13. Work From Home Isn’t Killing Your Career | Let’s Be Honest About Having It All

Work from home is a career killer for women? I disagree a thousand percent. In this episode, I’m challenging the idea that ambition has to come at the expense of your mental health, your time, or your identity. I’m talking about my experience in corporate America as a Black woman, the invisible labor that comes with being in office, what the research actually says about remote work and productivity, and who the “three hour mom” narrative really applies to. Because not all advice is universal, and success should not require you to lose yourself in the process.

Stats mentioned:

• Code switching can cost Black professionals 2–3 hours of mental energy daily (Harvard Business Review, 2019) 
• 64% of Black employees experience at least one racial microaggression per week (McKinsey & Company, 2023) 
• Black women reported a 31% improvement in psychological well-being when working remotely (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 2022)
• Remote and hybrid work reduced racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women (SHRM, 2023)
• Remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity (Stanford Business, 2020)
• 87% of employees report being equally or more productive working from home (Microsoft WorkLab)
• Remote and hybrid workers report higher engagement than fully in-office employees (Gallup, 2023)

In this episode, we cover:

• Why the “work from home is a career killer” narrative ignores what Black women actually experience
• The real cost of code switching, and why the office is not a neutral space
• Why being seen at work still doesn’t guarantee being considered
• How communication bias shows up in emails and perception
• The truth about the “three hour mom” – and what it actually requires
• What the data really says about productivity at home
• Why you need to be selective about whose advice you follow

Hosted by Chancé Hindir-Lane, Selfish Parenting is the honest, empowering podcast that challenges the myth of self-sacrifice in motherhood. Each episode explores identity, partnership, and the balance between nurturing your family and yourself.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Work from home is a career killer for women. I disagree. Not only do I disagree, I disagree a thousand percent. Because I'm a black woman, I generally feel as my emails are read as angry immediately. I'm not allowed to just exist with a straight face in an office. I still think it's funny how we come up with new ways to just like label motherhood. It's like work from home mom, single mom. Now we got a three-hour mom, one-leg mom, two-legged mom, five-leg mom. It doesn't matter. A mom is a mom. However, work from home is career suicide. Your fertility has a timeline. Your career has a time period. Maybe waiting until you're 38 isn't the best option. Two sentences that took the internet by a storm completely destroyed everyone's day. The conversation that's been talked about every single day. And maybe it's because it landed with a lot of career ambitious women, and maybe because it didn't land with another group of people. But we're not here to talk about Emma Greed. We're not here to talk about the person who said them. We're here to talk about whether there are some truth to it or not. And you guys know me. I want to focus on the fact. What does the research say about work from home, parenting, and ambitious women? How does it look like to be an ambitious woman who wants a family, who wants a career, and still wants to be a present mother? Well, welcome to Selfish Parenting and today let's talk about it. Hi, my name is Shansei, and welcome to Selfish Parenting. The podcast that gives you permission to be well, a little selfish. While raising incredible children, this is where we are going to flip everything you've been told about parenting upside down. Have a seat, relax, and enjoy the show, y'all. If you're on the internet or have clicked on any internet, then you've probably most likely heard Emma Greed. She's currently promoting her book. She has gone on multiple podcasts and said some very strong statements that didn't lend very well with a group of people, but also lended very well with another group of people. So I'm not here to talk about her statement specifically. I'm honestly here to talk about where I feel like as a society, we're not only pushing women into a narrative that has been pushed into us for years, it feels like we're going backwards, honestly. It feels like we take one step forward for equality, for balance, and we take 10 steps back. Now, when it comes to working from home, personally, I have been able to work from home remotely 100%. I've also been able to work from home hybrid, and I've also worked in office. See, I started my career back in the day, back when work from home was not really something that was offered. When I started working in the work, when I entered the workforce, I it was 2014. I entered the workforce officially in 2014. Now I worked for Congress for years and then I went into nuclear and then I also worked in a lot of legislation. I worked for Nuclear Energy Institute, I worked for AIA, I've worked for a lot of