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Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Maria highlights stories of people that have been the "less than 1% chance" and have come out of their situations thriving and seeing life as happening FOR them and not TO them! Inspiring and empowering stories that will show you that against all odds you can make it through anything!
Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Rewriting A Life: Trauma, Schizoaffective Disorder, And Fierce Hope with Maddie Andrews
What if the diagnosis you feared became the doorway to your purpose? That’s the heartbeat of our conversation with mental health advocate and nonprofit founder, Maddie Andrews—whose story stretches from early childhood trauma to a life-altering medical crisis, and then into service, stability, and fierce hope.
Maddie opens up about being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, and the years she spent masking hallucinations, delusions, and crushing mood swings. She breaks down what schizoaffective actually means—how psychosis, mania, and depression can appear independently—and why treating it demands more than a single prescription. We also talk candidly about the stigma that surrounds serious mental illness, and the bravery it takes to be transparent at work, in relationships, and online.
The turning point comes with a near-fatal cascade: medication changes, unmonitored lithium, and a hospital stay that required dialysis. Maddie lost the ability to walk, talk, and swallow—and then taught herself to write her name again. From there, we explore recovery done right: sleep hygiene, strict routines, grounding techniques like 5-4-3-2-1, DBT skills that work in the moment, and the power of sunlight, movement, hydration, and peer support. We also dig into love and marriage through illness—how communication, “I feel, I need” statements, and honest expectations kept Maddie and her husband aligned through crisis.
Along the way, I share what it was like to parent a child through misdiagnosis, medication trials, and school-day meltdowns, including the small tools that changed everything—calm wake-ups, breath work, and daily affirmations. Together, we build a picture of recovery that’s realistic and deeply human: rigorous self-advocacy with doctors, community that reduces shame, and a belief that purpose can grow from pain.
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Connect with Maddie:
Website: https://www.jesupport.org/
Facebook: Maddie Andrews
Instagram: @matmatt88
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Welcome back to the Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people thriving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, hey, welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte. I am so very excited for this conversation today. I think that it will not only help you all, it will definitely help me and my child children. So I'm really, really excited to talk to today's guest. Her name is Maddie Andrews. She is a mental health advocate, master social work student, peer support specialist, and nonprofit founder who brings both professional insight and lived experience to her work. After surviving a significant childhood trauma and being diagnosed with a serious mental illness, Maddie spent years simply trying to get through each day. Then in 2023, she faced a life-threatening crisis that left her having to relearn basic functions from the ground up. That moment became a turning point in her healing journey. Now Maddie dedicates her life not only to her own recovery, but to creating healing spaces for others. Through her advocacy, peer support work, and nonprofit leadership, she's helping reshape how we understand mental health, resilience, and what it means to rebuild a life with purpose. So please welcome Maddie Andrews.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you so much. Yeah, absolutely. So give us a little bit of insight. What is your against all odds story? And again, open to all of it.
SPEAKER_00:My story is super long and super complicated. It really all started when I was four. So before I was four, I was a great sleeper, not too attached, just your typical kid. But then when I was four years old in preschool, I was actually sexually assaulted. And I told my teacher, and she said, This is your fault. If you tell your parents, you're gonna be in a whole lot of trouble, and you're not to tell a soul. And when you're four, and this person you idolize is telling you that, you tend to clam up. Yeah. So I developed this over attachment to adults, I stopped sleeping, and I really began to develop significant anxiety at the age of four. And that was really where it all started. By the time I got to middle school, I started developing things like psychosis, which means I had delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, and I also my moods started to really bend in sway. I would have the really high highs, the really low lows, and that's where the beginning of my serious mental illness began.
SPEAKER_03:Was the teacher the person that sexually assaulted you?
SPEAKER_00:No, it was an older child. So a high school teacher's son got off the bus and did it. My only adult rationale behind her saying that to me is because it was on her watch and she didn't want to get in trouble. Yeah. So my parents actually, before they died, they like I tried to tell my mom at one point, but she wasn't receptive. So my parents really never knew. I kind of carried that with me until I was about 35 years old.
SPEAKER_03:Oh wow. And so you started experiencing these things in middle school. What came from that?
