all right. Uh, I'm so, so, so glad I could pull off this promise that I made last week. Well, though it was not like it was a full promise, I just said who meets all our heroes gonna be back. And yeah, he's back hi hi what are you doing? Why is it doing you? Oh my god, it's been such a long time, dude. What's up?
Speaker 2:yeah, it has been. I'm glad to be back. I think this season I'm going to be a lot more calmer hopefully not promising anything anyone to be a lot more calmer, hopefully Not promising anything.
Speaker 1:Anyone who's heard Ola promise on this show that he's going to be calm? No for sure that is not going to be Well, depending on what we're talking about, Sha.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it depends on what we're talking about. Yes, true.
Speaker 1:My God. Of course you know a lot has happened since January. You know that A lot has happened. A lot has happened and so, of all that has happened and things you leaving us in Lagos, Abuja, how has it been for you?
Speaker 2:I don't know, you know, they never tell you the full story of moving from one place. They don't tell you the full story, but it has been good. I would say that God has been. I can't even lie. God has been extremely good to me. It's, it's, it's, you know. It makes me wonder about people like um um Abraham, who just get up and go without mobile phones.
Speaker 1:I see what you did there, cause my next question was going to be like how have you been? Because I know you are a community kind of person, you are a people kind of person how have you been able to, you know, navigate new terrains? You know, You're not navigating anything. It's not, I don't know. That's why.
Speaker 2:I said God has been it. No, it's not. It's not, I don't know. That's why I said God has been good to me, because it's been crazy. Abuja is a place where they have their own community. The people already have their own people Right, and then you have to know one person to know the people Right. And for someone like me who is not extroverted, it's hard to get to meet people because you have to first go somewhere and then you meet people.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, like every time, I think about it. Anytime you and I talk like how? Is this guy doing, but you always say you're okay, and then I think, oh no, he's not but?
Speaker 2:but I? So when I say I'm okay, um, because the things that matter to me are basic life, good health, you know, family I miss my people in Lagos, but we get to talk almost every day. Right, I mean great health, and so when anybody asks how are you? Those are the things that are coming to my mind and those are the things I am.
Speaker 2:Really I'm okay and fine out. So when we now dive deep into how is it going? Oh, how is it going. It's not going all that great, but again, I think this this helps me to also understand people who leave the shores of nigeria, you know, and how they have to deal with um nokia community for extended periods of time. You know it's it's it's we should. We should um respect whoever ups and out of Nigeria. And just, you know people who just do the Jakba move without having family or strong ties. You know, because it's hard. You don't know whether people you're going to meet are going to accept you or not. You know, because even from what I've heard, quite a number of nigerians outside don't even want to be neighborly to you. They are more antagonistic to you than people who are not even nigerians. So, and if your first um continental family or niger are like that to you, you're going to be asking yourself who sent you the market?
Speaker 1:I know right. Okay, so do you have a cup of tea with you?
Speaker 2:Trust me.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I have a cup of tea with you Trust me, oh my god, I have a cup of coffee, so at least it's near to what we used to have, very near. We used to manage that Alright.
Speaker 2:So, guys, my name is Tumishe and he is Hola, hola, like one lady from England Would call me say you sound like a breath of fresh air. I said that's cool.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much. Are you dating her?
Speaker 2:She's married with. I think she's married. She's one of those women from a better ministry, I think.
Speaker 1:But you know why I asked that question, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, I'm still pretty single. I'm looking for anybody yeah, anybody who has my time, who has my energy. Oh yes, I'm still pretty single, though. I'm looking for anybody to whom I have my time, who has my energy. We're very tolerant of a lot of stress.
Speaker 1:I agree. So last week on the show, my fellow team, chat, talks about how chronologically challenged I believe I am and I said that we're going to start conversations around that this season. I have absolutely no clear plan as we speak right now. What you know is going to be centered around, but you know, I looked at time and how, um, when things happen within the special or, yeah, chronological, whatever, and how we struggle with that, and I found that that I don't think I struggle, I don't. You know, I really I really don't care, and for me and I think this I didn't say last week I think For me it's because, at the back of my mind, everything is going to end in death, and so the question always is what's the rush? Where are you rushing to? To die or exactly? You know this, you know, but but what's your take on that?
