Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
Maria highlights stories of people that have been the "less than 1% chance" and have come out of their situations thriving and seeing life as happening FOR them and not TO them! Inspiring and empowering stories that will show you that against all odds you can make it through anything!
Against All Odds Podcast, The Less than 1% Chance with Maria Aponte
We Made A Plan And God Laughed: Jessica Terry on Foster Care, Infertility & Trusting God's Timing
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A foster placement can turn you into a parent overnight and still ask you to live with uncertainty every day after. Maria Aponte sits down with Jessica Terry, a wife, homeschool mom, foster and adoptive mom, and founder of The Village He Builds, to talk about the real path to motherhood when infertility, courts, trauma, and faith all collide.
We get honest about what it feels like to wait and wait for the life you imagined, then realize your "answered prayer" may arrive in a totally different form. Jessica shares how she learned to love kids from hard places while navigating case plans, reunification realities, and the complicated truth that adoption and foster care both begin with grief. We also dig into empathy, including why understanding a birth parent's story can change how you show up for the child, and why it's never a competition for who matters most in a kid's life.
You'll hear clear guidance on misconceptions around foster care vs adoption, the difference between private adoption and adopting from foster care, and why people need to stop treating foster care like a family-building shortcut. Jessica also explains how she built The Village He Builds to create an intentional support network for foster and adoptive moms and "waiting hearts" walking through infertility.
If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs a village, and leave a review so more families can find these stories.
Connect with Jessica Terry:
Instagram (The Village He Builds): https://www.instagram.com/thevillagehebuilds
Facebook: Jessica Terry https://www.facebook.com/jessica.Chrstina.585
Instagram (personal): https://www.instagram.com/jess_christina_t
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I wasn't supposed to survive. As the surviving twin with less than a 1% chance at life, I've spent my whole existence beating odds nobody expected me to beat. In this memoir and anthology, I share my story alongside eight other unbelievable accounts of people who refused to let impossible circumstances write their ending, from cancer and addiction to childhood trauma and grief. Eleven stories. One roadmap for anyone who's ever been told "you can't."
Get your copy here: https://books.by/love-your-life
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Welcome And Meet Jessica
SPEAKER_00Welcome back to the Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte, where we will hear stories of incredible people surviving against all odds. And my hope is that we can all see how life is always happening for us, even when we are the less than 1% chance.
SPEAKER_01Hey, hey, welcome back to Against All Odds, the Less than 1% Chance podcast with your host, Maria Aponte. I'm so excited for another amazing conversation that I just feel it in my belly that it's gonna be so cool to just connect with this amazing mama. I'm just gonna quickly introduce her so we could just get started. Our guest today is Jessica Terry. She is a wife, homeschool mom, foster and adoptive mom, children's ministry leader and founder of the village he builds. After spending years navigating foster care, adoption, infertility, and the complexities of loving children from hard places, Jessica has become a passionate advocate for families and youth. Her story is one of faith in the waiting, finding purpose in the unexpected, and learning that we were never meant to walk life's hardest seasons alone. I could relate so much to your story just by your intro. Jessica, welcome to Against All Odds. I am so happy to have you here with us today.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. It's an honor. I'm so excited to be on today.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
A Long Road To Motherhood
SPEAKER_01I always love to start with just getting a little bit of background. What is your against all odds story?
