Navigating the Year-end Paradox with Self-warmth & Curiosity

This is a special solstice, holiday slowdown medicine, between-season, late-stage-capitalism-sucking-your-life-juice-dry, you-might-need-support episode full of practical guidance and self-warmth tips! 

Baba Ram Dass said, “If you think you are enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.” Whatever you may or may not be celebrating, this episode explores the importance of acceptance, a few quick energetic/emotional/nervous system grounding & resilience techniques, and the power of warm curiosity to foster understanding and connection with yourself and those in your world.

~ resources mentioned ~

• Free grounding meditation ~ https://bit.ly/grounding-now
• Bespoke Meditation, a 1:1 coaching session + a personalized guided meditation ~ book yours now, https://bit.ly/bespoke-meditation
• Enter to win a free coaching session ~ when you leave a 5-star rating (only) and a written review, you'll be entered into a monthly drawing for a free 90-min coaching session with dana (value of $388). Email dana@danabalicki.com the review title + your review name. Winner announcements will be made across platforms mid-month.

/// sound-editing/design ~ rose blakelock, theme song ~ kat ottosen, podcast art ~ natalee miller///

Chapters

• 0:02 Navigating Holiday Overwhelm With Compassion
• 7:11 Practicing Mindfulness and Compassion Amid Overwhelm
• 20:51 Rating and Gratitude in Podcasting

Transcript

Dana Balicki: 0:02

Crying in my jacuzzi, crying in my jacuzzi. Crying in my jacuzzi, crying in my jacuzzi. Welcome, welcome, welcome back. Oh, I've missed you. It's me, dana Bullocki, your reverently irreverent host over here at Cry Baby HQ, and we're cooking up season three.

Dana Balicki: 0:51

Yes, hold on to your panties, because it's gonna be so good. We're gonna be diving into how to be our best rebel selves Nourished, supported, connected, alive, warm, accompanying, desirous, weird and full of delight and depth. We're going to be balancing that essential inner work with the outer work and embracing those beloved disruptions that keep us and encourage us to be awake and alive and sensuous. Oh, and there will be wait for it interviews with some of the coolest beings that I know. I can't wait, but in the meantime, I wanted to pop in with some support for you in these wild times, in this broken-hearted landscape and timeline we are all sharing together. Whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate, it's so full of outward focus, busyness, social pressures. So full of outward focus, busyness, social pressures, late-stage capitalism, buying everyone trying to get a little piece of the pie because they're trying to make it, except for billionaires. We should definitely abolish them. Greed is abolishing the future, but that, paired against the winter itself, l'hiver, the time of the year calling us inward, to slow down, to reflect, to be still, to subtract, to reduce, to let the leaves and then the bark fall all the way off.

Dana Balicki: 2:40

April, luggate, summer, solstice, druid Festival A buffet of conflicting energies, right Like going and grabbing, like sushi, mmm, some tacos, oh, limbaclava, and separately, great, interesting Together, a little chaotic, not so much so in the Sushi, tac, taco, baklava mix of life that we are in and the it really is. We embrace the paradox of being alive at this moment. Let me share some guidance with you for this end of the year, portal things that I have taught over time over the past 13 plus years that I use all the time in my own life and relationships, and hopefully something resonates or settles in you and supports you in navigating this season with a bit more softness, more warmth warmth towards yourself, maybe warmth for others, and really cultivating that slow down medicine inside of yourself that we could all really use right now. Okay, so a couple of years ago I was listening to Glenn and Doyle's podcast we can do hard things and there was a holiday episode and the.

Dana Balicki: 3:59

The one of the main takeaways was be unsurprised, just be unsurprised, when Aunt Mary shows up, as Aunt Mary always does, maybe even be unsurprised when you show up, as you always do. And so a little be unsurprised practice. You can take a moment now, or even after this episode, to make a little be on surprise list. Jot down a few scenarios or people that you're likely to encounter this season and just think about perhaps something that you may be like kind of pushing. Anyway, like I don't want to think about that, I really hope it doesn't happen. So turn towards the thing, write it down. What's the thing that happens, what's even the thing that you're like I really don't want that to happen. Okay, as you're writing this down, see, because it's on this be unsurprised list, see how it feels to give it just a little lightness, a little be unsurprised energy. Let it be there, put your hand on your heart, breathe it in. I'm like, ah right, they're doing that thing again. Oh, that thing I remember. Yeah, they're doing that thing again. Oh, that thing I remember. Yeah, and this isn't about bypassing how things affect you, but there's some space creating here for acceptance. Right, the buddhists say that suffering comes from wanting reality to be different than it is. So when we accept what is, we can create some space for some acceptance, for deeper understanding, and with that understanding, hey, we can bring in some compassion, both to others and to ourselves.

