IW Episode 9: 'Know Thyself' - the ultimate superpower that is Self-Awareness

In this episode of Integrated Wisdom, Tatiana explores the importance of developing self-awareness, as a mechanism for self-mastery. Self-awareness is the foundation for so many other necessary skills that make navigating life and our relationships easier, and unfortunately its one of the most underdeveloped skills for most of us.

So in today's episode, we discuss:

- the role self-awareness plays in navigating life decisions
- the role of self-awareness in creating establishing healthy relationships and clarifying your emotional needs
- the role that self-awareness hold in the process of spiritual evolution
- some ways you can begin to start gently developing greater levels of self-understanding

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Intro and Outro music: Inspiring Morning by Playsound

You can also find me on Instagram @integrated_wisdom

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Tatiana: 0:00

Welcome to the Integrated Wisdom Podcast. I am your host, Tatiana DaSilva. Join me as we discuss what it means to live an integrated life. Explore ways for you to create a life filled with greater meaning, peace and connection by integrating the wisdom of spirituality, psychology. Neuroscience, epigenetics and energy psychology. I hope to empower you to create deeper and more loving connections with yourself and others, whilst also paving the way for humanity at large to be reimagined and inspired to be become the very best version of it. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the integrated wisdom podcast. Thank you so much for joining me yet again for another week. This week. We're talking about. One of the most important. Aspects of navigating our relationships, navigating our lives. And navigating our spiritual journey and evolution. Many of you will have heard the Maxim. Know, thyself. Yeah. Or as Socrates. Once said. To know, thyself is the beginning of wisdom. So that is essentially what we are talking about today. The super power. That is self-awareness. And I'm going to be talking about self-awareness or the role that it plays. In these three different aspects. So how it serves us in our relationships. How it serves us in navigating life at large. And how it serves us in our spiritual evolution. And the reason I want to talk about this today, it's because I believe from my observations in the clinical setting and even just observing people at large. Self-awareness is something that we don't seem to develop very much. And I think by nature of the way society has been structured. More recently. We're not really encouraged to engage in introspection right. Our time. And our attention is bombarded with so many. Things to focus on. That We end up spending so much of our time distracted and absorbed in things that are outside of ourselves. And that prevents us from introspection and you can't have self-awareness without introspection. So I wanted to actually speak to that. Why, what are the obstacles for us getting To this point of self-awareness, but also why it's so important. That we start to incorporate this practice into our lives. In order to truly develop self-mastery. And the ability to feel more empowered In navigating your lives and the choices that we're making. So why don't we start there? Let's start with why self-awareness is important to navigate life a large. And if you think about. some of the core choices that we make the careers is that we choose, the friendships that we gravitate towards. If I was to ask you why you do some of the things that you do. Would you be clear on why that is? Or if I asked you what your values are, do you think you'd know. I mean, I think on a high level, we all seem to, have an idea of what we think our values are. But when you started to actually drill down on what truly matters to you. What makes you happy? what brings you peace? I think most of us don't know. And it's because we don't take the time. to know. I am always struck. By how many people I see in clinical practice who when They're describing feeling really unfulfilled in their work or. Really burnt-out and when you start to ask them, well, What is it that would bring you joy? What do you think you would like to be doing instead? I'm often confronted with blank faces. They don't really know. And there's so many reasons for that, right? Like I think particularly in career, A lot of us are, Taken down particular career paths for reasons that aren't very aligned to our true essence. So we'll choose careers because, it's an expectation that our family may have for us. Or we have people who make their career decisions based on. Financial security. So they will push down the things that really light them up and bring them joy. And focus instead on things that are practical, that are likely to give them financial security. And, then wonder why they're hating every second. Or even where we choose to live. Or in how we choose to structure our lives. We're bombarded with messages from a really early age, particularly now in this era of the internet. We're exposed to so many opinions and lifestyles. All the time. these messages are bombarding us and conditioning as to think that life needs to look a particular way. And very few of us will take that step back and ask well, but does that even fit for me? Does that align with what I want and what makes me happy and brings me joy or brings me peace. Not everybody. Wants to be hustling it and crushing it. But we're told that we should. We're told that we should, or that success can only come. If we're aspiring to these things. If you have a relationship. Or a family and a successful career by a particular age, that seems to be a really big one these days. There's this idea that there is an age to achieve certain things. And there's a rising sense of panic. If people are getting close to. 30. I don't know why this, generation seem to be so concerned with achieving these life goals by the time