Good morning, everyone. It is a beautiful morning. Really happy to be here. Happy to be back here. This is lesson four of Kabbalah for everyone. And so the past lessons will help you, though this lesson is completely independent of those. But if you do listen to the past lessons, uh it will help you. We're going to continue this conversation that we've been having about the mind and the heart, the sechel and the mitot, and how the mind shapes the heart. In the middle of my last lesson, I introduced an idea which I would say is a foundational Kabbalistic and Hasidic idea that the mind and the heart are not enemies. And the goal is not to become emotionally numb, and it's not to become emotionally chaotic. The goal is that the mind should teach the heart how to feel. And in a world where we say trust the gut or trust your instincts, it's very hard, it's almost a paradigm shift to start saying my mind is going to teach my heart how to feel. And so today, I want to thicken that idea. I want to slow it down and open it up and make it more useful. First, I want to acknowledge that when we hear the line, the mind rules the heart, or in Hebrew, Moach Shalit Al-Haleev, we could imagine emotional suppression. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you the entire class today in one line, right up front, so you know where we're going. The mind does not cancel the emotions. The mind gives the emotions birth, shape, and direction. That's the whole class. And if you remember nothing else, I want you to remember this. Kabbalah Jewish mysticism is not asking you to feel less. It's asking you to feel truer. And so what I want to do now is kind of build up this idea and see if we can understand ourselves and the world a little better through it. In the Tanya chapter three, Rabbi Schnirzalman says that thought that the three principal sefirot, the intellectual sefirot, which is Chachma, Bina, and Dat, which we've spoken about here, are called the mothers. That the intellectual sefirot, the intellectual attributes are called the mothers, and the emotional attributes, because they are the source and root of the seven midot, the seven emotional traits, they um they are called the children. Now, I think this is remarkable because it means that emotions don't happen in a vacuum. In the Kabbalistic or Sephirot map of the soul, emotions are not random weather. They're not moods. They have parents and they come from somewhere. They're born out of how we perceive, how we interpret, what we dwell on, how we internalize reality. I think for a long time I walked around acting as if my feelings were facts. I felt insulted. Therefore, I have been insulted. I feel anxious. Therefore, something terrible is happening. I feel angry, so I must be right. I feel I feel loving, therefore I must be helping. And what Kabbalah is asking us in this moment is to slow down. We can say a feeling is real, but feeling is not always the deepest truth. And that's why I like that feelings are called children, because sometimes it's a child of good understanding, or it's a child of a distorted understanding, or it's a child of no understanding at all, or it's me looking at the world through the lens of my child that I've been looking at the world through since I was eight years old. And maybe it's time that I flip the switch and start looking at the world through the lens of the adult. So again, thickening these ideas, I want to talk today about three steps. Number one, what is the intellect? Number two, why dot is the hinge. And number three, what all of this means when we're dealing with real life, when a child is screaming, when a partner is annoyed, when my inbox is full, when my coffee hasn't kicked in yet. Sechel doesn't just mean intellect, it doesn't just mean being smart. Okay, I have a brain, and my brain understands, and that is Sechal. No. There's a three-stage process to Sechel. Chachma, which is the flash of inspiration, bina is where we piece it apart and build it, and dot is where we integrate or bond or connect it. So this first conception, this chachma, the point, the seed, you have a flash of inspiration. A moment. Sometimes it's just chachma. It's a moment that comes and then it goes. And what that moment needed, I was talking to uh a famous comedian last week, and I watched as I said something, he pulled out his phone and made a note. And I said to him, What are you making a note of? We're in the middle of talking, and he said, That was a really good joke that you said, I don't want to forget it. And so this comedian, and he said that he kind of he calls him street jokes, where he picks up material on the street and he can integrate it into his act. And I think it's really amazing because he's really showing, he showed me at least this Chakma Bina, where it could have been I told a joke and it was lost in the in the ether for him forever because it was funny in the moment, but there was nothing that would hold it down. Taking out his phone and writing it down became the bina. He took a spark and he wrote it down, and then he's now able to expand it, he's able to analyze it, he's able to build on it. So