Dana Balicki: 5:52

But this next part is a little more about tending to yourself in the overwhelm. So when you're feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed, resistant, you know how it feels inside of you that like sticky, icky, pokey feeling. Sometimes it's small, small, sometimes it's big. This is an invitation to slow it down. Come back to yourself and remember that when we're overwhelmed, our ability to be in a healthy no really diminishes, right? So if you're already in spaces where maybe boundaries are necessary and they're feeling really hard, or there are things that you're being invited to do that you don't want to do, if you're overwhelmed and that even means in your calendar, right, too many things going on it will be harder for you to be in any healthy no. You'll either have to like snap, you know, might be a little sharper no, or it might be a no that's trying to make someone else treat you differently, which isn't really that like from a healthy boundary place, or you might ghost F*** me, it's a ghost. I have a whole theory about ghosting and healthy no's and overwhelm.

Dana Balicki: 7:11

Anyway, a couple of things here that can help you in your overwhelm. So one a little vagal vagus nerve ventral, vagal hug. So first part, you can just wrap one hand around the back of your neck and you can just breathe, just like that right. That right there is putting a little pressure and energy into um, towards the top of your vagus nerve right, and this is like all connected to your whole nervous system. And the other arm you can wrap around your chest. It's really like telling your your nervous system like I'm here for you, we're okay.

Dana Balicki: 7:53

Another piece that we love is grounding. So different ways you can do it. You know I love a grounding meditation. I'll put a link to one down in the show notes which can just be a breathing, feeling your feet on the ground and then, if you want to like dropping, visualizing or even just feeling if you're not a visualizer sort of your breath going down into the earth or visualizing sort of roots down. So if you check out the meditation it'll give a little bit more guidance, a few breaths. You can also do the very helpful grounding practice where you first kind of scan your eyes along the horizon, you can gently turn your head, make it nice and slow. That's a nice signal to let your nervous system know that you're safe Drinking some water. Helpful, you can do the practice of naming some things in the room around you, like purple glass, black laptop picture of Pee Wee Herman on my altar. That's true, this can help bring you back to the present moment.

Dana Balicki: 9:08

Another part, number three here name your emotions. This is a wonderful little emotional tracking naming mechanism that connects you with your prefrontal cortex. So when you say your emotions out loud, like I'm feeling anxious, overwhelmed, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling disappointed, any big feeling, small feeling, just name them out loud. You don't have to shout it, but that right there creates a sweet little loop that will actually let the emotion sort of move along their circuits. Right, it's a nice practice of care and accompanying your emotions and sort of stepping out of judgment. Right, like oh my God, I've got the story about it and I'm having this feeling. Just like I'm having this feeling, you can also work to name and feel into sensations in your body, if that feels okay for you.

Dana Balicki: 10:26

I want to touch in here on some warm curiosity. Right, this is what helps break old patterns. The holidays can bring up old stories, old experiences, unconscious contracts that we carry in the deepest part of ourselves that we carry in relationship with other people in our lives, and all those little tender buttons, emotional buttons, can get pushed and pushed, and pushed. And so the invitation here is that when your buttons get pushed and they will see how it feels to pause and notice you can even write these questions down in your little journal or your phone or whatever, and come back to them even just at the end of the day as a reflection, or maybe a couple times throughout the day in more busy active experiences or times. Right, maybe just build in a little check-in time for yourself. I have found that to be very helpful over the years, giving myself permission to take time outs, times out, time outs. You know what I mean Slow down.

Dana Balicki: 11:40

So one question when a button gets pushed, when a thing maybe from that list earlier, from the being surprised list something happens there, you're going to have a feeling in your body. What does it feel like in your body? And when you get really in tune with this, this is great because this will be a signal for you. When it happens later, you're like oh, that feeling that right there, oh, that's because my button was pushed. Ooh, okay, possibly about to be off to the races on a whole big old story and an old, big old pattern coming up or whatever, about to just drop into the unconscious experience, unconscious contract, and instead we can bring just a little bit of consciousness to it. This is a key to breaking an old pattern, to disrupting it. You know how I feel about a disruption.

Dana Balicki: 12:29

So what does it feel like in your body? And then what emotions show? Maybe there's words, maybe there's little songs, I don't know like what shows up inside of you, what's the story you're starting to tell? Right? That's the third part. What stories are you telling yourself? Right? So we've got what does it feel like in your body, what emotions show up, and inside of that we can also look at how do you respond, right, and that's in that. What does it feel like in your body, what emotions are showing up? You're sort of noticing like, ooh, how do I respond? What am I doing when that whole thing happens? Right? And then what stories are you telling yourself about yourself?

