The Idiots Guide
Sometimes it's about "ADULTING" enough for the day, and other times it's about Keeping a job, Feeding the family, Educating the kids, and Buying the stuff.
Most of us were taught how to read, write, and math good.
But never taught how to file taxes, change a tire, or cook a meal.
How in the world have we survived?
Well, have no fear, the Idiots are here to guide you.
We don't know much more about all the stuff but we might be just a little further down the road than you.
Make no mistake, most of our advice is more like don't try this at home.
Hope it helps!
The Idiots Guide
Battling Body Image: Finding Self-Acceptance Amid Societal Pressures
Ever felt like you're the only one battling body image issues? You're definitely not alone. We share our candid stories about facing the societal pressures of looking "Hollywood perfect" and how this impacts our self-esteem. From weight struggles to the stigma of baldness, we open up about the emotional roller coaster that comes with these challenges and provide insights into maintaining a healthy body image. Our honest conversation sheds light on how both men and women are influenced by advertising tactics and societal norms, offering tips to recognize and combat these pressures with self-compassion.
We tackle the often ignored topic of emotional isolation and how it sneaks into our lives. Discover how subtle changes in behavior can signal isolation and why the social media highlight reel can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. With humor and vulnerability, we discuss strategies for fostering positive connections and the importance of surrounding ourselves with uplifting influences. Our stories of battling insecurities highlight the importance of community interactions and face-to-face connections, which are vital for overcoming feelings of being alone and inadequate.
Finally, we celebrate the strengths and unique qualities that define us. Through personal anecdotes, we explore how embracing what our bodies can do, rather than just how they look, leads to a positive self-image. Whether finding empowerment through martial arts or appreciating personal features like eyes, we encourage embracing imperfections and seeking supportive environments. We wrap up with the importance of setting boundaries to avoid negativity and the power of kindness in dealing with difficult people. Join us for a heartfelt and humorous journey towards self-acceptance and positivity.
Today on the Idiot's Guide. You know those days when the mirror feels like your worst critic or when you're scrolling through social media and somehow everyone else is living their best life but you. Today we're diving into a topic that a lot of us have probably experienced, but don't always talk about Social and self-influence on body image and how loneliness is often the result. It's okay. Like I said, we've all been there. The good news is we're going to break it down, figure out a few reasons why we feel this way and, of course, offer some tips to help turn things around. So turn off that camera filter and let's get real. I'm your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Idiot's Guide.
Speaker 1:So I think part of what I want to kind of start out with on this is this is a really I feel like a very sensitive subject in that a lot of people, like we said, like I said at the very beginning, they do struggle with this. Like I've struggled with this, I'm sure you've struggled with this and I don't want to come across as insensitive in that sense and so you know, like trying to bring a subject for the Idiot's Guide to cover that is also aware of how, how sensitive of a subject this is. It was important and the fact that it hits home is there's things that we're going to cover today that are things that are personally challenging me to this moment, and so you know it is real, it's tangible and you know I don't, I don't want to discount that or diminish that in how we go forward in this subject.
Speaker 2:And I think you know to go along with that is. You know, we can't just ignore these kinds of subjects just because they're hard to talk about and we may say the wrong thing because we're recording this, but these are our live opinions and we may even share something that may be not our opinion, but afterwards we're like, ah, I probably shouldn't have said that, or maybe should have said that differently, or anything like that. But realistically, that's what. That's what editing is for.
Speaker 1:Well, not only that, but that's what the Idiot's Guide is all about.
Speaker 2:It's true, because none of us are perfect.
Speaker 1:Most everything I keep in, but sometimes I'll say something, or you'll say something, that is either extremely boring or extremely offensive, and I've got to get rid of it.
Speaker 2:Well and when we're out in the real world, our conversations, there are going to be times where we say something like oh, I probably shouldn't have said that, but you said it anyway because you realize afterward. But to shy away from sensitive subjects because you're afraid of how someone might take it, I think is not the best way to address things. It is best to be open and honest about things people face. Yeah, and really that's what the Idiot's Guide is all about. You know, we're going to talk about things that people on the street really talk about and we don't want to shy away from those things.
Speaker 1:So for me, one of the things I think that connects this is I am a larger human being, and in some cases intimidatingly larger, and what you've complimented me tried to bring some positivity into that by calling me Hollywood fat, which in an earlier episode we do talk about. But you know, I try to describe that to other people.
Speaker 2:They're like huh, that's a nice backhanded compliment, you know, okay for those of you watching now that we're in a bigger area, you can see what I'm talking about when I talk about hollywood fat. Okay, I am not hollywood fat. Go and look, do a search for heavy set people in like um, uh, what's their names? Uh, uh, drew carey, um um. Melissa mccarthy, um, look up, um, there's. There's lots of. I don't know. I can't think of all of them, but yeah, there's a big difference. So if you see me, I'm gonna kind of you know, oh man make sure I stay in now you're off frame this right here.
Speaker 2:This is not hollywood fat. Hollywood fat is the absence of this, and it's all up front. This may not stay in the edit. It may stay in the edit one way or another. That's not hollywood fat I from.
Speaker 1:I I suffer from no acetal syndrome and so I don't have that back area, I have the front and I think it's the cut that you can wear in a suit. You know like to let it out in the back for a little bit of rear room, or is it to let it in the shoulders down so that you still have this trap? Look, that is the Hollywood look. So I can still have a gut, still look okay in a suit. Yeah, so I get it.
Speaker 2:I just look like.