Speaker 2:I listened to that um podcast and I'm like to michelle started. You're still early in the year to be grateful.
Speaker 1:Okay, early in the year to be grateful Early in the year.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, I'm like, oh, my goodness, what's happening? So when you say courage, I'm like I don't even know what she's talking about, because she's talking about how she thinks this woman is pretty intelligent, and so, again, I didn't understand that part, you know. But again, I think that to a large extent, there are things that we think in our heads about us that are not ultimately true. It's just maybe from if we do a bit of well, if you do a lot of introspection of where we are coming from, we think we're slow. We think because, again, how are we measuring um time? We usually measure time not by ourselves, but by people around us, you know, and we think that this person at this time had done this, was here, and you know. And then we measure our time, which is our own time, like our it's Ola's time, we measure it by Likon's time, measure it by Yakub's time, measure it by Chidi's time, and if Chidi, at a particular time, which you are now, has already done this and this and this, you tend to look at your own time or your own timing through the filter or the frame of Chidi's time. So when you say that, I'm like nah, you said that yes, yeah, but so one of the things I think I agreed with which I cannot say, but I know for myself.
Speaker 2:I used to believe that I was a slow learner. It took me forever to come to that place. But again, I don't think I am Now I don't think I am, I think it's just how I learn is not the common way of teaching in schools and that would put you at a disadvantage. So if you teach a particular way in school, which is not the best way you learn, you will think you're learning slowly. Right, everybody seems to be getting things done, especially if you're not the kind of person that would sit down for hours to read.
Speaker 2:Right, because again, that's a habit that wasn't formed early you yeah, you know, if you, you would find that, um, and you begin to, okay, why am I not getting this thing? You have those contradictions of you know somewhere in the back of your mind that you're not stupid, right? And then you see. And then you see you're wondering okay, so why this thing cannot be this hard. It can't be this hard if this person or this person is getting it. When you have conversations with those people, you know you are literally on the same level, but they seem to be getting it. You know, it took me a long time to realize that. So maybe it's not that I'm slow, maybe it's just that the way that I enjoy learning is not, it's not the common way where people are. And again, I think one of the things I also appreciate about what you said is I'm learning to um, I'm learning to enjoy the fact that there are really no fixed way of doing anything like.
Speaker 2:There are none um, you can learn one thing in a, in one way, and when it comes to something else, you want to learn it a different way yeah and and and it's interesting to to me that the schooling system I'm not talking about education now the schooling system, I'm not talking about education the schooling system does a lot more to destroy how we are, as human beings created to become, than it does good for us. So, even when you do amazingly well in life, you would find that with the appropriate or the right community and support system, even without that schooling, there's a likelihood that you would do even better. All the systems that confine you to just one way of doing things right may not exist for you. You'd find people like Elon Musk, who had the opportunity of exploring more than one way of learning, eventually get to a place where they live life on their own terms, and it's not just a function of that. They have money, and it's not just a function of that. They have money.
Speaker 2:It's the learning, it's the way they do things, that allows them to become, they enter into who they really are, they explore who they really are and it brings them to this side of fulfillment. And fulfillment is not necessarily money, right, even though, again, it's that society's thing of yeah, of of shaping how we should view things, how we should see things, you know. So I I agree with um quite a number of things that you said in terms of um, you know those things, but again, I also maybe this again will be part of the conversation for this season in terms of um, um truly becoming, because I think that I don't think we did justice. I'm not even sure we touched it, even though I'm not sure we touched it in terms of really really examining that becoming.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure, I'm not sure so, so yeah, in, in, in this, and and I'll tell you why I think we didn't touch it that much I'm just getting to this understanding, so it's not like. So it's very what I want to share now. It's very new understanding, or whatever it is right, it's funny right in becoming.
Speaker 1:I think the greatest question that needs to be answered is the stories of origin, and these are the stories that shape us. In most of the times, we are trying to run away from the stories for those, for people who didn't have favorable stories of origin. And, um, sometimes we're. We're trying to, you know, divorce ourselves from our beginnings and trying to create a future that is, you know, devoid or completely of the past. And I don't think it's possible, because I don't believe it is.
