The Idiots Guide
Sometimes it's about "ADULTING" enough for the day, and other times it's about Keeping a job, Feeding the family, Educating the kids, and Buying the stuff.
Most of us were taught how to read, write, and math good.
But never taught how to file taxes, change a tire, or cook a meal.
How in the world have we survived?
Well, have no fear, the Idiots are here to guide you.
We don't know much more about all the stuff but we might be just a little further down the road than you.
Make no mistake, most of our advice is more like don't try this at home.
Hope it helps!
The Idiots Guide
Celebrating Neuro-Spicy: Understanding & Supporting Autism Experiences
Join us for a captivating discussion on autism as we explore the multifaceted experiences of individuals living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). In this episode, we share personal stories and insights into recognizing autism in loved ones, including the journey of my oldest son with ASD. We dive into the importance of understanding social cues, embracing the concept of being "neuro-spicy," and navigating societal norms as an autistic individual. From sensory sensitivities to tailored educational approaches, we aim to foster greater awareness and appreciation for the diverse ways autistic individuals experience the world. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that celebrates the unique capabilities that come with autism!
In the second part of our episode, we delve into the fascinating world of sensory sensitivities and their impact on individuals with autism. Through personal anecdotes, we explore the intense research and fixation that often accompanies special interests like video games. We discuss the meticulous planning involved in gameplay and how sensory sensitivities affect daily life, from clothing preferences to food textures. The overwhelming nature of sensory stimuli in busy environments is also examined, highlighting the need for understanding and accommodation. Discover strategies for managing sensory sensitivities and gain a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by autistic individuals.
Next, we focus on communication and acceptance in the autism community. We challenge the harmful effects of imposter syndrome and explore the power of recognizing and accepting autism as an integral part of an individual's identity. By tailoring communication and tasks to meet the needs of autistic individuals, we foster respectful interaction and prevent overwhelm. Real-life examples illustrate practical ways to support autistic individuals in daily life, from workplace accommodations to online interactions. We also discuss the concept of autism as a superpower, encouraging listeners to appreciate diverse abilities and perspectives. Join us in celebrating the uniqueness of autism and embracing a world where differences are uplifted, not diminished.
So, grab your headphones and tune in to this thought-provoking episode that sheds light on the nuanced experiences of individuals with autism. Prepare to be inspired, educated, and entertained as we explore the different facets of autism and the incredible strengths that come with it. Don't miss out on this eye-opening conversation that will broaden your understanding and appreciation for those living on the autism spectrum.
Today on the Idiot's Guide. Have you ever been at a social gathering and realized halfway through that you completely missed the point of that one joke? Or if you've wondered why your friend can talk for hours about 80s cartoons but struggles with eye contact, well, look no further. Today we're talking about autism, a different but totally fascinating way of experiencing the world.
Speaker 2:What does?
Speaker 1:autism actually look like Spoiler. It's mostly never obvious. How can you support your loved ones and how can you be mindful without being well too mindful? You be mindful without being well too mindful. So, whether you're neurotypical, neurodiverse, or just trying to figure out why your cat looks at you like that, let's talk about autism. I'm your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Invit's Guide.
Speaker 1:I think that kind of getting this started is. I'm gonna like the easiest way for me to explain it is I don't, I don't have autism. Maybe I do, I don't know. There's a chance. But but at the same time I do recognize that my son, my oldest son, he is, he does have ASD, autism spectrum disorder, whatever they call it. I don't know. Like some people just just dropped the D and just said, yes, I was like he has a big never mind, yeah, but it's. It's, you know, like misunderstanding, like social cues at different things, different events. Recognizing some of those things, like the disorganization or the chaos about normal things, I think is really autism is kind of a unique thing to really prescribe. It's unique in the sense that it's not obvious obviously, yeah, obvious, obviously, but it's also something that's like it's almost it's quirky in, like you're weird or you're odd. You're a strange duck and since now now since having my son diagnosed with it I've grown to appreciate it in a different way.
Speaker 2:But you know, like I don't know, there's a term you know, some like it, some don't, but it came from the autism community. We call ourselves neuro-spicy, neuro-spicy. I like that. So it's that spicy idea. It's that, you know, kind of like what you were talking about. It's hard to describe autism.
Speaker 1:It is spicy is a good way of doing it using the word spectrum. Over the years, obviously it's evolved into now just a spectrum. You register on this whether it's extreme or high functioning. On either end of that and my son is high functioning autistic you wouldn't know unless he disclosed that information to you.
Speaker 1:But you know, it's kind of like sitting in a conversation and realizing five minutes in that you've really missed the memo on the unspoken social rule that's going on and everybody else is really just kind of like trying to lay on the unspoken social rule that's going on and you're everybody else is really just kind of like trying to lay on the cues, going like hey, hey, hey, hey, knock it off, knock it off, and you just are oblivious to this and and that's that's kind of how an individual with autism may present in in that kind of a situation. So you know, here in this episode we want to kind of talk about autism awareness and, like I said, it's really hard to define. It's a spectrum. It has everything from really extreme autism where you have very limited motor function and skill.
