When The Universe Locks You In A Sauna with Ana Victoria Cibrián

Abandoned in a hospital bed after a hysterectomy, Ana Victoria Cibrián hits a breaking point that forces one question: am I going to keep surviving, or am I finally going to live?

Ana Victoria grew up as the eldest of three siblings in a Spanish household marked by daily violence and abuse. By 21 she'd lost her father, and stepped into a caretaking role for her mother and younger brother far earlier than most people ever have to — long before she'd had the chance to process her own trauma. That survival pattern followed her into an eight-and-a-half-year relationship with a narcissistic partner, one that ended when he left her for another woman while she was recovering in the hospital.

We talk candidly about the grief that can follow a hysterectomy — identity, body image, and the quiet fear of being "less" afterward. I share my own story of sexual assault, cervical cancer, and how unprocessed pain can show up in the body over time. From Reiki and emotional healing to learning how to feel without getting overwhelmed, we explore what it takes to reconnect with yourself when your nervous system has been in fight-or-flight for years.

Ana also brings a fresh lens through transpersonal psychology and astrology, including Chiron, the wounded healer, to help make sense of how suffering can become service without minimizing what happened. We dig into emotional armor, boundaries, communication that feels safe, and why conscious relationships require both inner work and real relationship skills. If you're healing from trauma, recovering from narcissistic abuse, or trying to build emotional safety and intimacy, this conversation offers language and tools you can start using right now.

If this resonates, subscribe, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these stories of healing and resilience.

Connect with Ana Victoria Cibrián:
 🌐 Website: https://anacibrian.wordpress.com
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anavcibrian
📸 Astrology & Relationships Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/astrologiaparaelcambio
▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AstrologiaVincularyRelaciones

📖 NEW BOOK: Against All Odds: The Less Than 1% Chance
 I wasn't supposed to survive. As the surviving twin with less than a 1% chance at life, I've spent my whole existence beating odds nobody expected me to beat. In this memoir and anthology, I share my story alongside eight other unbelievable accounts of people who refused to let impossible circumstances write their ending, from cancer and addiction to childhood trauma and grief. Eleven stories. One roadmap for anyone who's ever been told "you can't."
 Get your copy here: https://books.by/love-your-life

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Ana Victoria

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to the Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people surviving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Hey, hey, welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte. I am so excited. We have a new friend all the way from Spain today speaking to us. I'm gonna quickly introduce her to you and then we could just get started with this amazing conversation. Ana Victoria Cibrian is a relationship specialist, educator, astrologer, and survivor of complex family trauma. For much of her life, she believed that being strong meant carrying everything on her own. Growing up in a family marked by trauma shaped the way that she saw relationships, responsibility, love, and survival. And those early experiences led her into a narcissistic relationship that became the most painful chapters of her life. When that relationship ended, she faced a series of extraordinary challenges, including a hysterectomy during a period of abandonment, grief, and emotional devastation. Welcome, Anna Victoria. Welcome to Against All Odds. I am so happy to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Thank you. Thank you for inviting me. It's a pleasure for me to be here with you.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Thank you so much. Give us a little bit of background. What is

Childhood Violence And Taking Responsibility

SPEAKER_03 1:35

your Against All Odds story and how are you where you are now?

SPEAKER_00 1:40

I had the feeling that was always all against me when I was a child, because I never liked to speak bad about my family or parents, but it was really difficult going up in that family because it was a really abusive and violent environment. This, of course, created some sort of protective shell in me that I was I wasn't aware of really because I had to be in charge. I was the eldest of three siblings, and I had to like carry the responsibility of the family, take care of my siblings as well. It was a constant struggle, violence every day in my family, and in my childhood. It was really difficult to be there. And then my father got sick and died. And then I felt responsible. And I took care of my mom and my little brother when I was 21 years old. Yeah, I was carrying everything on my shoulders, my education, upbringing, and also taking care of my mom financially. And there are other topics that I don't really want to talk about here because I don't I don't want to shame my family, but it was really hardcore, of course. That was all a quite painful experience. Then after that, yes, it felt like more and more I didn't know who I was. I was losing myself. And I had a couple of relationships that were, let's say, they were quite good, but synchronic also to something that happened astrologically. I don't want to speak about it here, but this is when I met a partner that was a narcissistic relationship. And I couldn't understand how I came to experience again an abusive relationship with a partner. I just couldn't believe it because I promised myself that I was never going to do that. And then I found myself like at a certain point after I digested it, I didn't want to be the victim, and I allowed it to happen. It was really, I ended up in a hospital. I was caring, like, yeah.

