Why you don’t need confidence to tell your story, with Stacia Keogh

You know that moment when someone stands up to speak and you can feel the disconnect? Their words are polished, their slides are tidy, their branding is on point, but something’s off. It’s like they’re performing at you, not speaking with you. They’ve planned every word, they’re sticking to their script, and they’d deliver it the same way no matter who was in the room.

This week’s guest, Stacia Keogh, has no time for that kind of stagecraft. She’s an embodied speaking coach, a traditional storyteller of over 40 years, and someone who has zero interest in teaching you how to sound more confident or look more polished. Instead, she wants to help you tell the story that’s been living in your body for years – the one you haven’t quite had the space, safety, or support to say out loud before.

She’s worked with everyone from “naughty” kids like me to nervous founders, C‑suite execs and quiet rebels. Whether she’s in a boarding school or a boardroom, her mission is the same: to get people speaking with power, not just polish. Not because they’ve nailed their tone of voice, memorised a clever anecdote, or mastered a three‑step framework where all the points start with the same letter, but because they mean it.

In our conversation, we talk about:

• Why injustice is the thread that runs through all of Stacia’s work
• What she really thinks about confidence
• How to find and structure the stories that actually matter
• Why your story doesn’t need permission, polish, or branded slide decks to be powerful
• The myth of thought leadership and the rage that fuels so much of women’s work
• The power of connection over performance

If you’ve ever turned down a speaking opportunity because you didn’t feel ready, or thought your ideas didn’t count because you weren’t “qualified enough”, this one’s for you.

So, grab a notebook, put down that Canva slide deck you’ve been working on for hours, and listen to Stacia get on her soapbox.

Stacia's Links:

Work with Stacia: "4 Hour Presentation" for the quick fix, or "Spotlight" for support stepping out of the shadow and into YOUR LIGHT!

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Email Stacia at info@staciakeogh.co.uk

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Transcript

1:18

You know that moment when someone stands up to speak and you can feel the disconnect. Their words are really polished. They've got funky, tidy slides, like their branding is tight, but something's off. It's like their performing at you, not speaking with you. They. Have planned what they've got to say. Um, and they're gonna say it and they would say it no matter who was in front of them in the room, like where they were, they're pretty much reciting what they've been practicing in front of the mirror for the last five weeks. This week's guest, Stacia has no time for that kind of stagecraft. She's an embodied speaking coach. A traditional storyteller of over 40 years and someone who has zero interest in teaching you how to sound more confident or look more polished. She'd rather help you tell the story that has been living in your body for years, the one you haven't quite had the space safety or support to say out loud before she's worked with naughty kids like me, nervous founders. C-suite execs and quiet rebels, and across every setting, whether she's in a boarding school or she's in a boardroom, her mission is the same to get people speaking with power, not just Polish, not because they've nailed their tone of voice, or they've memorized a clever anecdote, or they've got one of those three stage frameworks where all of the points start with the same letter. Does that make me feel like I'm listening to, not a very good preacher back in, um, my church days, but because they mean it, in our conversation, we talk about why injustice is the thread that runs through all of ST's work. What she really thinks about confidence, how to find and structure because that is important, the stories that actually matter. And why your story doesn't need permission or polish or gravitas or branded slide decks to be powerful. And we also talk about this myth of thought leadership, the rage that fuels a lot of women's work and the power of connection and how it works more than perform. So if you've ever turned down a speaking opportunity because you didn't feel ready, uh, uh, maybe me or you've ever felt like your ideas didn't count because you weren't qualified enough to say them. Okay, me too. Uh, then this one's for you and it seems like it might be a little bit for me too. So, um, grab a notebook, put down your canvas slide deck that you've been working for hours, and listen to Stasia get on her soapbox.

Peta: 4:11

Stacia. It's really, really lovely to have you on podcast. I'm very excited about our chat.

Stacia: 4:16

Oh, thank you for having me. I'm so glad that I jumped on the bandwagon when I was hearing everybody else. I was just rooting for'em, going, yeah, me too. I, yeah, that really, yeah, I get that. You know, so I'm happy. So happy that you do this, provide this service for all of us.

Peta: 4:32

Aw, thank you. That's very cool.

Stacia: 4:34

To stand on instead of just somebody going, I'll be quiet.

Peta: 4:39

No, I am not a fan of people being quiet as loud as possible, please. Um, so you and I met through the Female Founders Rise Community, which is a brilliant community for female founders, very big fans. Um, for people who do not know you, can you give them a little bit of background into who you are, what you do, and um, how you got.

