The Idiots Guide
Sometimes it's about "ADULTING" enough for the day, and other times it's about Keeping a job, Feeding the family, Educating the kids, and Buying the stuff.
Most of us were taught how to read, write, and math good.
But never taught how to file taxes, change a tire, or cook a meal.
How in the world have we survived?
Well, have no fear, the Idiots are here to guide you.
We don't know much more about all the stuff but we might be just a little further down the road than you.
Make no mistake, most of our advice is more like don't try this at home.
Hope it helps!
The Idiots Guide
From Burnout to Balance: Navigating Toxic Perfectionism Ep53 TIG
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword—can you harness its power without succumbing to its pitfalls? On this episode of The Idiot's Guide, we promise to help you understand the nuances of perfectionism and its varying impacts on your life. We'll dissect the four categories of perfectionism: self-oriented, other-oriented, socially prescribed, and adaptive. Discover how adaptive perfectionism can be beneficial, whereas other forms often root themselves in fear of failure, stifling productivity and creativity. We'll share practical advice for managing these negative tendencies, emphasizing the importance of focusing on success and growth.
Ever felt like no matter how much you achieve, it's never enough? You're not alone. Join us as we share personal stories and discuss the emotional toll of toxic perfectionism, including its link to anxiety, burnout, and imposter syndrome. We'll delve into strategies to combat self-criticism and adjust unrealistic expectations. Plus, we introduce two transformative programs aimed at fostering financial empowerment and mental health through neuroplasticity, offering new ways to cultivate healthier thought patterns. By recognizing and validating your achievements, you can gain a more balanced perspective and mitigate the adverse effects of perfectionism.
How does perfectionism show up in your relationships and online presence? Learn how unrealistic standards can strain personal connections and work environments. We highlight how demanding perfectionism can lead to burnout and missed opportunities for growth, whether it's micromanaging household chores or overbearing supervision at work. Additionally, we explore the harmful influence of social media on our perceptions of perfection, urging a shift towards embracing "good enough." Finally, we emphasize the importance of self-acceptance and grace, encouraging you to use your perfectionistic tendencies as strengths rather than barriers. Join us in this enlightening conversation to gain insights and tips for a healthier, more balanced approach to perfectionism.
Hey on the Idiot's Guide. Have you ever felt the pressure to be perfect at some point? Maybe it was acing an exam, landing that dream job or just keeping up appearances on social media. But what happens when the pursuit of perfection turns toxic? How does it affect our productivity, our creativity and overall well-being? In this episode, we'll peel back the layers of toxic perfectionism and explore how it impacts us internally and externally, and we'll offer some practical tips to keep it in check. I'm your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Union Sky.
Speaker 1:What I found really difficult about this episode was the fact that I struggle with perfectionism, and it was very, very apparent when I started writing the notes about this episode. It was actually completely obvious that I was like oh wow, I am everything about this episode. This is terrible. I was a crazed perfectionist. The internal side of things looking at yourself and having some level of expectation you know that you maybe unrealistically have well, most likely unrealistically have. But then on the flip side, externally, of some of those expectations that you usually press upon yourself, you're also pressing upon other individuals which affect your relationships, how you communicate, even to the point of you know where you go in life, your success track. But you had you've done a little bit of homework and so like can you briefly kind of break down some of like the different categories as we define what perfectionism is?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so not all perfectionism is negative. There is a healthy form of perfectionism, and that's an important thing to take away from here is that there is a healthy way to express that.
Speaker 1:Well, there you have it. That's all I do is perfect perfectionism.
Speaker 2:I don't believe that for a second.
Speaker 2:I think there are a lot more people who suffer from this toxic perfectionism than we realize. But when healthy perfectionism? And so what I'm reading here this is from Psychology Today. This is an article that's been reviewed by the Psychology Today staff, so this doesn't have a specific author, but the staff kind of put together some basics on perfectionism. So when healthy, it can be self-motivating and drive you to overcome adversity and achieve success. When unhealthy, it can be a fast and enduring track to unhappiness. Okay, so there are three forms of negative perfectionism the self-oriented perfectionism, which is imposing an unrealistic desire to be perfect to oneself. Other oriented perfectionism means imposing unrealistic standards or of perfection on others. And then there's socially prescribed perfectionism that involves perceiving unrealistic expectations of perfection from others, and so that's where you perceive this expectation from other people to be perfect.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So that's the social side. So there's self other-oriented and then socially prescribed perfectionism. The one type of perfectionism that is good is adaptive perfectionism. The one type of perfectionism that is good is adaptive perfectionism. Can you explain that? So adaptive, or positive perfectionists set lofty goals, have high standards and work relentlessly hard for their success hard for their success. They are achievement-oriented, whereas maladaptive perfectionists are failure-oriented. So when we're talking about the negative, so what makes extreme perfectionism so toxic is that, while those in its grips desire success, they are most focused not on the success, but most focused on avoiding failure, resulting in a negative orientation. And so they're not looking at the success of what they're doing and being perfect, they are looking at I need to avoid failure in order to be perfect.