Speaker 1:I don't think it is possible because in understanding your stories of origin, you understand yourself, why you think the way you think, how you think the way you think and what you do with the things that you think and how you relate with yourself and others, and then you'll be able to carve out what your become is yes yes, and and in the middle of all of that, in the middle of that, um, all I think is parenting, because anyone parenting in or family values, either way you want to look at it.
Speaker 1:And um, yeah, that is where I've been in the last nine to ten weeks, right in my head, um, trying to where's the word I'm looking for now, trying to understand my stories of origin and why I am the way I am. To some, to a large extent, and of course, you know that it has led to the second book, which is which you are typing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I I, when I came back after the two weeks or three weeks break, I did say to people that I had a story to tell. I had an hysterectomy. Um, I don't know how to H Y S hysterectomy um, I don't know how to hys.
Speaker 2:Hello to me, can you?
Speaker 1:hear me, I can hear you, I can hear you, can you hear me?
Speaker 2:yeah, I can hear you now. Yeah, you're back here.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, I had a hysterectomy and before I had that, this was on march, um 2019, 20 before I had that or the doctor said to me this is what you're to expect the emotions that will come at you. Or my therapist said to me this is what you're to expect, the emotions that will come at you are. My therapist said to me this is something that you know. You might be hit with a sense of loss, you might be hit with a sense of and all of that. And I was ready. You know, um, I I think I don't know whether it was my therapist or, uh, the doctor objyn was said to me that there might be some um, um depression, and I'm like, oh, depression, oh, that's, if that's familia, I can handle that and we laughed over it. But what happened for me and was totally different when I came out, um, because of some questions that that I don't think this particular episode um is going to be about. Because of some questions that I don't think this particular episode is going to be about, because of some questions the OBGYN asked me. It led back because we had been trying to get to the bottom of what was going on with my monthly cycle and I could see in the doctor's eyes like she was exasperated because all the tests were coming back almost normal.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, and she just, she, just, I don't know where she goes, like, where's your mother? And I said, oh, my mother, she's in heaven. And she said, oh, do you by any chance have an idea of a reproductive health? And at that moment I said yeah, and I told her some things that my mother had told me. And when I came out of surgery, I was first hit with a sense of gratitude. Yeah, like, oh, I have this amazing support system friends, family. I have my brothers, I have my husband, I have my children.
Speaker 1:I had friends, you know my mother didn't have that and it was as if um her life flashed right in front of me and I'm so, so, so grateful, so, so, so grateful for the last 10 years my mother and I had. We became real close, almost besties. If we were not besties, she was my everything. But people who met me and my mother in those 10 years before she passed, and the people that were there at my beginning when she and I could not see eye to eye, would wonder how we came close. And you know it took that hysterectomy for me to see my mother. Does that make sense, right?
Speaker 2:For me to see.
Speaker 1:It took the surgery for me, to the stories of origin and how we carry trauma in our body, how our body stores trauma until something pushes it out and then so, on the journey to becoming, going back to what you said, if I do not think that, if you don't touch your story of origin, sit with it, do a self-audit to know that becoming might just be a head thing as against some heartful thing that should happen. Your turn, your turn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you do things like this. I just want to sit with it.
Speaker 1:I'm just like, I'm not saying anything good things like.
Speaker 2:I can always get to listen to this again and and just and just um, yeah, but you're, you're right. You're right, you know, because when you said, um, disassociate yourself from the past, it just flashed to me that, oh goodness, this thing could be a symptom of a kind of mental health issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely is, definitely is. You know, when we talk about mental health questions and all that people are actually talking about the real questions. You know, like the diagnosis, the no, but what mental health is and, like I said in the last episode, is the, the well-being that enables you to cope with the stresses of life, because stress will come. You realize your abilities and you know, when you come to that understanding, that you know I have, or I don't have, the capacity to deal with this stress. That is, you being aware of your mental state, the ability to learn well, to work well, to contribute to your community. This is what mental health is, uh, all about. Yes, of course we have mental health, and if you for those who are listening if you want to get a clear picture about mental ill health, please go to the episode with myself and dr kenneth, or with dr accurately, where they were able to tell us what you know, how, um, mental health works. Okay, that we can't be good all the time, you can't be high all the time and you can't be on the equilibrium all the time. It is. What protecting mental health will then mean is that you don't want to lose what you have come to accept to be your normal, yeah, so, or you can go back and listen to that if you, if you've missed it. But back to um, time and chronology. Um, you were talking about learning and how to let again, you cannot divorce that from parenting and how you grew up.
