The Idiots Guide
Sometimes it's about "ADULTING" enough for the day, and other times it's about Keeping a job, Feeding the family, Educating the kids, and Buying the stuff.
Most of us were taught how to read, write, and math good.
But never taught how to file taxes, change a tire, or cook a meal.
How in the world have we survived?
Well, have no fear, the Idiots are here to guide you.
We don't know much more about all the stuff but we might be just a little further down the road than you.
Make no mistake, most of our advice is more like don't try this at home.
Hope it helps!
The Idiots Guide
Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care & Compassion
What if self-care is the ultimate form of self-compassion we owe ourselves but continually neglect? Join Adam Richardson, the Profit Hacker, and Joe Haslam as we unravel the intricate relationship between self-care and mental health. Through candid personal stories, we redefine self-care beyond conventional spa days, exploring it as essential acts of kindness towards ourselves that can include simple joys like gaming or cooking.
Throughout our conversation, we dissect the barriers that make self-compassion elusive, particularly the negative self-talk and fear of failure that often dominate our internal dialogues. By sharing personal anecdotes and practical strategies, we shed light on how redirecting the care we naturally offer others toward ourselves can be transformative. The episode delves into the importance of acknowledging and overcoming thought distortions, enabling listeners to cultivate a more compassionate mindset.
As we navigate the nuances of self-compassion, we emphasize a community-supported journey towards personal growth. From mindfulness tools to therapy, we discuss the small, impactful steps that can lead to significant changes in mental well-being. Whether you're struggling with self-esteem or simply seeking a more compassionate way to live, this episode offers insights and encouragement for fostering a kinder relationship with oneself.
Today on the Idiot's Guide, we are diving into two of the most underrated superheroes in the mental health universe self-care and self-compassion. Now, I know what you're thinking. Great, we're going to hear motivational quotes and have bubble baths and all that fun jazz. But hear me out Self-care is so much more than pampering yourself and getting your nails did, and self-compassion, well, that's basically learning to be your own best friend when you need it most. So let's explore how taking care of yourself doesn't have to be hard, and being kind to yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. I'm your host, adam Richardson, aka the Profit Hacker, and I'm joined by the man in charge, mr Joe Haslam. Welcome to the Idiot's Guide.
Speaker 1:So all week this week, as I was planning to do this episode, I have had a wonderful feeling of not wanting to do this episode, and it's not like well, it is like it's stress, it's anxiety and it's stress in a way that's not like man. I'm stressed because I'm late and I'm driving in traffic. It might feel the same sometimes, it might be something of a similar tone to it, but something about it is like I feel like my entire person rejects this in my own personal life, and so it's hard for me to admit. But right out of the gate, I'll admit this I am terrible at self-care and compassion, you know. Because you know and I'm not, I don't want to go into my own demons in this or the things that are thought distortions in my own head, because I don't want to amplify anyone else's thought distortions that may be struggling with this else's thought distortions that may be struggling with this. But I'll admit and and I and agree with you, they're thought distortions and they're lies that my mind tells myself in order to validate the reason why I have no self-care and no self-compassion. And so it's.
Speaker 1:It's a really tough situation that I've been working years to try to get out of, but it's not easy, admittedly, and so I don't feel qualified to have this podcast episode, but, as I was assured by Joe here today that that makes me even more qualified to have this conversation today. So, um, I, I like I'm going to do my part to try to go off of what, what we have as far as a guide, but let's, let's kind of define some points of what is, you know, what is self-care, what's self-compassion? If we were just to kind of give it a sentence on each one. Do you want to try that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean. So when you're talking about self-care, self-compassion, these are the ideas that you are caring for yourself. So think about if you are caring for someone else. Caring for someone else so caring for a friend who's sick, or even a child who's sick, or caring for your elderly parents what are the things that you're doing? You know you're helping them with whatever's going on, making them a meal, doing something for them. So that's caring for someone, and self-care is doing those things for yourself. When you have a bad day, do something for yourself. You know it. Make yourself a bowl of soup.
Speaker 2:You know, rarely do I talk about my therapy sessions in these. Yeah, I mean, but uh, months ago, uh, I was going through some uh things and one thing that I don't like to do, one thing that I generally don't do, is eat out. I don't eat fast food, you know I. I cook my own food. Uh, we've talked about, you know I have to be on special diets and whatnot. So I cook my own food. But when I'm feeling really down, I go out and I get some fast food because it's quick, it's tasty, it hits all of the neurotransmitter buttons to make you feel better.
Speaker 1:Just a nice swift kick in the side while you're down, I'm like, but I can't think of anything worse but then I always feel bad about having gone out and eaten. Yeah, see what I mean.
Speaker 2:Because then you feel I feel worse after kind of feel worse after Greasy whatever.
