Ep. 36 - Shifting Self Care From Obligation to Inspiration With Amy Burnie
Kathy Washburn: [00:00:00] Today we have with us Amy Burney, passionate advocate for women's health and mental wellness. Amy shares how becoming a teen mom at age 14 shaped her trajectory, leading her to a nursing career and then entrepreneurship in the health and wellness space. We learn of her experience with clinical burnout, not once, but twice.
It was that second time that led her to realize that she had to prioritize her own self care. From setting boundaries to self care practices, let Amy inspire you to prioritize you and regain balance in your own life. May this podcast be a catalyst in helping you become the better version of you, just bursting to step forward.
[00:01:00]
Kathy Washburn: Hello, Amy, Bernie. Welcome. Welcome. Thank you. I am so excited to introduce you to our audience. The way that we connected was through the amazing Jessica Papanow. She's been a guest on this podcast and although she calls herself, She is a, Fashion consultant and helps people invest in themselves from the outside in where I on my podcast, it's [00:02:00] helping them invest from the inside out.
She's also a mad connector and everybody that she introduces me to. I'm just kind of blown away at how our paths cross. You. are passionate about and a huge advocate for women's health and mental wellness which has been driven by your own journey. And I've heard, it be said that we are best meant to teach the person that we once were.
And I think that is a beautiful testament of your history. You, have worked in Public health for many years inspired by becoming a young mom, which we're going to hear more about and I'm super excited, but you became a nurse, a young nurse and after 14 years of nursing you've begun to shift your focus to entrepreneurship.
Co launching a health and wellness company in [00:03:00] Canada where you live and also a contributing author and a book that, Les Brown actually, wrote the forward for, and it's called, it's right behind you, right? Yes, it is. What's the name of it again? It's called Get Up, God's Not Done With You Yet.
Yes, exactly. So I am a super excited to talk to you. You also, the idea of holistic health and specifically hormonal issues or holistic hormone specialists, super, super Appropriate in our times for so many reasons for women, especially type C women who often are so stressed out and also dealing with menopausal issues and don't always understand the combination of.
Of those two things, what stress does to our adrenal system at the same time, it's trying to be a a super conductor of hormones [00:04:00] for us. So I am so excited to talk to you today. And is there anything you want to add to that introduction? We're going to weave you in and out of this conversation. No, that's great.
Kathy. I'm excited to be
Amy Burnie: here. Thank you.
Kathy Washburn: Well, welcome.
Kathy Washburn: The first question I'd love to ask you is just to give us a grounding. Would you be willing to share your story of being a young mom and how that has influenced the trajectory forward?
Amy Burnie: Yeah, for sure. So, I mean, being a young mom shaped really who I am today.
For sure. I actually became a mom when I was only 14 years old. I had my son I grew up with a lot of anxiety. low self esteem, body image issues which actually stem from a diagnosis. When I was 12 I was diagnosed with scoliosis and I was immediately I put, I was put in a back brace that I had to wear 23 hours a day and I hated
Speaker: it.
Amy Burnie: It hurt. It gave me body sores. It hurt my self [00:05:00] esteem. I hit it under my clothes, so you can imagine, you know, psychologically what I was dealing with. And so I started to rebel experimenting with alcohol, sneaking out of the house when my mom would work on Friday nights. I just, I wanted to escape that reality so badly.
I was on a destructive path and then I got pregnant at 14. So being a teen mom, you know, it just came with so many challenges, but it also gave me a strong sense of purpose and direction. You know, I had to learn quickly about adult responsibilities when I was 16, my son and I got our own apartment and I can remember the months leading up to that I would take three public buses to school in the morning, rushing him to daycare, carrying a heavy backpack, a stroller, a diaper bag and a two year old on my hip.
And it was hard, you know my biggest lesson from that time, I think, was just the power of resilience and, you know it was tough and I can remember times, you know, looking at my son when he was sleeping and literally tears running down my face when, you know, he was young and thinking, [00:06:00] gosh, how am I going to do this?