Stacia: 4:58

Yeah. So, um, the whistle stop tour of that is, my name is Stasia Keo. Uh, I'm Irish American, and I, uh, got here. I was only coming here for a year, about 25 years ago as it happens. Um, so I, uh, am an embodied speaking and story coach. I've been a traditional storyteller for well over 40 years. I started telling in, uh, in my uni days in Colorado, but then I really got going when I lived in Seattle. Uh, and worked with some people like, uh, an upper Skagit elder by Hilbert and, uh, different people that were from the indigenous communities and, um, all, all different cultures and communities. And I was an artist in residence in Washington State. So, um, that is that bit. I've been an actor, I'm a trained actor. And, uh, when I, when I was, um. First starting out, I got a job in the Children's Museum, uh, with the Dr. Seuss, uh, exhibit and, um, bringing that to life. And it was the best job ever because I, uh, learned to read with Dr. Seuss. He has a 50 word vocabulary and it, it, there are millions of wow words in it. And so what would happen is people in the school groups would come through and they'd go. You are so good. Would you come into our school and help us with our curriculum? We have to teach multiculturalism. And how do you teach that? Except through stories. So I got a lot of naughty kids out of corners because at the time that I was doing it, what. Was also on the agenda for teaching was differentiated learning. And really we started to have diagnostic tools to say, oh, you're not stupid. You're dyslexic, or you, you're not a klutz. You who have dyspraxia or you're not just away with the fairies and awkward and. Naughty, you're autistic or this, or this or this. And so we started to, um, I started to actually have like a kid laboratory that I could play around with ideas and as I'm an actor, um, and came to that just because I love to play and live in my imagination, I, um, I started to, you know, experiment with different ways to enliven the curriculum. So that's kind of how I got going. And then I, uh, you know, was a Jobing actor, ended up in, uh, Ireland and working with youth theaters and working as an actor, came to London where the real actors are. But you know, when you get to those places where you think, well, when I get there with the real people, and then you realize those real people are just like you scrapping for jobs. You know, wondering if they're good enough. And, uh, then I, um, I ended up being a single mom with two kids in the Thames Valley, so I started teaching Lambda and that's really how I kinda made a living for almost 20 years in the boarding schools all over the place. And I sat on their examining panel for seven years and a lot of those fancy pants. Kids in those fancy pants school have fancy pants parents in the C-suite, and they'd see their kids actually finding their voice and, you know, really, uh, developing opinion and, um. And dare I say it, confidence, although that's not what I sell. I have a thing about that we'll get into. Um, and uh, they thought, Ooh, can I wonder if you could help me with this keynote I have to do? And so then I started working, uh, you know, in businesses and plus education was really getting taken over by the powers that be because, you know, we were starting with differentiated learning. People were starting to learn and be smart. And you can't smart people voting because they wouldn't vote for you. Your policies are incredibly unpopular and they can see right through that stuff. So we have to keep people exhausted and poor and confused and hating each other because that's the only way we can keep control. So, um, I really champion the fact that young people are finding their way into. Entrepreneurship or, um, just finding new ideas and solutions. And I, I noticed that you, you've worked with teens as well, so I'm hoping we get to talk a little bit about that. But, so here I am today working with experts, uh, people that are really intelligent, but. Sometimes turn down opportunities to speak because they don't feel like they're quote unquote real speakers. And that's because they don't always sound like the experts that they are when they speak. And they just, they just need some, um, some stage craft and somebody to reflect and help them structure and do what I did for those kids and those C-suite people. And now I do it for, you know, everybody with a good idea.

Peta: 9:56

What a life, what a story.

Stacia: 10:02

Gosh, thanks. Because I always think like, oh gosh, what do I know? I'm just as bad as my clients.

Peta: 10:08

I think we all are. Yeah. We're very bad at taking our own advice. That's, yeah. Um, so I know that we are going to, we're gonna run through a bunch of different topics because, your experience and your passions are multiple, but. Just so we know where to start. Um, I ask people who come on this podcast, what their soapbox is the thing that they end up, you know, in the kitchen with a glass of wine, talking someone's ear off at like 10 o'clock at night, you know, when we're awake enough as parents to go to those kind of parties. Um, so what is your soapbox?

Stacia: 10:45

Man, you know what always just fires me right up is injustice.

Peta: 10:49

Mm-hmm.

Stacia: 10:49

And it has since I was a kid. And I think, you know, when we talk about stories, everybody always says, is it true? What do they mean? And that's not really the point. I mean. The point of a story is where do you see yourself in it? And when I was a kid, we used to make up our games and make up stories all the time. And so for instance, like Cinderella for us and was never about the Prince, it was really about the injustice of the stepsisters. And we used to play a game in drama. We called it servant and Master to death. It was, you know, so many iterations of that. You know, my mom had the cleanest kitchen floor in the neighborhood, and, um, the, and, and, you know, we find that servant and master game played out again and again and again and again in our society all the time. I mean, when we had all of our, uh, like train, uh, workers and on strike, uh, it was just the most. V vivid example of servant and master. I mean, and I loved Mick Lynch because you know, he was, and again, really plain, really truthful, really simple. The truth is always really quite simple. plain. It is not convoluted, it is not complicated. It's pretty much this or that. And, um, he would, I loved his example of, you know, if those workers don't show up to work and that is the only chip that we have to bargain with is our labor, then the train stop. But if that CEO doesn't show up, who cares?

