{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":0.066,"endTime":2.869,"body":"Hi, I'm Laura Kightlinger. Hi,"},{"startTime":0.066,"endTime":2.869,"body":"I'm Daniel. What?"},{"startTime":2.869,"endTime":5.105,"body":"Our show is called"},{"startTime":2.869,"endTime":5.105,"body":"What We Thought would Happen"},{"startTime":5.105,"endTime":7.54,"body":"because calling it"},{"startTime":5.105,"endTime":7.54,"body":"broken dreams is too depressing."},{"startTime":7.54,"endTime":10.51,"body":"Daniel and I are getting to know"},{"startTime":7.54,"endTime":10.51,"body":"each other as you're getting to know us."},{"startTime":10.51,"endTime":12.746,"body":"Do most people become friends"},{"startTime":10.51,"endTime":12.746,"body":"via podcasts?"},{"startTime":12.746,"endTime":15.849,"body":"Is that normal? I think so. Okay, I hear."},{"startTime":15.882,"endTime":20.086,"body":"Does anybody do anything"},{"startTime":15.882,"endTime":20.086,"body":"that isn't somehow monetized?"},{"startTime":20.22,"endTime":20.52,"body":"I think."},{"startTime":20.52,"endTime":20.887,"body":"Whatever."},{"startTime":20.887,"endTime":23.89,"body":"Exactly."},{"startTime":30.363,"endTime":33.9,"body":"The first friend you make"},{"startTime":30.363,"endTime":33.9,"body":"that isn't the family pet or your parents"},{"startTime":33.9,"endTime":37.237,"body":"friend's kid, because there's always"},{"startTime":33.9,"endTime":37.237,"body":"something wrong with that kid."},{"startTime":38.438,"endTime":40.04,"body":"It's always like a forced"},{"startTime":38.438,"endTime":40.04,"body":"friendship, right?"},{"startTime":40.04,"endTime":41.775,"body":"You're always,"},{"startTime":40.04,"endTime":41.775,"body":"like, thrown in with somebody."},{"startTime":41.775,"endTime":43.51,"body":"So there is a girl"},{"startTime":41.775,"endTime":43.51,"body":"across the street from us."},{"startTime":43.51,"endTime":44.644,"body":"There were two girls across, three"},{"startTime":44.644,"endTime":46.546,"body":"in separate houses"},{"startTime":44.644,"endTime":46.546,"body":"and one you wanted to play with"},{"startTime":46.546,"endTime":48.248,"body":"and the other one"},{"startTime":46.546,"endTime":48.248,"body":"you did not want to play with."},{"startTime":48.248,"endTime":49.749,"body":"And I always got stuck with her"},{"startTime":51.017,"endTime":53.086,"body":"because I guess"},{"startTime":51.017,"endTime":53.086,"body":"nobody really want to play with me either."},{"startTime":53.086,"endTime":55.488,"body":"But she would steal from you, right?"},{"startTime":55.488,"endTime":57.991,"body":"Take things from your house,"},{"startTime":55.488,"endTime":57.991,"body":"and then you'd go to her house"},{"startTime":57.991,"endTime":61.494,"body":"a couple days later and play"},{"startTime":57.991,"endTime":61.494,"body":"and there would be your shit at her house"},{"startTime":61.861,"endTime":64.931,"body":"and then she'd lie to you about it"},{"startTime":61.861,"endTime":64.931,"body":"like she was such a bad friend."},{"startTime":65.598,"endTime":68.068,"body":"Or she stole a Stegosaurus stamp. Right."},{"startTime":68.068,"endTime":69.803,"body":"How many of those"},{"startTime":68.068,"endTime":69.803,"body":"are rolling around the planet? Right."},{"startTime":69.803,"endTime":72.338,"body":"And I was like, I remember seeing."},{"startTime":69.803,"endTime":72.338,"body":"I was like, That's my stamp."},{"startTime":72.338,"endTime":74.774,"body":"And she just she lied both in my face."},{"startTime":74.774,"endTime":78.044,"body":"She was like, No, I bought that for you"},{"startTime":74.774,"endTime":78.044,"body":"because I thought you wanted to."},{"startTime":78.244,"endTime":79.045,"body":"What a bitch."},{"startTime":79.045,"endTime":81.081,"body":"Wow. That's pretty quick thinking."},{"startTime":81.081,"endTime":82.048,"body":"That's quick on her feet."},{"startTime":82.048,"endTime":84.818,"body":"Well, she. Yeah, she was."},{"startTime":82.048,"endTime":84.818,"body":"She was used to losing friends."},{"startTime":84.818,"endTime":87.787,"body":"Oh, I know. I bought that for you, but we."},{"startTime":87.787,"endTime":90.156,"body":"I guess she was really"},{"startTime":87.787,"endTime":90.156,"body":"the only person that would play with me."},{"startTime":90.156,"endTime":92.025,"body":"So I guess technically we were friends."},{"startTime":92.025,"endTime":93.993,"body":"She's a congresswoman now."},{"startTime":93.993,"endTime":96.596,"body":"Yeah, she is a rabid MAGA supporter."},{"startTime":96.596,"endTime":99.499,"body":"Anti-vax babies are racist."},{"startTime":99.499,"endTime":100.7,"body":"Yeah, she's a congresswoman."},{"startTime":100.7,"endTime":104.204,"body":"I remember my mom's friend's daughter."},{"startTime":104.204,"endTime":106.072,"body":"We were both about eight,"},{"startTime":106.072,"endTime":109.676,"body":"and she was on the spectrum for sure"},{"startTime":106.072,"endTime":109.676,"body":"before there was a spectrum."},{"startTime":109.676,"endTime":110.543,"body":"We we're both on it."},{"startTime":111.845,"endTime":112.879,"body":"And but she"},{"startTime":112.879,"endTime":115.882,"body":"was more obviously on the spectrum,"},{"startTime":112.879,"endTime":115.882,"body":"I think, than I was."},{"startTime":115.982,"endTime":118.685,"body":"She bit her fingernails down to the quick."},{"startTime":118.685,"endTime":119.652,"body":"That's scary."},{"startTime":119.652,"endTime":121.421,"body":"That's not a spectrum"},{"startTime":119.652,"endTime":121.421,"body":"that's serious, you know?"},{"startTime":121.421,"endTime":123.79,"body":"And it's like, what are you"},{"startTime":121.421,"endTime":123.79,"body":"what are you stressed out about?"},{"startTime":123.79,"endTime":126.259,"body":"At eight, you know,"},{"startTime":126.259,"endTime":130.163,"body":"and single moms who are broke"},{"startTime":126.259,"endTime":130.163,"body":"and they include us in their stress."},{"startTime":130.163,"endTime":131.965,"body":"What's there to be,"},{"startTime":130.163,"endTime":131.965,"body":"you know, worried about?"},{"startTime":131.965,"endTime":134.968,"body":"They would bite your nails down"},{"startTime":131.965,"endTime":134.968,"body":"till they bled."},{"startTime":135.168,"endTime":137.17,"body":"And so I didn't want to play with her"},{"startTime":137.17,"endTime":138.805,"body":"and I didn't want her"},{"startTime":137.17,"endTime":138.805,"body":"touching my stuffed animals"},{"startTime":138.805,"endTime":141.107,"body":"because I didn't want her to get blood"},{"startTime":138.805,"endTime":141.107,"body":"on my stuffed animal."},{"startTime":141.107,"endTime":143.877,"body":"And I think that's a legitimate concern."},{"startTime":143.877,"endTime":145.845,"body":"I mean, like as a child,"},{"startTime":143.877,"endTime":145.845,"body":"that's all you have in"},{"startTime":145.845,"endTime":147.747,"body":"your world"},{"startTime":145.845,"endTime":147.747,"body":"are your stuffed animal friends."},{"startTime":147.747,"endTime":149.849,"body":"And that was your mom's friend's daughter?"},{"startTime":149.849,"endTime":151.885,"body":"Yeah. And did you like her?"},{"startTime":151.885,"endTime":154.721,"body":"Not really,"},{"startTime":151.885,"endTime":154.721,"body":"because she she came in bloody."},{"startTime":155.889,"endTime":156.956,"body":"Would you all play?"},{"startTime":156.956,"endTime":157.991,"body":"Like, what would you do in."},{"startTime":157.991,"endTime":161.694,"body":"You were really like"},{"startTime":157.991,"endTime":161.694,"body":"when she stopped writing her nails."},{"startTime":161.694,"endTime":164.831,"body":"I think I would try and get us"},{"startTime":161.694,"endTime":164.831,"body":"to go to the playground or something."},{"startTime":164.831,"endTime":167.834,"body":"So we were outside on the swings or"},{"startTime":164.831,"endTime":167.834,"body":"something, isn't there?"},{"startTime":168.067,"endTime":171.304,"body":"Your parents can only do that"},{"startTime":168.067,"endTime":171.304,"body":"to till a certain age, right?"},{"startTime":171.304,"endTime":173.606,"body":"And then you become somewhat sovereign"},{"startTime":171.304,"endTime":173.606,"body":"that you like."},{"startTime":173.606,"endTime":177.377,"body":"Either both child realizes that you're"},{"startTime":173.606,"endTime":177.377,"body":"not compatible or that you just,"},{"startTime":177.41,"endTime":179.879,"body":"you know, hate each other"},{"startTime":177.41,"endTime":179.879,"body":"and a different things"},{"startTime":179.879,"endTime":181.247,"body":"and is like right around"},{"startTime":179.879,"endTime":181.247,"body":"like the first grade,"},{"startTime":181.247,"endTime":184.851,"body":"the first friend that I ever had"},{"startTime":181.247,"endTime":184.851,"body":"had was this girl, Cynthia."},{"startTime":185.285,"endTime":188.888,"body":"She sat behind me and would like,"},{"startTime":185.285,"endTime":188.888,"body":"always interrupt, just like, kind of rude"},{"startTime":188.888,"endTime":189.822,"body":"and abrasive to me."},{"startTime":189.822,"endTime":190.657,"body":"She tapped me on the shoulder"},{"startTime":190.657,"endTime":193.66,"body":"and so kind of annoying girl vibes"},{"startTime":190.657,"endTime":193.66,"body":"like Leave Me Alone stuff."},{"startTime":193.66,"endTime":195.228,"body":"And she taught me the word fart."},{"startTime":195.228,"endTime":197.363,"body":"Oh, she. Yeah, she would swing me around."},{"startTime":197.363,"endTime":198.231,"body":"She's like a tomboy, kind of."},{"startTime":198.231,"endTime":200.867,"body":"She's swimming around on the playground"},{"startTime":198.231,"endTime":200.867,"body":"and just let me go, right."},{"startTime":200.867,"endTime":204.771,"body":"And judo and like, I'd swing into, like,"},{"startTime":200.867,"endTime":204.771,"body":"the playground bars and things like that."},{"startTime":205.171,"endTime":207.34,"body":"She just laughing."},{"startTime":205.171,"endTime":207.34,"body":"And so she's my best friend. I loved her."},{"startTime":207.34,"endTime":210.31,"body":"And then one day she said, I'm moving."},{"startTime":207.34,"endTime":210.31,"body":"And I was like, okay."},{"startTime":210.31,"endTime":213.98,"body":"And then the next day gone, Oh,"},{"startTime":210.31,"endTime":213.98,"body":"never saw her again."},{"startTime":214.347,"endTime":217.417,"body":"She wasn't my first friend,"},{"startTime":214.347,"endTime":217.417,"body":"but she just was a wild impact."},{"startTime":217.45,"endTime":220.853,"body":"Yeah,"},{"startTime":217.45,"endTime":220.853,"body":"she would say somebody farted in the park."},{"startTime":221.354,"endTime":223.189,"body":"Would. Yeah."},{"startTime":221.354,"endTime":223.189,"body":"That was how she taught me the word."},{"startTime":223.189,"endTime":226.192,"body":"She tapped me on the shoulder"},{"startTime":223.189,"endTime":226.192,"body":"and she leaned up after recess"},{"startTime":226.359,"endTime":229.629,"body":"and she whispered in my ear,"},{"startTime":226.359,"endTime":229.629,"body":"Somebody farted in the park."},{"startTime":231.731,"endTime":232.966,"body":"It's like, Yeah."},{"startTime":232.966,"endTime":234.5,"body":"And then I got over loving. She was."},{"startTime":234.5,"endTime":235.301,"body":"She was so fun."},{"startTime":235.301,"endTime":238.137,"body":"Oh, yeah. But Mr. Hunter was a bitch."},{"startTime":238.137,"endTime":239.839,"body":"No laughing, but yeah, I wish."},{"startTime":239.839,"endTime":240.807,"body":"I always wonder"},{"startTime":240.807,"endTime":245.078,"body":"there was no Facebook social media"},{"startTime":240.807,"endTime":245.078,"body":"that has brought us together again yet."},{"startTime":245.445,"endTime":246.913,"body":"So I just assume she's dead."},{"startTime":246.913,"endTime":248.481,"body":"Oh, no, I don't know."},{"startTime":248.481,"endTime":251.284,"body":"Like,"},{"startTime":248.481,"endTime":251.284,"body":"where is she and who farted in the park?"},{"startTime":251.284,"endTime":252.318,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":252.318,"endTime":255.221,"body":"Only thing in those days, right."},{"startTime":255.221,"endTime":257.39,"body":"She's probably like,"},{"startTime":255.221,"endTime":257.39,"body":"how bad would it be if she was like,"},{"startTime":257.39,"endTime":258.858,"body":"like I went to, like,"},{"startTime":257.39,"endTime":258.858,"body":"Facebook or something?"},{"startTime":258.858,"endTime":261.794,"body":"She's actually dead and"},{"startTime":258.858,"endTime":261.794,"body":"she went to the grave with that secret."},{"startTime":261.794,"endTime":262.495,"body":"If she is dead,"},{"startTime":262.495,"endTime":266.199,"body":"I would love for her ghost to haunt me"},{"startTime":262.495,"endTime":266.199,"body":"by saying somebody farted in the park."},{"startTime":266.399,"endTime":268.735,"body":"I want her to go. That's amazing, right?"},{"startTime":269.669,"endTime":270.77,"body":"Because she's a good friend."},{"startTime":270.77,"endTime":272.372,"body":"I remember my first friend."},{"startTime":272.372,"endTime":276.843,"body":"I met her in first grade,"},{"startTime":272.372,"endTime":276.843,"body":"and her name is Heidi."},{"startTime":276.843,"endTime":277.944,"body":"We're still friends."},{"startTime":277.944,"endTime":281.214,"body":"And I remember this photo of the two of us"},{"startTime":281.481,"endTime":285.418,"body":"holding hands in front of a"},{"startTime":281.481,"endTime":285.418,"body":"of a row of tulips"},{"startTime":285.718,"endTime":289.455,"body":"on the side of our house"},{"startTime":285.718,"endTime":289.455,"body":"and just the look on our faces."},{"startTime":289.455,"endTime":293.092,"body":"We were beaming like we'd found each other"},{"startTime":289.455,"endTime":293.092,"body":"and we were so happy."},{"startTime":293.926,"endTime":295.995,"body":"You're still friends with Heidi."},{"startTime":293.926,"endTime":295.995,"body":"We can say her name, right?"},{"startTime":295.995,"endTime":296.763,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"startTime":296.763,"endTime":298.898,"body":"Does she remember the moment or the photo?"},{"startTime":298.898,"endTime":301.234,"body":"I actually not that long ago, just."},{"startTime":301.234,"endTime":304.771,"body":"It was asking her if she had it,"},{"startTime":301.234,"endTime":304.771,"body":"but my mom had it, and I think she,"},{"startTime":304.871,"endTime":307.106,"body":"you know, lost it"},{"startTime":304.871,"endTime":307.106,"body":"or or threw it out or something."},{"startTime":307.106,"endTime":310.576,"body":"I think longevity is important with people"},{"startTime":307.106,"endTime":310.576,"body":"and like friendships because they"},{"startTime":310.576,"endTime":313.579,"body":"you can either"},{"startTime":310.576,"endTime":313.579,"body":"like hold people ransom for information,"},{"startTime":313.746,"endTime":316.049,"body":"even to like blackmail people"},{"startTime":313.746,"endTime":316.049,"body":"after a few decades."},{"startTime":316.049,"endTime":318.885,"body":"Right. Yeah, but you don't do like friends"},{"startTime":316.049,"endTime":318.885,"body":"don't hold hands."},{"startTime":318.885,"endTime":320.953,"body":"Adults don't hold hands in photos."},{"startTime":320.953,"endTime":323.056,"body":"And unless one of them is a beard"},{"startTime":324.29,"endTime":327.093,"body":"and it's a photo op, very Hollywood."},{"startTime":327.093,"endTime":327.627,"body":"Exactly."},{"startTime":327.627,"endTime":330.897,"body":"And suddenly they're holding"},{"startTime":327.627,"endTime":330.897,"body":"hands like in the grocery store"},{"startTime":330.897,"endTime":333.333,"body":"or in a snowy day in New York."},{"startTime":333.333,"endTime":336.602,"body":"If you see two adults"},{"startTime":333.333,"endTime":336.602,"body":"holding hands in public, they are feigning"},{"startTime":336.602,"endTime":337.87,"body":"heterosexuality."},{"startTime":337.87,"endTime":340.84,"body":"Yeah, it's a total ruse."},{"startTime":340.84,"endTime":344.21,"body":"And unless you're super old"},{"startTime":340.84,"endTime":344.21,"body":"and at that point, I think you're just"},{"startTime":344.21,"endTime":345.778,"body":"holding onto each other for balance."},{"startTime":345.778,"endTime":347.113,"body":"Yeah,"},{"startTime":347.113,"endTime":350.416,"body":"it's more it's more of a medical condition"},{"startTime":347.113,"endTime":350.416,"body":"than it is like love and support."},{"startTime":350.45,"endTime":355.722,"body":"Yeah, I this is the it's like because"},{"startTime":350.45,"endTime":355.722,"body":"I have like tons of photos of old friends."},{"startTime":355.722,"endTime":357.69,"body":"It's like one of those things"},{"startTime":355.722,"endTime":357.69,"body":"where it's like you see a baby at,"},{"startTime":357.69,"endTime":360.46,"body":"like a social gathering"},{"startTime":357.69,"endTime":360.46,"body":"and everybody holds the baby"},{"startTime":360.46,"endTime":362.095,"body":"and you think their baby's"},{"startTime":360.46,"endTime":362.095,"body":"never going to see half"},{"startTime":362.095,"endTime":364.397,"body":"those people ever again,"},{"startTime":362.095,"endTime":364.397,"body":"their fucking life. Like, who held you?"},{"startTime":364.397,"endTime":365.331,"body":"Who held me? Do you know?"},{"startTime":365.331,"endTime":366.032,"body":"I mean,"},{"startTime":366.032,"endTime":367.633,"body":"when you have all these kids"},{"startTime":367.633,"endTime":369.969,"body":"that get in your head,"},{"startTime":367.633,"endTime":369.969,"body":"like your friends, when you're a kid"},{"startTime":369.969,"endTime":372.939,"body":"and the influence they have,"},{"startTime":369.969,"endTime":372.939,"body":"and then you never see those people again."},{"startTime":373.072,"endTime":375.007,"body":"Like saying, Yeah, yeah, like I can."},{"startTime":375.007,"endTime":378.044,"body":"If since then, anytime"},{"startTime":375.007,"endTime":378.044,"body":"I hear someone say the word fart"},{"startTime":378.044,"endTime":380.646,"body":"without rolling the ah,"},{"startTime":378.044,"endTime":380.646,"body":"it's, it doesn't sound right."},{"startTime":385.985,"endTime":388.588,"body":"I'm still"},{"startTime":385.985,"endTime":388.588,"body":"friends with my, my the first friend."},{"startTime":388.588,"endTime":391.591,"body":"My first friend. I made two friends. Yes."},{"startTime":391.724,"endTime":398.231,"body":"And we went to our 20th high school"},{"startTime":391.724,"endTime":398.231,"body":"reunion, which wasn't that recent years."},{"startTime":398.231,"endTime":402.835,"body":"And but anyway, the funny thing was"},{"startTime":398.231,"endTime":402.835,"body":"when we were there, I thought, well,"},{"startTime":403.169,"endTime":407.373,"body":"I knew I had been on TV"},{"startTime":403.169,"endTime":407.373,"body":"more than the 210 people in my class."},{"startTime":407.373,"endTime":408.04,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":408.04,"endTime":411.944,"body":"Like, I thought I would get some kind"},{"startTime":408.04,"endTime":411.944,"body":"of special attention or somebody."},{"startTime":412.011,"endTime":416.582,"body":"You have to be the most famous person,"},{"startTime":412.011,"endTime":416.582,"body":"kind of like triumphantly returning,"},{"startTime":416.582,"endTime":418.217,"body":"if you will. Absolutely. As I was."},{"startTime":418.217,"endTime":419.919,"body":"You know, you're a movie star"},{"startTime":419.919,"endTime":423.589,"body":"at, you know, this banquet room"},{"startTime":419.919,"endTime":423.589,"body":"like it was in a Holiday Inn."},{"startTime":423.589,"endTime":426.826,"body":"And, you know, it was a buffet and really,"},{"startTime":423.589,"endTime":426.826,"body":"you know, just cheesy, whatever."},{"startTime":426.993,"endTime":429.362,"body":"Just everything was, you know,"},{"startTime":426.993,"endTime":429.362,"body":"cheap, whatever."},{"startTime":429.362,"endTime":433.633,"body":"So I was sitting with Heidi and then"},{"startTime":429.362,"endTime":433.633,"body":"the gay kid that I went to the prom with."},{"startTime":433.666,"endTime":436.369,"body":"Oh, of course, you were his mom."},{"startTime":436.369,"endTime":439.038,"body":"He I have a friend like you. He said."},{"startTime":439.038,"endTime":440.54,"body":"Was he gay then? I'm sorry."},{"startTime":439.038,"endTime":440.54,"body":"Keep interrupting."},{"startTime":440.54,"endTime":442.642,"body":"Yeah, he was. He was, but he didn't know."},{"startTime":442.642,"endTime":444.277,"body":"And then he sat at the table,"},{"startTime":444.277,"endTime":448.281,"body":"and then these two other women"},{"startTime":444.277,"endTime":448.281,"body":"who looked familiar sat at our table."},{"startTime":448.281,"endTime":451.951,"body":"And then I looked around"},{"startTime":448.281,"endTime":451.951,"body":"and all the other tables were packed"},{"startTime":452.251,"endTime":456.422,"body":"with the jocks and the cheerleaders,"},{"startTime":452.251,"endTime":456.422,"body":"and some of them married each other."},{"startTime":456.422,"endTime":460.593,"body":"And then I realized the two other girls"},{"startTime":456.422,"endTime":460.593,"body":"were the shy girls that were also"},{"startTime":460.593,"endTime":462.195,"body":"never picked for basketball with me."},{"startTime":462.195,"endTime":463.796,"body":"Tall couldn't get you pick? No."},{"startTime":463.796,"endTime":468.234,"body":"And I said to Heidi, they said, Oh my God,"},{"startTime":463.796,"endTime":468.234,"body":"we're still at the unpopular table."},{"startTime":470.369,"endTime":470.837,"body":"I mean, I was"},{"startTime":470.837,"endTime":473.94,"body":"just like, amazed,"},{"startTime":470.837,"endTime":473.94,"body":"like nothing has changed."},{"startTime":473.94,"endTime":476.075,"body":"Yeah, I've avoided that."},{"startTime":476.075,"endTime":480.947,"body":"I've avoided high school, Reunion Island"},{"startTime":476.075,"endTime":480.947,"body":"avoided, but I haven't flown home for it"},{"startTime":480.947,"endTime":484.25,"body":"because I thought I very much felt"},{"startTime":480.947,"endTime":484.25,"body":"that was going to be the same thing."},{"startTime":484.25,"endTime":486.018,"body":"And I was like,"},{"startTime":484.25,"endTime":486.018,"body":"I don't want to be rejected"},{"startTime":486.018,"endTime":488.921,"body":"by the same people that rejected me. Like,"},{"startTime":486.018,"endTime":488.921,"body":"I don't want that."},{"startTime":488.921,"endTime":489.322,"body":"I know."