they're 30, but it's a common theme that I hear. And. They're so busy trying to tick the boxes. That they don't even understand if those boxes belong there in the first place. All right. So then if I asked the question, well, why is this important to you? It's, it's usually a blank face. And then, oh, I don't know. Isn't that what's important to everybody. Isn't that what he should be important. I have to think. With a lot. Shouldn't. I be doing these things. And. That is a really straight path towards burnout. It's a straight path towards dissatisfaction. In some cases, even depression or anxiety. Because it's like sometimes when we disconnect from our essence we start to feel that in. In the form of anxiety or in the form of depression, These are all signals from our body And our soul that we're going down the wrong path. So. The more I understand. where self-awareness is important in navigating life at large. Is the more I understand what matters to me. What resonates for me? Then the easier it will be for me To make choices. That are aligned that are going to take me towards places of safety. And alignment for me. This is self-awareness is important in even just knowing. How you construct your life. The choices you make on a daily basis. About how you want to construct your life. Can only be made in an informed way when you understand yourself deeply. If I asked you. What are some dreams that you may have? Well, what really lights you up? What are some. Hobbies or activities that just speak to your soul. Do you have really quick answers to that question? What do you feel like you have to think about it? You've never thought about it before. You can't have an intentional live. If you're not the one driving the car. And you can't drive the car. If you don't know. The direction you're headed in. If you don't know. What car you have. How much fuel you have. What maps you have to draw from. All of these things are super important to feel like you're actually living a life of intention. Otherwise, what happens is we're all just kind of going with the flow. And sometimes we have to go with the flow. But not in the way that's described right. Going with the flow isn't is about living a life. That's. More. Flexible being open. To connect with and assess the various possibilities, holding everything lightly because nothing is permanent. But in some ways we interpret going with the flow with. Things just happening to us. Just allowing ourselves to be carried by life. And not really making intentional decisions. So that's one way that. The lack of self-awareness can be really challenging. Yeah, it can lead us down paths that are really painful. It can take us down. Career choices or other lifestyle choices that really just don't serve us. And we keep, We keep recognizing, oh, this is, this makes me feel unhappy. Or I don't like this. But you can't really remove yourself from the situation because you don't know what you do like or what you do want instead. Which leads into why self-awareness is important and in our relationships. Right. So many people don't understand. What they want. In a partnership. We all think mostly know what we don't want. But knowing what you don't want to tell, doesn't tell you anything about what you do want and why it matters. And so. We ended up stumbling on relationships and partners and friendships. And we go off the vibe. We go off. Oh, do I like this person or I want to be friends with that person. But do we ever stop? Take the moments to ask ourselves why. What is it about this person? That's drawing me. That's calling to me. What are the situations in, within a relationship that bring out the best in me? And what are the dynamics in a relationship that brings out the worst in me? That are just really unhealthy. For me. Again, if I don't understand myself, I end up. Making decisions or. Repeating patterns that are unhealthy for me. Because I believe, well, this is just what I do. This is what I've always done. And I don't even understand why I do it, but I've never taken the time to understand why I do it. So self-awareness is really about understanding that the strings that are pulling us behind the scenes. And this is a little bit of an embarrassing example to use, but. I think it illustrates this so beautifully. I am. I have to admit that I am a recovering people pleaser. And self-sacrifice. You don't go into a helping profession without having a tendency to people, please, a self sacrifice. And. I'm someone who is by nature. Very introspective. I'm an introvert by nature. I am analytical by nature, so I am always introspecting. I'm always reflecting. On myself. on what drives me. And I've always believed that I had a lot of self-awareness. And to some extent I did, but that didn't make me immune to have invisible strings pulling. in the background. at me that I wasn't aware of. And it wasn't until I started doing my own self-development work. With my beautiful coach Haley. That I started to understand. That, you know, what I thought was my self-sacrificing was just me living of my values of service. It really became apparent to me, was she made, she made it apparent to me. That I didn't have to sacrifice myself in order to serve. That. nugget of gold had never really occurred to me. But, you know, in particularly the people pleasing tendency in these two things tend to go hand in hand. But the people pleasing tendency was one that I somehow just couldn't see myself. I never thought of myself as a people pleaser. And when she first. brought it to my attention in a coaching call. I remember internally thinking what?. Who is she talking about? I'm not a people pleaser. How deluded was I. Because when I sat down and I really thought about it, And it's, this is the beauty of introspection. Once you see something, you can't unsee it. And she pointed it out and that just opened up my curiosity to go exploring within myself. To find out, like, what is she seeing that I'm not seeing. Why does she think. That I have a people pleasing