SPEAKER_00:I really began to shut down when I hallucinate and have paranoia and delusions. It's very negative. They tell me things like people don't like me, people don't want to be in the room with you. Hallucinations are very scary. And when your mood is fluctuating within that, it's hard to manage the day-to-day. And I had gotten really good at a young age of what I say is wearing a mask in public. So I learned how to hide these things, but it was so draining. But by the time I got home, I had nothing left to give and little self-control. So when I was at home, one minute I was screaming at my mom, the next I was crying, the next I was isolating, and it created a bad habit for me as an adult of hiding the smaller symptoms until they escalate into a crisis.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Oh my gosh. That kind of gets me all emotional because my oldest daughter has dealt with her mental health issues since about six, almost seven years old. I think that the situation that kind of started it all was when her dad and I separated. My ex-husband and I separated, and it was super hard for her to process that that he didn't live with us anymore, that you know, all of that. And so I started taking her to counseling, and then it became kind of more family counseling and so forth, but it was so difficult. So the first like diagnosis was like ADHD, and you know, let's get her on ADHD medication. And so I was a single mom of these three kids that my seven-year-old was struggling. And I was like, well, I don't know what else to do. Let's try the medication. And so I got her on medication. It helped a little bit with like school and stuff like that. And then I don't remember exactly what happened, but they upped her dose and it wasn't really then working, and she was still having really tough time at home. And I was just like at a loss of I don't, I just don't know what to do. And it's not something that at that time, she's now 21. Nobody wanted to talk about mental health. And it's only been in the last few years that it has been, I think since like COVID time period, since it's really been kind of more common to talk about, but I've was dealing with this since, you know, early 2000s, around like 2010, 12, around there. And so it was, it was just like, I don't, I don't know what to do. I've never had to deal with this. And so I tried to do anything and everything to help her. I started to go, there was a organization called Federation of Families, and that helped, you know, families and children that were dealing with mental health and so forth. And so we would go once a week to their meetings and the kids would join, and then there would be a part where the parents would just learn different ways of dealing with the things that were happening. And then we had like a child advocate. Like I tried anytime anyone was like, have you done this? And I'm like, Oh, I didn't even know that existed. Let's go. Because it was so draining, not only for her and for me, but then my younger two kids, I feel like I neglected so much because the attention was so much on my oldest. And I remember she would have all-out fights, and she would tell me that she would see, you know, people that were dead, and that they would tell her to do bad things. And so it when you don't know, you're like, this is scary. What is happening? And she would get really physical with me. There was a time she like pulled my hair out, just things that I was like, oh my gosh. And as this is all happening, the two younger ones were watching crying. And so it was just a very just humbling and and difficult experience as a family. And so thank you for saying what you did because I felt like I was going crazy. I was like, I don't know what else to do. And who do who am I gonna tell that she's having hallucinations about you know people that are dead and how they've died and that they look scary and like I don't know what to do. And so it just I felt very isolated and very like, well, who can I actually tell? So thank you for saying that because it kind of makes me feel like, oh my gosh, you know, we weren't the only ones, we weren't alone.
SPEAKER_00:I resonate with your story so much, and I want to first say thank you. Thank you for being that mom who's gonna put her daughter first, even though it's so difficult. I had a mom like that too, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without my parents. Nobody's perfect, we all have our flaws. No, when you have a mom who's not gonna give up on you even when you're beating her down, that's what matters. And that early intervention you gave your daughter. So thank you. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I didn't expect to start crying already.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna cry too. I wish I could tell my own mom that. I wish I could. My parents didn't live to see the end game diagnosis in me, they were gone. My end-game diagnosis is what's called schizoaffected bipolar type, which means I have symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, along with generalized anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. And I didn't start articulating any of these things until I was 14, and they just diagnosed me with the OCD, but little did anybody know. I thought people lived in my bushes, my events, like I was putting my parents through the ringer. And when I started to get help at 19, I remember the internet wasn't quite what it is today. So my mom went to the library and checked out every single book on bipolar disorder she could, and took me to a specialist and this and that, and simultaneously, like I know they wanted to give up sometimes. My mom told me that, but they didn't. And they taught me that I'm bigger than a diagnosis. They taught me that first of all, I'm Maddie, and that's a unique thing to be, and I can do anything I want, and I carry that with me as an adult, and it drives me to work harder and prove the world wrong. And that's one reason I talk about these things is to show that people with mental illness can do anything they want and to let people know they're not alone. So you know, you did all the right things. It's you got it.
SPEAKER_03:It's like my it was my fear always.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh, that like damn, I know that I'm not perfect and that it was so hard, but I tried always. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00:Like he's gonna appreciate that.
SPEAKER_02:Goodness, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That girls didn't get to see me in recovery, they saw me struggling in my 20s, saw me barely living life, yeah, saw me wishing for death, saw me psychotic, saw me manic, and I know now they can see me happy and in recovery, and I just hope they know how thankful I am for them. Yeah. To get me here, and your daughter's gonna be.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know what her state is today, and she's and honestly, so she hasn't been on any medication for a a long time, but it was more because when she was 18, because so they diagnosed her with bipolar disorder at like 12. I don't know if that's necessarily what it is because I don't know. It it I'm not sure because we did we went through trials, we tried so many different kinds of medication, and when she turned 18, she was like, I don't want to do medication anymore. Um, it makes me feel a certain way. I don't want to do it. I and so she chose to get off of them. And um, you know, she still has her episodes of like she says that her schizophrenic episodes and this is something that she like has I don't know if you call it self-diagnosed, but she's like, this is what I'm feeling. And she knows to look for to reach out. So when she's she just broke up with her boyfriend, but she knew that she she had that that connection with somebody. She would either call me or call him or whatever. And so I've always like when she's in those moments, I number one tell her, okay, baby, I need you to breathe. Like, let's regulate your breath. And then the second thing when she's like super anxious and whatever, she'll I'll tell her, okay, because it's usually over the phone. I'm like, all right, let's look for show explain to me three different things that you can see right now. What what do they look like? What do they smell like? What do like it's describe three different things? Because I need you to come back to the present because I know that like when you're depressed, it's you're focusing so much on the past. When you're anxious, it's so much on the future that hasn't happened. So, like that moment of getting present in the moment is where I try to get her back to. And she'll be like, I see a blue truck. Okay, what does a blue truck look like? Is it an old truck? Is it a new truck? What color are the the rims like? Does it have any other stickers on it? I try to get as much descriptions from what she tells me as I possibly can so that she can kind of get her brain working in a way that it's not focusing on whatever she's anxious about.