Speaker 2:Now, when you say that we do have to be clear yeah, because this is a big misunderstanding within the world at large is when we're talking about the autism spectrum and we say that he has a lot of autism or a little bit of autism, uh, or is very autistic or not very autistic, all we're talking about here and this is very important, uh is how much help is needed. They're functioning for normal society, okay. So when we're talking about they are extremely autistic, that is simply saying that they are in need of a lot of extra support, or not very autistic, they don't need a lot of support. That's the spectrum is how much support is needed. Because the reason I say this is because there's a lot of people who think, oh, you're not very autistic and they think that the spectrum means that your traits are either a little autistic or a lot autistic. That is not what it means to be on the spectrum.
Speaker 1:But I think that it's hard because I advocate for my son in school and he has obviously a more specific educational program that is geared towards his, the way that he learns, and it's not like you know. He can't sit through a class or a subject matter, it's the way he processes that makes that that classroom in insanely boring.
Speaker 2:Yeah, less effective yeah, he needs different kinds of support to be able to do that. If someone is autistic, they are autistic. There is no such thing as you're a little bit autistic or a lot right. Yeah, the spectrum that we're talking about is the amount of support that is needed for someone who is autistic. When I watch a lot of videos on autism, support people who are autistic talking about things or contradictions to oh, you're not that autistic those kinds of videos are really really a bore. That seems to be the fundamental misunderstanding about the word spectrum.
Speaker 2:Yeah, is that you're just a little autistic or you're a lot autistic? That is not what the spectrum means. What it means is how much support you need as an autistic person. And so me, being autistic I'm high-functioning autistic I don't need a lot of that support. I am able to function in society fairly well as we go along. I will share some stories of what I've been through as an autistic person and some of the situational problems, but in general, I am able to function. I am high masking, but I am able to function fairly well in society. Other people who are non communicative they don't have verbal capabilities. They aren't able to function as well in normal society. They are more needs based autism. Autism, that's the spectrum. They're still autistic, not? Yes, they are still autistic.
Speaker 2:It is not a matter of how autistic are you, it's how much support you need.
Speaker 1:So let's identify, I think, some key behaviors that you can look for. It doesn't necessarily mean that they have autism or an individual has autism, but they are some things that you can keep an eye on that might be indicators. Probably the first one is social communication challenges. My son going through elementary school age, I used to call him the space invader because he just never got people's cues about getting up in people's space. He was always super friendly, he was kind of kind of touchy-feely, but like you couldn't hug him like it would. It would. He would not like that, but but you know he would. He would just be all excited about somebody and not matching their energy and they're like, would you go away? Like just come on, glued on him and he wouldn't recognize what he did wrong. He wouldn't see that that they were. They were uncomfortable with the space that he was invading. You know and you know the other one would be like eye contact like not making eye contact my other son.
Speaker 1:He's not autistic but he but he hates this. If I have a conversation kind of like we're having right now, but if I turn and I'm looking this way and I side eye converse with him, he gets really uncomfortable. It's just completely weird because he can't maintain the eye contact. And I'm like, all right, maybe you are autistic, just kidding. And I'm like, all right, maybe you are autistic, just kidding, the eye contact is one of my big ones.
Speaker 2:I have a hard time making any eye contact at all. I've gotten better at it but my eye contact. So if you watch these videos, if you go back and watch the videos on YouTube, if you're just listening to it, you will see me a lot of times. I have a hard time even looking at the camera, because that's still looking at someone. But even when I look at you, what I'm looking at is I actually look right here, and so I don't make eye contact with people. And if I do, I find that I make way too much eye contact and so I'll be looking at someone and it's like over intense. And then I start to notice after a while the the look on the other person's face. Uh, suddenly they're looking a little awkward. I'm like, oh crap, I've looked at them for too long now I've got to stop looking at them.
Speaker 1:But I can't stop.
Speaker 2:Look at, the conversation is over and you're still staring, you know, and so I get into this feedback loop of what am I supposed to do? No, and, and that's the autism brain is, it's just. You get into these states of just craziness. The worst thing is when I'm talking to women. Okay, because you know women have a hard time with men not looking them in the eyes. You know that men will look at their chests, and so for me, the hardest thing is because I'm autistic. I get very awkward if I look women in the eyes with anyone, so I look down. Well, now I'm looking down. When I'm talking to a woman, I look like I'm looking at their chest and I'm not. I'm just trying not to make eye contact. So I end up going like this the whole time Trying to make eye contact, no eye contact. Eye contact, no eye contact. No, I'm like trying to make eye contact, no eye contact, eye contact no eye contact.
Speaker 1:No, I'm looking at the chest. No, I can't, I can't do that, and the eye contact is one of those big things for me. I mean, it could be worse, like you could be like the character on south park that throws up every time the girl says hi to him.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so yeah, it's. It's just one of those things eye contact is is a big one for well, generally reading social cues is is.
Speaker 1:It is an art form actually. Honestly, most people are terrible at it, but you know, I think also it kind of develops into, you know, the, the possibility of it you know being I. I guess you get better at reading some of those social cues, you get better at understanding when something is uncomfortable, or staring at their chest, staring at their eyes, staring at their chest.
Speaker 2:And as you go along in life.
