The Idiots Guide
Sometimes it's about "ADULTING" enough for the day, and other times it's about Keeping a job, Feeding the family, Educating the kids, and Buying the stuff.
Most of us were taught how to read, write, and math good.
But never taught how to file taxes, change a tire, or cook a meal.
How in the world have we survived?
Well, have no fear, the Idiots are here to guide you.
We don't know much more about all the stuff but we might be just a little further down the road than you.
Make no mistake, most of our advice is more like don't try this at home.
Hope it helps!
The Idiots Guide
Strength in The Small Stuff: How to Help Someone Struggling with Depression Ep56 TIG
Can the smallest gestures from friends and family truly save a life? Join Adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and Joe Haslam on The Idiot's Guide as we unravel the subtle signs of depression that often hide in plain sight. This episode is a heartfelt invitation to learn how everyday interactions can have a profound impact on someone’s mental health journey, even before professional help steps in. We promise you'll gain practical insights on identifying potential indicators of depression and offering the kind of meaningful support that could make all the difference.
Together, we explore the delicate nature of human connections and how disruptions in our social mechanisms can lead to serious mental health issues, including depression. By drawing comparisons with animal behaviors, Adam and Joe highlight the significance of recognizing changes in behavior such as persistent sadness and withdrawal from activities. We'll differentiate between natural introversion and depression, emphasizing the critical role friends and family play in identifying and addressing these signs. Expect candid discussions on empathy and the power of consistent, genuine support.
Additionally, we’ll dive into a wealth of mental health resources that can support both those experiencing depression and their supporters. From practical tools like Psychology Today’s therapist directory and the mindfulness app Declutter The Mind, to the importance of community support and self-care for caregivers, this episode is a comprehensive guide to holistic mental health care. Adam and Joe share personal stories and underscore the transformative impact of community support, reminding us all that facing depression should never be a solitary battle.
Today on the Idiot's Guide, we are talking about a topic that's really important but often gets swept under the rug Depression. Now, before you run off thinking, man, this is too heavy, I'm out, hold your horses, I promise I'll keep it light. We can talk about mental health and still keep it real, without the tissues involved, hopefully. Depression is something a lot of people struggle with, and the tricky part is it doesn't always show up on a big neon sign. Rather, it's usually hiding in plain sight. So we want to talk about how you can spot it If someone you care about is dealing with it or going through something, how you can help and, of course, remind you that none of us have to go through this alone. I'm your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Invit's Guide. So I think one of the things that I want to start out with is just kind of bring up and bring attention or awareness of depression. I don't really necessarily think we need to define depression, because really it's about recognizing what it is, not necessarily that you know like this is the clinical definition of what depression looks like. You're like I don't. I don't know how helpful that actually would be, but I think understanding some of the signs, some of the some of the symptoms, is a better way to be an individual. You're not a doctor, you're not prescribing anything, you're not trying to do any kind of therapy. You are trying to be helpful to yourself or someone else, and I think that that's more about what we're talking about today is that awareness of what goes on, because this is something that's very unnoticed, very subtle behavior, things that oftentimes get overlooked because they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're chalked up to something else. They're chalked up to just I got stuck in traffic and I'm really sad about it, you know those sorts of things, and so it just kind of gets disqualified in in our everyday stressful lives that are already stressful enough, um but. But I think that depression has some big key flags, big indicators that, if you're tuned to it, can be really easily recognized. Would you agree? Yeah, I think a couple of the big things we're not therapists, we're just regular guys, idiots I'm surrounded by idiots. That's the important part is when you need help and you need someone to medication, therapy, all those kinds of things that help you with depression. That's where the doctors come in the doctors and therapists? Yeah, but every day you see your doctor. Maybe once a month you see your therapist maybe once or twice a week. If you're lucky it's the every day that you're dealing with depression, that you don't have those support networks. And a lot of things we're going to be talking about today are how either you as an individual who are around someone who has depression, and how you can help them every single day of their life yeah, when when they're not, you know that one hour once or twice a week with a therapist that they need that support. And it's those kinds of things where you know and even just noticing it, recognizing it in someone that you're around Because, again, doctors are really good at this, noticing these kinds of things.