Peta: 12:29

Yeah.

Stacia: 12:30

All of those people, those fuckers, they ride that train and use that service for free. But the people that actually know how it works and make it work and the people that you depend on, they have to pay. I'll never forget when I was like, you know, flying into London, I had an audition. I just like, you know, can you get there this afternoon? Go, yes, of course I can. Went in and, um, this was back in the day before we could pay with everything on our phone, and I'd forgotten my wallet. I had like zero money and I'd driven in and I parked up and I was at Gunners Bury Tube Station. I was like, look up and this worker, he's like, got a Fiverr. He paid for my ticket. So I could get to my audition, you know, because they're people. Yeah. And we forget that all the time. We are always constantly, you know, uh, shown like, you know, we, they keep trying to stir up our hate. And I mean, for me, injustice is kind of in the DNA, because I'm Irish. And, you know, we, we lived under a boot for like. Years. You know, one of the first examples of this is how you colonize and keep them like that. And once they, I mean, once you know, devil era, ugh, got in, um, he turned it over to the Catholic church and then we had theocracy. So when you watch things like, um. Small things like these, which is the Killian Murphy movie and Claire King's, um, beautiful. She writes these beautiful short haikus of a novel. You, you realize, you know, you think you're looking at like the 1950s, it's 1980 and, you know, it was, it was like that forever. My dad was one of the first people. Um, in our fam, he was the first person in our family to go to university and have a white collar job. So, I mean, I, I just feel really keenly about the way that, uh, that people are treated and managed and, um, just so much bullshit out there that, you know, if you actually ever just talk to people, like talk to people, you know, we all. Want the same things. And I, um, I love the way, uh, Heather Cox Richardson, who's a historian, who writes letters to an American, which kinda takes the drama out of all the things that are happening, certainly in America right now. And Tim Snyder's a good one to look at too. Another historian, and of course, John Oliver. Love a sat, a satirical, you know, person that speaks really fast with that motor mouth delivery. But you know, it's always, there's always 10 people in a room and two of them will always want to be in charge

Peta: 15:14

Mm-hmm.

Stacia: 15:14

and control everybody else but the rest of the eight, they just want a nice life. So what they do is they take six at random and pick two at random, and they say to the six, you hate those guys, or We're gonna make everybody's life miserable. So, alright then, and that's how you get people voting against their own interests like Brexit or women voting against women, like women voting for Trump, you know. But in doing so, what that has done is it's created, it's blown it all up. So that in a way, you know, people had to really reckon with their own conscience and go, there is no institution to trust. There is, you know, if we're the government, how do we want to do that? So what you're seeing is people like John Alexander who champions, um, he's got a book called Citizens and he's done a beautiful job of talking about the three different stories that, um, that we have, which is the Empire story. So that's why in, um, COVID, it was so funny to hear. Well, one rule for them and one rule for us. It's like, no, no, no, no. They are the rulers

Peta: 16:24

Mm-hmm.

Stacia: 16:25

and we do that bidding. That's how they set it up. You don't like it. Don't have them. Don't, don't, don't follow their path, you know, don't do it. So that's the empire story. The other one is the consumer story, which we are so in the grips of right now. And that is, you know, every man for himself, you know, everything is disposable, everything is transac actionable. Nobody could, here's my money. Let me have your stuff. I don't really care. And Gary Stevenson talks about this too, and he did a head-to-head on that diary of a CEO with, uh, Daniel Priestly who sells entrepreneurialship, uh, like it's a Moony wedding. It's like, he's like, the system is packed, mate. He goes, you, you're never gonna win unless you get an angle and you cheat and you get your leg up. Uh, and, and you know, this, this, this injustice really, really winds me up'cause people are preyed upon with it. People are made enemies of people that are not, and you know, it's, it's in your head. It's just in your head. We're all just people at the end of the day. So, um, injustice, you know, especially what we see going on in the world, um, where now Warcraft is a commodity that people sell. That's why they keep running, keep, keep that stirred up because it's a business. They've made it a business.

Peta: 17:47

Yeah. And as an Amer, like as an American living somewhere else around the world, how, I mean, it feels like a really banal question, but how have the last few months been?

