Ever found yourself locked in a verbal tug-of-war with a teenager over something as simple as podcast preferences? Joe Haslam and I, Adam Richardson, did just that, sparking a conversation about the art of communication with our often-misunderstood teens. This episode is an invitation to parents and guardians to step into the shoes of a parenting coach, equipped with listening skills and a safe space for every topic under the sun. We get personal as we share stories from our own parenting trenches, offering insights into how we can all become more effective communicators and create stronger family bonds.
Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of the teenage years can feel like deciphering an ancient language, but Joe and I lay out some strategies that actually work. We talk about how to accept the 'gifts' of trust our teens offer us when they share their lives, and why their dramatic outbursts are not personal attacks but rather opportunities for connection. From the power of mutual respect to recognizing when to take a breath and de-stress, we cover the essential groundwork for opening the lines of communication early, so that navigating stress becomes a team effort within the family.
Finally, we cap off the episode with an intriguing look at the animal kingdom, drawing parallels between the complex behaviors of monkeys and magpies and our own familial interactions. These stories not only provide a dose of humor but also a unique perspective on the relationships we nurture with our teens. So, join us as we laugh, learn, and embark on the continuous journey of self-improvement, all in the name of bettering the lives of our families and the communities we serve.
Ever found yourself locked in a verbal tug-of-war with a teenager over something as simple as podcast preferences? Joe Haslam and I, Adam Richardson, did just that, sparking a conversation about the art of communication with our often-misunderstood teens. This episode is an invitation to parents and guardians to step into the shoes of a parenting coach, equipped with listening skills and a safe space for every topic under the sun. We get personal as we share stories from our own parenting trenches, offering insights into how we can all become more effective communicators and create stronger family bonds.
Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of the teenage years can feel like deciphering an ancient language, but Joe and I lay out some strategies that actually work. We talk about how to accept the 'gifts' of trust our teens offer us when they share their lives, and why their dramatic outbursts are not personal attacks but rather opportunities for connection. From the power of mutual respect to recognizing when to take a breath and de-stress, we cover the essential groundwork for opening the lines of communication early, so that navigating stress becomes a team effort within the family.
Finally, we cap off the episode with an intriguing look at the animal kingdom, drawing parallels between the complex behaviors of monkeys and magpies and our own familial interactions. These stories not only provide a dose of humor but also a unique perspective on the relationships we nurture with our teens. So, join us as we laugh, learn, and embark on the continuous journey of self-improvement, all in the name of bettering the lives of our families and the communities we serve.
Today on the Idiots Guide, we're talking about the art of negotiating with a teenager's brain How-to's, how-not-to's. We have all those deets today and monkey business is pretty serious business if you ask anyone, especially if it involves a revenge plot to remove every wild dog in a nearby village by tossing them off high roofs and treetops. What I'm? Your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Idiots Guide.
Speaker 1:Well, this episode started off because of a question that you actually asked my son, basically asking him a question about what kind of podcast he would first off listen to or be interested in, what is something that he would want to hear about, and his answer was basically kind of a parenting coach, coaching parents on listening skills and having a therapist those two strong things. That's really been where he's a big advocate for it. So, honestly, I like that. He was pretty forthcoming, pretty right to the point about it and I appreciate that. I know that you didn't want just some glossy teenage answer like I don't know, I hate podcasts, some angsty teenager thing. No, I hope it's something that maybe I would be able to go back and tell my son. I was like, hey, you should listen to this and critique it and see if we even came close to what you were talking about. But we do hope that in this episode the goal is for us to at least give you some tasty morsels of how to negotiate with those terrorists or teenagers.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think it's an important thing we were talking about what kind of topics we'd want to talk about on the podcast, and I'm just going to give a shout out to anyone listening to the podcast, watching on YouTube. If you've got ideas for topics for us to talk about on the podcast, we're always interested in hearing what you want to hear about. The whole idea is we're idiots, the same as everyone else in this world. We just may be a little bit further down the road, and so if there's anything that you've got questions on, anything at all, put it in the comments. So comment on this. Let us know what you want to hear.
Speaker 1:If you're there real quick. Also, subscribe, like you know, hit the little bell, that dingy bell thing, because that's really helpful too. It'll let you know when our next episode. We try to post pretty consistently every single week, unless one of us is dead, and I think we're both here. So we're good, we're pretty good about that. So you know, if you like what you hear, you know, subscribe and we'll try to keep it relevant and we're gonna listen to your comments. If you have something to say, be it good, bad, critical, whatever it is, let us know. We'd love to engage.
Speaker 2:If I talk too much, put it in the comments. We do really want to know.
Speaker 1:Yes, Because I'm watching the clock. It just doesn't stop it.
