A Soldier's Reflection: Navigating Past Life Memories with Benjamin Carraud

In this episode, Benjamin Carraud describes seeking therapy near Paris after persistent, distressing flashbacks that felt like his own firsthand memories of World War II combat from a German soldier’s perspective.

He explains how speaking with a therapist helped him recognize the need to experience a hypnosis-based past-life regression.  The night before the regression he had a violent flashback of executing a bound prisoner with detailed physical sensations but little emotion. 

During regression he relived being an officer dying in a tank and experiencing an immediate, seamless shift into a disembodied awareness with altered perception of distance and an urgent concern for his men. 

He emphasizes that post-death animosity vanished and reflects on documenting these stories truthfully to examine how ordinary people became involved in extreme violence, without excusing SS crimes. The host closes by teasing that the next episode reveals a clue to the man’s identity.

Transcript

james_1_01-15-2026_084400 0:36

welcome back Benjamin Carro to this second of our series on on your experiences in and having flashbacks and past life adventures. And so welcome. We talked initially about the fact that you. You started having these flashbacks of of battle and things, and you continued to have them and you were in China and you were working, and then at some point you, sought out some therapy, I think. And could you tell us about when you. Went to get some therapy and you, had a regression. Yeah. So I went to see this lady in the west of Paris and she, it really surprised me because she really made those and suffering linked to past life issues as the front and center of a practice. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. And so I went to see her and I just very, as I, I explained the previous episode how it, the first initial discussion went with her, but it was extremely moving for me to be able to give space for thoughts to expand.'cause I really feel like in a discussion the things you conceptualize in your mind is when they are spoken and acknowledged and repeating back to you. With some variation or the point of view of the therapist now you really start to give to allow those folks to expand. And what started as a screen becomes a word, maybe becomes a sentence, and it went from I think those great flashbacks. I don't know what's going on to feedback and grieving. Hmm. And I should agree with you. Yes. Because in having these things given to me, And I should agree with you. Yes. Because in having memories, yes. Something was taken away because I think what I like to explain is that when you go through the, especially in the early stages an experience where you have this very strange strange phenomenon of past life memories. I just want to take a moment because we use that word so much in our circles, past life that it its meanings. Yes. Words cannot express how strange it is to have thought that are not yours to have. Other obviously memories that I'm not yours, but what surprised me the most was and I had the hardest time accepting, was that I was. Every time I went to those flashbacks, I was experiencing myself. I said, it's me. There's no doubt. Okay. I don't feel like I'm seeing somebody else. It feels like it's my eyes, my body, but the things I see and the things I have in my head are so far removed from who I am as a person. That was very hard to deal with. I had a flashback where I was driving on some field. It just dreamy weather. It's sunny, it's not too hot. And we have a column of text that is advancing, like a d Okay. And I know he's around me, that there is a lot of bodies in that field and they all look the same. They've probably been under the sun for Okay. They all bloated, they all look extremely similar. And, and I know that they're enemies, obviously, and I it's a delightful spectacle for me. Oh my goodness. There's hundreds of bodies and, and Oh my goodness. There's hundreds of bodies and, and the, uh, the emotion that you felt was, was ha was good. It was good. Really? They're not gonna bother us anymore. Wow. I mean, it, it can go as, as simple as and the emotion that you felt was good. It was good. Really? They're not gonna bother us anymore. Wow. It can go as simple as wondering why the hell is there hundreds of dead infantry on the field where what do you attack from there? Nothing. A lot of time it's like this, I had a few flashbacks that made no sense. Even as I was remembering it and I mean I've, I can see where this is coming from because reading a German reports realize that sometimes they would notice things on the field that were, it's strange. It was just so hard to cope with. And that's why I learned in that therapist office that I it's, I need to grieve. Okay. Okay. I need to grieve for my life that I felt at the time was taken away from me when I was in China. cause I felt very strongly, and I still do to some extent, even though it wasn't my way. But if it wasn't for that, my life would've been extremely different. Okay. And you have to, you have to grieve them. Yes. And that you, you and through, because of these flashbacks that you didn't ask for, you didn't want them, you didn't anticipate them, but uh, they were there, they're real. You're dealing with them, Yes. And because of these flashbacks that you didn't ask for, you didn't want them, you didn't anticipate them, but they were there, they're real. You're dealing with them, and it changed your life really. For the