Addiction: The Next Step

Finding Strength in Every Step: The Summer Smith 5K

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A mother's profound experience unfolds as Kristin Smith shares the heart-wrenching journey of her daughter, Summer Smith. This episode offers a deeply personal account of how a bright young girl's life was drastically changed by trauma, leading to early substance use. Kristin's story challenges us to discern the subtle differences between adolescent experimentation and signs of deeper struggles, providing invaluable guidance for parents who are navigating similar paths. Through Summer's story, we learn essential lessons about peer pressure and the unpredictability of addiction, underscoring the vital importance of open communication and awareness within families.

https://www.summersmith5k.com/

Isabel Byon:

The New York State Office of Addiction Services and Supports, or OASAS, provides this podcast as a public service. Thoughts and opinions expressed do not necessarily represent or reflect those of the agency or state. This is Addiction: The Next Step.

Jerry Gretzinger:

You are listening to Addiction: the Next Step brought to you by the New York State Office of Addiction Services and Supports. I'm your host, Jerry Gretzinger, and today, on the episode of the podcast, we're going to be talking about something that will certainly, I think, make a connection with a lot of people, because we're talking about a young person, a child of someone, who had a substance use issue that they were dealing with that did not come to the kind of conclusion that the family had certainly hoped for, but it is also a story of using that as an opportunity to do a lot of good and to help others going forward. So we'll get into all of that right now, but first I'm going to introduce our guest, and our guest is Kristin Smith. Thank you so much for sitting down with us.

Kristin Smith:

Thank you,

Jerry Gretzinger:

and Kristin. I talked about this young person, this child, and this is your child. Her name is Summer Smith.

Kristin Smith:

Yes.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And I love the piece of this story about what's happening now in her memory to help others who may find themselves in a situation similar to what hers was. But I want to start with a story about your daughter. I want people to know who she was and how we got to where we are today. So, if you don't mind, take us back, tell us about Summer.

Kristin Smith:

Summer was bright. When I say bright, I mean bright like sunshine, just like her name. She was strong. She grew up being challenged. When she was a young child, she was vivacious. She was here in Guilderland. She was a student here and was doing very well in school. And when she reached about fourth grade, her demeanor changed, her behavior changed and I started taking her to counseling. I wanted to find out what was going on, and it turns out she was being victimized. She was a victim of child sexual abuse by a very close family member and her life changed in ways that I can't even begin to describe. As well as our families, and you know, you think that you need to protect your children from, for example, outside of your home. You don't necessarily realize that you need to protect your child from inside your home at times.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Yeah, All right. So I know you said. Her demeanor changed when this started happening, so you noticed this. You spoke to her. You discovered this was going on.

Kristin Smith:

Yes, yes, and began taking her to counseling.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So so at what point, I guess, was it before that, during that, after that that substances became a part of, I'm assuming, how she was coping with what was going on in her life?

Kristin Smith:

Yes, I didn't realize, but Summer actually began drinking at the very tender age of nine. I did not have alcohol in my household, but apparently when she would visit other folks' homes and she obviously began to like that feeling, as she explained to me. It helped to cover up some of the pain that she was feeling, even though she was going to counseling.

Jerry Gretzinger:

When did she let on to you that she had been, you know, drinking alcohol at that early age?

Kristin Smith:

I did not know that until the year before Summer passed away. I became aware when Summer was 14, she came to me and she said Mom, I've been smoking pot and I have not been able to stop. And at that point I took her in to talk to somebody. She began going to meetings, she began going to an outpatient group and we thought she was doing well after that.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So you talked about the alcohol. You eventually learned that it started as early as nine years old. At 14, she talked about using cannabis. Did she go to other substances at any point?

Kristin Smith:

She did and I was not always as aware. I became aware when she was older. I knew she was experimenting with different things. I knew that she was drinking. At that time though I really thought it was more of that typical behavior you might see with an adolescent who is experimenting. But we continued to go to counseling as a family together and Summer again individually. But she struggled so much during that period, spending some time inpatient in places and actually even being diagnosed as well with some mental health co-occurring disorders at that time.