Speaker 2:This is why it's a lot easier to recognize these symptoms in kids, because they haven't learned how to mask yet. And so masking is the hiding of your autistic traits in order to look and function normal Normal being society's view of normal. So normal social behavior, acting like this, not making eye contact, that's normal for an autistic person. And so when I say normal, I'm talking about normal social function for society at large. And so you learn how to mask and you learn how to hide these traits, which is in and of itself, a problem for people who are autistic, because it adds to the stress. But so a lot of times, you'll see flashes of these little behaviors when their masking comes down, yeah, and, and you'll see some of these things come out. And so if you're looking at someone, if you're looking for these signs, it's it's hard to find it, because a lot of adults are high masking my, my son has moments that are like that, that he's done really, really well with masking, but it also it's taxing on him for that.
Speaker 1:Like, that's probably the biggest challenge for him is he comes out of that super exhausted because of it.
Speaker 1:But you know, the other thing that you know is for me I can recognize this with my son is this kind of repetitive behaviors or intense focus on specific things, like and it's sometimes it's ridiculous, you know, it's a color of a shirt. It's a color of a shirt. Sometimes I'm not, but like it's like a task that they're trying to do or it's right now my son is like he's trying to basically learn. He's like learning a video game and like, instead of it just being like, oh, I'm just going to play along and play this video, no, he has to master this thing. So it is so focused and it's rock bending, you know, and like I don't know what it is. It's a game that's on a VR headset. So he's downstairs in our house, vr headset on, moving his arms around like this, and he's like catapulting rocks at an opponent and I'm like this is not a skill that has any life application whatsoever and you're trying to master this like.
Speaker 1:This is why yeah, you know but it literally is the fact that it's fixating on particular things and not deviating from that at all costs. You know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one of my big ones. So I follow a channel that just recently started. It's a husband-wife couple that talk a lot about autism issues. This is a great channel, but one they're talking about similar things like this and I actually posted on that I rarely post, but post a comment, but I posted a comment about this and I got a lot that I rarely post, but I posted a comment but I posted a comment about this and I got a lot of people that do this same thing so I thought it was great. So I play Pokemon, so it's a fun way to kind of veg out and escape. But you know the old Pokemon games. What I do is I will spend a month researching the best Pokemon team. So I will go through, find the best stats, find the best combination, look at which is the best way to beat it the most efficient way.
Speaker 2:So instead of having six Pokemon, you do it with four and do all this intense research for like a month before I even pick up and open the game, and then I will play the game and everything about that game is just what I had planned to accomplish that, and so the game itself is secondary to all of the research I did to find the best route for playing the game. And what was really surprising when I posted this is a lot of people commented back that yeah, this is exactly what I do and it's just that intense focus on that subject.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean my son, zelda. He had for a moment, he had to just be able to master going through Zelda and doing that. And I find that like, even for me and I reference video games because I enjoy this, but I do some very similar things Like I won't stop until I have like fully, you know, completed something. Yeah, you know. So right now I'm playing a game that's like just soaking up my brain and it's it's uh, it's ghost recon and it's an open world model. You go through and you complete all of these missions, everything. There's so many options, there's so many directions you can go, that literally you can't run out of missions, and so, being that it's such an open world model, you can play it forever and still still have stuff to do, and so, like I, I'm trying to do it all you know. So I'm like, oh my gosh, there's too much. I go to this area. There's more. Oh my gosh, you know. So it's just it's it's kind of like this, this thing, that if I'm not careful I'll fixate and then I then it will consume my thoughts. It's just one of those things.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I think is probably another big indicator is sensory sensitivities. Oh yeah, textures, foods, the way food is made. My son doesn't like zucchini, because zucchini or mushrooms, sometimes because the texture of how they taste my, my daughter is is showing some indicators, and so right now we're going through some testing to see what's going on, because there's some similarities that we're identifying. We're like, yeah, you're like you and your brother set each other off and I know why you know, but but there's different sounds, different. You know bright lights or different textures of materials and you know how it feels. Definitely, you know all of those things are all, are all elements of, of indicators, indicators of especially. If you just like hard, no, like I, I just won't, you have like, just rejection of this stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for those of you that have uh been listening to the podcast for a long time, I talked well, probably like a year ago, on our podcast about, uh, the the sensory sensitivities that I have. So all of my shirts, I have to buy one specific brand of shirt because I cannot wear any other brand of shirt. I have tried other brands, I have tried multiple different brands of shirts, different styles of shirts. I have to wear this one style of shirt because everything else just sets off my sensory issues. So I have to wear Van Heusen shirts. Okay, not a sponsor, but those are the only shirts that I can wear, because, but if you would like to sponsor us, we are. Ooh, I don't know, maybe we'll do like a link on Amazon to buy Van Heusen shirts. I don't know, but Van Heusen shirts are to buy these Houston shirts. I don't know, but the Houston shirts are the material they're made of, the way that they're made don't set off my sensory issues. My jeans I have to wear a specific brand and style of jeans and it messed me up. So it used to be Lee Dungaree's Relaxed Fit. No, loose Fit, loose Fit. They stopped making them. That sent me on a tailspin for a good year to try to find a new brand and style of jeans that would actually fit. So I have a new one. I can't remember what these are called, but these jeans I'm wearing. I have owned these jeans for three or four years and I bought four pairs of these. I'm down to two, but I have to wear these jeans because anything else, just it sets me off, and so it's those kinds of sensory issues that are very important for people with autism.
Speaker 2:And you know there's another. I'll share another story. I know we're kind of going off on this this first topic here a bit, but there's a lot of things talked about here and other topics as we go along we'll discuss a little bit more. But years ago I was going to an event with someone and we were going downtown and I was driving. Now I don't ever recommend that if you're autistic, that you go downtown to a major event. And this is before I was done, before we knew I was autistic, before any of that.