But I was driven and, I think that drive actually came from my own mom, watching her as a single mom struggling. She had two girls to take care of and, you know, she always preached education. So, for me, at that time in my life, the only way out I saw was, I've got to get my education. So I decided in grade 11, I was going to be a nurse and I became very resourceful.
I think that's a theme of my life as well, because I knew that I wanted to get into nursing, but I didn't have the grades. So I took summer school to get my math out of the way before grade 12. Then I convinced them at the university to give me a conditional acceptance into nursing that I would get my grade 12 chemistry right after I graduated.
So It was just really, I was driven like a motor, just trying to really prove myself at this time in my life. And I did, I graduated high school with honors, right into nursing school, then right into the workforce and had this goal to work with teens because of my own experience. [00:07:00] So kind of fast track that I was actually the youngest nurse that they'd ever hired in in the role of a youth health center coordinator, which was a role as a high school nurse.
And I did that for 9 years.
Kathy Washburn: I, I am overwhelmed just thinking about the, pressure and the, the commitment and the tenacity. Wow. What a beautiful role model you are to that young man. Thank you.
Kathy Washburn: And I hear this little, sub level of, Intensity and giving that can often lead to something we call burnout.
Amy Burnie: Yes.
Kathy Washburn: Something you experienced. Is that right?
Amy Burnie: Yes, definitely. Something I know all too well, actually. I actually experienced clinical burnout twice. And, you know, I think that it really came from pushing myself without hitting a pause a lot of times, and [00:08:00] you know, this work that I did in schools, although I absolutely loved it, it was very demanding, it was like a revolving door of, you know, youth that had a lot of mental and emotional problems.
I also, You know, was going through some personal stuff with a very toxic relationship that I was in. So when my son was six I met someone who we moved in quickly together and, you know, ended up getting married, but it was a lot of codependency going on. I also think that I was someone who was a little bit pre programmed for burnout.
I grew up, you know, without a father figure until my stepdad came into my life when I was 12. And. The only example that I really had was my mom, who was always pushing herself and, you know, rarely slowing down if ever. So I thought that's what it meant to be a mother. You know, I thought that's what it meant to be a woman.
I thought that's what it meant to be a professional. And I think a lot of listeners can relate whether you're in health care or not. It's just that pressure to keep going, you know, even when your body and your mind is saying [00:09:00] stop. But, you know, for me, I was also I had this sense of guilt for saying no to things.
And so I would keep stacking more on the plate and joining this committee or saying yes to whatever was in front of me and not realizing, you know, that whole burning the candle at both ends. So I didn't really see you know they say you need to fill your cup. Well, I didn't even know I had a cup until it was all the, way empty.
Kathy Washburn: Right. Right. Right. And almost. Broken on the floor. Yes, the, I read the staggering statistic about, healthcare in particular and burnout. I traveled around the United States for a year and my intent was to work with cancer survivors, but on several, in several different states, I worked with staff, because of burnout and healthcare specifically nursing.
And the statistic actually says that 46 percent of healthcare [00:10:00] workers reported feeling burnt out often or very often, and that was from 2022, but that was up from 32 percent in 2018. And it stated that the highest burnout rates were for nurses. And I often think about that when I talk about this type C personality or type C personality.
Behavioral patterns, which is the giving the giving and believing that is your existence. That giving is, is why you're here on the world in the world, like, and that there's no room to receive, even to receive, like you said, receive the reset button. And I interviewed a woman on this podcast, a fellow positive psychology coach.
And she was talking about some research that was done saying stress is not [00:11:00] actually the problem because we are always going to have stress. It's just how we are, especially if like you say, you're kind of born into this way of being, whether it's in your DNA or how you were loved into being and who loved you into being.
But, So we're always going to have stress. It's the antidote of the stress is to allow your time for your body to recharge. Yes. So the necessity of taking moments and, and recharging. And I remember this moment when I was going through my, my, treatment, I was in the hospital when I had cancer for seven days at a time.
