151. The Beginner’s Mindset: How to Find Yourself Again Without Controlling Everything

If there’s one thing that’s quietly changed everything for me, my nervous system, my relationships, my business, it’s what I’m sharing in this episode.

This part-three conversation wraps up our relaunch mini-series with the simplest, most unexpected reframe that turned my constant striving into something softer, steadier, and so much more peaceful.

It’s a way of seeing yourself and your life that makes room for ease, curiosity, and joy again. The kind of shift that asks you to see things a little differently.

TOPICS & TANGENTS:

• Why “being the expert” kept me stressed, tight, and over-strategized
• Curiosity vs. threat: the nervous system science behind beginner energy
• Re-entering life post-sabbatical and feeling that old buzz again (hi, cortisol)
• Rebuilding business rhythms by asking what feels good to try
• Marriage and motherhood with fresh eyes, more surprise, presence, and ease
• Escaping information overwhelm (goodbye, social media) and returning to what’s true
• Filtering everything through a beginner’s mind to make life easier, not smaller
• Where this podcast is headed: the self beneath the success

POINT OF THE STORY:
You can’t white-knuckle your way into regulation, but I can promise you that the beginner’s mind invites safety, play, and possibility, so your system can soften and your life can expand.

RELAUNCH GIVEAWAY (10/29 – 10/31):
Free Access to The Energy Advantage (Mini - less than 15 minutes!) Training where I reveal the exact framework I used to double my energy, work less frantically, and actually end my days with something left in the tank.

Here’s how to get instant access:

1. Leave a review for Shamelessly Ambitious on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
2. Screenshot your review.
3. Upload it using this short form.

Once you do, you’ll get immediate access to the mini-webinar — From constant exhaustion to overflowing energy: the fastest way high-achieving women can reclaim their capacity in 2025.

Rooting for you, your way, always 🖤

MORE ABOUT ASH

I'm Ash McDonald — the Entrepreneur's Therapist. Trained therapist, seasoned entrepreneur, mom of 3, && the person you call when your business coach doesn't get your brain && your therapist doesn't get your business.

I built the thing I couldn't find anywhere else: whole-picture support that holds your strategy && your humanity in the same conversation at the same time. 

LINKS:

• Work with me 1:1 → Deep Cuts
• Fast-track your results → The Green Room
• Solve one thing right now → Studio Sessions
• Burnout-proof your life && business → Mixtape
• Get your free podcast playlists → The Soundcheck
• Weekly emails that tell you what your business coach won't && your therapist can't → Subscribe to The Beat
• Website: ashmcdonaldmentoring.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