Speaker 1:Maybe if you went out and got fast food and it was like I'll just get a salad.
Speaker 2:You're not going to do that.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get like a triple cheeseburger. Maybe not you know but the idea you're like if I'm going to blow this, I'm blowing it.
Speaker 2:And so it's just one of those things where it's. And I was talking to my therapist about that and I said, you know it's, I just feel bad doing that kind of stuff. I just feel bad doing that kind of stuff. And he made me stop and recognize that's something that when you're down, when you feel that way, it's okay to do. That when you're taking someone say someone has the flu or something, you take them a bowl of soup, you take them cookies. You're not taking them the most healthy things in the world, You're taking them things to help them feel better, Right.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily get better, just feel better. On some people it's a tub of ice cream, exactly. I'm not really a dessert person, I'm a foodie, so I like, like, if it's a really good bowl of spaghetti, oh man, that's better than that's. That's better than any ice cream I'm going to have, or cake Cause. That's just who I am.
Speaker 2:And so when you start to recognize that you so, like I said, I rarely go out to eat. I mean, if I'm really busy at the office maybe I'll go and get some fast food, just because I don't have time to go home and make food or anything. But I rarely go out to eat. But the times when I do go out to eat, when I'm feeling low or things aren't just going right, I have to recognize that those are not just me splurging or being selfish or giving into things. That's actually me taking care of myself and that's self-care. The other side of that is self-compassion. So self-compassion is when you have compassion for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So this is easy to do for others. We kind of talked to this a little bit, I think, last episode, writing letters to yourself and things like that, the self-compassion Kind of an encouragement side of it, yeah. When you see someone who has tripped or fallen over on the street, your first instinct isn't to necessarily laugh at them or tell them oh, you're so horrible. Your first instinct is to rush over and see if they need any help.
Speaker 1:Yeah, once that's done, ask if they're okay. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Ask if they're okay. Make sure everything's done. Afterwards you may laugh about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, cause laughter is the best medicine, but afterwards you may laugh about it with them, but at first you're going to make sure they're okay, yeah, and then it becomes something that you can joke about in time. So showing that kind of compassion can then you need to show that to yourself when you mess up. We all mess up. We're humans. Yeah, we're not perfect in any by any stretch of the imagination. We're not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. When we mess up, it's important to show ourselves compassion, make sure we're okay, Make sure everything's done, and then laugh about it with ourselves, because you know, sometimes it's funny and you can laugh about it, and so that's something where you have to be able to show yourself that kind of compassion. And that's what self-care, self-compassion is. It's not bubble baths and inspirational quotes. No.
Speaker 1:So let's drill a little deeper on each one of these. Give first an opportunity to just understand a little bit more of the self-care aspect and, I think, drawing the distinction of, when we talk about self-care, we kind of what you talked about like you know you're allowing yourself some things that you would normally not, you know you would not give, you give you up, like I'm going to go eat fast food today or I'm going to go on a, I want to go on a hike, if that's, if you're an outdoorsy kind of person or whatever it is. You know just different things. But it's not necessarily defined as a physical health practice, or it's it's, it's more of an emotional and mental wellbeing practice. But but thinking about it in the sense of going, it's not. But but thinking about it in the sense of going, it's not. It doesn't exclude things like physical health in in, like going on a walk right, um, getting fresh air oftentimes in in, you know, inspires those endorphins, gets, gets that happening, and even just a, a small walk can do that. But but things like that can happen by if you like playing video games and you want to do that, or if you eat food, you get the same thing.
Speaker 1:So things that bring a uh, an element of, I would say, joy, or seeking an element of kind of neutral, neutralizing, like the level of stress you're on, whether that's food, whether that's you know, whether that's physical activity, whether that's meditations, whether that's uh, you know, watching, uh, watching a movie or a favorite TV show that you'll love, you get sucked into someone else's drama for a minute, but, um, you know, all of those things are stress relievers.
Speaker 1:Is is essentially, and you're pursuing that for yourself because you're trying, you're not going like man, I want to watch this show because you need to decompress. You're like, no, you're looking at this, going like I like playing video games because it it helps me to get out of the mess that I'm, that I feel like I'm in constantly, and so you know I but, but I like none of that stuff is off the table in the sense of you know there's not, there's not one wrong thing, there's not a wrong thing you can do, yeah, and I think I think one of the big things about self-care is it's easy to recognize when you're caring for others.
Speaker 2:You know you. You make them a meal, you go and sit and talk with them. If they're having an emotionally hard day, you listen to them. If they are having a physically hard day, you go and help them make dinner. If they're having a mentally hard day, you can lift some of that burden off of them by helping them with the tasks that they're doing. You know there are a lot of different ways that you help others, but we rarely look at how to turn that on ourselves to practice that self-care. You know the internet and the world have, you know, changed self-care into take a bubble bath. That's not self-care. I mean, for someone it may be, but that's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Joe, don't take that away from someone I won't take away your bubble baths, adam.
