Real Talk: My Conversation with Harold

Join me and meet Harold from New Jersey.

A long-time listener, Harold opted in on my offer to be a guest on the podcast and discuss his experience of getting older. 

And boy, I'm glad he did.

Harold shares his journey from growing up in 1950s Brooklyn to embracing new opportunities in retirement. His reflections on aging, legacy, and self-discovery reveal how getting older can be a liberating experience that brings wisdom, purpose, and a deeper appreciation for life's fragility.

His humor and gentle manner when telling his story make this a Don't Miss episode. 

Sit back, relax, and let me introduce you to my guest from Teaneck, Harold.

If you would like to have a conversation and tell your story in your words, please write to me at Billmonty04@gmail.com. 

Chapters

• 0:01 Meeting Harold from Brooklyn
• 5:23 Growing Up in 1950s Brooklyn
• 8:29 Lessons Learned While Aging
• 13:49 Legacy and Family History
• 16:46 Embracing Retirement Opportunities
• 22:44 Advice to Younger Self
• 26:14 Final Reflections and Invitation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hi, this is Bill Monte and thank you for once again tuning into an episode of Bill Monte's guide for getting older. I'm so happy that you hit that play button and we have a very special episode today. In the last episode that I put out, I asked for people to contact me to tell their stories. You know I don't want to recap it all. Go back and listen to the episode if you want to hear it, but I think I've been telling my story for 40 episodes my thoughts about the journey of getting older. I've had several people respond, but the first one to reach out his name is Harold, and I'm so excited for you to meet him and have him be actually our first interview on Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older. So hello, harold. Hi Bill, how are you? I'm doing great. How are you doing?

Speaker 2: 0:47

I am absolutely fantastic and I'm so happy to be the first at anything.

Speaker 1: 0:54

As I've said before, the podcast is not about getting old. It's about getting older. So anyone hopefully that's listening is still getting older, but they can be in their 30s, 40s, 50s Without saying your age if you don't want to. What era did you grow up in?

Speaker 2: 1:10

Well, let's put it this way when I was born, truman was the president. Okay, so that sort of gets you this. Well, there were only 48 states, harry.

Speaker 1: 1:22

Truman, by the way, my favorite president. I love Harry Truman.

Speaker 2: 1:25

I was born in 1951, so I'm 73 years old. Where were you born? I was born in Brooklyn, New York. Yeah, I was born in Brooklyn and I lived there really until adulthood. Then I went away to college and moved around, but most of my life has been in the Northeast, either New York or New Jersey.

Speaker 1: 1:46

And you live in New Jersey now, or yeah, I'm in New Jersey.

Speaker 2: 1:50

Now I'm in Teaneck, new Jersey, which is just outside of Manhattan. How often do you get into the city? I really tried to get there as little as possible because you know, as I've gotten older, the crowds in New York City had just it's very tough to maneuver I mean the traffic and it's a very expensive city just to even visit. They've just implemented congestion pricing so it's almost $20 just to go over the bridge and if you want to park in Manhattan it could cost you. I have paid up to $75 to park, so it's just an expensive endeavor and that's before you've even gone out to dinner or gone to see a play. So, to answer your question, I go there as little as possible.

Speaker 1: 2:37

You find your cultural activity in Teaneck, new Jersey, in.

Speaker 2: 2:41

Teaneck, new Jersey. Yeah well, you know I'm a bit of an introvert, so you know I don't really have a need for a lot of external, you know excitement. So yeah, watching YouTube videos and local theater. I don't think I mentioned to you but my wife has taken on acting as her second act, so to speak. So you know she's a member of a couple of the local acting groups here in neighboring towns, so you know we'll get a little bit of that. I mean, I do go into the city once in a while. If something really great is happening, I'll go in and watch something.

Speaker 1: 3:21

So I'm curious because this actually is I think of it as for myself kind of an odd thing that has happened that I've started watching YouTube as a main form of entertainment. You say you like to watch YouTube videos. How long have you been watching YouTube videos?