And this one woman said, I'm going to go do my, she would say, I'm going to go de stress. I'm going to go do my meditation. And I was like, All over it. I was a yoga teacher at the time and I was like, good for you. Good for [00:12:00] you. But she would come back and she would smell like smoke and I was like do you smoke cigarettes?
You work on the women's cancer floor and you smoke cigarettes. She's like, that's my meditation. And I thought, Oh, sweetie. And she was so young, like no. So to be able to take care of yourself,
I think you probably know all too well. And you. Did a pretty good job right now of summarizing the recipe for burnout.
If you have anything to add to that, I'd love to hear it, but I'd also love to hear the recipe of getting back to a baseline
Amy Burnie: after
Kathy Washburn: burnout.
Amy Burnie: Yeah, and for me, you know, it really was I was forced to reevaluate everything and just recognize I remember going into my doctor's office and I was just in this denial and I was you know She could recognize that I needed to go off work and I was saying no, but I just have okay But I have to wait three weeks because I have all these other things.
I [00:13:00] need to get done first, right? And It was just a real realization for me Especially the second time that happened that I need to recognize just how rundown and how actually sick I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, you know, I was dealing with autoimmune issues. I was dealing with anxiety, my thyroid was out of control.
And so it really was for me getting back to baseline was about just recognizing it. Number one. Number two, I worked with a counselor who really taught me about boundaries. I'd never really had that conversation before, surprisingly, and learning to say no. Without guilt and I remember recently hearing the Olsen twins from Full House, right?
The twins one of them on an interview said something that I found quite profound and she said no is a full sentence They grew up hearing that and I'm thinking no is a full sentence You mean you don't have to say no, something has to cut you So that's what I was always doing something had to come after the [00:14:00] no But it's okay to just say no And so I can remember back a real turning point for me was when my mom and my grandmother, actually, they both were diagnosed with cancer, breast cancer, at the same time.
And my gran my grandmother went more of the traditional treatment route, my mom went more of the natural route, but they both ended up, thank goodness recovering. And it really just was what that was the time that shifted my mindset about, you know, the power and control that we really do have to influence our health and that, you know we can do things not only from a holistic standpoint, whether it's with nutrition or looking at our hormones or detoxing or learning about what's in our environment or the products that we're using.
I just really, you know, looked at that time in my life as, okay, you know, I, I'm on a trajectory that isn't looking very good and I need to change that. So, really, I started to focus on these things the things I just [00:15:00] mentioned and then mindfulness. You know, I started to practice things that I had really, they were foreign to me because I was, like I said, I was driving myself like a motor all the time.
It wasn't slowing down. So I was learning about proper rest you know, getting more social connection, believe it or not, you know, people who are. You know, working all the time. It's like you miss that piece, but the social connection, meaningful connection and having fun was something that I felt I was really missing, which was a recipe for me to help get things back on track.
And, you know, connecting with self care, but learning about what that is. And it took years. I'd like to say it was fast. It was not fast, right? And once I really started and I heard a woman actually on a Ted talk once say you know, how long do you think it takes to recover from, you know, clinical burnout?
And, you know, I would have thought maybe, Months, and she said, you know, a year if you're doing everything correctly, right? At least a year. So, you know, I had to look at everything that was happening around me and [00:16:00] realize that a lot of it I was letting things happen to me instead of realizing. Hey, wait a second Like I do have some power here and I did end up exiting that toxic relationship so just the courage to start over was, you know, a big piece of My recovery from burnout and then ultimately, I ended up stepping away from nursing.
So, you know, I really felt like I was being called to a different purpose. So reinventing myself as an entrepreneur, I guess you can say, and, you know, finding ways that I just felt more aligned with my soul. Right. And I think that for a lot of people doing something that just is no longer serving you can really just create that drain.
So for me, that was a big part of getting back on track.
Kathy Washburn: I want to just say that last line again, the idea of identifying something that's not only not serving you,
Speaker 4: but
Kathy Washburn: draining you and using that as a catalyst to change. I think so many people stay [00:17:00] stuck in this place of, well, I'll just stay here for, you know, three more years till I get my.