SPEAKER_03I feel like, oh gosh, I feel like that's such a loaded question. I'm like running through different parts of my life in my head of like what I felt like was against all odds. And I feel like more than maybe just being one thing, it was just a lot of different hardships I feel like that should have taken me out that didn't. So from going through a divorce in my younger 20s to dealing with fertility issues to now going through foster care and adopting my kids, I feel like that maybe my against all odds story is simply that I was called to be a mom and a lot of things became in the way of that happening. And just the persistence of loving people from hard places eventually got me to that place. And I think a lot of the what I beat was probably in my head and my mind, and having to not give up because anybody who's gone through any type of issue where you've got to wait and wait and hope and wait and pray and do all the things, your mind can be the first thing that takes you out. And so I think for me that is probably the thing I've had to overcome the most, honestly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Oh my gosh, I could totally relate. We were chatting before we started to record, and I was 19 when the doctor told me that I couldn't have kids, and I was like, wait a second, what? And I look back now and I'm like, oh my god, I was a baby. Because my kids got married at 19 and immediately started trying. And my I had my first at 21, and then my second at 22, and then by the time I was 25, I had my third, and I had three kids under five, which was a lot, and now they're like almost they're almost all adults now. So it's crazy, but I remember that feeling of the patience and the emotional roller coaster of really hoping that this is the time that it takes, and then it was like no pain every time that that test came back. So I I know you said you had gone through infertility, so I know that just takes such a toll on you, and your biggest obstacle is your mind and the emotions that you go through with that.
Two Kids Arrive Overnight
SPEAKER_01So you said that you ended up doing foster care and adoption. Give us a little bit of insight on how have you learned to navigate holding those two realities of both joy and having these kids with the grief as well.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so that I love that question because it is literally such a duality in your mind, right? Because it's like me, so me and my husband got married, and we decided we had already said that we were going to adopt. We were both really passionate, we both do youth development, and so we always knew we want to help children that don't necessarily have a place to call home and we want to be a safe space. And so, of course, we have our plans and our ideas. So I'm like, okay, we're gonna have two kids, then we're gonna adopt two kids, and we have our whole just story just written out. But we were actually still dating when we started going through the process to foster, thinking that it was going to be a long process. Um, and then by the time we got married and we ended up going through everything, we got our license, and literally less than 24 hours later, they gave us a call and said, Hey, we have two kiddos for you, and we were going to do one kid, it's gonna be a baby. I say all the time we make plans and then God laughs. And then the painted scenario in your face that's cute, but it's not gonna work out that way. So then we just found ourselves with two kiddos at our doorstep, literally with nothing. And from that moment, it was like, Oh, I'm a mom. And but it wasn't conventional, and so it kind of went back to that place in my mind where it's like, I'm a mom, but not really. Like these kiddos still have parents, their parents were still trying to work their plan so that they can be reconciliated with their parents, and it really was a place where I had to constantly be like, give everything as a mom, but I had this other part in my head of like these children at any point can go home. And so at that point, I'm also still praying and believing that I'm going to conceive too, and it just wasn't happening. And then what turned into a couple of months of a placement ended up being the now three kiddos that we're in the process of adopting. Oh, they were our only placement that we've ever had, and it's been four years now. Oh my gosh, yeah, and so during that process, we literally were just like, we don't know what we're doing. Um we're just loving them. My daughter, she's 14, so she was 10 when she came, and then her little brother was 10 months, and then their other little brother when he was born came, so they're all siblings, but we literally like we don't know what we're doing, we don't know how to even navigate this other than just love them. And so we just were like, if we just love them, things will be okay. And that wasn't necessarily the case because there was a lot of trauma, there were a lot of things that were happening behind the scenes. Their biological mom was still in the picture. So I think for us, like for me personally, I grieved it a little bit more because I was like, after years and years, I was like, These are my kids, I don't care what anybody says. I'm waking up in the middle of the night, like I'm doing all of the things, but I still had to grieve it not happening in the way in which I imagined it. So as the years were passing and I wasn't conceiving on my own, and me and my husband were like, Do we want to do IVF? And then we both were kind of like we were just against it. And at that point, we had three kids. So I'm like, you look, it's already a lot of kids. I don't know if I need to be doing anything extra to bring more kids in here. And I was like, you know, if it happens, it happens. But as the years passed, I think I was such in mom that I had to take a second to actually grieve. Hey, I am a mom and I did actually become what God told me that I was going to become, but it didn't happen my way. And so I just had to say, okay, this looks a little different. I don't necessarily get to look at my kids and say, oh, she has my nose or she has my eyes. It is a different feeling, but it's a great feeling at the same time. And so navigating foster care really just looked like the ins and outs of courts and caseworkers and meetings, and really truly you learn how to fight for somebody who can't fight for themselves. And I think that's when you really the the mama bear comes out because you're like, no, we gotta do what's best for these kids.