},{"startTime":489.322,"endTime":492.692,"body":"And it's such a shitty feeling"},{"startTime":489.322,"endTime":492.692,"body":"because I think at some point"},{"startTime":492.725,"endTime":495.127,"body":"when you're growing up and"},{"startTime":492.725,"endTime":495.127,"body":"and if there are people who are,"},{"startTime":495.127,"endTime":497.43,"body":"you know,"},{"startTime":495.127,"endTime":497.43,"body":"brutalizing you or making fun of you,"},{"startTime":497.43,"endTime":499.632,"body":"whatever you think,"},{"startTime":497.43,"endTime":499.632,"body":"brutalizing is a good word, anything."},{"startTime":499.632,"endTime":501.4,"body":"Someday I'm going to show them."},{"startTime":501.4,"endTime":503.97,"body":"But you won't,"},{"startTime":501.4,"endTime":503.97,"body":"because they're the same. Yes."},{"startTime":503.97,"endTime":507.039,"body":"If you think you know you're weird,"},{"startTime":503.97,"endTime":507.039,"body":"then you're actually"},{"startTime":507.039,"endTime":510.376,"body":"now that you've"},{"startTime":507.039,"endTime":510.376,"body":"you've made a bit of a success."},{"startTime":510.376,"endTime":514.18,"body":"Yeah, You're weirder now"},{"startTime":510.376,"endTime":514.18,"body":"and that becomes more resentful."},{"startTime":514.18,"endTime":515.882,"body":"There's like, Yeah, it would be."},{"startTime":515.882,"endTime":518.718,"body":"It would only yeah,"},{"startTime":515.882,"endTime":518.718,"body":"there's kind of no way to satisfy that."},{"startTime":518.718,"endTime":521.654,"body":"It can be good motivation"},{"startTime":518.718,"endTime":521.654,"body":"for you to try to make something,"},{"startTime":521.654,"endTime":523.189,"body":"whatever"},{"startTime":521.654,"endTime":523.189,"body":"that something could be a real life."},{"startTime":523.189,"endTime":525.124,"body":"But yeah, I recognize that too."},{"startTime":525.124,"endTime":528.127,"body":"There's like if there's going to be"},{"startTime":525.124,"endTime":528.127,"body":"an asshole who ever says,"},{"startTime":528.327,"endTime":530.963,"body":"you know, I was wrong about that person,"},{"startTime":528.327,"endTime":530.963,"body":"that's never going to happen."},{"startTime":530.963,"endTime":532.331,"body":"It's never going to happen."},{"startTime":532.331,"endTime":533.199,"body":"We always saw"},{"startTime":533.199,"endTime":535.001,"body":"we would only go"},{"startTime":533.199,"endTime":535.001,"body":"to our high school reunions"},{"startTime":535.001,"endTime":537.737,"body":"if we could literally bring Sharon"},{"startTime":535.001,"endTime":537.737,"body":"Stone with us,"},{"startTime":537.737,"endTime":540.172,"body":"and then we would do Rails of Coke off her"},{"startTime":537.737,"endTime":540.172,"body":"tits in the bathrooms"},{"startTime":540.172,"endTime":541.974,"body":"because we wanted people"},{"startTime":540.172,"endTime":541.974,"body":"if we were going to be a mass,"},{"startTime":541.974,"endTime":544.977,"body":"we want to be out in mass"},{"startTime":541.974,"endTime":544.977,"body":"like we want to be would be like,"},{"startTime":544.977,"endTime":546.946,"body":"Did you see Daniel at the reunion?"},{"startTime":546.946,"endTime":549.949,"body":"He was doing Cocaine of Shrooms and said,"},{"startTime":546.946,"endTime":549.949,"body":"What a nightmare."},{"startTime":549.949,"endTime":550.349,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":550.349,"endTime":551.417,"body":"Like, and the same."},{"startTime":551.417,"endTime":553.719,"body":"Resentful, Like he's always been weird."},{"startTime":553.719,"endTime":556.088,"body":"Yeah, let's fucking be weird. Oh, that."},{"startTime":556.088,"endTime":558.057,"body":"But never have. Never."},{"startTime":558.057,"endTime":560.626,"body":"And still would never aim that high."},{"startTime":560.626,"endTime":564.063,"body":"I mean, not to insinuate that"},{"startTime":560.626,"endTime":564.063,"body":"Sharon Stone is a coke dealer or do"},{"startTime":564.063,"endTime":568.734,"body":"or would let a homosexual man"},{"startTime":564.063,"endTime":568.734,"body":"inhale narcotics off of her décolletage."},{"startTime":569.335,"endTime":570.937,"body":"But all those things sound fine."},{"startTime":570.937,"endTime":571.837,"body":"Yeah, right."},{"startTime":571.837,"endTime":573.906,"body":"And in front of all the people"},{"startTime":571.837,"endTime":573.906,"body":"you've been trying to impress"},{"startTime":573.906,"endTime":577.176,"body":"for the last 20 years,"},{"startTime":573.906,"endTime":577.176,"body":"that if this if nothing worked, this will"},{"startTime":578.177,"endTime":579.412,"body":"make you"},{"startTime":579.412,"endTime":582.715,"body":"the only thing that could possibly"},{"startTime":579.412,"endTime":582.715,"body":"be a little bit"},{"startTime":582.715,"endTime":586.986,"body":"better than that would be to have"},{"startTime":586.986,"endTime":589.989,"body":"Stevie Nicks ground into powder"},{"startTime":590.089,"endTime":593.092,"body":"and then snort her up your nose."},{"startTime":598.798,"endTime":599.632,"body":"When did you come out?"},{"startTime":599.632,"endTime":601.734,"body":"If you don't do it,"},{"startTime":599.632,"endTime":601.734,"body":"would you rather not talk about that?"},{"startTime":601.734,"endTime":602.902,"body":"You can have me. That's fine."},{"startTime":602.902,"endTime":603.836,"body":"I don't mind talking about it."},{"startTime":603.836,"endTime":607.54,"body":"I'm a woman of a certain age"},{"startTime":603.836,"endTime":607.54,"body":"that it was like you were."},{"startTime":607.54,"endTime":609.241,"body":"It's at a time like last century."},{"startTime":609.241,"endTime":611.711,"body":"If you didn't say anything,"},{"startTime":609.241,"endTime":611.711,"body":"you were closeted. It's right."},{"startTime":611.711,"endTime":612.678,"body":"And then you kind of had to."},{"startTime":612.678,"endTime":615.514,"body":"You were expected"},{"startTime":612.678,"endTime":615.514,"body":"to, like, kind of label yourself."},{"startTime":615.514,"endTime":617.016,"body":"But also at the same time,"},{"startTime":617.016,"endTime":618.718,"body":"I was ten years old"},{"startTime":617.016,"endTime":618.718,"body":"and performing as Carmen"},{"startTime":618.718,"endTime":621.287,"body":"Miranda Full Fruit"},{"startTime":618.718,"endTime":621.287,"body":"Hat and the talent show."},{"startTime":621.287,"endTime":622.488,"body":"Like what?"},{"startTime":622.488,"endTime":624.423,"body":"What about that"},{"startTime":622.488,"endTime":624.423,"body":"need to come out of the closet?"},{"startTime":624.423,"endTime":627.326,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":624.423,"endTime":627.326,"body":"So there were plenty of clues."},{"startTime":627.326,"endTime":630.396,"body":"But then also I kind of made viral news."},{"startTime":630.63,"endTime":632.932,"body":"I met President Obama a few years ago"},{"startTime":630.63,"endTime":632.932,"body":"because being gay"},{"startTime":632.932,"endTime":634.967,"body":"is like basically illegal in Texas, right?"},{"startTime":634.967,"endTime":638.437,"body":"Like, it is not okay still to be"},{"startTime":634.967,"endTime":638.437,"body":"fucking gay in Texas or a lot of places."},{"startTime":638.738,"endTime":641.273,"body":"And I met Obama. He came into a restaurant"},{"startTime":638.738,"endTime":641.273,"body":"where I work at the time."},{"startTime":641.273,"endTime":644.61,"body":"This is pre"},{"startTime":641.273,"endTime":644.61,"body":"Supreme Court okaying gay marriage, right?"},{"startTime":644.944,"endTime":647.079,"body":"And I said equal rights for gay people."},{"startTime":647.079,"endTime":649.849,"body":"Obama looked at me because it was a"},{"startTime":647.079,"endTime":649.849,"body":"weird thing to say at the time."},{"startTime":649.849,"endTime":652.518,"body":"And he looks at me, goes, Are you gay?"},{"startTime":649.849,"endTime":652.518,"body":"Where were you?"},{"startTime":652.518,"endTime":653.619,"body":"I was working at a barbecue restaurant"},{"startTime":653.619,"endTime":656.155,"body":"in Austin, Texas,"},{"startTime":653.619,"endTime":656.155,"body":"and the president was in town."},{"startTime":656.155,"endTime":661.16,"body":"Everybody knew it is a small town, so"},{"startTime":656.155,"endTime":661.16,"body":"when any person's in town it's noticeable."},{"startTime":661.694,"endTime":663.896,"body":"So yeah, I was just this cashier"},{"startTime":661.694,"endTime":663.896,"body":"at a barbecue restaurant."},{"startTime":663.896,"endTime":665.731,"body":"And then the president comes in,"},{"startTime":663.896,"endTime":665.731,"body":"there's all this press there"},{"startTime":665.731,"endTime":667.767,"body":"and all these people,"},{"startTime":665.731,"endTime":667.767,"body":"everybody's freaking out. We're just fine."},{"startTime":667.767,"endTime":668.768,"body":"Have you ever met a president?"},{"startTime":668.768,"endTime":671.103,"body":"No. What? Meaning there? Until that."},{"startTime":671.103,"endTime":673.673,"body":"But it was"},{"startTime":671.103,"endTime":673.673,"body":"it was cool. Wait, did you shoot?"},{"startTime":673.673,"endTime":678.31,"body":"I went to an HRC benefit"},{"startTime":673.673,"endTime":678.31,"body":"when I was working on Will and Grace."},{"startTime":678.31,"endTime":682.181,"body":"Yeah, and there's actually I met Clinton,"},{"startTime":678.31,"endTime":682.181,"body":"President"},{"startTime":682.181,"endTime":685.985,"body":"Clinton, and I have a photo of it"},{"startTime":682.181,"endTime":685.985,"body":"and will put it on my."},{"startTime":686.185,"endTime":688.754,"body":"We should put this on our hair, right?"},{"startTime":686.185,"endTime":688.754,"body":"Yeah. What we thought would happen."},{"startTime":688.754,"endTime":692.291,"body":"So but anyway, in the photo you can see"},{"startTime":692.692,"endTime":696.028,"body":"Clinton's fingers on"},{"startTime":692.692,"endTime":696.028,"body":"he gave me a side boob hug."},{"startTime":696.095,"endTime":698.164,"body":"Oh my gosh."},{"startTime":698.164,"endTime":701.701,"body":"Was he charismatic and charming"},{"startTime":698.164,"endTime":701.701,"body":"and everything that he says."},{"startTime":701.701,"endTime":703.269,"body":"But and it was funny."},{"startTime":703.269,"endTime":706.906,"body":"He was with Kevin Spacey was"},{"startTime":707.139,"endTime":711.51,"body":"who was kind of pretending to"},{"startTime":707.139,"endTime":711.51,"body":"on this other female writer."},{"startTime":711.544,"endTime":713.646,"body":"Oh, no. Yeah."},{"startTime":713.646,"endTime":718.918,"body":"That actually is a very interesting,"},{"startTime":713.646,"endTime":718.918,"body":"relevant photo these days."},{"startTime":718.918,"endTime":720.72,"body":"Yeah, I it's hard."},{"startTime":720.72,"endTime":724.423,"body":"I don't romanticize Clinton for his"},{"startTime":720.72,"endTime":724.423,"body":"predatory past and stuff like that."},{"startTime":724.423,"endTime":725.958,"body":"I certainly can separate the two things."},{"startTime":725.958,"endTime":730.262,"body":"But it is fascinating how very JFK,"},{"startTime":725.958,"endTime":730.262,"body":"how people will just gloss over that"},{"startTime":730.262,"endTime":734.2,"body":"because the charisma of it all is Kevin"},{"startTime":730.262,"endTime":734.2,"body":"Spacey have the same."},{"startTime":734.467,"endTime":738.471,"body":"Yeah, I was more"},{"startTime":734.467,"endTime":738.471,"body":"I mean, as far as meeting to famous"},{"startTime":738.471,"endTime":741.907,"body":"men or women, I was more attracted"},{"startTime":738.471,"endTime":741.907,"body":"to Kevin Spacey and Clinton."},{"startTime":742.241,"endTime":746.011,"body":"And the only star that I've met"},{"startTime":742.241,"endTime":746.011,"body":"that I felt like"},{"startTime":746.011,"endTime":751.25,"body":"who had just like this"},{"startTime":746.011,"endTime":751.25,"body":"or something about them was Eddie Murphy."},{"startTime":751.817,"endTime":753.519,"body":"Why? Oh, yes."},{"startTime":753.519,"endTime":754.22,"body":"So that's the thing."},{"startTime":754.22,"endTime":757.256,"body":"It's like because when you meet, you"},{"startTime":754.22,"endTime":757.256,"body":"have met like all kinds of famous people."},{"startTime":757.256,"endTime":759.925,"body":"At what point is a famous person?"},{"startTime":757.256,"endTime":759.925,"body":"Are they like your friend?"},{"startTime":759.925,"endTime":762.428,"body":"Or you're like, Oh,"},{"startTime":759.925,"endTime":762.428,"body":"we're colleagues, or Wait, I'm just a fan?"},{"startTime":762.428,"endTime":764.797,"body":"Like, because there's"},{"startTime":762.428,"endTime":764.797,"body":"a lot of blurry lines in that territory."},{"startTime":764.797,"endTime":767.433,"body":"Like, it's hard to know who's your friend,"},{"startTime":764.797,"endTime":767.433,"body":"I guess. Yeah."},{"startTime":767.433,"endTime":771.937,"body":"I mean, I think I tried to insinuate"},{"startTime":767.433,"endTime":771.937,"body":"myself as a friend too."},{"startTime":773.372,"endTime":774.807,"body":"Can I draw, you know, just for that?"},{"startTime":774.807,"endTime":777.476,"body":"Yeah,"},{"startTime":774.807,"endTime":777.476,"body":"that's a great way to say. Yeah, I know."},{"startTime":777.476,"endTime":781.781,"body":"I mean, I actually, I was a huge fan"},{"startTime":777.476,"endTime":781.781,"body":"of Albert Brooks, and so it was like,"},{"startTime":781.781,"endTime":785.918,"body":"I love the thrill of my life"},{"startTime":781.781,"endTime":785.918,"body":"to be in a curb episode with him."},{"startTime":786.252,"endTime":788.22,"body":"And I asked him for his email."},{"startTime":788.22,"endTime":791.19,"body":"Broadcast news is fucking funny"},{"startTime":788.22,"endTime":791.19,"body":"and he's just brilliant, I think."},{"startTime":791.19,"endTime":792.391,"body":"Hilarious movie."},{"startTime":792.391,"endTime":795.461,"body":"The scene where John Cusack"},{"startTime":792.391,"endTime":795.461,"body":"is running down the hall with a live tape"},{"startTime":795.461,"endTime":797.363,"body":"and she's"},{"startTime":795.461,"endTime":797.363,"body":"smashing into like the water fountain."},{"startTime":797.363,"endTime":799.398,"body":"And they're like,"},{"startTime":797.363,"endTime":799.398,"body":"they think that movie is way underrated."},{"startTime":799.398,"endTime":801.634,"body":"She's incredible. Oh, yeah."},{"startTime":799.398,"endTime":801.634,"body":"What was it like to meet Eddie Murphy?"},{"startTime":801.634,"endTime":802.968,"body":"I'm such a star fucker. I love me."},{"startTime":802.968,"endTime":803.803,"body":"I love hearing this stuff."},{"startTime":803.803,"endTime":806.772,"body":"Oh, well,"},{"startTime":803.803,"endTime":806.772,"body":"because I imagine he's really short."},{"startTime":806.772,"endTime":807.64,"body":"No disrespect."},{"startTime":807.64,"endTime":808.908,"body":"No disrespect. Now."},{"startTime":808.908,"endTime":810.643,"body":"It's like I'm. I'm plugging everything."},{"startTime":810.643,"endTime":814.213,"body":"But I was in. I was in Daddy daycare."},{"startTime":814.313,"endTime":818.117,"body":"I had a small part and the crew came in"},{"startTime":814.313,"endTime":818.117,"body":"and they all fist"},{"startTime":818.117,"endTime":821.587,"body":"bumped him and I was like,"},{"startTime":818.117,"endTime":821.587,"body":"kind of next in line to say hello."},{"startTime":821.587,"endTime":825.858,"body":"So I held my stupid fist down"},{"startTime":821.587,"endTime":825.858,"body":"and he was so like, charming."},{"startTime":825.858,"endTime":828.26,"body":"And he kind of smiled"},{"startTime":825.858,"endTime":828.26,"body":"because I can shake your hand."},{"startTime":828.26,"endTime":829.628,"body":"I got to see."},{"startTime":829.628,"endTime":831.13,"body":"That's"},{"startTime":829.628,"endTime":831.13,"body":"what I'm saying. You're a colleague."},{"startTime":831.13,"endTime":831.797,"body":"You're different."},{"startTime":831.797,"endTime":834.466,"body":"Like you're"},{"startTime":831.797,"endTime":834.466,"body":"you're in that league, is what I'm saying."},{"startTime":834.466,"endTime":838.337,"body":"But I think it was just like, No, you're"},{"startTime":834.466,"endTime":838.337,"body":"like a kind of an awkward white jackass."},{"startTime":838.404,"endTime":842.908,"body":"Oh, I'm trying to be cool"},{"startTime":838.404,"endTime":842.908,"body":"and mom and fist bump me, okay?"},{"startTime":842.942,"endTime":847.446,"body":"Because when I met Obama and I"},{"startTime":842.942,"endTime":847.446,"body":"made my stupid joke, he goes, Are you gay?"},{"startTime":847.446,"endTime":848.781,"body":"And I go, Only when I'm having tags,"},{"startTime":848.781,"endTime":851.884,"body":"which is a very inappropriate thing to say"},{"startTime":848.781,"endTime":851.884,"body":"to the president or anybody, really."},{"startTime":851.884,"endTime":854.119,"body":"But it was just some like stock line."},{"startTime":851.884,"endTime":854.119,"body":"It always had."},{"startTime":854.119,"endTime":855.788,"body":"He laughed really hard."},{"startTime":855.788,"endTime":858.791,"body":"And then he raises his hand"},{"startTime":855.788,"endTime":858.791,"body":"and like raises his fits and starts"},{"startTime":858.791,"endTime":859.358,"body":"moving toward me."},{"startTime":859.358,"endTime":861.894,"body":"And he actually does say to me in life,"},{"startTime":859.358,"endTime":861.894,"body":"he goes, come on about me like that."},{"startTime":861.894,"endTime":865.731,"body":"Because I clearly was like,"},{"startTime":861.894,"endTime":865.731,"body":"not I'm the goofy, awkward white person."},{"startTime":865.731,"endTime":866.932,"body":"And like, I don't think you're right,"},{"startTime":868.0,"endTime":868.601,"body":"that kind of things."},{"startTime":868.601,"endTime":869.735,"body":"So he literally had to kind of like,"},{"startTime":869.735,"endTime":872.271,"body":"give me a cue to be like,"},{"startTime":869.735,"endTime":872.271,"body":"Come on, like that sort of thing."},{"startTime":872.271,"endTime":875.341,"body":"Because equally I felt like,"},{"startTime":872.271,"endTime":875.341,"body":"I don't know, I was out of place."},{"startTime":875.341,"endTime":878.11,"body":"But the charismatic thing about Clinton,"},{"startTime":875.341,"endTime":878.11,"body":"I'm sure it's the same with like Eddie"},{"startTime":878.11,"endTime":882.147,"body":"Murphy because like, Obama, like, glows,"},{"startTime":878.11,"endTime":882.147,"body":"Oh, I would like to meet him."},{"startTime":882.147,"endTime":886.085,"body":"He radiates, and I'm a tall person,"},{"startTime":882.147,"endTime":886.085,"body":"but he's taller. Wow."},{"startTime":886.118,"endTime":888.387,"body":"Which is hard to do."},{"startTime":886.118,"endTime":888.387,"body":"I don't feel smaller than most."},{"startTime":888.387,"endTime":891.223,"body":"Your 6262 on Grindr."},{"startTime":891.223,"endTime":893.492,"body":"I'm six three."},{"startTime":893.492,"endTime":894.994,"body":"You got to get an inch or you can"},{"startTime":894.994,"endTime":898.53,"body":"I usually since it depends on my mood"},{"startTime":894.994,"endTime":898.53,"body":"but I think I'm five nine"},{"startTime":898.664,"endTime":902.635,"body":"why I used to wear cowboy boots every"},{"startTime":898.664,"endTime":902.635,"body":"day because I like a heel"},{"startTime":903.836,"endTime":904.737,"body":"and it was new."},{"startTime":904.737,"endTime":906.939,"body":"Yeah, it's great. But ever since I quit"},{"startTime":904.737,"endTime":906.939,"body":"wearing boots, I've lost."},{"startTime":906.939,"endTime":909.541,"body":"I think, a lot of stature within the city."},{"startTime":909.541,"endTime":911.577,"body":"No, within within the country."},{"startTime":911.577,"endTime":914.113,"body":"And the tallest people in L.A.,"},{"startTime":911.577,"endTime":914.113,"body":"by the way."},{"startTime":914.113,"endTime":917.049,"body":"Which is that a benefit?"},{"startTime":914.113,"endTime":917.049,"body":"I don't know. Everybody is a miniature."},{"startTime":917.049,"endTime":918.183,"body":"Are people scared of us?"},{"startTime":918.183,"endTime":919.418,"body":"Yeah, maybe so."},{"startTime":919.418,"endTime":921.253,"body":"All the actresses out here are five two."},{"startTime":921.253,"endTime":922.554,"body":"Yeah, people don't know."},{"startTime":922.554,"endTime":927.993,"body":"And I had to stand in a ditch next"},{"startTime":922.554,"endTime":927.993,"body":"to this woman who's amazing."},{"startTime":927.993,"endTime":928.327,"body":"I'll say it."},{"startTime":928.327,"endTime":932.197,"body":"It was Regina King"},{"startTime":928.327,"endTime":932.197,"body":"and who's also beautiful and."},{"startTime":932.197,"endTime":933.098,"body":"And funny."},{"startTime":933.098,"endTime":936.068,"body":"And I had to stand in a ditch next door"},{"startTime":933.098,"endTime":936.068,"body":"because I was so much taller."},{"startTime":936.068,"endTime":938.671,"body":"They can't put her on an apple box."},{"startTime":936.068,"endTime":938.671,"body":"They got to put you in a ditch."},{"startTime":938.671,"endTime":940.139,"body":"You don't put a star on an apple."},{"startTime":940.139,"endTime":942.174,"body":"Was that. Oh, no."},{"startTime":942.174,"endTime":946.845,"body":"They put you in a they put the can we find"},{"startTime":942.174,"endTime":946.845,"body":"a crawl space we have a similar on."},{"startTime":946.879,"endTime":952.418,"body":"Yeah exactly So me just keep bearing"},{"startTime":946.879,"endTime":952.418,"body":"or you know just cut her out all together."},{"startTime":952.418,"endTime":955.287,"body":"That means at the end,"},{"startTime":952.418,"endTime":955.287,"body":"let's put her down deeper."},{"startTime":955.287,"endTime":957.122,"body":"No deeper. No deeper."},{"startTime":957.122,"endTime":957.856,"body":"Violet Okay."},{"startTime":957.856,"endTime":960.559,"body":"And put the dirt over her as you dig"},{"startTime":957.856,"endTime":960.559,"body":"in the hole herself. She'll be fine."},{"startTime":961.627,"endTime":965.064,"body":"I just said I don't audition a lot,"},{"startTime":961.627,"endTime":965.064,"body":"but I just did."},{"startTime":965.064,"endTime":968.367,"body":"And I had to audition with a friend,"},{"startTime":965.064,"endTime":968.367,"body":"which is awkward, you know,"},{"startTime":968.367,"endTime":970.636,"body":"And, like, you show up with, like,"},{"startTime":968.367,"endTime":970.636,"body":"I guess, a colleague or whatever,"},{"startTime":970.636,"endTime":974.006,"body":"But I work so little that were more"},{"startTime":970.636,"endTime":974.006,"body":"friends than I could say colleagues,"},{"startTime":974.44,"endTime":977.843,"body":"but this person, she is like a foot"},{"startTime":974.44,"endTime":977.843,"body":"and a half shorter than me."