Speaker 2:You can have as many of those as you want. This does not fit in the tub, but the idea that that's you know the best way or the only way to practice self-care is really raw. There are so many ways to practice self-care, just like there are so many ways to practice outward care. And so allowing yourself the time to have the internal dialogue with yourself about everything that happened and not having someone interrupt you. You know, if you, if and again, if you are talking with someone else, if they're having a really bad day, and you're sitting down and you're talking to them and you're helping them through to understand what's going on and and uh, work through all the issues, and then someone walks in and just starts talking to you about, you know, uh, the baseball game. That's horrible. That disrupts that entire communication that you are having the same thing when you're having your own internal dialogue. Other people need to allow you that space and time to be able to work through that, even if it's with just yourself.
Speaker 2:And one thing that works really well for me for self-care is actually caring for others, and so I love to cook, and so actually making meals or making treats or anything like that when I'm super stressed, allows me to do that, partly because when I'm cooking, I'm not thinking, and so I'm just making the same thing that I make all the time. I'm just making it for someone else, and so it allows my brain to process everything that's going on. And I think deeply about this. Have the internal dialogues, you know, have all these things where I'm actually looking at how am I caring for myself while I am caring for others? Yeah, and so it's a really great thing for me to be able to have that. Now, that's not always the case. If I'm really tired, yeah, I'm sitting down on my chair and I'm playing my video games Because, honestly, that really really helps and that's a version of self-care, you know.
Speaker 1:And again, if you've got a kid, if my wife listens to this, video games is a version of self-care.
Speaker 2:Yes and remember everything has to be within reason. You can't spend 10 hours playing video games and call that self-care. I am self-caring.
Speaker 1:I know I haven't used the bathroom in 13 hours.
Speaker 2:That becomes not self-care.
Speaker 1:Hand me the power cord. My controller is about to die.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I mean, if you've got a kid who's had a really, really rough day and let's say they're getting bullied at school or they've got a bad grade on a test or anything like that, as a parent you're not going to go over there and berate them for trying to self-care. You know they're playing a video game or anything like that. That's you showing them, you caring for them. You're going to do something for them. You're going to make their lunch, you're going to make them cookies. You're going to do something to help them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But yet when we do it for ourselves, we suddenly think that this is not allowed.
Speaker 1:But I think you know, like we said, there's this for hours on end and think it's still self-care. You know, at that point you could be developing a bad habit, you know, and that's going to eventually become something that's harmful, and you might cycle back into a lack of self-care, a lack of self-compassion, because now you have an unhealthy habit you have to break, you know. So all of these things are important to do. But also like, if it's something that you know, like I said admittedly it's hard for me to say, like I'm, you know that I feel like I deserve this kind of a thing. I spend a lot of time. But if I think about it, that that I feel like I deserve this kind of a thing, I spend a lot of time.
Speaker 1:But I, if I think about it, like I like cooking too, and if I you know, I was recently challenged to not check out when I cook, and I think that's probably the most difficult part of it is when I check out during cooking. It's a place that I can just kind of be and not have everything going on. Well, my family has kind of interpreted that as me being angry or me being like I'm trying to go through something, so leave him alone, sort of a thing. And what the reality is is I'm literally just trying to shut that off so that I can take care of this while I'm taking care of getting my family fed, and you know it's so. So what they're seeing isn't necessarily true, but let's say, you know, this is something that that is difficult for you to identify, something that you you don't, you don't really know what is a good level of self-care or what could be self-care. Um, find some things like look up maybe some hobbies or taking just small breaks, breathing exercises, um, you know. But but the other thing is just kind of, instead of like man, we're doing a whole vacation to, you know, to, to Hawaii, you're like that's that sounds tremendously stressful, that adds to the stress. That's not self-care. I'm like that's not self-care.
Speaker 1:But going on a walk up and down the block, or, you know, if walking is a challenge, if something in the physical sphere of that is difficult, finding those things to, you know, even if it's an app on your phone, like a game app that you like to do, that just kind of, you know isn't going to bombard you with commercials or whatever advertisements and things like that, but you can, you know, play Candy Crush for a certain amount of time, whatever it is. You know, like that, like different things, there's lots of elements. Read a book, you know. Give yourself an opportunity to kind of take that break where you can disconnect from the different. You know stresses and anxieties and things that we are pretty much subjected to all day long, every day. You know stresses and anxieties and things that we've, we are pretty much subjected to all day long, every day. You know.