Jerry Gretzinger:

You mentioned something there that while you were seeing some of these behaviors she was exhibiting, you weren't sure if it was just the typical pattern that some teens go through in this time of life. Before we go forward, if there's parents out there that are wondering, you know, looking at it now, are there certain things that they might want to look for? To say, okay, no, that is out of the ordinary. Or this is the way to know the difference between acceptable and a different level of concern.

Kristin Smith:

I think you know everything is easier when you look back, but I still I think when you're in the moment. It is very hard at that age because you do anticipate your children perhaps experimenting. The majority of us have. And I go to a conversation that my own daughter, Summer, had with her 12-year-old son and I think she gave the best advice. And this was in the year before she passed, when she was living a life in sustained recovery before her last overdose well, not her last overdose, but her last relapse, which resulted in an overdose.

Kristin Smith:

She was talking to her son and she said people are going to approach you. You're going to be approached by your peers, just like all children are. They're going to want you to try things and it's normal to be able to do this, but for some people you just can't stop and you don't know it's you until it's too late. So, looking back at Summer's behaviors, she became, I would say, that she would step back and not be as open as she would. She started to come home a lot later than she normally would. Following the rules was a challenge for her. She would hide things, but she was also very good at really keeping it under wraps. She was still going to school. She graduated from Guilderland High School, so I really didn't know the extent as to what was really going on until she was a little older, until she was about 18 years old, when she was introduced to some other substances.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So yeah, so I want to move on to that. So we've talked about 9 years old, we got to 14. You just referenced 18. And you also talked about how she had a son. So how old was she when she, as you alluded to, overdosed and passed?

Kristin Smith:

Summer was 31.

Jerry Gretzinger:

31.

Kristin Smith:

So she battled with substance use disorder. She fought this battle for probably about 13 to 14 years in a very noticeable way, when we became very aware as a family what was going on.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And so it sounds like you know you were doing all you could at the time. She was in counseling. You know you were trying to speak to her. It is not an easy thing to have a child who's using substances and obviously keeping some things from the parental figures you said at 18 she went into other substances, so we discussed alcohol, we talked about cannabis and then it went on to what?

Kristin Smith:

It first started with cocaine. Cocaine became a drug of choice for Summer. She was introduced to that by somebody again who she was very close to, and that's the story that she shared with her son. She said the person that introduced her to it could stop. She couldn't, and then from there it went to heroin. When Summer gave birth she was diagnosed with endometriosis and she was given OxyContin and she started to take that and then she was kind of off to the races and then, when that was not available for her any longer, it turned into heroin. Is my understanding.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And we hear so many instances that are similar to that, where they were given something as a prescription and then it just became unsustainable, and finding other ways to get that fix, if you will. So she had a child. When did she have her first child?

Kristin Smith:

She was 18 years old when she had her first child and I always say she was an amazing mom. When Summer was not having a difficult time she loved her son so much she would do anything for him and her writings that I find now reflect that. But one of the things I think that we know is you can't find your way into recovery for somebody else, even for your child. People want to say just do it for your child. You have to find that for yourself.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And so you talked about how she was in and out of treatment and recovery periods. When did she first hit a good stretch of recovery that you can remember, where I'm sure it gave everybody hope that she's doing great?

Kristin Smith:

We would go through this about every year and a half that we would have a really good period. It might be, you know, first you have good periods of days and I always say cautiously optimistic and then it might turn into a few weeks and then into a few months, and then you'd notice behaviors coming back, the lack of phone calls, the lack of connection, and you would begin to worry again. I describe it as a parent, as living in a way that your foot is like halfway down on the pedal. All the time. You don't know what's going to happen. You don't know the phone calls that you get in the middle of the night.

Kristin Smith:

And Summer would experience a lot of paranoia related to her early trauma, and we see this with so many young folks who begin to dabble in some type of substance use. As you mentioned earlier, it's to cover that pain and for her again it resulted in paranoia. So I would at times get 25 calls in one night. She would think that the person who was her abuser was after her. She would call the police to come help her, she would reach out any way that she could, but then she would continue to use that cycle.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And so when those moments came, when she was doing well, you said and then you would have those reduction in phone calls, and then the lots of calls at night, with the paranoia. What substance was she going back to? Was it all of the above? Was there something that kept just like reaching back to her?