Speaker 2:But we went down there and trying to find a parking spot, the traffic was really bad, so I was, my sensory issues were already getting up. Lots of lights because it was night, so stoplights and street lights and things like that, lots of sounds, lots of honking horns and all this stuff. We finally get there, finally have a place to park, after I already tried to back out once but decided, okay, we can keep doing this, finally find a place to park. And then we get out and there are just crowds and crowds and crowds of people. And so it's like, okay, I'm already intensely triggered by all these sensory inputs, but we're going to keep going.
Speaker 2:So we go and we stand in line to get into the venue and I am just on a razor's edge right there just because of everything going on and standing in line. So I'm like, okay, I cannot stand in line, I've got to go stand off somewhere else. And so, because I just couldn't be around that many people, so I go, there's a spot where there's no one around, so I go and stand over there. Okay, I'm good over here. Well, there were a lot of people that were scoping tickets or selling tickets, I guess. And so a young kid probably around maybe 17 to 19, comes over and taps me on the shoulder and I lost it at that point, just poked the bubble. Yeah, it did, and I turned, don't touch me and I just it's called an autistic meltdown.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And there's a lot of confusions about what autistic meltdowns are. They are not tantrums. These are the points where the brain no longer processes new information. It is like an extreme form of fight or flight.
Speaker 1:It's interesting to me how, like I think of some scenarios that I personally struggle with, I you know having I have clinical PTSD, so or CPTSD, complex PTSD, that is one of the things is, like I think of the scenario you're talking about really stressful and overwhelming, and I don't know if it's necessarily the same in the way that somebody comes up and taps me. But one of the things that if I'm in a stressful environment or I'm kind of stressed, I'm imbalanced in my stress levels at that moment if my kids come and try and hide behind me so my older boys know not to do this because they've learned because something happens and when that happens and they play tease and they try to stay behind me, I get mad and that's the easiest way for me to say it. I just I'm not nice about it. Like, all of a sudden I'm like don't you dare? Like blah, blah, and it's not, they're not threatening, they're just playing.
Speaker 1:But I have no understanding of that At that moment. I am, I can't see them, I don't know what they're doing, and they be behind me, you know, and that way I have nothing that can come up behind me or scare me or confront. It is all facing me and I'm like, okay, and I definitely have a look on my face like you don't want to approach me, so I have no problems. At that point I've eliminated it all. But that's that's how best I could kind of you know empathize in that scenario, because I know how that feels to be so overwhelmed that you're just trying to one control your own emotional response but to keep others from being affected by that right, you know and that's one thing that you know.
Speaker 2:With autism there's no filter in the brain, so there's no. Imagine listening to 20 different orchestras playing 20 different musical numbers and that's what it's like to have autism. That that's the old, that's the best scenario that I can give to what it's like. Yeah, if there is no, so a neurotypical brain will filter out all the extraneous data. Let it all go. You know it doesn't allow the break. Processing not to see. Brain doesn't have that right.
Speaker 2:Everything comes in yeah so it doesn't matter if the sound is coming from way across the street, it is the same as if it were right next to you and you've got all these things coming in. And so when you get in that moment, the brain no longer is physically capable of processing new information, similar to trauma reactions, where the brain is so traumatized and triggered in that moment that it can no longer process new information and it goes into that fight or flight mode. And that's what it's like with an autistic meltdown. When you get overstimulated, like that is, there's just too much too much coming in and there's nothing in an autistic brain to filter it out what's interesting or fascinating about that is that, you know, for my son is a good example of this.
Speaker 1:His information processing is like his capacity is leaps and bounds above an active adult mind. So you know, and I always try to give the explanation of like, if he's sitting in the classroom like a, like a college professor giving a math equation on the board, he can sit in a space, be playing a game on his phone and not doing any of the classwork and then he'll ace the test because all of it's happening all at the same time and his brain is capturing it all. Yeah, and so you're.
Speaker 1:That's a good description of that 20 different orchestras playing 20 different songs, 20 different directions, all of the different pieces involved in that, and your brain is just absorbing it all yeah instead of going like, okay, I'm going to pay attention to the harp on this one song you know and you're like your brain can focus on this one thing or zero in on a specific moment of that. That's that the lacking of that is just like information by the fire hose instead of by the little drinking fountain that we normally process.
Speaker 2:Yeah and so and as we get older, um, it's easier to mask those issues, which is why high masking is usually a problem with adults. Kids don't have that problem, which is why they get very or don't have that ability to adapt. So they are very overwhelmed when you take them to a park and just suddenly all these sounds are coming in at a park and a neurotypical brain filters out the conversation that's happening across the park or the kid that's crying over there, whereas the autistic kid they are hearing everything as if it's right next to them. So they hear that conversation, they hear that kid screaming, they hear the ice cream truck, they hear the motorcycle revving as it's going down the street.
Speaker 2:All these different things I mean, I've been there All these things happen all at the same time and it can just be overwhelming. So that's why you know, when you're talking about sensitivity of touch and things like that, any way that we can reduce that sensitivity allows us to be able to bear other things, which is why I wear a very specific wardrobe. I have to have specific shirts, because it means that I can deal with other things a lot easier.
