The STUber Podcast
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The STUber Podcast
S2 | EP2: One Night in Miami
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My special guest, Rico Suave, breaks down his journey from living for the thrill to chasing real, meaningful connections. We talk growth, love, and how setting boundaries and staying authentic has shaped his relationships today.
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Intro
Speaker 1I'll tell you . Actually , I was coming from Puerto Rico , yes , sir , and I met a nice Puerto Rican in Miami and I just didn't even know who she was , but she knew me . What , how's that work ? Yeah , I don't know . Oh yeah , and she was speaking Spanish the whole time . She assumed I spoke Spanish , but you don't have a lot of Spanish , no , okay , but she , no , okay , she . She understood quickly that I didn't speak and we shared a day in Miami and A day , yeah , just a day , and that night turned into love , passion and sex Just finished , yes , uncut . Yeah , it gets raw . Yeah , and it was a good experience and , uh , definitely it was that adventure . It was just not knowing what tomorrow may bring , but that in the 20s I , definitely up to the hype of it fed what she wanted from me , uh , and she gave me what I wanted . Uh was an adventure , uh , it was beautiful . There's something that I can actually put in the chest and lock away and move forward to who I am today .
Speaker 2It's your boy , sdot Breezy . We're in the building , so happy to have our guest today . Mr Suave Cito Rico . Suave , the man , the myth and the legend . Very few people get that moniker , but I think you deserve that moniker . You definitely have that mystique to you . Uh , how are you feeling ?
Speaker 1feeling good . Yes , sir , turned up . Thank you for having me on .
Speaker 2Yes , sir , thank you for coming , and I specifically wanted to do this show with you because you've a man who's experienced the highs , the lows , the ups and downs , as it pertains to love , pain and relationships . Specifically , I think we're going to try to hone in on a couple of key topics , which would be how to hold space for your partner Definitely yep and also setting boundaries , which is critical . It's key . So do yourself a favor by sticking around and hearing from Mr Rico Suave 12 years with the public transportation industry . They have you doing some training at this point in time .
Speaker 1Yes , I've just been promoted to an instructor trainer .
Speaker 2Nice , nice Cheers to that man . We got our drink and our two steps . So if you hear a little clinkety clink , it means that that's a drinkety drink . Yeah , thanks to Crown , but drink responsibly , correct . Yes , let's get into it , man , let's not waste any time . One thing I noticed about Rico you've definitely got that charisma . That fellas can take some notes from your book . So talk to me about that .
Speaker 1Definitely , suave is a name that I had to live up to , with my father naming me Rico from the Miami Vice show Right . And as I got older and through experience , I learned that Rico Suave is more just being genuine Just being genuine with people , and that's where the Suave comes in at . How can you just interact with others and make them feel good about themselves ? Once I honed that and targeted into just making others feel good about themselves , it helped me become more Rico Suavez that I am today man , I didn't expect to hear that , so it's all about uplifting others always .
Speaker 2Yes , that's what . That's something that you keep as a core value .
Speaker 1It is one of my core values is always to please others first , learn from their perspectives and just enjoy the experience . That's really the whole Rico Suave . Is that experience ? What ?
Speaker 2does that ?
Speaker 1mean Experience in others , experience in life . Oh , that is your mindset . That's my mindset . It's just to have an experience , ok , not to come in like alpha , but what can I experience ? It's not my show , okay , I'm just here producing it . And it's your show , okay .
Speaker 2Let's get into the journey of love that we came here to talk about At 21, . Your mindset was exploration and fun , right , figuring out who you were and what you wanted , and so you made some mistakes , right ? So talk to us about that time period .
Speaker 1Definitely coming in at a younger age . My whole thing was just the adventure , the fun , the attraction , the whole . Living on the edge of the chase that was the whole journey . Was the chase at that time ? Not really having a goal ? Starting into my love life , it was more just an adventure . Yeah , what do you mean by chase ? As males , we love the fact that we have to go ahead and get the ladies numbers see what they like , taking them on dates , getting to know them . All that was just an adventure .
Speaker 2It was the chase . Okay , all that was the chase .
Speaker 1All that was the chase , all that was exciting . That's changed . Yes , my whole mindset has changed , now being at 35
The Chase
Speaker 1.
Speaker 2Just saying , that chase is more refined , that you don't just go at everything you see .
Speaker 1No no , it's more like a wolf looking for their prey . It's almost like you kind of seek out what you want and certain women have that itch that makes you want to scratch it , and when you come across that , you want to do everything in your power to just get her . What is the itch that makes you want to scratch ? It could be anything her feeding to your ego , her feeding to your desires . Okay , all those things come into place where you're trying to acquire her .