Speaker 1:Homer Simpson. It's hard to describe that to other people, so when I try to give that perspective, people are like neat, I believe you, I do, I truly want to. But the point of it was just the fact that I was asked by somebody the other day how long I have has my weight been a challenge, has it been something that I've had to be very attentive on, like being on diets, and it's talking like it's. It's talking about some of those like lifestyle of you know, constantly trying to find a good diet and there are thousands of them that are terrible for you and they're constantly seeking ways to improve it. Not a fast track, but just a good, healthy approach about this and always coming up short and feeling for myself this roller coaster of success, fail, success, fail, and no matter what I did, it was always a roller coaster, and so it was the question of how long I've dealt with that, and I was, you know, long time, most of my life and um and and what that does to a person. When it's talking about my self image, my body image, is, is, is really, you know it's it's hard for me to accept a positive perspective about it. So even like I give the same response when I think in my head, the same response that when I tell somebody I'm Hollywood fat, and they're like, huh, yeah, neat, cool, but okay, we'll give it to you. You know that's what my brain does. It's like, okay, sure, you know, full of doubt, definitely don't, don't believe you. But okay, you know, and I think that's that's just. That's just me being honest about.
Speaker 1:You know, something that I struggle with is it's something that there's a lot of reasons why we, you know why, why an individual would, would struggle with that. You know some of it's, you know. Uh, looking at comparing to others, you know, looking at looking at someone in Hollywood and going, man, I don't look like that. You know someone on social media friends. They, you know, like different things and it's not always necessarily like a, a particular like kind of makeup that they wear or, uh, an outfit.
Speaker 1:It could be items that they can afford that you can't, you know, and that results in like, because they make such and such amounts of money, they can afford the liposuction to look fantastic. And I'm over here, you know, climbing up a mountain. You know climbing up a mountain. You know losing my breath after a flight of stairs and going. I don't know why, but it's pretty much the financial you know issue, that like. So it's always you know, and I I think that you know the comparison about that is feeling like I'm not going to ever achieve what someone else is going to achieve.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you know, and I think a lot of well-meaning people go out there talking about the financial issue yes, there is a level of diet and exercise that helps especially with, like, weight issues. But we're not just talking about weight. These are. There are a lot of body image issues, yeah, but we're not just talking about weight, these are. There are a lot of body image issues.
Speaker 2:yeah, um, but you know, with the right makeups or with the right diet and exercise, with the right this and that, but the right diet is freaking expensive yeah you know, and a lot of you know, doctors on youtube or tiktok talk about, oh yeah, if you do do this, and yeah, but you're making a ton of money and I don't have that money to afford that kind of a diet and it's a lot cheaper to get a McDonald's cheeseburger than to go get a thing of fresh blueberries every single day to eat. You know, it's just just. It doesn't mix and with makeup. There are these women that do all this really fancy makeup, or men and make themselves look great. Well, that makeup costs a thousand bucks. Yeah, for one palette. I know what a palette is.
Speaker 1:I have daughters I I know them as pieces of wood nailed together with really strong nails. That's a pallet.
Speaker 2:Um, and so I mean these things and that's how I know accidents of these things are. I have daughters, um, and so the idea of, uh, a lot of these things you know, when it comes to that body image issue, is you can't cure it with money. For the most part, right, and a lot of the people you see online, social media, actors and actresses they spend a ton of money on makeup, on stylists, on all these things to make them look like this ideal image.
Speaker 1:The facade and the amount of money it takes to put, you know, to put on that facade, and you're like, yeah, every other area of your life is just garbage and it's falling to pieces. And you know, we, we have a lot of that coming to light right now. And you know, and like this shiny, polished lifestyle and you go, wow, this is not what I expected. And you know, like, that's that's, that's more the truth, unfortunately, but but it's.
Speaker 1:It's one of those things where you're like you can't, you know you can't, you can't just continue to put a to, to put a mask on things and not think that you're going to lead people to false expectations about even themselves that they're asking, and what that does is then now, all of a sudden, I can't achieve the greatness that so-and-so deals with, or this example that I know, or this influencer that I'm talking to and influencer is called an influencer for a reason but now you won't go out to social interactions, you will avoid these certain places because you, you yourself, feel like you're inadequate to even be present. And then, on the other side of it is, what is other, what are other people going to do? When you get there? They're going to be. Oh my gosh, like that person is definitely not Hollywood fat, you know, like yeah they really fill out that suit and that's.
Speaker 1:that's definitely not the case ever, I like. If you are, then you're an a-hole, you know, but but you heard it here first.
Speaker 1:If you do that to other people, you're an a-hole, but avoidance is, is absolutely something that is there and you're going to convince yourself of that because you're inadequate in these areas. And it's not true. It's a distortion of what the reality is, but that doesn't matter At that point. You've already convinced yourself. So you isolate. And what does isolation do? Isolation it, you know, like there's no one else except for you pouring into yourself about how terrible you are. So you just continue to feel more disconnected and to continue being lower and lower, going back into, you know, back. Look at that mirror again. You're like, oh, you know. Back into this again. You're lonely, again. It's just this perpetual cycle that spirals. They both feed into each other. You're lonely, you're, you're, you're uh, no one's, no one's around. So you feel like it's, it's a body image thing. You look at your body image and it causes you to stay away. You isolate, you're lonely, you're like it's just back and forth.
Speaker 2:It's a perpetually downhill cycle of you just feel worse and worse and worse. And I mean body image issues are a really, really big issue Because I mean, from the beginning of Hollywood it has always been. We see the really painted images of what we all should look like, you know, we. I mean this goes back to. So if you ever look up the history of women shaving okay, shaving Okay I know this is a weird one to talk about with body image issues, but shaving and why women shave their armpits and their legs, is because I believe it was Gillette that they realized they were missing a huge amount of their market. They were advertising to men because men have beards and so they have to shave. Well, they realized. Well, women have hair too, not on their face but other places. So how do we get women to buy our razors? And so they threw their advertising.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm totally going to fact check this. I'm excited Go ahead Because I want I want to know I'm gonna name drop. Adam ruins everything did a video or an episode yeah, not this.