If there's really just one thing that's made the biggest difference in my life and in my nervous system, it's the beginner's mindset. Your body can't feel both curiosity and threat at the same time. Okay, my dear. Welcome, welcome. This is part three of my little series that I've decided to create as we relaunch the podcast. And if you've listened to the first two episodes, you know that this series has been a lot of things, a little confession, a little therapy, a little nervous system science, the things that that are in fact really important. And the biggest one of all being that, yeah, I've had to be really honest with some revelations that I've had and some crashes that I've had and how the sabbatical worked and how it didn't work and my cortisol addiction and what is cortisol addiction. And today, in fact, this episode was sort of the beginning of what I had thought about as a podcast episode to come back to the podcasting world. And then only later did I realize I wanted to set the tone for it. Because as I looked back, kind of really thought about like what was the thing, right? The thing that made the biggest difference in the last year. What was the thing for me that, with all my knowledge and all my expertise and all of my background? It's funny that I'm saying this, you'll know why soon, that kind of changed it all. And and what kind of brought me to the other side? Again, not perfect, not figured it all out, but just kind of where I am now. And I'm really excited to share it. I haven't been able to stop talking about it in all of my conversations, whether it be with my clients or my colleagues or my friends. And honestly, it all comes down to the moment that I stopped trying to be the expert of my own life was the moment that everything finally started working. I laugh when I say that because when we typically think of like nervous system-related stuff, we think of like, oh, she's gonna give me some breathing exercise that I can do, or she's gonna have me do this or whatever the case may be. I assume when you read the title of this podcast episode that it's the number one nervous system hack, you know, whatever, that you probably thought I was gonna give you some massive solution. And while I am gonna give you some massive solution, it's not what you expected. When I came back after my five months sabbatical, I originally believed that I had like mastered it all, right? Like I got it now. I figured out how to be present, I figured out how to be calm, I figured out how to operate in a way where I feel really good. And then as I was back into normal routine of life and things did not feel they felt better, but they started saying some of the same patterns and some of the same issues started to come up. And I started to feel that like slow burn suffocation of like, oh my God, it's just always so much. There's so much to be done. And I'm I'm everything for everyone. And that same sort of buzz, I guess, you know, that I talked about in the last episode, where like I started believing at first that it was just excitement. And then I started to realize that it was more than that, it was part of that, you know, cortisol. And as I came back into my business and I came back into all the responsibilities that I had had before, and I started to feel those feelings again. I really had to take a deeper look at what the hell? Where is this coming from? Why do I why is this still happening? And yes, I had to look at the values, and yes, I had to look at my cortisol. But more than anything, I realized I realized that I needed to give myself permission to not know to approach things like I did year one, fuck month one in business, month one in parenting, month one in my relationship, when it was curiosity and it was creativity and it was play. And I had that sort of moment of like, huh, that's really interesting. Why? Because I often tell my clients, look at moments when things felt easier, whether it be in your relationship or in the way you're doing things or in your eating habits. When did it feel good? And look for the codes in that. And when I started to look at the codes in all those different areas, it always was me being a newbie. Me being a beginner. And here's what I've learned as a therapist. Your body can't feel both curiosity and threat at the same time. They cannot coexist. Curiosity and threat cannot coexist because curiosity is a parasympathetic state. Okay. It it opens you and urgency or control or perfectionism, those things that are really and really in many ways a threat to your system, those are sympathetic. So they they keep you tight. So you cannot have the two coexisting. So when you intentionally approach something as a beginner, you're telling your nervous system, it's safe to explore. Like I'm safe here. It's good. We're good. And so when I started to kind of hone in on this and I started to apply it a little bit here and there, whether it be being out with my husband and approaching him, not like a man I've been with for over 15 years, not that that's a bad thing, but like approaching it like a new relationship, a little bit more sparks are fine, right? If I approach parenting, not like I've read God knows how many books on parenting or hell, I have a degree in child psychology. Like if I didn't know all these things, how would I approach it? And I started to realize that was also true within my business. The longer I was in business, the more I was learning about this strategy or that strategy, or this makes this work better, or that makes that work better. And that changes. It's always going to change because the economy changes, the environment changes, the industry changes, the strategies change, and some stuff stays the same, and other stuff is just added on, and there's always more that you can do. And the more that you carry the weight of all that, same with healing, right? Well, I should do this and I should do that, and I have to look at it this way, and I have to look at it that way. And really, when I shifted into this more beginner mindset, more peace, more abundance, more joy, more presence than I ever could have strategized for. Right? The more I knew, the less I was able to feel. And the more I'm able to step into that like student mentality, the more my body's able to be like right where I'm at. Think of it in motherhood. I'm I'm 11 plus years in and I'm more humbled than ever. I used to think that like the more, the longer I'd be a mom, the more I'd like get it, the more I'd understand it. Now that I understand this new paradigm of like the beginner's mind, it means I can stop assuming I already know who my kids are. And I can stay really curious instead of controlling. And it's really shifted how I show up for them. Same with my husband, same with Jake, 15 plus years together. And the quickest way to start resenting each other is to believe you've got it all figured out, is to to and to carry. I mean, you're just carrying all these memories, all this way, all these hurts. Like, let's be honest, marriage is really hard. And it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And sometimes there's hard stuff. And that beginner energy brings the surprise back, the joy in business. Instead of asking, like, what's the right way? It's like, what feels good to try? What do I have the room for right now? And that, those questions, in and of themselves, like rebuilt my entire rhythm around business or health and body. Like you're the way that you approach how you eat or how you move your body or any of these kinds of things, like again, I think the world is so inundated with so much information. This is a another one of those reasons why social media just stopped being safe, because it was just constant information, an inhumane amount of information about all the ways that we should do things. I mean, we're no longer like, oh, I, you know, I'm gonna change this one thing about the way I'm eating and I'll feel a little better. It's like, oh, should I do carnivore? Should I lower my carb intake? Should I increase my fat? Should I intermittent fast? Should I do this? Should I do that? Is this cleanse better? Is that there's so much information and that it really can be quite dangerous. Right? It really can be quite dangerous. And so maybe it sounds a little