You know, bonus or I'll be in this relationship until the kids get older and go off to college or I'll, not do what brings me joy until, but there is no, you know, there is no waiting for this. Like I think that we, I grew up in this culture of when I retire, like there was going to be some kind of Nirvana that happened after that.
But until you got there, you had to trudge, you know, trudge through and deal with whatever. Whatever soul sucking, experience you were dealing with and it's not to be so that ability to choose Viktor Frankl is one of my heroes and that choice point, it's a choice. So [00:18:00] with so much going on in your life and, having gone through so much, how do you find that?
That choice point is it? I hear so much of what you're saying as this kind of redirection to yourself,
Versus the pushing all of your energy out towards others. All of a sudden, there was this redirection of self. Is that, what's that? thing that gave you the courage? Did you actually see yourself?
Amy Burnie: Yeah, you know I think, it was that, you know, I think that it was realizing that I really had no relationship with myself. And I know now, I think the strongest relationship that you need to have is with yourself. And I often hear parents say, you know, So you know, and I was guilty of this as well.
Parents will say I, my kids need to come first, or I have to put my kids first. Right. And I get that. And I think for basic needs, you know, food, shelter, you know, love, their emotional wellbeing, you know, putting them first, but [00:19:00] putting them first shouldn't mean putting you last or not at all. And so I was a chronic people pleaser, right?
Like I, I didn't know how to put my own needs first. And so something that I talk a lot about now in the work that I do is focusing on self care. And I think self care is the antidote to people pleasing, right? Like people think of self care is like pampering yourself, right? And it is that, but for me, self care is so much more than that.
It's about, you know, reclaiming your time and your energy and setting boundaries. Right. And so I think that, you know, people, you're right. There's this culture of like working long hours, multitasking, not taking time for you or for the things that you enjoy putting off things, right? And, you know, like you had just mentioned that feeling of I'll get to it eventually.
Amy Burnie: You know, and maybe the problem I'm going to be a little hard on people here, but like, maybe the problem I hear a lot. People say there's no time. The number 1 reason why [00:20:00] people say, I don't practice self care is because I don't have time and the question that you need to ask yourself is when will that be different?
Right? Like, and you mentioned this, you know when will I allow myself that space? Is it going to be retirement? Is it going to be after that next deadline? Is it going to be when the kids are grown up and moved out? And maybe the problem isn't time at all, but maybe somewhere along the way. You determined that you were less important than whatever was in front of you or whoever was in front of you.
Amy Burnie: So I like to talk to people about reframing, right? So, you know, saying things like, I can't find time. We don't find time. Okay. So the clock ticks, that time is gone. So reframing might sound like, you know, I will make time for, or better yet, you know, I will hold space for that thing because it's important to me.
Amy Burnie: And something that I like to also teach is like my, I call it the 3 hours of self [00:21:00] care to regain balance and the 3 hour rest, relax and realign. Okay, so rest and relax seems pretty obvious. That's people say I've got to get my R& R right? But it was the realignment piece for me. That was like the most important, you know, and you'll hear me talk about saying, and you said this, you know, return to self because realigning it's about, you know, you might picture, like, you might hear someone say, or you might have said this yourself.
Gosh, it's been so long since I. Fill in the blank, right? Or you know, it would be so fun to, I don't know, like take a dance class or guitar lessons or a cooking class, you know, that's the clue because, you know, burnout is not just about overextending yourself. Believe it's largely a lack of fulfillment in areas that bring you closer to your authentic self.
So, you know, getting back on track when I was going through all this drain was really about connecting with like, who am I like, what do I [00:22:00] enjoy? You know, we talk about the, others directed self and, you know, everything in my world was, it was really a reflection of other people's needs and their goals and not my own.
Right. So, so self care, you know, prioritizing and making it a priority. Knowing it's not selfish, right? It's necessary and making sure that it's not an afterthought or an option, right? It's something that you do. And so for me that's, become a big part of my regaining my, you know, not only my recovery from burnout, but just regaining that sense of power.