Speaker 2:It's still there, and that's the thing I mean. It's we're idiots too. So, you know, critique us, tell us what we need to learn, but this is essentially what we did with your son is. You know we were talking about? You know what kind of topics would he want to hear from two middle-aged guys? And that was the thing communication, communication between parents and kids, and that right there, I think, is one as a parent, having that open dialogue with your kids. What should we talk about? What is it that you want to hear from us? What is it that you want as part of our family life? Yeah, that's an important thing to talk about, and so I mean, if nothing else from that takeaway or from the rest of this podcast, so if you stop listening now, please don't, but if you stop listening now, that's the takeaway. Talk to your kids about what they want to talk about.
Speaker 1:I think that's a lot of license right there. Like I mean, I have a 15 year old, so I and you have some teenagers in your house, so you definitely there's a lot of things that you know both my teenagers don't mind talking about and for the most part, I think that statement is right. But then every once in a while I was like you shut your face, I don't wanna hear that coming out of your mouth again. You know, like I don't know, I don't say that, but I do. I'm like there are some things that I'm like okay, no, we're not going there. Like, no, no, la, la, la, you know.
Speaker 2:You know, and this is one thing I mean, I've got all girls. But talking about periods in the house, talking about, any of you know, women's health, anything like that, those are all open topics.
Speaker 1:I think I joke about it, even with my kids. I joke about it, but it has more to do with the fact that they feel comfortable talking to me about anything. That's exactly it. That's what it's about.
Speaker 2:And so, even if it might make you uncomfortable it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all but if it ever makes you uncomfortable, just be open with your kids, let them know. Oh, that's a little uncomfortable of a topic, but I'm glad you're talking to me about this and it helped me work through my being uncomfortable with it, because if you're uncomfortable with it and they're trying to talk to you about it, they may then feel bad or feel uncomfortable about talking about that thing with anyone. You know you're the first line of defense in their everyday life about their communication skills and so when you're open to talk about those kinds of things and you're open about even your squeamishness I know there are a lot of dads out there who do not like talking about periods- and I just use that as an example, because it is such a squeamish topic for many, many dads, even some moms, I mean.
Speaker 2:they don't like to talk about this kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I kind of find that I mean, I grew up with sisters, so it's maybe I'm a little bit different in this capacity, but I think about how I never really was squeamish about that, other than the fact of like I'm very unqualified if I'm asked to go buy hygiene products. Oh yeah, and usually, like you know, like to the most part, like there was one time I remember the old story years ago that I was asked to go find certain things and I was given a task to find it, instructed on what it was, and when I got there I saw the wall oh, feminine hygiene. And that thing was massive. There was so many choices. I was like wings, extra pads, super absorbent, you know, heavy flow. Oh, okay, so, and by the time I literally like flagged someone down and said I don't have the parts to be here. Can you help me please?
Speaker 2:And just being open in that communication, just being willing to even just discuss your own squeamishness with that, that's important and it could be anything. It could be talking about horror movies, it could be talking about their sex life, it could be talking about really anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know just being open to talking about that is so important and being honest about it. If you're squeamish about talking about any of this stuff, tell your kids. They'll understand. Just like Adam was surprised that his son had such an insightful topic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was really quite blown away and revealing of myself, you know, in the process.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of things that we don't. We discount teenagers and their ability to have those really good thoughts and so, and how understanding they really are.
Speaker 1:They say kids say the darndest things. But I think teenagers say darnder things. There you go, yeah, but no, darnder is not a word, but it is today.
Speaker 2:There you go, we make up words all the time, yeah, but they will be open with you. They'll be understanding. If you say it's not my area of comfortability, let's talk to someone else, or you know. Just be understanding that this is making me squeamish.
Speaker 2:I hate horror movies. That's one thing that I have a hard time talking about is, you know, like psychological thrillers, those kinds of horror movies, because it's just, it's so. You know, I do a lot of research on the brain and all that stuff and so watching those movies it's like extra intense, even when they're just talking about it, so that always makes me squeamish. Most people horror movies anything like that Everyone.
Speaker 1:It's just oh, that was extra splashy. And you're like, yeah, but what's going on in that kid's brain Like it's real bad.
Speaker 2:You know what's the impact of this? What's the trauma impact? What are they going to be doing later in life? I mean, what's all this impact? How is that person's not going to recover from this murder scene? You know, right, and so that's. I mean, those are my thoughts. I mean I get very concerned. So I mean they're actors, joe, actors, I know, but you know, it's just, it's just one of those things where everyone has their uncomfortable conversations. But being open about, yeah, that's not necessarily my area of, or that is my area of squeamishness.