Speaker 2: 3:37

I'm going to say two well before COVID, so that's like 2019, 2020. Yeah, really, during COVID they really picked up. I know it sounds strange that you watch YouTube videos. Last night my wife and I went to visit one of our kids and they had friends over and they're all talking about TV shows. I know none of them, absolutely none. And yet my wife said, yeah, he knows how quiet Harold is because all he watches is YouTube videos.

Speaker 1: 4:11

I remember when I first became aware that people were watching YouTube as a major form of entertainment or instead of watching the big three networks, whatever it might be, we were visiting my daughter in Orlando and we were going to go out somewhere and they had the TV on and it was watching this woman kind of just live her life on TV, right, and I'm like can't you know, can we watch something? Change it to a ball game, or you know why, why, why do you?

Speaker 2: 4:36

watch this.

Speaker 1: 4:37

And I just I could not wrap my head around this whole idea of YouTube. And now I have to say my wife and I we're watching always right before we go to bed. We flip over to YouTube If we haven't already been watching it all night, just to kind of visit some of these people, that we watch them live their lives on TV. It's the most bizarre thing, but it really is fun. Growing up in Brooklyn, cause I on this podcast and on my other podcast tales from South Florida, I talk about growing up in South Florida. So growing up in Brooklyn and the time that you did, what's your favorite childhood memory of those years?

Speaker 2: 5:12

Playing. I mean, we grew up it was just I'm an only child and we lived in a brown store in a small apartment, so you wanted to be outside all the time. What was so cool about growing up in neighborhoods like Brooklyn, I guess, at any inner city neighborhood every block had hundreds of kids, so you didn't have to ever leave your block to have a game whether it be a game of stickball, a game of punchball, stoopball, anything with a ball we played. Or then there were flying kites. I mean, that was my favorite memory. It was just fun, just to go outside, and you didn't have to go very far.

Speaker 2: 5:59

Literally, you could walk out of your door, walk down the steps to the street and you find a bunch of kids and the younger guys are one corner and the older guys are on the other corner. The girls would be by themselves. And so you came home, did your homework, took off your school coat, put on your play clothes, did your homework and then went out and played until, as know, as they say, until the streetlights came on. And then, you know, you came in the house In the summertime. You played all the time. You know it was just play all the time. So, yeah, that's my really my fondest memory about Brooklyn and growing up.

Speaker 1: 6:40

As you have gone through life. What have you learned about yourself in this journey of getting older?

Speaker 2: 6:49

Wow, Wow. And I've learned. Well, looking back, I realize how much of an ego I had and how much I got caught up into some of the, you know, paying more attention to things that really didn't matter that much, Things like status, you know, I remember I remember wanting to have fancy cars, cars that cost more than really I should have been spending. But you know, in hindsight I said, you know, I could have bought car A instead of a car B and, like you know, and had, you know, huge payments and huge insurance, but the status at the time was important to me. Now I recognize, you know, those things really weren't that important. Also, I think I've become a lot less selfish in general. You know, and I don't know, I guess that's maybe natural, you know, you realize, because when you're going through your twenties and thirties it's all about me, it's all about me. And as I've gotten older, it's like, wow, that's the more, the less selfish you become. It just makes it seems your life becomes more real, more giving.

Speaker 1: 8:26

Right away. But there's still that anticipation of the unknown of tomorrow, of what's going to happen tomorrow, and I think for me it used to be. I think I took tomorrow for granted.

Speaker 2: 8:35

I think I think youth does that and I don't take it for granted anymore. I now know how fragile life is, yeah, yeah, well, you know, as people in our age group always say, you know you've got more years behind us than we have in front of us. You know, when you hit your mid-70s, you figure OK, if I'm lucky, if I'm really really, really lucky, maybe I'll have another 20 years more. But even if I have 20 years, are those going to be good years, you know? Will I be healthy? Will I be able to get around on my own? Will I be able to, you know? So I take, I really want to take advantage of every single day, you know, and make sure that I maximize every minute, because you know time is our most important commodity and I can't waste it because I can't get any more time.