Speaker 2This is at 35 or at 21 ? More at 21 .
Speaker 1Oh , okay , and now that I got older , the things that I find more interesting as far as a chase is stability , culture , relationship , the future , not so much just the surface level , it's more deeper than that . You want to find somebody you can share your experiences with . Okay , so is there a cutoff , an age cutoff ? I never had a cutoff in age . When I was 21 , I was dating 40-year-olds . I was dating way older than me .
Speaker 2Do you want ?
Speaker 1to handle a 40-year-old at 20 ? Yeah , like we said earlier , I'm a man of learning and I wanted to learn , and one thing that an older woman taught me was to listen and to speak less , okay , and to listen more , uh-huh .
Speaker 2So I took that into my journey and that actually helped shape how I woo women , okay , wow , so you soaked up gain , soaked up a lot of gain . Wow , so you soaked up game , soaked up a lot of game From your partnership or your relationship with , sometimes , women that were older , definitely , and you would share that as advice to a younger man hey , don't hesitate to date someone who's older , not trying to get in their pocket but to soak up game . Is that what you're saying ?
Speaker 1your mindset was the game was to reach one , teach one Much as I learned . The game is to pass it forward .
Speaker 2Hmm , Okay , so you mentioned what you look for in a partner shifted right . So what is that shift ? What are you starting to look for in the 30s right ?
Speaker 130s . I'm looking for someone more of my age now . I have no kids , not married , and you want to start a family . So going older might not always be the way to go . So that's the change there Today someone within my age group that can have kids and have a family . Finding somebody that's the mindset at my age now .
Speaker 2Yeah , not just trying to one-night stand them , but something long-term .
Speaker 1Yeah , 20s was the one-night stands , 30s is more the longevity . Okay , so the one one night stands . How did you deal with that ? It was they don't get attached .
Speaker 2No , it was fun , it was an escape . What was it ? Yes , definitely tell me about one in miami or oh man , because it's old news , ain't like like she goes .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah , it's not gonna come back and haunt me wasn't one that got attached there was one that got attached and we definitely had an understanding . I'll tell you , actually , I was coming from Puerto Rico , yes , sir , and I met a nice Puerto Rican in Miami and I just didn't even know who she was , but she knew me . How's that work ? Yeah , I don't know . Oh yeah , and she was speaking Spanish the whole time . She assumed I spoke Spanish .
Speaker 2But you don't have a lot of Spanish .
Speaker 1No , okay , but she— no , okay , but she understood quickly that I didn't speak and we shared a day in Miami A day , yeah , just a day , and that night turned into love , passion and sex Just finished . Yes , passion and sex , just yes . Uncut , yeah , it gets raw . Yeah , and it was a good experience and definitely it was that adventure . It was just not knowing what tomorrow may bring , but that in the 20s I definitely went up to the hype of it . I fed what she wanted from me and she gave me what I wanted . It was an adventure , it was beautiful , it's something that I can actually put in the chest and lock away and move forward to who I am today .
Speaker 2Really , yes , that has a value in who you are today , that experience .
Speaker 1Definitely I don't have to go to sleep at night tossing and turning , wishing I was out there for an appetite of chasing women . I'm always be happy with the woman that's laying next to me , with no desires of chasing any other woman , because you already been there and I think that's the key was to have those adventures in my early 20s .
Speaker 2Okay , but just a little disclaimer as we are drinking responsibly , we are also strapping up on the Jimmy hat , because it's a cold game could lead to a lifetime of pain .
Speaker 1Definitely , safety was always number one , so practice safe intercourse .
Speaker 2Yes , I got this far , thanks to magnum . So how do you counsel people , or how do you counsel yourself , on when is it time to lay your bone , if the opportunity presents itself .
Speaker 1I like it now because I have way more self-control . Okay , I don't have the urge like I did when I was in my 20s . I really have so much more control on willpower . I can really sit back and say , no , I don't need to go that route Because . Because it doesn't fit for me , it doesn't fit for my peace , it doesn't fit for my agenda . And my agenda now is way different from when I was in my twenties .
Speaker 2So have you had women that have presented themselves not to be chauvinistic , but you know opportunities that presented themselves and you had to turn down .
Speaker 1Definitely , definitely .
Speaker 2I've turned it down and it's surprising they feel lightweight , rejected , or they accept it as he's a real man . That's a real stand up thing for him to do .