Speaker 1:I agree, like my wife and I have a very differing perspective about that. I grew up in a household that was not hack and slash or watcher. Like we watched Hocus Pocus and that's like the scariest thing. You know. My wife grew up like as a little girl watching very, very horrible slasher movies, and so we have this mixed bag at home where my oldest teenager is now like I like these, these are cool. And I was like, yeah, but my other teenager, he's like yeah, I don't really care for them, they're not my jam. And I was like you and I will get along great, so it's fun.
Speaker 1:But I think, you know, like one of the things I want to jump in as we do this, I'm kind of following a guide from it's called Newport Academy. It's like a sorry reform school. Basically it's a helpful school for really troubled teens. But this tip list is really good. So I really appreciate it and I'll add the link in our details here. But tip number one keep your cool and stay centered. Like honestly, it's don't you know, like be a role model that you want your kids to be able to be like. You're like man, I can't wait till I'm a parent and I'm as cool as you are, like doesn't mean that you're like here guys shots for everyone, you know. But it means that you're not like just offended or appalled when they bring you something about their life. They're bringing you something about their life. Take that like, bring it in and welcome it and you know like maybe take a breath, but honestly, just don't take it personal. They're not attacking you. They're actually inviting you into a very inner circle of their life.
Speaker 2:And that's a really important thing is that we may look at this. So here's maybe a bad example, but I think it's a good example. So you know cats and dogs, when you have them as pets, if they go and hunt anything outside, a lot of times they will bring it to you and present it to you as a gift. We as humans see that, as you have presented me with this half eaten leftover rat, and it's disgusting when the animal is thinking I have just presented you with half of something that I went out and hunted myself and this is the greatest present that I can provide.
Speaker 1:I have protected the home from the dragons and I have provided food to the household at the same time.
Speaker 2:No, and so it's kind of the same thing with teenagers is any opening that they are coming to talk to you about, no matter what it is. I mean, they could even just be angry about something that happened at school and consequently kind of yelling at you about this thing that happened at school, when what's really happening is that they are sharing a piece of themself with you, and so what you may see as this attack or negativity or anything like that is actually the biggest gift that this child can provide to you, and so it's important to recognize that and, like that tip says, not lose your cool when it may be something that you may not like.
Speaker 1:I think about. You know, in other, in years past I've had where it's like, okay, if you're coming to me and you're venting and whatnot. Now, granted, if my kid comes up to me and just lays into me and is just furious, I might want them to take a moment and go calm down a little bit before they deal with that, only because I still do want to be respected. But in years past it was like you will respect me and speak to me accordingly, and you know I've had to recognize, just like you said, not to take it personal, but to read that, hey, they're speaking from their day, they're speaking from an experience that they're dealing with. It's not my fault, and you know if I need to temper that and be like, hey, it's not my fault. Can we bring the volume down a little bit? You know I'll try to do that. Or, like I said, let's take a break and come back at this.
Speaker 1:I do want to hear about what's going on. Sounds like it was really stressful sort of a thing. You're acknowledging the fact that you see them when that matters and that's gonna go a long ways because you know they oftentimes go, they recluse and you're like, well, we never see you in the house. You never come up for dinner. You are always saying I get one word answers to all my questions. I was like you know, like yeah, and it's.
Speaker 2:You know, a lot of times we ourselves, parents, deal with a lot of stress that teens never even recognize. And there are, we get stressed out, and so there are times when a kid comes home and they're stressed and they want to vent to you and you have also had a stressful day and you are not ready to be vented to. Yeah, and just that interaction right there that you know, two High-charged individuals in that moment can lead from what should be a very communal moment to a very conflicting moment. Yeah, through no fault other than you've both had stressful days, and so that's when it's important to recognize and I like the advice that you just gave it's important to recognize you know where you're at and what's being asked of you in that moment. And if you're not ready for it, you say I've also had a really bad day. I hope you can understand. I want to talk to you about this. Let me calm down for a little bit so that I can be in a place when you can vent to me and be frustrated to me.
Speaker 1:I promise you, I'm not going to react to that? You are safer in 10 minutes.
Speaker 2:Right and in that openness now. Hopefully it's not starting in teenage years, because that might be a jarring Realization for a teenager. But if you start young talking about this and being open about your own emotions, then by that time they will hopefully have that realization that my parents go through this too. I Can step away from that and any teenagers that are listening to that. If your parents says that to you, it's probably because they are Really stressed out and they're trying to protect you by not talking about everything that they're going through. They recognize you've got your issues too and they don't want to vent to you. They want to be your source of Relief and so they want to be able to withhold a lot of that Frustration from you, and so they've got to work on their own thing and then when they're in that right space, then they're welcoming you in to be able to talk about that and vent about that and it works both ways.