there's that the joke is told, and I'm sure people have told you jokes before, and you don't remember them a minute later. Because it's really easy for something that I'm saying right now to just be chachma, which means, wow, you can say, wow, that clicked. That made a lot of sense to me. What was it again? What did he say? Wow, I can't remember. What did he say? So that's chachma. Bina would be put writing it down or or working on it and analyzing it, expanding it, talking about it, teaching it, putting it into the conscious and hopefully eventually the subconscious memory. And then comes the third level, which is not obvious, but one that Kabbalah really focuses on, and so I want to focus on it, which is dot. Dot is what makes that idea no longer abstract. It's attachment, it's union, it's when someone tells me something, and I don't want to tell them that it was something that I said a month ago, and now it's theirs. And I love it so much because they have taken that idea and made it their own, that is dot. It's a deep occupancy of consciousness. It's what transforms an idea into a motivation, into an emotional force, into something that really belongs to me, into something that I'm passionate about. So let me give you a more intellectual process, not just the comedian. You hear a beautiful idea. I'll give you a beautiful Kabbalistic idea. That every human being is created in the image of God. It's a beautiful idea. That is a flash. We could forget it in a second. I'll say it again so we don't forget it. Every human being is created in the image of God. Now let's think about it. Let's unpack it. I'm gonna say if that is true, then the annoying person that just caught me off in traffic is also made in the image of God. That the difficult family member has been made in the image of God. The cashier this morning who seemed distracted has been made in the image of God. A person who does a heinous, despicable, terrible crime, terrible act, is made in the image of God. I am also made in the image of God. That is Bina. Now, none of this guarantees that I'm gonna feel differently afterwards. It's not gonna make something difficult any easier. And I can understand this beautifully until I yell at somebody at 1015. Why? I mean, it was a beautiful idea, and now I understand. Every human being is created in the image of God. Why can't I walk over and walk through the world? And every person I see, I see, I say, wow, you beautiful piece of God you are. And when the person is getting upset at me, oh, you beautiful piece of God, why can't I walk through the world doing that? I know it now. It should be a pretty simple thing to do. Well, it's not so simple to do. Because understanding is not yet dot. is when I hold the idea long enough, when I hold the idea steady enough, honest enough, that it begins to reorganize my inner reactions. That unless I fix thought firmly, as the Tanya says, and I bind my mind strongly to what I understand, I will not, Tanya says, produce fear and love. Only vain fancies. And then the Tanya says one more thing, which I think is the most important line of this particular discussion. True fear and love are attained only by way of dot. It's by taking an idea and focusing and thinking and then putting it into practice that it can start generating an emotion. I had this realization that that's what meditation is. Meditation is about thinking about something so deeply that it I start feeling. And that resentments or negative feelings could also be negative meditations. That I actually spent time in my life experiencing negative meditations. I see somebody who did something wrong to me, and automatically that thought of what they did turns into an emotion. That's a negative meditation. And just catching myself. This is the dot experience, catching myself and saying, wait, wait, wait. There's another way. So we started off this class by saying and kind of thickening an idea that the mind should guide the heart. Now, what we're saying is yes, but not every thought is yet a mind that can guide. Only a thought that has become dot can give birth to a lasting emotion. So if you ever said, I know this, but I can't feel it. I know it to be true. I really do want to walk through the world saying you and you and you, and even you who I dislike are created in the image of God. I know that that's true. It's a beautiful truth, but I can't feel it. And it's not true inside of me. And then I'm gonna say, well, then I'm a hypocrite. No. I'm not a hypocrite. It's just a piece of me, which means this idea is in Chachma and Bina and has not made its way, has not reached dot. It's not a failure, it's an ideal, it's a map, it's a place that I want to be, and I may not be there right now, but I could be there. I could exercise that muscle, the muscle of dot to become that. Doesn't make me a hypocrite. I want to ask you a question. I want to invite you to think of an area of your life where you know something, and you know something is true, but you don't consistently feel it. I'll give you some examples. I know that I should be more patient. I know getting angry doesn't help me. I know that I should