Oft Off Topic
Oft Off Topic is a humorous podcast where two men with no memory or attention spans attempt to talk about all the nerdy and geeky things they love.
Marvel at how they fail to stay on topic in the most entertaining ways possible. If the subject is The Ewoks, they'll wind up talking about Tarzans nipples or Alan Thicke the robotic love machine. Talking about Mr. T and theyll somehow wind up connecting his success to the Umbrella Corporations T-Virus.
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Oft Off Topic
Star Wars Hotel Pt 2: A Galactic Disappointment
Imagine shelling out $1,500 for a two-night stay, only to be greeted by a room more cramped than a Motel 6 and a string of unresolved frustrations. Nate's experience at the Star Wars Hotel was far from the galactic adventure promised. From tiny bunks and an uncomfortable Murphy bed to a glaring LED space window and a disappointing low-end AI butler, the accommodations left much to be desired. Safety concerns also arose with a makeshift fireproof closet instead of a proper fire escape, casting a shadow on the lavish expenditure.
Navigating the Disney Plus app became a mission of its own, with technical glitches and confusing instructions overshadowing the immersive potential. Despite the promise of thrilling quests and interactions with beloved Star Wars characters, Nate's journey was repeatedly stymied by broken dialogue trees and unsolvable puzzles. The allure of joining factions and completing missions was dampened by these persistent technical issues, leaving Nate and his family more frustrated than entertained.
The broader Star Wars-themed section of the park didn't fare much better. High costs coupled with underwhelming activities and malfunctioning equipment turned excitement into disappointment. From overpriced lightsaber and droid-building experiences to missed events and flawed scheduling, Nate's high-priced vacation was marred by setbacks at every turn. Tune in to hear the full story of how a dream trip to a galaxy far, far away became an expensive lesson in unmet expectations.
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Part 2 of Nate's Star Wars Hotel Experience. On our last episode, nate bought his family tickets for the vacation of a lifetime at the Star Wars Hotel. However, things aren't off to such a good start, and they don't get any better for them from here on out. Finally, you arrive at your room and place to sleep for the next two nights and, to your horror, you find out boy, it's tiny, so very, very tiny, nate. Two nights, yeah, they're two nights. So very, very tiny. Two nights, yeah, three days, two nights.
Nate:Pay $1,500 for two nights. Yes, two nights.
Shaun:Three days, two nights, and remember the third day. You're only there for an hour and a half. It's basically just checkout.
Nate:Yeah, that's bullshit. I call shenanigans. Let me speak to the manager, so you?
Shaun:get into your room and you have two bunk beds, or you got some bunk beds and a murphy bed is what's going on there? You got, uh, two sets of bunk beds and the odd man out gets a murphy bed. That's very uncomfortable and just kind of swings down from the wall. In fact, it's a very small bed that most people just use as a shelf. Uh, this room is actually smaller than your average motel six room. If you uh bring up that little uh, those pictures I sent you. Yeah, oh, hold on, I'll upload the picture of the uh room real quick.
Shaun:Doop boop, there we go okay, I guess there is an actual bed, a pull-out murphy bed and then a set of bunk beds, but the room is incredibly tiny, yeah smaller yeah, smaller than your average.
Nate:Uh hotel six room yeah, I mean they had to know. They had to know, like at the beginning, their very beginning. They're like yay dreams, but like, as things were starting to wrap up, they had to walk around going, oh god, going on here.
Shaun:Yeah, those poor employees as they're uh looking around be like, oh god, I'm gonna have deal with angry customers over this. Yeah, this is not good, there's no jenny theorizes that the uh.
Shaun:Jenny nicholson theorizes that, uh, this room is about half the size of your average Motel 6 room and, uh, she said that her and her sister were cramped, being just two people in these rooms, and this room was described as fitting up to five. So this would be the room that you guys got as the cheapest room available. Ugh, yep, mattresses are firm but not awful. There's a nice comfy quilt on the bed and you want to buy one as a souvenir, but they don't sell them at the gift shop. This bums you out. You later read online people just stole them and let their car be billed for it, and you wish you had thought of that.
Shaun:There is a window in your room showing the vast openness of space A quote-unquote window, you know monitor, again, with ships flying by on occasion, and this one is also synced up with the windows.
Shaun:So you know, if you watch a ship pop in a window outside your room, you can run inside your room and be like, oh, look, there it goes, and also you'll get to see when the ship goes to light speed. However, apparently the screen quality in your room isn't that good. It looks like it has a glass, has like oil smeared all over it. So everything's kind of fuzzy looking and around this window there's also, to help it like pop out from room there's a really bright white LED strip around it. So if you try to sleep with your window quote unquote open, it's bright enough to keep you up at night. In fact, apparently people they wanted to keep the window open so they could see, like the space at night as they laid to bed, but the lights were too bright so people would actually take like gaffer tape and covering up the tape around the window because it's so bright.
Nate:Oh well, I mean it sucks to them also. I mean, that makes sense, why not?
Shaun:so then you get also finally get to experience your robotic butler or your robotic room droid. Remember they talked about robotic butlers and stuff like that in the hype? Yes, so your robotic butler is, um, basically, it's this tiny little tablet mounted to the wall. That's more or less an AI assistant that you can just ask questions about the Star Wars universe. Even AI might even be too much credit. It's basically like Google Assistant with a Star Wars skin applied.
Shaun:Basically, you look at this for two minutes. It's like hello, tell me more about the Star Wars universe and it'll just give you the most generic Star Wars answer. Hey, what can you tell me about my room? Most generic answer ever kind of thing. In fact, you're pretty sure that it's just like an iPad built into the wall running a really low-end app on it. After about a minute of playing with it, you're bored. So, yep, your robotic butler sucks, doesn't buttle, or nothing. No buttles, no buttles.
Shaun:And then your eyes slowly go to the corner of the room and remember when we were hearing about you know, don't resist, no escape fire. You know what they're talking about now. They fire. You know what they're talking about now. They were talking about the fire escape for the room, of which there is none. That's right, nathan, because of how the hotel was designed. In case of fire you may not be able to escape the blazing inferno because there are no fire escapes. So instead you get a small fireproof closet that you and your family can cram into and remain safe for up to two hours in a burning building. Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna come real handy. With a building collapse Absolutely, that'd be the first one. All not fit, especially if your wife wants to put her feet up, like she often does you become keenly aware that you will be voted out of the fire closet when the time comes.