Speaker 1:I mean like it gives them, if I give, if I ask for that time or that space for a moment, to kind of take a break and get away, it isn't because I don't want to hear, but at the same time it's I want, I want them to Process it better so they aren't, like you know, all the shields are up, everyone's charging forward. That's where I'm gonna meet you for the day. I'm like why, like you said, I mean we both have our stresses, like I'm gonna, I'm gonna be dealing with what I'm gonna be dealing with, and and I don't want you to be met with the same shield wall that I've got up and and so I want to, I want to sit down and kind of dismantle that a little bit so that and that gives you that time. At the same time, one of the things that like this, this also and you know talks about it says emphasize positive, you know like positive parenting, and I I don't really want to say like I Like, oh, wow, you sure know how to fill a dishwasher. You know like, if that works, great, you know, like most teens are gonna be like, yeah, whatever you know like, but it's more about the practice that you acknowledge that they maybe they maybe during this time that they had a stressful day. They came to you and they went after they're going after something specific. You know they had a really bad day and and you ask them to take five and when they come back you recognize how Calmly or collected they are. You can see the difference in that. That's encouraging to them, that's positive reinforcement for them to go like I can organize my own thoughts.
Speaker 1:I have a superpower, you know like, whatever it is, but it's, it's finding those things and you know this. This thing is actually like, try this for 30 days, like, do this and you know, at least find some sort of strength that you're emphasizing in that in your teen Over the next 30 days and see what happens. Like, see how, how much more conversation that expands into what, what that becomes. But instead of it just going all right, dukes up, let's do this. Come on, you know like, tell me about your day, share with me your day and I'll share it with you. Mine, and you know like we're just breathing fire at each other, you know so yeah, and, and I do want to read, so this is so.
Speaker 2:When I was in college, I took a it was a child development or human development course, and In that course the textbook for that was the developing person through the lifespan by Kathleen Berger. Now I've kept that textbook with me since I took that class. It's so much that I actually have pictures on my phone of the important sections on dealing with teenagers that the one you sent me pictures of yes, oh, wow, and that's a very old book, yeah it is a very old book.
Speaker 2:It. This was the sixth edition, so that was 2005. There is a newer version, the 12th edition, which is in 2022. Based on the comments and things from the later editions, it's basically the same. I think they've updated maybe some of the statistics or something racism out of it. There wasn't a lot of that, but it does. So. It goes over all the different stages of the development and there's, you know, a lot of great information in there. If you get a chance to read that, I wouldn't necessarily go and buy it. I think the sixth edition. I saw it on Amazon for a couple bucks. So if you want something like that, I mean if it's up there Some people were saying they were having a hard time getting them, so I don't. I can't necessarily trust what's on Amazon anymore. It is for two dollars. You're like Shipping from where like, but I land it is a textbook.
Speaker 1:It reads like a textbook.
Speaker 2:But I found it really helpful. There are a lot of great helpful advice out there. I'm trying to remember the name. I should have looked this up before I'll try to link. I'll have Adam link it in the Description of another author that does really good parenting books. Okay, that follow a lot of the same principles that we're talking about. I just can't remember focus on the family.
Speaker 1:Is that what it? No, no, okay.
Speaker 2:It's like so wholesome the whole brainchild, I think, is one of his books Really good books, okay. But so this section is called parent adolescent conflict. As long as parents and adolescents live under the same roof, a certain amount of conflict arises when the young person's drive for independence clashes with the parent's tradition of control. Now, a lot of people will take that negatively the parent's tradition of control but that's what we all do. I mean, we're trying to keep them alive for the first 10 years of their life, before they reach the teenager hood, because they're I mean, they can't survive on their own, so we control everything about them. We've talked about this on previous podcasts. That you know when it comes to money, all of a sudden we're no longer supporting them once they turn a teenager and have a job of their own, and how jarring that is. It's because we were controlling everything about their finances. It's not an aggressive control, it's just we have control over it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And all of a sudden it's no longer there and they have to control it themselves. And so it's. It's that control. It's not an aggressive control, it's just we have control of their lives and they want independence. And once they reach that teenager development stage and that's immediate conflict, it will immediately conflict. We have the same thing.