Dana Balicki: 13:11

So, without needing to fix anything, turning towards that tender part of yourself with warmth this is the important part, warmth, self-warmth and warm curiosity, and, as you can, towards yourself, saying something like of course I'm feeling this. This makes all the sense in the world. It's okay to feel this right now. Or even if you don't feel like it's quite you know you can't get quite to the it's okay. You can just be like I am feeling this right now. Of course I'm feeling this right now and you can expand into the like it's okay that I'm feeling this right now. It's appropriate that I'm feeling this right now. A boundary was crossed, anchors, the appropriate emotion for a boundary crossing. Great, everything's working as it should.

Dana Balicki: 14:02

Or if you have a loved one who can hold that space with you and just reflect, not get all thinky-thinky about it, not get into the story about it, just a gentle, leaning on each other, without fixing, without rushing, without pathologizing, without going into the old unconscious stories, just warmth, empathy. I see you, that makes sense, I'm right here with you. That can be a lovely agreement to have with a loved one. You can get into all the story stuff later, but in the moment, warmth, oh yeah, that's nice. So I want to just give a note here on acceptance and understanding and compassion.

Dana Balicki: 14:56

Acceptance doesn't mean condoning bad behavior or bypassing our feelings. It's really about allowing space for reality as it is right what I was saying earlier about suffering, the root of suffering being wanting reality to be different than it is. And so acceptance, just knowing that, like, okay, this is what is be unsurprised. Aunt Mary is Aunt Mary-ing over there real hard. You're a creature of pure chaos and maybe we know a little bit about Aunt Mary, or maybe we know a little bit about her generation or her family or the community she grew up in or the lineage she's part of or the culture she was raised inside of, and we're like, oh, yeah, I get it. I get why Aunt Mary is Aunt Mary-ing the way she Aunt Marys. Because, wow, yeah, okay, got it.

Dana Balicki: 15:50

I see that, I can see the threads there and that can lead to a deeper understanding that people and ourselves are shaped by so many layers, by so many layers, by so many things experiences of our own lives and generations handed down to us and through us. So that acceptance and that understanding can really lead to a place of compassion where it becomes easier to navigate these moments with agency and presence. Just go on to happier things. Okay, agency and presence. All matter has agency. We are all agential beings. We have choice. We got free will. We have choice. We got free will.

Dana Balicki: 16:46

It can be really helpful to be in any of these practices that I named that allow for more understanding, because then we can recognize when we're just operating in old unconscious patterns. We might not be able to get Aunt Mary out of that unconscious pattern. Maybe that's not even your job. Maybe your job is to have a little acceptance, understanding and compassion and then a little self-warmth for yourself, lube it all up and then see what happens. Then see what's possible If we're in the present moment and we're awake and aware and alive moment and we're awake and aware and alive. So much more possibility for for agency, for real connection, for relating, for full moon werewolf transformation, for being in relationship in a conscious adult relationship rich with aliveness. Okay, so a little practice.

Dana Balicki: 17:59

To come on back, feel your feet on the ground. Even if you're on the 18th floor, the earth is right here to meet you, rising up, to meet you, holding you. Take a nice deep breath in and out might wander off as you're breathing. See how it feels. To bring a little warm attention to the thoughts as they go like oh, look at that, I'm thinking about all the things I have to do. That's okay, I'm just going to let that go and then come on back to my breath here. It's nice to be here with my breath. I'll get to all those other things Coming back. All right, a little warm attention, not judgment. Being human is messy, full of paradox. There's grief and joy, and hopelessness and hope, but the good news is that we belong to each other and hope. The good news is that we belong to each other and so it's good that we're here together.

Dana Balicki: 19:13

And if you need, want, desire some extra support, I have a special offering right now called Bespoke Meditations. It's a mix of a one-on-one time together, some coaching, practical guidance, some intuitive guidance, and then I take the information from the session plus a little questionnaire that you fill out and I make a beautiful custom guided meditation just for you to meet you right now, at this moment in your life, whether it's to get you through this portal at the end of the year, your life. Whether it's to get you through this portal at the end of the year or there's something you're really calling in next year and want some visualization, support or just some encouragement, or you want to just come to a neutral place, or you just want to feel the feeling of being guided and held. All of that is available, so you'll find the link in the show notes below to check it out, and you can see from other folks who have been participating and how it's been working for them. I'd love to support you in this way. So until next time, until next season, I am sending you so much love, courage and care. You can't get this wrong. We're in it together. Love you.

Dana Balicki: 20:51

If you enjoyed what we did here today, go over to wherever it is that you are listening to this podcast and give us a rating. As many stars Five as your heart desires. As many stars Five as your heart desires. Five stars though. Theme music and other musical bits by the very talented Kat Otteson, sound design and editing by the effervescent Rose Blakelock. Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I look forward to playing with you more in my jacuzzi. That sounded dirtier than I meant it, but you know what I mean.