Speaker 2:Much more talented uh, adam conover did an episode on this so you can go and look at his episode and look at all the fact checking there. I believe it was jet gillette it could be chic. I can't remember one of those, uh, original razor brands did all this advertising Barbasol. Yeah, I think Barbasol was one of them that convinced women that to be a proper woman, you had to shave. Okay, and so that's why women started shaving is because they were, through advertising, convinced that they were not a true woman unless they shaved Now. Prior to that never been done.
Speaker 1:Which is crazy because, like you think about now, it's really odd if you don't you know, like there's some social accepting that's occurred in the last probably 10 years.
Speaker 2:We're fighting against that advertising. That was originally but.
Speaker 1:But the reality is is like it's, it's, it's still like an awkward situation it's become normal because it's been there for over 100 years.
Speaker 2:Multiple generations have been part of this perpetuation of an advertising gimmick yeah, you have.
Speaker 1:You're like a dude puts on shorts and it's okay. A A girl puts on shorts and you know she's like a gorilla.
Speaker 2:You know you're like oh my goodness, that's exactly it and that is viral marketing.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't be judgmental. That's, that's rude. I am one of those a-holes.
Speaker 2:Yes that's what that means and with this idea of body image, is that we have to be a certain way in order to be properly accepted. Even men have the same thing. Now it is a whole lot worse for women. I am not diminishing the effect that this has on women by talking about the effect this has on men, but a lot of men feel like they can't talk about this because it's not manly to talk about body image issues. That's a woman's issue, which in and of itself, has is a whole problem to think of this as only a women's issue. But I'm going real meta here. Uh, with all the backs and forth, I'm lost.
Speaker 1:Um, but men have the same problem I think I got it, but start over at the beginning.
Speaker 2:Okay, that way we're just kidding, no, okay uh, but this is a men's issue too, in that men have to present a certain way. If you are over a certain age, perfectly fine to be losing your hair and to be bald, yeah, but you have to be completely bald. If you are balding, ah, that's a's a bad image. If you're bald, you're distinguished. If you're over a certain age, if you're bald at a young age, you're kind of awkward. If you don't have the six-pack abs with the nice obliques, you don't have that right image, you're lazy.
Speaker 1:I have an 18-pack.
Speaker 2:There you go. You're not a real man, unless you've actually got that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know there are a lot of these images and now it's starting even with beards. Is that if you don't have a beard, you're not a manly man? Manly men have beards and so if you want to be presented as a manly man, you have to have a beard. Well, I know a lot of people who have particularly red or blonde hair that there's no way they're growing a beard, and if they do, it looks like they're about to be a creeper.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a reason why they have the word now beard envy, because that exact reason, and so it's this body image issue, and I even just did it again myself by saying that people who have awkward looking beards look like creepers, and that's a body image issue. We have to stop judging people based on their looks, because some people may want a beard, but they can't grow a good one, and so it looks a little splotchy. That's perfectly fine. And there there's so many body image issues there is in the world today.
Speaker 1:I think the most important part of it is to give yourself some compassion. And when you run across things that are, um, when you run across things that are negative, um, like thoughts that you may have like no one's going to like this and they're all going to say something about this, whatever it is, challenge that. Challenge that, for you know the way that you're thinking and going like, okay, you know, like, unpack a thought distortion when you're thinking, okay, like, the best example I could say is if I was walking around saying the world is full of liars, I'm like well, that's not actually true. There's a lot but, but. But the idea behind that is to go okay, well, let's, let's bring that down to more of a realistic amount of people who are liars and who are not. And then you realize that, no, like, people who are surrounding you are not going to be that way and that like, like that goes for a negative thought. They're all going to say this.
Speaker 1:You're like, ok, well, maybe if this person is really mean, they might say it, but I don't really like to surround myself with people that are that mean, and so I try to make sure that, even that I'm surrounded by people who are positive, that are good influences.
Speaker 1:That means that I'm not like if somebody just is so phony they're like this mega influencer online but people are hurting themselves because of what they're trying to do as an influencer, that person doesn't give a crap about you, they're not for you, they're not positive and so get rid of it. Whether that's social media or whether that's a friendship that you have that you're like that person is you know off in their own world and they're not a true friend. So it's something. Look at who you're surrounded by and surround yourself by those positive influences. And then the other one is look if it's truly something where this is an ongoing struggle. There are individuals. There are therapists and counselors out there that can help with the thoughts that you may have, the perceptions that you may have and different things that are just services that are out there to be able to aid in helping have a better perspective about yourself or your body image and also any other negative thought patterns that you may be struggling with.
Speaker 2:And if you don't know where to find those kinds of therapist counselors, there are a lot of resources online. Neither of these are sponsors, but there's a website called Psychology Today that can help put you in contact with a therapist or counselor specific to your needs, specific to your concerns. So if you only want a female therapist, you can filter it to only see female therapists. You can put it to certain price ranges that you're able to afford insurance, all those kinds of things. So, psychology Today, if you're having a hard time finding them. Again, they are not a sponsor, just someone that I always recommend to people if they're looking for a therapist, cause it can be hard to find a therapist. Also, again, I'm going to talk about these guys, whatever the issues are with their internal company. Um, any port in a storm, better help, better helpcom Again, not a sponsor, uh, but these are companies.
Speaker 2:We're dealing with serious issues here when we're talking about mental health. We've been talking about mental health for a while. You know, go and find someone to help you out with it. They are there to help you. All of these therapists are there.