Speaker 2:I don't know whether we talked about it too much, but when elderly individuals we talked about, you know, bad driving, when people need to have their driver's license taken away at a certain age and their children's are the ones that are then controlling their parents' lives, yeah, once they reach that stage to remove that driver's license, it's that control and there is conflict there that ensues. And then so it goes on to talk about. Few parents can resist making a critical comment about the dirty socks on the floor or about the ring on the eyebrow, and few adolescents can calmly listen to expressions of concern without feeling they're being unfairly judged. And that is a reference to Smith, anna and Askwith in 1994. In general, bickering peaks early in the in early and mid adolescence family life. Normally adjustments occur on both sides. With the child's physical maturity and emotional independence comes mutual appreciation and respect. But this process takes time.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So just know that conflict happens. Just be patient, take the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think if you shut down conflict, if you shut down the con, like you're basically shutting down any kind of communication. Because, as a teenager, they're trying to experiment with their own independence at all different levels, whether that's making food, sleeping schedule or going to school, you know you're going to get resistance in all sorts of directions randomly. There's really no like forecast for it either, because I have a 13 year old that one day he's, he's great and the next day I'm like why are you awake? Like you shouldn't, you should go to bed, like that's the only thing that's reasonable right now and it's for the most part they're great. But if I, if I didn't know like, if I didn't have the thought process about like these, these conflicts are natural. They're normal and they're trying to kind of stretch their wings at an age appropriate style and they don't know what age appropriate is for themselves. So you're there not to just tie them to their age. You're there to guide them through that age so that they know that the next you know thing, like with good rules, good expectations, household, you know things, what's appropriate, play, what's you know, and also what's what's appropriate for consequences when things happen, you know. Those are all important things that really serve the greater good of everything.
Speaker 1:The other part about it is, you know all like so far, a lot of this is communicating. You know we're communicating. You know how we say things to to our kids, how we talk to each other, how we approach frustration together, how do we approach expectation with each other. I think, with with all of it, even if you're talking positive experiences, you're dealing with somebody that every single emotion that they're dealing with is like on steroids. So when they're happy, they don't know that they have puppy feet and they will smash and break everything. Okay. But when they're mad, they don't know they have puppy feet and will smash and break everything. So it's, it's just kind of one of those things.
Speaker 2:One of the best things I ever read. Now I don't have the reference for this. I have looked for the reference for this for years. But I in my biology class in ninth grade, the teacher I don't know if the teacher had brought in a bunch of magazines, science magazines, what it was but there were a bunch of magazines there and the one that was at my desk I picked it up and started reading. It was on neurological function. So I think this is where all of my fascination with you know, neural activity and brain function, all that came from. But I read there was an article in there, if anyone can find this. So this would have had to have been so. I think it was like 98, 99. It was a periodical, so it would have been around there or earlier. It had a picture of a brain on the front with a bunch of different colored lines on it. That's all I can remember.
Speaker 1:If anyone can?
Speaker 2:find it. I would love it because I do want to reread this article. But in the article they compared the brainwave patterns of teenagers to the brainwave patterns of clinically insane individuals. So people who have clinical insanity, who are in sanitariums I don't know if that's the appropriate term for it but people who are, you know, clinically in this situation. Okay.
Speaker 2:And they found that the brainwave patterns of teenagers are more convoluted than those of people in that are clinically insane, and so that right there kind of gives you the picture of what teenagers are going through on a daily basis.
Speaker 1:I mean, there is a reason why I used the word negotiating because, honestly, that's what you're doing, you're, you are. You have to be fully aware of the fact that this person is not saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and again if anyone can find that. I have looked for years. I would love to actually read that article to make sure that I remember it correctly and just to get where that study came from and all that information, because it's it was fascinating to me Some interesting things.
Speaker 1:I think kind of, maybe this is evidence of that, you know, sanity versus insanity sort of approach. And I'm going to be very delicate about this because this is directly at home, but you know this, this week I've I've been addressing some attendance concerns with my, my son, and over the last couple weeks we've had, you know, illnesses and some different things that have caused classes to be missed. And then earlier this week, instead of going to class, he felt, like you know, he didn't want to be overwhelmed by the teacher asking so many questions about the assignment works that were going on, and so he didn't go and he missed a test. So he so he didn't go to the class and he missed a test for the entire unit, basically didn't do any work in the entire unit because he hasn't been in class for a couple weeks. And now you know, I'm getting email communication from the teacher like hey, is there any time? Your son is going to be around sometime. And I talked to him about it and he gave me a story that said that he was in class that day and implied that he was with one of the teacher's aides to go over some material, and so in front of him.
Speaker 1:I send a reply to the teacher saying all of this information and talking about a couple, you know, like we just had this and this and one, so some good details at least to justify why he hasn't been there for weeks, and I get a reply that's no, I checked with the aid, he was definitely not there. He actually wasn't there. Finally I pulled it out of him but you know, I like literally I just had to sit there and be like I'm going to give you one more try, you can have a chance for this. What I don't understand this is the insanity part where I have complete reason in this. Why, if I make up a lie, am I going to watch somebody confirm the lie to somebody else that's being implicated in that lie, knowing full well that that's exactly what's going to happen is, you will be found out what's better I mean like I guess what's worse. I look at it and go. You could have told me that you didn't go because you felt like this and yeah, I'm going to be bothered, but that's where we're at in our communication, that you could tell me this.