Speaker 1:And I want to say, like creature of habit is one thing, but this is like creature of habit on steroids. You know, because you are very set in your ways, you know, like you know there are particular things in particular ways, in particular order, and you know I think this kind of leads into the next section. So before I do that, I just kind of want to, you know, mention if you're enjoying the content, if it's something that you like what we're doing or what we're talking about. Please don't forget to subscribe and join our awesome community. It's quick and it's easy and you'll never miss out on the latest video that way. So hit that subscribe button now and let's grow together.
Speaker 1:I think you know an important part about this is like, let's talk a little bit about tips, tips about how to support an autistic loved one. Okay, or you know, like it doesn't have to be necessary a loved one, but if you recognize, like I work with you and I recognize that there are things that I can apply in this setting, the same as I do at home with my son who's diagnosed with autism, and so you know it doesn't necessarily universally apply, but these are some good tips to try to kind of understand. Number one tip number one is be patient and understanding in their communication style. You know, one of the things I guess you know as an example is if they're not into hugs, don't force it, don't be like God you want a hug, you want a hug, you know. But at the same time, you know, think of it like they're cats. Okay, cats, they're going to come to you when they want to come to you. Other than that, don't approach them or you're going to get claws. You know. That is a very good analogy, but the idea is that you know it's don't try to invade. It's like the person who came over and just tapped you on the shoulder like they didn't mean anything by it. No, they, they meant absolutely well, but that that exposure to just the contact right there, is not something that you're welcoming at that moment.
Speaker 1:And I, you know, I, I, I have to be careful with my son because I have to wake him up every single morning, basically because he won't get up, and I have to wake him up numerous times every single morning. But I want to be careful how I go in and I put contact on him. I will usually have my hand gently on his shoulder and that is it. And I don't rub, I just hey dude, hey dude. You know, if he doesn't want to wake up, I'm just kind of like a little bit of movement, not a lot, not shaking awake, you know, just getting him going. But it's just letting him know I have a contact, but it's not like a hug, it's not an embrace. I let that happen when he wants that to happen, yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and that goes back to that sensory issue. There's a lot of issues that go along with it, but if they're overwhelmed in the moment, you have no idea, right? That guy who came and tapped me on the shoulder, he had no idea that I was on a razor's edge there because of everything else that was going on, right, and so you come and try to give them a hug. They may be okay with it because it's been a low-stress day, a low-sensory input day, and they're more willing to it, but on high-sensory input days they may not be. And so that's where just be open to that as well as be open to if they get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:Just know where it's coming from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, don't, don't, it's not personal, they're not mad at you. Where it's coming from. Yeah, don't, don't, it's not personal, they're not mad at you, they're just, they're overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:So the other one is offer. Tip number two is offer consistency or routine. Consistency or routine is is like even to the fact of you know, like if you said you're going to be here at this time, be here at this time, okay. Now, granted, you know, over the years I've you're not as as strict on on this aspect of it you. Maybe that's something that's developed over the years as you've gotten a little bit better masking um in in that expectation. But my daughter, who's eight years old, who is exhibiting some of this stuff, if it's not like a routine set, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to get you going at this time, so you have this much time to be able to leave at this time.
Speaker 1:It's incredibly difficult because the moment that gets disrupted it's the end of the world. Nothing is right at that point. You can't get your shoes right, you can't pick out the right pair of socks, it doesn't matter what. It is the wrong cereal, the wrong everything about your day, and it's kind of like. You know, imagine living in a world where the most comfortable thing is knowing your coffee is always brewed at 7, 0, 2 am. I was like man. That sounds magnificent If I knew my coffee was brewed at a 7.02,. I could wake up and have a cup of coffee. Like don't mess with that timeline, don't yeah? Like that's to the T Now. Yeah, I mean, like in this office space. I think about that as like my life is so much chaos because of the fact that I keep my kids on a routine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and it's just one of these. And if that routine gets messed up, it is devastating because and even if it's not a written routine, so an autistic brain will wake up in the morning and have everything outlined and designed for the day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whether it's written somewhere or not, that is their plan and that's the hardest designed for the day, whether it's written somewhere or not.
Speaker 2:That is their plan. And that's the hardest thing for parents of autistic kids is the parent has a plan and it's probably a loose plan, but then the kid has a plan. Maybe, it's something that the parent said previously maybe it's just something that they see this is how my day is going to go, and then halfway through the day, the parent says we're doing something else that just completely disrupts everything. Well, and I have this often and they have no idea.
Speaker 1:I have this often with my son because you know he makes plans, he has this thought for the day but didn't communicate it with me and maybe there are things and expectations as a parent for my child that they need to take care of, to do in order to have the privileges of whatever they want to do for the day, sort of thing. And so it's. It's challenging because I I try to convey that message to to my son, but then he's like, well, like I, I didn't know. I was likewise, I didn't know your plan either. I was like, so we must work together for this, like to get it done. He's done really, really well. You know you'll like grit his teeth and just go for it, you know, but that consistency is there.
Speaker 1:The other thing is schoolwork For my son. You know having a class schedule is good, but you know there's a uniqueness about his education program that we have to look at and right now we're moving to packets to complete some of his subject content. And I told him I was like this is what we'll do is, once we get the packets, we're going to look at the amount of work and the amount of time left to accomplish it. That way you know what you have to do. Amount of work every day to be able to get this done. I need to do a page and a half worth of work and that worked gloriously last year with him and it's just kind of keeping that on task because then he knows when he wakes up that's part of his checklist, of his vision for the day. Whether it's mastering rock bending or going out with a friend or whatever it is, it's very structured and that helps the autistic mind, it really really does.