Stacia: 17:59

Man, you know, it's really been interesting to have this perspective. Um, uh, and I've, because I've been out of the states for a really long time, so, um, back, uh, quite a while ago when Obama was in and everybody over here was like, oh my God, he's so amazing. Great.'cause he was a good speaker. He was an excellent orator, but his approval rating in the States was like, we were like, really? Why is that? So we have this, uh, theater company called over here, theater company. And so we put out a call to, um, writers, you know, uh, tell us your Obama experience. We're gonna do a festival called Obama America. We get 250 submissions in a week. Yeah. And it, we, it made for some pretty grim reading because when you think about it, I mean that's why with what's happened, it's just blown it all up. So people that you think are the good guys, they're good guys. Not really, just because they talk nice and have better manners, are they really look at what they're accomplishing and what they're doing. So for me, um, I look at it and I just. I despair because a lot of people are, are getting absolutely crushed by this. But a lot of ma all the masks are falling away. All the scales are falling away. And I mean, my brother is like a real Trumper, you know, because, you know, he, he gets into, he, he gets, he's isolated. He feels very, um, screwed over by,'cause he, you know, most of these people were, um, people that were Democrats and they thought that this was, you know, righteous and liberal. But then you see how they operate and you're going, no, they're just saying nice. But they're doing the same thing. They're doing the same thing. So what it makes everybody do in these situations is it makes you go back to yourself and go, what do I believe? If you know, and that's why. The work that I do with getting people as an embodied speaking coach, which means I use a lot of somatic, which means of the body practices. I get people to really, um, feel into what is it you really wanna say? What's actually, you know,'cause your story never shuts up, so what's actually really still poking and biting at you. And, and that's the, you know, people go, you gotta find their pain points and what keeps'em up at night. No, you just have to find the story then. Begs to be told that they haven't gotten a chance to, and that's because you need someone to listen.

Peta: 20:41

Yeah. So let's talk a little bit about how that injustice that you get all fired up about kind of weaves its way into your work. So you mentioned helping people vocalize that that story that they maybe feel like they haven't been able to tell. Is that the starting point for like most of your work with your clients?

Stacia: 21:03

Yeah, because what I found was, um, people, uh, would find me that were. Absolute experts at what they did, and they, and I would meet them. Most of my people I was meeting either, like I said, through um, students or, and, uh, people admiring the work of their kids and admiring or admiring the, that somebody else that they'd seen that I'd worked with and going, wow, you know, really good. And they're like, you know, she's really, you know, helped me put this together. And, um. And all I did was I'm like the porter that brings in the bag. Right. You know? I just kind of helped him carry him up, open it up. I don't wear the clothes. I'm not, I might pick the outfit,

Peta: 21:49

Yeah.

Stacia: 21:49

but, um, you know, I just, I just am there to, to be that sounding board. So a lot of these people were getting opportunities to speak and turning it down. You know, I'd meet them at networking and, and I'd say, oh, where are you speaking? Or Do you speak? And they go, yeah, well, I keep getting asked, but, you know, and I'm like, so what's, what's really, why, why won't you really? Oh, you know, too much time. I don't have a story or what would I say? And, um, many people say, I'm gonna forget what I'm gonna say. That's what I'm biggest fear. It's kinda like the actor's nightmare or the waitress's nightmare. You forget everybody's order or you forget your lines. And, but if it's, if it's really. Something that needs to be heard. You won't forget it because you don't forget your own story. You don't really forget that thing. That's like, hmm. You know, happening a lot of times with unlikely speakers, um, and unlikely storytellers. There are people that would stand up like in a school meeting and go, no, we are not gonna have that happen for our kids. You know, they will fight for their kids. Or, um, Barbara King Solver wrote a book called Holding the Line. It was one of her nonfiction books that was written quite a few years ago in, uh, and it was about the copper mine strikes in Arizona. Well, the guys couldn't go on strike because in the states when you strike, um, you get, there is no social safety net. And, and so your union will provide you 50 bucks a week to, but you have to walk the line picket line to do that. And if you walk a picket line, you are fired outright from your job. I mean, that's just how they control you, right? So the women did it. The women were picketing for the men. So the men could go to work, but their wives would be on, and these were women like, you know, just like, you know, Betty Jo down the street, you know, you know, housewife and, and grandma so-and-so, you know, it was with their, with her like little folding, you know, yard chair, you know. So, um, people will do it.

Peta: 23:48

Yeah.