SPEAKER_01I'm caring for them, and yeah, I think that is that is literally a what a parent does, just fight for yeah, and and you're just fighting in different ways.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
Loving Kids While Courts Decide
SPEAKER_01So all three of them are siblings, and is the mom still in the picture in some way, or how does that work?
SPEAKER_03She's loosely in the picture, but since the parental rights have been terminated. Over the process of the four years, I actually built a relationship with her because in my head I was like, Hey, if these kids are ever going to go home, I don't want to lose them completely. Like so, about two years in, she was like, Hey, will you be their godparents? And we were so happy because I'm like, Oh my gosh, we get to stay in their life, we're really gonna be close to them. And so I really cultivated a relationship with her because I realized she also didn't have a village and needed people. And when I learned her story, I understood how she got to where she was. And I think so much of it, like when we see people or kids in hard places, we see the hard place, but we don't necessarily see what got them there. And so we're just like, oh my gosh, this is oh, this mom is horrible. I can't believe how could she ever do that to her kids? But we don't know what the story is, and so I think my ability to see her story allowed me to love the kids even deeper because I knew just a little bit about them and where they came from, and they weren't just these broken kids, but they were kids that were loved that just had a mom that really struggled and she needed a village and she needed people as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's so powerful because it it provides a different level of empathy for not only the kids, but then this woman that is struggling, and I couldn't imagine not being with my kids. But I made sure that when my ex-husband got remarried, that my relationship with their stepmom was solid, is still solid because if I am ever not here, the person that's gonna care and love them is that person. When they're at his house, the person that's gonna care and love for them is that person. So to me, it it makes no sense to have any type of animosity with that other parent because they're gonna be a part of your kid's life and one way or the other, whether it's past, present, or future, and I think that it shows the kids so much more strength when you can speak of that other person in a loving and empathetic way rather than having this animosity towards it. I think that's so powerful.
Surrender And Trust While Waiting
SPEAKER_01So what do you feel God has taught you about trusting him in just that moment of waiting? Because I think that that sounds like it's been a few times in your life.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think over the last couple of years, he has really taught me to surrender to his will instead of my way. So we all have a way that we picture things happening, and just because it doesn't happen that way doesn't mean that God is not answering what we're praying for. So a lot of times we'll say, you know, God didn't answer me. And he's like, I did, it just doesn't look how you expect it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So in the season of waiting, he was showing me, okay, I'm praying and I'm drawing near to God, and I'm like, God, please, you hear, I know that you hear me, and I know that I have this deep, this deep wanting for something. And it really taught me to get into a place of God's like, hey, sometimes your story is bigger than yourself. And me and my husband talk about all the time how the three kiddos that we have, I was like, there's no way you cannot tell me that they were absolutely supposed to be placed with us. And had my story had gone any other way, they wouldn't be here because God is so intentional with his timing. And so it is really something to look at a situation and absolutely see God all over it, even though you see grief all through it. So looking back and saying, Oh my gosh, I remember at year one when I was crying and I was begging, and then I remember at year two, and I'm looking back at it, but I'm seeing how he's weaved these blessings through the waiting. And when I really dissect it, I'm like, wow, some of these blessings couldn't have come if I wouldn't have waited. And if I would have tried to take things into my own hands and kind of white knuckle it, Lord, it's going to be this way or not at all. Then I would have really found myself in the position to have neither. Because I think one of the biggest things I've learned in having a relationship with God and in waiting is that God can do anything, right? We've seen God do amazing miracles. I have so many friends who are like, oh my gosh, I know this person with no phallopian tubes and she got pregnant or no uterus or just all of these things. And so sometimes we can sit and look at our story and be like, Well, God, then why are you not doing that for me? And then God is saying, I am doing it for you, but your blessing is not looking like that person's blessing. And I so I think in the season of waiting, it's more so instead of saying, God, how long is it gonna take for you to do exactly what I'm asking? It's God, in this season, what are you going to do? How are you going to bless me? Because I know that you are, and I'm not doubting you. So let me open my eyes in the season of waiting to say exactly, how are you gonna do it? And and just being open to say, Oh, okay, I definitely saw three kids, so maybe didn't see it this way. But knowing that because he's so intentional, like the blessings that come with how he delivered is far greater than anything you could have conjured up on your own.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Oh gosh, absolutely. I feel like that's been so many parts of my life. And I feel when we surrender, we say all these prayers up to God, right? And the moment that we can surrender and and be still enough to listen and listen to that intuition, it's God speaking to us through that intuition, and it shifts your perspective into life is happening for me rather than life is happening to me. So you come out of that victim mindset and just surrender to I'm gonna look for the blessings in whatever happens because they're there, and it you find purpose in a waiting, you find purpose in and in just being able to be still enough to listen to what that gut instinct, that that voice right inside tells you.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And so that's yeah, that's super powerful. I love that so much.