Speaker 1:They have the questionnaires and those kinds of but people can lie on those questionnaires. You know every, but people can lie on those questionnaires. Every doctor appointment you go to, now they have the depression questionnaire, the smiley faces, yes, how do you feel based on these 10 different facial expressions and you're like I didn't know there was 10. Yeah, and so you've got all the questions, but that doctor's not going to see you. It's a one-time thing. They're not going to see you every single day to recognize the issues Right and different parts of the day even Exactly.
Speaker 1:And so, whether you're the one going through depression or you're around someone who deals with it or may be dealing with it, these are the important things, that just recognizing what are the signs, what are the symptoms, what can you do about it. That's really important because you don't have necessarily that access all the time. Now it's getting better, more and more emphasis is being placed on mental health. Well, and I think also there's a lot of resources out there for individuals and we'll talk a little bit more about it in detail this later but just resources that are more at more accessible, you know, instead of just this long line to get to a therapist, you know, or you know a facility. Like the facilities, unfortunately they're still an issue. I don't know how to fix that problem other than just buy a stadium we talked about during our MILF series man of the Fireworks, about mental health issues with veterans and how difficult it can be to get the resources, and so it is really an important thing to talk about how, as the everyday person, how you as an everyday idiot in this world, can help those around you recognize those things and be able to help it.
Speaker 1:I was reading some stats earlier today to get ready for this. I was reading some stats earlier today to get ready for this, and the rate of diagnosis, depending on what article you read, is anywhere from 8% upwards to 20% of Americans have been or are diagnosed with depression. I feel like that statistic is more is really conservative, I agree. So the lower numbers were a little bit older data and more from medical perspectives. So reporting from medical and those who are adults that have it. The 20% was from a gallop poll, uh, just recently, I think, last year, um, but they only surveyed, I think, 6 000 people. So it's, it's a poll, so it's not you know 100, but they do a good job of you know indicating and it's who has or may have been. I mean that's 1200 people, so people, so that's uh, out of that you're talking, two out of 10 having maybe, maybe the qualifier is clinical. So you know I, because I think that in our society, especially right now, it's really easy for us to uh to, to really go like man.
Speaker 1:I struggle with depression, but I think there is a distinction that needs to be made where a lot of times the depression comes because of a deficiency in the way we process our development of serotonin, dopamine, those sorts of our normal brain function that everybody has, where you can plateau, you can hit those highs and lows, or emotional stability, and how to stabilize that. When you have depression, oftentimes something is not producing the right way. Yeah, and there's clinical depression I think it's called persistent depression where it is a long-term diagnosis, and then there's episodic and that's say you lose a family member or a miscarriage or other things like that where it's not a persistent depression where it's going to last the rest of your life, it's episodic, where in that, because of that scenario, you are now in that depressive state. I have depression and it's true you're like I've had some pretty episodic experiences that I'm like, yeah, like I felt pretty terrible in those moments, you. But it's the coming back out of those things that some people they struggle with that. I don't want to say to whatever degree, but that's usually the indicator that would clinically identify those things.
Speaker 1:And all of it's important because we, I mean we are sensitive creatures, yeah, you know. I mean you look at the, the human species, and we are very social creatures, yeah, and when anything affects that social mechanism, it leads to very serious issues. And we're not the only ones there. I can't remember the fish species, but they are famous for this. I think it's a gourami, but what happens? They are a group or a schooling fish and a lot of hobbyists will keep them in takes and things like that. But if one of their group dies, all of the fish in that school actually show symptoms of depression. They eat less, they swim slower, all of these signs, because they actually have that same kind of mechanism that we do. I know they're mammals, but whales and dolphins reflect that as well, yeah, so, yeah, I mean there are a lot of animals that show the same things that we do and we cannot take this lightly.
Speaker 1:I think too often we take depression a little too lightly. Yeah, oh, you're not really depressed, you're just sad, just rub some dirt on it and get over yourself, right, you know? And that is just such the wrong thing to do, yeah, cause it makes it worse. So what are some things I guess to to really kind of keep this in a light hearted tone? Identifying depressive behaviors. Let's say, you know what are common signs of depression, and I think you know we have a couple of different things that we're going to pinpoint.