big corporations. So I've been in the corporate world for a very long time. And back when I worked in the corporate world, obviously working from home wasn't an option. I will 100% say that when it comes to working in the American corporate offices, there is a lot that me as a black woman have to endure working in those offices. A ton. My personal experience working from the office is quite frankly not great, right? I can absolutely 100% say I hate working in office. Not because I'm lazy, not because I don't want to go see people, not because I want to have those, I don't want to have those conversations, but because I haven't had the best experience working in office. First of all, I don't like the fake talks, right? Let's just let I don't I don't like the corporate talk. I don't like having to put on a show for eight to nine hours out of the day. And when I say put on a show, I mean code speech. When I'm in the office, I almost have to be, I used to say that I have an office personality and then there's who I am. And obviously, being a black woman, I don't get the privilege of showing up to the office as who I am. And some may argue and say that's a choice that we make, but it's not really a choice. It's almost like we had to assimilate into a society that doesn't really accept us. I still remember in 2016 where I had a moment when I was dressed for work and I had my natural hair out in a ponytail, and I was told that, well, we need professional hair for work. And this is after the Crown Act, I believe, and that was still happening. So imagine having the option to work from home as a black woman where I can show up. If it's for that 10-minute, 20-hour, if it's the, let's say I have to be on a Zoom call for four hours out of the day. That's only four hours where I have to put on a show. But honestly, Zoom calls don't really leave much room for chit chat, and it's not the same as having to be in office 24-7. Now let's back up a little, right? Because the conversation isn't whether or not I personally like working from home, because we can all argue if you like working from home or not. We're here to talk about the fact. What does the fact say about black women working from home and the effects of it? I have been privileged enough to work from home prior to COVID. So when I was pregnant with my Danico twin girls, I shared a story with you guys. I've told you that I ended up having to be on bed rest. Now, because I was in bed rest, my employer at the time allowed me to work from home two days out of the week. And that flexibility allowed me to have my doctor's appointments and still get my work done. Again, this is pre-COVID. Now I want to talk about my experience as a mom having the opportunity to work from home during that time and the difference that I noticed in myself and personally how he affected my work. I still remember having a one-year-old who had a nanny at the time, but I was working from home. I remember the quality time I got to spend with him, and it wasn't the time of me working. It wasn't while I was clocked into work. It was that two hours I spent on commute. I lived in DC and I still had to drive, maybe stay 30 minutes in traffic and then spend two more hours a day in traffic in order to go to work. Those two hours, my lunch breaks, while I'm on lunch break, it allowed me to work out, which was incredible for my mental health. And then the two hours that I would spend getting ready, doing my makeup, driving to work, I got to sleep in. And then the extra hours I got to spend with my child. A lot of people will say that working from home takes away from promotions. Well, me personally, I was in office for years and fighting for promotion, and I still didn't get it. And it wasn't because I wasn't qualified, and it wasn't because I wasn't seen, and it wasn't because I didn't have my kudos folder. Because if you're a black woman in corporate America, then you most likely have a kudos folder. You have a folder of all the things you're doing in order to advance, right? Advance the main goal of your corporation. Then you're probably working 10 times as hard. You're making sure you're seen, you're in every meeting, you're prepared, you're working without making a single mistake because you understand you don't get to make a mistake. I consider myself to be a very ambitious woman. I have always been, I have always said I am, and I live the life of an ambitious woman. So when it comes to corporate America, I've always known that yes, unfortunately, I do have to be in certain rooms. I do have to be seen to be considered. But there's a caveat to that. Even when I'm seen, I'm not considered 90% of the time. Even when I qualified, I'm not considered 90% of the time. So yes, we can definitely argue and say being in office does provide you extra opportunities, which I'm not arguing against that. But being in office does not give you a safe bet that you will receive those opportunities because you're still black. There comes a time in everyone's career where we have to consider what we're willing to give up. Right? I think I talk about all the time when I say, when I first started my career in corporate America, money was it. I would do anything for money. My ambition