SPEAKER_00:That's a that's a coping skill that a lot of therapists have taught me as well. The grounding techniques. So the breathing, things like box breathing, and then the they call the 54321 technique, which is exactly what you're doing. Tell me five things you can see, four things you can feel, etc. etc. etc. And you're right, it's a really great way to get you out of that panic, out of that anxiety, and bring you back down into the present.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I've learned this for myself, and I just have again, I decided that like so when she was about how old was she? She was 11 or yeah, she was 11 when I found out that I had cervical cancer and I was super unhealthy, and she had like she was just getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and so I was in a place where I was like, all right, I need to either put my oxygen mask on first and take care of me, or these kids will not have me. She will not have me, and who's like, no one's gonna take care of her like I am, and so I was like, what am I gonna do? So I focused on getting healthy, I started to work out and eat right and listen to personal development and look for different things that I could do to get myself in a better state. I started to meditate myself so that in the mornings, because the mornings were always the hardest, in the mornings, I would normally wake her up and and it would like if I had to wake her up at seven, I would wake her up and hey, I need you to get up, we need to get go to school. And she would like you know, start the fighting immediately. And I realized that when I started to meditate and really ground myself, my energy going into waking her up was so different. And I understood that I fed into her moods so much because I was going in with like that anxious energy of like, oh my gosh, what is today gonna look like? Because it always looked different, and so I remember when I started to do that, and I was like, oh, that's shifting, okay. And then I realized through lots of therapy, we realized that she needs to feel in control. So instead of waking her up at seven, I would wake her up at 6:45. And I would say, after I meditate, after I ground myself, hey baby, good morning. It's time to wake up. And she would be like, uh, and I would tell her, Do you want 15 more minutes or do you want to wake up now? And she's like, no, 15 minutes. And so when I would go back in there at 7, where she normally has to wake up, she then would wake up and because it was in her control, she controlled that. And so even if it's a false sense of control, because I was still waking her up at the same time, it was trying to get go around what we were experiencing because I was like, I don't know what else to do. I cannot like physically deal with getting myself better, being there for the kids, and dealing with these like really tough mornings because it would then trickle into the rest of the day. So yeah, thank you for saying that because it always felt like okay, am I just am I not doing enough to get there?
SPEAKER_00:I think my mom felt the same way a lot of the time. Yeah, but you know, I'll be worth it.
SPEAKER_03:It just gives me hope to see that you are where you are having gone through a lot of what she went through. And it it I didn't even think it was gonna hit me this much, but it's something that like I'm so proud of her right now. She's 21 and about three months from turning 22, and she's living currently she was living with an ex-fiance, and now like she didn't come back home. She was like, No, I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna I'm gonna keep working, I'm gonna find a uh roommate, and so she did it that all on her own, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so proud. Cause I didn't think that that was gonna be the case. I was like, is she going to be able to live with somebody else?
SPEAKER_00:And yeah, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of hope in this, and that's one reason I do what I do. I call myself overly transparent. A lot of people, I was actually grappling with this today. I was like, because somebody at my internship for school found out about my story. I mean, it's pretty public, it's bound to happen, but I panicked and I got really paranoid. I'm like, am I doing the wrong thing by being so transparent? Am I putting myself in a bad situation? But what I when I hear things like this, and when people reach out to me, and I can provide that little snippet of hope because when you're in the thick of it, it's like you're in a dark tunnel and you don't see the light. But you know, I'm living proof that recovery is real. We can live any kind of life we want to live. Diagnose. Diagnosis or no diagnosis, whatever that diagnosis is, you know, I would say that when you're dealing with things like bipolar and schizophrenia, the 20s are difficult. The 20s are gonna be difficult. I say a waste in my 20s, but really it wasn't a waste when I think about it. It was finding myself, finding the resources I needed. You know, I just so happened to need medication the rest of my life. And it took me from 19 to 35 to find the right cocktail. That's just how it worked out for me. Because most of them I couldn't, they didn't work for me. But I had to learn along the way, it's bigger than a pill, right? Yeah, it's the whole scope of life: coping skills, adequate sleep, sunlight, exercise, you name it in life, you have to think three steps ahead when you live with mental illness, and you have to keep a routine, you have to, so it takes a lot of effort, and it takes a long time to understand that and put it into place. So, you know, if you live with mental illness or your loved one is affected by a mental illness, hope is very alive, recovery is very real. Be patient with us. We are trying, I guarantee you, we are trying.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So can you explain to us exactly what psychoaffective is?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So I live with the diagnosis. It was originally bipolar, like your daughter. When I was 19, I was hospitalized. They were uh trying to understand do I have schizophrenia or do I have bipolar disorder? And for most of my 20s, I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I had mania, I had depression, but then I had periods where I had psychosis without mania or depression, and they needed to see a pattern of this. And when they established a pattern, they diagnosed me with schizoaffective bipolar type. And what that means is I have symptoms of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Now, when you have just bipolar disorder, you can have psychosis, but it's generally linked to mania or depression, like they combine. So when you have schizoaffective, you have mania, psychosis, and depression all by themselves. So you're not necessarily in a state of mania or depression while you're hallucinating, having paranoia and delusions. And it is considered serious mental illness, and it is a new, like a lot of people don't know that word. I say it and they're like, and the first time I heard, yeah, the first time I heard it, I was like, whoa, what is what does that even mean? I was afraid of the word schizo. I didn't like it. It took a lot of processing on my end, a lot of grieving to come to terms with it. I dealt with a lot of guilt and shame around it, but today I'm proud of it. Yeah, it makes me who I am. I'm unique.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, absolutely. You absolutely are. So, okay, I think that this is something again that I kind of as she was growing up, I was very worried about. Is love possible with mental illness relationships? Like, how how do you um deal with all of that?