Speaker 1:For me, how would I say it? Now? I look at my primary school results now. Yeah, and I laugh all the time. There's one that says I laugh a lot. There's one that says, oh, she's intelligent but she's always sick. Or if only to me she could. Just, you know, no, there's a lot and we look at it. When I show my children my, my son said and you've not changed. I'm like what do you mean? You've not changed, I'm still mommy, you're still. You still laugh a lot, you know. And I said to him I think laughing is my coping mechanism. And he walked away because he didn't understand that. And he walked away.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to secondary school. I repeated I should have finished with the class of 95, but I finished with the class of 96. I repeated SS2 because I had an appendectomy and I was not in school for almost a term, so I didn't make the quarter four promotion. And then I it was the first time that class. When I repeated that class, it was the first time I was in the first, the top five of the class in my second school and somebody would say it's because you're taking the class before. But I think not. God rest her soul.
Speaker 1:And to go, isuma, um, she was my food and nutrition um teacher. The way she taught food and nutrition, oh, my god it was. It was interesting. I wanted to cook and, and I still cook the way she taught you and I still cook the way she taught me. I still cook the way she taught me to cook, you know. So I was able to I hope this English is correct extrapolate that to other parts of my studies and it made it easy for me to study of my studies and it made it easy for me to study. So I think that I don't think that the way schools teach is going to change anytime soon?
Speaker 1:I don't think so but I'm hoping that parents will uh uh, those of us raising children now gen x's millennials raising children I hope we'll be able to calm down enough or sit down long enough with our children to learn how they learn.
Speaker 2:Amen. What does that mean? That was like a prayer man. I just had to say amen Because it's not happening to the very extent that it should. It's not happening because you can only give what you have.
Speaker 2:It will be very hard for you to raise self-aware children if you're not self-aware yourself, and that's where my challenge always starts. I know where I was in terms of self-awareness. I know how far I've come and I know how far I have not gone, because that journey is for life. Yeah, that journey is for life. And then how do you want to? Because you can't raise emotionally intelligent children without starting from the place of self-awareness. You. It can't happen. It cannot happen because you have to be aware of self, you have to know, oh, this, these are the things that make me me, these are my quirks, these are, um, okay, so this, this is likely to trigger me. So it helps me to be in a place where I am mostly not triggered. You don't know those things. Your children were sent to this life to come and trigger the hell out of you. I, I, I said something.
Speaker 1:I said something was sorry. Are you done?
Speaker 2:great.
Speaker 1:Go on, go on, please go on I said something on the podcast, uh, on the episode for last week, I said and it was as I was, you know, writing that it came to me a choice to birth a child is a choice to guide yourself and even when I wrote it it didn't hit me until I listened to the episode again a choice to be a parent is a choice to die to self and allow this child who has come with the Romano. You're already programmed, you as a parent.
Speaker 1:You're already programmed you're already programmed and this child that is coming, this child is coming. Tabula rasa, the fear, this personal I have, the fear of projecting, and I've done it. I've told a story a couple of times, I've projected my fear on my children a couple of times. In fact, as we're speaking now, my daughter is writing YAG and she's going to write mathematics on the third year of May and she was like, oh, and she's very scared and you know, now a mathematical challenge, yeah, and then, she sends me a message and she goes go ha.
Speaker 1:Mommy Matt, I said you know what the glory of the Lata was better than that of the former. I got P7. I got P7. And I know you've been fighting that and then she laughs and she goes oh, mommy, it's not that bad. I said, yeah Me, it's P7. I know the prayer I prayed before I got that P7.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I was after we had that conversation. I must tell you that I felt good.
Speaker 1:I could not have told my mother that who born me you know I couldn't have had that conversation with my, with any of my parents, and it made me understand that dying to self, just so that this child that had come with your own manual, if you allowed them to, it's okay. Your programs, it's okay. You're going to, of course, transfer some of your programs into your children. You're going to domesticate them some way so that you have same values and all of that. But a choice to parent is a choice to also allow this child come to their own, Give them, empower them enough to come to their own. I don't know about you, but I know that people most Gen Xers, and I think you too we're not giving the tools and millennials or whatever, Give them some. We're not giving the tools to one have conversations with our parents, have conversations with our friends, know how to have conversations in any way. So we are all walking around with who is the first person that is going to trigger me and usually.
