The Language Experiment
How do I raise a multilingual child? Will exposing my child to multiple languages confuse them? Will their speech be delayed? How can I give them enough exposure to my mother tongue? These were just some of the questions that Kaisa and Camillo had when they were expecting their first child. Originally from Finland and Brazil, now living in the French speaking part of Canada, the couple searched for answers, literature and resources about multilingual upbringing.
When their research turned out unfruitful, they agreed to do what felt most natural to them: practicing their own languages with their daughter while incorporating two local languages on top of that. The Language Experiment is a podcast where Kaisa and Camillo share their journey on multilingual parenting with hopes of helping and encouraging other parents who are looking to raise multilingual children. There will be interviews, practical tips and plenty of real life experiences and perspectives on multilingualism.
You’ll discover how they helped their daughter become quadrilingual before the age of three only by reading, singing, playing and spending time outdoors with her. You’ll learn to recognize and critically assess some of the myths surrounding multilingual parenting. You’ll also hear from other parents and learn what worked for them and what didn’t. If you are a parent raising or wanting to raise children with multiple languages, this podcast is a must-listen. Hit subscribe now and join the community!
The Language Experiment
6 ways to fight language exclusion
009 - In this episode, we delve into the challenges and possible solutions surrounding language exclusion, offering insights and strategies to nurture inclusivity while raising multilingual children. Join us while we try to illuminate the path toward linguistic harmony within diverse homes.
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Greetings, everyone.
Kaisa:Today would like to talk about a topic that I see coming up a lot in all these different groups about multilingual kids that I'm part of, and it is the topic of language exclusion. Language exclusion can mean different things in different contexts, but in this context, it means the feelings of exclusion that might come up when a language is spoken in a family by some members, but not everyone in the family understands or speaks that language. Many multilingual and multicultural couples actually face this issue. When our first daughter was born, I didn't know Brazilian, Portuguese and Camillo didn't know Finnish. But despite that, within the family, I think we never really experienced language exclusion. However, we are both familiar with the feelings of exclusion because we did experience them on certain levels when visiting our families in Finland and Brazil. I know that many of you parents out there have experienced this. If you have ever visited your partner's home country where you don't speak the local language, of course this type of exclusion is temporary. But when it happens inside the family in your everyday life, it can become a big problem. For some couples, it can become, so problematic that they don't want their partner to speak their native language to the child. Or alternatively, someone can feel so uncomfortable speaking their own language because they fear excluding their partner, that they simply stop and only speak the common language. Sometimes there can even be external pressure from the extended family, and they may voice that they are uncomfortable because they don't understand the language that's being spoken. So Camillo, why do you think language exclusion becomes a problem for some people but not others?. Camillo: There can be many reasons. Let's say the reaction to someone speaking a language in your presence that you don't speak can vary between different cultures. In some cultures, it's no big deal, but in others it can be considered extremely rude. It can be a problem for someone who has had a bad experience in the past where they have been excluded or left out or being talked about, and I can see how a situation like this could bring up some old trauma because if you think about it, have your partner speak a language to your child that you don't understand. It's an unusual situation. We never really thought about it when we did it. But if you do think about it, it's a bit weird, as we all know, well functioning marriages and relationships require a good amount of trust between the partners. But sometimes building that trust can take years. Building trust with a person from a different culture is a whole new ballgame. If you are at a stage in your relationship, when you are still in the process of building that trust, it can feel really difficult to not understand what your partner is saying to your child. And the threshold for the feelings of exclusion to come up is much lower than it normally would be. I wouldn't be able to say why we never experienced the language exclusion within our family or extended family, but all I can say is that we never felt uncomfortable. With hearing a language we don't speak or understand, and neither did our families. We trusted each other and we always knew that if we wanted to know something, we could just ask. Also, I think we both have a strong growth mindset, which means that if we don't know something, we're willing to put effort into learn it, and we are confident that it's possible to us to learn almost anything. If we put in the effort a fixed mindset will be the opposite of that, which is when you think that something's too hard, and just because you don't know that something now, you also won't be able to learn it in the future. What are the different ways of fighting, language exclusion then, or preventing it from happening? To begin with, we can share some of the things that we did, which we believe had a positive impact on how we kept our family environment inclusive instead of exclusive. As we seem to love listicles on this podcast. Here's another one for you. Number one, make an effort to learn your partner's language and or help them learn yours. This is what we did and this is what we think everyone should do. We never planned for it to happen, and we didn't actively take any steps to do it, but it just happened organically. Neither of us studied each other's languages or used any apps or other resources to learn them. We simply learned them by listening to each other, speak our languages around the house and by asking the other person to translate when we heard something new. Now, after five years of doing that, I understand everything Camillo says when he speaks Portuguese. And I'm able to have simple conversations with people using the language. I managed to even fool one five-year-old Brazilian girl into thinking that I'm also Brazilian just by talking to her. So what level does that make me an advanced beginner, maybe. and how would you rate your finished skills, Camilo?
Camillo:Aika heikko
Kaisa:Yeah, pretty weak. But I mean, if you can say pretty weak and Finnish it means that, yeah. You're somewhere in the beginner stage.
Camillo:No, I think, I always like to joke around saying that my level of Finnish is daycare Finnish, just because I understand a lot of what you talk with the girls. And I understand the context. I understand I'm always on topic. and of course I don't fully understand the grammar within the, the synthesis, but I, I am fully part of the conversation and whenever I need to pitch in, I pitch in in Portuguese, so, yeah. Mm-hmm. It's, it's weak in a general way, but I'm always, I'm always on topic.