Speaker 1:This is not a definitive list. This is not something that's like man, these are it. Anything else is disqualified from this Like, no like, but. But one of the first ones, I think, is a really big, big, big, loud indicator is persistent sadness, or like a low mood, just kind of like not really motivated. Um, to you know, like, I would almost say like pessimistic, but in a way that you're like defeated in it. Yeah, you know, and these are uncharacteristics.
Speaker 1:So if you knew someone who you know, their whole life they've been a pessimistic person. They're like a motivational speaker, and then all of a sudden they're like eh Right, exactly If they are usually upbeat, and then all of a sudden they're like, eh, right, exactly If they are usually upbeat, and then all of a sudden they're not. That's when it comes in Someone who's a pessimist their whole life and suddenly they're pessimistic. It's probably just them being them, right? These are changes in attitude, changes in the way they view the world. It could be that someone who's constantly pessimistic and all of a sudden they are bright and bubbly. That's a change that you need to actually watch for, right? It's these changes in behavior. That's really important.
Speaker 1:And, yeah, that persistent sadness, low mood, just constantly, you know just that's what it is. It's just I mean, if you could look at someone and say and describe their mood as that's a good indicator how you feeling. It's like when somebody's like meh, you know, like I'm almost meh, whatever, you know. I think the other one is social activities or like hobbies. If you are really really interested, like I play guitar, and then all of a sudden, like you know, I just I'm not interested in playing, I just don't want to do it. I just want to knock, like do I want to go hang out with friends? No, I don't want to, I just want to kind of hang out in bed, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:You're like, okay, something's wrong, something's up, you know, and you know what you said, like a situational depression, basically, I would say is, you know, activated in those moments. But you know, I've been playing guitar for so long that, even like it would, something is definitely wrong. If I don't want to play guitar, you know, like huge, yeah, and that's the thing. That's something that as doctors or even as therapists, you may not see that level, but as someone who is involved in someone else's life, you're more likely to catch that. Yeah, and that's the important thing. If you're more likely to catch that, then watch for that and then you can share that information, share with the person. Hey, I think maybe you feel a little, you might be a little depressed, and open that subject with them and make sure they're aware of it. And if not, there are a lot of resources where you can alert doctors or therapists about these kinds of issues if you're afraid for someone's life or someone's well-being. But just being involved with someone's life helps you to see a lot of those issues.
Speaker 1:And it's not just that everyone who doesn't want to be social is depressed. I'm not a social person, right, I don't like the social aspect of things. I'm not going to go to concerts or I'm not going to actively go out and hang out with people, not because I'm depressed, it's just because I don't like those kinds of activities. Well, maybe I mean I don't know how this would actually change your transition in this way, but most indicators I don't think are going to run towards crowds ever in that scenario. So even if you're an introvert and the crowds aren't normally that change for you to be like, yes, let's go to a concert. You know you're like I don't think that that's like a big depression indicator. You know there's maybe something else, maybe another something. Yeah, you know, but but definitely not this.
Speaker 1:This is typically like excusing yourself from you know societal behaviors, like excusing yourself from you know societal behaviors. So so yeah, avoiding any of your hobbies, avoiding any kinds of activities that you normally do, like work, trying to avoid work as much as possible, leaving right at a certain time, not engaging with coworkers it's those kinds of things that generally show signs that there's, there might be something wrong there. So the other thing is like sleep, appetite, energy levels. Those are all different indicators.
Speaker 1:One of the things, my I don't want to go too much in detail let's say I know someone, let's say that, but I know someone that was dealing with some depression and had to go on an appetite stimulant because they were starving their feelings, essentially starving those emotions away, and they dropped a whole bunch of weight, lost it all because they're just not eating. So you know, in that they now you know they have to take a pill that basically motivates them to be hungry and they're like ravenously hungry. So I'm like okay, like that's pill motivated. I've seen the difference when they don't take that pill, to see that, you know, it also makes them, you know, just revert right back to that need for that appetite stimulant. So it's not always the case, but that's a good indicator.
