Embracing the Change Episode 4

 In this episode, the girlfriends dive into the topic of embracing change during midlife. They discuss how women's roles, such as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, and colleagues, undergo significant transformations during this period. She reflects on how women often define themselves through these roles and the challenges they face when these roles shift or diminish and challenges listeners to embrace self-discovery while managing the pause.

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Transcript

…Hi Allie. Welcome to we are more than menopause the podcast. 

We are talking about…

Embracing change. Ah so. Yeah. That's a tough one. And it's the Toma Midlife is a time of transition and change and it can be really really difficult to navigate these changes.

however recently…

I've been having a lot of conversations with some girlfriends. And this has been the reoccurring subject that keeps coming up or these changes. And one of the biggest changes happens to be. about. Our transitions as our role as women whether it's mothers or it's…

workers or it's daughters or ma or sisters or wives or colleagues. All of these roles are drastically changing in our lives. And also our bodies So those are the two things There's lots of changes but those are the two things that we're going to talk about today. I actually I always say. Brace for the change versus like are you embracing for it or are you embracing it?

So brace for the…

So as women we tend to be givers right We're givers has mothers as wives as daughters that sends his sisters His friends is. Colleagues we've spent 30 plus years of our life.

Working our magic and making everyone else's lives smoother and happier around us. And. We've become comfortable with that role. We've embraced that role We became comfortable in it It was.

Part of our identity right. No I'm a good mom. I'm a good friend. I'm a good worker. All those things became who we are.

Well, when we get to mid-life things start drastically changing Our roles are changing. and it seems like it just happens so fast Oh my God. You woke up and all of a sudden your kids don't need you anymore Yeah, your relationship has shifted Everything happens like that Everything. Wake up one day and you could you look around and you're like, holy shit Here I am. And how did I get here…

When my role as in corporate world you know I was striving for the best and striving for the best and working and always raising my hand I'll do it I'll do it I'll do it I'll do it to be seen. Right. now I'm like, is this really all there Is is this, is this what I want So now I'm shifting. In my thoughts on that, my children. you know what they're adults and they're doing all the adulting things and they're doing the things that we raised them to do.

They're doing the things that are. Healthy. Right. And part of that is. They don't need us.

They don't need us like they did. and that's a good deal. That's actually a really good thing We. It's a good thing. We just struggle with.

Then what do we do? And who are. And who are we…

Right. If we're not that, who are we? as we were raising our children.

their friend's parents became our friends. Right. Our lives revolved around taking them here and there and this and that And then that now. That was our entertainment. That was, that was our world.

And even when our kids were in college you know we're thinking about this semester and that semester coming home and planning this and planning that So it's still. There were still in our world Right. Well, it always will be to a degree It's just how much. of our. And energy gets.

Put into that part of our life Because they're not dependent on us anymore. They don't need that. They don't need us They they, and you know what. A lot of my role in how I define myself was this good mom right? And you know that's my purpose is to serve my family.

Well, how I serve my family now has changed. So, and that's the, that's the thing that I want, Pam, the therapist, our therapist.

to put your hat on and what are some guidelines that you can share about first of all why does this happen and why does it seem to happen all at once? And how can we change our mindset? And embrace for this change. It's so funny that you talk about serving our family right How How do I. Why.

Why do we always have to serve everybody? Right We do. What about serving ourselves? Like where do we fit into this equation And I know for me I feel like I gave up. I put aside my career.

For years to be that stay at home mom And that was a choice that I made and I fully embraced that. I took on the role of volunteer of the year basically…

and years and years. and so, you know I, I think for so many of us like we wake up. And all of a sudden our kids are gone and grown and like in an instant we do kind of look around and go okay so where are we in How did we get here? But I think it's less about serving our family now because now we actually have the time. To…think about ourselves And so.

Like, what does it that we want What. we enjoy I have a friend who was a dancer She spent her life. She was. Amazing dancer. And she, she stopped dancing She had children and.

And all I could think of was oh my God. How amazing would it be to take a dance class again? Right To like to just go back to that time And so I guess what I would say to us is. What. What excites you?

Like what is it something that you've always maybe wanted to do that you. have never really done. And it could be taking a writing class and it, you know it could be. Like carving out time to. To just go on a walk.

You know I had a girlfriend weekend.

a few weekends ago and. I was talking, I live in Austin and so everybody was coming in and my husband's like well what are you guys doing And I said well one day we're going to go up to this shopping area We're going to go shopping He goes, Why would you do that…

We don't have…

Right. I feel like we spent six hours in this one, like the shopping area. Right. My husband couldn't understand why we did that And I said it's because we can. Yeah, because all of a sudden we can do something like that And it was.

I ain't mean it exhausting, but how nice to be able to set aside time for something that you just won. to do that you've never given yourself permission for. Right. So…

You're right Giving yourself permission…

And I was talking to a good friend of mine Who's really struggling She's in this space right now and she's really really really struggling with it And what part…

That she's struggling. What part of it? Cause it is giant I mean, she feels that. Her children don't need her. And.

They she feels like her role has changed so drastically that she doesn't know who she is. And so I started asking her what. What did you what do you used to do? And if you had all the money in the world what would you do…

And she goes I don't know. Right because we don't give ourselves the time to think about that. Again ourselves. And it's not something that it's just gonna hit you overnight. But right.