Speaker 2:And I think one really great tool, uh to do with this is cause. This is easy to identify how do you care for others? So when you notice that you're doing something for someone else uh, if you've got kids or a spouse or a partner or anything like that if you've got kids or a spouse or a partner or anything like that you write down when you provide an act of care. Yeah, and then you'll have a huge list that you can then go back to and say, okay, I can choose from any one of these things because I'm good at showing care through these kinds of activities, because everyone's different, and so you see what you are good at in caring for others, and then just pick a few of those and turn them inward on yourself to show yourself that kind of care. And that's where you're going to be able to probably find the easiest and best way to be able to mimic those outward caring behaviors and turn them inward on a daily basis those outward caring behaviors and turn them inward on a daily basis.
Speaker 1:And that slow habit, uh, you know, and that, like the, the little bit at a time, adds up and and you, you start developing a better, uh, a better mental health, uh, routine for you know, at least attention to that mental health over over that time.
Speaker 1:So, you know, just just do small baby steps, um, and, and allow yourself that time to be able to, um, decompress, kind of, just brush things off and uh, and then, you know, it gives you an opportunity to then check back in and face whatever's going on, with a little bit more, I believe, clear headedness maybe, but, um, hey guys, if you like what you're listening to, like and subscribe, leave a comment or two. We'd like to hear from you, our listener, if this stuff is valuable and helpful uh, you know, helpful to you, and that that helps us get this in front of other viewers. If you're watching this, if you like it, it gets us, uh, it gets us the points with, uh, this, if you like it, it gets us, uh, it gets us the points with, uh, the YouTube overlords, um, that, uh, that allow us to be on their platform, that, uh, we want to be able to show this to other people. So you know, don't forget to hit those, those like and subscribe buttons and leave comments.
Speaker 2:Comments help other people to know that there's engagement on these videos, so leave comments as well yep, so okay, self-compassion.
Speaker 1:I'm I suck at this. I uh. I was having a conversation with my wife this morning about the fact that I don't have self-compassion, about giving myself self-compassion. So because, yeah, like it's so deep, like it's driving me nuts, the meta cycle downward of self-compassion.
Speaker 1:So the suggestion was, you know, spend some time. I was challenged the other week to write a letter of self-compassion and I had an overwhelming sense of dread. I couldn't fathom that concept. And some people are, you know, like, even for my wife she goes through therapy and she's like, oh yeah, like logical arguments, plenty of logical arguments, plenty of things to think about to say like man, like you, you do this and like you, you, you, you have compassion for other people, you give them encouragement and you believe in them and you empower them to do things.
Speaker 1:Like what makes it so? You don't deserve that, you know, and I'm like, I don't necessarily disagree with the fact that I don't deserve it, I just don't deserve it from me. And so, like me, coming from that stems from a lot of different reasons. You know, from a lot of different input, from from my life, that that really has said like man, you, you know, if you do this, you're prideful, so that's an act of pride against yourself. Like, okay, well, that's, you know. So you're condemned if you do that. Like okay, well, then, like I don't deserve this because I, you know, whatever reason, like, I grew up in an environment that really just said I wasn't a successful person.
Speaker 1:I failed a lot, and so struggle with the idea and the concept of failure and it's difficult because it's of failure and it's it's difficult because it's. I know that those things aren't true, but those things are so deep rutted that that it's hard to just break away and go like, oh, yeah, casually, sure, yeah, I can, like it's easy to say, write yourself a letter of compassion. You know, self-compassion, I'm like I, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. And I know that, like in the idea of self-compassion, I'm dismantling it for myself. But it literally is this challenge that my wife said yeah, just spend 30 minutes writing in a journal. And I'm like you don't realize how difficult it is. Like I have dread thinking about 30 minutes of time that I have to take away from somewhere, which means something else fails, while I'm trying to be self-compassionate about myself. You know, I'm like I am not self-compassionate about writing a letter about my self-compassion. I, I'm, I'm just not there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now there's a lot of things that you said in there. There are some neurocognitive processes that go on that force us to look at the negative, and that's because when you go throughout the day, your brain has a certain set of behaviors that are pre-programmed into it that allow us to survive. We've talked a little bit on past episodes about the neurocognitive process. Yeah, five, we've talked a little bit on past episodes about the neurocognitive process. But the reason and a lot of therapists talk about this, a lot of people talk about this how we always focus on the negative things.
Speaker 2:Now, neurocognitively, that's because the positive things, the good things, worked, so there's nothing that needs to be changed. So we don't think about those that needs to be changed, so we don't think about those. But if we did something that didn't work, now the brain has to go back and rework that existing neural pathway to come up with a new one so that next time it does work. And because there's all these extra processes that go on with a process that doesn't work now, it is more in our thinking process and so that's why our brains tend to focus so much on the negative things that happen. Because it's a negative, it didn't work, so we have to rework what happened so that next time it will.