Speaker 1:That's why these resources exist is to help you, find someone to help you through the hard times. So if you're enjoying the content and you like hanging out with us, we like you and we're asking you don't forget to subscribe, join our awesome community. It's quick, it's easy and you'll never miss out on the latest videos. Hit that subscribe button now and let's grow together. The other part about hitting that like and subscribe button is you're not alone.
Speaker 1:Loneliness is a real big challenge. It is so. I don't mean that jokingly, but you're part of a community. In that aspect of this is we want to welcome you in. It's a growing community, so it's definitely there. But loneliness is a very serious issue and one that you know. When you're talking about body image, it's like we said, it's definitely there, but loneliness is a very serious issue and and one that you know when you're talking about body image, it's like we said it perpetuates that loneliness.
Speaker 1:You're choosing to be, you know, to kind of remove yourself from particular environments, or you know, you feel, you know, at the same time, you feel left out. You feel left out. Well, sometimes you're subjecting yourself to that. So it's, it's hard because you know you're, you're, you're afraid to go out. You're afraid because of whatever reason a judgment reason or a self perception reason so you isolate and you stay away from those. So now you're not, you're not included.
Speaker 1:You have that FOMO that happens, fear of missing out. So now you're not, you're not included. You have that FOMO that happens, fear of missing out. You maybe you're trying to explain what's going on, how you're feeling, and you're not really being. You feel like you're not really understood in those kinds of conversations. People don't get what you're going through in that and so there's kind of a disconnect from from the, the events and things that are that are around, even if you're in a crowded place, even if you're out, and you can still experience this in a kind of mental isolation that you're putting on yourself because you know, for whatever these other reasons, you know you don't have to physically be gone to emotionally withdraw from things.
Speaker 2:And emotional isolation is almost worse than physical isolation, because physical isolation is easy for other people to recognize. When you've got good friends, a good community, it's pretty easy to tell. They will be able to notice that you've suddenly isolated yourself, yeah, that you're no longer coming out. Um one one great example of this if you haven't seen the movie big Hero 6, when a hero goes through all of that emotional withdrawal and his friends are constantly trying to reach out to him and get him to come back to see them, that's a great example of how that physical isolation can be mitigated by the friends and people that you have. And so talking here about what are some of those signs and things is very important, not necessarily for the person we're talking to that's going through this, but for their friends.
Speaker 2:If you've got friends that you see these signs that people seem to be walking away from things or leaving the environments they were in, take note and step in, step up and say is everything okay? Emotional isolation you're still going to be involving yourself, you're still going to go places. It's a lot harder to recognize and that's where having really good friends and being a really good friend is important, because as that friend you can recognize those subtle differences in someone's attitude, in their engagement, to notice that emotional isolation in them and and recognize it sometimes in yourself. You may still be going places but just not have as much fun as you used to. Maybe you're not, you know, participating as much as you used to, and recognize that that is maybe not physical isolation, but that emotional isolation that it's important to recognize.
Speaker 1:Well, and I I think that you know we talked about it in when we're talking about body image, but it plays a big role in it as well. Social media can really amplify not only the body image issues but can amplify the loneliness you know to go, you know, maybe reinforcing that thinking someone else is having the time of their life. And you know you, you've chosen to exclude yourself from something going on. Maybe you're seeing on social media, your friends went live at a concert that they went to as all together. And you're like, I got invited to that and I turned it down because I'm dealing with whatever you know the issues that I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1:And you know, and I and I, I look online and I see that my friends are having an absolute blast and I'm like, oh man, like it's so hard because we've we, we now have this culture, that, that that cultivates um, living it out in, like on a camera, basically everyone's a reality TV show where they can be, and because of that they have, they can record and go live, even if their friends aren't there.
Speaker 1:You know, you're like, oh well, you could be there. In spirit, you're like, no, that's just rubbing my face in it. You know, and though it's a choice that I can make, it's a choice that also is something that I'm struggling with, that's, that's that's more forcing me to make that, you know, making me feel forced to make that choice, yeah, and then I compare myself to it to go like man. I need to try to pressure myself to be more like that, or to maybe just go on camera to pretend like I'm that way. Well, that's just going to reinforce how lonely you truly are. Like you know, it's going to feel lonelier because now it's a facade, you know, and all of that. Just again, we're we're talking about cyclical perpetuation. It's, it's going to happen. Those are big words.
Speaker 2:You got the big words this time.
Speaker 2:I got big words, but yeah, and and and. We talk about it being a choice to isolate yourself. And sometimes you feel forced into that choice and it can feel very forceful. You feel that you are ugly or that you are too fat or you just look weird or you walk weird or whatever these issues may be, and you feel like you have no choice but to choose, but to isolate yourself. But that in and of itself is a choice and again it feels forced on us. But recognizing that that's a choice that you're making is one of the first ways to be able to get out of that, Because then you choose to recognize yeah, I may not think I look the best, but other people aren't saying the same thing. I'm going to put myself out there and there are going to be crap people out there. There are a-holes out there.
Speaker 2:But, there are so many more people who are not. Those are the people that we need to surround ourselves with, but recognizing that, that isolation, that that you know, feeling that way about ourselves, we can feel that way about ourselves but not isolate ourselves. I mean, here we are two guys who have body image issues. I mean, I will talk about it in a little bit, but I don't know about you, but no, just kidding. Definitely you know I have issues and and that was humor deflection.
Speaker 1:That's all that was. I was trying to my kids give me a hard time about this all the time.
Speaker 2:I am seriously balding up here and some men are okay with it. I, I really, really, really. I'm ready to just bick my head because, yeah, because. I, I hate the look of my. I've had enough.