Kaisa:That's good.
Camillo:Learning your partner's language or even just learning to understand it a bit is not only beneficial in your immediate family, but it gives you the opportunity to connect with your partner's family if you don't have some other language in common. The point of learning your partner's language is not for you to speak it to your kids, but to understand your partner, their interaction with their children and their culture. it is really a win-win situation
Kaisa:While the fact that we managed to learn each other's languages just by hearing them around the house, it doesn't mean that everyone else will be able to do the same. Some factors that might affect it are time spent together as a family, the versatility of the language and communication being used, and other activities that are done to support the language learning. But I am seriously impressed by Camillo's ability to learn how to understand finish and to even speak it a little bit because while it is not one of the hardest languages to learn, It can be hard for someone whose first language is not from the Finno-Ugric language family. So I hope his progress can inspire you to learn your partner's language, even if you think it's a really difficult language to learn.
Camillo:Oh, thank you.
Kaisa:You're welcome.
Camillo:with that said, and with that compliment in mind, let's go to tip number two. Join your children on their language learning journey and learn with them. Remember when in our last episode we talked about how one of the reasons that children learn languages more effectively when they're young is because the environment is different? Take advantage of the language reach environment that's full of music games, nursery rhymes, and one-on-one time with a native speaker that you and your partner have created for your child by joining your child on their language learning journey. If your child gets screen time and watches something in your partner's language, watch it with them. Much of the children's music content that we have found on YouTube has subtitles for the song's lyrics, which means that you can be enjoying the songs with your child and learn at the same time. We often sing songs together as a family in any of the languages that we know. And we have a lot of fun learning those songs together. The kind of language that your kids are exposed to is beginner friendly, which is why it's also ideal for you. Don't worry about not doing OPOL correctly. Just because you are learning your partner's language, it can actually be very exciting for your children to see that you are also trying to learn the same language they're learning. Or that they already speak, they'll be happy to translate for you and teach you things that you might not know.
Kaisa:Of course, this might be more challenging for some people to do. An example could be if one parent works and the other stays home with the kids, or if one parent travels a lot, or if the parents spend more one-on-one time with the kids as opposed to spending time with the whole family. We were able to do this because although we both work full time, we spend a lot of time together as a family, which means that we also get a lot of exposure to each other's languages. We have number three, use other resources that are out there to support you for the ones that are not able to get enough exposure. By spending time together with the family, there are other things that you can do. Language apps, books, and even social media are great resources for language learning. And if you have the time and money, you could get some tutoring or learn the language in a classroom setting. Some people might even get their partner to teach them their language in a more structured way. There are also TV shows, series and music you can enjoy together with your partner in their language or vice versa. Most of us can't become full-time students in our quest to learn our partner's language, but it's not actually necessary. A variety of different kinds of exposure consistently over a long period of time will work like magic.
Camillo:Now, tip number four, focus on the goal. This is something we have talked about before and we'd like to stress how important it is to focus on your goal, which most likely is to speak your native language to your child and to raise them multilingual. While we shouldn't get tunnel of vision, Only focus on what we want to achieve and forget about everything else around us. It is important to not give in to outside pressures or demands. If you're being asked or expected to do things that don't help you achieve your goal, you'll need to decide whether. You're going to make a compromise or eliminate the distractions. Outsiders should never have a say on the decisions that are made in your family or how you want to raise your kids, which is why we have always ignored all outside advice and demands. We suggest you to do the same. If your partner is the one who doesn't agree with your goal, it might be time to have a serious conversation about how you can better work as a team and agree on the direction that the family is taking together.
Kaisa:Then we have number five, support your partner and others as people might have many different reasons for experiencing language exclusion. It's important to accept that it might be a difficult journey for some people. That's why it's very important to support your partner if they are feeling excluded, and to help them overcome these feelings the best you can. Be inclusive and ready to explain and translate whenever it's needed, and while you shouldn't give up on your goal. Normally, there's always something that we can do to accommodate people who are not feeling comfortable. If the problem still persists, there's nothing wrong with seeking professional help to deal with the trauma or trust issues that might be causing these feelings of exclusion.
Camillo:And our sixth and last tip of this episode. Create a positive environment where all language are appreciated and treated equally. A multilingual home should not be a place where languages are pitted against each other or where the languages are constantly competing for the children's attention. Instead, it should be a place where multiple cultures and language can exist in harmony because they are all valued and treated equally. Taking initiative to learn your partner's language is the first step in creating this environment, because by doing that, You are showing appreciation towards that language and their culture. By putting ourselves out there and immersing ourselves in our partner's language, we're also getting to know another side of our partner and children that we might otherwise never know. Our main goal as parents, and I'm sure this goal is shared by all parents raising Multilingual children. Is to raise our children to understand and appreciate different cultures and to approach people who are different from them with curiosity and empathy. Make sure you set an example by modeling this behavior in your own home.
Kaisa:In the end, language exclusion is something that's common in multilingual families, and it can happen to anyone. however, eliminating a language from the family is rarely the right solution. Hope our experiences and tips gave you some food for thought and maybe you thought of another way of mitigating language exclusion. If you did, let us know
Camillo:as usual. Thanks for listening and see you in the next episode.
Kaisa:Bye-bye.