equated money, right? My success equated money. For me, successful meant making the most amount of money. For me, successful meant having that corner office. For me, successful meant that I am a director, I am a senior, this. And then that ambition changed for me. Successful meant being in charge of my time. Successful meant having enough time to enjoy the money that I'm making. Successful meant that I get to make the decisions for what matters most, how my time is spent. But that doesn't always align with what it looks like to be in corporate America. Now, if I want to talk about the narrative that's being pushed, especially when we have the conversation that, you know, work from home is career killer for women, I disagree. Not only do I disagree, I disagree a thousand percent. I made a statement once where I said a lot of us, and I think I commented this on a friend's um TikTok, and I said, some of us aren't even perceived well via messages, right? Like when I respond via email, because I'm a black woman, I generally feel as my emails are read as angry immediately. I don't know how many times where I've responded to an email without adding an extra sauce to it, without adding maybe a softer tone to it, where somebody will come to my desk and then say, is everything okay? Simply because my email lacked that extra razzle dazzle if I may, right? I definitely think being in office adds to people understanding me better. And that's only because I'm putting on a show. That's only because I'm almost spending the whole day code switching into this softer spoken. I am watching every step I take, I am watching how I respond, I am watching my emotions, I'm watching my facial structures. Because if I'm in an office and I'm not smiling, right, somebody's gonna come to me like, what's going on? What's wrong? Because I'm not allowed to just exist with a straight face in an office. And if I'm working from home primarily and people can't see me when I send an email, I definitely see how sometimes I will get responses like, oh, that seemed a little catty. But if I was to get that same email from my male counterpart or a white woman, it's not caddy. It's just them being direct. But when I send it, it's catty. And that's something I've just observed as I've worked from home versus when I'm working in office. So the only difference is when I'm in office, I am able to fake it in person so they can see this facade of fake smiling, of putting on a show, of code switching, so that they're more comfortable with how I come across. But when I'm in when I'm home, because they're not seeing mean, there's no that fake facade, all of a sudden I come across as more mean. And maybe that is why people can say it's a career killer. But to me, I don't want to succeed at the expense of my mental health. And there is a toll that being in the office takes on black women. I want to share a little bit of research with you. What is code switching? Some people, you guys hear code switching all the time, but what exactly is code switching? Code switching is described as a cognitive and emotional labor of adjusting languages, tone, appearances, and behavior to conform to white workplaces' norms. So it costs black professionals the equivalent of two to three hours of mental energy per day in the office settings. This study was done by Harvard in 2019. 64% of Black employees report experiencing at least one racial microaggression per week in the office environment. Black women who transitioned to remote work reported a 31% improvement in overall psychological well-being. And this study was done by the American Journal of Preventative Medicine in 2022. Remote and hybrid work reduced the frequency of reported microaggressions and racial microaggressions by 42% for Black women specifically. This study was done by the Society of Human Resource Management. So when you say things like work from home is a silent killer for careers, I want to take into account the emotional labor, the mental health of Black women. I am very, and I and I saw a video that said this too. There's a TikTok video I saw that said the same thing and kind of summarized my thoughts. I'm gonna try to find it for you guys. I am very, very slow to take advice from someone who I know could never understand where I am coming from or my background. Let's be very clear. I think Emma Grade is an incredible woman. I think she's successful in her own right. I think she worked really hard for her success. I don't care who she's married to. I don't care if she got her first loan from her husband. I mean, if I'm married to a man who can afford to be my first investor, where wouldn't he be, right? As a woman, I genuinely believe that we should use all of our resources. However, I am very, very slow to take anything Emma Grid uses or says as law. Because as a black woman, as a dark-skinned black woman living in America, because Emma Grid does not live in the US, I 100% understand the cost of being in office five days a week. And I will say, as an ambitious woman, I do not think I have to give up my well-being in order to be successful, in order to accomplish my dreams in corporate America. I have always said that if I succeed, it cannot be at the cost of me, of