SPEAKER_00:That's a tricky one. When I was in my 20s, I dated and I hid a lot of my diagnosis, and then I met who is my now husband. We have been together for 11 years, and I didn't tell him until he saw a scar on my leg because I used to self-harm a lot.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And he said, What is that? And I was immediately afraid and full of shame. But I told him, and he said, he grabbed my hand and he looked me in my eyes and he said, Maddie, don't ever do that again. We're gonna make sure you never do that again. And I started to open up to him. And our marriage has been difficult because I have had a lot of crisis, but he's never given up on me. I mean, at one point our marriage, he was my 24-7 caretaker. He was changing my diapers. Like, if we're being real about it, when I was dying and he was working a full-time job, taking care of me, dealing with my moods, dealing with my psychosis, and he never gave up on me. And honestly, the other day I looked him in the eye and I said, Why do you do it? Because I'm just confused because I put him through a lot, and he said, Maddie, I love you. And I was like, But really, because this is a lot. Like, I lean on you so much. And he said, Maddie, love can't be explained. He was like, You're my best friend, I would do anything for you. I know you would do anything for me, and my life wouldn't be the same without you. And I think our trials and tribulations have made us so strong. If we can get through what we've been through the last 11 years, we'll be fine forever. And as much as he's had my back, I've had his. You know, he's had down points too. So love is very possible with mental illness. It's all about finding the right person. You know, there's a difference between going on a first date and disclosing and waiting till an appropriate time, and there's also a difference from hiding it too long. You know, you want to make sure it's someone who can support you empathetically and realistically. So you got to find that right time that's right for you to disclose and educate them about yourself and your needs, your I feel I need statements, and communicate with them. I used to think my husband was a mind reader, but he's not.
SPEAKER_03:So no, no husband or boyfriend or man is a mind reader.
SPEAKER_00:No, so now I am quick. Hey, babe, I feel I need how can we get through this together? And we have a great partnership today.
SPEAKER_03:I love that so much. So you you mentioned that you were dying. Please explain what it what happened.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so I like I said, I was heavily reliant on medication, and I was on like a ton of meds at in 2023, and they called about a new one. They're like, Oh, just try it, and I was like, whatever. And I wasn't processing emotions, I was numb to the world, I was unmotivated, I was 420 pounds, my hair was falling out, my thyroid didn't work. I mean, it was it was terrible. But when they called me and I tried this new medication, suddenly I was feeling happy and sad and crying, and I didn't have flat affect anymore. I had emotion in my face, I was motivated, so they started tinkering with everything else. And like I said, I have to get zofacted bipolar type, so you have to treat mania, depression, and psychosis. Well, and they took me off the medicine that would treat my mania, and I became extremely manic and entered a severe psychotic state, and I was bedbound basically. I had to go out of work and go on short-term disability. My husband was my caretaker, and they ended up a few months later increasing my medication called lithium. Now, lithium is a heavy metal used to treat bipolar disorder, although it's very common with mania.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And they added a new heavy dose of it. I had been on it for like 15 years, but the problem is when you take lithium, you have to get blood work because it is a heavy metal. And she did not. And pretty quickly there, I lost the ability to walk, talk, swallow. I was in diapers, I couldn't use a cell phone, I couldn't read or write, and nobody knew what was happening. And my husband would put me on video call with her, drooling, and she would just say, Rest, I'll see you in two weeks. Oh my gosh. Yeah, my husband didn't know what to do. It was it was terrifying for him. It was very traumatic for him, and we didn't have a lot of outside support, so it was kind of just us against the world. And then one day he put me in his truck for therapy, and the therapist called and she's like, You missed your appointment, are you okay? And I was only seeing life from the form of hallucinations at this point, so I didn't know where I was. I thought it was in the desert, and I knew something was wrong. I was seeing these white specks of light, my skin was crawling, I was vomiting. And I gathered enough strength and I said, Take me to the hospital. Not quite like that, but I said it. And we went to the mental hospital where they quickly discovered this was out of their scope, where I was rushed to the ER, and it was found that I had extreme lithium toxicity, serotonin syndrome, and an acute metabolic, I can't pronounce the last word, AME. I had a brain injury, and I was very combative at this point. So I was restrained and pulling out catheters, pulling out IVs, and I remember the nurse coming in and she said, Maddie, if you don't comply, you're gonna die. You're dying.