Speaker 1: 9:19

I was watching CBS Sunday Morning this morning and they had a story about a man named Linwood Riddick. Now I don't know if you heard he was in the news this week and Mr Riddick is 79 years old and he graduated from the University of South Carolina with a bachelor's degree.

Speaker 2: 9:39

Oh, I think I saw him.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Yeah, and he did it now. So I saw it on the news for a couple of nights and I thought, well, that's great. You know, you often hear a story of people who are older, they go back to college and they graduate. But they talked about the reason that he did it and it was because he stumbled upon while on the campus one day, just visiting, the story of three young men who were killed in the 1960s in some of the riots fighting for civil rights. He wanted to finish what they couldn't and he did it for them.

Speaker 1: 10:17

Wow, and you know it got me thinking about. I know you've heard me on the podcast talking about legacy Mm-hmm and you know what he did kind of completed their legacy for them in a way and also set his what would you like your legacy to be?

Speaker 2: 10:35

Wow, what would I like your legacy to be? Wow, what would I like my legacy to be? That's, I don't know if I've ever thought about that. You know I have grandchildren now.

Speaker 2: 10:51

I guess I would like to leave a legacy of recognizing that you have the ability to accomplish whatever you really set your mind to. You know, our society tends to want to place us in certain categories. You can fall victim to it. I mean, you turn on the television and you watch it and it basically says that this is, if you look like this, this is what you can do. You know, you can be an athlete, you could be a performer, you can be this, you can be that. And I would like to people to think well, grandpa said we could do anything. You know, we could do this whatever we choose. And yeah, I guess that's it. I mean, I know that sounds kind of clumsy. I haven't. I never thought about what my legacy was.

Speaker 2: 11:37

I would hope that somebody thinks about me after I'm gone. I think about my relatives. I didn't know any of my grandparents. I don't know much of their history yet. History here, fortunately, through ancestry, I've been sort of recreating a family tree so I could go back. You know, unfortunately, you know, most African-Americans can't go back but two, three hundred years because you know the records are not there. You don't know what slave ships they came over on, but I could get back to the middle 1800s. So and I look at these people and I look at these names and that's all they are. To me they're just names. But I look at them and say, wow, what would they think if they could see me? Now, you know they were. You know, because of them I am and I guess maybe that's what I would like my kids to think and grandchildren, and I don't know, all of our the generations after me.

Speaker 1: 12:38

You know, hey, uh, I've often thought of I I just haven't pulled the trigger on that yet of doing like ancestrycom and, by the way, I have no relationship with them but don't get any money from them uh, ancestrycom, and haven't done it yet, because I have this brief idea of immediate history. But I don't know beyond that and my wife and I have teased that maybe we should just have our daughter do it. That way we can get all histories Right, right, yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:04

Oh, that's a great idea, yeah, yeah, yeah, it really helped me, you know, like I said, because actually someone had started it. It was like a distant cousin, and she had contacted me a few years, several years ago, and got me interested and then we started building it and building. So now you know, it's interesting. I mean, my father is from the Caribbean, so it was pretty easy on that side, like I said, but it stopped about 18. I think we got back to 1850, I think, and that was where the line sort of just I mean, I guess if I had, you know, the resources, I could probably hire a genealogist and get back further, but you know, 1850 is good enough for me.

Speaker 1: 13:47

I often get caught up in thinking about the history and I think what you said before is great. All of these people came together to make me Right.

Speaker 1: 13:56

You know so, everything that they did, they went through and everything else, I'm here and for me and my brother we are the last of our family. There are no cousins there's, you know so, whatever history our family has lives in our heads Right, and you know so I often think about you know, I want to try to leave it so that people will know our story, but we're not here to tell it anymore.