not take that person's comment so personally. And I want you to just take five seconds and ask where in your life do you have truth in your head, but not in your heart? I'll pause a few seconds just to think of an example. That gap, that exact gap, is where Dot lives. Now, here's where I got stuck, and I think maybe others will get stuck as well. We live in a world with a tremendous amount of information. The word education comes from the Greek word educara, which means conveying a message. So a lot of us are trained to think that the solution is more information. I'm gonna consume more books, more classes, more podcasts, more doom scroll reels and inspirational subtitles. I had a moment where I went on Instagram and I couldn't believe how well it knew me. It's giving me all these inspirational five-second reels. And I'm like, yeah, this is great, but I can just do this forever and it means nothing. It just lots of chachma. Reels are lots of chachma. But even more than that, I can listen, uh, I can love a good class as much as the next one. There's so many rabbis out there that are giving great classes. I love learning. I just want to learn more and more. But here's what's interesting about this, at least the way it landed, is that Kabawad's answer is not more information. It's more inwardness. Sometimes we get a Chachma Bina overload. A Chachmah overload is just like, just feed me data. Feed me data. I have a great, a great realization that we live in a world with so much data, we we don't need to be fed data. Or it could be a bina overload, where it's just like I'm just spending so many hours in my thoughts, and I'm taking these ideas and I'm going over and over and over. So information overload or analyzing overload could be a chahma and bina overload. What is dot? The way that Tanya defines dot is through the verse that Adam knew Eve in the biblical sense. Meaning dot is attachment, it's union. It's when the mind stops visiting an idea and starts living with it. So let me give you this as simply as I can say it. Chachma says, that's interesting. Rabbi, that was a nice lesson. That's interesting. Veen is going to say, I understand it. I understand it. It took me a little while. I had to re-listen to it a few times, but I understand it now. It's a little over my head. Which is good. You want to learn things a little over your head. What does dot say? It says, it has me. It's part of me. I've integrated it. And that's why dot gives the emotions their vitality. The Tanya says that dot gives their emotions their substance and vitality. Because without dot, the feeling is thin. And with dot, the feeling becomes alive. Which means I could continue to feed myself more and more information. It's not going to help me. Because I know so many things that are true. Yet those true things don't affect me. I could say any truth. I would love. My wish in life is I should be a patient person. Okay, that's nice. I'm happy for your wish. I'm happy for my wish. It's a great wish. But how do I become that patient person? That's dot. And I think this is true in every part of life. A partner can know that appreciation matters. And then their partner says, you don't appreciate me. But I know that, I know that. I know that appreciation matters, and I know that I don't appreciate you enough. A parent can know that shaming their child is damaging. That if it's really unconditional love, it should be unconditional love. And then there they are saying something that maybe they should take back. Until what we know is true becomes part of us, our old reactions will keep winning. Because the heart does not move just because the mind made a PowerPoint. The heart moves when the mind stops skimming and starts attaching. I was thinking about how can what exercise can I give you that would move an idea into dot. So I want to give you a practice that you can do this week. Take a sentence that you know is true or true to you. Um what's a sentence that's true to me? This person is not my enemy. What they said could be just one sentence, so I don't want to start analyzing it. Um okay. My reaction was not good. My reaction is not the whole story. I don't need to say everything I feel. Boundaries can be loving. That's a big one that I'm working on right now. I'm not good with boundaries, so boundaries can be loving. So let's take that one. Boundaries can be loving. Say it once. That's Chachma. Boundaries can be loving. Step two. I'm gonna ask, what does this mean specifically in my current situation? I said a generalization that boundaries can be loving. But right now, what am I dealing with right now where that idea becomes a reality? Somebody is overstepping a boundary. This person, name the person, is overstepping a boundary. Or I uh am enabling someone right now in my life, which I should not be. I need a boundary with that person, I need a boundary with that situation and kind of call out the situation. That's Bina. We're taking a generalized idea and we're making it something that is specific to me. Step three. Now we're gonna sit with it for 60 to 90 seconds without changing the subject. Just keep your mind there