Speaker 1:I I.
Speaker 2:I hate going anywhere where people are going to be seeing me from above. It really is a big issue for me. Um, and some people may be saying, ah, balding, that's not a body image issue. It is, you know. Some people may be saying, ah, tiny, but that's not a body image issue. It is body image issues or anything that you feel extremely uncomfortable about your own image.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's different from person to person. Like you know, it doesn't matter what it is. You're right, it's to that individual. It isn't what someone else necessarily is. They might mention something and they're going to strike a nerve, but I am fat.
Speaker 2:I am not as fat as other people. I am fat. I am not as fat as other people and I carry it fairly well in some areas, not so great. But I feel very self-conscious about my weight and no matter what I do you know, obviously I'm exercising, eating right, all those things uh, I've reached a plateau on my weight loss, and so it is. You know, I feel very, very, extremely self-conscious about my weight, especially the weight back here, the back fat.
Speaker 1:Squats.
Speaker 2:Maybe there you go I don't know, but there are a lot of these things where, you know, we do have body image issues. Before we started recording today, adam was talking about a lot of the issues and a lot of what we're talking about today has come from some of the things that he's been talking to his therapist about and that self-image.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so you know, when we talk about these things, these are real issues that people deal with on a daily basis, that we deal with, real issues that people deal with on a daily basis, that we deal with. And you know, we recognize the hardships that come from this the isolation, the, the, the feelings of shame, all those things that come from body image issues. But you don't have to isolate yourself. We're here doing a podcast, you know, and I just bent over and showed everyone who's going to watch this my balding head that I have a serious issue with. And it is acceptance and recognition that you can choose to show these things to the world and not feel so bad about it. Will I ever watch this video? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:That's where it is, Guys. That's where the body image thing is.
Speaker 2:I actually don't watch any of our videos because I hate my voice. I hate hearing myself on our videos. I hate seeing myself on our videos. I cannot watch them. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It is too hard for me to watch our own videos. That's, that's the level of body image issues.
Speaker 1:Issues I think years ago I used to struggle with hearing my own voice and things like that, but I'm a recording artist, so like it's hard to I had to get over that, so it's it's one of those. But like I'm thinking about, I was like do you know how terrible it would be if we wanted to do a podcast but neither of us liked our voices? Like I never want to hear anything about it, I just want to see it prosper. You? That doesn't that. It doesn't work like that, you know but?
Speaker 2:but we're choosing to put ourselves out there and talk about these issues to hopefully give you the confidence and the ability to know that it's okay to have body image issues and that you can overcome it, that it doesn't have to mean you're isolating yourself no, it doesn't mean you go do a podcast but you can still talk to people about these things and know that it doesn't have to control you and the way that you live your life, and I can assure you that a podcast will reinforce the loneliness.
Speaker 1:Why? Because as soon as you put it all out there, no one is going to listen to it. Soon as you put it all out there, no one is going to listen to it. So you're going to spend a lot of effort trying to get a few people to listen to it and watch it, and that, that, even that. That reinforces how lonely that that is. So you can sit in a box and stare at a camera and talk to it until you're blue in the face. You can be the only one there. Do all the production, put it onto a YouTube channel and you're still by yourself. So to answer that, don't do a podcast. Here are some ideas, though.
Speaker 1:Engage or identify ways of meaningful connections. To make meaningful connections, whether that's reaching out by phone, face-to-face interactions with people Um, you know those sorts of things, uh, I would even say like, if you have neighbors, you live in a neighborhood and, like you know, get some cookies from the some toll house cookies from the store and take it to your neighbor on a plate and be like hey, look, I made some cookies. Whatever, like, whatever it is. Find some of those ways you know here in our community, one of the things that is interesting is if you were walking down the street or out in front of you know your house, where you live, and cars are going by, if you wave, everyone will wave at you. It's, I think it's part of the culture that's here. But, yeah, joe doesn't wave at anyone though, so it's not his thing. I'm a Californian, but here in Utah, like people will go out of their way to wave at you, even if they're like super intense, they're like lifting a tractor tire, and they'll be like hold on, I'm going to hold it with my shoulder so I can wave at this person. You know I'm like well, why? Why, that's not necessary. I know you, you're good, but just that common, that like a little bit of a connection there like starts with that. And then you know, like your friends, if you have somebody on your on your phone, that maybe you can send a text message to hey thinking of you, those kinds of things. Or if it, if it's really you're craving that, immediately call someone. And just keep calling people that you know until someone answers and says, hey, you got a second, so I want to check in see how you're doing. Those are things that will naturally lift up those spirits in the effort of doing so. And you know, once you do get that connection with somebody, it's just a good. That's that person-person-human meaningful connection.
Speaker 1:The other thing is social media sucks. It is a drain, literally, and it will drain. All of the conceptions about what you think you are are all misled, primarily. Yes, there's lots of good advice, there's lots of different things, lots of help and helpful people, good and well intended. We're technically on, you know, an influencer social media style platform and you know so. Our goal is not to mislead or not to misrepresent anything whatsoever and bring real world things to this. But sometimes even that needs to be limited so that you're getting real world experiences. Going on a walk, if that's too difficult, you know standing outside and getting fresh air you know, like, short of a forest fire nearby, most places are going to have some decent fresh air. So getting some of that, getting some sunlight, vitamin D, is really really good for you. So all of those things are very helpful.
