled to flow freely, move, integrate, and be cared for and seen with a kind of sacredness that calls forth an understanding and caring engagement within which traumatized states can be gradually transformed into bearable painful feelings. To deny the reality of their pain and suffering would be an invalidation, and a re-infliction of the pain they are already experiencing. 

I think about this well so often when doing grief work with clients. I tell myself — okay, get down in the well Candis. Climb down in the well with them. Because that’s what grief feels like sometimes, doesn’t it? Like you’re desperate and alone, at the bottom of a well and it’s dark and there’s no way out. And maybe in that moment, when your grief feels so heavy and unendurable, you don’t even want to get out. You can’t, and you don’t want to. And sometimes all you need is for someone who is willing to climb down into that deep, dark place with you and just sit there. They can’t change it, they can’t do anything — but they can feel it with you.

The person who climbs down into the well, the engagement of emotional dwelling, must however be very intentional. Because while they are in the well, they must not forget to leave a rope to help you both out at the end. In joining someone down in the well and embracing rather than denying their unbearable suffering, that person risks being completely catapulted into unbearable pain too. So they must leave a rope; a small acknowledgement and gift of hope. When in the well, two differing realities must be held simultaneously —  the reality of unrelenting pain, and the glimmer of light. And that light isn’t a solution or platitude like they’re in a better place — I think that light is just love. I love you, so I’m just going to sit down here in this disgusting well with you. In this sense, the dweller is also a merchant of hope. 

Rachel fell in the well. Yes, she understood Samara’s pain but she did not leave herself a rope or ladder to get out. She became Samara and freed her, not realizing that she needed to leave a rope, a ladder, a bridge to pull them both out of the suffering that they were plunged into. 

So how do you practice your grief and in this case — honour your dead? It’s a relationship with your dead, like creating an alter you tend to, a place to visit your person, and talk to them, and feel their presence. It’s conversations about them — and for everyone listening — please ask those in your life who have lost someone about their person. Ask them what their favourite colour was, their favourite movie, their favourite holiday. I think the worst thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to leave them alone in it. Practice looks like performing ceremony and traditions, like eating their favourite foods during holidays, visiting places they loved. It’s an integration of their life into yours, and living yours as a tribute to them.


Conclusion: 

Maybe it’s the memory of seeing it as a teen and being completely freaked out, but The Ring is a movie that really stays with you. It’s like an itchy blanket that covers you, but you don’t really want it to be there. And it’s blue and grey and kinda damp and it’s uncomfortable and you just can’t shake it. 

I sometimes look at Samara as throwing one big tantrum in this movie. She is in pain, and she wants to scream and shout and pout and stomp her feet and she will not rest until EVERYONE feels how she is feeling. Her tantrum is so big that is spans the entire landscape, envelops families, it transcends generations, breaks rules of physics and technology, and she will CONTINUE throwing that tantrum, devastated in her grief, forever into eternity. 

I am drawn to feeling empathy for her — I really am. She doesn’t want to continue experiencing her grief alone. And as they say — a trouble shared is a trouble halved, so my question for you is — will you pass it on?


Outro:

And that my ghouls is the story of The Ring. Thank you for journeying into the depths with me today and I hope to find you in the darkness again soon.

Be sure to check the show notes for the resources I used today to put this episode together.

Visit my website manymoonstherapy.com to order The Horror Concierge — A Mental Health and Horror Tarot Reading and Film Reco. If you live in Ontario and are interested in psychotherapy with me, I offer tarot x talk therapy or just talk therapy sessions, and I also offer biz consulting services for therapists looking to conjure the private practice of their dreams. You can follow me on Instagram at @manymoonstherapy and you can also learn more about me and my services through my website manymoonstherapy.com. 

OR you can also howl at the moon and I will hear your call.

Bright blessings.