Speaker 1:So when I asked him, I was like why didn't you? He goes, I, because I didn't want to get in trouble. I was like you think you're good, you think that's worse. Like, like buddy, you have no idea what's coming at this point. Like this, this is way worse. You've you've now brought new parties into this story. Like this is a problem. So I mean he's, he's facing the music of this for for the next foreseeable future.
Speaker 1:But you know, it's going back and forth about that and just kind of like I don't know, like I think if I take a step back a few years to that same scenario and had me personally been in that scenario at that point, I probably would have, I wouldn't have even seen, I wouldn't be reasonable. Like just I kept my cool. He definitely fell apart because I rocked his world, I took things away that like you wanna have this, you wanna have this, you're gonna have this for the week and yada, yada, yada. And you know, for the most part he's been pretty decent, kind of a pain every once in a while. But he's also a teenager. So you know, I can't, like we've been talking about, I can't have expectations that he's gonna be an angel now that he's screwed up. I was like, no, he's gonna try to top it. I'm very sure of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the thing with teenagers. I mean, in this situation, I mean they create this environment. There's a world in their brain that you know the teacher's not gonna respond, they're gonna get away with it, or maybe by some miracle they're gonna be able to. They're gonna corroborate the story or not be able to corroborate it, and so they get away with it. There are a lot of reasons why they do that and it's just it's, it's that teenage brain. That is just crazy.
Speaker 2:You can expect them to just not do everything right. They are learning. That's the most important thing. I mean, when it comes to communication, they are learning just like they're learning social studies, just like they're learning math, just like they're learning science. They have to go through and be taught all of that and unfortunately, with a lot of this social stuff, you know, when it comes to lying and honesty, when it comes to how to interact with people around them, when it comes to really anything in life and their development, it's a process of they have to be taught, and we as a society don't do a very good job of teaching those things, and so the majority of it has to be learned through experience, by making mistakes.
Speaker 1:And honestly I think most I don't wanna say most, but a lot of parents. Don't let them get to that point of making mistakes. They're too much of a helicopter and you want to protect your kid but at some point you have to. You have to let the line out enough for them to feel that that burner's hot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have to learn. Yes, and that comes from experience, they have to make the mistakes. The first step to success is failure.
Speaker 1:If it's something that's endangering, please intervene. Yes, Absolutely no question. But if it's something like, yeah, you're gonna regret that, you know, then they're gonna. If they don't, then it's guaranteed to happen again later. So, one way or another, they will learn, but better that they learn under that kind of safety net that they're like man, if this knocks you down, guess who's there to catch you, you know?
Speaker 2:And the communication comes in on a lot of those more dangerous things. By talking about it, by being open about it In our society, in the United States specifically, we don't ever talk about sex. Yeah, it's a taboo subject from everyone, and by not talking about it you're opening the doors. For you know, they have to learn by experience and that's an extremely dangerous topic to learn from experience. I'm gonna.
Speaker 1:I have a small little thing that I'm not gonna go into the details about. You know essentially the story, but we had a story in the sphere of sex that basically I had a conversation with my son about and just some experimentation that was done and in that process I have to allude really, really good at this, because they're kids and I don't.
Speaker 2:I definitely don't wanna you know and just so everyone knows yes, our kids hate us for talking about them.
Speaker 1:No, like it was. The conversation was in that nature, okay. But when we had the conversation I asked some pretty explicit questions because I wanted to understand the depth of his knowledge. And then afterward I'm like you know, like, okay, I'm like you're like what this, this, and after all that he goes, what you're not like? I thought you would just tear my head off and I was like why.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, you did something stupid. Like you're not, nothing's broken, nothing you know like, yeah, at the end of the day, like there are far worse things you could do than just be dumb, okay, so I'll let you be dumb and sit here and be like, yeah, are you gonna do it again? No, well, you're probably gonna do it again, no guarantee. But I don't want this to be something that becomes a negative thing for you, because later on in life it's a great thing. Right now I need to teach you the responsibility of it, and me losing my temper doesn't teach you that. Me losing my temper and grounding you just makes you wanna go do it more. It's gonna drive you with that direction. So rather just go. Yeah, what'd you think? Kinda dumb? Yeah, cool, glad that's your perspective. Let's carry on, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's that communication. It's just being open to talk about that kind of stuff. Even the things that we may see is awkward or uncomfortable, talk about it. That's the only way they're gonna learn. If you don't ever sit down with them and show them that two plus two equals four, they will never know that two plus two equals four If they don't know these things about social interaction yep they won't be able to function and they will make probably a lot of bad mistakes.