Speaker 2:And it's a really strong shift there. Whereas the adaptive perfectionism is focusing on the success, adaptive perfectionists desire growth, enjoy being challenged and problem-solve well. Their perfectionistic tendencies are a strength, not a weakness.
Speaker 1:And so when you're looking at. That's hard to interpret. Most people generally are not adaptive and so when you're looking at, it's hard to, it's hard to interpret, like most people generally are not adaptive.
Speaker 2:no, exactly, I think. For most people who are perfectionists, they are only trying to be perfect, not for the success of what they're doing right, but to avoid failing at what they're doing.
Speaker 1:It's a fear rather than like a motivation. Exactly, You're actually like it's almost a trauma.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and that's a lot of the socially prescribed perfectionism and other oriented perfectionism where someone was putting that on them so someone else was that other oriented perfectionist and pushing that on that individual to be perfect, and now they have this intense fear of not being perfect or of not getting it exactly right and so it paralyzes them and that's the toxic perfectionism. So being perfect and there are a couple of things that it talks about in here, how you can kind of tell the difference. But that adaptive perfectionism is looking at the success and they enjoy the success. So there's the idea that if they fail, they fail, but when they succeed, that's the joy. Okay, and so it's much more on that positive orientation of I did it, yay me, as opposed to I did it. Phew, I didn't get in trouble. That's really the difference between the two types, or between the positive and negative perfectionism.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, like, and, and we'll let. Let's unpack this a little bit further, but before, if, if this video content or any other videos that we like are helping you out in any way, um, give us a thumbs up. It really does help the channel. It makes it so that you know YouTube likes us. Youtube goes in and says, ooh, these people like it. We want to show these people over here, so you are helping us by getting our information further out there because you're engaging with that, whatever content that we have here. So we appreciate those thumbs up whenever you get a chance.
Speaker 2:It appeases the AI overlords of the algorithm, the. To make sure that other people see us as well the overlord is a perfect we must worship the ai overlords of the machine.
Speaker 1:So internal, uh, or internal struggle of perfectionism. So I've I've got some points that where we can kind of work through in that and I want to kind of play off of some of the stuff. So first and foremost is that you know your internal elements of the toxic elements of perfectionism. So first one would be like self-criticism, okay, so thinking about it like unrealistically high standards of themselves, like you mentioned, in the sense of going like I'm setting a goal and even though it could be high, it could be lofty, it is to prevent failure and if I do fail then I, you know, or I never go about doing something because of the fact that I never, it's not perfect enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's actually so on. Here is a paragraph and we'll link this. But if you just go to Psychology Today, look for the article Perfectionism, you'll find it. But what are the signs that someone is a perfectionist? Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes. They tend to procrastinate a project out of their fear of failure.
Speaker 1:I think for me, you know, like the reason why I I can really identify with this, unfortunately, um that's sad, but, uh, I, I get stuck in something called a learning loop, and so I, I love learning.
Speaker 1:It's one of my favorite things to do, which is just learn whatever. That's why useless phrases and things like that I'm like man. I am armed with so much that there's no reason for me to do anything else but this, you know. But you know, if I have a project, if I have something that I'm working on, I will learn everything about it and never execute because it's not perfect enough, it's not ready enough, there's not enough T's crossed, there's not enough I's dotted, and so, for fear that I may fail at it, and so you know, I have reminders that I try to put in place so that I still like that inspire me to pull the trigger. But that's sometimes my biggest challenge is the fact that I will distract myself with more learning in order to validate the fact that I am trying to be a perfectionist about a project before I execute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, this is a major problem for me as well. So if any of our viewers ever wonder why our channel is called Hot Potato Finance and the only videos we ever put on there are the idiot's guide, uh, I've got huge lists of stuff that I want to go through for, uh, uh, the the hot potato finance channel, talking about a wide range of topics. Uh, but my perfectionism, my, my toxic perfectionism. I am paralyzed with writing the scripts for those, because, even just writing notes because we don't do word for word scripts but just writing the notes for those to do those videos, I have to have it exactly right, and if I can't do it exactly right, I am terrified of doing it. Can't do it exactly right, I just I am terrified of doing it and, and it's just, it paralyzes me from doing any more content that would help people. So fortunately, we do now have a scriptwriter.