As well.
Kathy Washburn: Ugh. And there's so much power when you start to care for yourself. We talk a lot about that on this podcast in different ways. I love the realignment.
Kathy Washburn: One of the practices that I do with clients is they share with me what their values are and then we go and look at their calendar.
Speaker 4: And
Kathy Washburn: see where they show up on their calendar and. 99 percent of the time they [00:23:00] say, Oh, yeah, to your point. Yeah, I don't have any time. And if you don't have any time to put on your calendar to support the values, the things that are important to you. You know, I hear a lot people will say nature.
It's like, oh, hey when do you go on nature? Never. Well, sometimes in the summer when I'm on vacation, I'll usually plan my vacation to be in nature. So to start putting little, little elements in. on their calendar, making time for themselves. One of the things that I learned from you, is this new self care ritual, which I'm about to turn 58 and it has never ever been a part of my life.
I used to pride myself. I have two boys. And when I was married, I always joked that I was in a house of men, which meant I had like. Three minutes to get ready. So I would just be prideful of the [00:24:00] fact that I turned my head upside down, put the hair dryer on high, slapped some makeup on and, moved along.
Kathy Washburn: But you introduced me to this self care ritual at night. I've been doing it at night with this product called K Beauty. And helping me really shift self care from obligation to inspiration. That was something that you shared with me, and I would love it if you could just share with the audience, how skin care is indeed a way to honor yourself.
Amy Burnie: Yes, I love that. I work a lot with women and I mean, this can apply to men as well, of course, but I just I love the idea of shifting from obligation to inspiration. And I felt in alignment with this company. Actually, it's just launching in North America when I was, you know, you know, Completing my hormone course and looking into, I was looking into different products and supplements and things that are natural because I'm very much in a [00:25:00] holistic standpoint, things that I could feel confident, comfortable recommending to clients I was working with.
And you know, I fell in love with the philosophy of the K beauty ritual because in Korea, so K beauty comes from Korea. You know it's very deeply ingrained in century old traditions where it really is a practice where mothers would teach their daughters about self love and self care through these rituals, including their skin care ritual.
And it's really more about, you know, I think it's just skin care, right? But really, what it's about is about slowing down and taking that pause. You know, when you look yourself in the mirror doing the steps of the K beauty ritual and you know, saying positive affirmations to yourself, smiling at yourself, it's really about honoring yourself.
And so for me, skincare used to feel like a chore. You kind of just mentioned that as well, right? And so when I started to look at it as skincare as more of a ritual and something that I enjoyed [00:26:00] doing, rather than just. Something that I rushed through, it became transformative. And so when I'm working with women and I'm talking about self care practices, you know, simply something as simple as your skincare routine can be a place to start.
And then I believe that has, you know, a larger purpose. I think that it has a ripple effect. You know, if you can commit to, okay, you know, I may miss a lot of things in the day, but I'm not missing my, my, my ritual, my skincare rituals, it means something to me. And so, you know, that can then have that ripple effect where you are learning to slow down and pause in other areas of your life as well.
You can build from that simple ritual into, you know, other practices. And so I think that, you know yeah, we're talking about skincare, but you know, let's face it, we all love having beautiful glowing skin and it's just something that makes you. Feel good. And I think when you do things that make you feel good, you step out into the world, a better person, whether it's in your, you know, friendships, your family relationship, your career or your community.
Kathy Washburn: So true. And something I've experienced myself in the [00:27:00] last, you know, Two weeks, just almost looking forward to it. It's the first thing that you put on is it starts as a cream and the more you rub it, it turns almost into the feeling of, of shaving cream, you know, and yeah, it's so soft and just doing that and I'm staring at myself in the mirror and I'm just thinking, wow, My whole life I didn't do this and I love that it was passed along that this is a ritual and another culture that we can take as our own.
I grew up with a mom like you just busy doing, and I never understood how she could carry so many balls in the air at the same time. And I felt that was the standard. And self care was not part of that. That equation, so to introduce that, [00:28:00] into our culture as a sacred time for oneself to just making it sacred, for your own benefit.