Nate:Absolutely. That'll be the first one.
Shaun:Yeah, it'll be you. You'll be the last one.
Nate:Especially if they'd be like this is your idea 100% of like.
Shaun:No, this was your idea. You die in that fire, but but there's plenty of room. Ginny, I like to put my feet up. Go away, uh-huh, to take your mind off this death trap. You head over to the wall-mounted TV to watch some Disney goodness. What kind of cool programming will they have? Custom Star Wars shows, vintage Disney movies? You turn on the TV to be greeted with a Disney Plus login screen. Yes, to watch TV here, you need an existing Disney Plus account to log in, otherwise no TV for you, and it's not even.
Nate:TV. It's just your stream, yep.
Shaun:Yeah, it's literally just the only thing you can access on your TV is Disney Plus. Just stock Disney Plus that you have to pay for and watch at $10 a minute. Well, yeah, $10 a minute, I mean, I guess the service itself isn't.
Shaun:Yeah, but still, I mean, you can watch Disney Plus at home. Just hunky doodles, right, you would hope that they would, at least, you know, have like I don't know the loop of the old Ewoks movies going on or something. I mean I guess you could watch those on Disney Plus, but for free. So now that everything's put away in your room, you decide to start your immersive adventure experience and first thing you do is fire up the app on your phone and look at the schedule, so they give you an app when you show up, and that is to dispense missions, uh, set up meetings between you and the actors, keep track of your loyalty towards the factions of the ship, because, uh, basically, as you do things or do little quests, uh, there's it'll uh, tally up who you're kind of getting more points with the uh, the resistance, the good guys, the first order, the bad guys, or the smugglers, the smuggling guys. And as you do quests, various characters from each faction will pop up in the app and give you more quests to do and stuff and help you build a faction with them and move the story along for you. And also, it's got a messaging feature in the app too. You'll get messages from various characters on the ship being like giving you backstories and lore, not real messaging. You know it's just like NPC messaging, it's not like the actual actors, text. And as you look at the app you realize there are some like important characters that you have to be aware of, some like overall characters that are going to really move the head. The stories. These are the main guys. You got captain Keevan, which is the one you see on the promos blue captain, blue skin, red hair. Apparently it looks really bad in the photos, but skin red hair. Apparently it looks really bad in the photos but it looks pretty good in person, like the makeup and everything. Yeah, yep, you got Lenka Mok, the cruise director.
Shaun:Lieutenant Croy, the first order officer. He's the main villain and the one that you really really want to get buddies with because you're really trying to get that bad guy thing going. There are some stormtroopers wandering around and they basically have like a pre-recorded soundboard built into their costume and they only respond with those things. So if you try to have a conversation with them, they kind of only can respond in like you know half a dozen pre-recorded things. But apparently you can actually kind of have a decent conversation with them if you know what you're doing.
Shaun:They also have stuff like Sammy the ship's engineer, bumbling Newbie and the SK-620 droid. They have a little tiny droid that just kind of rolls, wanders around and makes beeps and boops. He's part of the resistance package, or the resistance side, and the thing about him. Though. Wherever you see little SK-620, if you look hard enough, you're going to see the dude controlling it, and it's a dude dressed in what they call quote-unquote dad gear, which is usually a hoodie and a hat and a camera bag where the controller is. So if you ever see remote-controlled critters in any theme park, look for a dude in dad clothes. Somewhere nearby there'll be like a dude in a hoodie with like a camera bag and a little baseball hat pulled down low, kind of hiding in the corner.
Nate:I mean that makes sense. I actually looked at the SK-620 you're talking about but yeah, yeah, I mean I understand, they can't just, I don't know, hide them better.
Shaun:Yeah right, Well, they probably had to be in line of sight or something for the remote controls to work, I guess.
Nate:I guess it's $10 a minute.
Shaun:Who better?
Nate:You're making so much money from this I know right, because I'm not the only one here and looking around, everyone around me is playing at a minimum $10. Never mind the people who pay me more for like.
Shaun:Thing too as you notice as you wander around looking at all the actors and actresses, a lot of the female actresses all kind of look like Ray and you assume that's probably because they just kind of swap around the actresses, you know, depending on their shifts and schedule, and they just need some as much cross acting as they can get, cause, yeah, apparently there's a this group known as a Saja that are there which are lightsaber lightsaber training group. They're kind of like the blind monk from Rogue One, but apparently most of those are female and they all kind of look like Rey.
Shaun:Just enough that you're like hmm, bet you, one of these are the Rey actors, or most of them just didn't, mm-hmm, not Rey actors, as she's sprinted like I'm done oh what?
Shaun:Oh well, it's kind of suspected how this hall works out, though, with the quest and everything. It's kind of cool. You start out doing stuff on the app and doing the quests on there. You know it's going to be like hey, go to this area and scan this QR code and whatnot and continue on the story this way and as you do those, it, you know, builds up tallies for which crew you're doing it the most, with which side, and that all syncs up with their headset or something and as you walk up it'll give them a quick rundown of what you're doing story-wise. So it'll basically do something like if you're walking up to the First Order guy, his earpiece will be like Nathan trust level high, and then the actor knows that you're on the First Order storyline or whatnot. Or it'd be like Nathan trust level low and they would know that you're the Resistance or whatnot. Or it'd be like Nathan trust level low and they would know that you're, you know, the resistance or whatever. Or you know Nathan smuggler, so they know that you're doing the smuggler thing and how to react with you on that. So that's kind of neat.
Shaun:So when you actually, after you, do enough quests on the little phone. When you start walking up to the actors, they'll start like kind of individually talking to you and giving you you know, going along with how your story's going so far, as much as they can. You know, right, which. That's kind of cool, makes it feel a little bit more personalized and whatnot. And also that band too, as you do quests on the phone.
Shaun:That's how it'll start unlocking stuff like the bridge and other little areas, the cargo hold. You'll just walk up and wave your little bracelet and be like ding. And as you go over this app and play around with it and figure out more and more about it, nate, all of a sudden you can't help but realize that this app looks pretty much identical to the Star Wars Galaxy Edge Theme Park app, the Star Wars Datapad app, with slightly different interface. You went to Star Wars Galaxy Edge Theme Park, didn't you? Did you use the app there? Apparently, when you go there, there's an app you can use to do little side quests, which basically results in just going around like scanning QR codes and stuff. No, I didn't do that?