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so they gave me a lot of fluids. That's the first course of action for poison, but it wasn't working, and unfortunately, it enlarged my heart. And when your heart's enlarging and failing, it flushes into your lungs. So the bottom half of both my lungs collapse. And the lithium was sort of coming out, but not fast enough. And they kept doing CT scans and EEGs on my head, they were doing EKGs around the clock, and then poison control decided for dialysis. So I ended up with two rounds of dialysis, but the problem now was I wasn't responsive. I couldn't, I was on a liquid diet, restrained to a bed for two weeks until I woke up. I had I have amnesia, I had no short-term memory, I didn't know why I was there, and they transferred me to the mental hospital, and I couldn't walk very well, I couldn't talk very well. It was, and I remember they gave me pen and paper, and I was like, I'm gonna teach myself how to write my name. So when I was there, I taught myself how to write my name, and you can't have a cell phone there, and they wrote down cell phone numbers for me, and I practiced reading and inputting into the landline, reading and inputting, and when I learned how to dial a phone, I got on the phone, I practiced talking, and all in all, I it was a hard recovery. When I came home, I still didn't know what had happened to me, but I thought I was dying because my body had been through so much. It was three weeks in the hospital, and when I did learn to read again and have the strength, I read my medical records, and this this fire burned in my belly, and I was like, I spent my 20s wanting to die, and here I am cheating death. Yeah, what is this means? Yeah, and so I got up for 30 seconds and walked to heal my heart and my lungs. And when I could, I got on the phone and I begged for a new team of doctors, I bugged for resources, I researched, and I made an ostracial. They told me it would be years, they thought it would be silent syndrome at first, and I would need to be an assisted living. Then they were talking a year's recovery, but I was back at work full-time three months after coming home. Yeah, and I formed my nonprofit four months after coming home. It's miraculous, it's a miracle. It took a lot of determination and resiliency. But when you put your mind to something, you can do anything.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh, that is incredible, Maddie. Thank you. Wow. I wow, it's it's crazy what can happen when we're not careful with I mean, medication is so I was always I asked all the questions. Yeah, and and I was so nervous. She has when we were doing the trial, it was like, oh, you can either get a placebo or you get like the actual medication. And I was like, oh my gosh, this kid is like, I don't know how this is gonna go because if she's not on medication, like this is gonna be rough. And so it was it was definitely difficult. And it was a medication, I don't even remember the name for it now, but it was uh medication that was typically used for seizures that was gonna be used for her bipolar disorder.
SPEAKER_00:That's pretty common with bipolar meds.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So, and I was like, I mean, I again this was years, years ago, like 10-ish years ago. So I I it I asked as many questions as I possibly could. It did help, and she stayed on the medication, and that was another thing. Like, okay, how does she stay on this medication post a trial because it's still not FDA approved for this particular situation? So, how does that work? It's so tricky when you are getting the correct cocktail or how to get to the correct cocktail because it's so much trial and error. Um, and and I don't like I was responsible for my child, and I'm like, you know, people would call me crazy for even attempting it. And I'm like, you guys don't understand. This is so difficult. This isn't something that because her dad was like, why is she on medication? And and so forth. And I'm like, because ninja, you are not here all the time. And when I call you when she's like having her fits and crying, you're like, she's she won't talk to me. Have her call me when she stops crying. And I'm like, at that point I got it. I don't know what to tell you. At that point, I've already handled the situation. So it was a lot of criticism from everybody. Everyone had their opinion, and I had to kind of like stay very like zoned into, okay, I'm just doing what's best for my child. I'm asking all the questions, I'm making sure that that it's something that is gonna help her. And and that's it. But that's super scary to even think that, you know, they didn't check for because blood work was super important when we were doing everything. And she was afraid of needles and she would combat people. And there was a situation when we had to do like a four-hour testing in the hospital and she kicked the nurse and like it, it was so exhausting. Um it was so exhausting. I remember I did that the day that I found out I had cancer again. So that 2015 I found I had cancer twice. They did surgery, removed the cells, and then I like later that year I found out I had cancer again. But that was the same day that we did that four-hour testing that took six hours. And it was also the same day that I like I had gotten into a fender bender because somebody somebody hit the back of my car and I found out that I had cancer. And I was just like, this day is just it was one thing after the next. But you know, it was I always understood that she like blood work was super important, that she couldn't just come off of a medication, that it had to be tapered off. I, you know, it was just so many things that you had to take into consideration. I cannot believe that your doctor didn't do those things. That's scary.