Narcissistic Relationship And Hospital Abandonment

SPEAKER_00 3:55

This is when I got my hysterectomy, and this is when my partner decided to abandon me for another woman when I was in the hospital.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Yeah. It was super painful. And I didn't know where I got the strength from, but this was the point in my life where I decided that my story or my experience was not going to be only for me or for myself. I didn't want to work for myself. I wanted to put myself at the service of others. And I had to go through a really long transformation period where I had to reconnect with myself. And also through the journey, throughout the whole journey, I learned so many things that in the end I decided that I wanted to help women.

SPEAKER_04 4:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Like me, women who had a difficult story, or women who are independent and they cannot have fulfilling relationships. I wanted to help them doing that with the whole journey that I was going through.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Yeah, I'm sorry that's everything that you went through. I had a full hysterectomy. I don't know how old you were, but I was 32 when it happened. And so I completely can relate to feeling, and it's so many things, right? Because you're grieving the identity of womanhood, you're grieving the loss of a part of you. And then on top of that, you're then you're being abandoned. That's so many things. About a month and a half after my hysterectomy, I found out that my partner at the time was cheating on me and living with another woman. And so it was again all of these things that you're like, oh my God, I already feel internally like I am not myself. I feel like I'm such a different person. I feel like something was ripped out of me that was supposed to be mine for my whole life. And

Maria On Assault Trauma And Cancer

SPEAKER_03 6:05

then on top of that, it's the blow after blow of feeling those the additional abandonment, which in retrospect, I feel like I look back and like we were talking about, I feel like life always happened for me, right? Something better came and I got stronger. And it was like another foundation to my resilience. And so I feel like that's what you found was yeah, this was like a horrible relationship, and you ended up in the hospital with the surgery, but you found those were all foundations to make you this strong woman that still goes through things and still has all these emotions, but is there to now help guide other women that are experiencing similar situations?

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Exactly. Yeah, what you said, like um I was 44 when I got my hysterectomy, so I had very clear that I didn't want to have children with all the background that I had.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Yeah, the trauma.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

I already had a mother, the my mother, so I didn't want to have children. And it was a really challenging chapter, even knowing that I was not going to have children, because it was like we have an identity associated with a woman, and it was like, okay, this is the end of it, and also the way you face relationships is totally different.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

