Living Catholic with Father Don Wolf
Father Don Wolf, a priest of the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City, offers a Catholic perspective on the issues confronting each person today.
Living Catholic with Father Don Wolf
Love by Choice: What God's "Fatherhood" Teaches Us | June 15, 2025
In this episode, Father Wolf examines fatherhood from both theological and cultural perspectives.
The title "Father" for God has become controversial in contemporary religious discourse. Yet when Jesus exclusively addressed God as Father, he wasn't attributing maleness to the divine but invoking a specific understanding of love that illuminates our relationship with God. The distinction between maternal and paternal love reveals something profound: a mother's connection to her child is visible, physical, and undeniable, while a father's love fundamentally involves choice and faith. Before modern DNA testing, no man could prove his paternity beyond doubt. When a father claims a child as his own, he makes an existential choice—a deliberate act of commitment that mirrors God's chosen love for humanity.
Our society increasingly treats commitments as disposable rather than binding. Previous generations understood that when a man said "I do," he shouldered lifelong responsibilities regardless of personal fulfillment. As Father Richard Rohr discovered in conversation with his father, earlier generations didn't question whether they liked their work; they simply performed their duty to provide for those they loved. In this context, true "godly leadership" isn't about dominance but self-sacrifice—saying yes as God does, with forbearance and determination despite obstacles.
Faithfulness remains largely invisible until absent, like oxygen we only notice when it's gone. This Father's Day, we celebrate those men who silently carry their families through life's confusions and anxieties, often without recognition. Their willingness to sustain loved ones at personal cost reflects divine fatherhood—a living testimony to God's enduring presence in our lives and the true meaning of paternal love. Join us as we explore this profound spiritual dimension that remains at the heart of our faith.
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Father Don Wolf is a priest of the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City. Living Catholic also broadcasts on Oklahoma Catholic Radio several times per week, with new episodes airing every Sunday.
This is Living Catholic with Father Don Wolfe. This show deals with living the Catholic faith in our time, discovering God's presence in our lives and finding hope in His Word. And now your host, father Don Wolfe.
Speaker 2:Welcome Oklahoma to Living Catholic. I'm Father Don Wolfe, pastor of Sacred Heart Parish and rector of the Shrine of Blessed Stanley Rother in Oklahoma City. We've come on Father's Day and, as it comes around, it's important to spend a bit of time reflecting on this celebration and its place in our imagination. We spend a lot of time thinking about fatherhood and where it fits in the concourse of our lives. What we make of it is going to be an indication of what we make of ourselves. What we make of it is going to be an indication of what we make of ourselves, and it's no great insight to notice that no one makes the same of Father's Day as they do of Mother's Day. Why this is is a mark of the place of fathers in our society, and I'll get into that in a moment. But suffice it to say that the balance of interaction in our society when it comes to the recognition of fatherhood and its place in our lives, compared to motherhood and its place, is one that deserves some reflection. I'm not proposing that things are not the way they should be, but I think we should first of all notice how things are. Fathers aren't the same as mothers. That might sound blindingly obvious, but it has to be mentioned. First of all, we should remind ourselves a bit about fatherhood from the scriptures.
Speaker 2:This has been a bit of a taboo topic for Bible scholars and commentators over the last couple of generations. Ever since the deep dive into focusing on the voices missing from the Bible, society's attention has been focused on those who have not been the object of concern, and the first of these are often women, and the first example most often pointed to has been the notion of God as Father. It's become axiomatic that such terms have been almost banned in certain places and among certain groups of people, and since we Catholics are very much invested in such a title, we ought to know what we're doing. God is seldom addressed as Father in the Old Testament. Clearly, the metaphorical descriptions of God often presume characteristics of a male presence, especially when God is described as a warrior and a sustainer. Those functions are stereotypically male. If you could go back in time and ask those who worshipped by reciting the Psalms of David when they were newly written, or those who were being led across the desert by Moses, whether God was best imaged as a father, If you ask them, my guess is that you'd likely get them to affirm that image, but we also have to know that the author of the book of Genesis had the chance to describe God as a father and he didn't do it. To know that the author of the book of Genesis had the chance to describe God as a father and he didn't do it.
Speaker 2:In fact, the description of the creation of the man and the woman that comes to us on the first pages of the Bible has an intriguing image of humanity In the creation. God creates humanity in the divine image and thus creates them as male and female. The divine image of God inscribed in the human race is male and female. Of course, in the language it says that God created quote man unquote in the divine image. In the divine image, God created him Male and female. He created them All that back and forth, because the collective noun for human is man. And that's a lot less nefarious when we understood that it's used for, say, a man-eating tiger and the sons of men in the obvious usage that indicates the structure of human life. We're all pretty sure tigers will eat a woman, just as certainly they will eat a man, and that there are no sons or daughters without the congress between a man and a woman. God creates man as male and female. Humanity is the image of God, not a man, which, of course, is a rather startling thing to point out to those who've always thought of God as the old man who lives in the sky and reached down to create the first living things from the dust of the earth.