Speaker 2:So finding ways to you know, work around this, who then, you know, will be able to write that stuff for me and and that will help us move forward? But it it is, it's a really big thing to you know, just be afraid of not having it perfect.
Speaker 1:But I think it leads into. The next one is that anxiety and burnout is. You know, I, I hold myself to a particular standard that I try to do and I could, you know we're working on stuff, but then you know, like there is a constant stress that I'm struggling with, and, and sometimes with that, it, it, it creates like I don't mean to do it, it, just it, it's just trying to hold myself to that, that particular standard or a deadline, or, you know, I, I, I do the, I do a lot of the outline scripting for this podcast, and so for me to be able to do that, it's a relief. I look forward to having an editor that does the lion's share of this in the future. But right now it is stressful. It is, you know, it's, it's. I've come to you and gone like I'm like pulling my hair out. I've got eight directions. I have to go today, right now, like this was due yesterday and I'm coming down to what time do we release the video on?
Speaker 1:Every single week and I have expectations that I have to do. Well then, it doesn't matter. You know, last, for example, last week, I was in here till, or last week, or the week no, last week, before our episode went out last Friday, I was in here the night before till midnight making sure that that video was ready to go because of all of our technical issues that happened, that were out of my control. But me, the perfectionist says unacceptable. You will stay here, you will neglect your family, you will do all these other things because and you subject yourself to this and burn that midnight oil because that's all that's another term that we could use from the last episode. But but, but you know, like it's, it's all of this, like it, it burns you out, it does, it caused, causes undue stress that there's no reason for and and all, all for what? What reason? Yeah, and I want you to know.
Speaker 2:I'm not imposing these on him, I'm not making him stay here till midnight.
Speaker 1:Nope.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:It is self-inflicted.
Speaker 2:I mean, we're talking about that self-oriented, uh perfectionism and I mean it's. It's one of the things. If it's not out on time, put a little note. Hey, we ran into some technical difficulties. It'll go out on saturday, you know, that's the solution.
Speaker 1:Yeah and so, but we put these on ourselves to I mean, I don't think we have a line of people going like oh my goodness, this didn't show up, like we took a month off and like not a peak. You know, some people do.
Speaker 2:Do uh, talk to me about that, but, um, it's just one of the things where it's we, we push these burdens on ourselves and that causes that anxiety, that causes that burnout, that causes that just overwhelming inside me. There's no word for it. Yeah, that just it. We have to be perfect. Yeah, and there are ways. I mean, one of the reasons why we're talking about this is because there are ways to kind of get away from that, to help resolve some of that, and you can work through that. But you have to realize what it is before you can start working on a solution.
Speaker 1:And I think one of the other things that you run into is, once you get buried in this anxiety and burnout, you're on the edge of things, you're terrified of that failure, you have imposter syndrome. So I have an expectation that's not realistic, that I'm trying to basically get to, and because I don't, I call myself a fraud, and so you know it's, even when I've done something right, I'm made. I've done something right, you know, I've done something correctly, I'm still wrong. Yeah, you know, and I struggle with this, it's, it's, it's something that not necessarily I mean like it definitely resonates with this, but but this unrealistic thought of the fact that, because I did the right thing, in the moment I'm still wrong. Yeah, yeah, you know something's wrong with me, and so I that that's, you know, that's, that's a, that's a peek into the screwed up head that I've got. But, uh, that that I see therapies, therapists, for yeah, you know, but but it's that, it's. That thinking is like, even in a win. You, you, you look at yourself like a loser.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's actually one of the things that it talks about on here. So this is the next sign that someone is a perfectionist they shrug off compliments and forget to celebrate their success, and that's one of the things where you shrug off compliments. No, I'm not worthy of that, because I'm not really good. Yeah, you know I'm bad at this, and that's you know. As many of you know, I'm not really good. Yeah, you know I'm. I'm bad at this, uh, and that's. You know, as many of you know, I'm autistic. That is a common thing in the autism world is imposter syndrome, uh, and so it's something that I am very well familiar with outside of. You know the toxic perfectionism that I run into, uh, but it's. It's a really big issue that a lot of people, by not accepting compliments, by not celebrating the success, it leads to a lot of those problems, and that's one of the signs of perfectionism.
