Crying in My Jacuzzi with Dana Balicki

Unlocking the Mysteries of Existence with Bibliomancy

dana balicki Season 2 Episode 5

It's time for season 2's first field trip to the magical library, where we engage in the ancient wisdom of bibliomancy—using texts as tools for divination. join dana, CONNIE the quantum (book) worm, and THE LIBRARIAN as the library serves up another oracular text so we can explore our relationship to cycles of life and death, beauty and tragedy, heartbreak and hope, grief and existence and non-being.

Set an intention and make space for the divine to deliver a message and meaning just for you. 

~show notes~ 

  • etel adnan, the spring flowers own & the manifestations of the voyage
  • enter to win a free coaching session ~ when you leave a 5-star rating (only) and a written review, you'll be entered into a monthly drawing for a free 90-min coaching session with dana (value of $388). DM (@danablix instagram) or email a screenshot of your submission—take it right before you hit submit—along with the review name/title. winner announcements will be made across platforms!

/// sound-editing/design ~ rose blakelock, theme song ~ kat ottosen, cover art ~ natalee miller ///

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Speaker 1:

Crying in my jacuzzi. Oh hi, it's so good to be here with you again for another trip to the magical library to see what wisdom the books, the pages, the words have for us. Today. It's nice, though, to sit here in the sun, outside the library, just for a moment, take a nice deep breath, remembering how easy it is to access magic, to connect with the divine. And maybe, just here, before we get up and go inside you take a moment. Maybe there's a question in your heart. It doesn't have to be too articulated, don't worry about that. Maybe there's something that you want the books to answer. It's also fine to just go in to receive whatever message may guide us towards our highest and best, personally, collectively. Either way, it's just right. Oh God, it just smells so good in here, that just sort of sour, earthy, sweet smell of parchment and the faintest hint of mildew. Oh God, I love it. Ah yeah, oh, I can just feel the tingling. Hello again, welcome to the library. Oh hi, oh, my gosh, it's the librarian. Hi, hello, thank you for having us again. We're just here to do our. You know, usual bibliomancy, using the books as divination tools. Yes, my dear, I do know what bibliomancy is. That is why we're here. No off you go that way.

Speaker 1:

The library told me to tell you all to head down that line. Oh, wonderful, thank you, I didn't know that. The library, of course, has agency. Excuse me, librarian, can you have a good reading? Okay, maybe I'll just ask questions another time. I'm sure there's like an info desk here or something somewhere. Okay, this way we're heading down this aisle Because apparently the library wants us to go this way.

Speaker 1:

Okay, looking so many books, looking at so many books, I think you're supposed to read this one right here. Oh, oh, my gosh, it's you, the Quantum Worm. I was so hoping to run into you again. What are you doing here? Well, I know it might be a little on the nose, but I love a good book. I guess you could call me a bookworm. Yes, I get it. That makes a lot of sense. Oh, and you weren't kidding. You really have a book for us. Okay, normally they sort of just jump out at me. Last time it like hit me in the neck in this really awkward way. So this is great.

Speaker 1:

I absolutely will receive a book from the manifestations of the voyage, page 45, almost right in the middle of the book, under a combination of pain, a machine gun fire, flowers disappeared. They are in the same state of non-being as Emily Dickinson. We, the dead, have conversations in our gardens about our lack of existence. A gardener is planting blue and white flowers. Some angel moved in with me to flee the cold. Temperatures on earth are rising, but we wear upon us some immovable frost. Everyone carries his dying as a growing shadow.

Speaker 1:

I left the morning paper by the coffee cup. The heat was 85, like the year, and I went to the window to find that flowers had bloomed overnight to replace the bodies felled in the war. The enemy had come with fire and ruse to stamp the names of the dead in the gardens of Yomor. It is not because spring is too beautiful that we'll not write what happens in the dark. A butterfly came to die between two stones At the foot of the mountain. The mountain shed shadows over it to cover the secret of death. The mountain shed shadows over it to cover the secret of death. It's actually the end of the spring.