Speaker 1:Sleep is another thing where I don't, you know, like if I, you know I struggle with sleep issues and stuff like that, and they're like I stay up too late, get up too early and can't sleep at night, so it's like it's just all terrible, yeah, and that can be sleeping too much or sleeping too little, right, yeah, you can have, if you're sleeping a ton, that's a sign of depression. But if you're not sleeping at all, that's not a sign of depression, right, that could be a sign of depression, absolutely. And also the fact that you have, you have a loss of energy levels, in that you know, like, like you sleep too much but you still have loss of energy levels, like that means you're sleeping terribly. So you know, all of that's big indicators of just it's, it's the care, whatever, yeah, whatever, I'm not going to do that, you know.
Speaker 1:Like, or concentrating, I was working on. What was I working on? Like, where did I put my? I'm holding my phone in my hand and I can't find my phone. You know, like um, just forgetting, kind of space, casey you're. You're you have this distance in your mind where you're just kind of often some sort of kind of seeming like you're stuck in thought, and that might not even be the case, you're just not focused on something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the reason a lot of these come in is because the brain is functioning differently with in a depressive state than they are normally. And so that's where, when you're looking at all these indicators, it's the change and the brain is no longer working the same way it was before, and so understanding and seeing that, knowing that person, what they were before, knowing what they are now, is really important. That's why it's the everyday person that's going to be able to notice these things first. That's why it's so important that you have friend groups. That you have these social groups, I guess, is the only way to say it. Yeah, support structures, even if it's a co-worker environment, exactly that sometimes is going to be your first indicator, because they see you so often. Yeah, so they're going to recognize some of these things probably the fastest of who you're around, unless you have a real tight friend group that you're always with and as you get older, that doesn't exist. It was way more than that, so it was way more.
Speaker 1:But you know, I, I think one of the things that that that's a big thing about you know depressive behaviors is it's chalked up often as just stress, like, ah, you're just stressed, like just you need a day to relax, and you do this. And I think one of the things to really kind of pay attention to is does it cycle back out? To is does it cycle back out, do you pull out of that? Because if you are, then then you, you may have like a situational depression, but you're you're able to level back off again, and that's what you're looking for um, is when, when it kind of just seems like you dipped and you haven't come back. You know, and and that's where you know, I, I, I, I have someone that is very, very important to me in my life and I needed to recognize the moment that that happened and go, hey, hey, like we, we need to look into this because something is not right.
Speaker 1:You know, and, and I think you know, like, identifying those you know with, with loved ones, is, is really, really important, you know. So, paying attention to that um, it's the patterns and how they. You know they don't. It's not cycle, it's not a cycle, it's now. You're just in a different, different state of mind, you know.
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Speaker 1:So the second one I think part of this is it's when you have that situation, when you've identified somebody who's struggling with, how do you approach someone showing those signs of depression and that kind of takes a dance a little bit. You can't just confront it, because oftentimes you could aggravate the situation. Yeah, I mean someone that is depressed or going through some serious issues may feel like they're being judged by having someone approach them or talk to them, or they may feel already socially stigmatized by someone talking to them. It makes them feel worse, but neither of those are reasons to not approach it. Yeah, so this is someone. If you've noticed these things, then you are obviously enough in their circle that you care about them and they care about you. Yeah, and that is the most important thing, don't ever feel like, oh, I don't know them well enough or oh, that's not my place, it is your place.
Speaker 1:We as a human species have a responsibility to each other. I think it's important to make the distinction between confrontation and conversation. So if you want to have some sort of intervention with somebody because they're abusing a particular substance, that's one thing, but this is where their brain substance is not firing on all cylinders, essentially. And so you're saying that supportive conversation you said it right, there is. You know, I care about you. You know, and letting them know is having that kind of empathetic language that says you know, like, I've noticed, I've noticed this and I really, you know, I really do care and I want to make sure you're okay.
Speaker 1:You know, those sorts of things go miles in approaching somebody, instead of just going like man, you're just not pulling your weight, you're not. You're like what's up, like what's wrong with you. You know, are you broken? You know, like, and I hope you never do that, I hope no one ever does that because you're just kicking them while they're down yeah, that's very accusatory language. But even simply asking, how are you doing? Yeah, you know you seem a little off today and being like, it's okay to be a little pushy in that, because most people will just be like, meh, you know they're going to shrug that off. Social convention is and I've learned this, you know social convention is someone asks you how are you doing? Oh, I'm fine. Yeah, you know you don't want to hear. The answer is the social convention.