So that actually, that was one of those moments of filling your cup. If you fill your cup before going to bed You get to wake up with your cup full and ready to spill it over into other, lives. One of the I read a quote a while ago from, I can't remember the woman's name. Her book is called worthy.
I think her name's Jamie Kerns, Lima, maybe. Yeah. She has, it's such a beautiful book. And one of the quotes in there that stuck out to me is about, This cancel culture that we live in, and I had never heard that phrase, but her quote is one of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture that no one talks about is us cancelling ourselves.
Yeah. [00:29:00] And I, when you were talking, I could feel that sense of, when we're not looking at ourselves in the mirror and making ourselves sacred, we, the other side of that is that people pleasing, I don't have enough time for this. I don't have enough time for myself actually canceling ourselves out. Even saying that gives me the goosebumps because I feel like, wow.
Women that have so much power to help other people change their lives are cancelling themselves out. Like how can we be the most giving when we're cancelling ourselves?
Amy Burnie: That's powerful. Yeah.
Amy Burnie: Yeah, and something that I talk a lot about is just personal development. This is something that really changed my life.
You know, I can remember the first time that I was introduced to this concept of, like, personal development. What is that? And I was in university, actually, and I would drive to school and someone gave me a CD, [00:30:00] and it was Les Brown. And I remember listening to the CD and realizing there was so much that I didn't know about, you know, looking after yourself or feeding your mind through your body personal development.
I just want to add like. It's something that people again, it's like that. I don't have time. Okay. So what I love to tell people is that it's necessary because, you know I think that sometimes we, we try to think ourselves out of a situation or a problem, but our mind has taken us as far as it can take us, we need to infiltrate new thoughts, new ideas from leaders.
Right? And so being introduced to this was really a part of my, thought process. Therapy, so to speak, like learning that in order to make meaningful shifts in your life, wherever you want to do that in, you know, whatever area of your life, you have to be willing to be a student again. And so to make these changes comes from learning about others, you know, how they've gone through it.
And that's why I love what you're doing with your podcast, Kathy, because that's exactly what [00:31:00] it is, right? So transformation and have, you know, it happening in small steps.
Amy Burnie: So whether, and that's why I love the whole ritual aspect, you know something as simple as a morning ritual. So when I get up in the morning, you know I, never miss certain things.
I drink my warm lemon water. I do my stretching and strengthening for my spine because that's my weak area in my body with my scoliosis. I do 30 minutes of personal development, no matter what, and I can listen to it on the go. Right. So there's no excuse. You can listen to it while you're doing other things.
I do my skincare ritual and I visualized how I want my day to go. And I do that at the end of the day as well. So, you know, just these little things they matter. And so, you know, saying we don't have time really that is something that was programmed into us. We, do have time.
And in fact, that time when you view it as a sacred time like it can make such a big difference. So,
Kathy Washburn: so beautifully put.
Okay.
Kathy Washburn: So I have one last [00:32:00] question with, for you. Okay. If I were to crush you up and put you in pill form, what effect would you have on someone taking that pill filled with your essence?
Amy Burnie: What a fun question. I think that you would feel a sense of renewed energy and possibility, feel inspired to take time for yourself and prioritize yourself, and reconnect with what truly matters.
That's a lot to get in one little pill.
Kathy Washburn: I, I'll take it all day, every day. Thank you so much. I have taken that pill just in the brief experience that I've had with you. My, my evening ritual definitely was inspired by you And it has just reverberated into the rest of my day. I thank you for what you are doing in the world.
We will have connections on how [00:33:00] people can get in touch with you. You're so inspirational. Thank you. I just, I can't imagine having that, having started at 14 with that much responsibility and Really using it as a catalyst to be this amazing bright light helping so many others. So thank you.
Thank you for what you do in the world. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Kathy. Oh, I will. Our paths will cross again soon. I am sure of it. Until then, I wish you well. Okay. Thanks
Amy Burnie: so much.
[00:34:00]