Speaker 1:You know it's interesting because I think about, like you know you can. You can think self-compassion is, like you know, affirmation statements or things like that, and and to a degree, yes, but but also you have to think about like not to be confused with self-esteem or self-confidence. You know both of those when you're, when like I could honestly say, like I can mask my lack of self-compassion with a lot of confidence, and you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean self-confidence is just you are confident in yourself, right In your abilities. That doesn't mean you have self-compassion, right, you know you can have self-esteem, you can think well of yourself. That doesn't mean you show self-compassion. You can have self-esteem, you can think well of yourself. That doesn't mean you show yourself compassion when needed. That actually almost makes it worse because you think so highly of yourself. Then you do something bad and you don't show yourself any compassion, so you have to work 10 times harder to overcome that.
Speaker 1:I think about like an athlete, Like an athlete is like in really good shape. They're, they're an excellent performer, their self-esteem is is, you know, they're proud of what they can do, but then something happens, they hurt a shoulder and they have no compassion for themselves. In that situation, Like no, I'm going to let everything down, I'm going to drop the ball, I failed because I broke something you know, and you're like that's not true, but that's that's kind of. The difference is like, you know, it doesn't change the fact that they, they've that self-esteem is kind of like created this, you know standard that they, they hold themselves to.
Speaker 2:Well, and with professional athletes, that is one of the hardest things is they will tend to because they have a high self-esteem, high self-confidence. They push themselves. When they get injured, yeah, and that makes the injury worse. That's why personal trainers for uh and medical doctors for professional athletes, one of the big things they have to push on these athletes is you need to stop, you need to take the time to stop. And it is so hard for us to do that for ourselves, partly because that neuro processing that we go through. We have solidified this idea within the neurocognitive processing that we have to not show ourselves self-compassion, that when these bad things happen, we have to try to work harder, Showing ourselves compassion, just like you show anyone else compassion. And again, the same idea as self-care look at how you show others compassion and then turn that back on yourself. You have to work on that understanding of yourself that, hey, everyone makes mistake. It is easy to tell someone else everyone makes mistakes, it's okay. It is so difficult to turn that on yourself and say everyone makes mistakes, it's okay and it's because we've got this built-in bad combination of the brain needs to rework that neural pathway so we don't make the mistake again to rework that neural pathway so we don't make the mistake again.
Speaker 2:And the societal behavior of you can't make mistakes, and that's a trauma behavior that you can't make mistakes that we perpetuate generation after generation. But that's what it all comes back to and it all goes back to that very instinctual brain that we have. So we have the higher thought processes where we can, you know, remap things like that. But when we go back to that instinctual behavior, if you don't, if you make a mistake while you're running away from that lion that's chasing you, you're going to get eaten, yeah. And so it's that very basic instinct of make a mistake, very basic instinct of make a mistake die. And that's what we have to overcome as part of self-compassion. Is you know what? Yeah, I made a mistake, but it wasn't because I had a lion chasing me. I messed up a word in an email.
Speaker 1:I'm okay, they understood, it's all good it's really weird because I I coach football, so there's a there's a particular all the kids kind of go through this but there's one particular that his athleticism is top-notch. He's really really good. He's. He does football all the time and just kind of came into this part of his you know, know athletic nature and so he's he's really a playmaker on the game, like it doesn't matter win or lose, he is like disrupting everything and and so wherever he is on the field, he's always kind of one of the primary threats against another team. He's just good. Well, if something happens and it doesn't work in his favor, something he messes up and the play goes wrong, he will like take me out. Coach walks off the field and like collapses on the side. And I'm like coaches, we walk over like man, it's good, dude, don't beat yourself up, it's all right. Like it's just, like it's the next play. And they're like I, I'm as, you're talking, I'm going. I can't believe I never do this for myself. Like it's.
Speaker 1:It's easy for me to walk up to somebody who's doing that to himself right now, going you're this and you're that, you can't do this, you can't do that, and I'm walking over trying to help him.
Speaker 1:Go like it's okay to have self forgiveness, man, like move forward, like it's the next play. Let's think like, think positive and and I'm going like I am the worst at this, like I am, I'm such a hypocrite in this and I don't that's not intentional, but but what I mean is like even that's like, even that for myself is is negative talk against myself and going like okay, how do I, how do I make that distinction and start replacing what is a typical inner negative conversation with positive feedback. To go like you know, when I walk up to this player and go like, dude, it's okay. Like give yourself, like forgive it, it's all right, man, like move on to the next one, like keep going, dude, that's, you're still good, you're still a great player. It doesn't mean that everything you do is, you know, going to be gold standard. It just means you, you, you more often produce great things. So get back up, do it again. And I'm like I should really do that to myself pretty much every day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and a lot of that. So that's where I mean we were joking about, you know, inspirational quotes is not self-care compassion, but that's where this idea of inspirational quotes being self-compassion comes from is because that's you're taking that quote that someone gave to someone to help get them off the mat and you're applying that to yourself, but you're doing it as an outward motivation in and, quite honestly, even if you did that, like you looked up motivational quotes, they're pretty encouraging they are, and so some of them are kind of dark, but you know, most of them are like oh, that's good introspection.