Speaker 2:So be upfront, be proactive, talk to them about that kind of stuff, because it really does save lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely One of the last ones that I really this list is pretty good and I'll add it to the notes, obviously. But the last tip is one that they talk about seeking professional mental health help and that works in all sorts of capacities. Myself, I'll admit. We have a family therapist that we meet regularly and talk with regularly. Sometimes it's with our kids, sometimes it's my wife and I, sometimes it's a kid and I. This therapist is therefore pretty much everything that we go through and a lot of things for me.
Speaker 1:I'm a book reader, so I usually will go and take from whatever I've talked about with that therapist go read a book about stuff to kind of reinforce what has been discussed, and then that allows me to have a little bit better process when I'm negotiating with a terrorist teenager, sorry, and I think that's where, from the very beginning of our podcast here, talking to my son and asking him that question is to be able to have a good conversation with your kid and have that some kind of peace amidst that constant tornado of an age and then having some kind of therapeutic help in essence is he's a testimony to that. He will say that has been the saving grace in our relationship, and I know that there's lots of other people that have the same sort of story there. It has only been because of this that they've been able to incorporate some good communication skills, some good clear conversations, unconditionally loving each other and having a therapist there to be like yeah, you guys didn't do that one right. Yeah, you did that one right, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just to throw in there, none of us are perfect. None of us are perfect. We're idiots, just the same as everyone else in this world. And as much as we talk about this stuff, it's impossible to be to adhere to it 100% of the time. I'd say it's impossible to adhere to it 75% of the time.
Speaker 1:It really is.
Speaker 2:yeah, you get stressed, things happen and so. But the more we strive to do it, the more we work on it and the better communication that we have means that when we do lose our cool, when our kids lose their cool, when conflict happens, it's that much easier to get over the conflict. So after everything is said and done, it's okay. You know, conflict happens. You know, one of my daughters and I we butt heads big time big time.
Speaker 2:You know, we are way too much alike, and there are times where I just get so stressed out that it's.
Speaker 2:you know, we yell at each other and I know it's wrong, but you know your brain gets into that stage and it's hard to get out of it. But afterward, when calmer heads prevail, she and I get along and it's a great relationship and we both recognize that in each other and occasionally we'll joke about it. But that's just sometimes how it happens. So don't feel down about yourself. If you mess up. You just try harder next time.
Speaker 2:That's what your teenagers are doing. That's what every one of us does every single day of our lives, and so it's just that, striving to be better, striving to work harder. You'll never be perfect at it, just work on it, and that communication is really important and part of that process. So and I did find the name of the author it is Daniel Siegel, s-i-e-g-e-l, so he has a lot of great books, so, yeah, so if you ever want to look anything up for you know, parenting advice or anything like that, daniel Siegel does a really good job and he has an MD.
Speaker 1:Cool, you know, I think, mentioning about conflict and that kind of stuff, one of the things you, lastly, you want to do is try to seek revenge. You know, like there's no reason for you to have revenge on anything and teach your kids that you know seeking revenge is inappropriate. I think last episode we talked about I was like, yeah, I teach my kids hit for hit. Yes, I do, but I don't be like, okay, no, it doesn't accelerate, like it doesn't get worse and worse it's. You know. It's just you gave me a dead arm. I get to give you a dead arm, you know, and usually I have to teach my oldest that he is a lot stronger than every single other sibling in the house. So if he does do that, I'm like now dad gets to give you a dead arm, you know.
Speaker 1:But the idea is not seeking revenge. Much like monkeys, you shouldn't seek revenge, but these monkeys did and they did it in such a weird way. So the story is that there's this India village, that basically little town I can't remember the name of the town here, it's like it's about 300 miles outside of Mumbai called Lavool is. So Lavool has about 5,000 people in there, but there's wild dogs in India that's a normal thing to be to see running around. Here. We have animal control. There they just have packs of wild dogs. Well, this pack of wild dogs was a massive pack and they happened to kill the baby of a local tribe of monkeys okay, or group, or whatever you call them. I don't know what you call a community of monkeys, okay, so in just gonna look this up while I'm talking about it.
Speaker 1:In retaliation for this, these monkeys exterminated the entire pack of dogs. Not in some sort of like we're going to take you out and transport you to another safer community and refuge where you can live out the rest of your days in this tranquil environment. No, they straight up hauled them to the top not the highest location they could and threw them off of these top, killing 250 dogs in this area. Like insane how this was so much so. It was starting to be like when kids were walking their dogs. These, like their domesticated dogs. These monkeys were trying to take the dogs. There was one that actually was the monkey tried to take the kid and the whole community like chucked a bunch of rocks and the and finally, like it got to a point where this was getting really aggressive. These monkeys are like well, you guys have had the dogs, I'm going every.