Speaker 1:Being a musician has made that something for me that you know it depends on the scenario. So you know what scenario I was talking about is. I responded to an emergency situation and did everything right, but at the end of it, when everything it didn't work out exactly the way, but because I did everything right, I still looked at myself and said something's wrong, like I revealed something about me that are like a vulnerability and like that's just a distortion. It's a thought distortion. That happened there where, like, being an entertainer, being a musician for so many years, getting those compliments was normal.
Speaker 1:For a number of years I was my own worst critic and also I would reject the people who came and said, oh man, but that was really good. I was like, no, I screwed up here, I did this that you know that perfectionist, look. But I I, you know, over the years I've learned, you know like I, I play it off Sometimes. What I'll rather do is like totally embrace it and just be like, oh, I know, yeah, totally, yeah, you're right, you're right, thank you. You know, like say thanks, but I totally agree, like to the point where, yeah, you bet I'm amazing, but it's honestly a mask for the reality is I'm my own worst critic. I am picking every nook and cranny apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's really important. You know when we're talking about these things. Knowing what these signs are is working to counteract those signs and so, when you've got unrealistically high expectations, take a minute, recognize that they are unrealistically high, are unrealistically high. One thing that I do is we're developing a financial empowerment program that will hopefully be coming out in the next few months, but it's a program I've used for a long time. We're just adapting it for a broader audience. But a few of the steps within that empowerment system is you write down what your goals are, and that's a great way. If you've got these high expectations, write down what you expect of yourself and talk to someone and see if this is an unrealistic expectation. If you are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes, write it down, talk to someone else. Is this, am I being overly critical? Am I seeing too much in this? And they'll say yeah.
Speaker 2:Now that's part of a problem of perfectionism is that they will go to other people to seek validation. But this is a way of helping you to realize that you are doing too much that you can hopefully correct yourself.
Speaker 1:And that financial empowerment is currently in the perfectionism phase, so that's why you don't see it yet. But no, it really is. A beautiful pairing, is something that we also have had in the works for a long time, called NeuroWarriorco. Literally like it's not as specifically going after the goal orientation or anything like that, but more just better health for your head, you know, like it's a. It's a way to to learn some meditative practices and develop some ways to to to think better, to to to have a little better self-control, some more, you know, hopefully pursue some mental stability with that. It's definitely not a replacement, it's not a therapy, but it is some supplemental aid in some ways to help improve your overall well-being.
Speaker 2:So it uses neuroscience. Being so it uses neuroscience the way that the brain functions, the way that the algorithm system within the brain for processing all the information helps you to remodel and remap the existing neural pathways. So when you've got issues, when you've got problems, it's a way of being able to rewrite the neural systems within your brain to be able to overcome a lot of those. Now, a lot of this is still experimental, but it is a great way, when used in conjunction with therapy, with other existing models, to be able to boost your performance moving forward to be able to overcome a lot of those issues.
Speaker 1:So the next one I want to kind of unpack is now the external side. So this is more just going to the relationship aspects of things. And that's, you know, when you pursue perfectionism in a relationship, you're putting, you know, still that internal strain for yourself but having expectations that are unrealistic on somebody else.
Speaker 2:You're the perfect boyfriend, Ted.
Speaker 1:Even in the sense of, you know, possibly even avoiding some of those things. So thinking about it like this is, if I ask somebody to do something and I want them to do something a certain way like go, you know, fill a dishwasher Okay, I asked my, my son, to fill a dishwasher, and then the whole time, while they sit there and fill a dishwasher, I sit there. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't put it there, put it here. No, no, no, no. Like I want to make sure. Like, no, no, no, no, no. That doesn't go. You got to hand wash that one. You can't do that one. Like, no, no, no, no. Like the whole time I'm spending all of my energy trying to, um, trying to basically like, make sure that they do exactly the way that I have visualized in my head. That makes a perfect dishwasher.
Speaker 2:you know, and now there is a difference between this is how it's supposed to be done and micromanaging, right, and so instructing someone on this is how it's done and this is why it's done. And then you leave them to it, so you don't put your forks and spoons in the top rack, you put them in the silverware rack.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And if you are one of those that knife always you know the top of the knife down or the top of the knife up. I've seen both ways, or the forks facing up or the forks facing down. Tell them that I hand wash all of my knives.
Speaker 1:Oh, there you go, except for like butter knives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, butter knives are okay in there. But yes, you should hand wash.
Speaker 1:Just a little bit of soap and water. Nothing abrasive, nothing no no, no little bit of soap, and water, nothing abrasive, nothing, no, no, no I.
Speaker 2:I just use my fingers to actually wash the knife and then you dry it off, so you don't get anyway. Uh, knife snobs, that's a knife snobs um, again, perfectionism, uh, but you have to let them do it themselves. So if they over stack something, overload something, it's a dishwasher It'll still get washed. That's what it's designed to do. Yep, and there are a lot of things like that. You know micromanagers.