Nate:No, okay, well, we were with because we went there, but it was also with like a school trip, like we went there. So, like you know, it wasn't, we weren't exactly on our own doing our own things. We were we had a lot of freedom, but it was still yeah.
Shaun:Yeah, we didn't have that much time, so we didn't do it yeah, it's probably one of those things that just would have been a sidetrack or distraction enough yeah, I just.
Nate:We just want to get around led to frustrations yeah, we had enough kids to keep track of.
Shaun:I don't want to be all like let's do this now because they'd be like no oh, you look over the quests and you realize, hey, if I do this one quest I'll probably become part of the first order storyline. You're like like, hey, what kind of fun, cool quest am I going to get? And you kind of have it in your head where it's going to be like one of those choose-your-own-er. You know one of those adventure games back in the 90s where you know it's like, hey, the captain wants a kyber crystal, but first you have to get the key off the droid. But to do that you need to track down data disks. So you're like, yeah, sweet, what are we gonna do now?
Shaun:So the quest first has you go up to the atrium and it tells you to go to a terminal to uh start your quest. So you run up and you immediately assume it's a touchpad, start pawing at the screen like a puppy and realize, nope, not a touch screen. You feel like an idiot. Uh, makes sense, though I guess you don't really want touch screens everywhere, with uh kids pawing at them and everything there. So you go up to this monitor and you start pushing little buttons and stuff and the screen says please enter password. Think to yourself oh, yeah, a puzzle, this will be cool. How do we figure out the password?
Shaun:You start running around the atrium looking for cool clues, even wander around to the actors and start a conversation, see if they blurt out a clue, like an npc, but nope, nothing. You check the app nope, nothing there either. You wander around confused watching other people seemingly do this quest, but nothing's happening for you. This is frustrating because this is also costing you $10 a minute, causing you to finally give up and be like well, let's go figure out something else to do. Frustrating.
Shaun:You learn later what was supposed to happen as soon as that password prompt came up on the screen. The app in your phone was supposed to send you a private message from the smuggler storyline and send you off to go do another quest, but for whatever reason, the app in the terminal did not sync up and you didn't get that quest, and this basically locks you out of the smuggler storyline. Oh shit, yeah, which sucks, but you kind of won the first order storyline anyway. So there you go. Still frustrating, though, because you're seeing children running around all over like popping in passwords and stuff and doors opening from their mood. They're like, yay, look, this is so much fun and you're just like, huh, I got one broken quest so far. You even actually follow around a little kid at one point. After he like plays around Terminal, you like sneak up before he logs out and you start playing around on him and you're like, wow, there's some cool stuff they're doing in here.
Shaun:Things have popped up for you, though, yet so you said maybe if I go talk to the uh leader of the first order, maybe then that'll trigger a quest form or something like that. So you run up to lieutenant croyd, the leader of order, the leader of the first order, and, uh, you meet him and you have some very delightful role play conversation and you make it very clear that you're on his side. You're like can you, can I do anything for you? Do you have any missions for nudge, nudge, nudge? And he's just kind of like you know, does his thing and then wanders off.
Shaun:And when the conversation is done, you're like hop on the app. You're like, maybe, maybe I'll get a message from him or something. And then nothing, just wander around, nothing's happening. And then you pick up your phone, you dick around on a little more and all of a sudden you get a text from Lieutenant Croy that says I see, I can trust you. Would you like to help with a mission? And you're like yes, finally, first order mission. And it's like you follow this dialogue tree and it keeps going, keeps going and he's like starting to build this mission and then all of a sudden he kind of ghosts you yeah, the app apparently bugs out or something, and that dialogue tree just stops halfway through and you never actually get to finish the quest through that way either. So this may have actually locked you out of the first order, thing You're not quite sure yet Shows you. Yeah, they put a lot of effort into this app thing, didn't they? Too much effort and not enough.
Shaun:Yeah right, you go around trying to figure out how to keep this quest going and nothing, nothing's happening. No quests are popping up for you. Your family's actually getting some quests pop up. Your family's actually getting some quests poppin'. They're running off and doing things. They're having a little bit of fun, but for the most part for you nothing's happening. You wander off to go check the Sabacc Lessons, as the schedule says, and you find out there's gonna be a Sabacc tournament tomorrow and the winner gets a large novelty poker chip Neat. You don't wanna play that so you don't hang around there. But you're hoping that if you notice there's some events going on like space bingo and space line dancing not stuff you'd be interested in, but that's what you could do in this hotel space bingo and space line dancing. It's out of space line dancing just brings a chuckle to me yeah, that's pretty bad.
Shaun:You wander around playing with terminals still no quest, nothing popping up. You see a family about to pop into the bridge, which, uh, you know that takes doing quests and stuff, and the door opens for them and you basically just sort of like sneak in with that group behind them to see what's going on, cause well, nothing else is going on. But since you get in there there's nothing. There's like your app isn't syncing up with any of the computers in there, so nothing happens. You just kind of wander around the bridge and boredom there too. This keeps you busy until dinner time. So you head to the restaurant to have dinner. Food is buffet style for the and, uh, okay, the sides are a buffet style and the main dishes are picked from a menu you know you can have, like your meat or your veggie or your fish or whatever. Food is good. Star Wars themed Service is really good.
Shaun:And then while you're eating, suddenly Sammy the smuggler guy comes running through the area with none other than Chewbacca. Ooh, exciting, something's going on. They make a commotion as they run through the place looking for a place to hide Chewbacca. They don't succeed and Chewbacca gets cost and hauled off to jail. Then comes the big dinner music show with the Twi'lek singer and her band that are going to perform for the night, and they set up at the end of the restaurant and start dancing and singing on and putting on what sounds like a really cool show. However, you can't really tell how cool of a show this is because you and your family got seated right by one of the four support beams that decorate the restaurant. That thing is right in your line of sight, did?
Nate:that actually happen to this lady.
Shaun:Yes, this literally happened to her. Everything that's on this happened to her. The whole app's not working. This is like straight from everything that's happened to her. Literally, there's like four giant white support columns in the middle of this restaurant and they are like seated right next to one and that column is literally blocking the entire band and the music going on and you can't see them doing anything. And, even worse, at one point they kind of shimmy back and forth around the pole, almost as they're like teasing you and joking with you. Because, yeah, like you'll just see, like one of them like take two steps out from behind the pole and then two steps back and for the majority of that show it's performed behind the pole.