losing me and who I am. And what studies are telling us is for black women, the office is not a neutral space. It's an environment that demands daily invisible labor for them. And for many of them, they have to go home and still perform thousands of invisible labors as parents. So at what cost are we making statements like the office is a silent killer for successful women or for ambitious women? I want us to take a moment to just understand two things when we speak broadly in this way. Not everything is for you, not everyone is speaking to you. You can admire someone and still listen to them with a grain of salt or a whole bucket of salt. Because in this case, I'm listening to Shaudi with a bunch of salt. I can be inspired by her, motivated by her, which I am, but I'm also kind of like, okay, for you. For you. Because let's really talk about the three-hour mom. Listen, I personally want to tell you guys I agree with a three-hour mom. I consider myself a three-hour mom. I still think it's funny how we come up with new ways to just like label motherhood. It's like work from home mom, single mom. We're now we got a three-hour mom, one-leg mom, two-legged mom, five-legged mom. It doesn't matter. A mom is a mom. However, let's talk about a three-hour mom. I think it's really catchy and I love catchy. Again, go girl, advertise your book. I'm here for it. The three-year mom is just a funny statement because average American is a three-hour mom. Like the average working American is a quote unquote three-hour mom if they even get that. But let's really cut down on what it looks like to be a three-year-old mom. Most people don't have the choice or the option to be a three-year-old mom. Most people are working until 8, 5 p.m. And you're talking about going back to the office. Let's look at what it looks like to be a three-year-old mom as an average person. So the average person is working at 905. They probably have to drive. Because again, Emma Greed is a CEO. She controls her own schedule. She gets to decide when she goes to work, how she goes to work. Again, I don't know her, you know what I'm saying? I don't know her situation. But remember, this is an executive who gets to make those decisions, right? So let's talk about the average American woman. You have to work in office. She's talking about five days a week. Cool. Right? You drop off your kids' wear to school in the morning, right? First of all, you already have to be up before anyone else to drop them off. You're working to drop them off at school. Cool. Drop them off. It probably the commute to work, let's say you leave work at five. For the average American, the commute is between 30 minutes to an hour. You probably now have to go drive and pick up your kids from where, from school or from daycare, or from after school, because again, the American school system is not set up for working parents, not even set up for people to work in office full-time. And we'll we'll circle back to that. So you pick up the kids, you get home, it is now 7 p.m. Most kids' schedule, they need to be in bed by eight. So the hardworking American mom probably have an hour and a half, sometimes two hours max with their kids, if that. But the difference is that's not even intentional time. That's day-to-day time. That's just time to get them in bed, get them fed, and get them the hell out of there. Because she had a day, right? That's not even that three-hour mom. Now, the backlash she's getting about that three-hour mom thing, I think it's funny. Because quite frankly, she's speaking from a place of a place of privilege. A lot of average moms will be lucky to be three-hour moms in the format that she's speaking of. Because she says, I'm a three-year mom, I get to come in and have fun with my kids and do intentional things. What does it look like for a mom to be a mom who just gets to show up for three hours, have fun with their kids, core memory mom, is what she called it. Let's dial back because y'all love to attack me for saying this. But in order to be a three-year-old mom, you need a nanny. You need to outsource someone to clean up. You need to outsource. To be a successful three-hour mom, you have to outsource. You have to outsource. When we say intentionally play with the kids, that's because the laundry is done. Somebody took care of the chores so that you can intentionally spend time with your kids. When she's saying statement that three-hour mom, she's not even talking to the people who can't afford to have help in their household. She's not talking to y'all. She's not. Because majority of people are not three-hour mom. Majority of people are just moms doing a bunch of things and not really having quality time with the kids because they can't afford it. Don't, don't fight me. Don't fight me, right? Don't fight me. I want to be very honest with you guys when I say I think being a three-year-old mom is a privilege because the majority, the average working mom is not even getting three hours with their kids. Three intentional hours? They're not getting that. But again, she is speaking from a place of I have a nanny, I have a house cleaner, I have a cook. Yes, I can feel good about spending three hours with my kids, three intentional