Speaker 2: 14:19

Yeah, but I mean, but it's important that your story be told. I mean, I think it's important that each of our stories be told and that we do the telling, because if we don't tell it, it will be told differently than it should have been told.

Speaker 1: 14:31

Yeah, it's something that kind of isn't happening that much anymore. I remember my mother used to tell me stories all the time of when she was growing up and my grandmothers would tell stories, but I don't. I don't see that happening much anymore. That connection between generations of understanding what one went through versus the other Is that something you've noticed?

Speaker 2: 14:52

Definitely, yes, definitely, it started again, something you've noticed. Definitely, yes, definitely started. Again, I can only speak to African-American culture because you know obviously that's what I know more most of my parents were born in the turn of the 20th century, so you could imagine they're either their parents or their grandparents were probably born into slavery. They didn't. They were very reluctant to talk about their past and so when you would ask about who you know, who's grandpa, who's grandma, he was a man. You know. That's all you need to know. Why do you need to know more than that?

Speaker 2: 15:24

And we sort of started off with you know very limited idea who we were. I guess I don't know. We just don't talk much about it. We don't tell our kids much. I mean, you know? I think my wife and I did a little impromptu survey asking our grandkids do you know what your mother does for a living? No, no, you know what dad does? No, you know where he grew up. I think he grew up, you know, in this city. I mean barely yes To your point. We we're doing the same thing. We're not passing down our legacy to our kids.

Speaker 1: 16:01

So you are, you're retired, correct? Yes, okay, how are you enjoying retirement?

Speaker 2: 16:06

Oh, let's put it this way uh, the other day somebody said, oh, we had a three-day weekend, and I'm like, oh, what? What do you mean? Three days? Oh, it's a holiday on monday. Okay, yeah, you know, like I don't, you know it, the days are. You know, saturday is no different from tuesday, no different from thursday, other than the pills on the box. You know, I have a pill box. I know that on Saturday I take these pills and on Tuesday I take these, but other than that, no. So, yeah, I'm enjoying it.

Speaker 2: 16:47

It's it's. It's what you work for. That's what I tell my kids and, and now my grandkids, I said this retirement is what you work for. My kids and now my grandkids, I said this retirement is what you work for. Most of your life is dictated by somebody else. When you're one through 18, your parents are telling you what to do, and then, after that, you know, your boss is telling you what to do, what time to get up and what time to go, to leave, where to go. And now it's time for me to make my own calls, make my own decisions.

Speaker 1: 17:15

So did you find any? Did you start doing any activities, things you hadn't done before?

Speaker 2: 17:19

retirement, oh gosh. Okay. Well, I've always been pretty athletic, so one of the things I did has I participated in triathlon, so you know, running, cycling and, uh, swimming, which was cool, I mean I did I marathon, I did a marathon, half marathons, so so running was part of the activities. But right now I'm doing a lot of photography and videography. And to you had asked earlier about legacy, I'm working on a film, short film. This is my first and it has a bit most of my project. They take forever to get off the drawing board.

Speaker 2: 18:04

I wanted to interview people of color, of a certain of really 80s and 90s year olds, and get their stories Because, to your point earlier, our stories are not being handed down to the next generation. So I thought it would be a good idea to get a couple of people in this age group and just find out what their stories are, because if we don't tell the story, you know someone else will tell it. They usually tell it incorrectly. So I want to make sure that while we have these people still with us, we could hear what the story was from them. So that's one of my projects. I attended a class at the Wine Institute. It was a sommelier's class. I mean, I had no intention of becoming a sommelier, but I just wanted to be able to understand the differences in wines. You know different regions, different grapes, different varietals.