Shaun:At one point the lead singer does walk through the crowd to the other side of the restaurant and right behind the other pole, on the other side of you, and again you see nothing. Then you notice that, uh, in the middle of this room is, uh, it's no poles, nothing obstructing you. It seems like people are having a really good time, with characters walking around talking to them, almost like some sort of VIP area. Let's cut back to that lost email that you never got. Turns out for $30 per person you could have upgraded to those captains table and been like right in the middle of everything. Oh, so they're kind of like punishing you.
Nate:You didn't do this, so we're going to stick you behind the pole.
Shaun:Possibly yes, there is a looked at him and were like, hmm, we'll just stick you behind. This pole bitch Show is over and you're like well, that sucked, since we only got to see half of it. But then something exciting happens. Lieutenant Croy messages you and tells you he needs you to meet him for some blueprints that he needs. And since there's no specific time listed, you assume you can kind of wait until you're done eating your meal and everything. As you finish your meal, all of a sudden the check comes and on it it has a torn up piece of a secret message. It's like a third of a notebook piece of paper, like a third of a sheet of A9. And you notice the other tables have gotten thirds of a page also and you wisely assume that you should bring them all together for a clue. But actually no, pretty much everybody's paper, even though it's from different chunks of the paper. It all just basically says the same thing, slightly worded differently. So no reason to bring these notes together. It's just a cool aesthetic I write stupid.
Shaun:This message was from Sammy the Smuggler, to meet at the atrium at 945 to help him break out Chewbacca. This you know. You're like well, this is a resistance thing, I guess, and I didn't really want to do it, but at least it's something. So maybe I'll go check that out. But before this happens, happens. You get to hear about bridge training is happening. Yay, you got to go up to the bridge and see all those cool things, and maybe we'll even get to punch it to light speed, like you always dreamed about or at least the commercials gaslight you into believing. Right, get up the bridge for some fun activities game and hopefully a chance to punch it. And you get there and you're greeted with what's kind of neat at first. It's this giant open window screen covering an entire wall, kind of like from the concept art you saw. You're like, oh, that's cool.
Shaun:And also there's a bunch of these tiny little stations everywhere that people are lined up to and doing stuff at, and a lot of these stations are just there for looks. It's just like useless buttons and levers and you know knobs to spin. Okay, think of those. You know the car driving things you get for a toddler with the steering wheel and little gear shifter and speedometer. Most of the stations there are basically like fancy Star Wars themed ones of those, but there are a few other stations that you actually get to play little games on. And these are four activities you get doing this thing Gunner shields, loader engineering these activities are not doing this thing Gunner shields, loader engineering these activities are not that as exciting.
Shaun:Like for the gunner, you stand at a station and guide this little reticle around the huge window up there and you shoot at enemy ships, kind of like an old Atari game. This is actually done in a team of two. You guide the little reticle around and then whoever your partner is actually pushes the button to shoot. And you got like team stuff together, which this is kind of held back by the fact you're doing stuff on this giant screen along with everybody else at the same time. So you're just one reticle out of like 10 flying around and you're got to keep track of what's going on and that's kind of fun. But again just feels like an ipad app. You're playing on a big screen.
Shaun:You move on to the loader game, which, uh, is kind of basically just like a little. You get your own screen. You get basically do like a crane game going around and picking up stuff, and when you pick up stuff with your little crane you gotta like rearrange the block, so it fits a little hole it's going through. There's another one that goes uh is done in pairs, also kind of like a fancy ipad app. When you get to the shields uh station, play the shields game. Uh, you know that game. You're just like hitting the ball through the wall and trying to flip it back and that kind of thing. Or Arkanoid. It's basically a reverse that You're building a shield, though, instead of knocking one down. That one's kind of cool, though, because it has its own custom table that you get to play it at, kind of like those old Pac-Man bar tables. You know where it tables, you get to stand over and look down. That one's kind of neat.
Shaun:After you play these games for a couple moments at each station, they're like rotate, and you get to go rotate and try one of the other games. These all kind of suck. They feel like games that were made for an eight-year-old to play and, on that note, they also score up everything at the end of the thing and rank you among the other people. This also sucks because you also get beaten by eight-year-olds who are better at this game than you, and at one point during all this gaming they grab one kid to put us into light speed. Now go do it and they run him up to the button. He gets to hit the button and be like yay, and everybody gets to go like yay. Look, the kid got to live out his dream of punching it to light speed.
Nate:So there you go, that's that one thing they hyped much, yep one kid gotta do it out of that whole group.
Shaun:Good for him.
Shaun:I'm sure, yeah, good for him. He probably is underwhelmed, just like everybody else too. Uh, the time you're at the bridge, though, there's going to be a special fancy story encounter that affects the whole thing that everybody in the bridge gets to experience. You know, and, uh, sometimes an enemy ship shows up on the uh screen and you get to fight that off as a whole team, or a special encounter with a star wars character will walk into the room.
Shaun:That'll be kind of fun, but the majority of the time and the time you're there, it's going to be an asteroid field, and this is determined by the fact, they say, an asteroid field shows up and all the windows in the hotel start showing asteroid fields, and this happens a lot, because about every 45 minutes, you're going to see asteroid fields out the windows, and this is because all the windows are synced, so you're going to see asteroid fields out the windows, and this is because all the windows are synced, so you're like, every 45 minutes, you'll probably see a asteroid. You'll be like, hey, somebody's in the bridge doing those bridge games neat. Apparently, though, the first time you go into the bridge is just a training to be like hey, here's how you do all this stuff. Later on they bring you back on the second day to do more stuff and actually be more competitive and whatnot, but it's still the same lame games that, that sucks.
Nate:I mean I don't know Like games can be hard. You know, sometimes they're fun. Some people think they're games fun, some people think games stupid.
Shaun:But if everyone thinks it's fun, yeah, you look at your phone after you're done the bridge Time to go help Sammy rescue Chewbacca. Yay. You go to the location that the note said and you come across Chewie and a group of excited people running around. Why were they excited? Apparently they had just broken Chewie out of jail during a cool event. You check your watch Still three minutes until the meeting time. On the note, that means that this event either started early and you missed it, or the previous event just ran way too long. Just in case, uh, you go to other locations to see if anything else is happening.