Speaker 1:Because we don't know how to Communicate with ourselves. We will project.
Speaker 2:See, I don't know when we have, I think I to a large extent, and I do, and I do a lot of introspection. I do a lot of um, thinking, um in my head. I do a lot, a whole lot. Right again, that's one of the strengths of, of the introverted person.
Speaker 2:You do a lot of um, calculations, computations, postulations and all matters of theory work in your head, um, but when you see some of these things, they just you just be like, okay, so I'm not the only one thinking like this. I'm just going to be saying because you're literally just speaking thoughts from my see, I'm in a place right now and I've been on this, on this um, this particular place, where one of the things that I've realized that pisses me off, like it literally pisses me off, is when I feel whether it is valid, whether it is true or not. Let me just value when it's true or not, when I, when I feel I, whether it is valid, whether it is true or not, when it's true or not, when I feel I'm being shut down, I'm saying stuff and I feel like I'm being, I see myself going from zero calm right straight up to a nine hot hanger.
Speaker 1:Okay, what's going on?
Speaker 2:And yes, exactly, you know, I still thought about it last night because I know I see myself becoming better at being self-aware, really great at being self-aware. So sometimes I can see it and I can excuse myself from those conversations. But not every conversation you can excuse yourself from, especially conversations with people that you care for and they want to because they don't understand what it is that you're going through. They just want to have a conversation and bring it to an end, right, and they literally are saying stuff. They're saying stuff, you're saying stuff, you're trying to get stuff said and they're saying stuff and to you it becomes a shutting down. I've always not believed that my voice is loud. My voice is, so I feel that when we do that, my voice goes lower than yours. So even when people are angry and they're shouting at each other, I still feel my voice is very sufficient to override yours. And that's not about just shouting, it's about how I hear these things in my head and I'm realizing I've still. So I've come to a place where I'm like okay, but I look back at my like you said your story and I didn't find, I didn't find anywhere where I was being shut down, like literally being. I didn't find it. The only thing I found which I'm literally coming to that conclusion that um, coaching is. Coaching has done a lot for me. I can't, I can't even lie. Coaching has done a lot for me in in the sense of being very, very um apt about the kind of questions that I ask myself.
Speaker 2:Right, and when I was growing up I've always been a very inquisitive person. I can ask questions. I still those questions now because I'm older. Now you can't get me so I can ask my questions. Not actively done and I probably won't even know.
Speaker 2:Active shutting down would be you're saying stuff and they're saying is enough, you know those. Of course they said those things to children, right, right, but I don't remember a lot of those things. So I know that a lot of those things didn't happen. A lot of what happened was in passive shutting down. It would be me having trying to have a conversation with my father and it was mostly my father, and my father is a very soft-spoken person, so if you're not careful, you won't, you won't catch it. Very soft-spoken person. But I would be asking numerous questions and then my father would just say to me you can't understand when you grew older, when you grew older, and that's it, and that's it, and this is something that I can remember, at least from when I was in secondary school. Imagine that happening in your most formative years.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right Up to I can't remember having a full conversation with my father and it gets to a conclusion I can't, I can't. So is that how you go on? And then it opts out of that conversation or we get into an argument. That is not cool, but it just doesn't end.
Speaker 1:You're lucky, you will have conversation.
Speaker 2:You have the right to talk. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying my father was like so if you're not careful, you won't know where this issue. If you don't consider the story of the past, like you said, you won't know where this is coming from. And that's the only thing I'm seeing in terms of, because I'm really worried when I feel, and sometimes I'm thinking to myself, why do I feel I'm being shut down? I can tell that the person is not intentionally trying to shut me down. I can tell, but I still feel it. You get, I was just last night.