Speaker 1:But realistically, when someone, when you feel like someone doesn't necessarily feel or they're acting normal, push it, do it okay, yeah, and then maybe a little while later you do it okay, you seem a little off, and making it more conversational and less accusatory is, you know, be a part of the conversation and then they'll eventually open up. Yeah, and if you've got that relationship, if you develop the relationship long before they have symptoms of depression, where this is a loved one and you can talk about these kinds of things, it's a lot more easy to actually talk about it. And so if you have that kind of relationship already, then when you start noticing these signs, when you're asking how are you doing, they're a lot more open to talk to you about it. Yeah, a lot more open to talk to you about it. Yeah, and I think you know avoiding judgmental kind of things and you know, I, I, it makes me I think about a scenario, but you know offering quick fixes.
Speaker 1:You know, like, here's what I would do, you know what. So my wife and I, we frequent a bar, okay, and every single time we go to this bar, it is just a place full of toxic behavior and toxic relationship, like that's normal, that's natural Pretty much consistently. I don't know a place that's a bar, that isn't that you know. So it's predictable in that capacity. But you're also able to see the predictable scenarios where you're like you know what I do, I've just poured myself a shot of this and just drown those sorrows away and you're like, wow, you're never going to be a good therapist. Yeah, even things like, oh, you're feeling down, oh, you need to exercise more. Yeah, all you got to do is get out, walk. You know what you can do. It invalidates that person's feelings by saying your whole problem, the reason that you are so depressed, is because you're not walking enough.
Speaker 1:And I think the thing that's the quick fix, immediate advice. You know, like, when you're offering immediate like, you know the, the best recipe to to fix this is not, is not what anybody's looking for right now. They're looking for support and and your if you've identified this, be support. Yeah, you know. It doesn't say like, if you're going to tell them what to do, you're just being critical. It's like telling somebody while they're mowing the lawn, they're doing all the work, they're exhausting themselves, and you're like, yeah, hey, you know that you missed that spot right over there. Like, make sure the lawnmower is like this, just like that, you know, like this, I, you know, yeah, I, I imagine I'm like micromanaging my kids. I do that, but uh, but like I'm in the analogy, it's, it's thinking that like I would go nuts if somebody's sitting there going like you missed this, you missed, you missed that, you didn't do this, you didn't do that, like, I don't need that. Like, get out of here. And even something as simple as saying, hey, I'm here for you. Yeah, you're not saying anything, you're not accusing them of anything, you're not giving a quick fix. All you're doing is you're just saying hey, I'm here for you. You're not saying I'm here for you.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I learned years ago that, uh, I did this in a in, in a lesson that I was teaching people, uh, about, like, when they're dealing with things, dealing with struggles and stuff like that, and you know I had, I had been taught that I needed to be this bulletproof, resilient kind of person and that's that's. That's the farthest thing from the truth is. You know, to be empathetic is not bulletproof. You aren't there to shield people. What you're there to do is just, if you don't say a word and you hand them a tissue and that's it. Until they feel comfortable having a conversation with you or telling you what's going on, then that's great. Be there. Yeah, hand the tissue to them, be like okay, cool, you okay, yeah, yeah, you know that's it, um, and I think that that's. That's a.
Speaker 1:It's a lost element in a lot of people's conversation because we're like, you know what I would do? I'd pour myself just to feel like it. That's the thing, you know, yeah, and you know it's there's not to go into the topic of toxic masculinity, but this is a big deal for men, absolutely An inability or an unwillingness to talk about it because you're not allowed. You have to be the rock. You know you're the strong one you're.
Speaker 1:If you have emotions, you are not man, and it's that idea. Like. No, guys have emotions, guys cry, it's okay. We all have emotions, right, and the abandonment of those emotions or the ignoring of those emotions leads to worsening depression problems, yeah, and so it's important that you are open about it and recognize that. Yeah, you got that, and I can guarantee you any guy out there that wants to challenge us on our masculinity I am a manly man, yes, no, what it? Well, we are manly men, okay, you know. But at the same time, we are both willing to cry. Yeah, I mean, I've, I've had like, I'm definitely not gonna like tear up on a like a rom-com, but uh, you know, but rom-com, but maybe if it's something good, you know what really messes me up, honestly.