Shaun:No, you're quite bummed, though. You missed Chewie getting broken out. I mean, granted, for all you care that Wookiee can rot in a cell, but it would have been cool to finally do something or witness something other than you know shitty bridge games. Then you remember that there was a message from Lieutenant Croy to meet him and there's no specific time. So maybe you go, go meet him now. You go to the location and, sure enough, he's there. And, hey, you know that Chewbacca guy that you had in prison. He got out. Maybe we should go do something about it, because you're like, hey, maybe that'll be a cool story thing. Yeah Well, apparently your little wristband has you pegged for the resistance or something like that, because all he does is look at you and goes oh yeah, why should I trust you? But I'm part of the First Order. Why should I trust you? Because apparently they have you pegged as one of the good guys. Now, so much for you being on the bad guy path.
Nate:That sucks.
Shaun:Yep. You go back to your room for the night and you realize that today, sucked, none of this immersive adventure experience came to fruition. You go to bed. As you're laying in bed, you look at your app and you look at all those. There's this area where you can look up all the NPCs or all the actors and stuff and be like how good is your familiarity and trust with them? And you know it's supposed to be like high level, low level, high level, blah, blah, blah and you notice that your trust level with everybody is neutral. In fact, it's like the app hasn't been taking inventory of anything. You. You've been doing None of the quests or nothing you've been going through Like well, that blows yeah.
Nate:I mean, if it, if your enjoyment hinges on like some kind of trustworthiness with you know the actors and they're just going off what you're, what the app is saying, yeah, whatever info it's gotten, If it's not working, that's not cool.
Shaun:Day two you get up early for your 16 hours of immersive adventure experience because today is the day you go to Star Wars Galaxy Edge. The event schedule has you starting at 7 am and then you hop on a 9 am shuttle and to do all this you personally get up at 4 am because you know you got four other members trying to use that tiny little bathroom in your hotel. She didn't actually do that, I just kind of added that in. Yeah, Imagine one tiny little bathroom with all five of you trying to use it that'd be awful yeah, you'd probably have to go use the public bathroom with all the space, coke and stuff.
Shaun:So as you sit there waiting for your turn in the bathroom, you notice that you load up the app and notice all of a sudden you have a ton of quests popping up everywhere and you're like, yay, this would be kind of cool, if it's not going to be for the fact we'll be gone all day at the park.
Nate:So you get your breakfast. I don't care what quests they're giving me. We're going.
Shaun:Now, today is going to be your most exhausting day ever 7 am to 8 am. Breakfast 8.15 to 8.25,. Transport shuttle to Batuu 8.45 to 9.30,. Star Wars Rides of the Resistance ride 9.30 to 9.50,. Story moment 10 to 10.30,. Millennium Falcon Smuggler's Run 11.15 to 1145,. Lunch at Docking Bay 7,. Food and Cargo 1240 to 1250,. Transport Shuttle Back to Star Cruiser 1 to 130,. Lightsaber Training 230 to 250, droid Racing Competition 3 to 330,. Build a Model Ship 4 to 5, sabacc Tournament 5 to 530,. Cocktails at Sunlight Lounge 530 to 7, taste Around the Galaxy Dinner 730 to 845,. Story Moment Sounds exhausting, doesn't it, nate?
Nate:Oh my god, that's awful.
Shaun:But all in the name of making memories for you and your family.
Nate:Memory, how I hated this trip.
Shaun:So off to Batuu. You go, batuu, quote-unquote, the theme park, right. So you go. You get ready and you go to hop on your fancy little transport that you go to with your real custom droid pilot and you're immediately let down by that because basically you're in the back of a giant box truck with some seats bolted down into it, with some stickers and an LCD monitor on the inside showing you some stuff and your droid pilot. You don't really have a droid pilot. You know those little taxi cab stickers that say like, hey, your driver's name is blah, blah, blah, and a little picture of them. Yeah, that's your droid pilot. It's just one of those little stickers in the corner of the room. Yep, it's just stickers like this is your droid pilot for the day. Very, very lame. At best you're hoping for something like a you know animatronic thing, like a Johnny Cab. At worst you're hoping for something like you know something on the little screen there to interact with. But nope, you don't even get that, just basically a picture of a driver's license.
Shaun:So you get to the park. You get to the park to your own personal entrance which is kind of cool, I guess and it is dumping rain at the park, nate, just the thing you want to do while you're at the Florida park. You do get free loaner umbrellas downside. Is these free loaner umbrellas really suck? And they will be collapsing on top of you as you wander around the park, dumping water over you and your family each time I mean I'll give a small pass.
Nate:You can't, they can't control the weather. But yeah, yeah however, they should have been with for ten dollars an hour. They should have figured a way around that you know, yeah, get better umbrellas. Do something you know.
Shaun:You fire up your app and you decide to see what kind of exciting quest you get to do at this park here. The app says hey, we got a quest for you. We need to find out what's in these crates. Head over there and find out. So you excitedly run over there and figure out what you're supposed to do with these crates and it turns out you're supposed to take your app and scan a QR code and then you get a thank you message from a character and then they send you off on another quest to go find something else, which is another QR code you scanned and you get the thank you message and maybe the app will make a noise, if you're lucky. In fact, it's really lame, very lame, in fact.
Shaun:One example of this quest is uh, they, the storyline is like there's this giant jet engine outside of a restaurant and the storyline is like that jet engine is really loud and annoying. Will you please turn it off for me? So you go over there and you scan a QR code and you do this real quick little hacking game, a very simple thing and you turn off the jet engine, but the actual prop itself does nothing the actual jet engine that's in the park. It doesn't turn off, it doesn't flash. It doesn't turn off, it doesn't flash, doesn't make a noise or nothing. You just get text tone from your app being like thank you for turning off that jet engine and basically the way you turn off is just like a simple little rhythm game or almost like a lock picking kind of game from Skyrim. Very, very, very subpar stuff here.
Nate:I would be so angry I mean I don't know, very, very angry Yep.