better now. Okay. I think it's I mean we could go on and on and I'm sure we will about how it changes you as a person, because I think this is the most beautiful part. Okay. But at the time, I remember it as a time of suffering. Yes. There is also another layer of complexity added, which is, I'm French, but I have a dual heritage. I'm British woman mother, and I'm French for my father. Okay. And both sides of the family we had, we have veterans with force in the second world. Okay. Mainly my grandfather with whom I was extremely close, who was himself a D-Day veteran. Okay. And he even got some medals from France because he essentially gave his many years of his life so that France could be free. So how do you reconcile that with how everything I see is the perspective of German soldier? It made sense. I remember, like somebody asked me once when I was going through my story, he said do you think you could have been influenced by something? And I, that's something I considered heavily.'cause I thought there is no way I can have so many precise images of what seems to be the German army during the Second World War. I must have heard about it. I heard a story, maybe read something that I shouldn't heard a story, maybe read something that I shouldn't be reading. And I did an investigation and I found two possible origins. One, being a German officer that my grandfather looted when he looted his corps, oh, took it, took his gun, and brought him back to England, 54, 30 years. So I thought, okay, is it like this guy, if it's somebody for real, could be you. And then another story came to mind when I was younger, I was exposed to the story of a SS officer who died in 1944 in Normandy. The reason why I had about it, because his cap was going to be donated, I think is funny, something like that. And they was telling about how this guy got basically touching her by a American rocket. And buried in the field of a local family, that one, they just buried the body that they still had to come. So I thought maybe it's one of those two guys, but if I tell you what happened during my regression, you really know why. I don't think that those two. Okay. Okay. I, I just want to, before we start talking about your aggression, I want to say that in, in my, I have had past life regressions and. And in, in my regressions, I just want to, before we start talking about your aggression, I want to say that in, in my, I have had past life regressions and. And in, in my regressions w which were much more brief and not as detailed as yours but I do remember very well feeling the emotion of the person that I was in that life. And also I knew the thoughts and, and the analysis of a situation that I was in. Then, my in one, my younger brother had died in a wagon accident. And I was sad for his loss, but then I had, life had to go on and I had to assume some roles in the family. And it's it's amazing how. In a moment, you become that person and that you feel all those feelings, just like you had with, in immediately. You knew that the rockets were not gonna be end danger endangering you, and you knew all about your job as a leader of this infantry in the city. And it's really amazing. And it's so real. And when you feel the emotions that really brings it home, it's I'm not imagining it, I'm feeling it. It's something wild. Yeah. How do you experience that? Because it's usually, it's very hard to put into words. it is hard to put into words. So when you went to this therapist and they suggested that maybe past life regression would be of help to you, I think. That's right. She offered it. She did say, I recommend that you take you went to take a regression with me. But she said, she asked me if I was familiar with it, and then she explained usually what you try to resolve through that knee. It just so happened that I had experience with hypnosis and I knew I was very receptive to that. Okay. So I said, okay, like, let's try, I mean, as far as I was concerned, I was, uh. A bit running out of ideas. Yeah. I'll try anything Okay. So I said, okay let's try, as far as I was concerned, I was, a bit running out of ideas. Yeah. I'll Yeah. I'll try anything to get rid of this. Yeah. I try and also I felt like it, I felt good in that office with her. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Because also the idea of coming to see a therapist and say, Hey I just remember awful things from, left and center. Yes. I had this fear of being judged, which disappeared Wonderful. Wonderful. very quickly. You needed that. Oh gee. It's finally, somebody shows you a way out. Yes. I don't care if it's unproven. I will, I'll take it. I'll take it. Let's go. When does it start? Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Come with me. So tell us what happened in your regression? Oh, actually some things happened before. Oh, okay. Yeah. Alright. We set the date for. Seventh of November, 2017. Okay. Nine 30, I go there and because the office of my therapist was a bit far away from where I lived, I decided to stay with my sister for the night. Okay. And when I went to sleep, I remember being by myself and thinking about the next day. And then another flashback came, and this one was extremely violent because I'm very short to get, but this time I have a rifle man. And I have somebody in my pocket and I see a human being with his, he has his hand tied behind his back, and I get no emotion. I just shoot him right back of the head. And for some reason I'm extremely aware of every physical sensation. Like I can even feel the, the trigger. The release