simple, and it really is just a little simple. It is just a little simple. I could list a million different things for you that's gonna help you to have more abundance or have more peace. And it's not that those things wouldn't work, but that's kind of the problem. There's if there's really just one thing that's made the biggest difference in my life and in my nervous system, it's the beginner's mindset. And that might not sound like your traditional form of nervous system regulation. However, the way I see it is the more advanced we get in business, the longer we are in business, the more we know, the more information we have to take in, the more rules we have to understand. And that never ceases to exist. It'll always continue to give, we're gonna learn more and more and more and more and more. It becomes so overwhelming. And when I really looked at it, the times when being an entrepreneur and being a business owner felt the most successful was when I was brand new and I didn't have these unending high expectations. I didn't have too much knowledge. And I'm not saying stop learning. I'm just saying, how can you funnel everything through the beginner's mindset? Right? How can we make things just a little bit easier? And and this isn't just me. I've seen this as a through line among all my clients, my friends, my colleagues, just this overwhelm that doesn't cease to exist unless we're willing to look at things through the lens of a beginner's mindset. That's the crux of it of it all, right? Is that we can make this a little bit easier if we can apply that, if we can release all the things that we are carrying, all the things that we know a little bit more. And this podcast in general used to be there was, it wasn't always, but there was a lot of strategy, a lot of systems, a lot of scaling. And I loved every bit of that season of my life. Hi, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but if this conversation has you realizing how much you've been running on empty, I've got something really special for you, and it's only available this week. I created a free training that walks you through the exact framework I use to double my energy, work less frantically, and actually end my days with something left in the tank. And honestly, it's the fastest way high-achieving women can reclaim their capacity in 2025. So you'll learn why time management doesn't fix your exhaustion. You'll learn the three biggest capacity leaks draining your energy and the simple daily resets to help you finally feel steady again. All you have to do to get instant access to this is leave a quick review of the podcast, screenshot it, and pop it into the short form linked in the show notes. Simple, simple, simple. Literally click the link in the show notes, screenshot your review first, throw it into this link, and you will instantly have the trainings. No, nothing more than that. So, so simple. Takes less than a minute, and you're gonna walk away with tools that could change how you end every single day. So go leave a review, hit the link below, and I'll see you inside the training. But where are we headed now? This new era of the Shamelessly Ambitious Podcast is about the woman underneath it all, the nervous system behind the business, the self beneath the success. Because living shamelessly ambitious isn't about having it all figured it out. All figured out. It's not, right? It's about staying curious enough to keep becoming, right? To enjoy the ride, to witness these parts of yourself, like we talked about in the last episode, to have that self-compassion to regulate your body, but ultimately to remember to look at what's true. And what's true is that more often than not, the times when we enjoy something the most is when we're brand new. We're not overthinking it, we're not second-guessing it, we're not questioning everything. And so that's the kind of the new itty-bitty little shift of the podcast. And I'm so excited for it. This is always going to be the messy middle with me, always with me in the messy middle, because I think we're all always there in so many ways. And I also wanted to update you on the fact that I have a new, beautiful, amazing program doesn't suit it well. It's like an experience. We'll just call it that experience. Okay. And it came out at the end of August and it kind of replaced everything. So much of what I had done in the past, what I had created and what I was doing has been retired. Outside of one-to-one, I still really love one-to-one. So I'll always be available. Well, not always, it depends on how many clients I have, but I will always offer to some extent one-to-one. And right now you can work with me in more of a therapeutic way and therapeutic mentorship if you're just looking for that kind of support specifically, or you can work with me in business therapy. Those are both one-to-one offers. So business therapy is what it sounds like, where you're getting a little bit of the therapy and a little bit of the business mentorship, and you're getting, you know, that holistic support. And those are things I've always done, I'll always do. I love them. I love that work. And I wanted to replace pretty much everything else that I had with something that felt really true to it's a culmination of all the work that I've done and all the things that I've learned. And it's called the Regulated Woman. And there's two versions of this experience. You can come in and do it yourself kind of way, that kind of experience, where you get access to a private podcast. So similar to this podcast and hearing my voice, but a very structured way of taking you through how to become the regulated woman from cortisol addiction to unearthing the patterns to a resource library jam-packed with meditations and somatic tools to have support in the moment and also access to a library of other experts who bring to the table things that I just simply cannot bring to the table, like hypnotherapy or breath work or EFT tapping, just things that I think can be so valuable. Because again, in this world, there is so much that you can do and you have to be willing to try to be that beginner and try things on and figure out what really works well for you and then be willing to get uncomfortable and choose life. And then there's a live version of it. So you get all of that. And both versions, you get those for life, for life. You get them for life. And that's just really important to me. And of course, as it updates or I add more to it, lifetime access. And the live version, you also get monthly calls. And these are also experiences in and of themselves where I always come to the table. They're fluid in the fact that you don't have to be on everyone in order to get value from them. They're standalone sessions, if you will, where it's group therapy, it's conscious writing, and it's vulnerable shares, and it's me asking questions and allowing you to bring things to the table that I just support you through. And sometimes you just want to be a listener. You just want to hear. But we need community, we need belonging. We need this kind of support. We need a soft place to land. And this is one of my favorite things to offer on a weekly basis. I absolutely love it. So welcome back. Welcome back. This is the new world that I exist within. No social media. My emails still come out mostly on a weekly basis. This incredible podcast, which I'm so proud of and so excited to be in again. And the regulated woman. And that's that. It's simple, it's honest, it's life-changing. And I say that with pride and also being humble because a lot of what I brought to the table inside The Regulated Woman is what I've utilized the past year to transform my life and what I still turn to. Part of me recording was so that I had access to it again and again and again. These little subtle reminders and shifts that we all need. And I'm just so proud of this work and also proud of this life and proud to bring it here. Again, the messy, the unperfected, the celebrations and also the cursing and the frustration and the I'm in it with you kind of tone and feeling. And so I'm just so grateful that you're here. So grateful that you're here. Thanks for tuning in this week and thanks for being back with me. And I'm so excited. I'm so excited to be here again.