Kristin Smith:

For Summer. It was cocaine and people often think that heroin is the only thing that we're facing right now, or fentanyl as it's changed to, and one of the messages that I always like to get across is it can be anything, it can be just and I don't like to use the word just but alcohol. We lose so many people to different substances and crack cocaine. People don't think of a young white girl in Guilderland, New York, using crack cocaine and she said to me, Mom, when somebody introduced that to me, I could never. I spent the whole time trying to get that same high again, trying to take the pain away.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Yeah, and it's you know, like you mentioned, you don't want to say just alcohol, but the reality is everything is still out there. Right, we have something that's you know, maybe grabbing the headlines right now because it is such a major concern at this moment, but that doesn't mean everything else has gone away and people still have to work through those things. So so I know Summer. As you said, she passed when she was 31.

Jerry Gretzinger:

and so I know we talked about one child.

Jerry Gretzinger:

She went on to have other children as well

Kristin Smith:

yes, she has a total of three boys and they're all doing very, very well and, again, she loved those boys so very much. Right now the boys are 13, 14, 22 and just doing amazingly well. I just came back from visiting with my oldest grandson.

Kristin Smith:

We took a long, delayed trip to Alaska for his graduation present and had a lot of time to talk about his mom. You know he experienced a lot of anger when his mom passed. It's very hard for those children who have parents who they lose or struggle with substance use disorder because you want to think am I not enough? Why can't you get this right for me?

Jerry Gretzinger:

And I know it's been about 10 years since she passed. Now right.

Kristin Smith:

It's. You know, I woke up this morning before I came here and I was thinking about that and I can't believe it, but it has been in January, january 9th 2025. It will be 10 years since I lost my child.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And so, just doing the math here, that would have made her sons at the time but 12, 4, and 3, I think.

Kristin Smith:

Yes.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So difficult time never not a difficult time, but a difficult time in their upbringing and growing up to have to face something like that certainly.

Kristin Smith:

Very much so, very much so. And unfortunately we have so many families, not only here in New York State but across the United States and across the world, that are facing the same scenario and putting us in areas where we have kinship care, where grandparents are now raising these young children. So it's a disease that not only takes down the person, that is, the immediate person, but, as we always know, it's a family disease and unfortunately it continues.

Jerry Gretzinger:

So I want to, before we get into what's been happening for most of the last 10 years, to remember her and honor her. I want to have us just talk about what happened when she turned 31? What was that final situation that took her from us?

Kristin Smith:

Well, I'd like to mention before is before we lost her. The previous three years were wonderful in the fact that each year things were getting progressively better. So I say three years before we lost Summer, she spent that Christmas in jail. Two years before she spent the Christmas in a rehab facility where we were able to visit her.

Kristin Smith:

And then that previous year, and as we headed into this last Christmas that we had, she made what was for her a very hard decision to participate in Schenectady Drug Court and she said you know, I want this, I want to get away from this hell of addiction that I'm dealing with, I want to be free.

Kristin Smith:

And she knew she could do what she'd always done before and, you know, just continue down that path. But she wanted to have her sobriety, she wanted to be a great mom, and so she was trying so hard and unfortunately her insurance company that she was working with stopped paying for her treatment at that time and she had not yet been connected to a new treatment provider. So she lost contact with her outpatient groups and the things that were there to support her and she began experimenting again. And she also made the very difficult decision to reach out to the person who had abused her when she was a young child and she just wanted to hear I'm sorry. And the way that the person behaved towards her was horrific and the way that she coped with that was to pick up alcohol and she kind of thought, as so many do, I can do this, I can get away with this, I'm going to be okay. And then we do know that she began experimenting with spice, which she was able to get at a bodega.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And spice for people who don't know is.