If you get together with someone and they want to have children, but you cannot give them that. Exactly. This this is uh this was something, it was something that was very challenging for me, and I also noticed during all this process how difficult it was for me to feel because my body somehow my emotions were totally numbed, yeah, and I was that I don't feel anything super hard or uh strong. And inside I really didn't know how to handle this volcano and everything that I had to gone through and not the intensity of my emotions because I really feel with a lot of intensity, and that was very interesting because that helped me also find a mentor, a woman who did some healing sessions for me, and then she trained me as an emotional healer, and also started to work with that, and I realized how difficult it is in general for all of us to feel to be connected, especially with discomfort, with things that are not so beautiful, and how stressful is for everyone to manage that, and how much help do we need with that actually, because it was overwhelming me, actually. Yeah, the whole situation was overwhelming me. That was something also like reconnecting with being able to feel again and feel everything without going crazy and allow myself to feel that was a really beautiful meeting.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Yeah, I had I you say that I had an experience after, and I've talked about it in different episodes before, but this was the I think that um your body when you are in dis-ease, it creates diseases, right? It manifests in these diseases, and I feel like I'm very open with my story. When I was 16, I was sexually assaulted. And when uh I stayed quiet because I'm from a very Hispanic Catholic household, and that was not to be talked about. And I felt guilt and shame because this 26-year-old man decided that they he wanted to do what he did to me, and so I was 16 years old, I stayed quiet, didn't say anything to anyone. When I went for my first Well Woman checkup at 18 by myself because I was an adult and I could go to the doctor by myself, and I went and got my very first pap smear, it came back with cervical cancer, and there was no history of cervical cancer, I had never experienced any of that. And I went to starting to ask the doctor, I was like, why? Why is this? And he's like, Well, you had the HPV strand that caused cancer. Well, the person that gave me that HPV strand that caused cancer was the man that assaulted me. So it all stemmed from this one thing, right? And so I did a surgery that they basically cut off the part of my cervix that was affected with the cancer. And so he was like, Okay, well, we'll check you back every six months. Well, the first six months everything was fine. The second six months it had come back. So they did a different kind of surgery that they froze everything. And at the follow-up, the doctor was like, uh, Maria, you're probably not gonna be able to have kids. And I was like, What? I am 19 years old and I've always wanted kids that that was something that I envisioned for my life. So I was engaged at the time to my now ex-husband, but we ended up getting married. I finally told my parents after a really difficult I was 19, so it was three years later, but I've I told them what happened and they reacted the way that I thought was gonna happen. They were going to insult me and not necessarily be the loving and supportive parents that I needed at the time. And looking back before my dad passed away, I had this conversation with both my parents, and I was like, I am not judging you on this conversation, isn't coming out of judgment because I have now, spoiler alert, my own three kids, and I understand that there's no manual on how to deal with any of them. And I've gone through situations where I'm just doing the best that I can, and that's all that I can give to them is literally the best that I can because there's no way to know exactly how to deal with every single situation for every single child. They're so different. So I'm coming to you with this conversation, letting you know that I understand and I'm not blaming you for not knowing how to react to when I told you this. But what I needed in that moment was love and support and a hug and feeling that family support, and I didn't get that. And I need you to know that is all I needed in that moment, and I feel like I I didn't get that. I had amazing parents, I was daddy's girl through and through. He was just a loving father, but there was these boundaries of this cultural and religious background that they didn't know how to process the fact that if you think about it, having my own kids, I would feel immensely guilty if I wasn't able to protect my babies. And so I could imagine that what they were experiencing in that moment was oh my god, my baby went through this and I wasn't there to protect her. So their reaction not wasn't necessarily towards me, it was towards themselves. But I look at it and they didn't know how to express it in a way that was showing what I needed.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

And so I had that conversation with them, and it ended up being that my mom, which was never really, she was never really the affectionate hugging. She was the first one to give me the hug that I needed. And I was like, oh my God. I was very prepared for them to not react the way that I needed. And so I was like, okay, after this, I have time to go to like a park and just connect and just like be there for myself and be the parent that I needed for to myself. But you know, thankfully that's not what happened. And I was very blessed for them to just kind of be there. But I was 38, 39 years old when I had that conversation with them, and this happened to me. So it took me like 20 plus years for me to have this conversation with my parents. All that to say is I feel like I kept all of that emotion and all of that hurt and all of that trauma in my hips. And I at a moment in