tendency. I can't see it. And then of course, as I reflected more and more. All of these examples started rising to the surface. You know, In this tendency to be super agreeable, to maybe. Not always verbalize when someone has hurt my feelings straight away. You know, in fact, I often am able to. To just brush it aside and rationalize in my head, why something happened. That was hurtful. But it's, it's a disservice to me to not raise it and its a disservice to that person as well. Right. It prevents our friendship from. From developing further from, from deepening and improving. It starts. Becoming. a breeding ground for resentment. If it's not addressed over time. And. You know, I just started seeing all of these examples one after the other of how. my people pleasing. I was well and truly rife in my life. But. It was also not serving me. So this is a danger of Lacking self-awareness. Right. This is where it doesn't really work for us. To not understand these tenancies is conditioning programs that we have. Because you can't overcome what you don't. Know. But in relationships. our ability to be self-aware. Is absolutely essential. To be able to choose the right partner, to be able to navigate our relationships with greater ease. Right. How many of us end up with people that have absolutely. Nothing to do with us. Our values aren't aligned. We're not compatible. We don't really have the same ways of operating. And yet we find ourselves with these people. Because the chemistry is really intense or. Because we're afraid to be. On our own. We ended up staying in relationships. So much longer than we should. Because we don't understand what we really want. In, in a relationship or in a partnership. the more I understand myself, the more I understand my motivations and what drives me, the more intentional and informed I can be in the way that I interact with other people. And so having that clarity of mind, I don't want to just have fun. I'm at a point in my life where I would want to have a family. I want to be. Really moving towards that. I want to know that when I'm investing time and energy in somebody that we're both looking for the same thing and it's okay if it's still not the right fit, but we're both actually moving towards the same goal. Very few people have that conversation. I tell my clients all the time, who are single and dating. and they are very clear on the fact that they want a relationship Just start moving towards something serious. I was sick of. Just dating casually. To be really explicit about that, to be really intentional about that. Right. And if somebody is very clear about the fact that they're not looking for that, that they just want to see where it goes, then you tell them, well, thank you very much, but I'm actually looking For someone who I can. Evaluate the possibility of a future with, and who wants a future. With somebody. And I can hear that you're not there yet. This was a nice, yeah, this was lovely. But. I don't think this is going to work. And some people will say to you. Some people might be thinking, oh, but doesn't that mean that I'm closing myself off to opportunities. And I say to you, I think the likelihood of it not being an opportunity is much higher than it being an opportunity. Right. Like you're, you're going to increase your chances of finding what you truly want exponentially. If you're really clear on what it is that you need and you advocate for that at every turn. So, if someone's telling you, they're not, they're not in a place in their lives where they're looking for something serious. Why would you invest any more time and energy? On that. Right. It doesn't matter if that person could have been an amazing partner. They're not in a point in their lives yet. Where there. They're willing and able. To embody that for a you or for anybody for that matter. But there'll be people out there in the world who will be. So you gravitate towards the people and they can offer you what you want. But you need to know what that is. And you need to be willing to ask for it. Right. It's the same thing with knowing the kind of partnerships. That are going to bring you the most. The most joy. If I'm someone who. Values intellectual pursuits who values stimulating conversations. Who values affection. Am I going to be a hundred percent happy in a relationship where my partner. It doesn't really like to talk about things in depth. You know, or isn't really. Verbally or physically affectionate. That's really challenging to make that work. Right. But if you know that this is something, if this is important to you, then one, you know, to ask for it. But you then also realize that, I'm never going to get what my needs mentioned, this relationship. And so then you can make the informed decision to either. Accept that and find ways to have those needs met in other ways. Like through friendships or family or other endeavors. That don't harm the relationship. Or I'm going to recognize, okay, this partnership is very, it's far too limited for me. You know, I'm going to be more unhappy and dissatisfied, then I'm going to be happy and so we both deserve the right to find more of what we're looking for in a partnership. And the best chance we have of finding that is with other people, But that requires that self awareness. And so in summary, in order for us to really be able to build the relationships that we want. Whether it be our partnerships or our friendships. We need to understand ourselves, our needs. What drives us? So that you can ask for it. So you can set the boundaries that you need to set to feel safe in that relationship. So that you, you can understand what your emotional needs are in that relationship in order to ask for them. We can't expect the other to just instinctively know. Right. And we certainly can't expect them to know if we don't take the time to learn it for ourselves, what it is that drives us. And that would give us joy. So self-awareness is probably the most important. Skill. That one can have