},{"startTime":977.843,"endTime":978.31,"body":"I'm tall."},{"startTime":978.31,"endTime":982.715,"body":"It's not her fault, but she's celebrity"},{"startTime":978.31,"endTime":982.715,"body":"tall and I'm fucking freakish tall."},{"startTime":982.715,"endTime":985.15,"body":"And our scene was just weird"},{"startTime":982.715,"endTime":985.15,"body":"because of that, right?"},{"startTime":985.15,"endTime":986.919,"body":"We're supposed to be side"},{"startTime":985.15,"endTime":986.919,"body":"by side on camera,"},{"startTime":986.919,"endTime":988.487,"body":"so we're both looking like I'm looking."},{"startTime":988.487,"endTime":991.256,"body":"I'm a fucking periscope."},{"startTime":988.487,"endTime":991.256,"body":"Do you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":991.256,"endTime":992.958,"body":"And it was like,"},{"startTime":991.256,"endTime":992.958,"body":"you've got a bug on your shoulder."},{"startTime":992.958,"endTime":996.829,"body":"Well, but even worse, this is your friend,"},{"startTime":992.958,"endTime":996.829,"body":"so I can't even, like, act or whatever,"},{"startTime":996.829,"endTime":998.998,"body":"because my buddy"},{"startTime":996.829,"endTime":998.998,"body":"and that's throwing me off."},{"startTime":998.998,"endTime":999.832,"body":"I mean, I don't know."},{"startTime":999.832,"endTime":1001.6,"body":"I never work"},{"startTime":999.832,"endTime":1001.6,"body":"well with friends because all I want to do"},{"startTime":1001.6,"endTime":1003.002,"body":"is like, knock off and be friends."},{"startTime":1003.002,"endTime":1006.472,"body":"Yeah, there is a friend"},{"startTime":1003.002,"endTime":1006.472,"body":"who's a flight attendant, and I know him."},{"startTime":1006.472,"endTime":1009.475,"body":"We're friends, and then we're on the same"},{"startTime":1006.472,"endTime":1009.475,"body":"flight he's working."},{"startTime":1009.541,"endTime":1010.709,"body":"And then what he does is he flies"},{"startTime":1010.709,"endTime":1012.711,"body":"somewhere, hooks up and then comes out"},{"startTime":1010.709,"endTime":1012.711,"body":"and he's got the life."},{"startTime":1012.711,"endTime":1014.913,"body":"But he was like,"},{"startTime":1012.711,"endTime":1014.913,"body":"I thought maybe when we got to"},{"startTime":1014.913,"endTime":1017.983,"body":"the same time, we were like, Hang out"},{"startTime":1014.913,"endTime":1017.983,"body":"or see each other or something, you know?"},{"startTime":1017.983,"endTime":1021.653,"body":"It was like, Oh, we're not friends,"},{"startTime":1017.983,"endTime":1021.653,"body":"we're just gay colleagues."},{"startTime":1021.687,"endTime":1022.554,"body":"Oh, well, that's one."},{"startTime":1022.554,"endTime":1024.089,"body":"I guess that's a good thing"},{"startTime":1022.554,"endTime":1024.089,"body":"about being straight"},{"startTime":1024.089,"endTime":1025.991,"body":"is you're never friends"},{"startTime":1024.089,"endTime":1025.991,"body":"with somebody that you find."},{"startTime":1028.06,"endTime":1029.128,"body":"I know that."},{"startTime":1029.128,"endTime":1031.23,"body":"I see. I need those kind of lines."},{"startTime":1031.23,"endTime":1034.333,"body":"I need like, I need things to be black"},{"startTime":1031.23,"endTime":1034.333,"body":"and white like that."},{"startTime":1034.733,"endTime":1036.568,"body":"I don't need the nebulous like,"},{"startTime":1034.733,"endTime":1036.568,"body":"do you want to go to brunch"},{"startTime":1036.568,"endTime":1039.671,"body":"with nine people you fucked and one person"},{"startTime":1036.568,"endTime":1039.671,"body":"you still haven't yet but want to?"},{"startTime":1039.671,"endTime":1042.174,"body":"Like, I can't handle that"},{"startTime":1042.174,"endTime":1044.777,"body":"because then nobody's eating right."},{"startTime":1044.777,"endTime":1047.78,"body":"Nobody's everyone's too scared to eat."},{"startTime":1052.217,"endTime":1054.686,"body":"What was the first thing you bought"},{"startTime":1054.686,"endTime":1057.589,"body":"when you first got your allowance"},{"startTime":1054.686,"endTime":1057.589,"body":"or when you had your own money?"},{"startTime":1057.589,"endTime":1059.391,"body":"Oh, did you have."},{"startTime":1059.391,"endTime":1061.627,"body":"We did have allowance."},{"startTime":1059.391,"endTime":1061.627,"body":"Did you have allowance?"},{"startTime":1061.627,"endTime":1063.328,"body":"Ours is a scam."},{"startTime":1063.328,"endTime":1067.132,"body":"Our parents,"},{"startTime":1063.328,"endTime":1067.132,"body":"we got $2 a week in the nineties, Right."},{"startTime":1067.132,"endTime":1069.068,"body":"Like that's still pretty low."},{"startTime":1069.068,"endTime":1073.038,"body":"We got $2 a week and then the rule"},{"startTime":1069.068,"endTime":1073.038,"body":"was to teach us about savings."},{"startTime":1073.038,"endTime":1074.64,"body":"Haha, look at me now."},{"startTime":1074.64,"endTime":1076.775,"body":"We had about $1 in the bank,"},{"startTime":1077.843,"endTime":1080.446,"body":"so 50% of it immediately went to savings."},{"startTime":1080.446,"endTime":1083.082,"body":"And then the other dollar"},{"startTime":1080.446,"endTime":1083.082,"body":"that you had that week, I mean yeah,"},{"startTime":1083.082,"endTime":1085.684,"body":"it was a fucking nineties."},{"startTime":1083.082,"endTime":1085.684,"body":"What can you buy for a goddamn dollar?"},{"startTime":1085.684,"endTime":1088.387,"body":"So it took a while to scrape."},{"startTime":1088.387,"endTime":1090.823,"body":"And then I'll tell you"},{"startTime":1088.387,"endTime":1090.823,"body":"what really washed me out"},{"startTime":1090.823,"endTime":1093.859,"body":"was, you know, there's like Fan Magazine,"},{"startTime":1090.823,"endTime":1093.859,"body":"Teen Pop and things like that"},{"startTime":1093.859,"endTime":1095.16,"body":"from like the eighties and nineties."},{"startTime":1095.16,"endTime":1097.93,"body":"I called one of the in the back"},{"startTime":1097.93,"endTime":1101.7,"body":"that had like a 900 number,"},{"startTime":1097.93,"endTime":1101.7,"body":"talked to the stars. Wow."},{"startTime":1101.7,"endTime":1104.97,"body":"I would give my teeth to talk to Paula"},{"startTime":1101.7,"endTime":1104.97,"body":"Abdul."},{"startTime":1105.537,"endTime":1107.973,"body":"No I fucking called the number"},{"startTime":1105.537,"endTime":1107.973,"body":"and racked up like, I don't know,"},{"startTime":1107.973,"endTime":1108.907,"body":"$60 and charge."},{"startTime":1108.907,"endTime":1111.21,"body":"Well that's a year's worth of allowance."},{"startTime":1111.21,"endTime":1113.412,"body":"So I got busted."},{"startTime":1113.412,"endTime":1114.346,"body":"Did you talk to her?"},{"startTime":1114.346,"endTime":1116.515,"body":"No, it was a scam. It was a total scam."},{"startTime":1116.515,"endTime":1119.218,"body":"I thought they might have her voice"},{"startTime":1116.515,"endTime":1119.218,"body":"recorded. Not even."},{"startTime":1119.218,"endTime":1120.352,"body":"Not even close."},{"startTime":1120.352,"endTime":1122.321,"body":"It was a total scam anyway, but."},{"startTime":1122.321,"endTime":1123.922,"body":"So that set me back a year."},{"startTime":1123.922,"endTime":1126.058,"body":"But finally, when I had, I would buy like,"},{"startTime":1126.058,"endTime":1129.928,"body":"cassette singles with my allowance"},{"startTime":1126.058,"endTime":1129.928,"body":"and I would buy comic books"},{"startTime":1130.896,"endTime":1132.764,"body":"and like"},{"startTime":1130.896,"endTime":1132.764,"body":"teen magazines where I would later"},{"startTime":1132.764,"endTime":1135.868,"body":"lose all my money in a telephone"},{"startTime":1132.764,"endTime":1135.868,"body":"pyramid scheme."},{"startTime":1136.768,"endTime":1137.736,"body":"But yeah, it was music."},{"startTime":1137.736,"endTime":1141.073,"body":"I buy a lot of music stuff"},{"startTime":1137.736,"endTime":1141.073,"body":"that was that was that's very"},{"startTime":1141.24,"endTime":1142.541,"body":"I think that's really cool."},{"startTime":1142.541,"endTime":1145.077,"body":"I mean that you cared about,"},{"startTime":1145.077,"endTime":1148.28,"body":"you know, music and I had to someone"},{"startTime":1145.077,"endTime":1148.28,"body":"had to support Paula Abdul Mariah Carey."},{"startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1149.948,"body":"They weren't going to do that"},{"startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1149.948,"body":"alone, Right."},{"startTime":1149.948,"endTime":1151.083,"body":"You know, what would you get?"},{"startTime":1151.083,"endTime":1154.82,"body":"I remember and this was"},{"startTime":1151.083,"endTime":1154.82,"body":"I was probably like, first of all,"},{"startTime":1154.82,"endTime":1155.888,"body":"what was your allowance?"},{"startTime":1155.888,"endTime":1158.824,"body":"And if it's more than my room, a screen,"},{"startTime":1155.888,"endTime":1158.824,"body":"I don't remember."},{"startTime":1158.824,"endTime":1161.76,"body":"I think my mom just"},{"startTime":1158.824,"endTime":1161.76,"body":"I don't think I have anything weekly"},{"startTime":1161.76,"endTime":1164.463,"body":"because my mom didn't have anything"},{"startTime":1161.76,"endTime":1164.463,"body":"regular. Right?"},{"startTime":1164.463,"endTime":1166.999,"body":"I mean, she well, no, she had she"},{"startTime":1164.463,"endTime":1166.999,"body":"she was always working hard."},{"startTime":1166.999,"endTime":1168.6,"body":"She had a job at the phone company"},{"startTime":1168.6,"endTime":1172.671,"body":"and then sometimes she would waitress"},{"startTime":1168.6,"endTime":1172.671,"body":"when I had to sleep with my dad"},{"startTime":1174.139,"endTime":1176.608,"body":"and he seriously,"},{"startTime":1174.139,"endTime":1176.608,"body":"because he wasn't giving our support, he'd"},{"startTime":1176.608,"endTime":1180.479,"body":"have to give her their money"},{"startTime":1176.608,"endTime":1180.479,"body":"after they slept in there And Fox."},{"startTime":1180.479,"endTime":1183.715,"body":"So I remember"},{"startTime":1180.479,"endTime":1183.715,"body":"she was getting her hair done"},{"startTime":1183.916,"endTime":1186.852,"body":"and I was probably,"},{"startTime":1183.916,"endTime":1186.852,"body":"I don't know, seven or eight."},{"startTime":1186.852,"endTime":1190.589,"body":"And she gave me like probably two or $3."},{"startTime":1190.589,"endTime":1193.692,"body":"And I went down to this"},{"startTime":1190.589,"endTime":1193.692,"body":"this which I thought"},{"startTime":1193.692,"endTime":1196.562,"body":"was a really expensive, nice store."},{"startTime":1196.562,"endTime":1198.463,"body":"It was called Robert Hall. Hmm."},{"startTime":1198.463,"endTime":1200.098,"body":"It sounds nice. Yeah, I know."},{"startTime":1200.098,"endTime":1202.467,"body":"It's so funny because I wasn't there."},{"startTime":1202.467,"endTime":1203.268,"body":"There's."},{"startTime":1203.268,"endTime":1206.271,"body":"It wasn't a James way."},{"startTime":1207.539,"endTime":1208.407,"body":"Didn't remember."},{"startTime":1208.407,"endTime":1210.709,"body":"Yeah. James Stripling and Cox."},{"startTime":1210.709,"endTime":1214.947,"body":"There's like some the store names that,"},{"startTime":1210.709,"endTime":1214.947,"body":"like Ring Bells that sounded very bougie"},{"startTime":1214.947,"endTime":1216.448,"body":"but were just not. But yeah."},{"startTime":1216.448,"endTime":1218.917,"body":"So I knew that the James way"},{"startTime":1216.448,"endTime":1218.917,"body":"and theirs were"},{"startTime":1218.917,"endTime":1220.953,"body":"they were like poor, poor people like us."},{"startTime":1220.953,"endTime":1224.523,"body":"And then so this was like at the end"},{"startTime":1220.953,"endTime":1224.523,"body":"of the block and it was Robert Hall."},{"startTime":1224.523,"endTime":1229.995,"body":"And so I went in and I found this shirt"},{"startTime":1224.523,"endTime":1229.995,"body":"and I was and it was half, half price."},{"startTime":1230.295,"endTime":1232.331,"body":"And I was like,"},{"startTime":1230.295,"endTime":1232.331,"body":"Oh my God, this is this is great."},{"startTime":1232.331,"endTime":1235.334,"body":"And I tried it on and I was like,"},{"startTime":1232.331,"endTime":1235.334,"body":"I can't believe this is 299."},{"startTime":1235.701,"endTime":1236.702,"body":"And I bought it."},{"startTime":1236.702,"endTime":1237.769,"body":"And then I showed my mom"},{"startTime":1237.769,"endTime":1240.839,"body":"and I was really proud of myself,"},{"startTime":1237.769,"endTime":1240.839,"body":"you know, for getting this bargain shirt."},{"startTime":1241.139,"endTime":1244.142,"body":"And she said, the tag says as is."},{"startTime":1244.209,"endTime":1246.411,"body":"And I said, Oh, yeah, I saw that."},{"startTime":1246.411,"endTime":1250.515,"body":"And to me, I guess I thought it meant it"},{"startTime":1246.411,"endTime":1250.515,"body":"doesn't come with anything else like it."},{"startTime":1250.515,"endTime":1252.584,"body":"There are, there aren't matching pants."},{"startTime":1253.552,"endTime":1254.052,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1254.052,"endTime":1256.855,"body":"It's just that stands alone. Yeah. Yeah."},{"startTime":1256.855,"endTime":1257.889,"body":"So stupid."},{"startTime":1257.889,"endTime":1261.76,"body":"And then I realized"},{"startTime":1257.889,"endTime":1261.76,"body":"that the back of it, like the"},{"startTime":1261.76,"endTime":1266.031,"body":"the hem was all kind of crooked and messed"},{"startTime":1261.76,"endTime":1266.031,"body":"up, and that was the as is part."},{"startTime":1266.031,"endTime":1266.398,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1266.398,"endTime":1270.569,"body":"And, but I just think of, like,"},{"startTime":1266.398,"endTime":1270.569,"body":"all the things that I really did."},{"startTime":1270.569,"endTime":1273.272,"body":"You feel fooled or duped or was it,"},{"startTime":1270.569,"endTime":1273.272,"body":"or was it wearable."},{"startTime":1273.272,"endTime":1275.173,"body":"I, I wore, you know."},{"startTime":1275.173,"endTime":1276.875,"body":"Yeah. But I felt stupid."},{"startTime":1276.875,"endTime":1281.079,"body":"I mean all the things that I misconstrued"},{"startTime":1276.875,"endTime":1281.079,"body":"as a kid, like,"},{"startTime":1281.079,"endTime":1283.782,"body":"I remember too, like at Christmas,"},{"startTime":1281.079,"endTime":1283.782,"body":"we made plates for our parents,"},{"startTime":1283.782,"endTime":1288.053,"body":"like we made a design and then they came"},{"startTime":1283.782,"endTime":1288.053,"body":"back with this kind of plastic plate."},{"startTime":1288.053,"endTime":1288.854,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"startTime":1288.854,"endTime":1293.692,"body":"And I made a really simple design because"},{"startTime":1288.854,"endTime":1293.692,"body":"I thought, who would want just one plate?"},{"startTime":1293.692,"endTime":1295.827,"body":"I want I'm going to have to do this again."},{"startTime":1293.692,"endTime":1295.827,"body":"Right?"},{"startTime":1295.827,"endTime":1297.863,"body":"She has four, right?"},{"startTime":1297.863,"endTime":1301.233,"body":"And then when I gave it to my mom,"},{"startTime":1297.863,"endTime":1301.233,"body":"she said, Oh, that's nice."},{"startTime":1301.233,"endTime":1304.77,"body":"It just looks like something"},{"startTime":1301.233,"endTime":1304.77,"body":"a really little kid would do."},{"startTime":1305.203,"endTime":1306.872,"body":"But you were thinking simplistically."},{"startTime":1306.872,"endTime":1309.174,"body":"You were like,"},{"startTime":1306.872,"endTime":1309.174,"body":"Why go through all the trauma"},{"startTime":1309.174,"endTime":1311.243,"body":"of having to do this"},{"startTime":1309.174,"endTime":1311.243,"body":"over and over and over and over again,"},{"startTime":1311.243,"endTime":1312.678,"body":"taking it easy on her?"},{"startTime":1312.678,"endTime":1315.113,"body":"My cousin Casey,"},{"startTime":1312.678,"endTime":1315.113,"body":"who always had a boyfriend"},{"startTime":1315.113,"endTime":1319.351,"body":"when we were kids, she got dumped and was"},{"startTime":1315.113,"endTime":1319.351,"body":"really sad about this boy who dumped her."},{"startTime":1319.351,"endTime":1322.02,"body":"And I didn't know that word"},{"startTime":1319.351,"endTime":1322.02,"body":"romantically speaking."},{"startTime":1322.02,"endTime":1325.424,"body":"And so that was like new to me,"},{"startTime":1322.02,"endTime":1325.424,"body":"flirting and dumping"},{"startTime":1325.424,"endTime":1328.427,"body":"and getting to where like the two words"},{"startTime":1325.424,"endTime":1328.427,"body":"I learned at the same time."},{"startTime":1328.527,"endTime":1331.229,"body":"But then, you know, like on the roadside,"},{"startTime":1328.527,"endTime":1331.229,"body":"there's like no dumping here"},{"startTime":1331.229,"endTime":1331.763,"body":"and stuff like that."},{"startTime":1331.763,"endTime":1334.766,"body":"I literally thought"},{"startTime":1331.763,"endTime":1334.766,"body":"that those were like zones"},{"startTime":1335.233,"endTime":1337.002,"body":"where you're not allowed"},{"startTime":1335.233,"endTime":1337.002,"body":"to break up with someone."},{"startTime":1337.002,"endTime":1341.039,"body":"And what I pictured was"},{"startTime":1337.002,"endTime":1341.039,"body":"you are not allowed to pull your car over"},{"startTime":1341.039,"endTime":1342.541,"body":"and break up with someone here"},{"startTime":1342.541,"endTime":1345.944,"body":"I love because you can't just dump them"},{"startTime":1342.541,"endTime":1345.944,"body":"on the side of the road, right?"},{"startTime":1345.944,"endTime":1350.349,"body":"Like you need to pull over to a better"},{"startTime":1345.944,"endTime":1350.349,"body":"area if you're having an emotional moment."},{"startTime":1350.415,"endTime":1351.45,"body":"That's clever."},{"startTime":1351.45,"endTime":1353.318,"body":"The kids are so literal like that."},{"startTime":1353.318,"endTime":1355.887,"body":"Like that's how kids are interpret stuff."},{"startTime":1355.887,"endTime":1358.49,"body":"So you're as is is like you were"},{"startTime":1358.49,"endTime":1360.625,"body":"you still thought"},{"startTime":1358.49,"endTime":1360.625,"body":"you were following the rules, right?"},{"startTime":1360.625,"endTime":1361.56,"body":"Right. Yeah."},{"startTime":1361.56,"endTime":1364.196,"body":"I love that because kids are dumb."},{"startTime":1361.56,"endTime":1364.196,"body":"I was a stupid kid."},{"startTime":1364.196,"endTime":1367.199,"body":"Well,"},{"startTime":1364.196,"endTime":1367.199,"body":"I was in the slow class in second grade."},{"startTime":1367.199,"endTime":1368.834,"body":"I don't even know what they would call"},{"startTime":1367.199,"endTime":1368.834,"body":"that now."},{"startTime":1368.834,"endTime":1370.235,"body":"Sure. Better luck next."},{"startTime":1371.703,"endTime":1374.072,"body":"So you got to protect the president."},{"startTime":1374.072,"endTime":1376.074,"body":"So what is it?"},{"startTime":1376.074,"endTime":1377.075,"body":"What does that mean?"},{"startTime":1377.075,"endTime":1379.378,"body":"That they."},{"startTime":1377.075,"endTime":1379.378,"body":"You were in a separate class or whatever."},{"startTime":1379.378,"endTime":1381.546,"body":"I guess"},{"startTime":1379.378,"endTime":1381.546,"body":"remedial is what they would call it."},{"startTime":1381.546,"endTime":1384.549,"body":"Yeah, because I wasn't doing well"},{"startTime":1381.546,"endTime":1384.549,"body":"in first grade."},{"startTime":1385.117,"endTime":1386.318,"body":"Homework. I wasn't doing homework."},{"startTime":1386.318,"endTime":1389.421,"body":"I wasn't doing anything well, and"},{"startTime":1386.318,"endTime":1389.421,"body":"I just wasn't getting enough attention."},{"startTime":1389.654,"endTime":1393.525,"body":"So I think that I,"},{"startTime":1389.654,"endTime":1393.525,"body":"I was always in the smart math class,"},{"startTime":1393.525,"endTime":1395.761,"body":"which is ridiculous"},{"startTime":1393.525,"endTime":1395.761,"body":"because I'm awful at math."},{"startTime":1395.761,"endTime":1397.262,"body":"Norway's had horrible grades,"},{"startTime":1397.262,"endTime":1400.999,"body":"but I think because I was like, tall"},{"startTime":1397.262,"endTime":1400.999,"body":"and might have been confident,"},{"startTime":1401.266,"endTime":1404.269,"body":"I have no clue why I was ever"},{"startTime":1401.266,"endTime":1404.269,"body":"put into that."},{"startTime":1404.336,"endTime":1405.67,"body":"Whatever, because everything else maybe."},{"startTime":1405.67,"endTime":1407.639,"body":"But like I did not shine mathematically."},{"startTime":1407.639,"endTime":1411.643,"body":"I loved being in the low class"},{"startTime":1407.639,"endTime":1411.643,"body":"because that was like me, sort of"},{"startTime":1411.81,"endTime":1415.881,"body":"not necessarily a Lord of the Flies"},{"startTime":1411.81,"endTime":1415.881,"body":"situation, but I was definitely"},{"startTime":1415.881,"endTime":1418.884,"body":"I was sailing through it and I thought,"},{"startTime":1415.881,"endTime":1418.884,"body":"This is great."},{"startTime":1418.884,"endTime":1421.553,"body":"I have no homework, I love it here."},{"startTime":1421.553,"endTime":1423.889,"body":"And the kids"},{"startTime":1421.553,"endTime":1423.889,"body":"kind of looked up to me, right?"},{"startTime":1423.889,"endTime":1426.224,"body":"Yeah, I see. I think I needed that."},{"startTime":1426.224,"endTime":1431.263,"body":"Like, I was I was sinking in a sea"},{"startTime":1426.224,"endTime":1431.263,"body":"of all these overachievers."},{"startTime":1431.53,"endTime":1434.065,"body":"Like, that's what I mean."},{"startTime":1431.53,"endTime":1434.065,"body":"I needed to be the star."},{"startTime":1434.065,"endTime":1435.1,"body":"Because when I wasn't the star"},{"startTime":1435.1,"endTime":1438.103,"body":"in the math class,"},{"startTime":1435.1,"endTime":1438.103,"body":"I didn't give a fuck, so I wasn't trying."},{"startTime":1438.303,"endTime":1440.472,"body":"Well, I still blame my mom for that"},{"startTime":1438.303,"endTime":1440.472,"body":"because she told me"},{"startTime":1440.472,"endTime":1442.641,"body":"that one time she's rushing"},{"startTime":1440.472,"endTime":1442.641,"body":"and I had really curly hair."