and when the shock hits, like I can tell you exactly where you feel the recall in your hand or on your shoulder or how you shift your weight to the front foot so that you can have balance when you're shooting. But as far as emotions are concerned, it doesn't really bother me that much. To be fair, the whole situation was developed in the regression, but that's. Oh wow. Is what I'm going to experience again. Okay. And so to, Okay. And so to, well, to let me just say to me, I, it would be pretty scary because you don't, it's such an extreme and let me just say to me, I, it would be pretty scary because you don't, it's such an extreme and horrible flashback that you had the night before, the, or dream. And now you're saying, okay, let's open the door and go there. I can't imagine what you must have felt like. I don't believe it. I just was, yeah, I just went. And very quickly the session starts and she leads me to walk down the flight upstairs and for some reason I could the stairs that I pictured in my mind were stairs. I had actually physically visited in Poland. Because I had told visited in in lovely place, by the way. There was a salt mine and you had to go down like a hundred flight of stairs. Oh, at the bottom of the, the Oh, at the bottom of the mine. And for some reason, these, those stairs that I saw going down. And then at some point she says you've arrived where you are meant to be. And I remember very clearly three doors. One of them was open and through that door, that I actually went through without being invited by my rapist.'cause she said at some point go through that door and I was, what's going on here? what's going on here? But I immediately knew I, and I was extremely distressed by an older I had received. I could pay it for summer and I was in the light forest and I had been given an order to stop my unit and face East. And why east? Because as I'm looking where the enemy could come from, I see that the sun has reason maybe two, three hours So it's still coming from a relatively shallow angle, and it's from the east and I'm over overcome by this wave of. Apprehension because I know my enemy. I know that the Russian soldiers we are facing, they can't coordinate as well as we can. And so if you are, if you're moving, you will never encounter a large scale coordinated counter effect against you because they don't know where you are. Or if they do, they can't get enough units coordinated at one point. But if you stop, it's a completely different story. Like they can probe. They can identify the weak spots and just pull a lot of forces in a concentrated area. It's vision stops and now I move to something else. Now I'm in my, I tank and as the vision starts up that specific point of view, I can feel my body being thrown forward because the tank has stopped at roughly. And I can tell there was just an explosion inside the tank that came from like the front right angle and hit one of my crew members around the shoulder. So obviously the whole scene is absolutely disgusting. And I'm, I'm not hurt. I'm not wounded, but I, obviously, I've lost hearing'cause of the explosion. And my immediate reaction is, alright we need to reply. There's a threat from that direction. Now we are like way in battle. Yep. But I noticed that first of all, nothing comes out of my mouth. And at the same time I realized that the crew members that I can see there is one immediately to my right with the gun loader. And he's hister completely hysterical, just yelling. And I overcome by this wave of yeah, this is over. But it's about to end in a few seconds'cause I know the tank is stopped, so I'm still in the light of sight of whatever gunshot at me. And it's it's gonna be the end. And then I have this thought on repeating my head. I'm the first two, I'm the first two, I'm the first two. And that's a very real thing to think as an officer. And obviously that's second. That second shot comes and the end. I, I think that is so interesting because that you, you, you were, you, you were an officer and you had that thought, I'm supposed to be the one coordinating this and leading this, and, and I can't, I'm not gonna be able to do that when I die in the very near future. This, um, I mean, you will know a little bit more about, I think that is so interesting because that you were you were an officer and you had that thought, I'm supposed to be the one coordinating this and leading this and I can't, I'm not gonna be able to do that when I die in the very near future. This you will know a little bit more about the person I remember being, but this person had a family and I've always been very puzzled by the fact that I didn't have a thought, at least I don't remember it, but I didn't think about it. Where in that specific moment I thought about a lot of things, but I was thinking about my man, the situation. Even the last step I took. To climb onto the tank. I remember that my, my left foot was the last to touch the ground. It's a silly thought. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And you know, it's about to, and Wow. Wow. Yeah. And it's about to, and then, I could go on and on about the mental process that goes on.'cause at first it feels like a storm of ideas coming. You're gonna die. It's all going to be, you'll never go out this tank. You won't be able to eat human boom. And then the silence. You just know that any time the space is going to collapse. Do you know what I used to have nightmares about when I was a child being locked in a metal coffee in an, I felt like this coughing was about to collapse at any time. Oh, okay. That moment is the thing I remember Oh, okay. That moment is the thing I remember most from all the. The elements I remember from this experience, and there you were, those few sitting there in quiet knowing that this is a, this is it. It's about to end. You have reached the, in French, we say you need to the sudden realization that your existence in time and space is about to turn. It's a very frustrating experience. Wow. Wow. And to my great surprise the shot comes I'm So I know the second shot also came from my right, but then I'm no longer in my tank. I've been ripped from it and instantly placed in a very odd location, about 20 yards. On the, probably about the same angle I'm seeing the tank and I'm seeing it slightly burning. And then I see some strange stuff, like one crew member comes out and rolls on the side, on the left hand side of the tank. Yeah. The end. And uh, immediately the, the, what was most surprising to me was that there was no clean break between being alive and being dead. In fact, I think it took me a, it wasn't instantaneous to realize, oh, you've immediately the, what was most surprising to me was that there was no clean break between being alive and being dead. In fact, I think it took me a, it wasn't instantaneous to realize, oh, you've just died. It's only the fact that it. I was I wanna talk a little bit about that. It really was here, you were no longer being what I call a spirit in a human body. You were just a spirit, you weren't in the human body anymore and, but you were still using. What we would consider our mind to analyze that situation. To say, I'm not standing up. I'm not that tall, and I'm not, I don't, I'm not aware of being on a ladder or anything that would get me up this high. And so you're thinking it through, but you don't have a mind anymore because you don't, not in a body. And aware that I was a little bit too high to be a natural physician. I and it's these oddities about space and also something that I noticed that the perception of distance is different when you are not in you can be aware of something happening. Because after I done a lot of things happen that I remember some of them took place maybe 200 meters from where, okay. I was in the tree line where I was just earlier. cause I, in the open. And so obviously I I you are aware it, how come? I, it feels like, I'm far away, but it feels like I'm also very close. Yes. And distance close instantly, and all these things or you can see what is behind all the things. All the things. They're not puzzling, they don't make you think, Hey that's not normal. At worst, it's an afterthought because I this thought of I'm way too high. I'm, as you said, I'm not five meter tall but it, it doesn't really allow me Yeah. In that my worries are different at the time. Yes, yes, yes. And I wanna take just to one step back and, and to, to focus Yes, yes, yes. And I wanna take just to one and to focus on something that you said earlier. Is there, there was no, it's not like you went over a little speed bump or there was nothing to indicate to your consciousness that you were going from. Inhabiting a body to not inhabiting a body. It just was smooth with no interruption. Is that right? Instant. Instant. To the point where I think the flames that I described the, probably from my current understanding of what happened that day, the flames were visible for a few seconds, okay. From the. A description of eyewitnesses. So it would've been, this shift in consciousness was instantaneous. Yeah. It wasn't 10 minutes after. It wasn't even one minute after, it was instantly you go without transition from one to the next, and it felt very easy actually. And it very easy, and it wasn't a scary situation. You weren't like, oh my God I'm not in my body anymore. It wa you, you didn't feel nervous or scared about it, right? I did, but not for the reasons you would expect, because Oh, tell us about that. I consider that my journey following my mind because this is what I did lasted for four days. That's what I estimate because there are some things I remember that happened four days after that date and that I could still verify there was anguish. Okay. But for my men, I was aware they would be a sort, wow. Which one? Undefined. I just knew that there would be many more deaths and, and their destiny mattered to me greatly. And actually I wanted to go back and read them. That's the dominating thoughts of my places by their side at the front to lead them into that book because they're still here and I'm not. But even the idea of I'm not here, I'm there. That thought became, that idea became clear after a while. Okay. It's, I don't remember this way that immediately you have clear thoughts about I'm dead, it's over. I belong to whatever I want or not do. The meeting the, even though the perspective was very different the mindset at the time was exactly the same, which is I'm sitting battle. What changed though? I considered all combatants to be on the same side, which is the one on the living. Oh, that is so interesting. Let's, let's pause there for a second and talk about that. Uh, I mean, it's clear as an, as an SS that is so interesting. Let's pause there for a second and talk about that. It's clear as an SS tank commander that there was no question that you were going to be killing people that were your enemies. And when you saw the, all those, the bodies of your enemies on the ground you were just happy about it. And then. You had a, you had this much different view of that group of people. They, yes, and that