Speaker 1:And then maybe another idea is to go volunteer, join a group that really kind of fosters connection, whether that's a board game club like something like that I do, I'm involved in something called rec therapy with the VA. I do, I'm involved in something called rec therapy with the VA and little. It literally is there to kind of pull people out of their little isolation bubbles. You know, there's individuals I talked to there that are like, yeah, my doctor said that I just read too many books and I don't talk to actually people and so I go on nature walks. Those nature walks are so cool. Like I'm like I should be doing a lot more and I do.
Speaker 1:I do other things, but those nature walks are one of my favorite because we just go, we talk about what we're looking forward to get some fresh air, go on a walk, talk about military stuff and at the end we talk about what we got from that and it, it. It doesn't shove you into like those those good connections. It just allows you to to make a connection really naturally, because you're all there, kind of a little out of your comfort zone, meeting some strangers, but there's no pressure about like you have to do this, you got to wear this kind of makeup, you got to do this, you got to walk a certain way, you got to talk a certain way. None of it. There's no judgment there. It's some of the best times I've ever had with the VA and with veterans yeah.
Speaker 2:And so locally here. So one of my daughters was having some issues with you know, she was out of school, didn't know how to make new friends, didn't have a very big social network, and so we were talking one night about you know what kinds of hobbies do you have, what kinds of things are you interested in? And I didn't know this about her, um, but she really love, loves dnd, uh, dungeons and dragons, and so I'm like, great, I know exactly where to help you with this. Uh, not because I'm into dnd, but because I know a lot of people who are, and there's a local game shop. I'm going to name drop a mythos for anyone here in Utah that happens to be around. I'm not a sponsor, but they do.
Speaker 2:Every night of the week they have two or three events going on, so they'll have a board game night. They've got a general D and D night. They've got an LGBTQ plus, uh, women's D and D game night. They've got something. They've got like three or four different types of D and D or different uh card game nights, and it's an effort to bring people as part of the community together. You know they don't, you don't pay to go to these things. They, you. You're not paying these guys to use their facilities for these nights. They just it's just an opportunity for a bunch of people to get together, um, and so that was great for her. She made a lot of new friends with that that were um, saw the world the same way, also interested in dnd and those kinds of things, and it was great opportunity for her to make new friends as well as, from there, make friends of friends and find new groups, uh.
Speaker 2:Another one I'm going to mention is uh uh called event bright, so I don't know if this is everywhere. Again, not a sponsor, uh, but you can go on there and you people will post events that are going on and it's wide ranging. I. Some of it's like business, motivational, speaking type events or you know, come and make little bird crafts. You know it's so wide ranging. On that, it was great because that's one of the sites that we went for her as well to try to find some activities that she could be interested in and meet new people and things like that where there's a common interest. And there are a lot of other sites like that where you can find local activities to do things with people that see the world the same way as you and you don't have to feel as stressed because you know they share an interest with you. And that makes a big difference to be able to avoid that isolation and that loneliness. I difference to be able to avoid that isolation and that loneliness.
Speaker 1:I think what's good about that is it's a really light way of of trying to introduce some of those connections, rather than it being such an intense like worried about such a crowd or worried about this or what to wear. It's just a really nonjudgmental environment that subtly gets you, you know, oftentimes craving that interaction, you know, so that you're looking forward to the next time you connect, you know. So that's that's a really good, positive impact and I, I like that, you know, I, I pursue that personally, like I said, and it's it's I would encourage that for anyone is, you know, to really seek out those little things because they're really a way to also decompress. You don't have to, you know, be be in work mode or, you know, be in home dynamic mode. It's just you get to let all your walls down, kind of a thing Guys, life is. You know life's stress and anxiety can feel overwhelming. But what if you could rewire your brain to handle it differently?
Speaker 1:Introducing NeuroWarrior, it's a series of meditation and visualization techniques designed to guide you through neural remapping or redirection. So imagine walking through your mind, turning anxiety triggers into moments of calm and clarity. Neurowarrior isn't a replacement for therapy, of course, but an enhancement. So it's tools that everyone can benefit from to master their mental well-being. So start your journey today and unlock your warrior within that's NeuroWarriorco NeuroWarriorco to check that out, in that's neurowarriorco, neurowarriorco, to check that out. The last thing I think that we can really cover today is, you know, we talked about making those connections outside, so you're breaking down some of the barriers about, like loneliness effectively, but that body image part is so crucial on, you know, not just yourself and and time and care for yourself, but also that interaction with other people to really become to know your value, to to determine your value, that that barometer or meter is is going to be, you know, reinforced by, by how how your relationships are formed.
Speaker 1:And you know, I, I think some of the, some of the questions we can ask ourselves. So, like body positivity, that's it's, it's something I think people are throwing, throw around a lot, you know, throw it around like, oh, I mean, like this is a bandaid body. Body positivity. You're like, yeah, but you realize the it around like, oh, like this is a bandaid body positivity. You're like, yeah, but you realize the fact that, like some people, that's not a bandaid, that's a mountain to climb and if we don't look at it that way, then you know you're discounting a large majority of people who struggle with the idea of body positivity.
Speaker 1:I admitted at the beginning of the episode that is a hurdle for me, you know, and you know, focus on what your body can do rather than just how it looks. So, uh, I can say this, so I I'm going to use myself. I can pick on myself about this. I am big and you know, and I I'm I'm usually told I am big, okay, by people who are scared of me when I stand up. So oftentimes I try to have really serious conversations sitting. Why? Because at least I can neutralize that my voice carries. So that's the other scary part.
Speaker 1:But but as far as this, it's like, okay, that that also means that I'm strong. That means that when it comes to needing to take care of something, I, I, I have the strength behind that to protect, so I do security If something happens, I don't run away from an issue, I run into it. Why? Because I know I can take a punch in the face that I just recently got punched by a little football player. Yeah, it was my fault, but you know, accidental. His hand came and smacked me in the face and he had a helmet on and I did not.