Foster Care Myths And Real Grief
SPEAKER_01So what are some misconceptions? Because honestly, this was something that my ex-husband and I talked about when we were dealing with infertility, when I was like at the brink of I can't do this anymore. This emotional roller coaster has me like on a different level, and I was only 20, 21 years old when I was dealing with this, and so you know, when I was seeing that it was not happening the way that I wanted it to, I had to step back and I was like, we can talk about any other way at this point, and I don't know if I can continue to do this because my like emotional state cannot handle this anymore. Yeah, and so what misconceptions do people have about foster care and adoption? Because that was something that I definitely considered.
SPEAKER_03So I think some of the biggest mis misconceptions are one, foster care and adoption are completely different. And so foster care is not a build your family tool. So the goal of foster care is to reunite them with their biological parents or a family member or somebody that they already know in as a kin. And so I think one of the biggest things is like when you start fostering, people will be like, Oh, are you gonna keep them? Like they just think they just I think people think foster care and adoption is like they're married. And adoption in the world of foster care, adoption is what happens when the child can no longer reconcile with their family. But the goal is to get them to go back home. It is not a tool to be used because you can't afford a private adoption. And I think it is hard because adoption is very expensive when you just go the private route. It is not uh it's not a cheap thing. And so sometimes people will say, Well, oh, I'll just foster. And I'm like, okay, but you also need to understand that the social workers and the judges and the case workers, everybody's goal is to get that child back home. And so meanwhile, you are trying to build this family and these loving connections with a child that if it is safe for the child, they will not stay with you forever. And so, of course, then there are those times where that can't happen and then you can be considered an adoptive resource. But I just never want people to look at it like, hmm, I want to have kids, and so I'm gonna try this way because you don't want to ever be working against the parents. So if the parents are trying to get their child back, you don't want to be like, well, no, these are my kids. Like, I understand that feeling 100%, believe me, I do. But at the same time, like, that is not the goal of foster care. And so I think with adoption, it is very similar where it's like, I tell most people that I'm like, adoption starts with grief. And so does foster care. And so when you are considering adopting a child, which is a very beautiful thing, you also have to know that there's a grief had to take place in order for that child to even be available to you. So even if the it was the mom grieving because she can't care for the child and she decides to give her child up for adoption, or it's a child in foster care whose parents can no longer provide for them or care for them, and then they're coming into your care. So you just really have to be prepared to know that though this is something beautiful and God is turning the ashes into beauty, it is still ashes, and you have to govern that appropriately. And so though, why you're happy because you finally got your blessing, and it's like, oh my God, yeah, I have my family. I had to catch myself multiple times because I was like, my happiest moments is somebody's saddest moments. And it doesn't mean that I don't get to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I cherish and appreciate every moment that I've had along this journey, but there's always some part of me that says, God, please protect and cover the person who this is not a joyful moment to. And even though it's beautiful and people, especially when you do adoption, and it's like, yay, we're literally about to finalize our adoption soon, and we're gonna have an adoption ceremony, and we're super excited about it. But I also have to sit my my, especially our oldest kiddo, down and just be like, hey, I know you have a lot of complicated feelings because I know you're really excited, but this also means that somebody failed you. And so you have to have the two. And I think my battle, my journey with infertility really helps me with that because I'm like, I know what it feels like to be so excited for something and also to be a little bit let down because it didn't happen in the way that you thought. I think, yeah, the biggest misconception is just that, hey, if you're fostering, you are you're really fostering to be a temporary parent. That may turn final, but that it's a chance that it doesn't. And when you do adoption, it's like you may getting a child, you may be getting a child directly from the hospital, but just acknowledge that there is some grief that took place and just hold space for that during that process because you're ecstatic and you're happy,
Private Adoption Vs Foster Adoption
SPEAKER_03but there's somebody on the other side of that feeling as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yes. So one of the things, one of the questions that came to mind so that it's understood, what's the difference between is there you said private adoption. Is there a different way? Just to give someone.