and sit with it. Boundaries are loving. This person, the story, kind of just sit with it. And that's the beginning of dot. I won't wait 60 to 90 seconds here, but I encourage you to try this out. So take a concept, say it once, one that you know that is true, then make it specific. What does it mean in my current situation? And then sit with it for 60 to 90 seconds. That is the process. And try it. I love to hear how it lands for you. I want to move now to a phrase, a Kabbalistic phrase, that I think is often misunderstood or fleeting. The phrase in Hebrew is Moach Shalit Al Halev, which the literal definition of it is the brain rules over the heart. Now, if you're an emotional person, what does that mean? If you're somebody who who, in the words of Shakespeare, you wear your heart on your sleeve. What does it mean? I don't want my brain to rule over my heart. In chapter twelve, most beautiful chapter of Tanya, Vaishnar Zamun explains that a person can, with the will in their brain, restrain and redirect the cravings of the heart. It doesn't mean that temptation vanishes. It means that I can control it. I'm not helpless before it. I think this is a really important correction to modern confusion. A lot of people today think maturity means authenticity, and authenticity means if I feel it, I must express it. And what he's saying is no, you can feel it, and you should notice it. Noticing is beautiful, and you should learn from it, but you don't have to necessarily obey it. If every feeling automatically becomes speech, then I'm not authentic. I'm captive to my feelings. I can use my adult brain, I can use my process of discernment to decipher what is a positive and negative feeling, and what is a feeling I should keep, and a feeling that maybe I shouldn't keep. Such that the mind can restrain, can redirect, and govern action, it can govern speech, and it can govern thought. Doesn't mean that the that the feeling is gone. Doesn't mean that I'm suppressing the feeling. It doesn't mean that I'm not gonna feel conflict. I just want to know that the conflict is not the steering wheel in my life. That my entire living and breathing moment is not in the noise. There is so much noise. It is so easy today to get sucked into the noise. Our emotions, it's hard, it's very hard. There's a lot going on. I acknowledge there's a lot going on, and it's not getting easier. We can feel anger, we can feel resentment, we can feel jealousy, ego, desire. But it doesn't have to control us. It can exist. It may be the first reaction, it may be the first reaction for the rest of my life, but it doesn't have to be the only reaction. Here's the simplest analogy I can think of this. I think of the mind as the driver and the heart as the engine. If you have a driver with no engine, then you go nowhere. I would say in the world of intellectualism, that is cold intellectualism. A driver with no engine. Now, if you have an engine with no driver, then you crash into something expensive. That's emotional impulsiveness. A driver with no engine, cold intellectualism. An engine with no driver, emotional impulsiveness. What we're trying to do here is bring the driver and the engine and make them work together. Because the driver without the engine is lifeless. And the engine without the driver is dangerous. I know a lot of people who teach these ideas. I have had teachers who have taught me these ideas, and they were quite monotone. They would sit there in this very monotone way and without really emotion. If you hear me in my teaching, I bring my emotion into it. My emotion is very valuable for helping understand these ideas. We can bring a fusion of the heart and the mind. It says the heart is associated with fire and the brain with water. That the fire is the passion, it's the heat, it's the yearning, and the water is the coolness, it's the clarity, it's the calm appraisal. And it's talking there about this passionate love of God that burns in the heart. But the intellect is remaining cool enough to grasp that God wants the soul to stay in the body to perform a mitzvah in this world. So the mind cools the heart, not to kill it, but to keep it aligned with purpose. I'll explain to you what this means, at least in my life. Or in general. Sometimes people think that clarity will ruin passion. Clarity saves passion from self-destruction. Sometimes people think calm means indifference. I don't want to get into any fights, I don't want any problems. It actually could be that calm is the only thing keeping my love from being unhealthy. You love someone. That's fire. Love. Love is passion. You love your child. You love your child so much. This is an example that's given in in Kabbalah. You love your child so much that you see your two-year-old with a life with a knife in their hand, and you love them so much. No problem, two-year-old. I love you with the knife in your hand. I'm gonna let you just run around the house with the knife. Because I love you. Well, yeah, that I mean, I guess you can say that's love, but I don't I don't think so. Water is don't let your child, your two-year-old, run around with a knife. Don't let your