Stacia: 23:49

We'll do, you will not forget it. And that's why we, I mean, you remember stories from when you were a kid. You remember the lyrics to a song, you remember steps to a dance, and it's all about patterning. So a lot of what I do, and there's, this is like the three pillars of, of speaking, um, is, is content. Get the soup, what's in the soup, you know, what's kind of there. And then connecting some of the dots with that. And then making structure. And I love the structure. It's patterning and, uh, there's many, so many ways to structure a story and structure a speech. And that's what makes it exciting, uh, because then different things are revealed. It's like if you had a gemstone and if you cut it like as an emerald cut, it's gonna look like this. But if you cut it like in a. Brilliant. Cut. It's gonna look like that. And, um, and then it's, it's just, uh, delivery. So that's your stagecraft. And that's a lot of what I taught, uh, kids and, uh, adults and teens. It's just these delivery, um, habits. It's like pausing. What is that all about really? It's, it's actually, there's something in that pause that you're doing. It's like a, it's, is it, is it a suspensory pause? Or is it a motive pause or is it a, a, a causal pause? Like I have to pause there because then it makes more sense. It gives it that flow, and then you do it again and again. I mean, as actors, we rehearse. I used to see people in business, they would check their slide deck and they'd go. And then they'd step on stage and go, I'm ready. I'm like, but are you, why have I even seen you breathe yet? And I don't see you making any connection to, to who's out there. Um, so, uh, I always remember I love that, uh, that, that. Seen that, um, symbol that played through, and this is what we use in storytelling all that times, that gleaning detail that you put all the way through. And if you remember the film Gladiator, every single time that he was in an instance, he would like reach down and pick up the soil. He would connect with the, the world around him. He would connect schematically, sensorially, really ground in, where am I? He'd look at the people who were with him. Check in with them. Are you with me? This is what's gonna happen. You know, that's a leader. And um, so that's what, you know, we try to do for people. You know, just connect with the people that you're talking to. You know, that old thing, like, pretend like no one has any clothes on, like, and it's like, why would you do that? That is so gross How about, let's remember that everybody out there has a beating heart. Yeah. And that's where story works because what you do is you co-create with a story.'cause they have to use their imagination. And when you have co-creation and that co-regulation, which gets into the polyvagal nerves system, which we could go into in another podcast, but that's part of the somatic way. It's, it's, it's really regulating your nervous system and then co-regulating with who you're talking to and with your audience. That's how you can, you know, work with kids that you know, that don't understand you, you don't understand them. You have to kind of co-regulate, don't you? You have to find, you know, so what's going on with you? What's, what's up? And that's where rhetorical questions come in.'cause they are real questions and you are actually having a conversation with their minds and their nervous systems. So when you ask that rhetorical question. They're thinking the answer, and you give them time to, to give that consideration. And then they're, they're with you because you're listening to them, have their thinking, and then you're reading what you see them react then they're going, and then, so it's much more, and again, this is part of stagecraft. It's, it's reciprocal. It's reciprocal that energy's coming to you. You're not just sucking it up and going, look at how great I'm, you're going. Oh wow. Let me just reflect that back to you. And that's, you know, that's, that, that's where you walk out of those, uh, speeches like that where, you know, I've had my clients walk off stage and go, oh my God, you know, I felt so excited. I felt so energized. I felt so, I think the word's empowered. Empowering your audience'cause they're excited and energized too. And so it just kinda whips up little bit of a frenzy.

Peta: 28:35

Yeah. That's so interesting because I think that the prevailing kind of, um, argument of the day, if you are, um. If you are a founder or if you are somebody who is out there speaking or talking about something, whether you are trying to sell or whether you are kind of working for a different type of organization, the prevailing wisdom is that you put your ideas out there. In, um, in a coherent block, whether that is in a 92nd video or a four paragraph LinkedIn post or like a, a nine minute Ted talk, like you, you form your argument, you form, you tell your story, but it's very much wrapped up in a nice little package that you have carefully curated and put together and, and created, wrapped up. Tied the bow and placed in front of people and then you're done. You kinda like walk away and you might engage in some kind of back and forth in the comments, but it's all from that position of this is the thing that I'm presenting to you because I am the one that has the knowledge or has the experience or has the perspective. Um, and you can react to it however you want, but I've done my thing. End scene. Whereas the way that you talk about, I mean, not only the way that you talk about speaking, but the way that you talk about acting is much more of that reciprocal conversation that co-creating of ideas stemming from the stories that you are. Bringing as you speak or as you write, or as you kind of film a video. And I think that's a very different way of looking at content creation. It's a very different way of looking at thought leadership. Um, and for kind of for my audience who tend to be business owners who have some kind of mission or purpose or conscience behind whatever they're doing, the stories that they tell. Matter and they, it's almost like there is, they want there to be a movement building element of it, but what they're being told by experts is that you just have to put the thought there.