Speaker 1:So the tip number three is help manage sensory sensitivities, being mindful of the environment. So the idea is to go, like you know, surprise, we're going to take you to an EDM concert, you know, just completely subject them to torture. And, granted, you might like EDM, you might might like my son likes some really wild music. It's very unique and strange and for me it's way too much. It's a lot of chaos, but I listen to hardcore metal, so it's really hard for me to say that something else is too much, because mine, in most people's cases, they're like can you turn that off? It hurts my head, you know.
Speaker 1:But his is like an interesting, because mine, in most people's cases, they're like ah, can you turn that off? It hurts my head, you know, but his is like an interesting chaos that I can't track. It's too much. And you know, it's just that idea of being aware of those moments or those things that you're, I don't cook zucchini, you know, or if I do, I set it on the side so that it's an option for him, because I know that he's not going to want it.
Speaker 2:If it's even in a dish, he won't eat the thing. Yeah, one of my big triggers and I have to make sure that these don't exist in any home I'm in are ceiling fans Interesting Ceiling fans? The way that they make sound. There is no pattern, there is no repetition, it is utter chaos. And remember, to an autistic brain it doesn't matter whether it is quiet or loud or how far away it is, all of it is the same, as if it's right next to you. And so hearing that ceiling fan with its inconsistent noise is the most just, jarring thing in the world. To me, refrigerators do the same thing, but refrigerators are generally more consistent. But that ceiling fan if there's a ceiling fan on anywhere in the home, it just. And we may be getting into triggers at some point, but noticing when someone is going to go toward that they've been overstimulated or over-triggered, recognizing those is really important. One of mine is the stutter. If you want to watch, joe trigger.
Speaker 1:We have an episode, asmr and it is the funniest episode on earth, because I did all of the ASMR while I had the separate camera of Joe's reaction the entire time and it is literally like we could probably make a blooper reel of just Joe's reactions to everything. It is absolutely hilarious. So check that out. Uh, it's, it's just giant letters asmr, for the, for the episode, and it is just laughable. Watching, watching that it's, it's good and you hear it.
Speaker 2:so when I'm talking about the, the ceiling fans, um, when I start, I mean I can start to hear that Stop thinking about it, Joe.
Speaker 2:And my daughters know that when they start hearing me stutter like that, that's a sign that my brain is no longer processing new information, it's starting to overload and shut down, and that's really important to recognize when someone's been overstimulated, because it then leads to other potential issues and help them find a place where they can calm down a nice dark room, no noise, headphones. There's a lot of different ways that you can help them, but recognizing those signs of when they're getting overstimulated is really important, and that's one thing that's for me. I don't know if it's the same for other people who are autistic or if there's a group of autistic people out there that have the same thing, but it's that stutter is one of the big things, and so you can start to see that in a lot of the communication I mean even throughout this there have been times when I'm thinking about these triggering moments where it's like, okay, I'm done processing and I can't do it anymore.
Speaker 1:So one of the things that is you said this like putting headphones on or going into a dark room, you're kind of shutting down motor skills in order to do something and and what you're trying to do is eliminate exposure to information, um, which is which is hard. A lot of this, like I want to bring up our our. One of the things that we have is called neuralwarririorco, and essentially it's a mindfulness meditation technique. That is, it's not just this simple process of just kind of calming down or box breathing exercises. Those are good, they're valuable, but in this case, this is more about neurohacking, so you're actually redeveloping and remapping parts or neural pathways within your mind to be able to train particular responses. It can be helpful for individuals with autism. However, on the other side of this is when you're talking about an autism, let's say, trigger, oftentimes it's the elimination of sensory that is necessary in those moments. So often, like, you're not looking for a mindfulness app to do this.
Speaker 1:My son absolutely hates it. Why? Because the last thing he wants to do is listen to anybody out of the blue shout at him in his headphones about whatever he's supposed to be doing breathing, considering, thinking about whatever Because his mind is thinking about 75,000 things right now and what he needs to do is shut his eyes. Yeah, what he needs to do is put white noise filtering, noise canceling headphones on and just leave the headphones on. By the way, that is the most incredible feeling in the whole wide world Just put noise canceling headphones on and just leave the headphones on. By the way, that is the most incredible feeling in the whole wide world. Just put noise canceling headphones on. Nothing on it, just silence. Silence is golden. I have a little chihuahua at home. I can't even hear her when I put those noise canceling headphones on. It is glorious.
Speaker 1:It's oftentimes in those moments, sometimes just removing sensory that calms that down, maybe offering an option of trying to do some breathing exercise, but realistically, it's that sort of stuff. So the last thing is you know what not to do, okay. So we kind of mentioned some things about what you could maybe do in. You know what not to do, okay. So we kind of mentioned some things about what you could maybe do in that sense, but what not to do?