},{"startTime":1442.641,"endTime":1444.209,"body":"I had like an afro."},{"startTime":1444.209,"endTime":1445.377,"body":"Oh, that's cute."},{"startTime":1445.377,"endTime":1448.847,"body":"And she was rushing,"},{"startTime":1445.377,"endTime":1448.847,"body":"broke a comb in my hair"},{"startTime":1449.414,"endTime":1451.75,"body":"and just left it in the back"},{"startTime":1449.414,"endTime":1451.75,"body":"and I don't know."},{"startTime":1451.75,"endTime":1454.286,"body":"Yeah. And so, yeah, maybe it started."},{"startTime":1454.286,"endTime":1458.623,"body":"Maybe I started a trend"},{"startTime":1454.286,"endTime":1458.623,"body":"actually in the late seventies and"},{"startTime":1459.191,"endTime":1463.295,"body":"but they probably thought, well, she can't"},{"startTime":1459.191,"endTime":1463.295,"body":"because I can't even brush her hair."},{"startTime":1463.395,"endTime":1463.662,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1463.662,"endTime":1464.863,"body":"And she still can't even do"},{"startTime":1464.863,"endTime":1467.899,"body":"we're trying to put a pen and pencil"},{"startTime":1464.863,"endTime":1467.899,"body":"in her hair in her hand."},{"startTime":1467.999,"endTime":1471.369,"body":"It took me I but also"},{"startTime":1467.999,"endTime":1471.369,"body":"it took me forever to tell time."},{"startTime":1471.57,"endTime":1474.539,"body":"No, Laura, we are related. Okay?"},{"startTime":1474.539,"endTime":1476.608,"body":"This was the hardest thing for me."},{"startTime":1476.608,"endTime":1478.877,"body":"My fucking third grade teacher"},{"startTime":1476.608,"endTime":1478.877,"body":"and she's that."},{"startTime":1478.877,"endTime":1479.778,"body":"I'm glad of it."},{"startTime":1479.778,"endTime":1481.379,"body":"She on the way out."},{"startTime":1481.379,"endTime":1484.149,"body":"Third grade, right?"},{"startTime":1481.379,"endTime":1484.149,"body":"She gave me each kid a hug,"},{"startTime":1484.149,"endTime":1486.885,"body":"and the last thing she said was"},{"startTime":1484.149,"endTime":1486.885,"body":"she I'll never forget."},{"startTime":1486.885,"endTime":1489.988,"body":"She shook me by the shoulders"},{"startTime":1486.885,"endTime":1489.988,"body":"and she goes one time"},{"startTime":1490.489,"endTime":1494.125,"body":"because I could not understand"},{"startTime":1490.489,"endTime":1494.125,"body":"for the life of me that it wasn't"},{"startTime":1494.125,"endTime":1498.196,"body":"a hundred like an hour"},{"startTime":1494.125,"endTime":1498.196,"body":"was not the number 100, Right?"},{"startTime":1498.196,"endTime":1500.732,"body":"Because that was like the measure"},{"startTime":1498.196,"endTime":1500.732,"body":"for everything, right?"},{"startTime":1500.732,"endTime":1501.633,"body":"100 that I was in."},{"startTime":1501.633,"endTime":1504.336,"body":"Everything was in those, like,"},{"startTime":1501.633,"endTime":1504.336,"body":"increments of 100."},{"startTime":1504.336,"endTime":1507.906,"body":"So to stop at 60 made zero fucking sense."},{"startTime":1508.24,"endTime":1512.244,"body":"So even I will never forget there was the"},{"startTime":1508.24,"endTime":1512.244,"body":"like worksheet with all the clocks"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1512.777,"endTime":1516.014,"body":"00,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1512.777,"endTime":1516.014,"body":"put it on the right show"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1516.014,"endTime":1519.017,"body":"where the hands are all kinds of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1516.014,"endTime":1519.017,"body":"and I would just leave them blank"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1519.017,"endTime":1521.453,"body":"because there was no 100,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1521.453,"endTime":1523.955,"body":"you know, and I just thought they were all"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1521.453,"endTime":1523.955,"body":"trick questions or something like that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1523.955,"endTime":1525.957,"body":"I couldn't"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1523.955,"endTime":1525.957,"body":"I thought it was a game or something."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1525.957,"endTime":1528.159,"body":"I never could tell time that was a block."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1528.159,"endTime":1529.794,"body":"I always suspected it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1529.794,"endTime":1531.53,"body":"And then I went to a psychiatrist"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1531.53,"endTime":1534.533,"body":"and he said, Yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1531.53,"endTime":1534.533,"body":"you have attention deficit disorder."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1534.799,"endTime":1537.269,"body":"But then I just"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1534.799,"endTime":1537.269,"body":"that I kind of wish I didn't know that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1537.269,"endTime":1539.07,"body":"because now"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1537.269,"endTime":1539.07,"body":"it's like an excuse to be rude."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1542.04,"endTime":1543.241,"body":"Okay, maybe I do want this."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1543.241,"endTime":1547.712,"body":"I want to all pass"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1543.241,"endTime":1547.712,"body":"like I want a clearance on that because."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1547.712,"endTime":1549.247,"body":"Okay, I need to go to a psychiatrist."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1549.247,"endTime":1551.75,"body":"That's who diagnoses you or therapist."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1551.75,"endTime":1554.219,"body":"I notice this. The older"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1551.75,"endTime":1554.219,"body":"I get, the more people ask if I'm in."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1554.219,"endTime":1557.155,"body":"Therapy was not a normal question."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1557.155,"endTime":1558.957,"body":"And now it is a normal question."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1558.957,"endTime":1561.259,"body":"So like a"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1558.957,"endTime":1561.259,"body":"now I'm. Yes, I'm getting referrals."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1561.259,"endTime":1562.26,"body":"Thank you very much."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1562.26,"endTime":1564.095,"body":"But yeah, I would love a diagnosis."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1564.095,"endTime":1564.563,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1564.563,"endTime":1566.097,"body":"I think they would answer questions,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1564.563,"endTime":1566.097,"body":"but I do"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1566.097,"endTime":1568.5,"body":"think that there is like a privilege"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1566.097,"endTime":1568.5,"body":"you get"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1568.5,"endTime":1571.736,"body":"when you find you're like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1568.5,"endTime":1571.736,"body":"Oh, that's why I am the way I am."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1571.736,"endTime":1574.372,"body":"Right? An excuse not to change."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1574.372,"endTime":1575.407,"body":"Sure. Yeah. Okay."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1575.407,"endTime":1576.575,"body":"So that is one of the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1576.575,"endTime":1579.444,"body":"one of my favorite lines"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1576.575,"endTime":1579.444,"body":"about not being in therapy is like, Well,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1579.444,"endTime":1580.679,"body":"I'm a fucking narcissist."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1580.679,"endTime":1583.949,"body":"So like, I the all I'm all I think about."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1583.949,"endTime":1586.918,"body":"So yeah, I'm reflective all the time."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1586.918,"endTime":1588.92,"body":"I'm evaluative and analytical of myself."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1588.92,"endTime":1592.324,"body":"All the fact that I love to give advice,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1588.92,"endTime":1592.324,"body":"even if it's bad."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1592.524,"endTime":1595.527,"body":"Hey, what's the by the way,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1592.524,"endTime":1595.527,"body":"what's the worst and the best?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1595.527,"endTime":1598.797,"body":"Or if you have worst and best advice"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1595.527,"endTime":1598.797,"body":"you've been given as a standup"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1598.964,"endTime":1600.065,"body":"in real life?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1600.065,"endTime":1604.069,"body":"I don't think a standup has ever"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1600.065,"endTime":1604.069,"body":"actually given me like, advice."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1604.069,"endTime":1607.339,"body":"Advice that direct comedy so competitive."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1607.372,"endTime":1611.142,"body":"Yeah, but my two friends, Ralphie"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1607.372,"endTime":1611.142,"body":"and Mike, they're gay guys down in Austin."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1611.209,"endTime":1612.611,"body":"One's a comic, one's a performer"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1612.611,"endTime":1615.213,"body":"and a producer and a writer,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1612.611,"endTime":1615.213,"body":"but he's not a standup."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1615.213,"endTime":1619.15,"body":"Both of them separately"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1615.213,"endTime":1619.15,"body":"are the ones who told me to start standup."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1619.184,"endTime":1619.918,"body":"Oh, great."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1619.918,"endTime":1621.119,"body":"And so I think that was probably,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1621.119,"endTime":1624.222,"body":"I mean, obviously the best advice, but"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1621.119,"endTime":1624.222,"body":"because they were performers and comedians"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1624.222,"endTime":1627.325,"body":"and I know how competitive"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1624.222,"endTime":1627.325,"body":"and kind of non-inclusive that is."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1627.926,"endTime":1629.594,"body":"So, yeah, I would say that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1629.594,"endTime":1632.897,"body":"Slash, there's this brilliant Phyllis"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1629.594,"endTime":1632.897,"body":"Diller interview with Roseanne where"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1632.897,"endTime":1635.467,"body":"Phyllis Diller says, some old comic"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1632.897,"endTime":1635.467,"body":"I forget the name, talked"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1635.467,"endTime":1637.569,"body":"about how to introduce yourself"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1635.467,"endTime":1637.569,"body":"to an audience, Right."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1637.569,"endTime":1640.372,"body":"Which you will forever"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1637.569,"endTime":1640.372,"body":"doing as a new comic. Right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1640.372,"endTime":1641.873,"body":"Until you get to a certain point,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1641.873,"endTime":1644.876,"body":"you're always having to introduce yourself"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1641.873,"endTime":1644.876,"body":"for years."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1645.01,"endTime":1648.747,"body":"And the advice"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1645.01,"endTime":1648.747,"body":"was, tell five hot jokes and keep going,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1649.781,"endTime":1652.283,"body":"which is that's a formula."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1652.283,"endTime":1653.985,"body":"Yeah, it totally works."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1653.985,"endTime":1656.421,"body":"And so that is what I've done"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1653.985,"endTime":1656.421,"body":"since day one."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1656.421,"endTime":1659.09,"body":"But I was lucky enough"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1656.421,"endTime":1659.09,"body":"to meet Phyllis Diller through this"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1659.09,"endTime":1660.859,"body":"friend of mine, Henriette, Phyllis one."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1660.859,"endTime":1664.596,"body":"It was her 92nd birthday, and she just"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1660.859,"endTime":1664.596,"body":"wanted to have like a few female comics."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1664.629,"endTime":1665.63,"body":"Unreal."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1665.63,"endTime":1670.969,"body":"So my friend Henriette Mantel and a few"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1665.63,"endTime":1670.969,"body":"other female writer comics who I'm you."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1671.002,"endTime":1673.738,"body":"No, I actually didn't know who they were."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1673.738,"endTime":1675.74,"body":"This was at her house. Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1675.74,"endTime":1676.207,"body":"Where was she?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1676.207,"endTime":1677.075,"body":"Was she in the hills?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1677.075,"endTime":1679.644,"body":"No, she's more like she was Brentwood."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1679.644,"endTime":1683.515,"body":"There was a huge painting of Bob"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1679.644,"endTime":1683.515,"body":"Hope when you walked in."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1683.515,"endTime":1684.849,"body":"Oh, my God. Are you serious?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1684.849,"endTime":1686.851,"body":"But she did. No, no, no."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1686.851,"endTime":1689.754,"body":"Like a professional was on an easel"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1686.851,"endTime":1689.754,"body":"because that was the love of her life."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1689.754,"endTime":1692.157,"body":"Right? And."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1692.157,"endTime":1695.827,"body":"And anyway, worth thing,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1692.157,"endTime":1695.827,"body":"we all had drinks, martinis."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1695.827,"endTime":1697.562,"body":"What does she drink? I'm so nosy, so."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1697.562,"endTime":1701.633,"body":"Oh, no, we had martinis,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1697.562,"endTime":1701.633,"body":"and she had a butler"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1701.933,"endTime":1704.836,"body":"bringing out martinis on the silver tray."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1704.836,"endTime":1706.371,"body":"And I was like, this. I'm in heaven."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1706.371,"endTime":1708.74,"body":"Yes. And oh, I'm so jealous."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1708.74,"endTime":1709.674,"body":"We all had martinis."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1709.674,"endTime":1712.31,"body":"We toasted,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1709.674,"endTime":1712.31,"body":"you know, we sang Happy Birthday,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1712.31,"endTime":1715.246,"body":"and I remember that and many more."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1715.246,"endTime":1716.147,"body":"And she said, No,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1719.15,"endTime":1720.251,"body":"not many more."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1720.251,"endTime":1722.42,"body":"She was real about wanting to die."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1722.42,"endTime":1723.855,"body":"She's so damn funny."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1723.855,"endTime":1727.292,"body":"There's an interview where she was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1723.855,"endTime":1727.292,"body":"I'm when it's done, it's done."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1727.292,"endTime":1729.928,"body":"And I think she talked about"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1727.292,"endTime":1729.928,"body":"how her family was not okay with that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1729.928,"endTime":1731.129,"body":"She's like, I'm ready."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1731.129,"endTime":1734.599,"body":"She's like, she had, I think, do"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1731.129,"endTime":1734.599,"body":"not resuscitate like there's an interview."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1734.599,"endTime":1736.201,"body":"I forget where where"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1734.599,"endTime":1736.201,"body":"she's very clear about."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1736.201,"endTime":1737.502,"body":"I had a great time."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1737.502,"endTime":1740.338,"body":"I'm on golden time call it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1740.338,"endTime":1743.141,"body":"Oh, which I love. Yeah, I think so."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1743.141,"endTime":1743.608,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1743.608,"endTime":1745.677,"body":"I think being that close to 100,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1745.677,"endTime":1749.647,"body":"you've people feel like kind of push"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1745.677,"endTime":1749.647,"body":"the gusto of making it that far on you."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1749.647,"endTime":1750.081,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1750.081,"endTime":1753.051,"body":"And I'm sure at that point, like her,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1750.081,"endTime":1753.051,"body":"she's like, fucking fucking no."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1753.051,"endTime":1755.019,"body":"Yeah. Like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1753.051,"endTime":1755.019,"body":"leave me alone. Yeah, I've been pushed."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1755.019,"endTime":1756.054,"body":"I've been poured out enough."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1756.054,"endTime":1758.256,"body":"You were friends with Phyllis Diller?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1758.256,"endTime":1761.259,"body":"Oh, no. I mean, I just met her."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1758.256,"endTime":1761.259,"body":"I mean, my."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1761.459,"endTime":1762.293,"body":"That counts."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1762.293,"endTime":1762.66,"body":"Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1762.66,"endTime":1764.429,"body":"And I, I it was funny."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1764.429,"endTime":1767.098,"body":"Well, she's just, like, was so quick to."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1767.098,"endTime":1771.736,"body":"I drove there and was doing everything"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1767.098,"endTime":1771.736,"body":"but drive when I'm in the car."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1771.803,"endTime":1773.037,"body":"Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1773.037,"endTime":1774.339,"body":"Oh, it was so crazy."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1774.339,"endTime":1779.41,"body":"I was opening this box in the car"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1774.339,"endTime":1779.41,"body":"on the way there with like a box opener"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1779.41,"endTime":1782.413,"body":"or something that I had in the car,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1779.41,"endTime":1782.413,"body":"you know, a sharp thing I cut myself."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1782.714,"endTime":1786.518,"body":"So I'm standing at the door"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1782.714,"endTime":1786.518,"body":"and my hand is bloody."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1786.618,"endTime":1788.987,"body":"Her doesn't have anything to do with it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1788.987,"endTime":1792.123,"body":"And then she actually answered the door"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1788.987,"endTime":1792.123,"body":"and she said"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1792.29,"endTime":1795.293,"body":"and saw that my hand"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1792.29,"endTime":1795.293,"body":"was like bleeding down to my elbow."