Speaker 1:When I see really cool things that kids do, like epic, just pure talent, and they don't have to be polished, it doesn't have to be neat, it's just something that's so creative out of a little kid, I'm just like, oh, I'm done, you know, it's so cool. To me it's inspiring to see that that's the like, that's the thing that that I really enjoy and like I get all freaking choked up about. But uh, yeah, being masculine doesn't mean you avoid the topics of depression or you avoid your emotions or anything like that. Being a man, being a real man, is recognizing those things Right and being willing to talk about it, because that's the hard part, yeah, that's real humanity.
Speaker 1:Not to mention the fact that our society, you society with that kind of stigma against oppression, makes it even more harmful and potentially life-threatening. Essentially, in our culture and our society you talk about toxic masculinity and the idea that it's wrong for you to not be the manly man you know, you're like no, that's not true. I can be a manly man and I still have emotions, you know. And that's an important aspect, because if I want to communicate with my loved ones, I don't want to do it like I'm wrestling a bear, you know I can, you know, wrestling a bear, you know I can, you know I. But, but, but I don't.
Speaker 1:That's not a necessary application in pretty much any setting out there, you know. So it's better to have that empathetic kind of thing and, and I think the recognition to anybody struggling with, um, you know, depression, or we identify somebody who we love or we care about, that is dealing with depression, is acknowledging they are not alone and you are not alone. So it's, it's both, both and in that sense, but, but most importantly, through the entire process, um, be patient with the process. If somebody, you say, hey, I've noticed this, but you know they, they, they might be rejecting, uh, at the very beginning of that, and and you're just trying to come with some compassion and some empathy and saying, like man, I really care about you, they may not open up, they may not be ready to have that conversation or even acknowledge that that's what's happening. It doesn't mean run away, uh, or even back off. It just means that, like for a minute, you know, continue to, to just stand there. You're not again. You're not offering a quick fix, you're not immediately offering advice. You're just being present so that they know that they aren't dealing with us alone. Yeah, that's it. Speaking of not alone, man, like we've got something that makes you part of our family right away.
Speaker 1:Actually, patreoncom slash it's forward. Slash T-I-G, underscore H-P-S. I know that was really long, don't worry, it'll be across the bottom of the screen when we talk about this. But we have a Patreon account and there's lots of different options about how you can subscribe and what tier you can subscribe to and sign up on our Patreon. Each one of those comes with little perks. You can just be a spud or you can be a mashed tater. I can't remember what's the commentator. There's a commentator, there's the spectator. I'm going to clarify this what it has to do.
Speaker 1:The HPF stands for Hot Potato Finance. That's our channel. Obviously, if you follow us on YouTube, you'd know that, but if you listen to the podcast anywhere else, you probably don't know that. Hot Potato Finance is our theme. So potatoes are our game and that's what we like to do, so everything's kind of potato-themed.
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Speaker 1:Um, last thing I want to do is talk about, you know, offering support. So now that we've identified, now we've kind of confronted this situation here, um, I guess confronted isn't the supportive conversation acknowledged. Um, how do we help somebody? How do we offer good help, ways to help somebody who is depressed? So I think the first one is encourage them to find support. So whether that's a group conversation sort of thing, whether that is therapists of some capacity, whether that's treatment in certain places, it really depends on the level. You are not the person to determine that, but pointing them in the direction of maybe that, or even helping them find somebody that can be that for them, is something you absolutely can do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there are some really great resources that you can go to. So there's a great website called Psychology Today that you can go to. So there's a great website called Psychology Today. So it is basically the Amazon of therapists. I don't know how else to explain it, but therapists go on there. They put their profiles. Is this the same day shipping? No, so maybe it's not the Amazon.
