Nip in the Bud with Dr Bettina Hohnen: Neurodiversity - How to parent and educate neurodiverse brains effectively.

Today I am in conversation with Dr Bettina Hohnen. 

Bettina is a Clinical Psychologist, author and speaker working in the field of child mental health and neurodiversity. She works with parents, organisations and schools, teaching about neuroscience and psychological science. 

Her aim is to help busy adults understand what helps young people thrive and she does this through working with the  key adults in children’s lives.

 She co-wrote The Incredible Teenage Brain (Everything You Need to Know to Unlock a Teen’s Potential) and How to have incredible conversations with your child. 

 She is passionate about the power of relationships and tries to distil complex ideas into actionable strategies that parents and teachers can use.

In today's episode we discuss attachment theory, how to promote functional skills, and Bettina shares many tips on parenting and educating that will give you ideas and strategies to confidently support the children you care for.

Links and further reading:

Nip in the Bud - Where to get help
https://nipinthebud.org/where-to-get-help/

Dr Bettina Hohnen is  also partnering with Nip in the Bud to do weekly reels answering your questions and sharing further advice.

Dr Bettina Hohnen website (including links to her books:
The Incredible Teenage Brain by Bettina Hohnen, Jane Gilmour and Tara Murphy
How to have incredible conversations with your child by Jane Gilmour and Bettina Hohnen
https://drbettinahohnen.com/

Circle of security course by   - Connected Lives
https://www.connectedlives.org.uk/

Smart but Scattered: The revolutionary "Executive Skills' approach to helping kids reach their potential by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare
https://www.smartbutscatteredkids.com/

Executive Function skills in the classroom: overcoming barriers, building strategies by Laurie Faith, Carol-Anne Bush 

General parenting books recommended by Dr Hohnen include the following`;
Good inside by Dr Becky Kennedy 
The book you wish your parents had read by Philippa Perry

Please follow Dr Bettina Hohnen on social media for tips and ideas about strengthening relationships with your kids
Instagram: drbettinahohnen
Twitter: bettinahohnen

Nip in the Bud - Where to get help

https://nipinthebud.org/where-to-get-help/

Chapters

• 1:55 Bettina's own experience of school
• 6:24 Dealing with negative internal voices
• 8:42 Four phases of being a parent
• 13:30 Understanding how the brain develops
• 16:56 What support do you offer parents now?
• 19:00 Attachment theory and circle of security parenting
• 26:20 The importance of balance in parenting
• 30:54 Online friendships and social development
• 33:09 How do you support educationalists?
• 41:50 Moments of reflection to rebuild relationships
• 43:38 Report cards in schools
• 44:40 What is meant by executive functions?
• 52:30 Mindset and internal motivation
• 56:50 Curiosity, compassion and courage as mantra
• 1:01:02 Understanding emotions, thoughts and fears
• 1:02:25 Understanding your own neurodivergence
• 1:11:00 External expectations
• 1:13:30 Starting from a point of positivity
• 1:15:18 Self reflection to help us meet children's needs

Transcript

00:00:00.001 - Alis

In these short podcast clips, we offer nuggets of information from our longer podcasts that give advice and quick tips to help you, as parents and carers, recognize your children's needs and respond more efficiently, empowering you to better navigate the challenges of parenting. This clip is from my longer podcast in which I speak to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Naomi Fisher on supporting children through EBSA and how teachers and parents can help to meet the developmental needs of children effectively. Do you have or know a child who has started illustrating new behaviours around school attendance? Keep listening, because in this Nugget for Parents, we talk about what signs and indicators you may look for as parents and carers to notice when your child is struggling to get to school. Naomi discusses how to speak with your child to help understand them better and to help them to understand themselves and why their feelings about school may have changed. We also talk about the importance of building a relationship with your child's school so that together things can be put into place to meet your child's needs. With regards to parents and signs of EBSA or school distress, what would you say that parents could look out for in their children that would identify that their children are starting to seriously struggle? The difference between it just being Monday morning and 'I just don't want to go in, and it's cold, and it's raining,' but that serious struggling is starting to happen.

00:01:53.671 - Naomi

Yes. I think often it's when there's a big difference between how a child appears to be at school and appears to be at home. So quite a lot of parents will say, 'School seems to think they're fine, but at home, oh my goodness, it's absolutely awful. We're coping with huge meltdowns and really disruptive behaviour and because school says they're fine, then we think it can't possibly be school.' In fact, parents are often told it's something you're doing at home. I think that's a sign that your child is really struggling to manage, that whatever's going on at school is a bit too much for them, and they're keeping it all in at school, but they're not able to sustain that. Another thing that you might notice is that they're saying they've got tummy aches, and it isn't that children make these things up, it's that the way that children express their emotions is often actually through physical symptoms. We all maybe tend to be a bit dismissive when children say they've got a headache or a tummy ache, we think they're making it up but actually, it may well be that that is what it feels like to them. If they're worrying about something, they do have a tummy ache rather than worrying about it in a way an adult might worry. Those sorts of things, I think, would be an indication that your child is struggling, there's just a bit too much going on. Also sleep problems. They're not getting to sleep, they're maybe waking in the night worried. Another thing that parents often tell me about is that their children have a cycle of that they're much more relaxed in the holidays and then when the term times happen, you can see them tense up. They say there's a rhythm where on Saturdays, they're okay. On Sundays, they're gradually getting more tense. I would just be aware of your child's rhythms and how those might relate to what's happening at school. I would not necessarily go head in on that because parents are always saying, 'We're always asking what's wrong and the children won't tell us', and that is how children are, but you can make opportunities to find out what's worrying them, to find out what things are going on for them. You might also, if you've got signs like, say, a very explosive child out of school, you might be wanting to think about the length of that child's day. So I do sometimes meet children who are really struggling, who go to breakfast club, then they go to the whole school day, and then they have after-school club or a childminder straight afterwards, and they're out of the house for a really long day. And of course, parents do it because they need to go to work. Absolutely, but if your child is really struggling, it might be worth thinking about, is there any way that we could shorten that day a bit so that they get a bit more time to just really decompress? Or if you can't, is there a way to build in some time into that day so it's more decompression time? Because, for example, if a child goes to a club after school and the expectation is that it's homework club and we're going to straight away be doing our homework, then that child hasn't really got any downtime in that time. It's all on. Actually, children lying around in front of the TV gets a very bad press, but actually they need to have some time when they can just lie around and relax for a bit because that's their decompression time. Then they'll be able to do other things again. But You might want to just think about your child's day, about do they have enough time to decompress? Do they have enough time to just go 'blah'?

00:05:07.181 - Alis

Why is it important this decompression? I know you've studied the brain and how children learn and develop mentally. Why is decompression time so key?

00:05:17.261 - Naomi

Well, what's it like for you if you're surrounded with a group of people all day and you have to be behaving in a certain way, all day? Perhaps if you're a child, it's quite hard for you to keep up that behavior all day. You need a bit of time. In my experience, everyone needs a bit of time where they can just go in, shut the door and go, 'oh'. We used to joke about it when I was training as a clinical psychologist that you had to put on a particular clothes, sure you have the same as a head teacher, you dress in a certain way when you are the teacher and you come out, maybe you just put on your pajamas and you need that time to do that. And children need that, too, just as much as adults do. In fact, more. Children need that more than adults do.

00:05:58.951 - Alis

I hope you enjoyed that Nip in the Bud nugget. If you want more, why not go back and listen to the whole episode with my guest? If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with others and visit our website for more information, advice, and resources.