Speaker 2:you know your boss at the office is I'm not saying your boss at the office because that's me, although that could be your boss at the office, maybe a micromanager and is telling you this is exactly how I want it done, this is the exact timeframe, this is and telling you, and then they will come in every 10 minutes to make sure that you are following the process. It's not necessarily that they are being a mean person, they are probably just a perfectionist. And this is how it's manifesting. They are fear based. They are afraid that you are going to do it wrong and then they're going to get punished for that, and so this is an important thing to remember that when we do this to others, to not do that, but when someone does it to you, to remember that they are simply terrified about something going wrong, and that's where their perfectionism is manifesting.
Speaker 1:That the first one that we were talking about and this next one is like missed opportunities. You just missed it In the micromanagement aspect of it. If you are overbearing and over the top uh, you know, in in that sort of delegating tasks where you literally just don't trust anybody to do it independently, um, you, you might get passed up for opportunities like promotions and things like that, because you just you have to do everything, you have to be hands-on and you don't allow anybody else to grow, learn, expand and help you. You know, if we have a new editor, that that's, that's helping take care of stuff, and all all I ever do is just have them sit and watch me do everything.
Speaker 1:Then I'm going to burn out, I'm going to have anxiety and you know like I'm going to stress because I've got too much of a workload. I can't work on other projects, it's just crazy and I miss the opportunities because I can't execute. You know I don't have time, it's not perfect enough and I'm waiting for that opportunity and you know that's literally what this one is is, you know, lack of that execution. You know, and I think of, I think of that 's. That's where you know and and I think of, I think of that's. That's where you know, even in the sense of picking a restaurant, you know like oh, I don't know, where you?
Speaker 1:what do you want to eat? I don't, I don't want to eat like, well, I don't like their rice, that they make it. That one is like oh, I got, I don't like this, that food's too greasy over here. I don't know, you know what? I'm not hungry anymore. Sorry, missed that, you know. Window of I'm not starving, so it's fine. I'm not going to eat, you know? And uh, definitely don't have that problem. I don't, you know, I'm working on having that more often I'm like this hunger will go away.
Speaker 1:It's fine, I'm, I'm, I'm all right with it.
Speaker 2:But uh, you know, since we're talking about that little update on, you know, our, our health challenge that we did a while back, I'm down about 30 pounds from where I was when we first started. Oh man, I'm about 15 downs.
Speaker 1:There you go. Um, okay, so perfect perfectionism on social media. I think one of the things a lot of this resonates is unrealistic. Yeah, that's the problem is trying to. You know you, you see this person and you see that this person is perfect skin. You know they have the best hair, they have the most chiseled physique. If they're a dude, their beard is magnificent. And I'm over here going like man. I wish, I wish I.
Speaker 1:I can't. Mine has to be like really, really maintained just to look decent and uh, but. But the idea of it is like I and I wrote this down as perfect lives are just perfect lies because literally, you add the filters, you add all of this, you put up the, you put up the camera, put up the camera, but that's not them. That's not the reality. You know they still go to the bathroom and it smells bad. You know it's like there's nothing you can avoid. You can't avoid it like that's it so, so, like when you're like that. That was a nice way of saying that you know, but it's, it's they amplify.
Speaker 1:Your social media does a really good job of amplifying perfectionism and those, those tendencies that that a perfectionist may struggle with is just validated more in in that kind of environment and it's completely unrealistic, it's completely dishonest and it's harmful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's. There's an old phrase keeping up with the Joneses yeah, it's been around for a long time and it's one of those things where you're just you're trying to keep up with someone else, but you're not them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They're, not you there's. We each have the lives that we have, and trying to keep up with someone else just is completely unhealthy, and that's that's socially prescribed perfectionism.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Trying to just keep up with that social image of what you think everyone is expecting you to be and to a lot of social social media influencers they like to look nice. I mean, we try to make sure all of our lighting looks good and you know I'm not blending into the background because I'm so pale, white, um, but it's a lot of, uh social media influencers will come out and say you know, this is a show, this is. You know, we have cameras, we have lights, we have all this stuff. This isn't something where you're supposed to be, like me, and I think that's a good thing. Not all of them do that, unfortunately, but that idea that we don't have to try to keep up with them, I don't think anybody really tries to do that or communicates that.
Speaker 1:It's just, there's individuals that we idolize, and when we idolize them, they are the standard that we set on ourself. You know, it's not their fault, no, no, but but our, our society is prone to that. It's what we do, naturally, is we? We look for things like oh, you want to improve, like this is the, take these 10 steps to improve your life and you'll be perfect.