Speaker 2:I had that heated conversation with a friend and it just, it just dawned on me that, okay, so Allah, you have to come you. It just dawned on me that, okay, so you have to accept that this is what it is, so you can deal with it. Because every time I get into that place, it drains me and I'm not joking it feels like my entire system wants to shut down. When I get into that place, I just find my stomach churns, I have unnecessary headaches. Sometimes I don't even sleep well long after this thing has happened, because it takes forever for it to leave my system Right. And I just said to myself you know what? Okay, so now that you have come to this place, you have there's also. So, just coming to, it is not, is not it finally coming to an acceptance of what is is? And then now I'm, I can begin to move forward and say, okay, this has happened.
Speaker 2:Popsy popsy has died two years. You can't go back and have those, because before he died, when I began this, my coaching journey, it was easy for me to ask those questions and go back to him and say, okay, let's have this conversation. Even if you don't, at least I would still start it. He would say one or two things that would help right Before conversation would end. You know, so it's, it's, it's, um, like you said, it's that story of you. You disassociate yourself from those stories. You're never going to have a full life. It's just not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. It can never happen.
Speaker 1:It can't happen, it can't excuse me, sorry, sorry guys, I'm coughing so much because this conversation was supposed to have happened the day before, but, uh, my voice said I started to wake up without my voice, and then I woke up.
Speaker 2:So I should try to declare that.
Speaker 1:So, um, when we talk story and probably again my husband was just asking me so what's this season going to be about? I said majorly parenting, and I just don't want us to talk about helicopter parenting, unicorn-canicle parenting. You know Practical, practical ways of coming, because for you to even choose a style of parenting is like you say you have come to a place of self-awareness. Because I'm concerned, parenting is the orbit on which humanity pivots. Family when we say family, when we say family is the orbit on which humanity pivots, is that not saying how you parent every soul that comes into that, that is, within the family, how, what, what you give to them and they take to the outside world, outside of your immediate family? Is that not what makes humanity humanity?
Speaker 1:I want to be I know that we even in our holy books, the bible we've that I can't. We can count how many parents were parents you know now yeah, was there any? But was there any red? And maybe Ruth and Boaz when they had Obed.
Speaker 2:Maybe because there was no point of starving maybe but we saw.
Speaker 1:Job being permissive. We saw Job being permissive. He knew his children were doing certain things and he would pray for them instead of chastising them. Eli Samuel was a great prophet, but he was not a great parent. David was a man after God's heart, but oh see, absalom, adonijah, oh, taps. We can go on and on about David's children, you know right um, even abraham um noah. Oh my god, the list right.
Speaker 1:There is really no um in quotes for those who are in the faith really any family that you can really look at and say and and then when we talk this way, people think that we're saying that they should, especially when they hear the spoil the road be spared. The road spoil the child thing. People think that we're talking about not disciplining the child. They're two different things.
Speaker 1:You know you can beat a child and the child does not understand. And then you are raising no, you are rearing an angry child and then you say that you have the use came to beat the madness out of my body. Okay, then you have your own child. You want to beat them. Did you like when we're beating the madness out of your body? How would you have preferred they chased out the quote madness from your body by a big thing? So people? So there's a lot of questions um that we need to answer um in in in talking. Parenting and family.
Speaker 2:I think what we would do would just be to, because everything about parenting is just interwoven.
Speaker 1:Too interwoven.
Speaker 2:Yes, For example, what you said now would drive the madness out of it, because I have a problem with labels. If you already label an attitude madness, you want to deal with it the way you think madness should be dealt with, because that's what, that's what words and assignment of meaning to words. That's what that's what.
Speaker 2:That's what words, an assignment of meaning to words. That's what it does. That's what it does. I would not say to a child, you are a liar, because that now confers a personality on that child. But I will ask the child why are you lying? That's an event that doesn will ask the child why are you lying. That's an event that doesn't make the child a liar. If we're able to separate how we label things, it would help us a lot. But you know that can be very hard If your vocabulary is not wide enough, which is why yeah, that's why I encourage people to um again.
Speaker 2:I'm saying this because of my very, very keen interest in communication and I realized that how you speak to yourself on the inside will translate to how you deal with people on the outside right. Um, I learned to look at people more from how they relate with people on the outside Right. I learned to look at people more from how they relate to people Right, and that's not because I want to label or judge, but it tells me about the kind of conversations you're having on the inside. It just tells me you don't need to say a lot. You don't need to say a lot. You don't need to say a lot because I can say it, because I can say it, because I can see it, you know so, for me, when you talk about the issue of issue of parents, one of so I was going to say this some time ago I came across, um, something that I can't remember now, maybe when I I can try and find it talked about how, um, it requires one person to say this trauma that has been traveling through a different.