Shaun:I mean I don't know, very, very angry Yep. And also, as you notice, there are people there who are trying to do the same thing too, but they can't get the QR code scanner to work on their little phone, on their app, and this was actually screwing up people's like missions through their entire experience, and I guess the only way to fix this bug that was happening at this park was to go to the park entrance check out an iPad from the place, but that would reset all your progress that you've made so far for the Star Wars experience. So, basically, you'd have to start over from your questing from the start if you got this bug that happened at this park. Does that make sense?
Nate:Yeah, that's not good.
Shaun:Especially if you were invested.
Nate:If you were invested in your progress, lost it all.
Shaun:Yeah, also too. When you get there, you get this little pin that basically says, yeah, also too. When you get there, you get this little pin that basically says, hey, this person's from the Star Wars hotel thing. And you're like cool, maybe the employees will give us like special treatment or something, a role play with us. Nope, they won't. They just look at it. If you show them the pin, they're just like, oh neat, well, if you want the quest thing, it's over there, I guess. Yeah, the people in the park don't give two. You're a part of the uh hotel experience. There are some other stuff there to do outside of, like scanning qr codes, like a lightsaber shop that lets you build a lightsaber for 200, or a class that lets you build a droid for about 200, because you got to buy the kits to do them for these classes.
Nate:You can do that without paying, like you can just go there and do that, because I went to those places. I didn't do either one of those things but that was available there for everybody. It was available I walked in there like, oh look, I can do that, let's not.
Shaun:And left yep uh, oh, okay, here's the thing. Sorry I kind of skipped around a little bit, but the reason why, uh, some people's qr codes were failing or when people were having their app lock up on the qr codes and this and that walking around the park, yeah, yeah, so what happens is, you know, you bring up this whole, you bring up the app and it brings up like the little scan the QR code. You know, you put your camera over and you push a little button, doodle, do, and it takes a picture. Well, that's actually not how you're supposed to do it. You're supposed to use like the little take a picture button if you're part of the actual just the park, if you're part of the hotel experience, to make it sync up with your hotel experience.
Shaun:There's like this little question mark in the corner of the app that you click that to take a picture of the qr code for. And you know it looks just like one of those help menu icons. So, yeah, nobody explained that to anybody. So everybody's like taking qr code pictures, the quote unquote wrong way and screwing up their, uh, star wars experience. Do you think that'd be something they would figure it out beforehand? But yeah, apparently not.
Nate:So they figure it out and let people know hey, seriously, or they would have changed the icon. Yeah right, there's a bit there's. I'm saying there's a million ways, but they're, they're okay. There are several ways you could approach this, doubt being logical, one A tell people about it. Or B change the icon, like oh hit this it looks like a little camera or a lightsaber or something, or something, yeah like hey, you know, if you're doing this experience, make sure you hit the lightsaber on the top right hand screen the camera function.
Shaun:Eventually, while you're there, you do get a quest that actually legitimately excites you. Nate, it's time to go to the canteen to get some information. Now, the cantina is basically a restaurant slash bar that's there at the park and I guess it's always packed and you need to book it like way in advance if you want to actually get inside of it. And thanks to the power of this hotel experience, you finally get to see the inside of it. Yay, nate, no booking reservation needed. Exciting stuff, or so you thought. You get to the door, flash your pin and they just hand you a coaster with a QR code on the back of it and send you on your way. You don't get to see the inside of the cantina.
Nate:So they're like it's, we'll just skip. Just skip the candy apart. Just give you the reward for going.
Shaun:Exactly. They're like figure out this info at the cantina. So you show up at the cantina.
Nate:They're like no, no all the info he needs on the QR code. Was you know a reason to get here? But it was like I was here for.
Shaun:Yep, the two best. Your two favorite quests for the day was the ones that took you on the two rides there that you were supposed to do the Millennium Falcon and the Rise of Resistance or whatever it was app or rides. However, to finish those quests, that ride, do those rides, you literally could just stood next to the ride and said I'm, I did it and they'll be like okay, cool, you're in the area. Obviously you did so. You don't even have to ride the rides to do the uh quest do um, do you the fast pass?
Shaun:at least wait in the whole line nope, you get a fast pass with them okay that's something I mean yeah, that's that's not nothing, that that is helps offset that ten dollars a minute you're paying.
Nate:We waited in that line from I line from. That was one of the worst parts about that. The whole park is the fact that you have to wait all the time and of course I've probably mentioned this before. I don't know if I mentioned. It's designed. The parks are designed. The parks are designed to get a bunch of people in line for as long as possible. Not on the rides in line there's more people in line. There's less people walking around so they can fit more people in, so that it's literally it benefits disney and any any theme park.
Shaun:It benefits them to have a bunch of people waiting in line because they can get more people in I've heard now there's even so much fast pass being bought that there's a line for the fast pass stuff too. Now, oh yeah, I believe it yeah, I refuse.
Nate:Though I refuse like I mean, maybe if I had a more expendable money I would refuse, but as of right now, I'm like look, we paid this much money to get here, I'm not gonna pay another like this pump. That's the thing with the five of us like it's fifteen dollars for one go. Okay, well, fifteen dollars for one go isn't a lot, but then you do that multiple rides for five people, it gets very, very yeah, I bet.
Shaun:So that experience sucked on. Uh, your trip to Batuu or whatever that planet was, I already forgot the name of you hop on your shuttle back to the hotel, dejected, and you start to think to yourself. You think back to 2011 and Disney's Kim Possible Adventure Experience. For this adventure thing that was free at Disneyland. When you first showed up, they handed you like an old school cell phone and as you walked around the park you would see things that would be like text platypus to 6524 kind of thing and when you'd do that, actual cool stuff would happen like aquariums would drain, a pair of the platypus mannequin would like pop out of a door and wave at you or something like that. Little characters like zipline across the sky off in the distance. Things would actually happen and it was free. And this was also 13 years ago, nate. Somehow Disney was able to put together a more interesting and immersive experience back in 2011 for free than they did for this Star Wars adventure thing.
Nate:Well, it had the SW words oh.
Shaun:Yeah, yeah, that is true. Yeah, because when you think of like Kim Possible and stuff, you don't see dollar signs popping up in Disney execs' eyes. Yeah, this is very, very true. You get back and now it's time for lightsaber training, nate, so lightsaber training.