hours with my kids. People who are feeling guilty about spending little time with their kids usually boils down to not having intentional time with their kids. I'm gonna be very honest with you. I probably spend a little less than three hours with my kids some days. And some days I spend three hours. I share videos often about how my days look like on a Saturday and how we balance, you know, motherhood and my business and my career and my ambitions. And I often show you guys that on average, quality time to me is more important than a lot of time. You know, we have a nanny, we have a house cleaner, we outsource as much as we can in our household so that we can prioritize that alone time. So some days may look like my husband getting the whole morning with the kids, gets to hang out with them, make breakfast with them while I'm, you know, in bed, resting, relaxing, etc. And then we switch off. The nanny gets there. I take one kid to an activity, I get to spend alone time with the kid, we do a mommy and me date, but that's because the nanny is there. And the nanny's taking care of the other kids while my husband also gets to take care of himself and his needs. And maybe other days we switch. This is all dependent on having help. So, yes, absolutely, being a three-year-old mom is fantastic. I think it's a privilege. And for those who are like, Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm my kid 24-7. Whoop-de-doo. Whoop-de-doo. No, on a serious note, I have been a stay-at-home mom who spent every single moment of the day with my kids, and I'm gonna be 100% honest with you. The quality wasn't there, quantity was there, quality wasn't there because I don't care who you are. I don't care if it's my husband, I don't care if it's my kids, I don't care if it's the low himself. I don't want to be with you 24-7. I don't want to. Essentially, there isn't a single person on this planet that I want to spend 24-7 with. That's just not it. And when I have to be forced to proximity to spend every moment of the day with you, I'm annoyed. Especially the kids. I need time away from them, they need time away from me. So I am definitely a quality over quantity type of parent. So when it says three-hour parents, I'm good with that. In fact, give it to me. I just think we should all realistically think about what it takes to be a good three-hour parent. And by I say good, I mean being able to prioritize quality time. If I'm with you only for three hours out of the day, I want to make sure those three hours are filled with memories and quality time and core. And I'm so sorry, but scrubbing toilet is not memorable. Not for me, not for them kids, not for anybody. So being able to do what my kids want, that's a privilege because somebody else is taking care of the things that have to be taken care of, regardless whether I'm working or not. Honestly, here's what it is if you're a woman, uh women of color specifically listening, who say, Well, I want family, I want a, you know, the promotion, I still want to be able to, you know, climb the corporate ladder, what what do you do, right? Do you just succumb to the five days a week in office? Or do you succumb to sitting in an office five days a week? Week where you're experiencing racial slurs, microaggression, where you're having to code switch. Do you go there and be yourself? And how what are you doing, right? If you were to ask me, I would say there is a balance to everything. And finding that balance that works for you, that allows you to not only show up, be present, and continue to climb the corporate ladder if that's what you wish, is the key. I don't want to sit here and say hybrid work is the answer, which honestly have been shown to work fantastically. You kind of get the best of both worlds. And there are other companies who are going to value the person who comes in the office every single day versus the one who comes in two times a week, whatever you want to call it. I wish I could tell you that if you're really good at your job, that's enough. But unfortunately, most of the time it's not. I wish I could tell you if you go into the office five days a week, you're going to get that promotion, you're going to get paid that pay increase, but that's not really true either. But what I want to focus on is pushing the narrative now in a time where hundreds and thousands of black women are losing their jobs due to, well, unfortunately, allegedly DEI. But the reality is black women are more qualified in the workspace than most people, but they're losing jobs. They're being unemployed. And then coming back in this mass way, in this large podcast, in this huge way, and saying, well, this is why you're not getting the promotion because you're not in office. You're not getting that pay increase because you're not in office, that's harmful. Not only is it harmful, it's a little dangerous, especially in today's time. You have a lot of black, and then also speaking to black women. Because let's be really honest, this podcast, the way this campaign is being advertised, it is being advertised for black women. She's speaking as a black woman, but we can't sit here and assume that she is getting treated the same way that someone who looks like me