SPEAKER_00:I had that same doctor for about 15 years, and her methodology was let's put you on this drug maxed out. Oh, you have a side effect, let's put you on this drug, and it was just like feeding me pills, and I was so young and so sick, I didn't know how to advocate for myself. Yeah, and that was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. And by the time I was 30, I didn't have parents anymore, and I was navigating this on my own, and my husband knew some, but he wasn't really directly involved with my doctor visits. I was an adult, yeah. So I have learned to put my foot down about my care, to ask questions, to research, and speak for myself. Like, I respect that doctors have a degree and they know what they're talking about, but this is my body and my life. Like, it's gonna be a lifelong battle with me and doctors. Like, yeah, I feel like I'm battling my doctor now because she's new and doesn't really know my story, and is giving me a lot of pushback about how I want my care to be, but that's okay because I know what I'm capable of, I know what I need to get there, and she can respect it, or I can find a new doctor.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely. And I love that. One of the things that I still think about because my daughter has a hard time even calling a doctor, or she doesn't her now ex-boyfriend would be the one that would call doctors and make appointments. And like she'll I I've I've taken her again, she's an adult in her 20s, and I would take her to like the gynecologist. Yeah. And and she would they would ask her a question and she would look at me like, Are you gonna answer? And I'm like, girl, you need to learn how to talk. Yeah. And and speak up for yourself. And I tried to encourage that, also understanding that like she when she is stubborn about putting her foot down, I would rather just say it rather than her walking out of the room. So I have to kind of learn how to look at her mood and be like, I could push her a little more today, or today's not the day.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's great you're doing that. I was solo for a lot of my doctor's visits in my 20s, and I was that patient that was like, Oh, you think this? Oh, I'm fine then. Oh, okay. Like, I believed in talkers too much. I was overly compliant, and but we all have to learn, you know, we're not born knowing how to navigate these things.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely, yeah. I agree. So, how have you been able to maybe overcome some of the traumas that you've been through?
SPEAKER_00:Definitely. Well, I do have PTSD that started when I was four, and I can't say that I'm magically cured at all. Like, do I have flashbacks? Yeah, are they triggered because of my other mental health needs? Yes. I have this deep-rooted fear of being in trouble because of what happened to me, but to help with that, I try mindfulness, I meditate, I exercise, I attend therapy a lot, I communicate with my support network and I try to live in the present in a positive manner. Like, yes, this happened, but I can't go back and change that. I can't go forward and do anything else either. But if I can live positively in the future in the present, then maybe I can make this very moment better so that the next one and the next one. The next one, or even better, and I think it's a balancing act. You know, there's certain therapies out there for trauma like EMGR, but I'm not a good candidate for that because of my schizo-effective, it can trigger psychosis for me. So it's a lot of self-talk, it's a lot of distraction, reframing in my mind. I enjoy DBT therapy, learning skills to kind of combat that. And then it's always okay to not be okay. Yeah, like there's just gonna be moments where I don't feel okay, and that's okay too.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely. What is dbt therapy?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, dialectic behavioral therapy is a I like it because they teach a lot of like concreteness, is typically used for diagnoses like borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. There's like manuals for it, they have a lot of like groups that go with it, like so you'll do individual and group, but you know, cognitive behavioral therapy is like thought, behavior, action. That didn't really work for me because I can't always trace those things. Yeah, so DBT is like yes, you're having this, and here's an exact thing you can do in that moment. It's just a style of therapy that I really enjoy. There's other kinds, but I find it to be very useful.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I think that that that's like wonderful tools to put in your toolbox.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Um say it again, toolbox.
SPEAKER_03:Toolbox. I have learned that I have my own tools that I need to put in my toolbox, and what may have not worked in that moment doesn't mean that it will never work. You know, it just there is, I don't know, as crazy as it sounds, I would not change a moment of what I've experienced with anything in my life because it has all brought me to who I am today, what I've learned. I would not be the same person, I would not have the same type of empathy, I would not be as compassionate, I would not have the same kind of love for myself and others if I wouldn't have gone through the things that I went through. And yeah, those tools have become again, one of the things with my daughter when I started to wake her up early, that was a tool in my toolbox. Yeah. That was like, oh, okay, this might be a better idea so that we can start our day in a positive note. And she did do some self-harms as well, but she was a lot of negative self-talk. And when she had moments, there would be exterior talk that would kind of chip away at that because I needed it for myself when they were younger. That I would take them to school, we would start our day with what we called the wonderfuls. And so each of them, all three of them, would say three times, something wonderful will happen to me today, and repeat that three times. And then they would say, uh, I am one thing that they were grateful for. So, you know, fo let's focus on gratitude. And it couldn't be the same thing you said yesterday and the day before. Give me something different because it helped look for different things in their life that they were grateful for. And then the third thing was I need three I am statements. So I am brave, I am smart, I am beautiful, you know, like something that is positive self-talk. And so before they got out of my car to go to school, we would start our wonderfuls. And so each of them would go through the things that they needed to say before school.