Speaker 1It's a little bit of both . I get the I'm rejected , but also I understand where you're at in life .
Speaker 2Right . So is it platonic that you're saying Are your friends on them or what is it ?
Speaker 1It's not even platonic . It's more when you're ready , these legs are ready for you .
Speaker 2Her legs or your legs ? Oh , her legs are ready .
Speaker 1Yeah , her legs are ready . Oh , okay , and if I want to go down that route , that opportunity is there . Ah yeah , it's not platonic more , it's more like whenever you're ready .
Speaker 2Gotcha , regardless of your situation , no , that opportunity , okay .
Speaker 1So I have to put it in . So is it about respecting the lady , respecting yourself , it's about respect for self-growth . Oh , okay , yeah , I don't need to have that .
Speaker 2I feel it . I feel it , I think I just caught it , so it's like I'm not there . I'm not who I was before .
Speaker 1I'm not going to do that .
Speaker 2Yes , that's not maturation . Yeah , it takes a lot of experience to get to that point . Yeah , cheers man , I'm running low , oh this time for me to refill up .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah . So , folks , thank you for stopping by . It will get richer , it will continue . So we haven't tapped into your wishes and desires at this point . Then stay with us . My man , rico Swigert , you're not going nowhere . I'm not going nowhere , I'm here . Okay , he's going to stick around for a hot second and I believe we're going to get into that more mature conversation about holding space and setting boundaries , which I really want to hear about why and when those boundaries had to be set for you .
Speaker 1Boundaries can work for you and it can work against you .
Speaker 2Okay , so we definitely need to get into one .
Love, Vulnerability, and Setting Boundaries
Speaker 2Today's episode was brought to you by Lorraine's Cafe . Homemade fresh , not frozen family recipes from her kitchen to your plate . Now . Lorraine's Cafe is a food truck , so to find out her next location , visit her on Instagram at lorrainescafe that's L-O-R-R-A-I-N-E-S dot cafe and mention code Stuber . Get 10% off whatever you order , and I highly recommend the buttermilk fried chicken strips with hand-cut sweet legacy french fries . So good , see you . There Is that , trey Songz .
Speaker 1That is Trigger , trigger Trey songs . That is trigger trigger Trey with the vocals .
Speaker 2the author of my life . Author of your life . Talk to us about it . One love there's a name of this song and this song had an impact on you .
Speaker 1Talk to us about that definitely Trey songs , with the producer of Troy Taylor , took the lyrics and it's almost as if we was writing in the studio together as I was going through my love life , and uh definitely played a huge part . I mean , every time I was going through a situation or trying to find some kind of therapy , those lyrics definitely spoke to me . And this song right here was called one love , uh-huh , uh , by trey songs and uh , troy taylor , and and just basically just signifying uh , putting your pride and ego aside to let your lady know I'm here to be the foundation , I'm , I'm done playing games . This is what I want and who I want it with . And it goes on to saying one mind , one heart , one love .
Speaker 2And that was like the foundation of what you're trying to build with somebody , okay , so you presented that to a lady before , yeah , and then what happened ? Has it always panned out ?
Speaker 1No , it was always about self-growth and being vulnerable . Vulnerability became part of my growth . Feeling that heartbreak was part of my growth . I kind of figured that out . I have to be vulnerable and understand what I want . I never knew how to articulate it and music became 50% of my articulation .
Speaker 2I would say that you got to move in stages , stages . You can't just be vulnerable from day one .
Speaker 1Right , exactly . You definitely gotta understand if you're first compatible and if y'all on the same page , vulnerability comes with . Are we on the same page ? So once you figured out that both of you are compatible , you start to see that the vulnerability comes in layers .
Speaker 2Layers or stages .
Speaker 1Layers and in stages .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1So there's stages to it and then there's different layers that you have to unravel to say , okay , I can trust this person , I can be transparent with this person and say that I can show this part of me . For me and my love life life being vulnerable has been very hard . I could never be vulnerable in the relations I was in and that was hard for me . You always had the guard up , so to speak , always , always had the guard up of protecting my broken heart . Really , yeah , who did that ? It was broken before I even got into the love game , I believe who did that before I even got into the love game ?
Speaker 2I believe who did that Is it past relationships or just other .
Speaker 1I think it was pretty much the people you love growing up as a child that saw their broken hearts kind of pass down into my broken heart and I think I kind of carried that into my life as I grew up . Wait a minute .
Speaker 2You say that if your mother or father had some sort of brokenness , relationship , trauma , it could transfer into your interpretation of life Definitely and experiences .