would get treated into office. We also cannot deny the fact that we're not coming from the same space. She cannot relate to the black women who have lost their jobs, who were losing their jobs, who are not finding jobs, and then telling them, well, guess what? It's because you're not going into office. It's because you were asking for flexibility. Asking for flexibility is not asking for too much. And it actually really also baffles me that in one sentence she can talk about wanting women to have it all or women with ambition and also exclude an entire group of women. Because let's be really honest, when you push the narrative of work from home being bad and work from home not being as productive, because she said some women who work from home and then they're doing house chores and they're distracted. That is the same narrative that's been pushed on women for years. When people said that women can be CEOs because they're too emotional, and mothers specifically cannot be successful because they are always gonna be thinking of their kids instead of thinking of their business. When mothers don't get hired because employers feel as, oh, as a mom, you're gonna leave work early to go to your kids' recital, therefore, let me hire someone else. I think it's so dangerous to push those narratives, especially for mothers, especially as a mother yourself. It's one thing to say, well, studies say this. It's another thing to sit here and tell you that, yeah, as a woman, you have to be in office. The study has constantly shown us that as black women, we are passed for promotions more than any other race. As black women, we are passed for um hire for jobs. Even right now, black women are going unhired. Is this because of remote work? Or has this been happening for years? So, what would you say to the black women who were working in office and still getting passed out for the promotion? What's the excuse then? They're there, they're being seen, and we know they're working hard. So, what's the excuse then? So we 100% cannot say remote work is that career killer when reality is they can be working in person and still not get that promotion. Now, I'm not gonna lie, being in person does help, right? I'm sure, like I said earlier, being in person helps because they're able to code switch better and you're able to be seen better. And I definitely believe a lot of employers practice out of mind, out of sight. We can't change that. But what I am saying is we absolutely cannot. And I mean we cannot neglect the fact that the black women who are in office are also being passed down. So it's like, why would I be passed down for a promotion and sacrifice my mental health when I can work from home and be okay? And the conversation of, well, they're working mothers, they are working from home and doing house tours is so sexist and so tired. No one is telling a man that because they're working from home, they're distracted by doing dishes, therefore they're not being productive. It is so tired. It's actually a little bit laughable because let's look at the facts. Let's really look at what study says about the productivity of people who work from home. A study done by Stanford University states that remote workers show a 13% increase in productivity, which is equivalent to an extra full day of work per week. Another survey done by Microsoft Work Lab states that 87% of employees reported that they are productive or more productive working from home. Obviously, take with a grain of stall, this is people's reportings. A study done by Gallup in 2023 states that employees who work remotely or hybrid at least part of the time report a higher engagement score than the ones who are fully in office. So you cannot tell me that working from home is distracting when study says otherwise. We get more done when working from home. Not only that, we get more done in half the time when working from home. I don't know, even outside for the study, again, when I'm in office, I'm yapping it up with the employees. Me and my work besties are yapping it up. We're not working. I used to dread having to go into office because I knew that I'm gonna come back home the next day and have more work to do because that's when I get most of my work done. So you cannot say that, oh yeah, being at home, you're less productive because you're doing laundry. How sexist is that? I'm just so curious how many men are told, listen, I don't think you're productive working from home because you're distracted doing laundry. Come on! Is this an attack on women or what? And it's actually hilarious too, because this is coming from a place of empowering women. Like, but let's let's really consider what it looks like to empower women. Empowering women means being inclusive to all women. Women who are moms, who are not moms, who are black, who are white, all races, all cultures, old ages. Because we haven't even talked about the ageism that goes on when older women are working in office and how older women prefer to work from home, not only because of the commute, how hard it may be on their bone. Like there is just so much more benefit, and it's dangerous to push this same old, same old corporate narrative that working from home or remote work is