I almost didn't get anything out this week but I haven't been able to shake the feeling that there were some things I wanted to add and clarify about last weeks episode and my conversation with Ben LeRoy.

We were talking about how to be present in a helpful way if you have a friend who is going through a hospice experience. I keep thinking about what I was saying about silent ways to show up by leaving things at the door to the family home IF they are local and you know where they live.

When someone is in the experience of being with a beloved as they are dying, because it's typically a pretty foreign thing to most of us, it's easy to forget to take care of ourselves. It seems like too much trouble to actually cook something to eat, or to even take the time to make a cup of tea. Which is why I said one thing we can do for that friend and their family is to leave a basket of easily grabbed nutrition. Although what I suggested could be in that basket wasn't nutritious at all. That's one of the things that's been bugging me since Ben and I recorded that episode last week. So if you have the financial means to do something like that, think about fruit, like little cuties that are super easy to peel and eat and have no seeds, or little bags of nuts. Boxes of teas. I know I have, in the past, actually been able to assemble a fairly substantial and attractive basket of things for a family just by walking around my house and opening cupboards. I didn't have to buy very much to enhance it before leaving it at their door. And if you are part of a community where other people you know might also know this family, ask around and see if anyone else might want to participate in offering a “comfort kit” like the one I'm describing as a way to remind them that they are loved. Sometimes, we just forget to include others in an opportunity to help.

A year ago our community faced the challenge of trying to love a family through a very significant, unexpected  and tragic loss. I learned later from the mother of the young woman who died, that gift cards to restaurants in town were the greatest gifts they were given. She said thaty for months they were able to enjoy a meal out on those days when they just couldn't face being at home. So that's an idea too. But if money is tight or non existent as it is in most of our lives at some point,  just a note left on the door, or wild flowers and weeds in a mason jar, let a family (and your friend specifically), know that they are being thought of.

So I wanted to say that.

Then this morning when I walking home from a visit to the river with Toby I met, coming the other way, an old friend I hadn't seen in almost 4 years. We'd had this intense few months in one another's lives when his wife, who had been instrumental in Greg and I  meeting 30 years ago, died tragically in an auto accident in January of 2019. I did the best I could to support the family through the initial weeks of this loss and our time together kind of cemented a special bond for us, so when I saw who it was walking towards me on the trail my heart leapt with joy to see her husband again and we connected instantly. Because he has to drive right by our house to begin the walk he was on, I chided him for not stopping and told him it would always be ok for him to knock on our door.

Later, when he was leaving the river he did just that. He came in and sat down and said out of the blue that he wanted to apologize to Greg for never coming back over 4 years ago to help finish a project they'd started together on the engine of an old truck. It was so heartfelt and serious, and of course completely unnecessary, and, of course, graciously accepted. But it got me thinking about how it's really never too late to make amends, never too late to say to someone, Hey, I've been holding onto this feeling of remorse, or guilt or shame or regret for whatever it is we think we need to clear the air about.

It's awesome if we can do it sooner rather than later, because then we don't have to carry it around. But sometimes, we just don't. And if it then becomes something we carry, it means it's something that matters. Otherwise, I think we'd just forget about it.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross heralded still by many people to have been the quintessential expert on death and dying and grief said she always tried to teach people to live in such a way that we  say things of the heart while the other person can still hear us. And after our friends unexpected out of the blue visit earlier today, I can see her point. It was meaningful for all of us to have that exchange. To sit down and pick up right where we left off, as though years hadn't gone by since seeing each other.

Living our lives open and heart centered, mindful of each day being a gift, ready to give as well as receive the information and opportunities that come along as the day goes by, I believe, will ultimately allow us, to be more peaceful and accepting when death comes to call.

Maybe a bucket list, instead of unvisited countries or unread books or unfinished projects, we could have a bucket list of people we need to speak to before we die. People we need to thank or ask forgiveness from. And then doing it. Making that call, writing that letter, knocking on that door.

Because this is not a dress rehearsal. This is the real deal. This is the life we have been given. So let's do the best we can to leave the world a little better than we found it.

Thank you......love sean