Speaker 1: 19:02

But what I love about everything you're talking about right here is that for a lot of people, the thought of retirement is almost an end to their story, and you have started entire new chapters of your life during your retirement, finding new interests, maybe things that didn't interest you as a younger man, but things that now you're like. Well, I never thought about this. Now I've got some time. Now I can find out what is the story behind this. What is the story behind why?

Speaker 2: 19:29

Right, right, my wife and I are working on a podcast and the name of it is you Still have Time, and the goal of that podcast is to sort of eliminate, or at least mitigate, the fears of getting older. You know people think that getting older is, you know well, one step closer to death. But there are, there's so much to do and we want to inspire people, encourage people to take advantage of these years. I mean, you know it's, you still have time to do whatever your dream is. Or it could be something you had never thought of, as you said it before. You may never have thought about it but say, hey, I have time to do this now. So, yeah, I, I'm going to make use of every minute of every hour, every day I have left. Keep living, as my wife's father used to tell her keep living.

Speaker 1: 20:24

Yeah, and you still have time. That's a great name for a podcast, by the way, and I would love I can't you guys need to work with this because I would love to hear your podcast and hear what you have to talk about and what to say, because I think that would be fantastic and there aren't that many of us talking to an older audience.

Speaker 2: 20:40

No well, you don't.

Speaker 1: 20:40

That's how I found you.

Speaker 2: 20:42

That's how I found your podcast in search of somebody talking to an older audience. I mean, you know, podcasts are talking about how to make more money or how, to you know, get a better job or how to raise your family. But once all that stuff is behind, you now what? And that's.

Speaker 1: 20:59

I think that's the message that we have to get out. I think people have a. There are so many different views of getting older, and that's because there are so many ways to get older. I get that, I understand that, but I wish people kind of had more of your curiosity and your drive to do it that way, because I think I often hear people say that they retired and after three months they're bored and don't know what to do with themselves.

Speaker 2: 21:26

When I hear somebody say they're bored, I'm just flabbergasted. How can you be bored? I mean, there's just so many things to do.

Speaker 1: 21:34

That's how I think about it, and I would love to retire someday. I don't know when that day will be, but I don't believe I'll be bored. I think I'll rest for about six months and then I'll probably start working on things, probably another podcast or two.

Speaker 2: 21:49

Well, you know, one of the things my wife and I was talking about just this morning is about. There are people who stay working until their 80s, until their 90s, but you bring something different to the table when you're 60, 70, or 80 than you did when you were 30. So, whatever you would do whether you're a doctor, lawyer, physician, music whatever you approach that task differently as you get know, as you've gotten older, because you've acquired so much wisdom, and it's not the same, even though it might be the same title, it's not the same. You're doing it differently.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Yeah, that's so true. If you had the opportunity to go back and talk to younger Harold, what would you tell him? What advice would you give him?

Speaker 2: 22:44

be more open to new things. I found early in life that I put my. I didn't need anybody else to throw obstacles in my path, because I threw them there myself. I put roadblocks in my own path because, well, I can't apply to this college because my grades are not good enough, I can't apply to that job because I don't. They would never hire somebody who looked like me. I can't, I can't, I can't. I would say to the young, to the young Harold, stop doing that. If that's what you want to do, go ahead and do it. Make a try. At least you could say well, if you didn't get it, you didn't get it because you put the you know the obstacle there. You didn't get it because you know, maybe they didn't hire you, or you know, but, or they didn't accept you to this program, but not because you didn't even apply.

Speaker 1: 23:33

Yeah, it's great advice. Uh, anyone who's younger that might be listening to this, go ahead and think about what was just said, because you can do it, and don't allow anyone to tell you that you can't, especially yourself.

Speaker 2: 23:46

Right, oh gosh.