Stacia: 30:51

Who are these experts, these foreign enemies? Quite frankly, um, you know. The whole idea is that, you know, I love the word that you use movement because it isn't just a moment. You really do want a movement and as and, and as a leader, you know, you don't want followers. It's lonely at the top. Well, sure it is. Especially if you make yourself the only person and you're sitting. That's how the patriarchy high is. It's, it's, call it any archy patriarchy. Matriarchy. Any archy going, that means it's like this. It's like a little triangle and there's like one, there's a very small top bit and there's a very big bottom bit. But if you, you know, if you bust that apart and you have something different, you know, what about a coalition? What about a collective? What about a community? What about a tribe? What about a, what about, you know, just having fellow travelers, huh? That might be good. Where you put the beacon lights out there and light a fire in everybody. And I mean, I loved that, you know, in the, um, in, in the days where they used to like light a beacon light, and then you would see it. All over. And then people know, oh, this has happened, or this is coming, or whatever. And um, and I, that's, that's kind of what I want. I think that kind of Teflon speaking or sometimes you get these finished speakers and they just go and now I'm done. Got through that one and it's like, really? That was a completely lovely opportunity that you didn't even look at those people. You didn't even connect with those people. And, and so again, those people, huh? You know, I remember when I first started going networking'cause it was a big deal for me.'cause I was this isolated teacher that ran around like a peripatetic to 50 different schools. Because, uh, you know, they'd say, oh, would you mind speaking because I'm the speaking coach? I would go, yes, I'd love to, because it was my way to, to do it. And so I was getting all my stuff together, and my daughter was young at the time. She goes, where are you going? And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go out and meet a bunch of these people, um, who, who I don't know, and I'm gonna tell'em what I do. And she goes, oh, so you're gonna go make some new friends? And I'm like. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. So, forever after, um, my, my networking endeavors, my, my posting stuff, my even reaching out to you in, in our community was about, you know, my making friends campaign'cause we need friends and, you know, nobody ever died from, uh, nobody ever committed suicide from starvation. Or because of they committed suicide because they, they didn't have a place to live. So there's, you know, Maslow's hierarchy, people commit suicide because they're lonely and they're distressed and they feel like they've got no other options. So that Making Friends Campaign is really important and as entrepreneurs and why I think the Female Founders Rise community is so strong and so important is because it is. Supportive people in there support the hell out of each other and, and you know, you can ask, does anybody know this? And somebody does. And they're not precious about it. Oh, she doesn't know I'm gonna have this, you know, nobody's doing that. If they did, they would find themselves in a very small company.

Peta: 34:38

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Stacia: 34:39

would be tolerated. You would hope that maybe by osmosis you could see a different way. But that's the thing. So in my speaking it's like it's about connection, which is, you know, empowerment, connection, and imagination are like my core values and. That's the thing, you know, imagination and connection. That's genius. That's what a genius does. It sees this here that we already know and that there that they saw themselves, but then they see the thing that's in between that nobody else has seen yet, and they might think, oh my God, I'm a fake, or, oh my God, nobody's given me the permission or the qual. I haven't qualified in that. It's like, who gives a shit? Did you see it? Do you know it? Share it. Let's try it out. Let's have a sounding board. And I mean, I know there's a lot of, um. Gender related and, and social economic stuff that, that gets in our way on that. Surely it does, but I think the more times we have these conversations and the more that we get to share what we know about history openly, because, you know, editors control a lot of that and, and educational gatekeepers, which is why I got out of the business. Um. You realize, oh, there's this whole other part of history, all these hidden figures, all these, you know, people that haven't gotten any credit. All these people that actually did it. Like, you know, they were talking about all these, um, very pricey botanical drinks, and it's like. The, the indigenous populations have been drinking that stuff forever and know about that, but we've decimated their land and their way to, to, to make that stuff. And so, and now you're acting like you rediscovered it, you know? So I, I just, the more that we get to, um, bust those myths and, and, and hear from people, the, the more that we enrich. Ourselves and our lives and just give ourselves permission to breathe. And I, and, and we can talk about like, that's why I was really excited to come on this podcast to talk about something that was focused on, you know, what do you think and what do you feel instead of like, what's your business and what do you selling us? And you know, I'm selling you hope.

Peta: 36:57

I like that. I think that's pretty good. I, that is, I mean that in itself is really interesting. Like. The idea of giving, almost giving people permission to share those, those things, because it does feel a little bit like, um, if you are not, if you're not of a certain type of person or if you haven't worked in this for so many years, or you haven't ticked any imaginary boxes, um, and especially for women, like you talked about there being kind of gender issues with, with these kind of things, it can feel like. Yes, I do have these ideas and yes, I have this thought that connects this thing that we know with this thing that I've seen. Um, but I don't feel like I have the permission to tell anyone. Um, and you don't, like, you mentioned earlier that you don't like talking about selling people or giving people confidence.

Stacia: 37:56

Yeah.

Peta: 37:56

Do you wanna talk a little bit about why that is?