Reiki And Relearning How To Feel

SPEAKER_03 15:10

time, I was in the travel industry and I had this friend of mine that funny enough, she texted me right before our conversation. So it was like, oh my gosh, maybe I just need to talk about this. I didn't know why. But she was like, I'm gonna gift you this massage at my hotel. And I was like, Oh, okay, perfect. I didn't know what any of this was. It was called a healing energy massage, and I was like, What is that? And she's like, Believe me, I'm not even gonna tell you anything. It's just amazing. I spent, I didn't know that it was Reiki. Reiki has now become a you know, something I'm very aware of and know very well. But for the first time, I told her I was like, I can't have you touch my lower back. And she did her her thing, and I cried for a good hour of that massage because she broke up the energy that I was holding in my back, in my lower back, and it was the most healing massage I had ever had. And I was like, I didn't even know what it was then. It was something completely new, but it was so powerful, and it's so beautiful. The little the things that come into our life, like the lady that came into your life and helped you heal. Those are those little nuggets that we can then grow from, and I think it's so beautiful. I had several meetings and several mentors to this part, but this was really a one magical encounter with this woman because she trains healers internationally, and I guess it was the most important part to reconnect with the emotional or uh yeah, the emotional body, yeah, yeah, which it was very, very, very blocked, and I was not aware of it, and uh, it was at a moment where I wasn't even able to eat, I couldn't swallow food because I was so sad, and you're holding all that, and your throat was so a few episodes ago, I was interviewing somebody, and we were talking about something very specific, and I started like coughing at that time, and she's like, It's so funny that you're coughing in this moment as we're talking about releasing the throat chakra, or yeah, and the things that look into why in that specific moment you are coughing out of nowhere because you were just fine, so yeah, it's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah, and well, it's amazing how you say, like, against all odds, there are stories out there, and we're not the only ones of people who have gotten through really painful experiences, and have gotten something beautiful out of it, and in spite of all the pain and all the suffering, all the sorrow, that this is something that we shouldn't um overlook. But there was a gift inside of it, and this is this is something really admirable for this this quality of resilience or finding somehow a purpose. This has a name in astrology, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Yes, tell me,

Chiron And Meaning Inside Pain

SPEAKER_03 18:40

I want to hear.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

It is Chiron. I would like to look at your chart and see because you probably have a prominent Chiron in your chart.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

Yeah, I love that. I find it all very fascinating. I think that as I've gotten older, I've grown more spiritual and very aware of all the different things around me. I'm very open spiritually to whatever things I need to hear, whatever things that are in my life. I love the moon, the sky, the like I just the ground, just give me nature. My kids call me hippie, and that's totally fine with me. I just I feel very growing up, I think, in a very religious household, it I was scared to be like, but I love I understand, I understand you because I also grew up in a very religious, like really strict religious environment.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Yeah. And of course, for me also to open up and be myself and dedicate my life to all these weird things that nobody understands in my family, like astrology, tantra, what is all this, and living the life in the terms that you are living your life, which is not by the book. Nobody understands a thing. But this this has also given me some kind of direction, yeah, and sense, meaning, and purpose.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah, which is a beautiful metaphor.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah, if when we find inside of there's a very beautiful metaphor about Chiron, and it's in the heart of grace is disgrace, and in the heart of disgrace is grace. This is a paradox, it is a paradox, and it is true, like finding the purpose and not overlooking all the pain and the trauma, and this really needs to be embraced and needs to be held and needs to be looked at with love and compassion, but also like we cannot dwell there forever because otherwise, yeah, it's uh it's not a good, it's not the most beautiful place to be.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

Yeah, yeah. It's hard to to um uh experience these things, and then I at the same time wouldn't change anything that I would have that I've gone through because I wouldn't be who I am today if that wouldn't have happened. If those building blocks, that foundation wouldn't have been set, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't see the world the same way, I wouldn't have the empathy that I have, I wouldn't have the compassion and the love for other people and that I have now. So I believe that, you know, when you look back and you're like, oh my God, you have been through so much. But then as that person, you see life with so much more beauty and love and compassion and empathy, and you see everybody on their own journey. So it's so hard sometimes to look at others. And my kids, my oldest is 22, my son is about to be 21. And I and it's such a different perspective, and I'm like, and the judge. Judgment of others. And I'm like, you don't know what that person is going through. You have to understand that everybody's on their own journey. If you're further along, then sometimes you're gonna be the light that pulls that person towards their path. But there shouldn't be the judgment of, well, you know, they should know already, or they're grown, they should know. And I'm like, you don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

There is a lot of mental judgmental crap around, you know, when we don't really know. And I would like, I wish that we could, as well as set boundaries, of course, this is important, but listen more, listen more, be more present with like why don't we want to listen to the other people or person's story or what this person is going through, what this person is living. And when we want to stick to, I don't know, to ideologies or role plays or ourselves, or putting ourselves in front of my trauma is better than yours or worse than yours. And I don't know, I wish there would be more presence and listening. Yeah, understanding and compassion because you might think this person, I don't know, is so stupid, crappy, whatever.