Speaker 1:I like this Like I can, I can do this. Don't use Barney.
Speaker 2:Stinson's motivational quotes. So just don't do those, um, but the idea that you know you can be compassionate toward yourself is, I think the first step of any of this is to recognize that instinctually, there is a reason why we are not self-compassionate, and that's the idea, the very instinctual idea that you know if you fail, you get eaten by lion. That's the instinctual brain that comes in that, okay, we need to fix this. But we have to take the next step and recognize this really wasn't that big a deal Now, as kids, as young adults, as teenagers, all that. That's why they're so emotional.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because in their brain, if they failed that test, they're dead. Their entire life is destroyed. They will never amount to anything. It's not because anyone else gave this to them. They have this image that they are now going to live destitute under a bridge because they failed a test. Yeah, and we have to work with young people to show them no, you can overcome this. You can learn how to override that instinctual brain process to become self-compassionate as adults. You can do this too. It's harder because you're so used to being negative, but by recognizing first that this is where it's coming from, you can then start to override that and say, nope, I know where this is coming from, I know why I'm doing this, I can stop and now I can show myself compassion. You have to break that first and when you start to train yourself to stop it sorry, that's going to kill your editing, but when you just stop that thinking.
Speaker 1:I think your mic's picking it up, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Now you can come back and say, now I can show myself compassion Again. If you write yourself, you know a list of things. This is how I show people compassion. Inspirational speeches I can show compassion by giving them understanding, helping them to see the big picture, All these different things that you show others compassion for. Now you can look at that list when you stopped your brain and say, okay, now I can show my compassion this way, Cause everyone's different. I don't think I'm very good at motivational speeches, You're very good at motivational speeches, and so everyone has their own different skill sets to be able to push other people forward.
Speaker 1:That's that confidence masking. That's what that is, Okay Well no one's perfect.
Speaker 2:That's the idea I have to remind Adam. You know he talked at the top of this episode about how he doesn't feel qualified to talk about this stuff, but I had to remind him. That's the purpose of the Idiot's guide. Yeah, we're not perfect. We aren't we're. We don't know everything. We are on the same journey as all the rest of you.
Speaker 1:I think just some of this stuff hits home a little, honestly, too close that I'm like all right, okay, I'm good and and you know we're there.
Speaker 2:I mean, you hear a lot of times how I don't feel positive about myself, but it's a journey and it's a process. And never feel bad about yourself because you are on a different part of that path or a different level in that process, because we all are and for all the processes of life, we're all on different stages and that's where we can help each other out. It's a community. It takes a village to raise people, even adults.
Speaker 1:I like what you said about, like you know, writing some of these things down about, you know, positive, like maybe not necessarily for yourself, you know, but but thinking about this, we, we I think I mentioned it in an episode a little bit ago but like rationing rationing not in a, not not because of any other reason other than to develop a good habit, and that that would be, you know, if you were to have a list of 10 positive things, make nine of them about someone else and one about you, and like just little things, and then the next time you go, you sit down to do that again in a journal or just on a piece of paper, just just go okay, I'm going to do this, I'm eight of those about other people and two of them about me, and so on and so forth. Just incrementally work your way up so that by the time you're, you know, like the, it gives you an opportunity to gradually and slowly, um, apply some of those, you know, some of that compassion that you can probably easily and confidently give others. But but then when you, when you're looking inward, for some reason it doesn't look the same and and it's hard, you know. So, so, yeah, work your way into it, rather than it just being like the, the dread to think of 10 things I would, I. I just let's just say this I was given the assignment that I haven't completed and it's been two weeks. Okay, so that's, that's where I'm at, and I'm just being honest because that's I. It is a block mentally that I'm, that I'm struggling with.