SPEAKER_00:And then we're kindred spirits. Like I'm saying, I do too. Like the first thing I do when I wake up is set a positive intention for the day. When I journal, I write gratitude lists, I put stickies of self-love in my house. And you know, as far as a toolbox, back in the day I had a tangible toolbox. When I learned a skill, I got an item that represented that skill. And when I was in crisis, I could go pick it up. And today at my desk, when I learned a new DBT skill, I print it out and put it on my wall. I like it, it's so important. But yeah, I think kindness and positivity can really take you far in life. And like you said, I don't regret a moment of my life. Has it been hard? Absolutely. But would I change any of it? Absolutely not. Because I wouldn't be sitting here today doing what I do, enjoying life, living life, helping others if I hadn't been through what I had been through.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I agree. And that gives me so much hope. Because Isabelle, my daughter, my oldest, from the get-go, she has had the biggest heart for others that I could possibly imagine. And I knew that either she at some point was gonna work with children or with old people because she was just so super like caring. She had that aura of, you know, I see a baby and I'm like, come here, give me the baby because I need some babies in my life. And she has that kind of same aura. So from I think from 18 to like 21-ish, she was a preschool teacher. And I'm like, perfect. I knew it. Like, I knew that this is good. And at some point I feel like she's gonna work with old people. Like, she's just such a caring soul in her own head in moments, you know, that that those moments don't define her. Her her true authentic soul is just so sweet and so caring and so kind, and she wants to make sure that everyone is okay, but you don't necessarily see that when she's in a crisis moment.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I used to be a special education teacher, and I think what you're saying is true for a lot of us who live with this. We're our own worst enemy in our head, and it comes out one way, but our heart and our soul is so loving, and what we need the most is for the world to show us that love. Yeah, because I'm telling you, when we're in crisis like this, we are so negative with ourselves that we don't need it from the outside world at all, and we don't know what someone else is going through, we don't know that self-talk in our heads, we don't know how bad we feel. So that kindness, that empathy, it's not just about creating a better moment, it can really be about saving a life for somebody.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh, Maddie, we are kinder spirits. I I always say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and there's definitely something big that I feel connected with you. Yeah, I love that. So I know that there's probably many, but what limiting belief or roadblock did you have to overcome to get to where you are right now?
SPEAKER_00:I had to let go of the guilt and shame. You know, there's a lot of stigma related to mental illness, and I thought I had it to hide from the world. Like when I was a teacher, for example, I didn't disclose to anybody, and I was suffering so much personally. I was wearing that mask a little too much. And not to say that I need to go to work and say, hey, I'm Matt, he was schizoaffective, but there's something to be said about when you don't feel well and you can express that in a healthy way, and finding my community and my safe space where I can be me and relinquish that guilt and relinquish that shame and be proud of who I am, regardless of a diagnosis, allowed me to blossom and allowed me to be who I'm truly meant to be, and sometimes I get backlash for it or I get criticism, but you know what? That's just who I am, and I see these lecture videos at school of these doctors and lawyers who happen to live with these diagnoses and they're praised, and I think they're amazing and they give me hope. So, why can't I be that person too? So I try to take all that hate or sometimes ignorance online with a grain of salt because I'm just me. And why can I go and say I have a cold, I need help, but I can't say I'm having a bad day with my mental health and I need help? Like that question truly, truly perplexes me. Like I somebody told me, Well, this is supposed to be private, but why? I didn't choose this, it chose me, so why do I have to hide it like it's something to be ashamed of? I can't understand that part.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I agree. If someone says I have cancer, yes, you don't look at them like you should be ashamed of yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly.
SPEAKER_03:I yeah, I definitely, definitely agree. And again, I think that we're heading in a direction where I have never imagined hearing, oh, I need a mental health day. Where I never imagined a world that that would be a more common phrase than it is right now. So I am hopeful that we are heading in a direction where that will be better, where it's not a a secret, it's not something to be ashamed about. I hope that for you, for my daughter, for anybody dealing with any kind of mental health, I've dealt with depression after my sexual assault. I I was sexually assaulted at 16 and didn't say anything, kept it to myself until I was 19. But in that time frame, I became an adult and I went at 18 for my first Well Woman checkup, and he had given me HPV that caused cancer. And my first pap smear, they told me, Maria, you have cervical cancer. And I was like, what? And so, you know, 18, 19, and then again twice at 32. So I dealt with depression because I feel like when we carry dis-ease in the body, it creates disease. And so when I started to be able to speak up and talk about it and say the things that I needed to say and be open, that has allowed my spirit to feel free and to feel like I don't have to live with this secret of being ashamed of feeling guilty. I don't have to live with that. I can live so open and so free, and that should be enough.
SPEAKER_00:Well, if we're looking at statistics, one in five Americans will have a diagnosable mental illness. It doesn't discriminate. You may not have it now, but it can happen tomorrow. You know, anxiety is the most commonly diagnosed mental illness. We all have anxiety, that's a natural human emotion. So when it becomes interfering with your day-to-day life, is when it's diagnosed and we're all one step away from something traumatic happening that puts us over the edge. And if it's not you, it could be someone you love, a neighbor. Mental health is invisible, we don't know what other people are going through. So I find that a lot of people who don't want to talk about mental health maybe haven't had it impact their lives, but that doesn't mean it can't.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So just be kind about it all. It's free to be kind.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's so free to be kind. I agree. Oh my gosh, I have loved this so much. So give me kind of your daily habits or rituals that help you on a daily basis.