Compassion Without Losing Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 23:15

That doesn't mean that you have to accept some sort of behavior, of course. I exactly, but we don't know, like judging what this person is going through or where it comes from, or how this person should be or should behave and so on. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

I think this is when my ex-husband and I separated, my expectation of the parent that he needed to show up as was an expectation set from what I grew up with or who I was as a parent. And so this was something that I had to learn that the fact that he was there every other weekend, the fact that he took them every other week in the summer, the fact that he showed up the way that like he did a good job because he exceeded the uh experience that he had. His dad didn't show up the way that you know, and he loved his dad, but his dad didn't show up the way that he did. So he did so much better. And so when I stopped having that expectation of you have to behave the way that I do, and and I was 28 years old when we separated, so I was still learning so much, and I'm still learning so much, but I had to learn to not judge him for how I think that he should act. That's his own journey, and the way that he's shown up for our kids is so much better than what he got. So he's doing a great job because in his mind he's already elevated himself from what he experienced, and it stops getting me frustrated because when we have that expectation of someone else, it doesn't mean that there's still the boundaries of this is what what I'm going to allow. But there the expectations start stopped being so high, and I allowed him to be who he needed to be in his own journey as a parent, and so it was a lot of growth in that because at first there's this anger, like, no, he needs to show up like this, and I can't I can't be on that journey for him. Yeah, it's true, that's crazy. So, kind of looking back, how do you

Survival Patterns That Keep You Stuck

SPEAKER_03 25:45

think a lifetime of survival patterns contributed to your eight and a half year narcissistic relationship?

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Absolutely, because first I was not able to acknowledge what I was feeling because I was always masking myself, yeah, because I didn't know how to handle my own emotions. I was either creating a conflict or not expressing them because I didn't want to rock the boat. Yeah, so I didn't know how to have difficult conversations, I didn't understand also from the beginning. This man was giving me signs of he would hurt me and I was there and continued to be with him because I didn't want to be abandoned.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

So it was so crazy journey that I was like, I would have never thought that I would be in this place and tolerating an abusive relationship like this. It was yeah, again, and I promised myself as a child that I was not going to be in that kind of relationship as an adult again, judging, you know, and that can lead you to okay, you can go through this journey to have some more empathy and compassion, you know, for these kind of experiences, you know, for the people who are there, and then you really don't know how to get out of this. But I discovered that it was me allowing all this to happen, it was not him, it was me, and I was there completely engaged in the pain. Yeah, so of course, the not being able to set boundaries, not recognizing myself, being always humiliated and abused in my childhood, of course, it contributed to me entering this kind of relationship, yeah, all the way. I can see clearly, and it took me uh a long journey to transform completely the relational pattern, yeah. Yeah, and it was very painful for three years. I was also quite in pain and grieving because I felt so much anger at the end and the way that things ended, and he abandoned me in the hospital, and you know, in front of me with the other woman, it was like oh my god, it's like the ultimate thing. I just I don't know, I just uh wish them the worst, of course. And for me, there was a moment that was uh very interesting moment because we were going to the same club, and there is a little sauna there, and I was always feeling triggered when I saw him. I know that I had that the there was uh still some sort of interesting, not process story with him. And uh, one day we coincided in the sauna, and by the way, that day I had like my buddy was speaking out loud, saying, I'm going to meet him in the sauna, and we're going to be alone, just the two of us, which is something impossible because this sauna is plenty of people, and then after four hours or so of me articulating, verbalizing this aloud, I went down to the sauna and there he was. And we were there inside the sauna for like 20-25 minutes, and I realized finally there was something calm inside me. I didn't want to kill him, I didn't want to, you know. Yeah, because you didn't want that original reaction of like ah, so for me it was like the moment of like, wow, I I think I've just come, you know, made peace with this story somehow. It was an interesting, funny story, a funny joke, cosmic joke. Yes, no, yeah, like we we together closed up in the sauna and like all right.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

