Breaking the “I Have To” Cycle

“I can’t go to dinner with my friends, I have to get this paper finished” 😔

“I can’t go to the beach / snow / mountains this weekend, I have to get these experiments running” 😟

“I can’t play with the kids, I have to get this grant submitted” 😥

“I have to” is one of the most damaging phrases that most people say on a regular basis, and there’s an easy fix to snap yourself out of it.

In this new video, I unpack what’s really behind the phrase, the multiple ways it can be harmful, and outline a very easy, very simple way to break yourself out of the habit.

Does this get you out of all professional and work commitments? No!

Does this break the habit of “I have to” being the default go to phrase, instead helping you deliberately consider each and every situation before making a decision – yes!

🙏 Please reshare if of interest to you, your colleagues, friends and/or family!

Complete topic list and timestamps:

📌 (0:00) Introduction: The “I Have To” Cycle
📌 (0:15) How Often Do You Say “I Have To”?
📌 (0:40) “I Have To”: A Dangerous Phrase!
📌 (0:59) Unpacking the Statement: All About Consequences
📌 (1:18) Good and Bad Consequences, and Speaking Out of Habit
📌 (1:32) Example of the Full Thought Process
📌 (1:57) “I Have To” Misrepresents the Situation
📌 (2:09) It’s Not as Simple As It Sounds!
📌 (2:25) “I Have To” Can Become Self-Reinforcing
📌 (2:56) The Words We Use Are Vitally Important
📌 (3:13) An Absolute That Impairs Prioritisation and Communication
📌 (3:41) An All Too Easy Barrier to Put Up
📌 (4:07) Consequence Prediction is Challenging
📌 (4:29) “I Have To” Can Be Based on Faulty Estimates
📌 (4:41) Perfectionism is a Complicating Factor
📌 (4:49) Much “I Have To” Activity is Not Justified
📌 (5:03) The Fix is Easy!
📌 (5:12) Self-Monitoring for the Phrase
📌 (5:23) The Substitute Phrase
📌 (5:45) Say It Internally or Verbally
📌 (5:53) Sitting Back and Evaluating
📌 (6:15) Example Scenario
📌 (6:36) Example Substitute Phrase
📌 (7:02) It Often Sounds Different When You Rephrase
📌 (7:15) It’s About Conscious, Deliberate Evaluation
📌 (7:33) How Good is Your Consequence Prediction?
📌 (7:47) Disappointing People: Consider Both Sides
📌 (8:21) This Doesn’t Get You Out of Every Situation!
📌 (8:56) Simple Tricks Can Be Highly Effective
📌 (9:23) Easy to Try and Often Instantly Illuminating
📌 (9:36) A Healthy Move Both Professionally and Personally