child do whatever they want. They don't have the ability at two years old to understand that maybe a knife is not safe. Another example that I'll give, maybe a little closer to home for some of us. I feel passionate about helping someone. I really, I will stop everything I'm doing to help. That's passion. That's fire. And water, I don't want to become the savior who destroys my own boundaries. Try another one. I feel offended. Somebody said something, I'm offended. That's fire, motion. I'm offended. I'm gonna pause before sending the text that I'm gonna have to apologize for tomorrow. That's water. So let me give you another exercise. I'm gonna call this one the fire and water check-in. I want you to think of a current struggle that you're going through. I'm gonna recommend that it not be the biggest struggle that you're going through right now. Just uh a struggle you're going through, the first thing that comes to mind. Got it? Now wait a second. Current struggle. Just take a moment, just think of it, and ask yourself in this struggle, what is the fire and what is the water? If the fire and water are not analogies that you have integrated yet, I'll give you other words for it. What here do I feel deeply? And what calm truth is needed so that this feeling serves life instead of damaging it? I'll say it again. What do I feel deeply here? What do I deeply, deeply feel here? And what calm truth is needed so that this feeling serves life instead of damaging it. If you want to write some of your ideas in the notes, I I love to read them. So again, we're thinking of a struggle. And asking what do I deeply feel? And then we're asking what calm truth is needed so this feeling serves life instead of damaging it. Someone's asking, so all my struggles are so massive, so what do I do? Well, pick one at a time. Because if we what ends up happening is we feel all of it together and then it becomes a mush. So take one. What is the one that is coming to mind first? Somebody just said new parent anxiety struggle. Someone else says, My properties are not sold yet. Feeling some uncertainty. Truth, I know God provides what I need when I need it. Exactly. It's a lot of uncertainty around you're trying to sell a property, you're trying to mean that there's a movement in your life. And in in Judaism, we believe that the right time is more important than the right thing. And sometimes the right time is not at this moment, and it will be when it is the right moment. Someone else says, the truth is I know everything I am doing is fine because my child is still breathing. You're just kind of distilling it to that truth and announcing that truth. Sometimes we know it in our mind, but just verbalizing it and saying it, you can say it to yourself. I the truth is I know everything I'm doing is fine. And my son is still breathing. Just kind of saying that out loud is a very powerful experience. See, the goal here is not to insult the feeling, it's to partner with it with clarity. I want to add another level to this. And the Tanya is referring to love of God. That is the metaphor here. So Rabbi Schnerezalman says that even if a person cannot generate a fully revealed love of God in the heart, it still counts if the love is hidden in the mind and in the recesses of the heart? Let me explain what this means. People often assume, if I'm not passionate, if I'm not on fire, if I'm not motivated, if I'm not reading every self-help book out there, does it count? What if I'm not feeling that today, or I'm just not that kind of person? If if I Prayed today and it was just an absent-minded recitation. It was dry. Was it worthless? If I wasn't inspired, is it fake? If I'm not overflowing emotionally, does it make what I'm doing second rate? And so what the Altereba is saying here is that there's a revealed emotion, and then there's this quieter, more inward, more intellectually rooted feeling. And actually that could be a better, I don't want to start giving the Olympics of feelings, but that could be a more beneficial feeling. Because sometimes the heart is on fire, sometimes the heart is singing, and sometimes the heart is listening. And both matter. And the love is present in a concealed form. Perhaps a lot of our parents were not able to outwardly show that love, but we knew that they had it. It was an inward love. They showed it in their actions. They showed it in other ways because they were from a generation that didn't have the language and the conversation and maybe the freedom to be able to sit here in a beautiful morning without a worry and think about these more existential things. And I think a lot of people, especially when it comes to spiritual practice, say, Well, I'm not feeling it today. Just not feeling moved today. And maybe that's the process, is even if I'm not feeling it. If your mind understands, and if your heart inwardly agrees, and if your words and actions line up, then there's something deeply real taking place. This is the process. And so often we're looking for the product, and we don't take the moment to live in the in the process. Somebody asked before, how do I know if what I'm if if it's a good