It was I but I love that because it was your the proof maybe that you needed to see that you have you're past this and you've

Dropping Emotional Armor In Love

SPEAKER_03 29:55

grown, you've healed. Now he also can see that you don't need him, that you're past this situation, and you know it was the the cosmic ha ha ha to him. Look at me.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

It was a cosmic joke.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Um so you often talk about the difference between surviving and truly living. What helped you recognize the emotional armor you had built around yourself?

SPEAKER_00 30:28

That yeah, I somehow have always the feeling because uh I very my consciousness works a lot in duality, polarity, and so on, that I can hold a paradox. I'm holding paradoxes all the time. And so, on one hand, of course, being in survival mode is always like your nervous system is completely activated all the time, yeah. And also you can feel helpless and like there's nothing, like there's nothing for me, or I'm a loser, or yes, like just living to the limit. And this is something that has changed profoundly in me, and also like on one hand, I know that life can bring really difficult challenges, and on the other hand, I feel protected, and I know that there's a force, a driving force, a regenerative force, or that life somehow is supporting me in anything that I do. So this was um important acknowledgement. And what was the second question that you made?

SPEAKER_03 31:40

So, what helped you recognize the emotional armor you had built around yourself?

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Feeling completely down and feeling so sad and helpless at that point where I started with the emotional healing. That was the point where I started to recognize that I was wearing an armor and started to work on the armoring and being able to show up, step up for myself, and always this was a training, really, being able to speak from my feelings and from my truth. It was something that I didn't feel uh able to do. And I recognized how hard even my body was, and how hard I was also towards myself.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Yeah, yeah, we're usually the hardest on ourselves, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Very demanding, and well, I guess all the work that I have been doing that has been more emotional, somatic, and so on has helped me recognizing that there there was an armor, and I'm not saying that I cannot armor myself if I am not aware of it.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

So I need to be aware of it because this is a phenomenon that can happen naturally to every person feeling threatened or triggered, or yeah, you can immediately put that armor on really quick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

I need to recognize it also, like with my partner, and I've done a lot and I train, I educate women on this, I go with them all the way into creating fulfilling relationships. Yeah, but I also have to be aware of myself of this phenomenon when I'm armoring myself up in front of my partner, because this is where the disconnection happens. So at the very moment where I I drop the armor and I show what's happening and I show my feelings and I show the truth, it's amazing, amazing connection, amazing, especially because I am not abandoning myself.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

Yeah, yeah. That's I think that's actually providing additional love and support in that moment to yourself. You're giving yourself more because as you make yourself aware of the fact that you're putting up those walls or that armor, when you realize it, then you're like, okay, I am safe. I've done this. You start taking that armor down and allowing the emotions to be known either to yourself or to your partner. I've experienced that myself with my partner, that I've realized that when I having been a single mom for many years, it was just like responsibilities were just on me. Like there was no one else that could take care of it. I handled everything. And so when I have to kind of step back and allow him to take responsibility and him doing so, you know, with with love and support. And I'm like, what is happening? I have to be like, you are safe, you are good, you are in a loving relationship, he's here. Like, I have to remind myself because my immediate like wall goes up, and then I'm like, no, no, just tell him that you are feeling a little bit apprehensive, or tell him that you're like you felt that wall going up and why you felt that wall going up, and having those conversations actually deepens your relationship so much more, and it's beautiful, it's so beautiful when that happens.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

Yeah, so yes, it's something that even when you we have done a lot of work, and I even myself I do this work professionally with others. I always have to be aware of when I am doing that, because sometimes it can happen unconsciously, yeah, and then I feel it, but there is a very subtle and keen sensor sensitivity going there and immediately detecting, hey, this is the hard part. Let go of that, show yourself, let him see you, yeah, and it's really beautiful what happens. So it's not that this cannot happen, but you can develop this sense of the awareness to understand okay, whenever this phenomenon is beginning, I can I can let it go.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Yeah, yeah. It's actually so beautiful, and like I said, it helps you grow the strength within yourself, but it also strengthens, I think, your relationship so much more when you let that down, and you're like, okay, so this is actually what was happening and why I reacted the way that I did.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