was instantaneous. Even the gunner of the anti-tech gun that took me out, no feelings whatsoever. Wow. After a while on, the other side would say, but still very much connected to what happens on the ground. I was a witness to a very large battle, and I remember being both German souls and Soviet souls. If you can use that to qualify them. I don't think it's, no, but they, they were former German soldiers, former service soldiers. Yes. Together, just waiting for the, no, but they were former German soldiers, former service soldiers. Yes. Together, just waiting for the, waiting for the what? Waiting for the, did you say the new one? We were waiting for the next ones to die, basically. Oh, okay.'cause that, that perspective okay. cause that allowed me to understand a few things about like when you have a violent death, especially on the battlefield, like some don't realize right away that they died. Okay. As this clinic you are, you can, you are aware that they're here. Okay. And you are aware that they're struggling and you know that it's only a matter of time until they take a step back from figuratively from what it I then they enter the realm of the wondrous I can't help but mention at this time how much I appreciate you. Looking back into this very emotional and difficult time to share these things with us, Benjamin, because you have had this experience that that most everybody that's gonna be watching or listening to this has not had and probably will not have. But the concept of traveling seamlessly from. Living in the human body to not to having immediately be on one moment you can hate the enemy. The other moment you're have no such feelings and you have no animosity towards the man that ended your human life. You just are there. You're conscious of what's going on the other side. It's it's so illuminating. It's so fascinating. Thank you so much for doing that and the fact that you were a true leader in your human life because even after you transitioned, you still wanted to get back there and lead those men. They needed you want to be there for them. I, first of all, thank you for you. The kind words I noticed some of the things I talk about. There are things I try think about. Yes. I do consider that the story is behind me in the way that I've incorporated it. I've discarded what I've discovered and now I live a very peaceful Yes. But I do feel like I need to take those moments sometimes to. To share the details. Yes. Because there is a lot of different levels. You can look at my story. There is some people are just interested in the re inclination aspect of which I get right. But I also think right. But I also think that my story, and I dare to say, because I've done a very large investigative work to really trace back the life of this man down to me many details that I think it's it's the moment. That really marked a challenge for me was the moment I realized that behind this bravado, behind this violence, behind this ruthlessness on the battlefield, there was a man grappling with very complex and deep rooted not variety issues because it's not that, but let's say a true crisis of. Of realizing that what you're doing is going is fundamentally wrong, okay? And I think that to understand the path of these men, and I hope you'll have pleasure reading my book. By the way, I invite you to read the author's note. And I make a point, I made a point having this path of the text before the body of death. Okay? I don't think that. Okay? I don't think that. Any of those men that served Nazi Germany, especially the Ss, deserve forgiveness. What they do deserve is to have their stories told truthfully. Because I consider myself even beyond a memory carrier or anything, I consider myself a message carrier and I feel like the story is not complete if I don't give this aspect of the. Of the problematic as well, which is you have some men that stray ordinary Yes. Lost to extraordinary violence. And I, I don't believe that there was a curse generation that was born in general in Germany where they packed all the angry souls that wanted to make the world burn and make them born in Germany. If you had some people who, if it wasn't for. The Mad Men that led on the blood bath of the Second World War, they would've been shopkeepers, they would've been doctors, lawyers, God knows what, but instead they were taking on the bath bed, was extremely painful for them while alive and also on the other side. So I think for me it's it's not a question to give those by details and allow myself temporarily to. Dive back into those bad moments because they are key to understanding the moral complexity of some of the men that served the s It's may, it might be not true for everybody'cause there was some true crazies that saw a way to exploit their national tendencies. But there was also a lot of, I would say, regular people. They were just forced by a different fire. Different time. Yes. Yes. Doesn't excuse anything, Yes. Yes. Doesn't excuse excuse anything, but I want to tell the to this. It is important. Thank, thank you so much. And, and, uh, we're gonna need to finish up at this point in time and, uh, uh, when we come back, we're gonna talk about how, um, in this, uh, Thank you so much. And we're gonna need to finish up at this point in time and when we come back, we're gonna talk about how in this past life regression, you got a key or a clue to the actual identity of the man that you. That you that you were, and and we're gonna move on with that. And it's going to it's so fascinating and I thank you so much, Benjamin.