Shaun:Remember how you saw that guy stand there and he was so very, very stiff and unanimated, blocking those lightsaber blasts, and you're like, oh, that's lame and he looks lame. So you get up there and you're like, fuck, yeah, I'm about to do some twirls and some spins and this and that. And you immediately start to do the old Nathan pizzazz with the lightsaber. And they immediately grab you and you're like stop, nope, nope, nope. Both feet on the ground. You have to stand there, move the lightsaber very slowly back and forth. Yeah, if you try to get fancy, they tell you to stop.
Shaun:It turns out it's because, uh, the first round is basically just a calibration round. It's gonna be like shining light at you and it's just like wave your lightsaber around and that's a calibration round. And then the uh. Second, uh, then there's an actual uh one where it's like the second round is uh, kind of like an actual real game, where it's, you know, shines a little light and you're actually supposed to block it and whatnot, but because the tracking isn't that good on it, basically you have to stand, stand there perfectly still and you know, keep your body still and just move your arms out in front of you.
Shaun:And then the third one is supposed to be the final one, where it's like you've passed all your training. Now you get to feel like a badass and it basically starts shooting blasts at you and it makes it look like you're blocking every blast perfectly. But basically it's just a timing trick where it's sending the layers for blast after you like do the blocking motion and stuff to make you feel like you're doing really good. But it's just a light trick. The whole.
Shaun:Thing is actually pretty boring and dumb.
Nate:I was wondering about that. It's like how much holding your hand to win.
Shaun:Yeah, yep, it was. Just it's not good. And again, you know you try to do like little spins and back flips and everything and nope, can't do that. They're literally like you have to keep your torso and your hips still and just move your arms, kind of thing. That's like the directions they give you on that. Yeah, they even jenny showed a thing. Jenny nicholson showed a thing of her like she was barely just bopping around just left and right a little bit and they like ran over and told her to knock it off.
Shaun:You can see a droid racing competition, and that's more for little kids, so it's like, eh, whatever. That's kind of cool, though, watching the kids have fun with that. There's a model shipbuilding class too that you can participate in if you'd like, but in order to do that you need to buy a model from the gift shop, and you'll be damned if you're going to dump more money into that. The Sabacc tournament is kind of boring and you just win a commemorative coin if you actually do good at that, but most people don't, so they don't get anything. If you're interested, when you go to the cocktail lounge, they actually have drinks there that are free for the non-alcoholic drinks, or a $49 per person upgrade for alcoholic drinks to get made for you. But they do have things where they make like custom Star Wars cocktails for you and they tell you a cool little story and they have like smoke coming off of them and stuff.
Shaun:And this is like one of the events that you're really excited about because you've heard it's cool, you've seen little videos and you decide I'm going to do that tonight for one of my last things here. So you sign up because you got to like sign up for the class and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you sign up for the class and you get your notification. Be like, be here. The mixology class is canceled. Sorry, no explanation, no reason why, but you sat there for a good 15 minutes waiting only to get nothing. Also, kind of you know a little bit more of the short end of the stick there for you.
Shaun:Yeah, you think yeah, apparently. Reading online later you find out that I guess more often than not those mixology classes did get canceled, which I don't know. I guess maybe the bartender was having withdrawals or something and couldn't do them certain days.
Nate:Paying that much money? What attracts you to come?
Shaun:in Yep, as the night winds down, you are summoned for an event. You're like, hey, this is kind of neat, let's see what this is about. Since, back at the park, one of the few QR code missions you did was scanning those crates that they asked you about. You get to participate in finding out what was inside those crates, ooh. So you get summoned to a room and in there you can see one of those Saja people and Ray, and they look around the room and they ask everybody like hey, did anybody scan some crates on that planet? And so and so and this and that do these quests and apparently only about a third of the people you notice are like yeah, we did. Everybody else's kind of looks confused, like why are we here? So it's that kind of clues you in that maybe everybody else's app is being weird too, or your other thought too is there might just not have been enough people on that storyline that they decide just pull in random people to make it look busier than it was. You don't really really know because they're not letting loose the secrets of this. But this whole storyline thing is basically you get to sit there and watch Rey and the Sajah open up a fake box and pull out a holocron and everybody goes ooooh, ahhh. And then Yoda pops from the holocron and gives a little bit of storyline info and that's pretty much it. Then they're just like cool, bye. But then next up you get to go to dinner and that one's actually going pretty good and everything's enjoyable. Then all of a sudden, dinner alarm goes, or the emergency alarm goes off and summons you to the atrium, which that's fine by. You already ate your dinner. But apparently, if you watch a lot of bloggers and stuff, a lot of people were like in the middle of eating when this happened and I guess they come and they grab you from your table Like Nope, you got to go see the storyline thing. Now it's the big fight finale, yay. So, uh, if you weren't done with your food or you got your food late, you're kind of SOL on that one. Yeah, I know, remember Nate a moment.
Shaun:Yes, you wind up in the atrium where bad guy Lieutenant Croy and the stormtrooper stand on the balcony that runs around the room. He announces that he has found resistant members aboard the Halcyon and everyone is under arrest. Oh no. Then from the shadows of the balcony steps the one and only Kylo Ren, and he stands there intimidating in front of the crowd and proclaims so they didn't pre-record stuff. And the dude was trying to do his lines through a mask and apparently you can barely hear what he's saying, to the point where he would like give clues to the crowd, like all of you out there, and people would just be like what, even though you're supposed to like be like oh, no kind of thing.
Shaun:So that, yeah, at one point too, he even mumbles something that sounds like make you scream while he gestures at the crowd. But apparently you're the only one that heard that, because you tried to like scream. You're like ah, oh, and nobody else does, and everybody stares at you and you're just like, oh, well, I thought he said scream, eh-eh. But anyways, as you struggle to hear him and what he says, out of nowhere, ray shows up to save everybody. And here's that moment. Nate, do you remember where we talked about that fancy new lightsaber? You get to say the debut of the realistic lightsaber. Well, here stands Rey, proudly. She pulls out that lightsaber and then stands there very still as it very slowly extends out to full length, and then she very carefully sets down this sword and picks up what's obviously a prop combat sword, and that was the lightsaber debut you waited for.
Nate:So it very slowly turned on. Then she switches to something else.
Shaun:Yes, because apparently, if you look up the patent, this functioning lightsaber is actually a very delicate piece of work. So think of like a clear tape measure that has LED lights on it and that basically just slowly extends straight out. So there's like no support or nothing. It's basically just like a very thin wire with lights on it coming up so it can like spool in the handle. So it's only functioning in the sense that it will looks like it comes out of the handle. It is not usable for anything else Like apparently, even if you like swing it too hard, it'll break from air resistance.