Actually, the without the emotional connection and emotional safety, there is no relationship whatsoever. There's also no polarity engine working, like attraction, sexuality, it all feeds up from the emotional connection. That's why it's so essential to go there, and especially people who have gone through traumatic events, who can also be quite compassionate people, huh? Yeah, yeah, because you have our understanding for pain and difficult situations, but at the same time, uh, there's a tendency to abandon oneself. Like, yeah, I'm there for everyone else, but I'm not there for myself for me. And this is also something that I would like to bring awareness

Astrology Tantra And Purpose Driven Healing

SPEAKER_00 37:30

about because there's this is important in the relational field, because yes, we need this self-awareness, it's super important to do this self-work and this connection with the self, but we also need to develop the relationship skills to understand how to let's say influence the relational field and create fulfilling relationships because with self-work, just self-work, is not going to work. You're going to end up very, very alone.

SPEAKER_03 38:01

Yes, agreed, agreed. My boyfriend and I went through a very tough year. Not this year has been amazing, but last year, and it was a lot of us not having that communication. And I got these conversation starter cards years ago, and I pulled them out and I started doing them. I just started texting them to him. And my vow to myself was I'm just gonna be completely honest when he's answering the question. I'm gonna respond with full honesty because at this point, what do I have to lose? And it has been the most beautiful growth in our relationship that makes me feel safe and loved and seen and heard and and cherished and all of that. And it's crazy because all I had to do, and this was a huge lesson to myself, was I had to like I know that I feel all these emotions, but if I'm not letting him know, how is he supposed to know that this is all happening?

SPEAKER_00 39:11

He's never going to know. There's also a way to share because this is a quite um challenging space. Emotions always can create triggers and defensiveness in the other. So there are specific frameworks to do that in a way that feels safe also for the man to feel vulnerable, which is amazing. This is really beautiful when we learn how to develop these skills. First, of course, we need to show ourselves because otherwise the partner cannot get used to you, and second, we can also create this kind of safe container for a man to be able to express also or reciprocate.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So, how did emotional awareness, a transpersonal perspective and astrology help you transform decades of pain into a purpose and a life dedicated to helping others?

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Very interesting because what I realized through the transpersonal and the study of the transpersonal through astrology, because everything is written in the cosmic code, because it's the cosmic soul, the language of the soul, the language of life is encoded, encrypted in astrology. I've been studying astrology for 34 years, and I have a practice, and I do all sorts of consultations, go to congresses and do conferences, everything. And it was very beautiful because the drama that we live in is not our personal story. It is something universal. And there are some universal factors, like say encryptions, that are creating all these dramas that we are living, experiencing it, of course, individually, at least this is my own drama, but in the end, it's something that is a universal story somehow. So it helped me understand that I can be myself beyond my biography. And this is something that helps a lot, also my clients, because there is something that is beyond biography, your family and everything. And this is extremely empowering because you understand that you are embodying this sacred language of life, and the way we embody with our consciousness this sacred language of life can change a lot the way we experience life. Yeah, that doesn't mean that we are not going to live all those challenges, but the way we respond to it. So it helped me a lot to not forget or not to dwell in my past or, as I said, my story or my biography, but to transcend it somehow. And that doesn't mean that I am illuminated. But it's a really powerful language, and of course, emotional awareness was everything to me because everything starts with emotional awareness. Everything else, like when we are in touch with what is alive in ourselves. Emotional is not only emotional, and I'm going to use a word here, I hope that they don't censor you, and sexual, huh? Emotional and sexual, and they're deeply connected. And once I understood this phenomenon, I could really relate to that because it seems like this is, I don't know, second category, or it is not important. We treat also the sexual as something that is just merely reproductive or recreative or just merely genital, let's say, and it's something more profound than that. So this took me also years of research, and I also went to a tantrum school in Holland for many years. Yeah. So I was, let's say, getting an education because nobody taught me this and how to really embody this. My body understood what is this phenomenon of energy, for example. And it was so beautiful and so extremely revealing on how if we don't reconnect this part of ourselves, we're not feeling all. Oh, absolutely it is, taboo, and especially in religious societies or religious cultures like the ones you and I were brought up. And it's such a it's such a pity the way we treat this with such a lack of respect, I would say.