Speaker 2:You know you're like nope, they see the success and they falsely create the pattern within their brain that success comes from what this person does, and so they try to mimic that person. They try to put on the same peacock feathers, they try to do the same things, and it's just. It doesn't work for them because we're all different people.
Speaker 1:Well, that's why that like even the social challenges become harmful, like people like you know what is it walking up the crates like the milk crate challenge, where you walk up the ladder and fall off and just sever an arm or something like that and I don't know. You know, bird box challenge, where, when the bird box movie came out, you drive down the street blindfolded to see how that works. You know, I'm like like terrible, terrible things. But you think about, uh, like one of the Jenner girls um, did this thing where, like she had these big plush like botox lips, but she was doing it like supposedly with this like suction cup thing, so it made her lips like huge.
Speaker 1:Well then girls were like, oh, that's the next biggest thing, I'm gonna stick a freaking suction cup on my face and make it so that I just burst a blood vessel and my whole lip is split wide open and you're like, yeah, you know like, have a, have a reason to to. You know to. You know like, have a, have a reason to to. You know to do. You know like, maybe take up boxing instead of.
Speaker 2:You know, you know suction cup, and I think that's an important thing and that's why I really like the social media influencers that actually say you know, I do this for fun. I do this, you know, as a job. You don't need to be trying to copy me.
Speaker 2:I love those influencers because generally they're aware when they do something new that someone's maybe going to try to copy them and so they put some kind of a warning or some kind of disclaimer on there to say okay, guys, this is just for fun, Don't do this. Things like that. Like the Mythbusters I love the Mythbusters. I haven't watched the show in a while, but I've been referencing it for like two episodes, three episodes now.
Speaker 1:I don't know, like at least once an episode for the last 15, I don't know, but they always say we're professionals.
Speaker 2:Don't try this at home. We've got safety procedures in place. That was always really great. We don't necessarily have that in a lot of social media, and I mean even when we're talking about you know, image or anything like that. That's one of those things where it's uh, just not. It's hard to say don't try to be like that, like us, cause you like our look. Now I don't think we're ever going to have that problem. I don't think anyone ever wants to look the dad bod guys, I know I'm perfect.
Speaker 1:But if there's only one of us, only one of me, I would not recommend, you know, molding your body after this.
Speaker 2:We've talked about you need a really big mold, um, but that's one of those things I it's just always being careful as the influencer. It shouldn't have to be that way, but as the influencer, just be careful and as the viewer of that influencer just recognize it's not real.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I guess let's, on that note, talk about some healthier perspectives, ways to look at this. So I think one of the one of the ones that really stands out to me is the idea of good enough. You know, now I like I have a hard time with this one because I teach my kids a thought process and I, like you know the word mostly. You know like, oh, like I, I, I get I did most of it. Yeah, you know, I got mostly, I got it mostly done. You know, like I mostly mowed the lawn and most I took out most of the trash and I've been like, well, how would you guys like it if I made most of dinner, you know? Or I took you almost to school most of the way? You know, like all of these things, that I'm like you, you need me to go all the way there, get you there, but you like the turnaround is like mostly is, is like having that mentality is in my mind.
Speaker 1:I think of it as that's what good enough means. Good enough is like, well, all right, I'm good enough. You know I've mostly, you know, achieved things. That's, that's good enough and, honestly, like that's a terrible way of looking at it. It's not what what it is. That's just me being honest with the way that my brain translates it. But good enough is that idea of going like look, you are good the way you are. You are perfect the way you are. There's nothing that you need to try to modify because I have to lose an extra. You know, whatever amount of weight I have to do this. Many you know exercises. I have to wear this kind of makeup in order to have the appeal to the world. I have to wear this kind of makeup in order to have the appeal to the world. I have to have this kind of haircut in order to do this. None of that matters. It's a standard set by an unrealistic world that you know. It's more about the idea of going like what is realistic? What's a realistic?
Speaker 2:goal in your life and, honestly, you know, when you're talking about making dinner, you know, you know you, you, your kids, you tell them am I going to mostly make you dinner? Well, honestly, a lot of times it is just mostly making dinner. You know, you'd love to make a three course meal for dinner every night, but realistically it's going to be spaghetti from a box, you know, or it's Mac and cheese, it's true. Yeah, it's, that's mostly dinner.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That and that's good. You've got to embrace that. Good enough is good enough. It doesn't have to be perfect, and I know that's a lot coming from two guys who have spent the entire episode talking about our own toxic perfectionism, but it's an idea of we know where our failings are.