Speaker 1:You're not trying to fix somebody. They're not broken, okay, yeah, it is part of an identity of who they are. It makes up their characteristics and and it's not a flaw, and so it's viewing them as broken or viewing them as a problem because of this is you're the problem. It's recognizing that how you help them is by applying and being sensitive to their needs and making sure that the method in which you are operating with them is for them. You're encouraging them to improve certain things. So it may not be like raising my voice. No, it may be making a suggestion rather than it being, you know, a directive that changes course, because the last thing you want to do is change their routine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's things like when they get close to a meltdown or when they're overstimulated or any of these situations. It's by trying to tell them just stop doing that. That doesn't work. That's damaging.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tell them don't act like that or you know you'll look autistic. Yeah, I doesn't work. That's damaging. Yeah, tell them to don't act like that or you'll look autistic. Yeah, I can't do that.
Speaker 2:But recognizing that this is a part of who they are. One thing that I've done with my kids is we've written down what are my triggers, what are the issues that lead to that, so that we all know that we avoid those situations. If we can't avoid them, we know that. Okay, there needs to be extra measures in place because we couldn't avoid this specific stressor to now. We need to be more mindful about the other stressors that are coming in. Or dad needs time to relax and not do anything. He needs time to be away from everyone, or things like that, and know that it's not a, you know, slight against someone. That's just not just a person. Being autistic, yeah, and being helpful, open and loving to someone who's going through those kinds of things is is so vital, and not Trying to fix them.
Speaker 1:There's nothing to fix, yeah and even when you talk about unplugging for a moment without autism, that's important. You can't bring home your traffic jam and your busy work day and just lay it in the lap of everybody at your household. You have to be able to decompress, you have to have those moments where you're breathing in and breathing out and then and then maybe maybe doing that in the car before you walk in the door, sort of a thing, or whatever your routine is. Have that communicated so that you can. You can have that moment.
Speaker 1:Putting noise canceling headphones on it is beautiful, okay, but but maybe maybe you don't have those. So shut the radio off in your car and just sit in silence, because in your car is pretty silent, okay, it's a good opportunity for you to just kind of be with your breathing, you know, and let them do that. Yes, it's letting them do that. There's nothing wrong with it. It's not even you're not trying to fix them. You're allowing them to to continue to regulate and you know it's. It's the idea that if you think that you have to fix autism, it's like trying to get a dog to meow, you know, it's just not going to happen, like the most thing that's going to happen is everyone's just going to end up being confused and frustrated you know and so.
Speaker 1:So, rather than trying to think that autism is some sort of thing, you need to put a bandaid over and continually try to you know, move away from recognize that. It's just, it's, it's, it is. You know, it's there, it's part of who they are and you know. Just like you would I don't know, just like you would customize the way that you talk to somebody else you know maybe or the way that you would communicate to a small child when they're having a conversation, or an older person. If you're having a conversation with them, you would make sure that you're sensitive to how they receive it, what you're talking to them. You're not going to talk to an older person like you're going to talk to a small child. They would get insulted by that. There's no difference in what we're talking about right here.
Speaker 1:Don't tell them they're wrong, like you mentioned, imposter syndrome them they're wrong. You're, like you mentioned, imposter syndrome and uh, basically it's. It's kind of where trying to mask so much out of fear that that you know they're broken, or out of fear that they're there's something wrong with them, that they end up having other issues, other mental issues, because of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when autistic people are told you don't act autistic or you don't look autistic or you're not autistic, that creates a lot of issues around imposter syndrome where it's like, okay, am I wrong? Is all this stuff? Am I really just crazy? And I don't have autism? Is there something wrong with me other than this? I mean, it leads to so many other issues where if you just accept someone that, yeah, they're autistic, okay, great, I feel.
Speaker 2:One of the greatest things for me was I mentioned earlier this new YouTube channel. I can't remember the name of it. We'll link it below because I think they're they're great in the education here. But when I started watching that and I felt validated and accepted, I watched their videos for like four or five hours, but I found this channel that's calm and I actually started to cry because I felt so validated that I actually that I am. Yes, this is what I am doing, what I am feeling. This is autism. You get me? Yeah, exactly, and you know that validation is so important because imposter syndrome is very damaging, especially with autism. And so don't tell someone they don't look autistic or they don't act autistic, because they're probably high masking.
Speaker 1:Well, I also want to say that there's no look to autism, Right yeah.
Speaker 1:There's? No, there's, it is part of them. It is part of them, and the other part of that, though, is, like you know, obviously we talked about don't overwhelm them with things or spontaneous changes. You know, and it's like this If I want my son to do something like a task for the day, it drives him nuts, but he won't do it if I don't do it this way. If I say, hey, I made a list, it's upstairs on the counter, he won't even ever, he won't look at the list.
Speaker 2:He won't actually do any of it. Okay, now, if I go and I'm leaving, I'm heading out the door and I was like hey, I need you to take care of this, this, this, this, this and this.
Speaker 1:And then I get home and nothing's been done. Why? Because I said that before I left, okay. But if I say, hey, when you're awake, call me, okay, so he calls me. That's one job, you have one job. And if he doesn't call me, obviously I'll call him, okay. But then I'm like okay, I want you to take care of this. He's like is there anything else? I want you to take care of that, okay. Then he goes and does that. Okay, I did that. Okay, now I want you to take care of this, okay.