feeling or a bad feeling? Yes, exactly. The process. That's not it's not a binary question, that's a real process question. And over time, by noticing, we can start noticing what is right and what is wrong, and we'll start experiencing those inner truths. Let me ask you, have you ever assumed that if you were not emotionally swept away, then the experience is not real? I speak to young people who are often in the thrones of a new relationship. And they were expecting to be head over heels, as they say. And it's not that. And they say, well, probably this is not my person. And I always say to them that you are going to be in a relationship with a person that is at a similar or less level of differentiation than you. So if you are not that kind of emotional person, then probably this will not be that. And we have this fairy tale idea of what a relationship is supposed to be, and then the real life hits us, and it's not that. Not every emotion is loud. Some emotions are quiet. Some people are very high emotion, and some people not. And I don't think that truth or holiness is measured only by fire, by heat. It's measured also by a truthfulness, by an alignment. Now I want to go, if I can, if I want, I want to move to kind of start bringing all these ideas together. The goal of today's class was to better understand the mind and the heart. We learned that if emotions are born from the intellect, then better intellect shouldn't just intensify the emotion, it should calibrate it. We're not, we learned not to glorify raw emotion, that we use the intellect to refine the emotion. There's a terminology in Jewish thought that too much love spoils the child. That kindness by itself, untempered, can be harmful, and that that that boundary or severity must be tempered with kindness. That if we're just loving kindness with no end, we can damage. That there needs to be boundaries, that boundaries are part of love. So the mind is going to ask us what emotion is actually called here for. Yes. It could be that it triggered something because this person is doing it often. And it could be it's something else because I'm triggered by my past. I'm not, I've been around a little longer than a year or two. And so therefore, I have a past history, and something this person said triggered something else. It actually has nothing to do with them. What is the story that I instantly told myself? Because I've been telling myself the same story over and over and over again. Is there another way of looking at that story? What response would serve truth, would serve dignity, would serve peace? Or maybe I need a boundary. Or maybe I need a conversation. Is my ego getting in the way and not letting me be humble enough to have a conversation with the person I love? Or even if it's a person who I am not in a relationship with. I say love, love in the English language is not a good word because you can love ice cream and you can love your grandma. There's God, there should be another word to help us differentiate the love of ice cream and the love of grandmas. Maybe I need to say that wasn't okay. But right now, I'm reacting. Right now, I'm getting enraged. Right now, I'm working through all of these, and and and my ego is getting in the way. I feel hurt. I feel hurt. I'm not diminishing the eye. We have to stick up for ourselves. And also that could last the first 30 seconds, the first 60 seconds, the first 90 seconds, and then what? And then I want the intellect to kick in. Let me try to give you, this is my third exercise of the day. I'm gonna call this one Name the Story Behind the Feeling. I want to invite you to take one strong feeling that you had this past week and think of it on three levels. The feeling, what did I feel? The story, what did I tell myself that made me feel it more strongly? So, what did I feel? What did I tell myself that made me feel it more strongly? And the third, the truth. What might my intellect say that the first story did not include? So let me let me go through this process with you. I'm really angry. What's the story? Someone disrespected me. What's the truth? Maybe I'm overwhelmed. Maybe I still need a boundary. Maybe I don't need a meltdown. The feeling. I'll try another one. The feeling, anxiety. It's a big one right now. What's the story? Everything is collapsing. Everything is collapsing. What's the truth? Some things are difficult, but not everything is catastrophic. It may feel like that in this moment. I'll try another one. Shame. What's the story? I failed. I am a failure. I have always been a failure. What's the truth? I made a mistake. And I can repair it. See, at this point, here's my worry. This all still sounds very cerebral. I can't help it, this is a frontal lesson. As much as I try to break that barrier, it's still a frontal lesson. So I want to just make sure that this is clear as we're thickening this idea. We're not trying to freeze the heart. We're trying to rescue the heart from being superficial. The end goal is still love. It's still desire. It's still attachment. But what we want is a more inward desire, a more stable attachment. The mind is the parent, the emotions