Speaker 1:Therapists will go on. They will put their profile picture, they will put their profile picture. They will put their profile. I'm a Psychology Today Prime member actually. Wow, this is going off the rails quick. They'll put what insurances they take, what their fees are, all those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:So if you're looking for a therapist, you can go on Psychology Today. They are not a sponsor, they are just someone that I have used when trying to find therapists and it'll show what topics they cover, what age ranges they'll work with, and you can filter all that for your region, how far from your zip code, all those kinds of things to find a therapist in your area that works for you. Uh, additionally, you know, forward to a primary care provider. Yeah, um, doctors are great to be able to provide this kind of help and support as well, as they have a lot of resources to be able to then share with the individual to others. Um, if you uh are up to any of those, there are other resources. So BetterHelp is another one. They are not a sponsor.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of controversy around BetterHelp as to their business practices, things like that. I've done some research into them. I'm not going to say that they're necessarily the best or the worst, but, honestly, any port in a storm they're necessarily the best or the worst. But honestly, any port in a storm If better helps someone, then great, absolutely. If it means they have access to a therapist because they're going through something, I'm all for it.
Speaker 1:Well, and then also, like, just simply, you know mindfulness things. You know like different things for mindfulness. There's one that I use, uh, uh, I I use. It's an app called declutter the mind and it's really basic. There's nothing fancy about it. It's literally just a silent, uh, white noise, filtered sound, but then somebody come in and kind of briefly coach you through a list of all sorts of issues that you're dealing with. I'm dealing with a panic attack, Like it will. It doesn't have, like airy, you know, solarium kind of sounds, no, eucalyptus smells, it is just straight up like no noise. And then somebody comes in softly and says all right, what I want you to do is do this. All right, what I want you to do, and the whole goal behind that is to level you back off again. So maybe maybe it's not a clinical level that might require that, but, um, these are different options that are there to kind of help just overall your wellbeing mentally. Um, is is the goal with that and but, but encouraging people to be able to do that is is an important part of that. The other thing is maybe just offering to help some some things. Maybe you know their sink is full of dishes and you want to help do some dishes for them. Or, you know, just reduce a little bit of that potential stress of like, oh man, my house is a mess. You know, like I think we talked about in an episode a while back where we talked about maybe starting a cleaning service. That was, like, you know, as a therapy if you're having somebody who's dealing with this sort of thing, there's a service that comes in and does an entire house cleaning like I wish that that was something you could bill to an insurance policy. That would be genius. Honestly, I don't know what the difference between that and medical care in general is. It makes a huge difference.
Speaker 1:I'm going to share a quick story. I know we're kind of long on the episode today, but years ago I was a church missionary and I was in an area and walking through I think it was like a park or something and met a lady there and she was suffering from very major depression and it. You know, when she started having the episodes it, one of the first things that happened was she stopped cleaning and then, when she stopped cleaning, the house became more cluttered and that caused more depression, because now it was an insurmountable task and that caused her to clean even less and even less and even less, and it had been uh, I don't, I'm not sure even how long, but probably about three to six months of this absolutely no cleaning, and it was to the point where now her landlord was kicking her out if she didn't clean it up. It was that bad, and so I rallied some other church missionaries in the area and there were about there were about 10 or 12 of us and for 2 or 3 days straight we cleaned out this unit and I think it was like a 3 bedroom apartment condo thing and it was so bad. It was so, so, so bad. But it's because of the depression, yeah, but cleaning all that clutter out she kept her house and she started to feel so much better and it was a huge improvement on her.
Speaker 1:I I moved, uh, shortly after that, so I didn't get to see how things progressed from there, but even something as simple as that cleaning the house makes a huge difference on someone who feels this insurmountable ability to get back on top, and just simple tasks making a meal, just whatever it is make their life a little bit easier. Yeah, totally, and I think you know one of the last things about that would be, again, none of this is definitive. This isn't like the only options that you can do. These are just good suggestions, but being consistent with it. So if, let's say, you recognize that somebody needs that extra, you know, like taking care of a couple of things, encouragement for, for for a moment, um, whether that's momentary or whether that's long-term care for for something, I think it's important to be consistent with it.
Speaker 1:And that means, like you know, hey, like a couple times a week I'm going to be, you know, this day and this day I want to make sure that I actually intentionally check in with somebody, um, but, but not be overbearing where you're, like you didn't call me back, or you didn't do this or you didn't do that. Like you know, I sent you a text message and I didn't hear here reply, so I called the paramedics and they'll be there in 10 minutes. You know, like that's panic attack, you know, central, but, but but the reality is is like I, I, I had a friend that if I didn't do that, um, you know, I, I wouldn't know where, where they were. And it got to a point where I had, you know, we were dealing with some certain things with him. That, uh, that that we, I, I, I still actually I don't think I do anymore but like maps, google maps, like we shared locations so that I knew when I was checking in, like it was a conversation I had with him before that I was like, hey, bro, like are you okay with me? Like just having this access so I know where you're at, because randomly he would drive to, you know out of state. You know like, just all of a sudden take off and we're like you can't do that. You know that's not a good thing, yeah, and so I'm not saying that you're that case.