Speaker 1:So I'm giving it to him in pieces. Why? Because if I invited him to three different events in the same day, that is madness in his mind and he's going to shut down and then he's not going to go to any of it. So it's being considerate of the fact of overwhelming with too much data when he's already overwhelmed with that much information. So you might as well just give it one piece at a time. It's okay, it takes an extra 10 seconds, don't worry about it. But then also in that being mindful of their needs in that kind of capacity doesn't mean that they're fragile. It's not like oh, I'm dealing with this delicate little egg. I got to be careful because it's so delicate and fragile. Oh, my goodness, I can't break it. Well, no, but the reality is is like my son still has great conversations with me, he has opinions and he can be argumentative and and all of the things that everyone else has. It's just, there are moments that I know I need to be respectful of how he receives things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's it. I mean, I work with a great guy. For those of you that know, I work at Domino's part-time. It's a great source for a lot of our videos. But one of the guys that I work with he is autistic, kind of mid-functioning, needs some extra support, some extra resources, resources. But he's the same way I mean he is. He needs people to be very forceful with him so that he knows what he needs to do. If you're not very forceful with him, he won't do it. And there's there's a story that the manager that loves telling you know he was being very forceful with this kid about okay, you need to do this. You messed up on this. You need to correct this. For a lot of autistic people we don't understand subtlety, right, and and I say a lot you've met one autistic person. You've met one autistic person yeah, you can't.
Speaker 1:Well, you and you can't beat around the bush with, with they're very literal in general.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so you know he was being very forceful. Okay, you messed up here, you need to correct this. You messed up here, you need to correct this. Uh, and one of the customers that was in got mad at the manager for uh being so forceful with this employee, uh with his kid, and uh the manager shot back no, I am doing exactly what he needs to be done and that's exactly it. If you walk on eggshells around autistic people because you think they're fragile or sensitive or anything like that, they're probably missing what you're saying Absolutely. And again, this isn't all people. We're talking generalities here. Again, you've met one autistic person. You've met one autistic person. You've met one autistic person, but in general, you need to be that forceful, you need to follow up with them, because that's what most autistic people prefer. We don't understand subtlety in general. That's part of the social cues that we don't get, and so you need to be very straightforward, and sometimes that's forceful.
Speaker 1:Well, a good example is my son. If I ask him to take the trash out, he will take trash out. He will take one trash. There are trash cans all over my house, so when I say take the trash out, I am implying the entire house and he will take one room. Uh-huh, and I'm like where did we miscommunicate here? So I have to be intentional. I implied yes, I have to be intentional and say I need you to go through the house and take all of the trashes out. Very intentional about wording, because he will literally take trash out. And he's like I did what you asked. I'm like oh boy, like oh boy, that's exactly it.
Speaker 2:And so you know we're not. You know what would you call a little fragile eggs. Fragile eggs, real people.
Speaker 1:Come on treat us with that kind of respect.
Speaker 1:So, guys, I think the importance is is really about being patient, being consistent and understanding in the process of this that it's not an exact science. I think I like that when you've met an autistic person, you've met one autistic person. You haven't met them all. They're very unique in different ways and absolutely beautiful ways. I think another thing to kind of point out in this is that autism isn't a defect.
Speaker 1:I want to use the word a superpower.
Speaker 1:Some people may not feel that way and I'll disclose.
Speaker 1:I'll disclaim it like this I have a cousin of mine who won Miss Wheelchair Universe a number of years back and she advocates for disabled individuals by not allowing them to say disabled, but using the word extra able, because the amount of things that she can do are that are things that we take for granted, like oh yeah, like this, like this driving a car down the road. She has no arms or legs, so having the ability to drive her own vehicle and go out and about by herself is absolutely incredible to think or imagine, but yet she can, and that's way above and beyond normal human capacity. So, yes, I believe that equates to a superpower, and my son can process things leaps and bounds faster than anyone else. I know. Yes, I believe that's a superpower and it's a different, maybe even better, way of experiencing the world. When you think of it that way, I guess I've learned to look at it with an appreciation for how cool it is to be able to experience that you know and have sympathy for. You know how intense that can be sometimes.
Speaker 2:But to just you know, I don't know like it's fascinating to me and I think a lot of the problems with you know, with people saying it's a superpower and things like that, are because it's a way of other people to kind of put people with autism down. That's the way it's been expressed, that way before.
Speaker 1:Oh, they're autistic.
Speaker 2:Oh they've got a superpower. It's just that diminutive way of talking to someone with autism.
Speaker 2:And so that's where maybe we're hypersensitive to those kinds of words because they've been used negatively against us. But I love the idea behind that because, yeah, we see the world maybe differently than a neurotypical person, but it adds to our ability to be able to see the world in a different way. Yeah, you know, dead poet society is one of my favorite movies and he has them stand up on the desk to see the world from a different perspective. Yeah, and that is so valuable to be able to move forward as a society and so, looking at us having a superpower and being able to see the world differently. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that. I think the term narrow spicy. I think it's narrow spicy, but we've got to take these things as you know, people who use them diminutively. We're just going to ignore them and use the terms that we want to use. You know it's however you want to describe yourself great so long as you're not doing it to insult someone else.
Speaker 2:If you're neurotypical and you want to call someone, you know with autism that they have a superpower great. As long as you're doing it the right way, I don't have a problem with it.
Speaker 1:Well, we have reached the end of our show for today. Sorry, no dad joke time, but I want to say thank you for listening, thank you for watching, and life's too short, so keep laughing and learning and remember idiots have way more fun. Check your shoes.