Speaker 1:I have no idea the logic behind this, but it takes some real thought to go okay, you killed my babies, you're all dead to me, you know. And they do it in such a terrible way that they're like there's even parts where a whole bunch of village like some of the men in the village got together to try to fight these monkeys and almost fell off these high, high locations trying to fight them. Like imagine if that happened and some guy like fell off the roof because he's fighting a monkey.
Speaker 2:Like you know, the only thing I can think right now is I cannot wait until one of the adolescent monkeys starts becoming friends with one of the adolescent dogs and you see them, you know, walking hand in paw through the village, reuniting. I mean, it's west side story, romeo and Juliet going on.
Speaker 1:I just think Hollywood has to get this and make a like a, like a Pixar movie out of it or something. Illumination, we should do that one. Yeah, I should recommend it be like hey, angry monkeys getting revenge about these dogs. No, you can't do that, because they're throwing these dogs and killing them off. Oh geez, that's terrible.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, eventually what happened is the local or the nearby forest services were finally paying attention to it. After these, you know, these adult men were, you know, possibly you know closely like endangered by fighting monkeys that they, they ended up, the forest service came in and captured two of them and like, literally, like Saturday, like this last Saturday, they did this and captured two of them and redistributed them, took them. They were the two monkeys were, like thought to be the aggressors in this, like they're the most killed, the most puppies, basically, like I have no like these, but but now they were transported to a local like refuge where they get delivered at the days in a tranquil paradise and you know, whatever it is, but they're like I just well, fittingly, I did find out what a, what a group of monkeys, is called.
Speaker 1:It's called a troop a troop, a troop of monkeys, too aggressive monkey one, monkeys that apparently are serial killers for dogs. So I I just the. The story is so out of the way like crazy that I couldn't resist sharing how wild this was. But I'll link it. You can read the full article. It's. It's about a 10 minute read, but it's not, it's not bad, it's it's. It's really quite entertaining just the efforts that the local community had to go through just to try to contain this ridiculous problem. And I nobody understands, like even talking to you know, animal professionals like zoologists, go like. This is not normal behavior from even a troop of monkeys or a pack of dogs, neither one of these. Like a wild pack of dogs. Killing a baby monkey, that's probably normal. If the baby monkey was encroaching on some kind of food, okay, great, they become food, absolutely. But these guys meditate on this and go back after and exterminate the dogs.
Speaker 2:That's wild like they say it's not there. But I mean I already listed two examples in literature of humans doing this, and humans are animals. I mean we've got the Hatfields and the McCoys there. We have a long history, not to mention the civil war, of conflicts against each other over.
Speaker 1:You know, civil war was not a slight you're like careful but, you know, Hatfields and McCoys, the West Side Story over some kind of disagreement or, you know, because someone has caused something against the world war one was a battle of alliances because one person was assassinated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that was a world war off of one person's assassination. Now that's an oversimplification, but I mean, we see these kinds of behaviors in humans yeah it's. I mean I would kind of expect I'm surprised we don't see it more in the animal kingdom that that is a wild, wild story wow, and I just I, I really actually enjoyed coming across an article.
Speaker 1:So like violent that wasn't humans, like I would give credit to humans doing something like this, like tribes against tribes. You know, sort of a thing to think that monkeys did this, that take that takes planning and coordinating, especially for how they took care of these dogs they're evolving but?
Speaker 1:but I think about, like you know, animal wise, like if you think about crows or ravens, they will often take their critters to the highest height that they can and drop it and then, once it hits the ground it's dead and that's how they kill their prey and like that's pretty ingenious. There's not a lot of birds that know how to do that, there's only a few, like some hawks, that know how to do that, and crows or ravens, magpies remember people oh yeah, that's true, magpies magpie, if you disturb them, every time they see you they will go after you.
Speaker 2:They remember people and they do it maliciously. Magpies are super intelligent what are seagulls?
Speaker 1:are in that same sphere? I don't think so.
Speaker 2:They're just kind of mine mine, there's a reason why they sound dumb in movies too no offense to any seagulls that may be listening to this true seagulls, lives matter.
Speaker 1:Hey, don't forget, like and subscribe, leave a comment or two, tell us what you want to hear. We can talk about pretty much anything. We are idiots, we admit it, and we're happy to guide you in random, hopefully decent directions. We try to. But we would like to hear from you and see what kind of valuable stuff you're interested in. But we've reached the end of our show for the day. Remember life's too short, so keep laughing and keep learning, and remember idiots have way more fun. Check your shoes.