Speaker 2:The gift of those who called our attention to the Bible and its imagery, especially those who were concerned that women were being written out of history. Their concern is that we do a better job of reading and thinking when we read what's actually there, which is that God is not described as a father, especially in creation. The second thing to notice is that when the man and the woman are created, they're given the work of populating the earth. Go forth and multiply is the first of all commandments given to the human race. In fact, it is directly after the commandment about creation, and we can't help but notice that, after God has created, he turns the creation of human beings over to the ones already created in God's image, that is to say, being able to make more rational thinking.
Speaker 2:Naming, conscious, deciding people is something divine. The first man and the first woman share this attribute from God. They are tinged with divinity because of it. Even in the Bronze Age, when this book was written, it was pretty obvious that without man and woman together, there are no babies that are going to be born. What happens when a man and woman are men and women together is what brings about the creation of a new human life, and each has a part and place in that process, which is another way to say that God as Father is not favored over God as Mother in this description, In fact. However, we want to grasp hold of our image for God as the big old man who lives in the sky. If we want to do that, we're not going to find it laid out very well in those descriptions.
Speaker 2:God also accompanies and protects those who are created. There is a nurturing aspect to the divine that could easily be cast as a feminine attribute. Again, there is zero evidence that God is depicted as the great mother who founds her children in the great womb of the earth so that they thrive amidst the warm embrace of her bosom. But we should acknowledge there aren't any clear descriptions of God, the stern, bearded, muscle man that we might have inherited from our childhood Until, that is, we get to the New Testament. In the New Testament, the only title Jesus used for God is Father. I've dealt with this title in other places, but I'll do it again so that we're clear about what this means for our celebration today. After all, it's not unimportant that the Son of God uses this means to describe God and then the work of the divine, and it is very much contrary to the contemporary allergy to this image. It's one of compassion and goodness that's not much celebrated, even when it's recognized in the tender consciences of today.
Speaker 2:Andrea Dworkin once wrote that if God is a man, then all men think they're gods, and when contesting this claim, the author Annie Lamott commented that Andrea has a poetry deficit, which is a very nice way to say that Ms Dworkin had missed the point entirely, not to mention that she had fumbled the theology most clumsily. Her maladroitness has entered the vocabulary of contemporary thought, all of which contributes to lots of silliness, as the allergy to fathers and maleness causes everyone in society to sneeze whenever this holiday is mentioned. But the remedy to misunderstanding is as close as our last name, Because when we call God Father, we're invoking a specific understanding. That's important. It's not because Jesus thought only of God as a man with a long beard or because God is directing the world as a man would. It's a title with intent and an intricate pedigree In the history of the world.
Speaker 2:Everyone has known a father's love is different than a mother's love. It is only necessary to distinguish the most fundamental physical characteristics of men and women to understand that basic insight. And the most basic is that a child is the product of his mother, Without doubt. When this child is born, there is no question and no obfuscation. The child was conceived in, carried by and born from the woman. That is the child's mother. From the moment of her pregnancy and from the moment that it is noticeable in her. Everyone knew she would deliver a child. And when that child is born, it is the indubitable product of her body. The only way a child could be born was because of a literal physical connection between mother and child, incapable of being faked, tricked or obfuscated. And more than this, the mother's connection to her child is natural. She embraces, nurtures, nurses, cares for and sustains her child. A child that thrives is because of the attention and connection between it and its mother, is because of the attention and connection between it and its mother. This is why the world presumes the mother's love for her child is natural and axiomatic. True, not every mother loves the child she's delivered. In fact, there may be mothers who are terrible at fulfilling their responsibilities and faulty in sustaining those connections to the child. But as a mother does love her child, the mother loves it because the child is hers. But a father's love is different.
Speaker 2:Before the advent of DNA tests, which were developed what 15 minutes ago, there was no way to prove beyond doubt whether any particular man was actually a particular child's father. No one could prove his paternity in any complete way, beyond question or doubt. This was one reason that virtually every culture everywhere developed sophisticated protocols to make sure a woman had restricted contact with other men. These customs and practices were in place to restrict opportunities to muddy the waters about who may have founded that child. These were put in place not just to control women. They were also to strengthen the bonding and support for the man who was to head the family. Since a man could never know for sure if the child he was raising was his own. These protocols made so as to guarantee his acceptance of the child he was raising was his own. These protocols made so as to guarantee his acceptance of the child, Every effort was made to avoid any credible accusation that it might not be so.