the issue. Remote work is not the issue. It's honestly the lack of trust in women, and that's not new. That is age old that's always been there, right? Oh, a woman is working in corporate America. I don't think we should promote her because she's pregnant now. Like it's the same conversation, just dressed up a little differently. And also shifting the blame to the people who are suffering from the systems is hilarious. Because this whole conversation is just shifting the blame to the people, right? The issue isn't corporations being racist, being sexist. That issue is that corporate, it's that issue is now you as a woman who want to have balance. I think she even said work-life balance is not a corporation. It's like up to you. You're responsible for work-life balance. And I agree to some extent, right? It's up to us to enforce work-life balance. But that's very difficult to do when bills are due and your job is requiring you to be there until 9 p.m. So, no, it's not up to me. It's actually up to the big corporations who absolutely do not care about maturity leave, do not care about childcare, do not care about anything that does not affect their big picture or their bottom line. I think what we can sit here and gather is that number one, studies actually show that working from home is productive. Not only that, for many more productive. Study also shows in order for women who look like me, black women, to step away, to just work in office full time and follow their dreams as in want to be successful, working in office full-time doesn't necessarily get you there faster. Majority of the time, it just gets you there in the same amount of time it would have gotten you there if you're working from home. The only difference is your mental health might be intact. We can also conclude that a lot of these conversations are being had from a place of privilege. An extreme place of privilege. And not only are they being had from a place of privilege, they're also being had from a place of a corporate leader. We're forgetting that Emma Greed is a CEO, CFO of multi-million dollar companies. Of course, she's gonna tell you work from home is gonna kill your career because she wants you in the office. Hello, she's literally a corporate leader of scams. So yeah, she's gonna tell you work from home. Again, I am not sitting here telling you that there aren't benefits to being in office. And if corporations are not looking at people in the office a little bit more than the ones working from home, they are. But I'm sitting here and asking you if you're an ambitious woman, you have to decide what is it that you want? What is it that you want and what matters most to you? When it comes to the terms of, you know, you can't be ambitious and have a family. I don't know. I disagree. Me personally, I again, I view myself as a highly ambitious woman and always have been. And in order for me to pursue my ambitions, I know that it takes outsourcing. I know that it takes partnership. And I know that I'm not willing to sacrifice my mental health in order to get there. And because I know those decisions, I do not go for jobs that will require me to sacrifice that. I've been able to land contracts that are 100% remote, I mean, 100% remote, that paid more money than any job I've ever had 100% remote in office. 100% in office. I've also worked for corporations that the only way for you to have a certain job or in a title, you have to be in office 90% to 100% of the time. So I don't think you have to sacrifice your mental health in order to succeed in your ambitions. I think you have to be strategic about that, the way you go about your ambitions, how you follow it. And when it comes to being a mother or a parent, I generally believe in order to succeed as a parent, one, you have to be willing to understand that you can't do it all alone. You can't do it alone. You need help, you need support. And that support is going to allow you to be the best parent you can be. And a lot of women are afraid to ask for the help and for the support for those who can't afford it at least. They feel like they have to do it all. And that's where we increase the gap in women who would succeed and women who don't. A lot of the successful women you see, it's because they have understood and they have learned that they're not supposed to do it all. They know how to delegate. They know how to delegate so that they can show up for their kids in the best way possible, their best self, if I may. So when you sit here and you listen to the podcast as an ambitious woman who wants a family, who wants to be the best mother, and you say, Well, what's my takeaway? The takeaway here is number one, you can be ambitious and still prioritize your mental health. Number two, yes, being a parent is not something that takes all day. You can be a three-hour parent. You simply just have to make sure that you have the support in place so that those three hours are intentional. And number four, be careful who you take advice from. Sometimes it is worth listening to something, being admiring someone, understanding they're fantastic, and even looking after them, but still taking a step back and understanding that we're not coming from the same world.