Speaker 2:Yes, it has to stop with me. We don't have enough people doing that, unfortunately, unfortunately, and it's a lot of hard work. Maybe that's why we just those things they call the demon in my family. That's how I am, you know, it's not. It's not just how you are. It's passed through different mutations, different mutations through your family lineage, right? Maybe some passive yeah, passive aggression from your mother's side, plus malice from your father's.
Speaker 1:I agree with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree with you, because you don't know whether you're passively aggressive. You know you're passively aggressive. You also see that you're petty and you don't understand you're passively aggressive. You know you're passively aggressive, you also see you're petty. You also see, you see, and you don't understand how can one person have multiple um reactions to something you know I can see that you're only here from that, um, okay, so so what we're trying to say in a nutshell?
Speaker 1:because we started this with the issue of time being chronologically challenged and then we got into parenting.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And the families, the stories of origin. What we're trying to say, though, everything is interwoven. The beginning of anything, whatever it is that you want to do, it boils down to self-awareness. Um yep, that's. That's the long and short of the story we're trying to tell. Of course, a lot is going to be here over and over in the course of the season. I'm going to get people. I'm hoping my mother-in-law actually has agreed to come on the show all right, all right, nice, I spoke with her.
Speaker 1:I said I was doing something. I want to do, a series on parenting, and I would, since she's still here, let's hear, um, yes, from her, from her, or at least let us speak for a bit for her generation and I, I could say certain things because yeah, can I have a lot of conversations but you know, I was telling her about, you know the book and I was telling her about the book and how it came about and all that.
Speaker 1:And she was like she calls me almost every day and goes like how far have you gone? She's in Taipei, you know, you know and I remember her saying to me I think this was on Thursday last Thursday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to me I think this was on Thursday last Thursday. That, yeah, this was on Thursday. And she said to me Uluwatu Mishi, you need to get that out, because those of us who've made mistakes need to start to write them before we go, and then those who are just starting will know what not to do, and those of you that are already there will learn and constantly evolve and I'm like did you write the book with me?
Speaker 1:and she's like no, but she's not for me. You know, and I'm so glad that I I hope I can record her very soon and then we'll have this. I'm hoping that she comes on very soon and we'll have this conversation. I can't wait to hear from her. I can't wait to hear and I'm sure that, as we continue with this series or in this series, what's the preposition. I hate them In with the series. I hope that.
Speaker 2:You're the English major. Don't drag me into that, please.
Speaker 1:Go away. You know, I hope that we get to a point where we understand that our stories of origin are the bane of whatever it is that we are. They are also the fulcrum on which we can pivot our future for ourselves. The better future, yeah. How would you run this stuff?
Speaker 2:I don't even know where to, but again, I don't know where to I don't know. So this thing can run on for five hours and still won't exhaust what has to be said. But my last, my last word for this particular episode would be that whatever it is that you can do to find the answers to the questions you have not been even been able to articulate, whatever it is you can do to find those answers, because in the answers, the kind of, probably kind of future that you really, really, really want, please just take the leap. It might be hard, right, it might cost you. I'm going past that place of saying it won't cost you. It might cost you, but please, for the sake of yourself, because you find answers to those questions for yourself, it would help you to be a better person, for you and for everyone around you. Right, that's all.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much, ola. This is going to be an interesting one. An interesting season because I'm particularly about humanity. An interesting season because I'm particularly about humanity. Of course we are not short-sighted, or might I pick to say that we can solve all of humanity's questions. We're not even sure we don't even know how many people would listen to it, but for Ola and I, if it's just one family that deserves we, have got our job.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So stick with us, stick with us, stick with us. All right, until next time. Remember that you can leave a text. Okay, yes, you can leave a text now. Whatever it is you want us to talk about, just click on that link, the first link, it's just above the show description, note just click a link. Send a text what you feel about the episode, what you think we should be talking about, how do you think we can make this better? Just send us a text love yourself, love your neighbor, love your country. Above above all of this, love god is the essence of your being. Until next time, please. You're serious? Great, yeah.