Speaker 1:So but I can take that it's not something that's just going to knock me over, it's not something that's going to be so. So strength wise for me is something I can say positive, I am strong and and because of that I I can also be brave in scary things, you know. And so that's just. I guess it's. It's it's trying to find those moments of of things and focus, even if it's just a little bit focus on, you know, what you can do, rather than how I. You know I might try to be Hollywood fat, but you know, truth is is it's hard for me to accept it.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite actors and martial artists is a man by the name of Sammo Hung, and if you look up Sammo Hung, he is a very, very large man. He had an illness, I think in his teens or early 20s, that caused him to put on a serious amount of weight, uh, but that never stopped him from being a phenomenal martial artist. Uh, most of the times we think of martial art, martial artists, we think of Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee, these really skinny, fast moving individuals, yeah, but Samuel hung very, very, very big guy, very big guy, and he can move just as fast and just as well as anyone else. And and his weight no matter how much of an art martial artist he was. But you can imagine those of you who know martial arts know how much practice goes into this that it he couldn't lose the weight and he was just as effective as anyone else.
Speaker 1:So I trained jujitsu and one of the people that I I wasn't compared to him, but they used him as an example because I always I thought it was like I gotta lose weight, I gotta be better at this, like because my weight against all these other people, I'm just going to hurt them. So I, oftentimes, when I'm training, I'm self-conscious of that. Again, body image, you know. But that means that I'm usually propping myself with one of my arms or legs or something, so I'm offsetting the weight that I do have so that I don't crush my opponent okay, that I do have so that I don't crush my opponent, okay, which makes them have an advantage because I have one less, you know, arm or leg or whatever, and because I'm trying to offset my weight, I it also reduces my form, so that my technique is bad, it's wrong. Why? Because it's not the full force of what I can do, and so I'm always compensating that that's not a good technique.
Speaker 1:Well, this this other guy in this I was referred to in jujitsu His name is Big Mac, I can't remember his actual name is a Brazilian jujitsu fighter from Brazil, and this dude is massive, probably well over 500 pounds, is massive, probably well over 500 pounds and he is a like four or five stripe white belt or black belt black belt okay. So to get to black belt, uh, you know, like there's a reason why they say jujitsu is for everyone, because it literally is for everyone. There's no limitation to it in the sense. Like, obviously, martial arts generally speaking, yeah, if you know how to practice the techniques in within that particular uh, uh modality, I guess that's the best way I can say it.
Speaker 1:Um, or art form, uh, then that's, that's, that's a big that, that becoming a master to that, as part of that, that trade. And it's not weight limit, it's not bound by physical. I mean there are, there are black belts who don't have particular parts of their body, you know, and they're, they're like I wouldn't want to go up against them, they would whoop me. So I mean, like that's, that's one of the things. That's just kind of looking at it and going, well, what do I have?
Speaker 2:that's good Finding something, even if it's just one thing that you are positive about. Most people, most people, have at least one thing that they are positive about. For me, it's my eyes. You know, I hate my balding head. I used to have luscious, flowing locks. I loved my hair. Now I'm losing it all. I just I hate the image, but my eyes. Everyone talks about how amazing my eyes are. You can't see it in the camera, but I have gorgeous eyelashes gorgeous eyelashes. I also really like my eyes because they change color. I know people say they don't. My eyes actually do change color mine do uh color too and so I go.
Speaker 1:I go from like a poop brown to like a pea soup green.
Speaker 2:There you go I go from a dark, gray, blue, green, brown that's the whole spectrum of eye colors there, and it's. Those are things that I really like about myself. So when I'm feeling down, I just remind myself no one is going to beat my eyelashes or my eyes. I've got fabulous eyes.
Speaker 1:And one of the things is self self-compassion, and I shared with Joe earlier about this that I was asked to write myself a letter of self-compassion and I just didn't feel like. You know, like immediately the walls went up and said no, I can't, I don't feel like that's, I don't feel like I'm worth it. I don't feel like that's, I don't feel like I'm worth it. And so, you know, then it's going okay. Well, the logical reasoning with that is to say, well, does your family deserve compassion? Yes, you know, like, would you say something positive and reinforcing about them? You know that's compassion and you're like, yeah, absolutely. And then they, you know the flip is well then, why don't you deserve that? And I go like it has to do with a lot deeper things inside of me, but it's an ingrained, you know, complex trauma sort of element that that really has made that the challenge. So when I hear self compassion, I don't have any for myself. That's my struggle. So, you know, in talking to my therapist is one of the conversations I had is well then, let's start with rationing that. So, you know, if I was to write 10 things about another person, whether it's your friends, your family, kids, whoever it is people who are around you that you value, you know, write 10 things, but before you get to the last one, write one thing about you, so you get that's 10%. That's rationing, that self-compassion letter.
Speaker 1:Then the next time you write 10 things right, two about you, and so on and so forth. You're kind of ranking this up so that you're getting a moment. It's not this, I don't want a whole page Me. The thought of a letter is just absolutely terrifying, going like dear me, you are, and then it's all downhill from there, you know, and so I, I don't, I, I just I can't do it, but I think that I can. If it's. I'm going to talk good things about my friends, the people that I love, that I care about, and and then I'm going to sprinkle in something positive about myself, and then the next time I'm going to sprinkle in something positive about myself, and then the next time I'm going to sprinkle in a little bit more, and so on and so forth. You're just kind of incrementally building that up so that you identify then, and even there that is awesome Positive self-compassion, right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just know you know you're not alone here. We are two heavy guys sitting on the internet doing a podcast, hopefully reaching someone, our one viewer, our one listener uh, that I mean few might be relatives, but uh. But just know that you know you can talk about this kind of stuff, you can bring this stuff up and there is something that you can be positive about. It doesn't matter if it's your eyes, it doesn't matter if it's your hair, if you hate everything else about yourself, but you really like the way that your fingernails look. That is what you need to latch on to. That's yours. That that is you. No one can take away how you feel about your fingernails. You've got the best fingernails of anyone you've ever seen. That's what you've got.