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1795.393,"endTime":1798.63,"body":"And she said, Oh, Henriette,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1795.393,"endTime":1798.63,"body":"I think one of your friends is here."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1799.798,"endTime":1801.666,"body":"So it's you"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1799.798,"endTime":1801.666,"body":"and I think it's one of your friends area."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1801.666,"endTime":1805.37,"body":"And and that was"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1801.666,"endTime":1805.37,"body":"I was having Henry at bloody versus"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1805.37,"endTime":1808.273,"body":"the stranger who's at the door"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1805.37,"endTime":1808.273,"body":"with a bloody hand."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1808.273,"endTime":1809.34,"body":"Love it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1809.34,"endTime":1810.608,"body":"That's really special. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1810.608,"endTime":1814.979,"body":"And then another one of Phyllis's friends"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1810.608,"endTime":1814.979,"body":"who also I think was kind of her"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1814.979,"endTime":1816.848,"body":"character taker. She was a nurse."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1816.848,"endTime":1819.784,"body":"She took me around to the bathroom"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1816.848,"endTime":1819.784,"body":"and and took care of, Oh,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1819.784,"endTime":1821.519,"body":"my God, have a hundred million questions"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1819.784,"endTime":1821.519,"body":"asked."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1821.519,"endTime":1823.555,"body":"She had a night"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1821.519,"endTime":1823.555,"body":"like a really fine house, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1823.555,"endTime":1825.089,"body":"Like a very nicely furnished."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1825.089,"endTime":1827.458,"body":"Yeah, she was, because she was very"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1827.458,"endTime":1829.294,"body":"she's a lot more stylish than I think"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1827.458,"endTime":1829.294,"body":"people give her credit for"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1829.294,"endTime":1832.297,"body":"because she was so strange"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1829.294,"endTime":1832.297,"body":"looking on stage, intentionally so."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1832.33,"endTime":1834.365,"body":"Right. The wig and everything."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1832.33,"endTime":1834.365,"body":"Like she did that on purpose."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1834.365,"endTime":1837.268,"body":"But like, she's very chic"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1834.365,"endTime":1837.268,"body":"and very pretty in real life."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1837.268,"endTime":1841.84,"body":"And so, yeah, Phyllis said that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1837.268,"endTime":1841.84,"body":"at the funeral, at Bob Hope's funeral,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1841.84,"endTime":1846.644,"body":"she tried to befriend Dolores kind of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1841.84,"endTime":1846.644,"body":"or just say something."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1846.945,"endTime":1849.48,"body":"And Dolores was like, not having it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1849.48,"endTime":1851.015,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1851.015,"endTime":1853.351,"body":"She said something like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1851.015,"endTime":1853.351,"body":"No, I'd rather not."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1853.351,"endTime":1853.718,"body":"She was."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1853.718,"endTime":1857.822,"body":"Or was I wonder, was Phyllis like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1853.718,"endTime":1857.822,"body":"always like, was the other woman"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1857.989,"endTime":1858.923,"body":"in, like, Bob's life"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1858.923,"endTime":1861.96,"body":"as opposed to just the many other"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1858.923,"endTime":1861.96,"body":"whatevers that Barbara had going on?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1861.96,"endTime":1863.695,"body":"Yeah. Fascinating."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1863.695,"endTime":1866.431,"body":"Well, because people forget that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1863.695,"endTime":1866.431,"body":"he was like, it was Bob and Bing Crosby,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1866.431,"endTime":1869.5,"body":"for Christ's sake,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1866.431,"endTime":1869.5,"body":"being comedy giants for a second."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1869.5,"endTime":1872.67,"body":"I mean, it's 100,000 years ago,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1869.5,"endTime":1872.67,"body":"but they were like kings of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1873.238,"endTime":1875.406,"body":"funny, attractive men."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1875.406,"endTime":1875.74,"body":"I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1875.74,"endTime":1879.544,"body":"And what amazes me is like that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1875.74,"endTime":1879.544,"body":"Bing Crosby"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1879.544,"endTime":1882.747,"body":"was kind of known for like for Christmas"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1879.544,"endTime":1882.747,"body":"albums and stuff, but he beat his kids."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1882.914,"endTime":1885.45,"body":"Oh, he was really a monster, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1882.914,"endTime":1885.45,"body":"Yeah, a total monster."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1885.45,"endTime":1886.618,"body":"I think he beat his wives, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1886.618,"endTime":1888.72,"body":"And so, yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1886.618,"endTime":1888.72,"body":"I don't think he's a nice person."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1888.72,"endTime":1891.222,"body":"Yeah. I think even, like, he'd, like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1888.72,"endTime":1891.222,"body":"died on the golf course or something."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1891.222,"endTime":1891.689,"body":"But I don't."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1891.689,"endTime":1895.493,"body":"I think the stories he's going back a mean"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1891.689,"endTime":1895.493,"body":"to the caddy that there's shit Yeah yeah"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1899.764,"endTime":1902.233,"body":"I'm only going out to"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1899.764,"endTime":1902.233,"body":"shows and that's the people I see so it's"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1902.233,"endTime":1905.87,"body":"usually comics and there's a weird way"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1902.233,"endTime":1905.87,"body":"of making friends with them."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1905.87,"endTime":1907.171,"body":"It doesn't feel like they're your friends."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1907.171,"endTime":1909.474,"body":"It's like a colleague exchange. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1909.474,"endTime":1911.476,"body":"And then that when your car breaks down,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1909.474,"endTime":1911.476,"body":"you can't calling it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1911.476,"endTime":1912.977,"body":"those people for help,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1912.977,"endTime":1915.513,"body":"and then they're going to use it on stage"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1912.977,"endTime":1915.513,"body":"that your fucking car broke down."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1915.513,"endTime":1918.316,"body":"They left"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1915.513,"endTime":1918.316,"body":"you stranded like so that's my dilemma."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1918.316,"endTime":1920.251,"body":"And like adulthood. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1920.251,"endTime":1923.354,"body":"Or at least in L.A is like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1920.251,"endTime":1923.354,"body":"because then I'm just chatting up"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1923.354,"endTime":1926.457,"body":"the CVS cashier and they're like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1923.354,"endTime":1926.457,"body":"get the fuck away from."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1927.825,"endTime":1928.66,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1928.66,"endTime":1931.663,"body":"Well, this is like a classic"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1928.66,"endTime":1931.663,"body":"what we thought would have a moment."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1931.663,"endTime":1937.402,"body":"I was doing standup for the first time"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1931.663,"endTime":1937.402,"body":"at Catch a Rising Star in Manhattan"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1937.702,"endTime":1940.672,"body":"and I was at the bar"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1940.672,"endTime":1944.642,"body":"getting ready to go in,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1940.672,"endTime":1944.642,"body":"you know, to the main room to do a set."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1944.809,"endTime":1946.277,"body":"And it was basically an audition."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1946.277,"endTime":1948.746,"body":"But I remember standing there"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1946.277,"endTime":1948.746,"body":"and seeing all these eight"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1948.746,"endTime":1954.585,"body":"by tens of famous comics like Louie"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1948.746,"endTime":1954.585,"body":"Anderson and Richard Pryor and George"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1954.585,"endTime":1959.991,"body":"Carlin and Freddie Prinze, and thinking"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1954.585,"endTime":1959.991,"body":"to myself, Better get used to it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1959.991,"endTime":1962.961,"body":"I'm going to be there, too, on that wall"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1959.991,"endTime":1962.961,"body":"with my button."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1962.961,"endTime":1963.328,"body":"Anyway."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1963.328,"endTime":1966.597,"body":"So when I finally got called"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1963.328,"endTime":1966.597,"body":"into the room,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1966.798,"endTime":1970.635,"body":"there's probably been about four comics,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1966.798,"endTime":1970.635,"body":"and it was a weekend night,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1970.635,"endTime":1974.238,"body":"which you should never have auditions"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1970.635,"endTime":1974.238,"body":"on a weekend night, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1974.238,"endTime":1976.274,"body":"Yeah, because it's just too crazy."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1976.274,"endTime":1979.911,"body":"And everybody was smoking and drunk"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1976.274,"endTime":1979.911,"body":"and I was about to go on"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1979.911,"endTime":1983.581,"body":"and the club manager, Booker"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1979.911,"endTime":1983.581,"body":"said, it's going to be another minute."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1983.815,"endTime":1985.149,"body":"We do have a drop in guest."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1985.149,"endTime":1987.585,"body":"And I said, Okay."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1985.149,"endTime":1987.585,"body":"And it was Jerry Seinfeld."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1987.585,"endTime":1989.187,"body":"He went on for 25 minutes."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1989.187,"endTime":1991.255,"body":"Why would they do that?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1991.255,"endTime":1994.258,"body":"Don't they see plucky Laura Kightlinger"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1991.255,"endTime":1994.258,"body":"sitting right there"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1994.425,"endTime":1995.96,"body":"and they know what they're doing?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1995.96,"endTime":1998.296,"body":"Wait a second. Comics are narcissists."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1998.296,"endTime":2000.665,"body":"You're saying they don't give a shit"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":1998.296,"endTime":2000.665,"body":"about anybody about themselves."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2000.665,"endTime":2002.7,"body":"Do you remember who was after you?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2002.7,"endTime":2005.503,"body":"No, but I was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2002.7,"endTime":2005.503,"body":"I wound up being like the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2005.503,"endTime":2010.074,"body":"I went out right after Jerry"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2005.503,"endTime":2010.074,"body":"Seinfeld and Phil, What were you thinking?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2010.108,"endTime":2010.775,"body":"Oh, it's terrible."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2010.775,"endTime":2014.512,"body":"I think at the moment I was thinking,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2010.775,"endTime":2014.512,"body":"well, he's really,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2014.512,"endTime":2018.316,"body":"like, livened up this crowd"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2014.512,"endTime":2018.316,"body":"that you love me now is another one."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2018.316,"endTime":2020.518,"body":"Oh, and then I went on an eight it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2020.518,"endTime":2022.253,"body":"Yeah, four, five."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2022.253,"endTime":2025.056,"body":"But when you went on stage you're like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2022.253,"endTime":2025.056,"body":"I got them. This is mine."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2025.056,"endTime":2025.857,"body":"This is going to be great."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2025.857,"endTime":2026.057,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2026.057,"endTime":2027.091,"body":"I mean, I'm still nervous,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2027.091,"endTime":2030.995,"body":"but I just thought, okay, now they're"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2027.091,"endTime":2030.995,"body":"this is going to be easy primed."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2030.995,"endTime":2033.865,"body":"And I got heckled like this"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2030.995,"endTime":2033.865,"body":"weird heckles, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2033.865,"endTime":2037.235,"body":"It was all this smoke"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2033.865,"endTime":2037.235,"body":"and it being heckled as Who are you?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2037.235,"endTime":2039.771,"body":"Are you are"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2037.235,"endTime":2039.771,"body":"you David Letterman's girlfriend?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2039.771,"endTime":2040.738,"body":"Why are you here?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2040.738,"endTime":2044.675,"body":"And this, you know, all my"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2040.738,"endTime":2044.675,"body":"my great comeback was no, you know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2046.277,"endTime":2047.545,"body":"but why wouldn't"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2047.545,"endTime":2050.681,"body":"they like also, why wouldn't the audience"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2047.545,"endTime":2050.681,"body":"give you a chance?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2050.681,"endTime":2054.819,"body":"Like, clearly it's hard to recover"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2050.681,"endTime":2054.819,"body":"from someone doing 25 minutes."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2054.819,"endTime":2056.788,"body":"I mean, how long? What?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2054.819,"endTime":2056.788,"body":"You're supposed to be 5 minutes, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2056.788,"endTime":2057.889,"body":"Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2057.889,"endTime":2061.025,"body":"I think they were still kind of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2057.889,"endTime":2061.025,"body":"getting over him."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2061.025,"endTime":2063.995,"body":"They gave me a little bit of a chance."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2061.025,"endTime":2063.995,"body":"Like they're to some."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2063.995,"endTime":2064.962,"body":"How long were you on set?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2064.962,"endTime":2066.964,"body":"I had timed out a ten minute set,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2066.964,"endTime":2069.967,"body":"and then when I was up there,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2066.964,"endTime":2069.967,"body":"it turned out to be 4 minutes."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2069.967,"endTime":2073.805,"body":"I was going to say, At what point did you"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2069.967,"endTime":2073.805,"body":"were you like, Oh, shit, they hate me."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2073.805,"endTime":2074.639,"body":"And this is not."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2074.639,"endTime":2077.241,"body":"Yeah, well, they happen to have hecklers."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2077.241,"endTime":2079.944,"body":"And I didn't really know what to do"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2077.241,"endTime":2079.944,"body":"with hecklers."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2079.944,"endTime":2082.613,"body":"And then, you know, well, it's so hard to"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2079.944,"endTime":2082.613,"body":"this is like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2082.613,"endTime":2085.95,"body":"I don't think people realize hard"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2082.613,"endTime":2085.95,"body":"it is to reset the room or after like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2086.184,"endTime":2089.52,"body":"I mean I like Jerry Seinfeld"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2086.184,"endTime":2089.52,"body":"was a big name and stuff like that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2089.52,"endTime":2090.288,"body":"And so at that point, even"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2090.288,"endTime":2095.259,"body":"just the time to 25 fucking minutes"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2090.288,"endTime":2095.259,"body":"and be like, okay, everybody look at me."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2095.259,"endTime":2097.728,"body":"Like, here"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2095.259,"endTime":2097.728,"body":"I am. And they have no clue who you are."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2097.728,"endTime":2098.463,"body":"I mean, like that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2098.463,"endTime":2100.898,"body":"But like, yeah, yeah, it's uphill. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2098.463,"endTime":2100.898,"body":"yeah, sure."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2100.898,"endTime":2104.802,"body":"But you are on that wall now though,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2100.898,"endTime":2104.802,"body":"and you are with all those people."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2104.802,"endTime":2106.537,"body":"Well, maybe not to catch a rising star,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2106.537,"endTime":2108.873,"body":"but you are in the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2106.537,"endTime":2108.873,"body":"in the law, in the legend."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2108.873,"endTime":2112.343,"body":"You're, you're when you did hags"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2108.873,"endTime":2112.343,"body":"we were all, all the comics at the back"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2112.343,"endTime":2114.745,"body":"which was in all was stacked at the back"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2112.343,"endTime":2114.745,"body":"just like watching you"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2114.745,"endTime":2116.914,"body":"like that's how it's done"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2114.745,"endTime":2116.914,"body":"like the whole time."