Speaker 1: 23:47

Yeah, because you'll believe it when you tell yourself that I can't tell you how many times. Yeah, to your point. When I was younger, that I thought, well, I should do this, but then I didn't do it Right Because I thought, well, that's beyond my capability, what I can do been talking right before before we start recording here, and we both uh it really enjoyed the show inside the actor's studio with james lipton. For those who never watched it, he used to interview broadway stars, movie stars, television stars, famous people, and he ended the show every time with questions based on the french journalist bernivot. Of course, he said Bernard Pivot. So I'd like to wrap up our conversation here and ask you just a couple of these questions. If you were to be reincarnated as an animal, what would it be?

Speaker 2: 24:43

Oh, wow, what would it be? I would say a whale, because you know you don't have to worry about predators, except for man. You don't have to worry about predators, and when I see them they just look so majestic.

Speaker 1: 25:02

Have you ever been on a whale watch?

Speaker 2: 25:04

Yes, yes, yes, yeah, actually not very far from New York City. Have you ever been on a whale watch? Yes, yes, yes, yeah, done it. Actually, not very far from New York City, we can go out and I forget it, I think it's. I forget the body of water. It's just not far from where the Statue of Liberty is and certain times of years you could actually see whales there.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Wow, yeah, we went out a few times out of Maine. It was. If you've never done that, you should. Because if you've been to places like SeaWorld or places like that and you think you have seen the killer whale and you know what it's like to see these magnificent mammals, if I say animals I won't say animals.

Speaker 2: 25:39

Yeah, but mammals, yeah, mammals.

Speaker 1: 25:41

Magnificent mammals in their natural habitat doing what they do. It takes your breath away.

Speaker 2: 25:47

It does. It absolutely makes you see how small you are.

Speaker 1: 25:52

If heaven exists, as you enter the pearly gates, what would you like to hear God say to you?

Speaker 2: 25:58

You did a great job yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:02

And I'm not God. But I want to say to you, harold, you did a great job today.

Speaker 2: 26:06

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Is there anything you would like to wrap up with that we didn't talk about today, that you would like people to consider, about the journey of aging, about getting older?

Speaker 2: 26:16

I would just say don't fear it, you know. I mean, even though your sight might not be as great as it used to be, your sense of smell might not be as great as it used to be. Your sense of smell might not be as great as it used to be, you may not walk as fast, you might not be as strong, but that's okay, you know, that's okay. That just goes on with aging. Just hey, we're all there, and you know, enjoy it.

Speaker 1: 26:41

I agree. Enjoy the journey, folks, because it's not over until it's over. You got a lot of life still to live. Thank Enjoy the journey, folks, because it's not over until it's over. You've got a lot of life still to live. Thank you so much for being a part of this first interview session for Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older. I really appreciate it. I appreciate you, Harold.

Speaker 2: 26:55

Thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to run my mouth for whatever amount of time we've been talking. My wife doesn't have to hear it now.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Well, I hope we'll continue talking, even if it's not to record for this, because I think you're a genuinely nice man and I really enjoyed speaking with you.

Speaker 2: 27:12

Great, I love listening to you too, all right, hey, thanks for sticking around hearing the entire interview.

Speaker 1: 27:18

We're at the end of the episode now, but I just wanted to say first a big thank you to Harold. He's not someone who's used to being out there being interviewed or being on a podcast, so it was just great to speak with him. If you would like to participate and be interviewed for Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older, it doesn't matter how old you are, we're just looking for people who want to talk about the journey and the experience of aging. Please write to me at BillMonte04 at gmailcom. That's BillMonte04 at gmailcom. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Also, if you enjoyed this episode, please hit that follow or subscribe button. Leave us a rating too, because that would be fantastic. Comment share with your friends and family. I hope you had a great time here. I know I did and I'm looking forward to doing it again. Until the next time that we speak, my friends, I remind you as always please be safe and be kind. Oh, where's that theme music?

Speaker 1: 28:25

If it's warm outside, but you're feeling cold. You're not sure what to do. Without a friendly shoulder, you're not alone, so start feeling bolder. Welcome to Bill Monty's guide for getting older.