Speaker 1:This pod is perfectly qualified to talk about the kettle.
Speaker 2:Okay, we know ways that we can improve ourselves because we're in the situation, we know what it's like, we see where, when we try to improve, it helps. So, like talking about getting a script writer, I know that I'm just never going. I can't even rewatch these episodes. I cannot watch myself on video, so I never see any of these shows when they're done. I think I've maybe watched one, but it's something I know it's not going to work for me as much as I try, and so I got a screenwriter or a script writer so that we can get these things done. Sometimes it's recognizing that it's just not possible, but recognizing within yourself that good enough is good enough is good enough.
Speaker 1:You know and on that self note is self-compassion Like be nice to yourself, recognize that you're going to make mistakes. The only reason why you can succeed is because you make mistakes, and part of that success is learning what doesn't work. And how do you learn what doesn't work without having a mistake there? So if you're constantly avoiding initiating anything because you don't want to make a mistake or you don't want to fail and you won't succeed, so it's recognizing and having compassion for for yourself, not criticizing so much because of the fact that you're learning, it's that that is essential.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and one recommendation from the perfectionism article is use compassionate self-talk and challenge negative self judgments. Yeah, so talk to your, say nice things about yourself.
Speaker 1:I am a winner.
Speaker 2:Compassion? No, I'm not.
Speaker 1:I lost Compassionate self talk Um you know that was the last episode about this episode. Yeah, there, there, there's an adage here.
Speaker 2:Uh, and I don't know how true this is, but they ask which is the happiest person with the Olympics going on. In a gold, silver or bronze group, who's the happiest and who's the least happy? Most people would say that the happiest is gold and the least happy is bronze, and again, I don't have the results of this. This may be apocryphal, but the results go that the happiest is actually the bronze medalist and the least happy is the silver medalist, and the reason for that is because the bronze is happiest, because they actually medaled. Yeah, they medaled.
Speaker 2:That's what I was thinking, for that is because the bronze is happy is because they actually meddled. Yeah, they meddled, that's what I was thinking. They actually made it. They didn't make first, they didn't make gold, but they made it to the stand and that's that compassionate self-talk, recognizing I may have not made first, but I made it.
Speaker 1:I was in a jujitsu tournament and there was two of us in my field, so it was just this guy against me and I had the technical knowledge about what was going on. I knew what was happening, but I made mistakes because I got frustrated. So I'm perfectionism in my head going. I did this, I did this, I lost the match. Okay, he ended up getting me into a submission because of, you know, this reason or that reason, it's, it's the details, don't matter it it I felt it was unfair, but but by the time I was done, I thought it was even dumber that I got silver because I I was the only other person there. You know, I'm like that's literally I'm the first loser, like that's, I'm the only loser in in this, in this bout, because there's no one else in our bracket. So you know that that's so terrible that I had one fight and that was it Game over.
Speaker 2:Oh no, we suck again To challenge those negative self judgments and to have compassionate self-talk. Talking to yourself is good, talking to the voices in your head Not good. Talk to yourself Good.
Speaker 1:Good, look at a mirror. That way it's not in your head. Talk about, let's talk about this like setting boundaries.
Speaker 1:I think setting boundaries is an important aspect of this. You know, in thinking like when, knowing when to stop, knowing when to like ask for help, knowing when to go like hey Joe, I can't do all of this. I need more people in order to to accomplish what we want to accomplish. So, like, I think it's just it's thinking that, so, getting into that perfectionist rabbit hole you're funneling down, know when to ask for help and know that it's okay, it's okay to communicate that and really honestly, go, look, I think I can handle it to this point and make sure that at that boundary is when you're doing that and not being scared or ashamed of it, because people are going to respect the fact that at that point you're like all right, I have met my capacity, I need to figure, I need to figure this out.
Speaker 1:It's, it's, it's really, really important. And I think that that also goes in the fact of, once you get to that boundary, you delegate, you collaborate, when you're asking for help, it's going, hey, like, can you take care of this, can you take care of this? You know, even to the point of like recording this episode. Today I have delegated the tasks of two other functions in the room that that I, you know, I helped set up, obviously, but the goal of it is so that when I come in it's already ready to go. That's what I want it to get to. So it's delegating to that, so that I don't have to do it.
Speaker 2:And so this is where you can help us. By joining our Patreon, you help us to be able to hire more people, and that allows us to reduce our perfectionism problems. So see, you're helping us through joining Patreon, yep.