Stacia: 37:58

yeah. Confidence. I just need confidence. Um, confidence is an outside measure. And somebody struts into a room and they're looking all glam and great, we think, Ooh, she's really confident. And the first thing we try to do is knock'em off their pedestal. Really? You know who she thinks she is. And I love, I was a Riot girl in the nineties in Seattle and my band was Bikini Kill and they have a song called Rebel Girl. And they're going, that girl thinks she's a queen of the neighborhood. Guess what? She is. They go on and we do a lot of screaming and yelling in this dark, sweaty basement that smells like stale beer and piss and loved it because back in the day, you know, you could, you could go to your spoken word thing and your consciousness raising, but you know, if you really wanted to get your message out there, you started a band and you had a fan zine, which. You clipped out the art and you went to Kinko and you made a bunch of copies and people collected it, like, yeah man, it's really cool, and you had like a manifesto and all of that stuff. And, um, you know, the only way that you know if you've got an idea is if you go, Hey guys, look at this. What do you think, you know, um, in business so often, and, and Simon Sinek talks about this. Because he stopped working for business people and started working for like the military and, and, and NASA and the scientists community, which is brilliant, and I love that community. In fact, they're the people, the unsung heroes that I love to work with in a company as the tech and the r and d people, because we don't listen to them. We hire smart people and we don't listen to them because they haven't been, we've turned them into reporters and, and, and, um, order takers. Instead of trusted advisors. And if you can teach them how to make the recommendation, suddenly they've got their budget, their job is secure, and, but they're actually getting to see their projects into fruition. But Simon Sinek talks about in business, people come up with an idea and they go check it out. This is my ideas. Really good, isn't it? And you're just looking for people like Syco fans to go, oh my God, it's amazing. It's great. You have all this confidence. A lot of times those people that have a lot of confidence actually have very low self-esteem. You know, and I mean, you know, you'd ask me about America, look at Donald Trump. What's he talking about? You know, those countries are gonna come and kiss my ass. And that's somebody that's, you know, needs a lot of fluffing. A lot of pandering too. He, he, you know, he needs that chorus of people going, you're so great. You're so great. You're so great. Ugh. You know, I mean, I guess so, but it's got a shelf life. Um, but empowerment is so much more, and nobody can give you that.

Peta: 40:44

Mm-hmm.

Stacia: 40:45

Encourage people, but that comes from men, and that's what I like to do. I'm not telling you how to do your speech. I'm not going, come on. You can do it. You know what I mean? You know, it's like. I'm really getting you to like own it. I'm really like, that's how I worked with the kids. It was like, you know, it was so different than any kind of academic teaching that they had.'cause I asked'em what they thought and where they might think that would go and how about that idea and stuff. So, you know, um, this confidence thing, it's, it's like a lot of these fixing distractions. Like, oh, you have the imposter syndrome. It's like, just because you were never there before, of course. You think? I didn't feel like, you know, I didn't know anything. When I first went to go open water swimming, I was like, I saw somebody's Instagram post going, look at this is the way to start the day. And I'm like, yeah, it is. I'm gonna do that too. It was October, the water was freezing. I mean, you know, and I grew up on the lake, so I figured out jump in the lake and I just forgot. You know, so, and I go, I'll just wear a wetsuit. And I was like, eh, this little bug stuck in this thing that didn't move. I couldn't, I, ugh. It was terrible. I couldn't get my breath. I couldn't do anything. Ugh. Terrible. Awful. I didn't have confidence I was an imposter. No, I just had not been swimming in a lake in October for a long time. Probably ever.'cause we swim in the summer in the Great Lakes.

Peta: 42:12

Like sensible people. Yeah.

Stacia: 42:14

In the wintertime. And so, you know, it took a while to go back there. And when I, um, as a resting actor, I tempt in, in like advertising and all this stuff and that's all I saw was people like showing off and, you know, their mouth overloading their ass all the time and presentations and, you know, I worked for a lot of wide boys and I was just, I looked at how they did it and I was like, you know, I can do that. I worked as a bartender and as a cocktail waitress. And you know, it's just like people talk a lot of shit. So don't worry about being an imposter. You're just shit talking. That's all that is. And just keep it up, you know? And, um. The other thing is this gravitas. Oh, please save us from that because, uh, you know, again, it's an outside word measure that people have come up with this idea, um, that uh, in order to be taken seriously, you know, to depress your vocal chords and sound like a man, and, you know, not even men sound like that. And it's, it's just, it's just ridiculous. It's something that somebody invented to say. Oh, you don't have this. Oh, then you can't be that. And, and sales. You need to sell you all of that stuff. They're just whipping you up into a frenzy. Guess what sells a good idea. Guess what? Sells People that genuinely provide a, a decent service and, and do this like, so for your audience that are mostly entrepreneurs in that and they're wondering like, that sounds really great, that girl's yapping a lot, but what story do I need to tell and I get you. The stories that people in business need to tell are, you know, there's three ones. Your purpose story that is like, not that Simon Sinek would say, it's your why. And, um, I never finished this thing, but people in business think their ideas are great. People in the military are in science, go, well, this is my idea. I don't know. What do you think Spears, you know, poke the holes in it. Tell me what's not working. Tell me where you see. Tell me what, what do you think? How would you use that? You know, I mean, I was swimming this morning and um, spraying on this Avon product called Skin So Soft. They probably think it's just spray on moisturizer, but swimmers use it because it keeps the duck mite from biting us because it makes us like little greasy sheen on her skin. I mean, who knew that that's, I mean. I don't know what you use that product for. That's what all of us have it in our swim bags for, you know, so you just, uh, you know, and I love in that, um, uh, movie, the, the help how she says, Crisco, you want this to happen, just slap some Crisco on it. Crisco will do everything for you because lube, right? And, um, so, um, so your purpose story, it's why you do it. It's what is really driving that. My purpose story is that I want people to start sharing that lived experience, and I want them to share it as wisdom, because that is wisdom. When you raise that up, that is your wisdom, you know, and it's not about passion. You know what really makes things work. It's devotion, you know, the drive, the dedication, the discipline. That's devotion. Go for devotion over passion. Passion is short-lived. It makes you drink too much sleep with the wrong guy and get a bad haircut. But devotion, that's what's really gonna make your business go.'cause the more you do it, the more it evolves and let it evolve. And the more you talk about it, the more you get some feedback and then you go, yeah, you know, I, you know, I didn't know who I worked with until I met a lot of people that I didn't wanna work with anymore. And, um.