Speaker 2:When it came time to hold this child in his hands, though, the father had to make a leap of faith and expressed personal acceptance of the child. So when he says this is my child, it was his initiative, his claim on the child, he makes the statement as an expression of his willingness to invest himself and his support in this child. It's a bold, existential claim, made in faith and as the result of a free choice, Although he could never know beyond the possibility of doubt. He takes the child in his arms and he says I claim this child, this is my own, I choose. The point is that God's love for us is the love of a father for his children. Contrasted to the love of a mother for her children. A masculine love is one chosen, even beyond the possibility that things might have been different. To call God father is to affirm this type of chosen, intentional, deliberate willingness to be the sustainer and supporter. God loves like. A father loves his child, and it is a metaphor.
Speaker 2:Describing God as a father is not to make God into a man. It's to capitalize our understanding of manliness and fatherhood as a way to understand the depth and completeness of God's love for us. It's not to denigrate mothers. It's to lever the experience into our claim of how God's love is for us. The word Father, rather than adorning God with male physiognomy, is to enlighten us with the understanding of God's profound desire to choose us and to make us inheritors of the divine promise. Actually, it's a beautiful and powerful insight and a touching window into understanding God.
Speaker 2:God, our Father, is a statement of the profundity of God's love and a vote in affirming the depth of God's chosen connection to us. And it's also a hint about the role of fathers. The premier aspect of fatherhood is the choice to sustain and support. Apart from all other parts of the role a man can take on as a father, it is his free choice, his intent to act, to fulfill his responsibilities that makes his fatherhood fruitful. This is the premier aspect of Father's Day that we value and celebrate. It's also why Father's Day is such a valuable time.
Speaker 2:In our day and age, we don't value choice as we once did. Any expression of it is often diminished and deprecated In previous generations. Once a man said I do. He was entrusted with the responsibility to support and defend his family. Everyone understood this sense of responsible behavior and it was laid on the shoulders of men without much preparation or deliberation. To be a man and to become a husband was to shoulder the work of care and support. Even when a man didn't much understand the breadth of his responsibility or comprehend the depth of his commitments, the society filled him with his expectations and surrounded him with the depth of his commitments. The society filled him with his expectations and surrounded him with the examples of men who lived up to these expectations. It was no guarantee of beauty or peace. Plenty of men found themselves unable to sustain the iron determination they were expected to show, and certainly not every father was able to protect as he wanted or as his family needed. In fact, the expectations could be crushing to the ones who shouldered them.
Speaker 2:Fr Richard Rohr once described a conversation he had with his father about the work that his father had. Fr Rohr was much in demand and found his own schedule full to the brim. He didn't have much time to waste and he found himself stressed more than he wanted. So when he was visiting his home, he described all of his stress to his father and he asked how do you stay so calm and certain in the middle of all you had to do? How were you able to enjoy all those years working at your factory? I like what you do, but I like what I do, but it wears on me. How did you do it? And his father laughed at him and he said a man doesn't ask whether he likes what he's doing. He gets up and he goes to work because this is the way he takes care of his family. That's what a man does. He cares for his family. He doesn't ask whether he's fulfilled or happy. He looks around. He finds out whether the people he loves are cared for. That's what a man does. That's a man's job. So he said stop complaining. It was a tough lesson for the priest to learn, but it was one he never forgot.
Speaker 2:But we live at a time in which choices are disparaged. Almost no one considers choices binding or responsibilities pressing. Both are considered dispensable, with no shame accruing to the one who doesn't abide by them. When choices no longer matter, the one making the choices don't matter much either. And this is the concern about fatherhood in our time, when the premier spiritual aspect of being a father is emptied of its content, then fatherhood begins not to matter. If no choice is binding, then there's nothing that binds the one making the choice, and when this happens, fatherhood evaporates.
Speaker 2:Oddly enough, we used to understand this much more comprehensively, that is, in previous ages. There was an understanding of masculinity that emphasized every commitment as an image of the major one. Any agreement or pledge was considered an obligation to be fulfilled no matter what. And to escape that commitment once the yes had been said was to create a weak spot, a creased area in life that might buckle under additional stress. So committing oneself to play football in the fifth grade was much more than agreeing to participate. It was a measure of manhood and a preparation for fatherhood. Or saying yes to a business deal was something more than entrepreneurship. It was a representation of God's yes present in our life here below. Each step toward obligation was to become a foot closer to fulfilling the promise inherent in being created in the divine image.