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2116.914,"endTime":2118.082,"body":"Oh, that's sweet."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2118.082,"endTime":2119.05,"body":"So it was similarly,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2119.05,"endTime":2121.552,"body":"there's a small club in Austin,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2119.05,"endTime":2121.552,"body":"not the club, but a smaller one,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2121.552,"endTime":2123.888,"body":"and there's just a rent,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2121.552,"endTime":2123.888,"body":"like a shitty little open mic on Thursday."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2123.888,"endTime":2126.39,"body":"A great place to just try time"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2123.888,"endTime":2126.39,"body":"and one night."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2126.39,"endTime":2129.56,"body":"Not that this is a big deal,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2126.39,"endTime":2129.56,"body":"but in a small town like Jeff Ross"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2129.56,"endTime":2133.364,"body":"showed up, but he comes into this open"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2129.56,"endTime":2133.364,"body":"mic, everyone's all abuzz"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2133.798,"endTime":2134.665,"body":"and then he goes,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2134.665,"endTime":2137.835,"body":"I'm telling you, everyone's been 4 minutes"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2134.665,"endTime":2137.835,"body":"and it's that shit bottom of the barrel."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2137.835,"endTime":2139.537,"body":"Like I'm there to know he's doing good."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2139.537,"endTime":2141.672,"body":"He does like 32 off."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2141.672,"endTime":2144.876,"body":"And then of course, there's 14 more of us"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2141.672,"endTime":2144.876,"body":"or we're going up to do our crap"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2144.876,"endTime":2147.912,"body":"for minutes,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2144.876,"endTime":2147.912,"body":"you know, try to salvage our dignity."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2148.646,"endTime":2151.649,"body":"And I disagree with of course, he's"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2148.646,"endTime":2151.649,"body":"killing me because he's a movie star"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2151.716,"endTime":2154.652,"body":"surrounded by compare"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2151.716,"endTime":2154.652,"body":"the relatively speaking, I saw everything."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2154.652,"endTime":2157.455,"body":"I was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2154.652,"endTime":2157.455,"body":"what a fucking nuts ego on this person"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2157.455,"endTime":2160.324,"body":"to try to kill it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2157.455,"endTime":2160.324,"body":"in this room of all places. Wow."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2160.324,"endTime":2161.726,"body":"So what a weird stroke."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2161.726,"endTime":2166.264,"body":"You knew a lot about stand up at that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2161.726,"endTime":2166.264,"body":"point to know that that that wasn't cool."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2166.297,"endTime":2170.902,"body":"I just knew because I had already done"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2166.297,"endTime":2170.902,"body":"my bit, so I felt off the hook."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2170.902,"endTime":2172.303,"body":"And I remember seeing my"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2172.303,"endTime":2174.805,"body":"who are like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2172.303,"endTime":2174.805,"body":"next on the list and being like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2174.805,"endTime":2176.274,"body":"I can't believe"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2174.805,"endTime":2176.274,"body":"I have to sit through this."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2176.274,"endTime":2177.842,"body":"I would hate to be sitting through this."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2177.842,"endTime":2181.412,"body":"I also had just heard"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2177.842,"endTime":2181.412,"body":"Jeff Ross has a really good story"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2181.479,"endTime":2184.615,"body":"on Stern about his first roast,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2181.479,"endTime":2184.615,"body":"first for our club's roast."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2184.615,"endTime":2188.186,"body":"Milton Berle and Don Rickles are there"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2184.615,"endTime":2188.186,"body":"When Jeff Ross is finally up doing"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2188.186,"endTime":2191.589,"body":"that, Milton Berle is sticking his finger"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2188.186,"endTime":2191.589,"body":"in Jeff Ross's ribs."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2191.689,"endTime":2193.224,"body":"Weird, which is super weird."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2193.224,"endTime":2193.491,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2193.491,"endTime":2195.626,"body":"And he's just like poking him into"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2193.491,"endTime":2195.626,"body":"Finally,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2195.626,"endTime":2197.762,"body":"he feels like he has to address me,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2195.626,"endTime":2197.762,"body":"like Milton, What the fuck?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2197.762,"endTime":2200.631,"body":"And then Don Rickles interrupts and says,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2197.762,"endTime":2200.631,"body":"Milton, let the kid work."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2200.631,"endTime":2201.499,"body":"You remember what that is?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2201.499,"endTime":2205.636,"body":"Work, you know, or something like that,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2201.499,"endTime":2205.636,"body":"and just kind of gives him back the power."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2206.137,"endTime":2209.173,"body":"So I actually was trying to talk to Jeff"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2206.137,"endTime":2209.173,"body":"Ross about that moment and be like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2209.173,"endTime":2211.175,"body":"I think it's crazy."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2209.173,"endTime":2211.175,"body":"You got to work with Milton Berle."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2211.175,"endTime":2212.777,"body":"Nobody knows who that is. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2212.777,"endTime":2214.979,"body":"And then he went up on hog up"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2212.777,"endTime":2214.979,"body":"everybody's mind."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2214.979,"endTime":2220.117,"body":"I'm like, Fuck, I wish I hadn't tried"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2214.979,"endTime":2220.117,"body":"to cheese your dick for a second, dude."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2220.117,"endTime":2220.651,"body":"Sorry."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2223.287,"endTime":2226.29,"body":"I feel like it's just"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2223.287,"endTime":2226.29,"body":"because I've been around so many comics"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2226.357,"endTime":2230.394,"body":"when there are still, you know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2226.357,"endTime":2230.394,"body":"just good kids and we're all, like, trying"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2230.761,"endTime":2234.098,"body":"and then seeing them,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2230.761,"endTime":2234.098,"body":"you know, become assholes."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2234.131,"endTime":2235.433,"body":"Most everybody, you know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2235.433,"endTime":2238.603,"body":"like when they get a little bit of fame"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2235.433,"endTime":2238.603,"body":"or a lot of fame and it's just like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2238.836,"endTime":2243.14,"body":"Wow, yeah, I it's not that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2238.836,"endTime":2243.14,"body":"I don't want it for myself."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2243.174,"endTime":2244.575,"body":"Same, of course"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2244.575,"endTime":2247.311,"body":"I want the big guys looking at the ocean,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2244.575,"endTime":2247.311,"body":"but it would be nice on the way"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2247.311,"endTime":2248.546,"body":"there sort of a thing. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2248.546,"endTime":2250.414,"body":"And I've never been in the game that long."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2250.414,"endTime":2252.216,"body":"But it is interesting"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2250.414,"endTime":2252.216,"body":"once you start seeing people"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2252.216,"endTime":2255.953,"body":"from that trajectory, from like the seed"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2252.216,"endTime":2255.953,"body":"to whatever people bounce around to."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2255.987,"endTime":2258.489,"body":"Yeah, because it is sort of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2255.987,"endTime":2258.489,"body":"like what you look like."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2258.489,"endTime":2260.424,"body":"You don't get to pick"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2258.489,"endTime":2260.424,"body":"what's going to happen."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2260.424,"endTime":2264.228,"body":"Yeah, but at least in this game"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2260.424,"endTime":2264.228,"body":"as the lesson I'm learning really fast,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2264.228,"endTime":2268.032,"body":"it's like you can have a plan or a goal,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2268.399,"endTime":2271.335,"body":"but you're going to have"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2268.399,"endTime":2271.335,"body":"a really fucked up way of getting there."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2271.335,"endTime":2274.272,"body":"Like there's nothing about it that you're"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2271.335,"endTime":2274.272,"body":"ever going to anticipate, Right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2274.272,"endTime":2276.607,"body":"It's interesting. I think about"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2274.272,"endTime":2276.607,"body":"I've only been in a way for five years."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2276.607,"endTime":2278.276,"body":"I've been doing that for ten years."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2278.276,"endTime":2279.41,"body":"I'm like, I see a picture of me."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2279.41,"endTime":2281.178,"body":"Then I'm like, That's,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2279.41,"endTime":2281.178,"body":"look at that shithead."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2281.178,"endTime":2283.314,"body":"He has no idea what he thinks he's doing."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2283.314,"endTime":2286.217,"body":"He thinks he knows what he's doing, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2286.217,"endTime":2289.654,"body":"Yeah, I'm from Fort Worth, Texas,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2286.217,"endTime":2289.654,"body":"and then Austin, Texas. So."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2289.787,"endTime":2292.69,"body":"Yeah, the birthplace of evangelism, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2292.69,"endTime":2295.326,"body":"I watch the church"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2292.69,"endTime":2295.326,"body":"all the time. Jimmy Swaggart channel."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2295.326,"endTime":2296.294,"body":"The church channels."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2296.294,"endTime":2297.495,"body":"Oh, wow. Okay."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2297.495,"endTime":2300.231,"body":"Jimmy Swaggart is a piano player, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2300.231,"endTime":2301.299,"body":"And he's really talented."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2301.299,"endTime":2305.236,"body":"He's he and his cousin, Jerry Lee Lewis"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2301.299,"endTime":2305.236,"body":"were brought up and taught the thing."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2305.403,"endTime":2306.237,"body":"Anyway, he has a booze"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2306.237,"endTime":2308.572,"body":"and drove a grand piano on his stage"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2306.237,"endTime":2308.572,"body":"in Baton Rouge, Louisiana,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2308.572,"endTime":2311.942,"body":"where he asked his church members"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2308.572,"endTime":2311.942,"body":"to tither and abuse it over."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2311.942,"endTime":2313.477,"body":"Piano costs $300,000"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2314.645,"endTime":2317.715,"body":"is a it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2314.645,"endTime":2317.715,"body":"is a house that he plays for piano."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2317.715,"endTime":2320.718,"body":"It's like, wow, I mean, Baton Rouge,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2317.715,"endTime":2320.718,"body":"that's like 40 houses."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2320.851,"endTime":2323.821,"body":"When I was eight,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2320.851,"endTime":2323.821,"body":"I started taking piano lessons"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2323.821,"endTime":2326.824,"body":"and the teacher was married to a minister"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2326.857,"endTime":2331.295,"body":"and I had taken piano lessons from 8 to 16"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2326.857,"endTime":2331.295,"body":"and still I'm not good at it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2331.629,"endTime":2335.933,"body":"But anyway, she would make me pray,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2331.629,"endTime":2335.933,"body":"like get on my knees"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2335.933,"endTime":2340.471,"body":"and put my elbows on the piano bench"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2335.933,"endTime":2340.471,"body":"and pray with her, you know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2340.471,"endTime":2341.806,"body":"And she was. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2341.806,"endTime":2343.708,"body":"And then for the lesson, no after."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2343.708,"endTime":2346.711,"body":"And then she because I suck so hard."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2347.678,"endTime":2351.349,"body":"Pray that you have some other talent"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2347.678,"endTime":2351.349,"body":"and now you get,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2352.45,"endTime":2354.485,"body":"you know, to take,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2352.45,"endTime":2354.485,"body":"you know, to accept Jesus."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2354.485,"endTime":2356.587,"body":"And then she give me the watchtower."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2356.587,"endTime":2361.058,"body":"And I think from like 8 to 10 or so,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2356.587,"endTime":2361.058,"body":"I felt really bad."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2361.058,"endTime":2363.761,"body":"Like, yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2361.058,"endTime":2363.761,"body":"I would like to believe I want to."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2363.761,"endTime":2367.231,"body":"And then I'd ask my mom to go to church"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2363.761,"endTime":2367.231,"body":"because Mrs."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2367.231,"endTime":2371.168,"body":"Roman kept asking me to go"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2367.231,"endTime":2371.168,"body":"and she sounded very piano."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2371.168,"endTime":2371.736,"body":"Teacher Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2371.736,"endTime":2375.106,"body":"And she, I think she wanted my mom to go"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2371.736,"endTime":2375.106,"body":"to my mom's like, single mom, you know?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2375.106,"endTime":2377.808,"body":"That's all I'm talking about."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2375.106,"endTime":2377.808,"body":"She is backdoor missionary."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2377.808,"endTime":2380.544,"body":"Yeah. Using the child as the conduit."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2380.544,"endTime":2383.481,"body":"Yeah. Don't you think that's messed"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2380.544,"endTime":2383.481,"body":"up? Yeah. Like you were played?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2383.481,"endTime":2384.882,"body":"I definitely was."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2384.882,"endTime":2386.117,"body":"She's playing like a piano."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2386.117,"endTime":2388.452,"body":"I know. And I felt guilty, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2388.452,"endTime":2391.856,"body":"And then around,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2388.452,"endTime":2391.856,"body":"I think probably 12 or 13,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2391.956,"endTime":2395.226,"body":"just being Tom flat and having acne,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2391.956,"endTime":2395.226,"body":"I realized there was no God."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2395.226,"endTime":2397.895,"body":"And I'm like, I'm"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2395.226,"endTime":2397.895,"body":"not going to even pretend for her."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2400.398,"endTime":2401.699,"body":"It didn't take much to the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2401.699,"endTime":2406.003,"body":"first time I had this and I loved"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2401.699,"endTime":2406.003,"body":"and I just like, hang in my uncle too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2406.003,"endTime":2407.271,"body":"Like, I like hanging out with them."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2407.271,"endTime":2411.842,"body":"And somewhere in the, like nineties ish,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2407.271,"endTime":2411.842,"body":"she just started going to church a lot."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2411.842,"endTime":2413.377,"body":"And it was one of those like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2413.377,"endTime":2416.614,"body":"I think this really sprung up in"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2413.377,"endTime":2416.614,"body":"the nineties like a rock and roll church"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2417.047,"endTime":2420.351,"body":"where there's like a band"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2417.047,"endTime":2420.351,"body":"and they have like maybe some multimedia"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2420.351,"endTime":2424.622,"body":"on the stage and stuff and like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2420.351,"endTime":2424.622,"body":"a new construction church kind of thing."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2424.622,"endTime":2427.558,"body":"But I truly just liked her company"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2424.622,"endTime":2427.558,"body":"and just like going to hang out with my"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2427.558,"endTime":2430.694,"body":"I had nothing to do with like the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2427.558,"endTime":2430.694,"body":"but it was similarly,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2430.694,"endTime":2433.497,"body":"it was kind of before I was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2430.694,"endTime":2433.497,"body":"sure about my queerness."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2433.497,"endTime":2437.201,"body":"And I'm sitting there in North Texas"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2433.497,"endTime":2437.201,"body":"and there is a guest preacher."