SPEAKER_03 43:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:59

And it's Important to understand and to also gain the awareness on how

Worthiness Beliefs And Self Talk Practice

SPEAKER_00 44:05

to handle our own emotional and sexual energy, especially in intimate relationships.

SPEAKER_03 44:11

Yeah, I agree. So, what limiting belief or roadblock did you feel you had to overcome to get to where you are today? One of the bigger ones, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

A lot. I cannot name them. I think I have too many. So many. Of course, you're not worth it. You don't deserve it. You can't make it. Blah. There's so many. Maybe I don't have them all in my on my list, but I have many.

SPEAKER_03 44:42

Yeah. And it's crazy because I ask this question all the time. And so many are so similar. It all comes down to like, I didn't think I was worthy. I wasn't enough. It all kind of trickles down to that if you get to the root of it. And it's so beautiful to see that we all share that same feeling and emotion. And to see that you can still have the success and love and live life. That can still happen, even though there's those little things in our head that are saying something. When we really connect to our heart and to who we really truly what we're true, what this human experience is truly here for us to learn. I think that it's so beautiful that we can still be successful, live a life of purpose, even though we all felt and heard the same thing up here. So I think that's really I think it connects us as all humans.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

So how can we learn to let life circulate through us without getting attached to it? Like without we need like how can you recognize it, feel it, let it go through you without getting attached to it?

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Yeah, absolutely. So what is maybe a daily habit that has or a ritual that has helped you just reach this level of success and peace and where you are now?

SPEAKER_00 46:45

Oh I when I started to tell myself, Anna, I love you, you're doing great. I started to, I don't know, some kind of parenting that uh which doesn't mean that you know you cannot make mistakes and so on, but I started to talk to myself differently and to be more kind, to be kind to myself also. As I was kind to others, I started to be kind to myself, and I did it a lot, and I recognized that that that had a very positive effect, and also believing, always believing in myself. There was, I don't know, for some reason, there was some sort of unconditional faith and trust in myself, and I'm very grateful for that, yeah, because I actually never gave up on myself.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

Yeah, and that's so powerful.

Where To Find Ana And Goodbye

SPEAKER_03 47:45

So, so powerful. Anna, this has been amazing. Thank you so much. Tell our listeners where they can find you, and I will also share all of that in the show notes as well.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

Okay, well, I mostly publish in Spanish, and so I have an astrology channel on YouTube called Astrologia Vincular in Relaciones Conscientes, so relational astrology and conscious relationships. And I also have a blog, anasibrian.wordpress.com. I publish there, it acts as my website because I'm preparing my website and the work that I do with women that I mostly do in English. Oh, okay. Yeah, I have a little Instagram channel, I have also a Facebook group where it's share a lot of things there inside the Facebook group. I also have the programs and so on. They you can see something on my blog website. Okay. Now I'll put that in the show notes so that people say also like the Facebook group is something interesting if there are women in the audience that would like to explore this work, and they can come into the group and I share lots of things there. It's a free experience.

SPEAKER_03 49:01

Yeah, I will definitely put everything in the show notes. I'm excited for our listeners to join and experience you. So thank you so much for this conversation. It was amazing. I'm so grateful that you were able to jump on today, even with all of the technology issues that we had starting. But I think it was so worth it. Thank you so much for listening today, and I hope that you all have an amazing rest of your day. Peace out, guys. Love your life.

SPEAKER_04 49:32

Bye.