Speaker 1:That was a situation that merited that sort of thing, but, but it was. It was the check-ins, it was the. I was always making sure that I was consistent with him, um, up to a point where there was a moment he was, he was low enough to where it was daily. We were, we were connecting, um, but it was always in the sense of going man, I'm going to turn the pressure on only as much as you want. I'm not going to be something where you're like this is what we're going to do, we're going to keep you to this routine and that's it. You don't have a choice. You know that's that's not, that's not what it is, but but knowing that there's all of these services, there's all sorts of things that you can do that don't cost any money Go over and help them make a meal, whatever it is, be consistent with people and the different communities, online mental health apps, all those sorts of things and I think the important thing is that the person who's doing that there's a tax to that as well. And knowing that you know you're committing to helping somebody and being supportive to somebody else is, you know, don't let that be something that brings you down with them, because commiserating is not a healthy direction uh, with them, because commiserating is not a healthy direction. But but it is something to know that, like there is support, that support also applies to you, that there are support groups and that help that you know I, I think about uh, aa and Al-Anon. You know those are two. You know different kinds of support groups, but our support groups for those specific scenarios, now, I know we're not that's not depression, but it's an aspect of the abuse that that can, you know, lead to depression because of that. So you know those are, those are. There's all sorts of different communities and groups that can be there to help kind of process and verbally process things.
Speaker 1:I always equate it to mountain climbing. So if you are climbing up the side of a mountain and you've got someone below you that you're trying to help bring to the top of the mountain with you, you have to be on solid footing. Yeah, you have to be in a good spot to help them up. You can't push them up the side of the mountain. You have to lift them up the side of that mountain and you have to maintain your footing all along the way, yeah, and so if you slip then catch yourself, make sure you've got good footing, because I mean, climbing is hard, yeah, and so make sure that you've got that good foothold so that you can help the next person up, and so that self-care is really, really important and we're all in this together to get to the top of that mountain. Yeah, you know, being aware of depressive behaviors and supporting others, that's that. That's kind of the first step that we talked about today.
Speaker 1:The other thing is, you know, take action, take action, but but when you take action, do it empathetically, do it uh, do it with, with compassion for an individual, looking and recognizing those signs that you, that you may see in in your loved ones, in, uh, in in like helping in individuals to recognize some of those things in themselves, so that you know they, they can, they can. Then you know, kind of pass that, or you know, pass on information like helpful things go going to see a therapist, you know, maybe maybe joining a support group, you know, allowing their friends to be supportive in that process as they're dealing with particular things. But then the other side of it is knowing that you yourself, you also have that support available, um, and that recovery is absolutely possible with that. So, um, anything else you want to add at the tail end of that, just don't stigmatize it. Yeah, you know everyone goes through this, yep, everyone does. Stigmatize it. Yeah, you know everyone goes through this, yep, everyone does. And just recognize that we all need help. We're all part of the same human family and help support everyone, because when you support someone else, when you go through it, they'll be there to support you. That's what it's all about, is? It's a community of people and we can't stigmatize these ideas of, oh, they're weak because they're depressed. Absolutely not Right, it's. We are all in this together. We have our strengths, we have our weaknesses and we only thrive when we support and build with everyone else. Well, I think that's a wrap. I think so.
Speaker 1:Now, to keep it on a little bit of a lighthearted note, we are adding a new feature to our podcast. Oh yes, all right, you're right. So we are now going to be doing dad jokes, dad jokes, all right. So I've got a new segment segment. When does a cucumber become a pickle? Oh man, I don't know. When it goes through a jarring experience. That joke's a big deal. Yeah, okay, we're going for double dad jokes this week. Alright, guys, we have reached the end of our show. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Life's too short, so keep laughing and learning and remember idiots have way more fun. Check your shoes.