Peta: 45:59

is true.

Stacia: 46:01

So that, that, um, purpose story, I would say the value story is more important than any sales pitch, and that is not even talking about your product, that is not even talking about your service or who you are or what you do. That is talking about the intrinsic value, the change, the transformation that happens when people work with you First. They were, now they are. You know when people start with me, they're really smart people. They have a lot to say, but now they're empowered to let those ideas go and allow them to develop. I mean, we were talking about these vanity speakers before we came on, which are my real bugaboos people that stand up there and they think that they have an opinion. So now they're a thought leader or they, they blab around about this thing. Like you were mentioning, the Teflon speakers is closed down thing, and this is my idea. There you go, blam. And it's like, and an idea isn't yours. You get it. And the whole I, the whole idea behind the idea is you share it so it can develop and grow and actually make a difference to people. And that value story is something else. And besides that, it's what we've been talking about since we came on, which is the origin story. You know, where does that genius come from? You know what really qualifies you is because you love it. I mean, I've been a storyteller since I was a little kid. My mom was a storyteller. I used to make stuff up all the time, and I love it. I absolutely love it. I love it.

Peta: 47:34

That is super helpful. Um, and I love the way that. You tell stories, you can tell that you've been telling them for a long time. That's very cool. It reminds me of my daughter. She's five and she is, she loves telling stories. She loves making things up. She's incredibly convincing. Last term, she convinced her reception teacher that we used to live in India for two years. So much so that the reception teacher at parents evening said, I'm so excited. Tell me all about what it was like living in India. And I was like, um, uh.

Stacia: 48:05

I think she remember something I forgot.

Peta: 48:08

Yeah. So, um, yeah, so maybe we, she will be a storyteller when she grows up. So for my listeners who have gone right, I've written down the three stories that I need, um, but I think I probably need some help in putting them together. How can they find you? Where should they come to?

Stacia: 48:28

Oh, come on over. I've got a website called stacia.co uk and I line up everything on there. There's so many different ways to work with me. I work with people on, you know, I do this thing called the four Hour Story, which is kind of in that Tim Ferris line of people. Uh, it used to be called Presentation Rescue.'cause people would go, I gotta talk next week. I was like, no problem. And it just is a four hour session. We get your top line, get, get that structure, get some really good rehearsal techniques. I mean, with, with rehearsal, we, I kind of touched on it, but um. In French, they call it la, which means repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. But in German they call it depro, which means you go in and you really do some exploring in there, you get to the heart of the matter. So this four hour, um, speaking package is really, um, kind of like this first entry level stair step thing. Um, I have a newsletter I put out every week. I had the Spotlight program and that came from people that I would work with. And then,'cause they had to do this presentation and after the first session or a second session, they'd go, you know, I don't wanna talk about that at all actually. I really wanna get a different job and I don't even think I wanna work here, or I think I wanna talk about it like this. So it was getting people to come out of the shadows and step into their spotlight and it gives you all the tools you need on, you know, how to pitch, how to do that social pitch for networking, how to do the story of you. Delivery techniques, um, structuring, and then I like to call it solving for X, which is getting those opportunities like this, your podcast, your interview, your q and as, your panel speaking things where things are kind of unknown, how do you speak into that? How do you solve for X? How do you solve for the unknown? And um. And then I have my VIPs where we put together a whole speaker ecosystem. So you have a, a talk for anytime, anywhere, any place, anybody, and you never turn down an opportunity to speak.

Peta: 50:32

That is what we want for all these amazing people doing mission-driven things. Cool. I'll put all of that in the show notes so everybody can find you very, very easily. Um, but thank you so much, Stacia. This has been fascinating as I knew it would be.

Stacia: 50:48

thank you.