unknown 34:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

Understanding that this person is coming from a place of privilege. Understanding this person does not speak for someone who looks like me. Take it with a whole garland of salt, if I may. A gallon. Okay. And when it comes to parenting, yes, I talk about this all the time. There's a difference between quality time versus just spending practical time with your family. And in order for you to truly be a present parent, practical time sometimes has to take a step back. But then we go back to in order for practical time to take a step back, you're going to need that support. You're going to need to outsource. So again, it truly is one of those things where a lot of us want to, but can't afford it most of the time. I think the most ambitious thing a woman can do is refuse to accept a binary choice. You don't have to choose between being a work-from-home mom and a working mom. You don't have to choose between working from home or working in office. You don't have to choose between being successful and being a mom. A lot of these things can be intertwined. They can be interchangeable. I say if you're a parent who wants to work from home, but also wants to succeed, I think you should start considering setting things in place so that your work is upfront. There are steps you can take. Have the camera on when you're on the phone or when you're on Zoom call. Number two, like I mentioned, the kudos folder earlier. This is a folder where you keep all of the way that what you're doing, your work affects the bottom line of the company, the mission statement, the goal. Understand your manager's goals. What are the goals of the company at the moment? And how is the work that you're doing advancing those goals? What kind of emails are you getting in response? Get ahead of things, right? If you are being asked over task, be proactive, not reactive. All of those things are ways that you can make sure you're still doing your job very well and you're still being put out for these opportunities. I've known a lot of people who work in office and have never even, and I mean, never even been considered for a promotion in those who work from home who are considered wiz. And I'm coming from a place of contractors. I've been a nuclear contractor for the last six years. I haven't had to work for anybody. I've been a 10 and 9 contractor. A lot of these contractors, they don't even see me. Some of them still think I'm a man because of how my name is spelled. Yet my work speaks for itself because I am good at making sure that you know the effect that I have on your company. The bottom line, making sure the projects I'm working on actually affect what the goals of the companies are. Those are all steps you can take. And also remembering that at the end of the day, there are gonna be a lot of people who are going to push a single solution to you, who are going to tell you this is the only way you can achieve this. This is the only way you can be successful. This is the only way you can show your ambition. 100% no. Because part of being ambitious is breaking barriers. Part of being ambitious is seeing how things are done and understanding that that's not how it's gonna work for me and being able to put in the work for it to work for you. I don't believe in having to break myself into pieces to succeed. I believe in working hard, yes, but working smart and also not losing myself in the process. And here's my hot take of the episode. And maybe this is not a hot take, but you know what? Here's my hot take. Don't listen to anyone, and I mean anyone's advise who you don't want to be. And do with that information as you may. Obviously, if that's who you want to be and that's the career trajectory you want, take their advice. If that's how you see your future and that's the goal, take it. But me personally, I don't take advice from anyone who I don't want to be, who I can't relate to in certain ways, and who I can clearly tell that um a lot on the line here. And I'm I'm gonna leave it at that. And I'm gonna leave it at that. So again, you can admire, you know what I'm saying? You can like what someone says, you can be, you know what I'm saying, but uh I'm gonna need you to take a step back before you start hounding in on carrying around the advice because when it comes to these topics, especially these work from home topics, they feeling very, they feeling very presidential. Yeah, I don't know, some of these conversations beginning to get very presidential, very stay at home and have 20 kids, very kick your feet up and have another baby for that man. But that's neither here nor there. That's truly neither here nor there. And I want to leave you with this, okay? Ambition is not selfish. Ambition is quite frankly our birthright as women. And you don't have to choose between having a family and having a career. There are moments when maybe you have to prioritize one over the other, but you don't have to choose. I generally believe you don't have to give up who you are, your comfort, your mental health to be ambitious and to succeed as an ambitioned woman. I think you just need to be intentional about how you pursue your ambition and also be very, very clear about what you're willing to give up and what you're not willing to give up to, you know, accept or to receive that success. Thank you guys so, so, so much for listening to this episode. I had a time, I really did, and I am curious to hear what are your thoughts on this recent controversy, if I may. And as always, don't forget to comment, like, share, and subscribe. And I will see you on the next episode. Have a wonderful day. Bye.