SPEAKER_03So there's uh what I more so meant was that so when you're fostering and when you're a foster parent and you're ch and their case plan decides, hey, we're not going to allow the parents, they'll terminate the parental rights, and then that child goes up for adoption. Now, sometimes the kids like sometimes the people, the kids who are in the care of somebody, that person says, Hey, we just wanted to foster. We don't want to adopt. Then that child becomes available to adopt, and sometimes people will say, Hey, I want to adopt a child from foster care. So the difference between that is when you adopt a child from foster care, you are not adopting a newborn baby. You're most likely adopting a child that is older, and you're most likely adopting a child that may have a sibling set or medically complex needs. So it's very rare that you adopt a newborn baby out of foster care compared to when you go to a private agency, you can say, I want a girl, I wanted to be a newborn baby, and then they'll place you with a mother. And that goal is not to reunify them home. The goal is strictly to adopt them. And so when you adopt from foster care, it doesn't cost anything because these are kids that are basically wards of estate and they're trying to place them. Whereas when you go to a private adoption, sometimes you're being paired with a mother who hasn't even given birth to a child yet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so that's the difference. You can adopt from foster care. And I think it's really important that when people consider adoption, they do consider that first. But again, it's just gonna look a little differently. You're probably not gonna get a newborn baby, and maybe it's a teenager, or maybe it is a five or six-year-old, or maybe you're adopting a two, four, eight, and a nine-year-old, like a whole, a whole sibling group. So, you know, it's a beautiful thing, but again, it's gonna look different, and so you gotta be able to do it.
SPEAKER_01And it comes and it all comes with their own complex situations.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
Choosing Hard Things On Purpose
SPEAKER_01Because I can imagine the difference between someone that a a child that saw a lot of the issues that got them. To where they are now. And then a baby that didn't necessarily see the issues, but I think that those emotions are still transferred in one way or the other.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I think also with a lot of times with infants, I can kind of form their life. And even though they may have the trauma from the adoption that they don't really know, I can still give them a great life. And then sometimes when it's with older kids, you're giving them a great life, but you're also walking them through their grief and then and their trauma. And so it's just, yeah, it's probably going to be a bit more work and a bit more struggle. But one of the things me and my husband always say is we find the forgotten and we love them well. Because while there's lines of people who maybe want to do this one thing, we tend to always find ourselves doing the opposite. I'm like, do we just choose hard things? But it's just because I never, I never want to look back on my life and say that I just chose what was easier or more comfortable for me. And like with our daughter, she's 14, and I literally could not imagine my life without her. But when we first signed up to adopt or to foster, we had said, oh, six is the oldest. And they called us anyway and they asked us. And so sometimes we set these boundaries on our lives based off of what we think we're capable of. When what we really need to do is lay before God and be like, hey, I know this is what I want, but hey, I wouldn't even be here if I was doing what I want. So clearly this is not, it's not my way, it's yours. And so it's not about what you have the capability of doing, but it's about partnering with God and seeing what then He gives you the capability to do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're actually so much stronger than what your boundaries the moment that it pushes you a little bit past that, you see your actual strength and resilience and how you navigate through these different situations that you weren't necessarily prepared for, but you were like you knew better, right? It's so powerful. So, how has God used your greatest challenges to shape your college?