Speaker 1:Doesn't matter what it is. I can't wait to edit this.
Speaker 2:Does not matter. You find that one thing that you are so proud about yourself. You could hate everything else about you Find that one thing, and no one can take that away from you. And the more that you think about those positives and recognize that you have something that you're proud of, you'll find something else, just like Adam was talking about, where, at first, just write one thing and then the next time it's two things, you will find more and more and more about those. And and as you share this with others which is the next one, you know, building those supportive networks, building those groups of people where they are supporting you as you share this with them, they will in turn support you in that.
Speaker 1:And if they don't, kick them to the curb. Yeah, they're not part of that community.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're a-holes. We're going to come up with a shirt with this one.
Speaker 1:There's a whole other community for that.
Speaker 2:We've got scammers or skid marks, shirts, so now we're going to do something with a-holes there. Why do we go that A-holes?
Speaker 1:aren't friends.
Speaker 2:There you go, we'll find something, but kick them to the curb because there are so many people in this world that are positive people, are good people and they're not going to treat you that way. A lot of times we get really unlucky and we find all the negative people in the world and we stop looking for new people to connect with because we just think everyone's going to be like that, because everyone has been. But let me tell you that, no matter how many times you find bad people in the world who are just negative and rotten, you will find good and positive people that support you and look out for you and will build upon your positive view of your fingernails.
Speaker 1:So sometimes you can't avoid it. Sometimes negativity or negative individuals might be something that's surrounding. Maybe you work in a workplace that somebody is that way, or maybe you have a family member that you really you know like I would say this like, even if you have a family member or a friendship and they're just kind of negative, they're not like terrible, they're not a whole level, okay, like those are great A, you know, great a holes, but but you have somebody who's just like come on, man, like you know, like you, just you like them. But you know I would say like, poison them with positivity. You know like, just sprinkle it I like that, the word kill them with kindness, sort of thing, just do that and and help that like diffuse the idea that this person has any power in that. Um, but but honestly, at the same time is having some clear boundaries to go like look, if you're this negative, I can handle it, but if you're this negative, we're not friends, we're not, we're not associating, I don't want you. And if that's a work environment that just creates that too much, maybe that's not the work environment for you. You know like those are important things to consider in the sense of you know setting some appropriate boundaries for yourself so that you know, like this is, as far as I can take it, I can, you know, kill this person with kindness in. You know this negative person or whatever it is, but you know the reason why is because we want to. We don't want those negative individuals or negative situations to be something that reinforces that harmful body image issue and you know any of those ideals that's, that's something that you know is is going to kind of push back, you know, push you backwards, and you know we're talking about things that we want to move forward with this.
Speaker 1:You know bringing, finding things that bring joy and you know doing things that, that, that that just kind of bring a smile to your face, that bring that positive surrounding yourself by positive people, um, and, and honestly, like I I sound like a life coach and like I'm doing a seminar, but that's the truth Like it's it. It's really it's it's really a simple recipe when it comes down to seeking out some great environments where you're going to realize most of these people will reciprocate, they're going to return that positivity right back to you. So you know, in summary, like body image and loneliness, they're common. It happens there's a lot of things that that influence negatively towards that. But you know, if it is something you know, like I, I want to. I want to encourage, like seek, help, stay connected, get connected in communities, find somebody who you can talk with regular and set something down. So you have you. You you can count on the fact you're going to meet every week for coffee or cocoa or whatever it is and just unload and have a sounding board to talk about life together.
Speaker 1:You guys both have that opportunity, you both benefit from those kinds of things and then, honestly, like, for me, that's probably the biggest thing is that you know, this week, from last week to this week, being challenged to write myself a letter of self-compassion and and really having to put thought into it and protesting it, I, I recognize and identify so much of this.
Speaker 1:That's just like, uh, you know I, yeah, it's me. I may not look in the mirror and just be like like this, but there are so many things mentally that I am just on attack inside of my head about me and I'm I'm my own worst enemy in so many different ways. But yet coming to terms with the reality of going like everything makes absolute common sense. And and yet, if I don't put it in action, I'm just throwing dirt on where I'm buried. You know, and so I. It's really, really important for you know me personally to take what I'm talking about today. As I got to accept myself more more often, I gotta, I gotta look at myself and be more compassionate about the, the successes, the things that I've done well and go, yeah, yeah, I, I am a winner. People do like me, you know like, but that's true, it really is the truth, I think.
Speaker 2:And and if you're the kind of person that goes out there and makes rude and stupid comments oh, they're so ugly, they're fat. Oh, they've got this. Oh, they've got that, their teeth are weird, their hair is weird If you're that kind of person, you're an a-hole.
Speaker 1:Don't be an a-hole. We've reached the end of our show for today.
Speaker 2:All right, we are going to end on a little bit of a positive. All right, all right. Yeah, yeah, we got to do our dad joke. Okay, how many famous men and women were born on the 4th of July?
Speaker 1:I. How long has the 4th of July been around Like?
Speaker 2:I don't know None, only babies.
Speaker 1:Oh terrible. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Don't forget to like and subscribe to our channel and leave us a comment or two. Let us know what you think. Life's too short, so keep laughing and learning and remember idiots have way more fun Check your shoes.