in order to set ourselves up for success in our partnerships, in our relationships in general. And lastly, the role that self-awareness plays in our spiritual evolution. Is again, it's in understanding. These parts of us. That are still working in the shadows. Right. If you have been following along throughout the episodes, you would have heard me talk about. The spiritual context of life and how our souls are evolving towards attaining a state. Of pure unconditional love. For those of you who haven't yet had an opportunity to listen to some of the earlier episodes. I'd recommend you going back to episode five. Where I talk about the spiritual perspective of why we're here. Just to get a bit more of a grounded understanding. Oh of. What I'm talking about now. But every relationship, every situation that we're facing. These are all vehicles for our spiritual evolution. They're helping us understand more and more about ourselves. They're helping us to understand and reflect back to us. The elements within me that still need to be. Transmuted let go of that are holding me back. From, you know, moving further up along that path of becoming unconditional love. So the situations where I feel fear situations where I might feel envy situations where I might still be caught up in my ego Or I might feel pride. You know, all of these, all of these situations are really important. Like all of these relationships in our lives. will show us these elements. They reflect back to us. These parts of ourselves that are still in need of being purified. Right. But I can only see that if I take the time to introspect. To reflect on. My reactions, what drives me, why I am saying and doing the things that I'm doing. You know, what, what is it that I'm really trying to communicate or what's really going on for me? And we can't really get those answers. If we don't take the time to reflect or understand ourselves. something might happen. Like someone might say something. Unexpected. And you have a really strong reaction to it. I can almost out of character reaction, right? You get really upset. We get really, really angry. And it's just bubbling inside you and you're hating. Whatever it was that said, that was said or done. But you're like so shocked at the same time. with your reaction, like you're not someone who tends to react this way, who tends to just explode. Or let things get under your skin so much. And, and so you stopping to ask the question, like what is it about this. This comment, the situation. That's getting under my skin like this. Why am I responding to this situation in this way? In such a strong visceral way. I don't get it. Right. And so when you start to reflect, you might understand that. Oh, okay. That's what's going on from me. That comment activated my fear of being seen as stupid or unintelligent or incapable. Or. You know, whatever it is, it. Press the button that I have of not being good enough in whatever way we all have that button. And it's, you know, there's a myriad of ways in which we may not feel good enough. And sometimes someone comes along and they press that button and immediately we respond. in this really wounded way. So it's really not about that person. It's about me and what I still need to work on. at the moment, We're living in times where again, We're so polarized right there. So many strong opinions flying around about all sorts of things. And. You know, we might find ourselves sometimes agreeing with certain. Commentary or certain perspectives. That. Don't really align with our overall higher level values. No, we might find ourselves being a little bit judgmental with so easy these days in social media, isn't it to get on the bandwagon of judgment and criticism and. Admonishing other people. Anyone who's listening to these debates on. Uh, gosh, pick a topic, but probably one of the most hotly contested topics right now is gender identity. There's a sense of smug superiority on both sides of this debate. Right. And if you find yourself slightly aligned in any way with either side, You might feel. This smugness inside you too. You might feel this slight sense of moral superiority in yourself too. Right. Doesn't matter what side of this debate you're on. I can guarantee. Both sides have the exact same sense of smug superiority and going on. But when we have that activated. in ourselves, and we can recognize that in ourselves and what it is. All that is, is a signal to us that oh, okay. I still need to work on this. There's still a part of me. That vibrates on pride. There's still a part of me that vibrates on judgment. And I need to work on my capacity for compassion. My capacity for understanding. You know, my capacity for tolerance. For acceptance. To be able to disconnect and clear myself completely from this tendency to vibrate on that low level. Because only once I can completely remove myself from that ability. Do I start then moving closer and closer to becoming pure unconditional love. Right. If that makes sense, but again, we cannot understand that we have these, these parts of us that still need healing that still need cleaning. Until we start to take the time to reflect and look at ourselves dispassionately. And honestly, You know, non defensively. That's what insight is insight is, the ability to look at ourselves objectively. To be able to look at ourselves without agenda. And see the good, the bad, the ugly within us accepted in recognize that as part of who we are. And then go about the task of, you know, strengthening the things that serve us and working on letting go of the things that do not. So self-awareness. Is the super superpower. It's the superpower of that oversees everything. When we're communicating when we're regulating ourselves. Our boundaries, all these other skills that are super important in our relationships navigating life. In, in navigating our spiritual journey. They all hinge on the platform of self-awareness. The more, I understand myself, the more effective I will be at knowing what my