SPEAKER_03I think yeah, we've been talking.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, Yeah, about all the things, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I just think he's it all the things I've gone through have made me resilient and it has made me be able to look at people differently because you can never just look at somebody and know what they've gone through or known their story, and so it gives me a greater compassion for other people because I've had people look at me and be like, Oh my god, I just wish I had this like you, or somebody had told me, like, oh, I wish I had your family. And I'm like, let me tell you how this family came to be, because this was not, you know, but so often we look at the outside. So I think just God has used everything that I've gone through to just make me really resilient, but really compassionate to meet people where they're at and to just love on people because I think that I don't know, I think through it all, there's been many times in my life where I could have just threw in the towel and just been like, you know what, not even necessarily did anything crazy, but just not keep fighting for the things that I was fighting for. And so I think God has used every part of my story because even with my going through a divorce, and then even with my fertility issues, like all of the waiting and the pruning and all of that literally got me to right where I am now, to where I'm able to love on these kids and do it in a pure way because I know what it feels like to not be loved, and I know what it feels like to feel forgotten, and just trying to teach them those same things, all of that has come from the things that I have gone through.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I always say, like, I've been through a lot in my life, but I wouldn't change of anything that I went through because I am who I am because of the things that I've gone through.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01So I was I was forged in that. Yeah, and yeah, that sounds very similar to the feelings that I feel like that resilience and that compassion that built from that.
Building The Village He Builds
SPEAKER_01So, what does the the village he builds mean to you personally?
SPEAKER_03The village he builds is literally a heart project from walking through very hard seasons with not a ton of village. So when I became a foster parent, I knew very few foster parents. And the ones I did know did I ones that I did know did not look like me. They were not my age, and I just felt like I was on this island by myself. And so I created just a support group, like, hey, are there any other moms like me? Or maybe their family's being built in an unconventional way. Maybe we just need to chat and talk about how being a mom is hard, period. Not even if you're not a foster or adoptive mom, like being a mom is the hardest job you'll ever have. And so I just created a just a Facebook group at first and was just like, hey, like I just want some moms who can relate to me. But it became much deeper than that when I realized that so many people, even if they were not moms or foster moms, just didn't have a village. I kept running into people who said, I just don't have a village, or I just don't have people. And I was like, sometimes the things that somebody needs is so small that we could just in one second do it. But for somebody else, it's massive. And it just when you're going through a lot, something as little as something your car ran out of gas can seem like earth shattering because everything else around you is crumbling.
SPEAKER_01So it's what it's like the thing that tipped it all over, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's just like and everyone's looking like calm down. And you're just like, no, I'm here, I'm up to here. So I was praying and I was like, I think it's like it's really important for everybody to have a village and people around them. But one of the things I also learned and was revealed to me was that you're not you don't want to just have a village, but you want to have a village that's intentional to you. So the reason I called it the village he builds is because it's like you're asking God to bring people around you that are specific to you, specific to your family, specific to your needs, and just creating a network of people who are like, hey, I got you. Hey, I'll sit and listen. Hey, come to my table. And then I do Zoom calls for foster and adoptive moms, as well as what I call waiting hearts. And so that's for women who are waiting through fertility journeys and that and stuff like that. And so it's just because to me, those were two areas where it felt like not a lot of people could understand them. People have good intentions and they're like, oh, if you need anything, I have you. But it's not the same as somebody who's like, yeah, girl, I know another baby shower. This that was difficult for me too. Something that you maybe can't just tell the average person, or yeah, hey girl, we had another caseworker visit. That's not something that everybody can relate to. And so just having the safe space to be able to come and just be undone, that was really important to me because I was like, I never want anybody to feel like they are walking through anything alone, let alone some journeys that you haven't chosen. People don't choose infertility, and then you may choose to be a foster and adoptive parent, but you really don't know what you're getting into until you're in the middle of it.