SPEAKER_00:Number one is I always practice good sleep hygiene and give myself enough time to relax, enough time to get at least eight hours, and enough time to gather myself in the morning with my cup of coffee. I carry out a strict routine at bedtime, I carry out a strict routine in the morning. I don't always get the same sleep patterns with my work schedule. I work like 80 to 100 hours a week. So it's kind of crazy. What do you do? Yeah, I'm in school full-time. I have pride to come with school. Today was my last day for the semester. I get a break. I run the nonprofit part-time, I run support groups for the nonprofit, and I work full-time as a peer supported and inpatient crisis unit Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Oh my gosh. I love it. Like you were talking about volunteer work and service work. Like it keeps me healthy. I don't look at any of this as work. Yeah. But I'm getting sidetracked. I limit my caffeine. I don't eat sugar. I exercise, I journal, I communicate how I'm feeling. I take my medicine, I attend therapy, I drink a lot of water, I do a lot of breathing exercises, and I try to stay in the moment. That's a general day-to-day. And when I don't feel well or I feel a symptom coming on, the best thing I can do is speak up early before it becomes a crisis. And you know, maybe it's nothing and it'll pass, or maybe I need a med adjustment or a coping skill, but it's about that self-recognition of my body and soul. How am I doing today? What do I need? What can I put into myself today to help the world?
SPEAKER_03:I love it so much. So much I could not be more grateful right now for this conversation. Oh my gosh. It definitely took a turn that I was not expecting. I was it, it was not on my bingo card to cry, but I love emotions, so I'm all about it. And thank you so much. It gave me so much hope. And I could probably 100% guarantee that my kids don't listen to my podcast. However, this particular one, I'm gonna make sure that my daughter listens to and my other two kids because I feel like they need to also understand what maybe we went through as a family. And it just definitely was difficult for them, but I want them to understand. And I've seen a change in their relationship in such a positive way. I love the fact that they will call each other now before that was just not the case. My daughter, Isabelle, she she would not allow me to hug her, touch her, anything the moment that she left my house. She turned 18, graduated, and left two days after she graduated to live with a boyfriend. And I was like, oh my God, I don't know if you're ready for this. You know, I was nervous in so many different levels because I know that physically she was 18 years old. Mentally, she wasn't there yet. And for me, like I had not taught her all the things that I wanted to teach her, and because she would not be able to process it. And with that being said, I'm so proud of her now because she owned that decision. Again, she's now 21, about to be 22, and they just broke up. So it was four years of basically her living on her own and learning how to pay bills and do all those things that I didn't get a chance to teach her to do because we weren't there. So after she left my house, the mom, can you come over? I need a hug. I was like, where do I meet you? Where am I meeting you for this hug? Because it was many, many years of I knew that her love language was physical touch. However, she wouldn't allow me to physically touch her. And I was like, what am I doing wrong? I did I do something wrong? And my own self-doubt would come through. And I would see her like hug her teachers and hug everybody else. And then I'm like, okay, but I can't touch you, okay? Right. Because my love language is physical touch as well. And so it was really, really hard for so long. And then when she started to call me and she's like, I just need a hug. And I'm like, as soon as I can get my keys and go, I'm there. And I saw this change in her that maybe she just needed that time away so that she could love and appreciate what what the our unit had. And so for so long, her siblings and her, it was always like this rift. They felt like she got a lot of the attention. She didn't understand why that was the case. She was very like physical with them. They were very physical with her. Like it was just tough. And so now that I see them, and my son went and picked her up and took her to her old place and got a bunch of stuff from there. And I'm like, see, I always told you guys that siblings are like the best friends that you will forever have. And so it's just been awesome to see that evolve. And yeah, I'm gonna make sure that my kids listen to this episode.
SPEAKER_00:In full transparency, it gave you hope, but it made me feel better too. Um, I had uh some negative feelings and maybe some symptoms this morning about being so transparent because somebody found my story and I was a little worried about that. Like, obviously, anybody can find it, but I was I called my friend and I was like, I think I'm doing the wrong thing here. Like, maybe I need to scrub the internet and start all over, and I was feeling kind of paranoid about it. But hearing you say it gives you hope, and hearing a story that's similar to mine, and knowing that we're in this together, it made me feel a lot better too. So thank you.
SPEAKER_03:Oh yay, this was like the best surprise ever. I'm so incredibly grateful, and yes, keep speaking up. I think that again, we felt so alone. Yeah, I'm gonna say we, because it wasn't just me, it was the kids, it was her, it was myself. Like we felt so alone, and that is a really hard place to be in. And you are seeing this now, even with the struggles that you continue to have, you're seeing it from a different perspective. So it does give so much hope to anybody that's dealing with.
SPEAKER_00:I felt alone most of my life. I had took me until a 35 years old to find one person with a diagnosis like mine who could relate to me. And when I did, I was like, why can't I meet more people? And that's the that's the basis of the nonprofit, right? Is building communities for people like me. So I think it's special when you can find someone you can relate to.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Where are you based out of?
SPEAKER_00:North Carolina.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. All right. Just I'm ever in the area. I want to hug.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, hit me up.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I will put all of your information in the show notes for listeners. Maddie, thank you so very much. Um my gosh, I'm so incredibly appreciative of this conversation. Listeners, again, I always say, I hope you got this as much as from this conversation as I did. But I truly, from the bottom of my heart, I could say that I got so much from this conversation. So thank you. And I hope you did as well. As always, peace out, guys. Love your life. Bye.