are the children. The mind is the source, the root of the emotions. We want to take the reactions, or what we're going to call the shallow feelings, and turn them into deeper. If I only live by my first impulse, there's no depth. It's just fast. I'm living this fast life. What we're asking is step back. Just take a step back. Don't live by your first impulse. If we can pause, if we can reflect, if we can feel more truthfully. There's reactive emotion. Reactive emotion is I feel, therefore I act. That's reactive emotion. There is suppressed emotion. I feel, but I deny it. It's too hard to go there. Suppressed emotion. And then there's refined emotion. I feel, I examine, I guide, and I express wisely. That's what we're trying to do here. Not reactive, not suppressed, but refined. I feel it. I acknowledge the feeling may be good, it may be bad, it may be ugly, it may not be something I'm proud of. I'm not gonna get stuck. I'm not gonna start judging myself for the feeling, but I'm also not gonna get stuck in it. I'm gonna examine it, I'm gonna guide it, and then I'm gonna see if I can change that expression. And that is the brain ruling over the heart. What does it mean? Simply, I am capable of refinement. I am capable of not judging myself for my first reaction. I have the ability to take a step back and examine this and guide this and try again. I don't have to just say that was it. I did it once. There's no, sorry. The most popular advice, it's it's big wedding season, thank God. Right now I have a wedding almost every night, a beautiful, beautiful uh time in the world, people getting married, love. And I I talk to a lot of young couples, they're getting married, and of course, when someone's getting married, people have so much advice. All the unsolicited advice about relationships that you ever wanted. And what is the number one piece of unsolicited advice that people give newlyweds? Number one piece of advice, hands down. Don't go to bed in a fight. Thank you. Don't go to bed, mad. Number one piece of unsolicited advice. I think that is terrible advice. Because tomorrow you'll still be married. It's okay. The world is not gonna end if you go to bed and you're in a fight. Tomorrow you'll still be in a relationship. You maybe right now is not the best time when we're in the heat to deal with it in an illogical, rational way. And so that's what we're saying is that don't get married to your reaction. There's gonna there's a way to rationally just kind of take a step back. If you need to sleep on it, sleep on it. Try again tomorrow. If you think you can you can handle it, try again. We are we are humans, and humans are going to be flawed. The question is, are we gonna get stuck in that narrative to the point where we have to get married to that narrative, to that story, to that first reaction? Or can we rise above it and have the brain rule over the heart and say, no, I don't like the way I reacted. I want to try again. I want to close this conversation today. We started the conversation with the mind teaching the heart how to feel. What we wanted to do was thicken those ideas to be more exact. We now know the mind has levels, Chachma sees, Bina explains, dot attaches. And the it's only when an idea is held with dot that it genuinely gives birth to enduring emotion. And that's why the Tanya calls the intellectual powers the mothers of the emotions. And that's why it insists the true fear and love come specifically through this process of dot. Then the Tanya tells us that even when the heart is not glowing, that we still have a built-in power of Moach Shalit al Alev, the mind controlling or honing the heart, the mind can redirect expression. The person we, you and I, were not enslaved to impulse. And even this kind of like more quiet inward love that's hidden in the mind or in the recesses of the heart can still be something that we can bring out. So here's my practical takeaway. I don't want to despise my feelings, I don't want to worship my feelings, I want to educate my feelings. And when I do this consistently, I begin to live differently, I begin to parent differently, I argue differently, I pray differently, I recover from emotion differently, I become less dramatic and more deep, which for some people may be like splitting the Red Sea. My blessing, my blessing to you is that may God, may Hashem, bless us, that what we know in our minds should enter our hearts, and bless us with the wisdom to understand the dot to internalize, and the emotional maturity to feel with truth. May our loving kindness become wiser, may our may it may our gavura, may our boundaries become kinder. May our thoughts, our words, and our actions become more aligned with the deepest truth of our souls, and may Hashem bless every single one of us, our families, those we love, our communities, the world with revealed good, with health, with peace, with joy, and with hearts that are warmed by the truth and minds that are illuminated in a world that is just beautiful, absolutely beautiful, because it is and it always will be, and it always is a beautiful day. That I wish you a beautiful day until we meet again.