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2437.501,"endTime":2441.439,"body":"And I literally sat through a there's"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2437.501,"endTime":2441.439,"body":"a war out there against homosexuals."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2441.439,"endTime":2443.974,"body":"And that's when I was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2441.439,"endTime":2443.974,"body":"I don't like this guy."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2443.974,"endTime":2445.376,"body":"But then the very next thing"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2443.974,"endTime":2445.376,"body":"out of his mouth was,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2445.376,"endTime":2447.278,"body":"there's a war out there"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2445.376,"endTime":2447.278,"body":"against Marilyn Manson."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2447.278,"endTime":2449.28,"body":"I was like, This is fucking hilarious."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2449.28,"endTime":2450.581,"body":"Oh, wow."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2450.581,"endTime":2452.917,"body":"If I'm in the same category"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2450.581,"endTime":2452.917,"body":"as Marilyn Manson, let's go."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2452.917,"endTime":2453.651,"body":"Like, come on."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2453.651,"endTime":2456.52,"body":"And I argue, like, this can't be real"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2457.555,"endTime":2459.156,"body":"because everybody else was saying it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2457.555,"endTime":2459.156,"body":"so seriously."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2459.156,"endTime":2461.392,"body":"How is the music a ghastly?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2461.392,"endTime":2462.193,"body":"Are you kidding me?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2462.193,"endTime":2465.896,"body":"I hate Christian rock or any kind"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2462.193,"endTime":2465.896,"body":"or any kind of electric Christian music"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2465.896,"endTime":2466.997,"body":"because they can never get away"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2466.997,"endTime":2470.935,"body":"from the lyrics that are mountains"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2466.997,"endTime":2470.935,"body":"Glory high, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2470.935,"endTime":2471.869,"body":"It's never."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2471.869,"endTime":2472.937,"body":"That's it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2472.937,"endTime":2475.573,"body":"That's some big old high mountain. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2475.573,"endTime":2477.274,"body":"I hate Christian music."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2477.274,"endTime":2479.777,"body":"Sorry, Dad."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2479.777,"endTime":2482.112,"body":"Yeah, I guess I associate"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2482.112,"endTime":2485.816,"body":"country music with Christian music,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2482.112,"endTime":2485.816,"body":"but it isn't always."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2485.816,"endTime":2488.352,"body":"And I think there's some amazing"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2485.816,"endTime":2488.352,"body":"country music."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2488.352,"endTime":2490.921,"body":"Well,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2488.352,"endTime":2490.921,"body":"it's like I never made friends at church,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2490.921,"endTime":2493.023,"body":"like Sunday School"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2490.921,"endTime":2493.023,"body":"and all that kind of stuff."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2493.023,"endTime":2493.591,"body":"I never."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2493.591,"endTime":2496.627,"body":"I had friends there, but"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2493.591,"endTime":2496.627,"body":"they were usually from school or outside,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2496.627,"endTime":2500.197,"body":"but I never took like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2496.627,"endTime":2500.197,"body":"life from church out of that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2501.131,"endTime":2503.834,"body":"And I find"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2501.131,"endTime":2503.834,"body":"that country music is sort of the same."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2503.834,"endTime":2506.837,"body":"It has this weird"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2503.834,"endTime":2506.837,"body":"you mistake it for being friendly,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2507.204,"endTime":2510.207,"body":"but then oops,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2507.204,"endTime":2510.207,"body":"the whole audience is full of bigots."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2510.774,"endTime":2513.978,"body":"I mean, like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2510.774,"endTime":2513.978,"body":"look what they did to the Dixie Chicks."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2513.978,"endTime":2514.445,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2514.445,"endTime":2517.414,"body":"Like they dragged them through the mud"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2514.445,"endTime":2517.414,"body":"for saying"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2522.586,"endTime":2524.154,"body":"it's really sad, you know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2524.154,"endTime":2527.224,"body":"when comics die,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2524.154,"endTime":2527.224,"body":"but it's worse when musicians die."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2527.224,"endTime":2528.359,"body":"And here's why. Why?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2528.359,"endTime":2531.362,"body":"Because you don't lose your virginity"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2528.359,"endTime":2531.362,"body":"to a comedy. I"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2533.397,"endTime":2535.599,"body":"unless you're like a weird fuck."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2535.599,"endTime":2539.57,"body":"Oh, we run"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2535.599,"endTime":2539.57,"body":"screaming of you lose your virginity to a"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2540.971,"endTime":2543.874,"body":"Oh, we we lost it to Steve Martin's"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2540.971,"endTime":2543.874,"body":"Let's get small"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2543.874,"endTime":2546.877,"body":"And he goes all"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2547.444,"endTime":2549.68,"body":"that's hysterical."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2549.68,"endTime":2553.918,"body":"There's no sentimentality within comic"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2549.68,"endTime":2553.918,"body":"because you'd ever fuck to that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2553.951,"endTime":2554.752,"body":"Oh my God."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2554.752,"endTime":2557.755,"body":"You know that is another"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2554.752,"endTime":2557.755,"body":"what we thought would happen"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2557.888,"endTime":2562.326,"body":"not to be so obvious about it,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2557.888,"endTime":2562.326,"body":"but when people, when people start,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2562.326,"endTime":2565.896,"body":"you know, in this business,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2562.326,"endTime":2565.896,"body":"you know, become an actor or musician"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2565.896,"endTime":2569.8,"body":"or anything, you know, in the performing"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2565.896,"endTime":2569.8,"body":"arts, if I can be."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2569.8,"endTime":2570.534,"body":"So yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2571.735,"endTime":2573.137,"body":"it's just hard."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2573.137,"endTime":2574.872,"body":"Is it? It's an art."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2574.872,"endTime":2578.642,"body":"You think, Oh, okay,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2574.872,"endTime":2578.642,"body":"I'll, I'll get on this show or do this."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2578.909,"endTime":2584.548,"body":"But what it is really for most of us, it's"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2578.909,"endTime":2584.548,"body":"being unemployed and looking for a job."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2584.548,"endTime":2586.684,"body":"You're always looking for another job."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2586.684,"endTime":2587.384,"body":"Another gig?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2587.384,"endTime":2590.187,"body":"Yeah. No,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2587.384,"endTime":2590.187,"body":"I was working sweeping floors for years."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2590.187,"endTime":2593.891,"body":"I mean, I'm really impressed"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2590.187,"endTime":2593.891,"body":"with how that just intuitive you were."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2593.891,"endTime":2594.491,"body":"But just that,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2594.491,"endTime":2597.928,"body":"you know, that you were curious about"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2594.491,"endTime":2597.928,"body":"culture and cool things and cool music"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2597.928,"endTime":2600.431,"body":"because I said to stay with my cousins"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2597.928,"endTime":2600.431,"body":"when I was a kid,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2600.431,"endTime":2604.668,"body":"I was brought up on such shitty"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2600.431,"endTime":2604.668,"body":"music was like, What?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2604.702,"endTime":2608.772,"body":"Like Molly Hatchet and Leonard Skinner."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2609.039,"endTime":2611.008,"body":"We all had Leonard skin in it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2609.039,"endTime":2611.008,"body":"on our notebooks."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2611.008,"endTime":2613.143,"body":"We didn't know what it meant."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2611.008,"endTime":2613.143,"body":"I didn't know what it meant."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2613.143,"endTime":2614.979,"body":"And I read it in the Jamestown days."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2614.979,"endTime":2617.514,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2617.514,"endTime":2619.583,"body":"So you were just kind of like White Rock?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2619.583,"endTime":2622.419,"body":"Yeah, by default,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2619.583,"endTime":2622.419,"body":"I guess. AC DC, You know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2622.419,"endTime":2624.922,"body":"Yeah. I mean, not"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2622.419,"endTime":2624.922,"body":"that any of these bands are bad."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2624.922,"endTime":2625.656,"body":"It's just like."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2625.656,"endTime":2626.857,"body":"But it was really, Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2626.857,"endTime":2631.028,"body":"Demographic to be like trash rock,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2626.857,"endTime":2631.028,"body":"I guess, or what I'm sure these days,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2631.028,"endTime":2635.966,"body":"particularly government cheese rock,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2631.028,"endTime":2635.966,"body":"it's like, oh yes, I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2636.0,"endTime":2638.402,"body":"Because I was only supposed to"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2636.0,"endTime":2638.402,"body":"like what my family listened to,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2638.402,"endTime":2640.571,"body":"which was either"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2638.402,"endTime":2640.571,"body":"like they would always do."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2640.571,"endTime":2642.172,"body":"There's a lot of Enya."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2642.172,"endTime":2643.307,"body":"Oh, wow. Okay."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2643.307,"endTime":2643.54,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2643.54,"endTime":2646.443,"body":"For some reason that was really strong"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2643.54,"endTime":2646.443,"body":"in the I mean, my dad was huge."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2646.443,"endTime":2648.679,"body":"And Barbra Streisand shades of Gay"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2649.947,"endTime":2652.883,"body":"or Elton John that was in like record"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2649.947,"endTime":2652.883,"body":"collection was only Elton"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2652.883,"endTime":2656.887,"body":"John and Barbra Streisand,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2652.883,"endTime":2656.887,"body":"which are I would call red flags."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2656.887,"endTime":2657.688,"body":"I'm still thinking"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2657.688,"endTime":2661.191,"body":"like I don't remember that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2657.688,"endTime":2661.191,"body":"album, Shades of Gay by Barbra Streisand."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2661.291,"endTime":2663.927,"body":"She thought,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2661.291,"endTime":2663.927,"body":"Oh, that bitch has about one left in her."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2663.927,"endTime":2665.362,"body":"I guess I want to."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2665.362,"endTime":2668.766,"body":"Yeah, I'm not much into like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2665.362,"endTime":2668.766,"body":"I want to know where famous people live,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2668.766,"endTime":2671.435,"body":"but because she's in Malibu,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2668.766,"endTime":2671.435,"body":"I want to know where she lives."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2671.435,"endTime":2673.771,"body":"Oh, I know. Well, they call that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2671.435,"endTime":2673.771,"body":"the Barbra Streisand effect."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2673.771,"endTime":2674.605,"body":"Do you know about that?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2674.605,"endTime":2678.208,"body":"What the real is"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2674.605,"endTime":2678.208,"body":"because she made such a big deal"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2678.509,"endTime":2681.378,"body":"about having her property it enclosed"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2681.378,"endTime":2684.748,"body":"so that for privacy"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2681.378,"endTime":2684.748,"body":"that then everybody knew where it was."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2684.748,"endTime":2688.686,"body":"Then she by doing that people"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2684.748,"endTime":2688.686,"body":"how many people found out where she lived?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2688.686,"endTime":2691.455,"body":"That's hilarious."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2688.686,"endTime":2691.455,"body":"They call that the Streisand."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2691.455,"endTime":2694.825,"body":"It's funny, I'm reading this book"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2691.455,"endTime":2694.825,"body":"about the romanoffs and like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2694.858,"endTime":2697.928,"body":"200 years of the romanoffs, they were just"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2694.858,"endTime":2697.928,"body":"fucking left, right and center."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2697.928,"endTime":2702.599,"body":"Not an obsession, but they were just these"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2697.928,"endTime":2702.599,"body":"royals who were having all kinds or GSF."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2702.9,"endTime":2705.669,"body":"Meanwhile, using the, the,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2702.9,"endTime":2705.669,"body":"you know, they were all sanctified"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2705.669,"endTime":2706.437,"body":"by the Lord, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2706.437,"endTime":2709.106,"body":"Everybody,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2706.437,"endTime":2709.106,"body":"the Jesus or whatever. God chose them."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2709.106,"endTime":2711.575,"body":"So the people were scared"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2709.106,"endTime":2711.575,"body":"because of religion."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2711.575,"endTime":2713.711,"body":"Meanwhile"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2711.575,"endTime":2713.711,"body":"they were fucking breaking all the rules,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2713.711,"endTime":2715.612,"body":"which I think Hollywood is sort of that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2713.711,"endTime":2715.612,"body":"for us."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2715.612,"endTime":2717.915,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2715.612,"endTime":2717.915,"body":"well I'm always amazed to and people,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2717.915,"endTime":2720.751,"body":"you know, are into the ancestry stuff"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2717.915,"endTime":2720.751,"body":"and they,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2720.751,"endTime":2724.988,"body":"you know, they're secretly hoping that"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2720.751,"endTime":2724.988,"body":"they're, you know, they have royal blood."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2725.089,"endTime":2725.389,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2725.389,"endTime":2728.459,"body":"But the royals are more inbred than pugs."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2728.459,"endTime":2728.959,"body":"Yes, I"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2730.127,"endTime":2730.694,"body":"it's a surprise."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2730.694,"endTime":2734.898,"body":"Their eyes don't fall out of the you know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2730.694,"endTime":2734.898,"body":"it's like they're there's five families."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2734.898,"endTime":2735.699,"body":"Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2735.699,"endTime":2738.135,"body":"I've read there's this really brilliant,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2735.699,"endTime":2738.135,"body":"but I'm obsessed with the Romanoffs"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2738.135,"endTime":2739.636,"body":"and the Rasputin, all that kind of stuff."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2739.636,"endTime":2741.605,"body":"But one of the foremost books is old."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2741.605,"endTime":2743.407,"body":"It's just called Nicholas and Alexander."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2743.407,"endTime":2747.244,"body":"I forget the author, but the book shows"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2743.407,"endTime":2747.244,"body":"the family tree."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2747.244,"endTime":2750.647,"body":"The first page of it is the Family"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2747.244,"endTime":2750.647,"body":"Tree of World War One."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2751.081,"endTime":2752.716,"body":"All the Royals in Europe."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2752.716,"endTime":2755.953,"body":"And it's that's like everyone in charge"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2752.716,"endTime":2755.953,"body":"is connected to the tree."