Speaker 1:Because right now I'm really stressed and I stress, eat, so I continue to have more weight gain. Or you know, I struggle with the weight stuff and you know so. I'll have less stress if I have more people being able to take care of that, and then I'll be able to go and work out on some of my more free time instead of doing editing and writing, and you know is this this other oriented perfectionism, or are we putting an unrealistic expectation on our viewers to support our entire lifestyles?
Speaker 1:Yep, hey guys. So, really honestly, the. I think the, the, the. The point of this is that you know other oriented perfection, I. I struggle with that because I I'm always like, okay, well, you got to do this and then they don't, you got to do this Like you're. You're right, there's a fine line or a balance between teaching and educating and controlling and and perfection, perfectionism, but, um, but the idea I think here is don't, don't focus on things that are unrealistic, don't set goals that are unrealistic, that you know you're prone to and setting yourself up for that failure. You know, I think it's good to have that perspective of like, I'm trying to think of somebody that's oriented in that way that they're not self, you know, they're not failure focused, but they're success oriented, or what.
Speaker 1:What did you call that? Yeah, um, yeah, so adaptive, adaptive, yeah, so I, I can't think, but I think of, like, really, really successful people. Okay, like Elon Musk. Okay, guarantee, he's a perfectionist, but but in, in a way, the how he has functioned. I know that he has the other side of this, but there are elements, key elements, to that that he has adaptive perfectionism, and some of those traits are his example at. His existence is part of that. It's a good thing. I would say that his SpaceX crashes are kind of examples of that you know it's a.
Speaker 2:It's a good thing. I would say that you know his SpaceX crashes are kind of examples of that. He's okay with those.
Speaker 1:Hey, they're calling SpaceX to go save some astronauts in space right now.
Speaker 2:NASA's like, please, if they can get one of those rockets off the ground.
Speaker 1:So it's. It's let's not pursue perfection, let's not try to, you know, let's not try to overly push ourselves, but I, I think you know it's it's recognizing that that that, ultimately, that perfection that we try to pursue is an illusion. It's, it's not the truth, and you know that that what you do is great, it's not just good enough, it's fantastic. And be willing to accept yourself and give yourself a little bit of grace when it comes to trying to do these things, when you make mistakes.
Speaker 2:I think it's just really, really important to give yourself more credit than that, and if you are struggling with perfectionism, to where it's becoming this toxic you know it's it's inhibiting you from being able to function, find a good therapist Uh, there are a lot of great therapists out there and find someone that can help you, that can talk all this, all through all this, with you and be able to help you to move forward and find that adaptive perfectionism, uh, and find ways to be able to improve your life. That's what therapists are there for.
Speaker 1:What I want to do is encourage you, guys, you know, reflect on some things that may be in your own life, Some of the things that we've talked about. Does it apply? Do you find that you have some perfectionist tendencies? Do you find that you, you know that these, some of these things resonate with you, know, areas of your life that you, you know, maybe feel stuck in, maybe feel like you're just stressed about or that you're getting to a point where you're just tired and you know, and you're kind of getting to the end of that, where you've met that boundary and maybe asking for help. Consider those things and, you know, hopefully apply some of those tips that we shared through this. And, you know, we'd like to hear from you as well, Like, if this, if this episode has resonated with you, we'd like to hear some of those stories from it.
Speaker 1:You know, whether that's, you know, going to our NeuroWarriorco and sending us a message through there or through. Uh, like you can, you can send a comment on our on the the idiot's guide right here. Um, I don't know if you can message on YouTube.
Speaker 2:I don't think you can uh, you can't message directly, but you can, uh, just comment on the episode. Uh, there are ways of contacting us.
Speaker 1:Um, and I'll leave an email link in the, the show notes, basically, so you know you can, you can have an email there that if you, if you feel like that's that's a way that you'd like to share some of that story, we'd like to hear from it and and hear you know how how some of these things maybe you've you've gotten from this, or maybe you've you've gotten from this or maybe you've overcome in your story, um, but that also helps us to really, um, you know, get, get this and and see some, see some of this stuff of our viewers and see some of the things that we work on and that we create here, as you know, as on, our channel is bringing value to you guys and our subscribers, our viewers and those that hit our like button. So, um, any final parting words?
Speaker 2:Not really. Just again, everyone goes through this. Uh, everyone, I think, has a level of that toxic perfectionism and just recognizing that is the biggest important thing. I mean, we shared some of these ways of recognizing it in yourself and in others and just be healthy about it.
Speaker 1:Well, we've reached the end of our show today. Thank you for listening, Thank you for watching. Life's too short, so keep laughing, keep learning and remember idiots have way more fun. I appreciate it.