Speaker 1Definitely . You know your mother is your first love . For any man , your mother is your first love . So seeing your mother being brokenhearted or your parents split it would definitely for me . It trickled down into how I wanted to keep my guard up , not to be hurt .
Speaker 2So they say wounded people , wound other people .
Speaker 1Yeah , I am the sins of my parents , really .
Speaker 2Yeah , wow , I thought you were going to connect to a high school relationship it runs deep , but high school was my first love .
Speaker 1I had a high school lover and she was definitely my first love . And then that turmoil just certified what was always there before . Wait , it soured . Is that what you said ? It was some turmoil .
Speaker 2Turmoil .
Speaker 1And then it just certified pretty much what I already thought love would be .
Speaker 2So Rico , the man from Miami , the man , the myth of leverage , is a victim . He's not victimizing .
Speaker 1No , I don't want to be a victim so much . I more want to kind of be the bystander . Yeah , I'd rather be the bystander than the victim . You don't want to get involved . Yeah , I'm more of let me see what needs to be fixed here than actually the victim with the wounds Some wounds you can never heal , and these wounds was never inflicted to me directly , but seeing that it affected somebody else , has affected me .
Speaker 1Yes , I'd rather be the bystander . I think I'm the bystander of broken hearts . And that's when music kind of embodied what I felt . Right , I couldn't articulate it . It was new to me , yeah . The heartbreak , the love , the passion , the sex , all of it was new . Uh-huh and uh , music became part of the uh that . The orchestra , yeah , for what I was feeling , yeah , and I moved on with that music has been a bit of a diary , so to speak .
Speaker 2It's been the author of my love life . So another song you said was a big part of your journey was by Usher , am I correct ?
Speaker 1yes , usher , definitely it's called Before I Met you , uh-huh , and that goes into growth . It's telling your lover . Before I met you I was this person , I was a hustler , I was a player , but with you I found growth , and that's a deep song that I really could relate to .
Speaker 2Let's take a listen to this . Yeah , before I met you .
Speaker 1Just in case I never see your face again . Just in case the worst was meant to happen , just in case tomorrow never come .
Speaker 2Wow , I don't think I've actually listened to that song like that . Yeah , that one's deep . Who are we ?
Speaker 1dedicating that to Do you remember ? Yes , I do vividly there's a specific season yeah , I was day-to-day in a woman that , uh , that truly opened my eyes . It's not about me . It took me out of rico su . It wasn't about winning her over . It was about being transparent , about loving her for who she is and being her support .
Speaker 2Love it , love it . I've got to put a pin in that one . Stick that to the wall one time . But it also leads us to our topic . We have two of them today , which is setting boundaries . So how do you deal with that as a single man ?
Speaker 1Where are we at in this relationship ? Are we a year in ? Are we two years in ? Are we three months in ? No , all matters , all matters , yeah . So if we're three months in , I'm just going to sit back and see how you move . How you move , okay . If we a year in and we're locked in I'm going to express my boundaries Is locked in monogamous what is locked in ? Locked in means we're not messing around . We're trying to figure out where this is going to lead and if this is going to lead to something more serious . I want to see right now if you can respect my boundaries and be transparent about that . I want to see if you're going to tell me if you're going to go such and such and who you're going to hang with and respect that , if we have a disagreement , that we can come together and talk it out peacefully .
Speaker 2So trust trumps transparency then .
Speaker 1Trust for me leaves too much expectation . I'd rather have the transparency of you just voluntarily telling me than me having to ask questions , trusting that you would tell me the truth . I would trust more of your transparency with me .
Speaker 2Transparency is a sign of being a trustworthy person . Is that what you're saying ? It's that we're connected .
Speaker 1We're one . Yeah , we're one . Going back to the Trey Songz songs one love , we're one mind to the Trey Songz songs one love , we're one mind , one heart , one love . What you do affects me and what I do affects you so you have a hieroglyphic prince tattoo , am I correct ?
Speaker 2yes , yeah , I've got it right here there was a song that is part of your journey , what it's called the beautiful oneses . The Beautiful Ones yeah . What's that song all about ? For ?
Speaker 1you . That song for me is really like I said before it puts your heart out there for someone you don't know if she's for you , you don't know if she's digging you . That one is more of do you want that guy that you're chasing , that you're curious about , or do you want me ? And it's really . I'm putting my heart on the line . And basically he says you know , the beautiful ones always smash the picture , always every time . And what does that mean , man ? You know that gets kind of deep .