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2756.253,"endTime":2756.487,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2756.487,"endTime":2756.954,"body":"And they"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2756.954,"endTime":2760.224,"body":"and they're all related to King George"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2756.954,"endTime":2760.224,"body":"or King George a third"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2760.224,"endTime":2763.46,"body":"but they literally all look in the way"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2760.224,"endTime":2763.46,"body":"they can because"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2763.46,"endTime":2766.463,"body":"it's all based on their journals"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2763.46,"endTime":2766.463,"body":"and their letters and stuff to each other"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2766.463,"endTime":2770.567,"body":"is that they are all brokering marriages"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2766.463,"endTime":2770.567,"body":"through with cousins for money"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2770.567,"endTime":2771.869,"body":"and and power like that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2771.869,"endTime":2775.172,"body":"Straight up what's going on Like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2771.869,"endTime":2775.172,"body":"keep it in the family and more we can fuck"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2775.906,"endTime":2779.176,"body":"on my grandmother's side of the family"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2775.906,"endTime":2779.176,"body":"through marriage, not blood related to us."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2779.176,"endTime":2781.078,"body":"But her father died in a plane crash"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2779.176,"endTime":2781.078,"body":"and her mother."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2781.078,"endTime":2782.946,"body":"Her mother married another man."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2782.946,"endTime":2787.117,"body":"Those people were married cousins"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2782.946,"endTime":2787.117,"body":"and had kids."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2787.117,"endTime":2791.555,"body":"And it's like that shit goes down"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2787.117,"endTime":2791.555,"body":"and be a bore or not."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2791.555,"endTime":2792.723,"body":"It's like, fascinating."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2792.723,"endTime":2796.56,"body":"But rich people want to keep the money"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2792.723,"endTime":2796.56,"body":"and they'll do literally anything"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2796.593,"endTime":2798.529,"body":"to keep it at this. Oh, I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2803.467,"endTime":2804.768,"body":"Have you seen a new leaf?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2804.768,"endTime":2806.77,"body":"No, it Is that my favorite comedy?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2806.77,"endTime":2810.107,"body":"It's with Walter Matthau, Elaine May,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2806.77,"endTime":2810.107,"body":"who's a brilliant brilliant"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2810.674,"endTime":2812.442,"body":"she wrote it and she's in it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2812.442,"endTime":2813.71,"body":"And I can kind of do a little."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2813.71,"endTime":2816.58,"body":"That never happens of her"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2813.71,"endTime":2816.58,"body":"in the role of Elaine May."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2816.58,"endTime":2818.448,"body":"Yeah, what is it, Kenny?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2818.448,"endTime":2820.551,"body":"I think you should think about teaching."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2820.551,"endTime":2822.886,"body":"I think you would really enjoy it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2822.886,"endTime":2825.522,"body":"People also forget how handsome Walter"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2822.886,"endTime":2825.522,"body":"Matthau was back in the day."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2825.522,"endTime":2825.923,"body":"I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2825.923,"endTime":2827.357,"body":"What about the show?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2827.357,"endTime":2830.527,"body":"I'm sure you've seen a face in the crowd."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2830.561,"endTime":2832.696,"body":"No, I'm telling you, I've Blind Spot."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2832.696,"endTime":2837.901,"body":"I'm a Walter Matthau was in a basement"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2832.696,"endTime":2837.901,"body":"crowd with Andy Griffith."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2837.901,"endTime":2838.468,"body":"Okay."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2838.468,"endTime":2840.571,"body":"Who was handsome?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2840.571,"endTime":2842.94,"body":"Some pictures sometimes. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2842.94,"endTime":2843.24,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2843.24,"endTime":2846.577,"body":"Well, he has Ronald Reagan syndrome"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2843.24,"endTime":2846.577,"body":"where you're like, kind of."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2846.677,"endTime":2849.112,"body":"But that's an amazing, amazing movie."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2849.112,"endTime":2850.914,"body":"A face in the Crowd. You have to see it."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2850.914,"endTime":2855.519,"body":"I think it's the Oh, I'm damn like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2850.914,"endTime":2855.519,"body":"that makes him not sexy to me, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2855.552,"endTime":2857.754,"body":"You know,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2855.552,"endTime":2857.754,"body":"I know that's not how he was in real life."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2857.754,"endTime":2859.59,"body":"Yeah, he was very smart."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2859.59,"endTime":2860.991,"body":"I mean, he's in the cold."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2860.991,"endTime":2864.862,"body":"I think when he did his show"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2860.991,"endTime":2864.862,"body":"and he found Don Knotts,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2865.062,"endTime":2868.699,"body":"he just said, Well, I guess"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2865.062,"endTime":2868.699,"body":"I'm going to be the straight man in this."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2868.699,"endTime":2872.102,"body":"And he's going to be kind of the star,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2868.699,"endTime":2872.102,"body":"basically, because he's so funny."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2872.102,"endTime":2874.938,"body":"Don Knotts, this can be"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2872.102,"endTime":2874.938,"body":"they were real friends, I guess, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2874.938,"endTime":2875.906,"body":"I mean, they're friends, actually."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2875.906,"endTime":2876.106,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2876.106,"endTime":2879.643,"body":"Yeah, I okay, this is this might be too"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2876.106,"endTime":2879.643,"body":"or you don't ever talk about this, but."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2879.643,"endTime":2880.644,"body":"Okay, I know for a fact"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2880.644,"endTime":2884.081,"body":"she's talked about it in interviews"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2880.644,"endTime":2884.081,"body":"that the character Jackie Laurie Metcalf."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2884.181,"endTime":2884.481,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2884.481,"endTime":2888.085,"body":"Was slowly styled after Don Knotts"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2888.452,"endTime":2891.455,"body":"eventually like making her a cop."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2891.455,"endTime":2893.657,"body":"And then, like, she met with him"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2891.455,"endTime":2893.657,"body":"and had lunch with them and stuff."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2893.657,"endTime":2895.058,"body":"But Roseanne is sort of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2895.058,"endTime":2898.428,"body":"like you notice as the seasons progress,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2895.058,"endTime":2898.428,"body":"as she gets more bug eyed"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2898.428,"endTime":2903.634,"body":"and way more cartoonish in her reactions"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2898.428,"endTime":2903.634,"body":"and very Don Knotts adjacent."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2903.634,"endTime":2906.87,"body":"Whereas early Jackie seasons"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2903.634,"endTime":2906.87,"body":"one, two, three, four ish,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2907.237,"endTime":2909.907,"body":"she's a little bit more conservative"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2907.237,"endTime":2909.907,"body":"and less cartoonish."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2909.907,"endTime":2914.611,"body":"But like the making of a cop,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2909.907,"endTime":2914.611,"body":"her kind of her problems with authority"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2914.945,"endTime":2916.847,"body":"and never being respected"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2914.945,"endTime":2916.847,"body":"and always wanting it,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2916.847,"endTime":2918.415,"body":"those were like the chip on the shoulder."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2918.415,"endTime":2922.819,"body":"Oh, we're all like a Don Knotts nod,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2918.415,"endTime":2922.819,"body":"which I love, like on Laurie Metcalf"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2922.819,"endTime":2925.522,"body":"that I always thought,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2922.819,"endTime":2925.522,"body":"because you notice she's by season nine,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2925.522,"endTime":2929.059,"body":"I forget your era on that show,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2925.522,"endTime":2929.059,"body":"but like by season nine, she's way goofy."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2929.059,"endTime":2930.427,"body":"Yeah, I forget it, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2931.495,"endTime":2934.631,"body":"That seems to be the resounding V of"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2931.495,"endTime":2934.631,"body":"that might be."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2934.631,"endTime":2935.933,"body":"I may be reading too much into that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2935.933,"endTime":2936.733,"body":"If you could tell me"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2936.733,"endTime":2939.736,"body":"what Jackie's hair looks like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2936.733,"endTime":2939.736,"body":"I could tell you what season it was."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2940.437,"endTime":2942.272,"body":"That is the greatest thing I've ever,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2940.437,"endTime":2942.272,"body":"I tell you."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2942.272,"endTime":2943.273,"body":"Well, that's one of my favorite shows."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2943.273,"endTime":2945.876,"body":"I know Roseanne's racist and has been"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2943.273,"endTime":2945.876,"body":"canceled within the Trump supporters."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2945.876,"endTime":2947.511,"body":"If I can. Unforgivable, but whatever."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2947.511,"endTime":2950.314,"body":"But the show in the nineties was pivotal."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2950.314,"endTime":2951.515,"body":"It spoke to people."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2951.515,"endTime":2953.617,"body":"It spoke for poor people."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2953.617,"endTime":2955.752,"body":"It was a racially integrated show."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2955.752,"endTime":2960.09,"body":"Writing on that show was so much fun"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2955.752,"endTime":2960.09,"body":"because there are so many writers"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2960.09,"endTime":2963.827,"body":"we were all in"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2960.09,"endTime":2963.827,"body":"separate was like eight comics in a room."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2963.994,"endTime":2967.931,"body":"We were responsible for, of us"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2963.994,"endTime":2967.931,"body":"was like responsible for two jokes"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2967.931,"endTime":2969.166,"body":"for the whole day. Why?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2969.166,"endTime":2972.035,"body":"Oh, yeah, basically"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2969.166,"endTime":2972.035,"body":"because that's a high pressure show."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2972.035,"endTime":2974.137,"body":"Because you're working for a comic."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2974.137,"endTime":2977.107,"body":"And I think she's known"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2974.137,"endTime":2977.107,"body":"for like annihilating scripts"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2977.107,"endTime":2980.944,"body":"or trying to in her defense,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2977.107,"endTime":2980.944,"body":"she gives everybody a chance."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2980.944,"endTime":2983.046,"body":"Yeah, I think she did, you know?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2983.046,"endTime":2987.551,"body":"And so then if somebody was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2983.046,"endTime":2987.551,"body":"nice to her who who was sweeping"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2987.551,"endTime":2990.821,"body":"outside or whatever, she'd give them a job"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2987.551,"endTime":2990.821,"body":"and then B then have to fire them"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2990.821,"endTime":2992.022,"body":"because they didn't"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2990.821,"endTime":2992.022,"body":"know what they were doing."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2993.59,"endTime":2994.224,"body":"And, and"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2994.224,"endTime":2998.362,"body":"one and also Tom Arnold was really nice,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2994.224,"endTime":2998.362,"body":"like he helped hire some of the writers."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2998.495,"endTime":3001.732,"body":"And I found out that the writer"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":2998.495,"endTime":3001.732,"body":"who was like the head of our room,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3002.099,"endTime":3005.402,"body":"was a bartender where they're from,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3002.099,"endTime":3005.402,"body":"I forgot where they're from."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3005.402,"endTime":3007.437,"body":"He's like Idaho or some shit."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3005.402,"endTime":3007.437,"body":"Yeah, yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3007.437,"endTime":3010.007,"body":"He was funny, but it was like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3007.437,"endTime":3010.007,"body":"you know, he was given all this, right?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3010.007,"endTime":3013.01,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3015.946,"endTime":3016.68,"body":"Well, this is fun."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3016.68,"endTime":3017.814,"body":"I know. I like."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3017.814,"endTime":3018.882,"body":"I'm so glad. I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3018.882,"endTime":3022.753,"body":"I'm glad I'm getting to know you"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3018.882,"endTime":3022.753,"body":"and other people I need to go out more,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3022.753,"endTime":3024.688,"body":"but I need to go out more"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3022.753,"endTime":3024.688,"body":"with a microphone in my face."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3024.688,"endTime":3028.358,"body":"Yeah, because we can't just have like"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3024.688,"endTime":3028.358,"body":"a natural, like intimate or"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3028.992,"endTime":3031.728,"body":"like a real a friendship"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3028.992,"endTime":3031.728,"body":"without it being documented."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3031.728,"endTime":3033.563,"body":"Totally. Right. Well, yeah,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3031.728,"endTime":3033.563,"body":"we're new century."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3033.563,"endTime":3036.433,"body":"Look at us being on new Century."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3033.563,"endTime":3036.433,"body":"Well, this is fun."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3036.433,"endTime":3038.368,"body":"I like talking to you right now."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3036.433,"endTime":3038.368,"body":"I do, too."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3038.368,"endTime":3040.27,"body":"When we have to do it"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3038.368,"endTime":3040.27,"body":"now, we have to do everything together."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3040.27,"endTime":3041.405,"body":"I know, I know."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3041.405,"endTime":3044.408,"body":"We have a list of movies"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3041.405,"endTime":3044.408,"body":"I need to watch. Yes."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3044.441,"endTime":3047.511,"body":"And then, guys,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3044.441,"endTime":3047.511,"body":"we both need to feel like old movie stars."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3047.511,"endTime":3048.979,"body":"We need to think about. Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3048.979,"endTime":3051.415,"body":"And just like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3051.415,"endTime":3054.651,"body":"I really appreciate it when friends"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3051.415,"endTime":3054.651,"body":"help me do things around the house, like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3054.651,"endTime":3058.588,"body":"I want to wallpaper the bathroom"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3054.651,"endTime":3058.588,"body":"and I don't know how I loved that."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3058.622,"endTime":3060.09,"body":"You've cajoled me into a long"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3060.09,"endTime":3063.427,"body":"conversation and lunch,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3060.09,"endTime":3063.427,"body":"and now you're bringing up the Labor Day."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3063.894,"endTime":3066.596,"body":"After all of this,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3063.894,"endTime":3066.596,"body":"I knew there was something else going on."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3066.596,"endTime":3068.098,"body":"There's always a catch."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3068.098,"endTime":3072.135,"body":"Is I wondered with that canvas"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3068.098,"endTime":3072.135,"body":"all over that one piece Dickies"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3072.135,"endTime":3076.039,"body":"suit was doing, hanging over Like that way"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3072.135,"endTime":3076.039,"body":"those coveralls are hanging there."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3077.34,"endTime":3078.575,"body":"I look good in coveralls."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3078.575,"endTime":3081.445,"body":"I'm sure you do. Well, I need a waistline."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3081.445,"endTime":3083.08,"body":"Who doesn't?"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3083.08,"endTime":3085.582,"body":"Yeah, well, let's do this more. Thank you."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3085.582,"endTime":3088.351,"body":"Oh, listen to us more. Yeah, Yeah."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3088.351,"endTime":3091.555,"body":"I feel like the"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3088.351,"endTime":3091.555,"body":"what I think is going to happen"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3093.023,"endTime":3096.793,"body":"is we'll be doing, like,"},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3093.023,"endTime":3096.793,"body":"you know, big theaters all over the world."},{"speaker":"and it would be like it's 9","startTime":3096.793,"endTime":3097.894,"body":"Well, that's what we thought would happen."}]}