Speaker 1:But let's say, for example, you know, like part of this, self-compassion is super, duper important, especially when it comes to emotional healing and well-being. Um, because you are with yourself most often, and so if you are your worst enemy most often, then you're always kicking yourself when you're down, rather than it being the other way around, to go like, look, I want to be that coach picking up the kid on the side of the field, going man, you did great, Even if that didn't look like it was fantastic. Duty was epic, and I'm going to make a slow motion video of it, you know, because I'm proud of what they did, they gave it all, and I want that same coach inside my head going I'm proud of what you did today. Sometimes it takes a harder, a longer process, Sometimes it takes smaller steps to get there and sometimes it takes some mindfulness practices, some, like I said, journaling, or even working with a therapist, working with professionals, to be able to kind of challenge that out of you. But honestly, if it's truly a struggle, I believe that the bite size stuff is probably the most because it helps you outwardly focus and go. How that applies like I just said to the kid that I coach how that applies in that scenario should absolutely apply back to me.
Speaker 1:Guys, we have something like you know, life has a lot of stress. Life can be full of anxiety, feeling very overwhelming. But what if you could rewire your brain to handle it differently? But what if you could rewire your brain to handle it differently? We have something called NeuroWarrior NeuroWarriorco. It's a series of meditation and visualization techniques designed to guide you through neural remapping or redirection. Imagine walking through your mind turning anxiety triggers, stressful moments, into a good calm and clarity about that.
Speaker 1:Neurowarrior isn't a replacement for therapy Absolutely not. But it is absolutely an enhancement to that therapy Tools that everyone can benefit from to master their mental well-being. So start your journey today and unlock the warrior within. That's NeuroWarriorco. Start your journey today and unlock the warrior within. That's neurowarriorco, neurowarriorco. I think the last part here is a little bit more on just kind of overcoming some of the struggles with this, in both self-care and compassion. When I deal with it, like you know, feeling I don't deserve it, or feeling guilty because I try to, you know, even a little indulgence is too much indulgence, you know. And so how do I overcome these barriers? Um, in, in, in, kind of my day to day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think one of the first things when we talk about that is talk to someone else. Yeah, you know I talked about, you know, my therapy session. You know I studied neurocognitive development. I mean I know the process of the brain very well, but it doesn't mean that you are going to be good at actually doing that for yourself. Therapists need therapists.
Speaker 2:I'm not a therapist, but the idea that people who help need help still, and so even when I saw you know getting fast food, I saw that as a negative thing. It made me feel worse. That downward spiral about eating fast food. It took that outward therapist to say, no, that's okay, that's a form of self-care. As long as you're not doing it all the time, that's a form of self-care. You can do that, and that for me having someone else come in and say that's okay was a big thing, and so always number one thing find a therapist.
Speaker 2:I don't care what your stage in life is, I don't care if you have everything in life provided for you and you have the perfect life. Everyone should be in therapy. Everyone needs therapy. There are going to be moments in your life where you need someone to talk to, and that's so important Now we don't have any sponsorships or anything like that for therapists, but I think I mentioned these. On the last one, Psychology Today, a great marketplace for therapists. You can find therapists. Reach out to them, find out if they can help you with what you need. But everyone should be getting help. That's the number one thing talking to someone, because even with you, they're encouraging you.
Speaker 2:Even though you are not maybe fulfilling your homework as quickly as they would hope that you would, it's still on the top of your mind, it is, and you're thinking about it, it's driving me nuts, and that's something where they're going to be able to help you work through that, get through that, and even if it is something, as you know, better help as much as there's issues with better help, you know whatever it is, as there's issues with better help, you know whatever it is any port in a storm. They are not a sponsor. I'm tempted to do a video to talk about all the issues with better help at some point, you know, go a deep dive, not as a therapist not, as after all these mental health episodes, what we'll do is we'll dive deep into the flaws of all but the idea here is find someone to help you.
Speaker 2:Even if it is better help connects you to a therapist and then you go outside of better help and contact that therapist independently, so that it's not going through the the better help system, whatever. Yeah, you need to find someone, that's number one.
Speaker 1:There's also apps Like I have. Declutter the Mind is an app. It's a meditation app and it's just mindful. There's no music in it. It's literally a voice, a soft voice that just now I want you to do this, the soft voice. I want you to find a comfortable space to sit and relax.
Speaker 2:As they're talking to you Now.
Speaker 1:there is a specific modulation that you do to your voice when you're doing meditation. Under a warriorco. There is this right here.
Speaker 2:It's a technique you learn that you modulate your voice, you do a certain rhythmic pattern and it actually does help, see that's why I could do public speaking.
Speaker 1:But not I can't be like everyone's, like I am so ticked off when I'm done with a meditation that Adam put together because his energy is up here. I'm not, and so, but there's apps, there's apps. There's one I can't remember if it's called Lumen or something like that. That's like it's kind of a mindfulness app, but it's. It's. It's kind of geared to like interactive in elements of it. So there's lots of those.
Speaker 1:There's those things where you're, you're almost trying to kind of quizzing it to.