boundaries are and asserting them at Communicating effectively. And non-violently at regulating my nervous system and my emotions. Right. So you cannot have any of those without first having self-awareness. So in summary, we've talked about today. Why self-awareness is the most important superpower. That we possess. It's the most important skill. Worth developing. Right. And it's one that we'll keep developing throughout our lifetimes. We're never, Completely finished. We're constantly reflecting back and assessing. Cause as life happens to us. We will start to see different parts of ourselves reflected back. Things that we didn't really understand. We'll start seeing that reflected back to us and it'll give us the opportunity to understand ourselves a little bit more. And again, refine. the qualities that serve us and. Work towards removing the traits. That don't. And we talked about why self-awareness is important when it comes to navigating life in general, how it's important to understand what drives us, what leads us to make the decisions that we make in our lives. So that we can feel like the masters of our life. Like we're choosing things that are truly aligned for. For me and my essence, as opposed to just living for the expectations of others. Right. Self-awareness is really important in that. It's also important in how we navigate our relationships. How we choose partners, how we choose friendships. The more self aware I am. The clearer, I will be in my ability to understand my boundaries. My emotional needs my emotional triggers and be able to regulate my emotions and my nervous system to be able to have effective communication, to be able to create a partnership. Of safety. Right. So it all starts with self awareness, even in. Choosing partners, the more self-aware I am. The better. My chances are of choosing the partner. That's right. For me, that's most aligned for me in a positive way. And lastly, the role that self-awareness plays in our overarching spiritual evolution. The more, I understand the parts of me that still need to be. Transmuted that still needs to be dealt with. As I moved towards becoming a more compassionate, loving being, understanding The shadow parts of myself. and the things that trigger it. will give me a greater sense of mastery in my spiritual evolution. And will give me the ability to make better decisions to work on the wounds that there that needs to be. cleaned, to. Transmute the lower vibration energies and emotions that are there. That are interfering with my ability to manifest the highest expression of me. You know, it all, it all hinges on understanding who I am. And so as little takeaway task that you can start to implement. Already. With this in mind. one of the most powerful things that you can do to start developing self-awareness. Is journaling. And it doesn't have to be pages and pages of journaling every day. It can be something as simple as a paragraph. Or, you know, A couple of lines where you're just reflecting on. Something that happened that day, that led to you feeling a particular, a really strong reaction. It could be both positive and negative. And really sitting with the question of, okay, what is it about this situation? That made me react in this way. If I had the most amazing experience. I just left that. Situation. Really feeling expanded and buzzing, connecting with her. What is it about that situation that allowed me to feel this way to create this experience for myself? I could just be myself in that situation. I felt, I wasn't really worrying about how I was coming across. I could just speak really honestly and authentically. And then if you want, you can go even deeper than that and ask yourself the question. Well, okay. What is it about the people that were in that situation or that situation that allow me to be, even be able to do that? And if it's a negative experience. What is it about this experience that I really didn't like. Like, why did that make me feel really uncomfortable? And you can connect with. With the emotions that were. We're triggered for you in that situation. what is this telling me about me? Start getting into the habit. Of journaling a little bit every day to start exercising this muscle of self-awareness. Okay. And so that's it for today. I have gone way, way, way over. Always. I would love to hear what you took away from this episode. So please feel free to DM me. You can find me on Instagram at integrated underscore wisdom. And I would, I'd love to hear your thoughts. this is first and foremost. a platform where I want to be serving you to the fullest of my ability. So I welcome your feedback and how I can do this better. And. If you're enjoying the content and you haven't already, I invite you to please hit subscribe and share it with others who you feel are going to be benefiting from the conversations that we're having here. and it would mean the world to me. If you would give me a rating in the app of your choice. That's the only way at the moment that I have of knowing if what I'm doing is landing for you guys. If it's, Resonating for you. And. If I'm on the right track. So I thank you yet again for. Taking the time to listen I hope you all have a lovely week. And I will see you all next time. Thank you for tuning into this episode of Integrated Wisdom. It's my sincere wish that today's episode may have intrigued and inspired you to reclaim your power and step into becoming more fully integrated spiritual beings. New episodes are published every Wednesday, and I hope you'll continue to join us as we dive deeper into what it means to live an integrated life. So if it feels aligned to you, I invite you to hit subscribe and share it with others who you feel may benefit too. You may also find me on Instagram at integrated underscore wisdom. Remember, each moment is an opportunity to embrace your divine potential and create a world that is more frequently inspired. So for now, stay connected, stay inspired, and keep shining your light into the world.