Speaker 2:But we have a much less robust understanding today. Mostly, our commitments are not much more than transactional good, only for the quid pro quo they describe, and fortunately they don't point us anywhere. There is a silver lining In a world in which choices are not honored, to make a choice and to continue to affirm it in the face of opposition and resistance is to make it even more valuable and important. Diamonds are more valuable than opals because they're more rare. Gold is preferred to bronze because it's harder to come by. Commitments honored are all the more honorable when they are fulfilled amid struggle and confusion. In the world in which there is heroism, heroes may not be recognized, but what they do matters all the more.
Speaker 2:This is why so much emphasis shifts toward the description of God as a father. It's not because he's like a man. It's so that a man can look to the gift of God to understand his role. Most often this is described as godly leadership, which is a good thing. But this leadership is often misunderstood to be the man who commands and directs no questions asked and no advice needed. Man who commands and directs no questions asked and no advice needed. Godly leadership is cast as the relationship between a commandant and his soldiers, a relationship between subordinates and superiors. But true godly leadership is that of responsibility and sustainment, of self-giving and self-sacrifice. Saying yes, the way God says it to the people of God, is to forbear, forgive and to forge ahead.
Speaker 2:In the Old Testament, the portrayal of God's leadership is often of God's anger and righteousness. God might seem cruel and harsh, quick to anger and quick to punish, and all those images are certainly present, and there have been no shortage of imitators in our families. But there's the other side of the fatherhood of God. Throughout the scriptures, God acts to make a new covenant with Israel, one in which their past failures are forgotten and a new way forward is offered. If anything, God doesn't hold a grudge, but instead finds a different way, a new way to sustain the people and accompany them into a new kind of life. God finds new ways to say yes and better ways to be present with those who follow.
Speaker 2:We may not, this may not be what we think of as a traditional father. However, if God is to be addressed and understood as father, then fatherhood can be shaped in this way. And, above all, God is faithful. The eternal father maintains the divine relationship and sustains the continual accompaniment as part of the divine commitment. Throughout the scriptures, the emphasis is clear. It's not because of the beauty and worthiness of Israel, but because of the initiative and the desire of God. God, the eternal Father, wants to be faithful. This is the attribute most directly divine Men don't talk all that much about this Father's Day is something sung in a minor key. Perhaps it should always be this way.
Speaker 2:Faithfulness as a virtue is usually invisible. It shows itself only when each moment it is practiced is completed, which almost always causes it to be hidden, even when it's present. Fathers are allowed to fade into the background in their fatherhood, since their support is supposed to be presumed and apparent, as is so often the case. When everything happens just as it's supposed to, nobody notices. Only when it's missing does anyone notice that it exists at all. But the nature of its invisibility is a feature of its importance. Oxygen is the great invisible gift without which we cannot exist. It's never an issue for anyone until we don't have enough of it. Then, for the first time, we notice it. So here's what sustains our society and roots our families. Here's to those men who take on the burden of life and carry on through the confusions and anxieties of the times, mostly without notice. And here's to the willingness of fathers to continue to love their families and to sustain them, even at the price of their own discretion and option, since the surrender of these things is what their sustainment is. The measure of the fatherhood of God was the divine willingness to be poured out for the salvation of all, so that all could have hope in being entrusted with it, that all could find themselves hopeful. So happy Father's Day Back in just a moment, Thank you. Welcome back to our final segment, Faith in Verse.
Speaker 2:We have a poem today called what Will the Doctor Say? What will the doctor say to my complaints and conditions? Can his wisdom truly allay my fear of hopeless perdition? I didn't know my real desperation when first I found myself sick. The best I could do was the enumeration of my various faults and ticks. Then the tests and examination, his hmms and ahs in succession resulted in my growing hesitation about this quavering progression, until I began to wonder out loud whether medicine was worth it at all.
Speaker 2:Perhaps my strength itself was endowed with potency supplemental, so I would not have to worry really at my pains and current disabilities. I could just let myself be and survive separate, alone and free. Until he broached the door and said good news, no worries, now things look great. Suddenly, all my pains merely amuse. His wisdom conspires only to make me late. That's what will the doctor say. All right, Our invitation always is to understand and to know that God walks with us. That's the great lesson that comes to us in all of the pages of the Scripture, from the first to the last that God is there, he is present, that God's presence is an attribute of how we are and our faithfulness is an image of God's faithfulness to us. So, on this Father's Day and on all the days, what we celebrate is integral to our lives, to the life of the church and to the sustainment of faith in us. So I hope that in the weeks to come we have the opportunity to continue to understand and explore what it means to be living this part of our Catholic life.
Speaker 1:Living Catholic is a production of the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City for Oklahoma Catholic Radio. To learn more visit okcrorg.