SPEAKER_01And everything is everything's different, I would imagine. Yeah, it's not one same case that mimics another. It's I tell people all the time, I have three kids, they're very vastly different. And every journey that I've had to go on with them, whether it was grief, whether it was mental health, whatever, it has all been so vastly different for each of them. I can't say that my oldest daughter may be an expert on dealing with mental health or no, because the the things that I dealt with my oldest that I am now dealing with my 17-year-old are similar in many things, but then so completely different because they are so completely different people, yeah, and they don't react the same to different the tactics that worked for one definitely developed for the other. I would imagine in the cases where the children that that come into your life fostering, you're getting all these different personalities and all these different traumas, and not one is shaped the same as the other. So yeah, that is very it's very difficult. I was when I was a single mom of the three of them, and I was a single mom for many years, but then I got diagnosed with cancer, and then my oldest that same year got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and so I had to find a village, and so I totally understand that because I felt so alone in this, nobody necessarily had the same situation, and it was just all these things that were piling on, and like you said, it could be that my gas ran out, and I'm like, I just can't anymore. Yeah, just not I can't take anything else. I literally cannot. So I that I totally understand how building something like that is so significant, not only obviously for you, because then you're able to be there, but also when you feel alone and in whatever other new journey in your life, you also have those connections. So you build what you need, right?
SPEAKER_03No, yes, honestly. Yeah, I was like, I need this and I don't see it, so I'm gonna build it.
SPEAKER_01Which is absolutely perfect.
Beating Limiting Beliefs Day By Day
SPEAKER_01So, what limiting beliefs or roadblocks do you feel you had to overcome? Because it all comes from the things that we had to overcome ourselves. Do you feel like you had to overcome to get to where you are today?
SPEAKER_03Myself. I had to overcome myself. Like we earlier, my mind, the belief that I wouldn't be able I didn't have the ability to raise somebody else's children, the belief that I was never going to be enough to do it, or that I was always kind of just gonna be second best when I learned that it was never a competition anyway, that like everybody has a place in this child's life, and it's not about one being greater than the other. But I had a lot of the limiting beliefs were really just me trying to believe that I actually had the ability to do it, and especially in the beginning of the journey of fostering, it was like I can't imagine sending these kids home. And then one of our one of my sons, he did go home for six weeks and ended up coming back to us. And in that period, I was just like, I don't know how I'm actually gonna function. I just I was just the worry and the concern and the love and the grief and all of the things, and so I just had to really expand my mind to what I was capable of and what I was capable of with God, like I was saying. And so I was like, Yeah, I can't handle this. I don't I can't parent a 10-year-old that I just met. I can't parent these different scenarios, but I'm not doing it by myself. I think over time it was just almost just knocking down the thoughts in my head. Everything that everything that was coming up, I knew it was a lie. And because I was watching myself do the opposite. You can't do this, you don't have the capability, and then I'm watching myself do it, and I'm watching myself be capable. So just rewiring my mind that to remove the limitations off of it so that I did have the ability to do what I could do, and just just knowing that it I don't know, just knowing that it didn't matter what I thought it mattered more so what I did. Yeah, and as I was acting in that, the thoughts started changing. And so when I started having the negative thoughts coming in, I'm like, that's not even true. What do you mean? You're not making an impact. Yes, I am. I'm watching the impact, I'm seeing the things actually happen. So once I was able to get over my mind, which is a daily process, because as they get older and there's like we're hitting different milestones or different things are happening, it's new challenges and it's new struggles. But now I'm at the place where it's one little thought doesn't have the capability to take me out or send me down a rabbit hole. It's just okay, yeah, this is gonna be a struggle, and yeah, I've never done this before, so let's go.