Nate:Air resistance.
Shaun:Yeah, I'll send you the patent for it too. It's yeah, it's literally basically just think an LED rope light extending out of a handle, like if you tried to swing it it would have snapped, which is why she had to, like, set it down before the sword fight started and pulled out like an actual, real prop sword.
Nate:I'll send you footage try to pretend like it was the same thing, or they just like kind of.
Shaun:Yeah, she sort of did this thing where she sort of like squatted down a little bit like to do a battle pose and then picked up the other one, but it didn't translate very well. Yeah, they tried to hide it, but they didn't really do a very good job. There was one cool special effect, though, where somebody in the crowd actually pulls out a holocron and they actually did a pretty good special effect where Rey uses like the force to pull it out of their hand and up to the balcony. Where Rey uses like the Force to pull it out of their hand and up to the balcony, which is just like a magician's sleight of hand with like collapsible stuff and, you know, getting people to look the wrong way at the right time. But that was kind of neat. And they also have like a little conveyor belt up there. So when Rey was standing on it, kylo Ren got a Force choker and like pulled her towards him, and that was kind of neat because she got standstill and be like.
Shaun:The battle goes on and on and on. The characters get their little spots you know all the little like characters that you've been encountering on the ship get their like little moment where they show up and like help out Ray, and eventually Ray wins First, order is defeated and everyone is saved Yay. There's one kind of cool part too where, like in the middle of the battle, like force powers are being used and like the chandelier at the top of the room kind of like breaks and falls down like a foot. But I guess they didn't really like point out that was going to happen, so most people kind of missed it. And there's also one point where Sammy the smuggler he was dressed as a stormtrooper in a surprise twist and pulls out his hands like look, it's me all along.
Shaun:Anyways, fight's over, everybody gets their long speeches. And then, uh, people who did like a whole lot of quests and did really good in the storylines and like their app like actually worked properly. They actually got called out by names during the uh, this end be like joe jeffries. You sure helped me find that holocron earlier this day. Blah, blah, blah. But not you, nate. You got no call outs because, well, your app sucked and didn't like take track of anything for you. I mumbled in my breath.
Shaun:Bed Wake up on day three. This is checkout. Day Schedule is as follows 830 to 930. Breakfast 930 to 10. Get the hell out time.
Shaun:You eat your last meal at the hotel and think back to what was a very mediocre experience you had. Then you get home, nate, and learn that Disney lost your $200 droid you mailed through them. You call and complain. Disney tells you to get bent. The only time that they actually come back and refund your money is when you complain to your large Twitter fan base. Keep in mind this is Jenny Nicholson. As soon as you complained to your Twitter fan base and they got rid of it, disney immediately sends you a new droid and a gift package. Jenny Nicholson's like. That's really messed up Cause you know they're only doing it because I'm a influencer. If this is a normal person, you know they would just kept telling them to get bent, no matter what she was like. It actually kind of made me madder that they did this as opposed to just, you know, sticking to their guns. She's a good person that way.
Shaun:Then that's taken by the wandering photographers. Remember that? Did you spend like $69 for, or whatever it was, or yeah, I think that's what it was. Yeah, well, turns out there's no pics of you or your family online. In fact, there's barely any pics on there at all. You know that turned the hire the professional photographer guy for $400 an option. Turns out that was so popular enough that all the photographers were full up and Disney did not hire any extra photographers to compensate for the popularity, so there were no wandering photographers taking pictures the entire time. You wasted 69 bucks on that.
Shaun:You go around looking on the internet and other people saying the same exact thing with the pictures they're like there are no pictures of me up here online, none of them. I paid money for it and nothing. And Disney of course said Go get bent. Yep, you for nothing. And Disney of course is Go get bent. Yep, you go online to complain about your experience because, hey, it'd be kind of nice to get some support on this. Turns out, if you go online and complain about this, people will mock and insult you for it, nate, raging from. You're an idiot who did this all wrong to. You're a rich scumbag and deserve what you get on this. Nobody has any sympathy for anybody who had a bad experience on this hotel thing.
Nate:Yeah, fair enough. I mean, on one hand it's like that's bullshit, but on the other hand it's like yeah.
Shaun:Yeah, I know, on my end it'd be like man, that would suck if that happened to me. On the other hand, if I heard somebody complain about it I'd be like, yeah.
Nate:It's the driver slash pedestrian when I'm driving and there's a pedestrian in my way, give away. But when I'm walking I'm like I'm walking here, right?
Shaun:So that concludes your trip to the Star Wars Hotel. Nathan, how did that feel for $15,000, aka $10 per minute?
Nate:I am pseudo-enraged, but it didn't actually happen, so I'm fine.
Shaun:But if this happened to you, you would have been enraged. I would be. And the worst thing about this too is it feels like they didn't even beta test anything of it. It felt like they just literally like hammered out the most hackneyed thing. They couldn't be like run with it. Nobody once was like, hey, should we test out this app to make sure it works right?
Shaun:They was, they're like oh, complain, whatever, we got their money, who cares? And thing too is uh, you weren't the only person had this horrible experience. You go online. A lot of people had miserable experiences along the same thing. Tiny hotel rooms, um, one person complained about, uh, they were a vegetarian and they had, like, no vegetarian options for one of the dinners and they asked if they could have a vegetarian meal and they literally just got a pile of steamed or steamed cauliflower that was their fancy like luxury dinner that they got.
Nate:That's.
Shaun:Yeah, so now you can see why it went out of business, thankfully, yeah.
Nate:Thank God, as it should have.
Shaun:As it should have. Yeah, but once again, disney doesn't care. They have their money. People will forget about this soon enough, except for the 10 million people that watched this video. Ginny did.
Nate:Did anything happen from that?
Shaun:Like anything happen from that, like did they yell, did they sue her? Or like, nope, nothing really happened, uh, far as I know, anyways. Uh, she got 10 million views on this four hour long video though, so that was kind of cool on her part that's good. I mean yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, she's actually a pretty popular youtube creator. You probably never heard of her, but she does a lot of like long form stuff. She does a lot of visiting, like, uh, theme parks and does reviews on them and stuff.