Speaker 2Let's have a listen to the beautiful ones . Beautiful ones , yeah .
Speaker 1Baby , baby , baby .
Speaker 2What's it gonna be ? Baby , baby , baby . Is it him or is it me ?
Speaker 1Don't make me waste my time .
Speaker 2Don't make me lose my mind , baby . He said is it him or is it me ? Yeah , he wants to know where he stands , and that's what we just talked about . Where do you stand ? Where ?
Speaker 1are we at ? What are we moving towards ? Marriage , love , what are we doing ? Mm-hmm , yeah , love has always been the goal for me . That's the end game . That's the end game . I don't want to leave this earth without experiencing that .
Speaker 2Mm want to leave this earth without experiencing that ? Yeah , so it's a quest , yeah , and we're swimming upstream in hopes to find that mate .
Speaker 1Yeah , rico suave wants a lover . You put it out there . Yeah , rico suave is looking for a one woman a twin flame they call it . Yeah . Yeah , I'm not out here to to be uh , dipping and dabbing all these one stands . I really want to cherish one woman , right ? Yeah , that's really the real Rico Suave .
Speaker 2You know this has been a great conversation . I want to get into the aspect of holding space for your partner . What does that mean ? To hold space for someone in a relationship ? Why is that an important , uh , characteristic of a good ?
Speaker 1relationship . Man , that's a good question . That's pretty deep , yeah and uh . You gotta hold space for your lover's feelings . You want to share the deepest secrets . You want to be intertwined with with each other and have thorns on that vine . Nobody else can get in , anybody that tries to come and touch that rose with the thorns , they can't . So it's just only you two .
Speaker 2And that's important because you want to be in the pocket , so to speak , with that partner right , that person that can hold that space without judgment and you know you touched on it Judgment , yeah , you're in a space where you guys are listening to each other without judgment .
Speaker 1You're trusting each other without judgment , and judgment is everything . Judgment can really limit or be limitless in a relationship , and that's the quest . And a lot of people have not passed the RICO test . No , and it's sad . I've a lot of people have not passed the RICO test no , and it's sad . I've been at this for a long time , A long time .
Speaker 2But you caught the garter at my wedding . I thought you caught it . I caught two .
Speaker 1I think so far that means you're next up you know that right . It's the signs the universe is telling me I'm next and it's just that I have to be prepared , and I think that's where all the growth and experience comes in . At it's for me to be prepared . That garter is a sign . Yeah , thanks .
Speaker 2Toast to the garter . Thanks . Well , listen , man , as we come to a close . Here we're looking at uh 2025 you ready for that ? One , definitely so my question to you is you can speak to it as relationships or just goals in general , talk to me about anything you've thought about for 2025 . Toast to 2025 . Yes , sir , my cup needs refilling , but yes , sir , 2025 is all about relationship , is it ?
Speaker 1It's all about relationship and peace . For me , I think I've set groundbreaking for the goals that I've had . Yes , sir , I've had the experiences . I've had the love . I have had the one night stands , sometimes one , sometimes two at the same time , but now it's more for longevity , legacy , and that one person I don't know today but who am I going to , who they're going to be tomorrow ? So I'm looking for that love . Hopefully , 2025 , 2026 , you'll see a married Rico Suave with kids , and that's the goal . That's the goal . That's the goal , that's the goal 2025 to be married , 2026 kids . I didn't know that . Yeah , I'm letting on .
Speaker 2You heard it here first Breaking news . But let me ask you this , though what are you going to do concretely to achieve that goal .
Speaker 1Boundaries is going to be the key point is if I'm going to set the boundaries for myself and for others myself and for others to let myself open up , be more vulnerable to this love . Am I going to allow somebody in ? Oh , got you , yeah , because I've never let one , no one , fully in .
Speaker 2If you got so much to protect , you can't just let people in so much , I gotta let it go it's .
Speaker 1It's taking a toll on me . I gotta let all that go . I gotta let all the past hurt , pain , love I gotta let that go . I gotta be free and just take it as a lesson . That's who made me who I am today , at age 35 . Now I didn't know you were . You were guarded . I didn't know that very guarded . This is the only time I was able to open up about it cheers to that , cheers of love in 2025 I get you refilled up . I'm buzzed in here already , are you ?
Speaker 2Uh-huh , Okay , sir , Peace y'all why ? Thanks for listening . If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast , please share it with others , post about it on social media or leave a rating and review . To catch all the latest from me , you can follow me on Instagram at Stuber underscore podcast . Thanks again and until next time , keep your head up and eyes on the road .