SPEAKER_01Let's see how this looks. And that's parenting.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_01In a nutshell, that's parenting. So,
Prayer And Real Self-Care
SPEAKER_01what daily habit or ritual do you have that has helped you reach the your the level of success in what you're doing now?
SPEAKER_03Prayer, prayer, prayer and self-care, and not self-care, just like bath bombs and massages, but like actual care, like taking care of myself, my mind, my body, my spirit, listening to myself, paying attention to that feeling when something doesn't feel right, when something feels off or feels wrong, just really allowing myself to have a voice within myself, if that makes sense. And then partnering and marrying that with just prayer, lots of prayer and lots of surrender, lots of surrender, and just I have an amazing husband, and that definitely helps because I often bounce things off of him. Am I crazy? What's going on right now? But I think honestly, just completely surrendering myself to God and having a relationship with him, like a true, not a religion, but like an actual relationship with him, that has what has made all the difference. Not necessarily the going to church or listening to the podcast, like all those things are supplement the relationship that I already have. And they're all very helpful, but I have to have that relationship there first. So that church and podcasts and all the other things I do, like just fuel what's already there. But it was the moments where I was like completely found myself face down, like, Lord, I cannot do this without you, that I would notice that my life would make a massive shift. And it wasn't always easy and it wasn't pretty, and it didn't mean that after I prayed, everything went back to normal or it was just great. It actually was quite the opposite of that many times. And I think when you find yourself in a season of waiting and your and your prayer doesn't get answered the way it looks, you go through a grieving period with God too. And you're like, God, okay, I really, really, really thought you're gonna do this for me. And it's still keeping that relationship. But having a relationship with him because I see him as my father, then it's like you have those relationships with your natural parents where it's like, you're not my favorite person right now, and I still love you, and I still know you got my back, but you're not my favorite person right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and yeah, like you said, it's having a true relationship. I feel like that's been mean I have this relationship with God that no matter whether I go to church or not, we've been my back and I know it. And that relationship is strong because I've seen death in the face a number of times in my life. And I think that when you go through these really tough moments, that you see yourself through those tough moments, that before and after of yourself. I feel like that connection just deepens even more because you're like, oh, okay, it took me surrendering. It does allow this everything that I wanted to come into place, but in the way that I needed it, not necessarily how I wanted it.
SPEAKER_03Like absolutely, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I love it.
Where To Find Jessica
SPEAKER_01Is there any other number one, the community? I know that you have that, but is there anything else that you would like to share with us and where can people find you and so forth?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so I'm on Instagram, the village he builds, just one word is on Instagram. It's also on Facebook, and then just I'm Jessica Terry on Facebook, and then on Instagram, I'm Jess C Terry with a little underscore.
SPEAKER_01I'll put all that in the show notes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I don't like to spoil it. Other than that, I really appreciate it, and I'm so honored to be on here. And even here, your story was encouraging for me. And I just I don't know, just want to encourage everyone who's listening that it is okay for your story not to look like everyone else's. It is not a punishment to be different, it's actually quite the opposite, and you know that you've been entrusted with a story that doesn't look like everybody else's, and so just rest assured, knowing that like your purpose and your calling and everything that you have gone through, it all has purpose. And so sometimes it's hard to see the purpose, and sometimes you're like, okay, I hear that and it sounds good, but there will be seasons in your life where you absolutely see that I had to go through this thing or I wouldn't be the person that I'm called to be now. And so just know that your tour your story is always tied to somebody else's in somewhere or another, and just using that to continue the forge forward.
SPEAKER_01I love it. Oh my gosh, Jessica, this has been absolutely amazing that I feel like I could connect so much to your story, even if we didn't go through the same thing. I just feel like it's as human beings, we connect in c in emotions, and so a lot of the emotions that you have felt in your journey, I feel like I have felt. Um, so listeners, I hope that you got as much from this conversation as I did. And I will, like I said, put all of Jessica's information in the show notes. So please take a look at that. Thank you so much for tuning in today, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. Peace out, guys. Love your life. Bye.