Kristin Smith:

Is synthetic marijuana. It's like potpourri and every time we think that it's been taken away I guess it comes, in my understanding, from outside. In other countries they package it as potpourri, things like that, and they change the chemicals in it so it can come into the country and folks can smoke it and get a high like cannabis. And we believe that she had a relapse and that we think again I'll never know the full details is that it was laced. There was PCP in Summer's system, which for those who don't know, is angel dust and that is not a drug of choice for Summer Combined with Robitussin, we believe she had been very sick, so she had been taking Robitussin and she was taking excessive amounts.

Jerry Gretzinger:

All in her system.

Kristin Smith:

All in her system as well as regular prescription medication, and she passed away in her bed in the women's housing program at Schenectady Y. My gratitude is for the fact that she was in the place, that she was cared for, in the place that she lived she wasn't on the street as so many were and that she just fell asleep that night. She just fell asleep.

Jerry Gretzinger:

You know. I just want to mention too. You talked about how the three years before you lost Summer each year was progressively better, and I think there's a message in that too is that we talk about recovery, and recovery is not a destination. You don't get there and say, hey, I made it, I'm done. It really is an active maintaining of that recovery that you're in and that the challenges can continue to be very real.

Kristin Smith:

A hundred percent. You know, when I tried to, I would say to my daughter Summer, I can't even put myself in your place. I said you know, for me I'll say food is my drug of choice. If something goes wrong in my life, if I have a rough day. Today was not the best of days and so the first thing I did was reach for something to eat and I said there's not even really a chemical reaction with that. My brain, I mean there is somewhat with things like sugar. But I said I cannot imagine what it's like to wake up every day and think for just five seconds that you're okay and then all of a sudden everything comes pouring back in. I cannot even imagine. So I know it was difficult for me, but for her it had to have been horrific.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Yeah Well, I first I want to say seriously sorry and condolences on the loss of Summer. I know it's been 10 years and I'm sure it never gets easier, but something I know that you've been doing, that I'm sure has been helpful to you and certainly her sons and all those who knew her, is there's a race. I know there was a point at which she said I want to do a race and she did a race. I know there was a point at which she said I want to do a race and she did. And, as such, you now provide that opportunity and it's all about addressing stigma in her memory to keep her memory alive, but also to do some good in that memory. Talk to us about this race and how that came about.

Kristin Smith:

Sure, as you said. Yes, Summer

Kristin Smith:

came to me one day and she said, mom, you know she was living in the Women's Housing Program. She was getting involved in some amazing things. It's such a great program here that we have at the Schenectady Y, the women's housing program. She was working with Habitat for Humanity and they have a group that was coming in called STEM, Strong Through Every Mile, and that group was started by Jennifer Gish and it's to empower women who are victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse to be empowered by crossing a finish line.

Kristin Smith:

So she said I'm going to do this race and I'm like, summer, you've got to be kidding me. I just, you know, I had faith in her but I was just like shocked, this was not our thing. And she did, and I went to see her and she did it in honor of her grandmother, who she was extremely close to. It was for arthritis, called the Jingle Bell Run, and I watched her cross that finish line and it was like a nasty, horrible, horrible day that I didn't even want to be out of the house.

Kristin Smith:

And she never gave up. She didn't stop and I was so proud and we were like competitive. We were close in age, I was a very young mom, and so I said you know what, girl, if you can do this, good old mom's going to do this with you, right? So that was our plan. We were going to run together and I was going to kind of come in as a volunteer with this group as well and work with those who really didn't run, because that was my thing and I lost her, sorry.

Jerry Gretzinger:

I'm sure that's a part of the story that's never easy to tell.

Kristin Smith:

No, because as a parent, you never give up hope and and I just miss her every day. I miss her every moment. She was a pain in my butt but I miss her every moment. But I needed to live and I needed to survive. And I say sometimes that I ran, literally and figuratively. I thought, well, I'll be a volunteer and I'll show up and it was the best thing I ever did. So I had this commitment, three days a week that I needed to go as a volunteer and I struggled, just like I'm supposed to be the one helping them learn to run well, and they all knew Summer and they lived with her. These women at the Y and they surrounded me with love and support. And what I have learned in people that are in recovery are amazing and they get it and they get you. And in fact, today, when I'm done here, I'm being picked up by one of those women that was running. She's still a good friend, she's got so many years in recovery, but I did this three days a week.