Speaker 1:You're quizzing yourself by going through these little challenges that give you kind of the reward of like good job, give yourself a high five kind of a thing, so it like again, these are, these are bite-sized techniques in order to do this, so that you can look at going, man, if you did one self-care or one self-compassionate act per day, and that like not big, it doesn't have to be grand, it's just you know, try that application of one of those each day.
Speaker 1:Or you know and and and start there, and then you know, having that accountability, having a therapist, having an app regularly checking in, all those sorts of things are are helpful practices that that that are going to help instill a better habit. And you know, like I said, man, I'm preaching to the choir this entire episode, because all this stuff is things that I am aware of and some of it I have, and I'm even at the disposal of everything that we develop and I can, at will, use it and I don't, and so it's something that you know it really does. I can tell the difference when I'm not doing it.
Speaker 2:And the more people you have around you that are encouraging you, that are helping you, that are benefiting you in these situations. Now, adam has been through the NeuroWarrior program and, if you can imagine, this is a de-stressed or not de-stressed, but a lower stressed Adam. But the idea is the more people you have around you that encourage you. There'll be days when Adam's, you know, getting a little too high and I have to remind him okay, have you done any of this? Have you done that? And then there are times where you know where I'm really stressed. I'll go into his office and I'll just I'll ask if I can sit down on the chair, and then I have a very awkwardly comfortable chair, I think.
Speaker 2:And we, just we talk, we both understand, while we may not be good at you know practicing these things.
Speaker 2:We know how important it is, yeah, and when things get really bad, we recognize in each other that we can use each other for that, yeah. And the more people you have in your life to be able to do that whether it's a therapist, a friend, a coworker any of these people in your life can be that resource and reach out to them Because, remember, we're really good at practicing compassion for others in general, and so when you walk into someone else and say, hey, can you help me out, I guarantee you nine times out of 10, they're going to be willing to do it. And so that's where you have a lot of resources that are there to have someone just encourage you. They'll be able to see when you're having a bad day or when you need that self-compassion, and they'll be there to help you to get that.
Speaker 1:I think something to note is, you know, we talked about earlier, like you know, taking a going and getting fast food sort of a thing, and you know the word would be indulging. Right, and I want to, I want to add this this part of this is, you know, let's, let's take away the word indulging, because indulging technically could have negative ramifications, right, or connotations I don't know what the right word is there for connotations, okay, but the idea is, instead of it being something that's indulgent, look at it as essential. So so you're doing this because it's a necessity every single day, and, granted, don't go get cheeseburgers every day because you're going to have other problems. But the idea of finding ways that are healthy, ways of having self-care and self-compassion and trying to instill and act on that every day is essential.
Speaker 1:It's not indulging, it is something that you know. It's like I had the pleasure to go do this. I'm like, no, I have the pleasure to do that every day. That's the joy that I want to seek out. And so, you know, let's take away that idea of it just being I get to indulge in this, because that's kind of a guilty pleasure then, rather than it being, hey, this is the pleasure that I get to take joy in this every day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could be playing video games. It could be eating a cheeseburger. Occasionally, when it goes overboard, it becomes indulgent. But when it's for your self care, it is essential and not indulgent. It can even be just sitting in a dark closet because that makes you feel comfortable and not having any interruptions. Yeah, that's an essential area, it's not an indulgence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mentioned, uh, just putting my noise, canceling headphones on sometimes, just putting them on like nothing's coming out of them, Nothing, it's just. It's crazy because I could. I could put those on and drop a pair of keys onto the floor and I'm not here. The pair of keys hit the floor so I'm like, oh, this is beautiful. Like I don't hear voices, I don't hear anything. Well, if I well, I guess I, if I do hear voices, then that's another problem.
Speaker 1:But, um, but it's, it's, it's finding all there's. There's no rules of what to do and what not to do. Just find those things that you can find a little bit of moments of peace in your life. Um, you know, the challenge would be that this week maybe try one new self-care or self-compassionate act this week Remember, it's not a care or a compassionate act, it's a self-care and self-compassionate act and then you know if it helps share one of those experiences, whether that's if you're going to show it on social media or tell a friend about it. But those are some of those challenges. I want to just have an opportunity to do Anything you want to say before we wrap up.
Speaker 2:If anyone gives you a hard time about practicing self-care or doing any of these activities, well, you can tell them to come watch this video and leave a comment on the video and we will respond to them why they're being an idiot and they're probably not your friend now we do have our dad joke. Yes, okay, how do billboards communicate? I don't know Sign language.
Speaker 1:I like that you even signed. I assume that's what you did. Yeah, sign language.
Speaker 2:I'm practicing sign.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know it at all. All right, we've reached the end of our show for today. Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. Don't forget to like and subscribe. Life's too short, so keep laughing and keep learning, and remember idiots have way more fun. Check your shoes. Bye.