Speaker 1:

Flowers' own the last few stanzas being in the state of non-being, the dead having conversations about their lack of existence. Oh yeah, they talk about it all the time. They're real. Whoa, for real. I love that. But the state of non-being and the shift of time from the frost to when we plant the flowers, that moment of transition when just the right temperature, just the right environmental circumstances occur to move things maybe from a state of non-being into being, or you know how I feel about that, we're always in some state of being. But the things that bloom in our consciousness, whether it's in our minds, whether it's in the media, we're consuming what shows up in our scrolling, what arises to replace the body is felled in war and, in a way, how so much conspires to cover up what happens in the dark, to cover the secret of death, and how welcome that can feel when it all feels like so much, too much.

Speaker 1:

And this part, it is not because spring is too beautiful that we'll not write what happens in the dark.

Speaker 1:

There's something here about holding both, both and. Can we hold? Can we learn to hold the beauty of the spring and not let it overwrite the death and the darkness and the shadow, the names of the dead? Can we allow them to exist together? I think this is a capacity that we are continuing to learn and can just keep getting better at. We don't have to trade one for the other, and there's something about acknowledging the natural cycles of life and death.

Speaker 1:

So also how to honor these natural cycles of life and death, while also not becoming ambivalent about these cycles, especially when there is violence, when there is war, to not bypass or to tell a lie, to tell untrue stories, that the death that we see around us in places we'll never visit, of people we'll never meet, that it's just passing, that it's just a thing that happens, that it's just a cycle, I think, to ask questions about the flowers that may be planted in their place, if those flowers are being used to cover something up. It's our job to ask questions, to stay curious, to be courageous. From a collective perspective, a global perspective, we can look at this guidance, this divination, as a reminder to pay attention to the cycles, to new cycles, to maybe the people we look to, people we follow, maybe even our own community, our own friends, our own family really could be any of the ways that we are influenced by our relationships, by our relationships, personal and extra personal. To be curious, to examine, to be critical, to bring our critical thinking and our critical feeling, our resonance, our attention, our precious generous attention to what may be trying to get smoothed over, trying to just move on from or not deal with discomfort, difficult realities, pain or violence. We don't have to turn towards it every single second of the day. I mean, some people don't have any real choice about that, given where they live or where they're trying to live. And, on a personal note, are there things about your life, maybe, that are in the shadow or that feel difficult or uncomfortable, that are asking to be seen right now, that are asking for attention? Are you trying to just plant flowers over them? Attention? Are you trying to just plant flowers over them? Just paste a happy sticker or put something beautiful and pleasant over it so you don't have to look? We all do this sometimes. There's nothing wrong with it. There's no judgment here. There's no judgment from this guidance, from this divination. This is just an invitation for you to look, to notice, to notice what you have perhaps not wanted to look at, the names you've not wanted to read, and to turn towards it, to turn towards yourself, the part of you desiring to give it some space, to give it some time, to give it some compassionate attention. Thank you, etel Adnan, lebanese-american poet and essayist and artist. She passed in 2021. Artist. She passed in 2021.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much to this beautiful library for always delivering what we need, what we need to hear and feel when we need to hear it and feel it. Thank you to the librarian for letting us come in and bibliomance. And thank you. Quantum worm. Bookworm, quantum bookworm, is that what I should call you, or do you have another name? Feel free to call me Connie Connie. Connie, the quantum worm, exactly.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for being right in this exact moment, in this exact place, to hand us this copy of Atel Adnan's work so that we could divine together Cool beans. I mean, let's do it again sometime. Absolutely. I'm a huge Ed Till Adnan fan. I will see you here next time. Same worm time, same worm channel. Yeah, same worm time, same worm channel. Bye guys. Same worm time, same worm channel. Bye guys. If you enjoyed what we did here today, go over to wherever it is that you are listening to this podcast and give us a rating as many stars Five as your heart desires. Five stars though Theme music and other musical bits by the very talented Kat Otteson. Sound design and editing by the effervescent Rose Blakelock. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I look forward to playing with you more in my jacuzzi. That sounded dirtier than I meant it, but you know what I mean.