You know one of the things that we can do is right. Start. to list all the things that you would love to do. Right What does that, what is it like I know for you it's travel right. Travel is one of those things.

So I, I don't, I don't think it comes to us instantly. But it's giving yourself time to think about it. Yeah. Yeah her kids don't need her as much. Our kids don't.

And want them to need us forever We think we do but we really know. No. We've never had until. It's so abrupt And then we're like wait a second Because in the in which is selfish, we have defined ourselves in that role…

There is no shame. And in devoting ourselves to our children there are some people who devote themselves to their work. There are some people who devote themselves to their children There are some people who do both. Which leaves almost zero time for that. And I…

think…that's a norm. thing for a woman That's what. Sure…for sure. And if you're a working mom, Yeah I guarantee you you are sitting in your meeting or at your office or doing whatever you're doing. Thinking at some point do I have enough laundry detergent?

Yup. Or you're texting their husband and. Ryan Yes We'll pick that up No I won't pick that up. Yes, I got to do this or, or a child said Hey what about this Or you're trying to plan a family dinner that nobody wants to, not everybody can join So you're trying to rearrange schedules Yeah You're, you're multitasking…

And even stay-at-home Moms are constantly. Absolutely. Right, There are 1,010 things to do And so I guess, You know my. What I would say is really give yourself time. Set aside 20 minutes a day and sit in front of a book and doodle and think about what it is that you like, what it is that.

You would want that's okay To do that. You can do that yourself…

And that's the part of mid-life is that is beautiful That's where what we have to embrace is that we don't have these tied responsibilities. We can just sit and doodle We can sit and watch Netflix If we want we can go we can do those things because we have the time. We've never had before. And so that's why I think it's important to. Not just brace for the change, but now we can embrace it and go, okay.

You know what? I really did like sewing I've never been good at it. But I really like it as therapeutic for me If I get into float where time just escapes. And. I was able to pick that up and self-teach myself and I am not good.

But. I enjoy it and that's okay Because for the first time in my life as an adult I'm able to go. You know what. I don't have to be perfect. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. And be where we are Right And so okay. Just be in that. Imperfect stage, right B cause our lives have always been in such fast-forward or constantly climbing and doing and going and. Really the luxury is to actually be, and that's a place of self-discovery.

another thing that I wanted to,

address was our changing bodies. Because and that's one…

Just wanted to briefly. Touch on it because. One of the things that's shocking to me. And I've had this another conversation with the girls weekend Is that. You know, I, sometimes I look in the mirror and go oh my gosh I'm my mother.

Or sometimes I look in the mirror and go. Hey, I look great. I'm happy with who I am I looked pretty good for 57. Is it body dysmorphia? Is that our mindset?

I don't know but the changing skin sometimes is, and the body is jarring because…it's not who I think I am. I know. I always say I aged 20 years from the time I wake up and get out of bed to the time I get to the bathroom mirror. There you go. Yeah.

For sure. And I think oh I I you know, I'm getting in my thirties I'm good. Right now. And I know and so I, we have all the tools We have to see transformation skincare, the night cream and hyleronic acid We have great things that are really helping. The skin helping us with these

things but. It's not changing our mindset…

Right. And I think that actually first of all we have to remember. we are not 20. We do not have the skin of 20 year olds We do not have the bodies of 20 year olds. I can tell you that I ran five miles a day until the time I was 50, from the age of 24 to 50 I ran five miles a day and I was probably always the same size And then I wasn't.

And I was still running…

we have to acknowledge that we are not going to have bodies of. 25 year olds and 30 year olds 35 year olds. We are changing and we are growing and we have to accept. And I don't mean just stop worrying about it I need. Start educating yourself.

And I think that's really key I think education of what happens. What what is different about our bodies What do we need That's different I needed cardio to lose weight when I was 25. I don't need cardio to lose weight when I'm 57. Right I need something different I need my body needs something different. And so I would say that we need to start educating ourselves on what our body needs.

And part of that is identifying what our hormones are what our levels are where we are and that's a whole nother podcast, but I would say, definitely to, to conclude it's we have to start educating ourselves on what our bodies at this age need in order to remain healthy The and I don't mean to get into the same size four pants that we weren't. I mean to actually be healthy because our goal is. That's what we need to shift our goal of our goal. It can't be focused on losing weight. Our goal has to be focused on being healthy.

And that is the message And that's not just the message for us. That should have always been that freaking message It should have been a message to arch. Right…

Yeah. How can we…Now that we've never had before we have tests and you know, That we can get done to find out. If we're a predisposition for. You know, Do the types of cancers. Diabetes.

You know, if our nutrition is actually doing what it's supposed to be doing and our vitamins are at a good area or they're not or our hormones. We are at a stage in our life that no one had before we're able to look. At these test results and understand what our future would look like If we continue down the path. Yeah Or if we change what we're doing. Yes The key Absolutely As longevity the key is healthy.

He is education. Yep. Alright well thanks Pam. Thanks…

Anyway thank you to transformation skincare too To see transformation for sponsoring us today. for giving us permission to use. The dream cream which by the way ladies is ridiculous How it helps you sleep You put it on your face and it relaxes your body It's got magnesium and melatonin and lavender essential oils and it is unbelievable. so want to say thank you to, to see transformation skincare. And you can find it on Amazon.