Kristin Smith:

And it took me to a place where I could process my grief. And so our first they have a goal run that they do when they do this. And so I finished that run and I'm laughing because I crossed the finish line and people are like, where did Kristin go? And I'm older now, so I had to run right into the bathroom. So they're like where is she? And when I came back out, I was thinking you know, this is amazing.

Kristin Smith:

This run is for domestic violence that we had done, started by a mom who had lost her child, and I thought is there anything like this at the time for addiction awareness? And you have to think this was almost 10 years ago. We weren't having the conversation, we would not be sitting there having this conversation that you and I are having right now, and I thought let's do this. And when you don't know what you're doing, you surround yourself by people who do you go on a leap in a prayer. And Summer's love and her caring nature for other people helped me become a race director, and I still don't love running, but I'm an amazing race director.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And so it's something you probably never thought you'd be doing.

Kristin Smith:

A hundred percent.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Here it is and something that means so much to you and doing so much good for so many people. It's now. It's going into its ninth year.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Is that right?

Jerry Gretzinger:

Yes, and it happens in May.

Kristin Smith:

It happens in May, we have it at Guilderland High School. So Summer was a graduate of Guilderland High School, so it's very important to me that we are here in this community, I think a lot of times people think although it's definitely changed with the recent epidemic that we're in that it doesn't happen here and it does happen here,

Jerry Gretzinger:

and so the actual name of the race is

Kristin Smith:

it's a long one it's the Summer Smith 5K Addiction Awareness Memorial Run.

Jerry Gretzinger:

All right, great, so people can look that up. We can certainly post information to it if people want to be involved. When do you recommend people start getting themselves registered, signed up, all that?

Kristin Smith:

Sure, usually after the first of the year. So we do have a website you can go to. It's called summersmith5k. com and you can go there. You can also see Summer's story as well. There's information there.

Kristin Smith:

We'll have some events leading up to it and for those people we say we take walkers, we take runners, we encourage people to come in teams. We're going to do a lot of encouragement with that, with that this year. And we are one of the few races that allow animals as well. We're a big animal support type of group and so you can bring your dogs, your cats, as long as they're well-behaved. And you know, one of the things this is, in addition to being a race, it's a day we give a lot of scholarships away to those people that are actively in recovery. If somebody is in recovery and they want to come to the run and do not have the money, we will give them a free entry into the race.

Jerry Gretzinger:

That's great.

Kristin Smith:

We go out to several of the houses around here that have people in recovery some of the young folks and share Summer's story. And this is a day to celebrate what it's like to be surrounded with your community, have a great time, laugh, and we also honor those that have lost their lives. So we tell a story on the run, on the way out. We have folks who hold signs and they tell the story. Every other sign is a fact about substance use disorder and a story that is designed by a family member, and we do that at no charge to the family that they tell about somebody they've lost. And then my best friend always holds the sign. But there's hope and it starts with you know, 23.5 million people live their lives in recovery and that is the story. And then we show signs of people who are living their lives, their best lives, in recovery. So it's a day to honor and it's a day to celebrate.

Jerry Gretzinger:

It sounds like it's a great day. It sounds like it's a great race that happens and the way it's done is just tremendous. And, Kristin, again thank you so much for coming on and sharing the story of your daughter talking to us about the race, and I certainly hope that people will take the opportunity to get involved. So great too that if somebody doesn't have the means or maybe isn't a runner, they can run, they can walk, they can walk their dog or cat yes, just be involved, be a part of that great moment.

Jerry Gretzinger:

Thank you so much again for sitting down with us today, sure.

Kristin Smith:

Thank you.

Jerry Gretzinger:

And thank you for checking out the podcast here today. I'm Jerry Gretzinger, your host again for Addiction: The Next Step brought to you by the New York State Office of Addiction Services and Supports. If you want to learn more information about what we talked about today, or just what we can do to help out, go to oasas. ny. gov. Oasas. ny. gov. We'll talk to you soon. Be well.

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